HEATHER: “What is the deal with J-lo in this new Fiat commercial? Did she really just sing about her rock shining bright even though her man ain’t by her side? Like two weeks after getting divorced? That’s ridiculous. She looks great though.”

ME: “She does. Especially for forty-two.”

HEATHER: “What?!?!?”

ME: “She’s forty-two. Hard to believe, huh?”

HEATHER: “I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised. Kate Walsh is forty-four.”

ME: “WHAT?!?!!?”

HEATHER: “Yup. Women age a lot better today than they used to.”

ME: “Thanks to plastic surgery.”

HEATHER: “No. Women look younger in general. Must be all the bottled water.”

ME: “Do they really look better? Or is it just that we’ve gotten old?”


ME: “Er, me. That I’ve gotten old. For example, would I have thought J-Lo looked great when I was nineteen? Or would I have thought she was embarrassing herself dressing that way?”

HEATHER: “Hmmm.”

ME: “It’s like how I used to think parents were old people, but now I think parents are young, hip, and awesome.”

HEATHER: “They are.”

ME: “Maybe. Or maybe we’re just old now and don’t realize it.”

HEATHER: “Are you saying we’re like those old people who won’t stop talking about how great Ann Margaret looks?”

ME: “Possibly. J-Lo just might be our Ann Margaret.”

HEATHER: “Now I feel old. Thanks a lot, Dad.”

(Heather watches TV in silence, pouting.)

ME: “Of course it could be the bottled water.”

HEATHER: “Yeah. It’s definitely the bottled water.”