At the Mom Movie on Monday (say that quickly three times) there were a whole lotta women breastfeeding their kids as they watched Harry Potter duke it out with Voldemort. Seeing so many women breastfeeding in public made me think of the following poll:
Which do you most agree with?
A) It is okay to breastfeed in public.
It is okay to breastfeed in public as long as you use a shield.
C) It is never okay to breastfeed in public.
For me the answer is:
D) This is a question that even I (the schlub behind the infamous teen pregnancy post) am not dumb enough to answer.
I see enough passionate arguments on this subject all around the Internet that I’m not going to touch it. And, as a man, I really have no right to pass judgement either way. There is, however, one element of this subject I want to talk address… The criticism directed toward MEN who encounter women breastfeeding in public.
As a dude who reads mom blogs and interacts with a lot of moms on Twitter, I can’t tell you how many times I have read something along the lines of the following:
“Ewww, gross. Some sicko pervert dude totally just stared at me as I breastfed the baby at the mall. I think I need to take a shower.”
I always cringe when I read this kind of thing because, though I loathe to admit it, there has been a time or two when I have glanced at a breast feeding woman a beat too long.
But here’s the thing, ladies. With the exception of a small number of actual sicko perverts, the majority of dudes who glance your way while you breastfeed are just as mortified to have made eye contact with you as you are with them.
It’s true. We don’t mean to look. Honestly. And we’re not titillated by it. Believe me, when men fantasize about breasts we don’t imagine babies attached to them. It’s just that there’s something in our brain that goes, “Dude. There’s a boob. IN PUBLIC!”
There’s also the shock factor too. Here we are, going about our boring day when… all of a sudden… there’s a boob. IN PUBLIC!
It takes our brain a second to get over the shock and yell, “LOOK AWAY! AVERT THY EYES! YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME!”
Now before you think I am a total lunatic you have to imagine, ladies, suddenly happening upon a man at the mall who has his pants down. It would, I’m sure, catch your attention. You might even glance a beat longer than you intended to.
I realize this is a poor comparison, especially since the parts men are supposed to keep covered up aren’t capable of doing anything incredible like feeding our children. The coolest thing ours can do is melt ice in urinals at fancy restaurants. But hopefully you sort of see where I’m coming from here.
So the next time you’re breast feeding in public and catch a guy looking your way, cut him a little slack. He’s not a pervert (more than likely), and wants you to know he’s very sorry. He will keep his eyes on his Caesar salad the rest of the meal. He promises.
Loralee says:
Having just blogged about this, I have so many thoughts. I SO do not think that most men are sicko pervs with breastfeeding women.
Really…it’s so demeaning to men…hurl.
Rach Langer says:
Mike, sometimes you truly make my day. This is one of those times.
Michelle says:
I’m sitting here reading through all of the horrid judgey posts from yesterday which I’m not even going to comment on, (but maybe just saying that we took our baby to see Kill Bill 2 , and that he was a preemie who had just come home from his second stint in the PICU for RSV and wasn’t supposed to be around crowds so we STOOD in the very back of the theatre away from everyone because we really wanted to see the movie in the theatre and we live in Santa Clarita and I don’t think we have the mom movies thing but maybe I’m wrong, will tell you which “side” I’m on regarding that subject) but I had to thank you, from my husband, for this post. He’s asleep but I’ll be forwarding this to him at work tomorrow morning and I know he’ll appreciate it.
debi says:
I live your comment.
debi says:
Love.
Michelle says:
Oh, and one more thing. Maybe it’s just me but even as a mom of four kids, 3 of whom were exclusively breastfed, even MY eyes wander there for a split second too long when I’m caught off guard by a nursing mom in public. I was doing a parent/teacher conference once (as the teacher) and one of my student’s parents brought her baby with her to the conference. The baby needed to eat and so the mom just whipped it out and fed him, completely uncovered, (because, seriously, who wants to eat their lunch with a blanket covering their face?) while the conference continued. Even though I was like 8 mos pregnant at the time with my second kid and I’d breastfed the 1st one for 2 whole years my brain still said, “Hey! A boob! IN PUBLIC!” and I know I looked too long, too. So, a least you’re not alone.
Kristin says:
I’ve got you beat. I took my daughter to The Black Swan. You wanna talk about inappropriate…. (she was 3 months old, so she’s obvious scarred for life).
debi says:
Mike you always make me smile. I breast fed 5 babies. My youngest just realized that she could actually recall one of those moments (she nursed till 3 1/2 yrs old) and was totally freaked out by it. Even so ,she is still nursing her 2 yr old. Like their mom all my girls breast fed and did so when and where baby wanted or needed to be fed. If you choose to do this in public then you sorta expect someone is going to notice. I never had even one time where a man stared at my slightly exposed boob. I found most everyone to be kind and understanding. I never wanted to make anyone uncomfortable and tried to keep my parts to myself. I believe that however you choose to feed your baby is totally your own business. That said, I am glad to see many young girls at least giving breast feeding a try.
Karen (SubMommy) says:
I just read this entire post to my husband and he spent the entire time nodding in agreement.
When he saw me pump for the first time, his eyes got real wide. I asked him, “Does this change the way you feel about them.” His response? “temporarily.”
Great post on th
Leann says:
Thanks for the smile…Love the new angle on the whole breastfeeding in public issue. Totally sharing this on fb!
Mommy says:
I just want to say- Mike, you and Heather rule. You really do.
I’m glad you posted this- as a nursing mama (covered up in public, because I’m pretty modest AND it helps my little guys focus on eating rather than checking out our new surroundings), I would never think a man would sneak a peak in *that* way, but that it is more out of a shock than anything. Even I think to myself, “I can’t believe my boob is out of my bra when we are not at home!” It doesn’t matter that it’s under the “hooter hider”, it is still kind of strange!
Recently, I was nursing in a restaurant, and the waiter asked if I was cold because I was covered up. I said no, that I was fine, and my hubby thanked him and said I was feeding the baby. He then asked (all concerned) if the baby was cold or if he could heat up a bottle for us. Finally my hubs said, “She’s nursing him under there,” and the poor guy turned beat red, and was so flustered he overflowed my water glass that he was refilling. It was equal parts awkward and adorable. I guess he just didn’t know what to do or think when he realized I was breastfeeding happening right in front of him. If I had just whipped it out instead of being discreet, I think his head might have exploded!
My point is, for me, and for my babies, we cover up. But to each his (or her) own. For those mamas who are comfortable enough to bare boob it out in public, more power to you!
One more thing- when I was new to the whole nursing thing, I know I got caught staring at nursing boobs just a few seconds too long on more than one occasion- but it was because I was in bloody nipple hell, and was desperate to see what a proper latch looked like so I could get it right with my sons. Sorry to any mamas that I freaked out!
Melanie B says:
I’m choosing A, even though I cover up while breastfeeding and if I can help it don’t do it in public. Just a preference but, I don’t care if someone else publicly nurses. I am the same way, it takes my brain a second to process that “Dude, there’s a boob-in public” ha ha!
heather says:
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding in public, nor did I get squicked out if someone was looking. Hell… occasionally my brain goes “there;s a boob! in public!”
I breastfed where ever I wanted, normally covered up with a receiving blanket. The only place I couldn’t do it…
In front of my dad.
Seriously, how silly is that?
Kadee says:
Exactly!! Me too, I could not nurse anywhere near my dad or my grandfather. I would banish ourselves to an out of the way bedroom for that.
Actually, I couldn’t nurse in public either since my sweet daughter refused to be covered with a receiving blanket and would tear it off or refuse to latch if covered. Good thing my car had tinted windows in the backseat! We were a complete bare boob disaster while breastfeeding and anyone in the vicinity got a good show. She weaned herself at nine months – much to both of our relief.
As for breast feeding in public, I feel exactly the same way – A BOOB! IN PUBLIC! OMG, don’t look too long! But it is a completely natural process and doesn’t bother me.
Barbara says:
As a mother of three, two of whom I nursed, I can tell you that I nursed discretely in public, but always nursed the babes when they needed to be fed. And I nursed the second child for 27 months, and the third for over four years! ( However, toddlers and older children nursing can usually be kept secret from all outside the family by talking to them. They’re really quite happy to accommodate.) Many years later (like, almost 25) when I was a single 40-something out with my girlfriends, I remember realizing how visual most men are and *intentionally* capitalizing on it by choosing clothes to accentuate the cleavage. Yes, I shamelessly admit that; it is a fact of life. So, I guess you could say I’ve had it both ways, and life is good.
MNM says:
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Awesome post! I also breast fed two babies, and I’m with you Mike, seeing a boob in public will turn my head too.
Robin says:
I have no problem with breast feeding in public, covered or not. I was completely mortified to do it my self with my first child. I was one of the “closet brestfreeders” also known as the unsanitary mom who breastfed her baby in bathrooms or more often in the car. I was much better with my second child. He never had to see mommys boobies while trying to read the “call me for a good time” phone numbers in the stall of the bathroom.
