I don’t have a macho job. I am not a firefighter that ladies salivate over, I am not a professional athlete full of muscles that, again, ladies salivate over, and I am not part of the armed forces. No one will be calling me one of “the true American heroes” anytime soon.
I am a stay at home Dad.
I change diapers, speak the language of “Goo-Goo-Ga-Ga,” and add medicine to a bottle of formula faster than Kobe can drain a three. I am cool with doing this humble job because it has the best perk ever…working with this awesome chick named Maddie. Don’t believe me? Check out this photo…she’s like a total superstar!
Here’s the thing…sometimes it hurts me that the rest of the world never fails to disrespect the job of a stay at home Dad.
What follows are just a couple examples of what I have to deal with on a daily basis…
Example #1: A cable guy was at our place to fix a problem with our TV yesterday when he looked over at me holding Maddie and said, “Got the day off, do ya, pal?” I shook my head and told him that I was a stay at home dad. He looked liked I was an alien.
“A stay at home Dad?” he cackled.
“Yes,” I replied.
An awkward beat passed.
I stared back at him with a big dumb smile before he returned to his wires and cables. Now for real, if it was a Mom on the couch with her child would she have ever heard such a question?
Example #2: I was at the check-out stand at the store when the checker said, “Aww. Is Dad babysitting today?” Again I stared back with a big dumb smile, but what I wanted to scream was, “I am not babysitting! Teenage girls from down the block babysit! I’m just being a Dad! Dads do not babysit!”
Whatever. I am cool being a stay at home Dad. The thing is I don’t think too many guys are as mellow as me. The news talks so much about the problem of absentee dads, but perhaps it would be less of an issue if our culture didn’t shame fathers so much for doing what everyone expects them to do.
Joe says:
I tell people all the time that I would LOVE to be a stay at home dad. Wicked props to you for actually doing it. You should have just told the cable guy that you don’t get days off anymore. And screw the lady at the grocer, tell her that you’re baby-raising, not babysitting.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Joes last blog post..Stunts, lies, and rolls
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
It irritates me to no end when people ask Jeremy if he’s “babysitting” whenever he’s got the kids. His typical response, “Ummm… NO. These are MY kids.”
I think stay at home parents in general are given the shaft, but especially the dads. Even at the park, they are often shunned by the moms. It’s a sad, sad state of affairs.
Sarah says:
Kudos to you for being a stay at home dad! Last year my husband had the opportunity to be a stay at home dad for 6 months due to the loss of his job. He absolutely loved it! And I loved him being here for our little girl! Unfortunately he had to go back into the work force due to financial strains – but what I wouldn’t give for him to be at home each and every day.
Ms. Moon says:
Bottom line- staying at home with a child and keeping a home is not considered an honorable thing to do for men or women. I was at a party once when my kids were young and a woman and I were having a conversation. She asked me what I did and when I said I was a stay-at-home mom, she literally walked away from me. Like, “Oh!” and then she split.
I didn’t have a dad, period, and I KNOW what that did to me as a child and I think I would have been a completely different person with a completely different outlook on life if I’d had one. Your daughter will never know the sorrow of not having had a father who loved and adored her, not just in words, but in action.
Your work is the most important work in the world. Know that in your heart and let the words of the ignorant roll off your back.
Ms. Moons last blog post..I’m Tellin’ You
AMomTwoBoys says:
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AMomTwoBoys says:
I have the utmost of respect for what you do. But for YOU? It’s questionable sometimes.
Just kidding, you know I love ya. You’re an awesome dad. But I’d really appreciate it if you AND your wife could stay home, so her work wouldn’t get in the way of our ME time. Start playing the lottery, please.
A Free Man says:
Comparing how much my head pounds after a day at home with the boy and a day at work, I definitely recogniza that Stay At Home Dad is a proper job. I am, however, looking forward to joining your ranks (on a part time basis) after Xmas.
A Free Mans last blog post..Laughing
Jacque says:
I cannot stand the ‘Dad’s babysitting’ term. Does anyone say Mom’s babysitting? I cannot tolerate how ludicrous that is! I just want to share my favorite quote with you…”The most important work you’ll ever do is within the walls of your own home” Nuff said? I too am the primary bread winner in my family and have been for 20 years. We have had our share of comments about how unacceptable that is as well. To each our own Rock on…you stay at home dad!
