Not all days can be good. We as adults know this is true because, mixed in with the memory of the day we had our first kiss is the one where we crapped our pants at school and got laughed at/beaten up.

Now some of you may have had both of those things happen on the same day, but if that’s the case you must be insanely good looking, because really, I don’t think there is anyone hot enough on this planet to coax someone into a first kiss with dirty pants. Maybe Brad Pitt or Kerri Walsh. Wait…as much as I like Kerri Walsh I am running away from her if she heads my way all puckered up with dirty pants.

But I digress…in a weird, disturbing sort of way.

Let us return to my original point which was that we all have bad days, but for the most part, since leaving the hospital,  my beloved little Mooseroni Chicken Muffin Love Bear has only had good ones. (Yes, for those who have been paying attention, Maddie’s nickname has indeed gotten longer).

This weekend, however, Maddie was NOT happy. She had a bad day on Saturday:

Heather was working the Dodgers/Giants game at Dodger stadium and offered to take Maddie to work with her so I could watch the game from the stands with my pal Kanon and his bro who was visiting from Hawaii.

Anyhoo…about ten minutes before the game began, as I was about to lay into a feast of a spicy hot dog, garlic fries, and giant beer, Heather suddenly appeared before me looking frazzled and with her headset still on her head.

Heather then thrust Maddie at me who looked more like THE EXORCIST than my lil’ angel. Maddie had tears streaming down her face and was screaming louder than if Manny had hit a homer.

“I CANNOT work with Maddie acting like this!” Heather cried, “Can you please take her?”

I nodded and le bebe was shoved into my arms. I quickly set down my beer, dog, and garlic fries, and stuck a bottle of formula into Maddie’s mouth. She soon calmed as she ate and listened to me sing a song I sing at home that calms her, but one I never thought I’d ever sing in public.

Witness the lyrics of embarrassment:

“Chicken Muffin Love/Chicken Muffin Love/Chicken Muffin, chicken muffin, chicken muffin love/YOU’RE SO CUTE TO ME…Mooseroni/YOU’RE SO CUTE TO ME/AHA!!!! (And repeat…)

Thankfully, Maddie eventually calmed down. I then looked up and saw that everyone was looking at me like I was a freak. None of their glares affected me, however, because as a Dad I was impervious.

To the cute girls glaring at me…I’m married, bitches!

To the men giving me the stink-eye…I am a Giants’ fan, and that likely would disgust you FAR more my little song to my adorable baby!


Public humiliation is okay with me as long as by the end of the weekend my little girl was back to looking like this: