I want to thank everyone for all the great comments about siblings…sounds to me like another kid would be a good thing. Heather and I will totally get on it once we win the lottery and invent a pill that makes sleep unnecessary.
In the meantime we will continue going about the business of raising Maddie which, I must admit, can be a bit weird sometimes. Let me give an example, one that I hope doesn’t make you think Heather and I are freaks. Heather and I talk for Maddie.
You may be thinking, “What the hell does that mean? How do you talk for a baby who hasn’t said her first word yet?” Well, the answer is by being a little nutty. It goes something like what comes after the gratuitous photo of Maddie:
Maddie is rolling around on her blanket while Heather, a few feet away, sits on the couch watching Grey’s Anatomy. Mike, on the opposite couch, reads a magazine. Suddenly…
HEATHER (in a baby’s voice): “Daddy?”
MIKE (without missing a beat): “Yes, Maddie?”
HEATHER (still in baby voice): “I love you.”
MIKE: “I love you too, Chicken Muffin Love Bear. Why did you say that out of the blue?”
HEATHER (in baby voice): “No reason.”
Mike nods. A beat passes.
HEATHER (in baby voice): “Except that, um, I think I might need my diaper changed.”
MIKE: “What makes you think that?”
Heather (in baby voice): “What? You can’t smell it? It’s terrible.”
Mike looks away from Maddie and eyes Heather who is staring at Patrick Dempsey.
MIKE: “No, I can’t smell it from over here. But I bet Mommy can from where she is.”
HEATHER (as a baby): “It’s a safe bet that she can. So will you change me?”
MIKE: “Well, you probably want Mommy to change you instead of Daddy, you know, on account of how Mommy often criticizes Daddy’s diaper changing skills.”
HEATHER (as baby): “Actually Mommy told me this morning that she thinks you’re a lot better at it and I concur.”
MIKE: “You concur?”
HEATHER (in baby voice): “I mean ‘I agree.’ Hee. I don’t know what concur means. I’m just a baby.”
Mike looks over at Heather who does her best “cute” smile. He then rolls his eyes and looks back to his magazine.
HEATHER (in baby voice): Ahem, uh, Daddy?”
MIKE: “Yes, Maddie?”
HEATHER (in baby voice): My diaper?”
MIKE: “Fine, Maddie.”
Mike shoots up off the couch, exhaling, and picks up Maddie. As he starts with her toward the baby room…
MIKE: “But next time you ask Mom, okay?”
HEATHER (in baby voice): “You got it, Dad!”
This works in the other direction too.
Mike reclines on the couch watching Rocky Balboa on Showtime as Maddie sits in her Bumbo, puckering her lips. Heather is making lunch in the kitchen.
MIKE (In baby voice): “Mommy?”
HEATHER: “Yes, Maddie?”
MIKE (in baby voice): Can you make me another bottle? I just finished my last one and I’m freakin’ starving over here.”
HEATHER: “Alright, Maddie. But I’m surprised Daddy hadn’t made you one yet.”
MIKE (in baby voice): “He meant to but then Rocky came on.”
HEATHER: “Of course it did.”
Heather shakes her head and makes a new bottle. Mike smiles.
Okay. We’re insane, right? You can say it. But maybe some of you do something similar?
Backpacking Dad says:
Erin used to call us both “guys” all the time when she wasn’t talking.
“Thanks guys.”
“Need some mushed peas now guys.”
“Time to wake up in the middle of the night and change my diaper guys.”
Backpacking Dads last blog post..A Portrait of the Blogger as a Young Twitter…er..?
Surfer Jay says:
Dude, insane doesn’t adequetly define your baby rearing antics. And if I knew how to properly define it I would call myself the same thing. But dang, you guys have full conversations and stuff. Right now my babys’ surrogate voice, aka mommy, is still working on proper grammer and full sentances. We’ll get there, we’ll get there….
Surfer Jays last blog post..
Raging Dad says:
Dude, this is so normal. Soon you will be fighting and taking passive-agressive shots at each other through your spawn. It is the natural progression of things. Accept it, embrace it, just try not to throw things when the baby is between you.
Raging Dads last blog post..It takes a nation of millions to hold us back
Joe says:
Dude, I talk to Tyler with Sarah about 2 feet away from me and pretend she can’t even hear me.
“Oh Tyler, Mommy doesn’t like the way I do tummy time with you.”
“Boy oh boy, little man… Mommy doesn’t like my parenting skills.”
She, on the other hand, talks to Tyler and volunteers me for things.
Sarah: (while holding Tyler) “Maybe Daddy will change your DipeDipe.”
Me: “But you’re RIGHT THERE holding him. Why don’t you do it.”
Sarah: (to Tyler) “Daddy doesn’t realize that I do this all day everyday.”
Me: (sighs) “Give him to me.”
Yeah…. it’s fun.
Joes last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Kerry says:
I’m not sure we have the full blown conversations that you detailed in this post, but I think it’s normal! At least that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself. Our 7.5 month old Maddie does quite a bit of talking. Her language isn’t always baby friendly, but we’re working on that. And we do the passive aggressive talk-to-the-baby-when-you’re-really-talking-to-your-spouse thing quite often.
Kerrys last blog post..Kerry’s Tweets on 2008-10-09
carrie says:
We do/did the same thing. The trick is NOT to do it in public. This will prompt odd looks.
Oh, have another one now while you are sleep deprived!!!
carries last blog post..Ramblings in the Red Hallway
Anna Marie says:
We talk for the kids AND the dogs constantly and let me tell you something, they are smartasses!