Jacques last blog post..They’re off!
Anna says:
My husband has been the one to stay home with our three children. It takes an incredible person to stay home and raise children. I think especially a man because of how they are perceived. I loathe the weird looks we get when people ask what we do for a living. The way that some men look down on him like what he does isn’t nearly as important as providing the income. It makes me feel sorry for their stay at home wives, who are clearly under-appreciated.
Our children are extremely lucky because they have a bond with their father that most kids don’t get the opportunity to make.
Annas last blog post..8/20/08 – Day 233
Rachel says:
As we speak, my husband is putting our daughter to sleep and let me tell you, nothing he does turns me on more than watching him be a good father. So don’t say your job doesn’t make women salivate. I don’t think it matters which parent is home with the kid as long as one of them is.
Rachels last blog post..La Cucaracha
Surfer Jay says:
I feel your pain dude. We’re fighting an uphill battle. Someone asked me if I was babysitting, I replied with, ‘fathers don’t babysit their kids, they raise them.’ What are ya gonna do?
Surfer Jays last blog post..The Boys First What?
Willow says:
Make no mistake, there is nothing cooler than a stay at home Dad who loves his work. By the way, that little girl of yours just gets cuter with every picture.
Dana says:
I love these posts.
I think it takes more manliness to be fine as a stay-at-home dad than it does to think bizarrely of a man who is a stay-at-home dad.
Hm, did that make sense? *shrugs*
iMommy says:
Right on, Mike – the disdain that some folks show for stay at home parents, especially dads, absolutely baffles me.
You an Cynical Dad should get together and form some sort of posse.
iMommys last blog post..Guest Post: Sometimes, You Gotta Mock the Snort
jenni says:
I do totally agree with you. SAHDs are not babysitters. Dads are not babysitters period, whether the are home permanently, or just haning with the kids on the weekends.
jennis last blog post..Reason #97 Why Pregnancy is Gross
Middle-Aged-Woman says:
The sad truth is, most dads are babysitters. I had to convince my husband that when he came home from work, that it was NOT okay to have made plans to go back out, without checking to see if there was an available sitter. He would just assume it was ME. Gah! it made me crazy for a couple months until he got it, but most other dads I know? never got it.
Michelle says:
Okay, so you may not be a fire fighter, soldier, or muscled jock, but a HERO you most definitely are! What is more noble than you being a positive and loving role model for your daughter! She will grow up empowered and confident. You ROCK!
BTW, I agree with Rachel. There is nothing sexier than watching my husband play, cuddle, nuture our kids.
Michelles last blog post..Tropical Storm Phun
Kristin says:
Calling a Dad a babysitter makes me lose my MIND (and we know I’m already pretty far gone). My husband is a PARENT, not a BABYSITTER. He takes the kids to the grocery store, to the driving range (ok, not the little ones), he gives baths, he puts them to bed.
I’m sure he would give anything to be at home with them instead of gone 10 or so hours a day. They adore him. Dads who are involved are heroes. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
Kristins last blog post..That’s what blogs are for, right?
ali says:
you are a true american hero, Mike.
(and not just because you let your wife sleep in on saturday AND sunday mornings. haha)
Eternal Sunshine says:
Yeah – What they ^ said.
I know my husband would LOVE to be able to stay home with the kids (So would I, for that matter), and I love the responses to the “babysitting” comment…
HeatherPride says:
Well, my dad wasn’t a stay at home dad, but he was very, very involved. In fact, he led my Girl Scout troop!! (actually in today’s society people would probably assume he was a pedophile – but really he was just cool!) You will never regret your decision! It’s the best job ever!
HeatherPrides last blog post..Lies My Grandma Told Me
Angela says:
How rude! While my hubby doesn’t stay at home (we both work) I would never say he was “babysitting”. On the occasion that I go out and he stays home with the kids I used to hear the same question if he was home babysitting. I would love to see society accept dads in a more equal role as moms instead of this seperation of duties within our minds. Hell, in some families the dad is the “better” and more loving parent than the mother (mine was!). Good for you for being a great dad!