Anna Maries last blog post..First real word
Rachel says:
Jason and I like to tell each other what Elizabeth is thinking. Its usually the best way to resolve an argument without having to directly talk to the other person.
“Elizabeth thinks you were mean earlier”
“Yeah, but she also thinks you started it”
“Elizabeth was wondering if we could try to be nicer in the future”
“Okay, but only because Elizabeth asked.”
“She was also wondering if you would give me a back massage”
(and other variations)
Rachels last blog post..Love Letter To Elizabeth
Marinka says:
We totally do that too, except I play both parts since my husband refuses to participate. And now that my daughter is 10 years old, it’s a little weird.
Whatever.
Marinkas last blog post..Wordless Wednesday. Now on Thursday. And with Words.
Ms. Moon says:
Before I ever had a baby, my husband and I had cats which we gave the power of speech to. When I was pregnant, we discussed the fact that after the baby came, we probably would be tempted to do the same thing with our child but that really, we shouldn’t.
But we did.
I think everyone does it.
Ms. Moons last blog post..Happy Birthday, John. I Miss You So
Jamie says:
Too funny!
Thanks for the laughts!
Jamies last blog post..If……. Some questions to ponder ~
jenni says:
That is sooo funny!
Nelson and I also talk for Oscar, not using a baby voice. We talk for him more as if he’s a tween, kind of like the blog post I did last week while Oscar is in Spain.
jennis last blog post..Phobia Friday: The Man Cold
Kate says:
I think that’s hilarious. We don’t do that – but we imitate our kids all the time and interject their baby talk phrases into our own conversation all the time. But only when other people aren’t around.
Lee Anne says:
Hahaha! Grey’s trumps magazine reading. For sure.
Jim says:
That rocks. Unfortunately, our son has picked up the whole ‘talking’ thing. If we could get him to stop, this would make our days much easier and more entertaining.
Jims last blog post..One More…
Fiesty Charlie says:
Totally did that until Abbie could form full sentences on her own. Once that happened, she would look at us and say, “I didn’t say that… you did.”
Have fun with it while it lasts.
My favorite way to use this was when Abbie was about 5 months old. I took her down to the outdoor ice rink and hunkered down behind the wall. As people skated towards us, I would pop Abbie up from behind the wall and yell in my best baby voice, “Dude, watch out for the ice!’
Needless to say, Abbie cracked up watching them fall over, and then she would say, “I told you to watch out, it very slippery.” I would then pull her back down and scoot around the corner and watch them look for her.
I know, I am indeed a big weird freak of nature. However, it was funny, at least to me….
Fiesty Charlies last blog post..Walls…. Make Me Happy!
Angela says:
LOL we have kinda done something like that.
Lori says:
WE do similar to Rachel and Raging Dad. It’s awful to use the kids as a go between, yet that’s what we do!
Rachelopoly says:
I did that all the time when I worked as a nanny. I would create dialogue for the baby and his big brothers loved it! They always asked me “what’s he saying now?!?!” Fun game.
Christy says:
Never…Not in a million years…well, okay, at least not in the last 7 since my youngest was Maddie’s age. LOL
Becky Mochaface says:
I LOVE it and am so going to do this if I ever have kids.
Becky Mochafaces last blog post..Grey’s Anatomy S5ep2
ali says:
dear god…i *wish*i could remember a time when my spawn didn’t speak…
alis last blog post..dumped. dunked. and decluttered.
gin says:
Most definitely NOT insane. Totally awesome parents you two are! Maddie is lucky and will definitely be a well raised and loved and rounded – but not round – person!
gins last blog post..My Big Package
Daddy Dan says:
Insane? No, I’d say INSANELY funny!
(That last line should be read in an exaggerated announcer’s voice.)
We never did that, but I wished I’d thought of it. Sounds fun.
Daddy Dans last blog post..Short Book Review: Hot, Flat, and Crowded, by Thomas Friedman
iMommy says:
Oh, we totally did it. Yessireee!
HeatherPride says:
In our home we don’t have time for such adorable exchanges. We pretty much just toss the baby to the other one for the shock value. It throws the other one so far off their game, they don’t have time to think up excuses.
HeatherPrides last blog post..We’ve Been Partying Like it’s 1999
Kristin says:
Yes, you’re insane, but you’re a parent. It comes with the territory! And I really love pics of Maddie so keep em coming!
Kristins last blog post..I’m giggling like a little girl
Kristin B says:
hahahaha… i’m laughing so hard!! The crazy things you do when you’re a parent. I’m sure in your pre-parent days you would have looked at people doing that and thought they were off their rocker! I’m pretty sure my husband and I did that when ours were unable to talk. Now we can’t get a word in edge-wise.
Kristin Bs last blog post..Fly your flag.
Bonnie says:
Welcome to the Parent Insane Asylum. Stay awhile, won’t you?
Bonnies last blog post..Everyone has their style
misfithausfrau says:
Let me guess: I am sure you rolled your eyes and made fun of others had you caught them doing that pre-Maddie. Am I right? You may have even made a vow to each other that you would never baby-talk. I know my husband and I did. We have eaten our words A LOT in the past 5 1/2 years. It’s all good.
misfithausfraus last blog post..Out of the Mouth of Ella
Dawn says:
We talked for our dogs before we had kids. I don’t remember talking for our first one much, but after I had my second,Sam, I talked for him to his big brother, Colby,(who was two) all the time. Sam would babble and Colby would look at me and say, “What did he say, mom?”
VegasDad says:
Oh, we’ve played that game plenty. Totally normal.
VegasDads last blog post..later perv