Angelas last blog post..The Truth About Psychic Abilities
gin says:
Steve feels the exact same way – not about being a SAHD, but parenting in general. He looks younger than his actual age – by like 10 or so years. So when his 2 year old son needed stitches and the ER doc asked if he was the older brother, my husband was non-the-pleased. He was 25 and looked 17.
When we lived in NH for LM’s first 18 months, he felt that fathering was scorned upon what with the way people looked at his attentiveness and care over our little bundle of joy. It was definitely a weird experience. But now, here in QC, it’s amazing how attentive both sides of the gene pool share in the parenting. I love watching this kind of culture & society.
One thing that Steve looks forward to every school year: having lunch alone every single school day with his daughter while I work. He’s a SAHWorkingDad (office is upstairs!).
gin says:
Oh yeah – that’s another part of the QC culture – kids go home for lunch! Even in high school
gins last blog post..A baby humpback whale
Lori says:
My husband wants to be a SAHD, but I don’t make enough to support us. But, he’s ALWAYS willing to be home w/ the kids. Whether I want to get my nails done, go out with the girls, if they’re sick and one of us needs to stay home. And he takes Mondays off every week so that the little ones don’t have to go to preschool 5 days a week. He says he had kids so that HE could raise him, not someone else. I worked part time for three years so that someone was always home w/ the kids and let me tell you, I hated my days at home. Maybe hate is too strong a word, but I’m just not cut out for it. I just can’t handle it all day, every day.
But, I do think that guys like you (and him) are few and far between. My dad was NEVER around when we were kids. He was always travelling and working. We never saw him.
Loris last blog post..What up G?
Maria says:
I catch myself asking my husband to babysit sometimes. And I cringe every time I do.
Your stay-at-home-daddyhood is completely awesome.
Marias last blog post..what I’d rather be eating
Connie says:
I think it is wonderful that you stay home with your daughter.
And I don’t think my husband could do it. Sometimes, HE needs a babysitter.
cindy w says:
This reminds me of the tagline on Parenting Magazine: “What Matters to Moms.” Um, so dads aren’t parents? Or dads just don’t read their stupid magazine? Gah.
I’ve trained myself to never refer to Dave as “baby-sitting” on my girls’ nights. I just say that he’s “on baby duty”. Seems a little less sexist that way – we’re each on duty at different times.
cindy ws last blog post..stupid germs
Kate says:
It’s amazing how offensive people can be – all in the name of pleasant small talk. I’ll admit that I sometimes feel like we can’t say anything anymore at the risk of offending someone…but I also think that we need to be more thoughtful about what comes out of our mouths. There must be a better alternative to “are you babysitting?” What about “what a beautiful baby?” Or how about talking about the weather – now there is a small talk standard that while a tad boring, can claim years of success and smiles all around.
Love the fact that you are a stay at home dad. But question: do you find the term “stay at home dad” offensive. Do you prefer “work at home dad?” Either way – you have a very lucky little girl. She is obviously much loved (and as my grandmother would say, “she’s terribly attractive dear.”)
Danes says:
Whatever – any Dad who gives as much love and support to their daughter as you do IS a true American hero. People are so ignorant sometimes. Keep up the awesome work, Mike!
Kristin says:
My mother in law does this, she will ask if my husband can babysit so we can shop or whatever and its her own son! In our house I am the stay at home parent, but I am very good friends with a stay at home dad and he tells me similar stories. Its sad, the thing people should be concentrating on is that one parent is able to be at home with the kids. Not to mention that this child has 2 parents in her life full time. Its the small things we take for granted I guess. Parents who care enough to do this whole “raising a child” thing correctly, are the true heroes.
Christy says:
My husband doesn’t stay home, I do (and frankly, he admits that he couldn’t hack it) but we get the same “babysitting” comment whenever I go and do something & he’s with the kids and it’s annoying. It’s especially annoying when people like my mother in law say things like, “oh, you’re so lucky to have a husband that will stay with the kids so you can go out!” Yeah, and last time I checked he was at least in part responsible for bringing them into the world, hello.
I think there are people out there who will disrespect being a stay-home parent whether it’s the mom or the dad. I don’t know what their deal is, but I agree that it’s probably still the dads that get more of that look of pity than moms, unfortunately.
Mama Ginger Tree says:
I think stay at home moms get no respect, but I think it is probably worse for stay at home dads. Way to own it. It’s dads like you who will change the perception in society. Maddie is lucky to have you.
Mama Ginger Trees last blog post..I’ve Been Spruced Up
Jackie says:
You’re the best dad ever! Maddie is so freakin’ stoked to have a cool dad like you! Don’t worry – I won’t teach her “freakin’.” Xoxo.
Lisa says:
Amen. I know my husband would love to be a stay at home dad (well sometimes), instead I get to be a stay at home mom!! I totally agree that things would be different if stay at home dads got more respect (or stay at home moms for that matter)
Lisas last blog post..An Interview with Elizabeth Pantley, Author of “The No-Cry Sleep Solution”
Jim says:
Bah, hell with what they think. It’s all about the little ones. I know it’s easy to say that you should develop a 3-inch thick skin overnight, but take solace that there are those that suport stay-at-home dadhood.
Jims last blog post..Summer Flocks
Kia (Good Enough Mama) says:
I can completely understand why you feel this way. Well, as much as a woman CAN understand. I, however, admire dads who stay at home and have the courage (in this society) to do it and be proud to do it. The world needs more stay at home dads. Just not in my house, though; I like being a stay at home mom!
Kia (Good Enough Mama)s last blog post..I Googled Myself and I Liked It.
Sleep Deprivation Ninja says:
that cable guy is lucky you aren’t a sleep deprived ninja. I would have turned him into a stay at home mom.
And I think the appropriate response to the supermarket clerk is something like, ‘aw, is the store participating in a jobs for the mentally handicapped program? How cute…’
Then you break the checher’s face with a frozen food item.
Sleep Deprivation Ninjas last blog post..100 Word Challenge: Faster
Christy says:
I’m back–I gave you an award today.
HeatherPride says:
Yup, like Christy said. At my site too, yo.
HeatherPrides last blog post..Awards, Yo
Mekhismom Aka Renée says:
I love this post. I agree 100%.
Mekhismom Aka Renées last blog post..Diaper Cake Update
maya says:
I think being a stay at home anything- is the toughest job there is. If I had to stay home with my girls all day I would surely go insane.
And I too hate it when people say in front of my husband to me- “You are so lucky- your husband helps out a lot”- umm yeah… it’s called parenting and its his job- not a perk for me!
Lawyer Mom says:
Dude, be glad the cable guy didn’t say, “So . . . baby-sitting your grand-kid today, eh?” Last week I’m at Kangaroo Kids & Chaos to “register” my 7-yr old (you know, sign all those forms waiving claims for gross negligence and abuse so you can leave your kid there to play, have fun).
Kangaroo Employee Girl: “Mam, you’ve got one more form to sign. You’re not the parent, right?”
Me: silent (she’s clearly talking to someone else; I start to leave).
Kangaroo Girl (loudly now, for all to hear): “MAM! Mam you can’t leave.”
Me (WTF?): “Huh? You’re talking to ME? I am his MOTHER.”
Kangaroo Girl: “Oh. Well a lot of grandparents bring their grandkids here in the summer, and I just thought-”
Me (interrupting): “Yeah, well, don’t. No more thoughts.”
Lawyer Moms last blog post..Little Lawyers Everywhere
Lincoln Kirby says:
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Lory_Baby says:
I think that there are not too many dads who could admit “I’m a stay at home dad”. The problem is the people around and their reaction. It’s ridiculous, right? I think, men are usually just jealous that other dads could take care of a children better much than they are. I also think that women, in most cases are adore such dads, think they are so sweet and even sexy
.-= Lory_Baby´s last blog ..Nanny needed? =-.
Sheila Huerta says:
Just ignore all the bad things said about you. I’m so proud of you because you really love your kids and doing that kid of work is very noble job..Keep up the good work….