The second time around I didnt think anything of the random glances from people/men while I was breastfeeding in public. The ones that made me mad were the ones you could total read the judgement and possible hate across thier faces. I wanted to claw several peoples eyes out as they glared at me for nursing (with a cover up) my newborn baby at a table in a resturant. I held restrant though.
Megan says:
Ha, I don’t think I’ve ever had any dudes being pervy and weird about me breastfeeding, but I’ve definitely gotten some looks of surprise followed by embarrassment. Once, I was flying cross country with my daughter. A man in the next aisle glanced over and started talking to me as I was breastfeeding her and when he noticed what I was doing was clearly embarrassed and started apologizing. I told him it was no big deal. But, he felt so bad about it that he helped me take my luggage all the way across the DFW airport to my connecting flight- twice because they moved the gate! It was probably the only time a man has done something for me because of my boobs due to guilt instead of lust.
Dianne says:
When my dd was 5 mths, we were on a flight – her seat by the window, me in the middle, and a businessman in the aisle seat. She grew fussy and I proceeded to nurse her under a cover (my preference plus she was prone to being too distracted). She fell asleep at the boob and I put her back in her carseat. The businessman was so impressed that I could just hold my daughter under a blanket and that she’d fall asleep that easily. He turned many shades of red when I explained that I had been nursing her under the cover!
I like your story, though, as I certainly could have used some help getting my luggage across the airport!
Brandy says:
I breastfed both of my little ones for their first year but in public we used the cover. And for the most part it worked fabulously. Except for that one time in Chili’s when the cover got moved and I was scooting our son over and my husband next to me was all “Brandy!!” because my HUGE boob was hanging out. Yeah. Our guy friend across the table was looking at his menu so he claims he didn’t see anything and I was on the inside so at least I was covered by my husband but that is definitely a moment I will not forget.
Anyway, I think breastfeeding is fine in public. I chose to cover up but to each her own. I will definitely admit to lingering a moment or two before when someone just whipped it out with no cover but there was a boob out! In PUBLIC!! And I was never offended when someone seemed to notice, because dude, my boob was out!! In PUBLIC!!
Rebecca says:
Anytime I see a woman breastfeeding I just about melt with happiness. Just such a calm happy place for me. Beautiful thing to see and watch.
Also, since you are MIKE and you’re awesome and all that, you should see if you could get maybe Dr Loooove to sponsor a post on breastfeeding men. I’ve googled and watched youtube video’s so I know it’s true…….*eye roll*…….Anyway, apparently with the right drugs, it’s possible for a man to produce breast milk. Now, I’m not suggesting for you to actually feed this milk to Annie, but it would be cool if you took the prescription drugs and told us of your progress.
Rachel says:
My answer is A, even though I don’t have any children (yet). I would love to breastfeed my eventual children, but I am pretty modest so I would probably use the covers. However, if someone else chose not to use the cover, I wouldn’t think twice about it.
As for guys looking? I think you are totally right. I like to believe that there are very few sicko pervs out there. I know they exist, but I would like to believe that most people who stare a few beats too long are just people whose bodies reacted before their brains did! And you are right, if I saw a guy with his pants down in public, I’m sure I would stare for a few beats too long out of sheer confusion.
Rachel says:
Oh, and I just wanted to say that I, for one, enjoyed your post on teen pregnancy. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but my views coincided with yours anyhow. And I think that while everyone is entitled to their opinion, we can all agree that teen pregnancy is not the ideal situation, even under the best of circumstances.
So, there are my two cents on a completely unrelated topic, haha.
AT says:
As someone who nursed in public all the time, without a cover (I think they’re actually more attention-drawing, and just kind of weird) I was certainly never mortified if someone, male or female, made eye contact. And I don’t think you should be either. There’s a difference between glancing and noticing what’s going on and *leering*. I personally am drawn to look at babies, and if they happen to be attached to a boob, I assume their mom’s okay with me noticing that. And really, a lot of the time, you can’t even tell if the baby’s nursing or just cuddled up asleep. I never actually had anyone leer (that I noticed), and maybe some women do overblow things. But, meh.
Maybe if more women openly nursed in public, it wouldn’t be so out-of-place when you saw it as to draw your attention like that.
Erin says:
Ice? In urinals? But why?
Jannette says:
hehehehe.
Also — why the ice in urinals? So you can practice hitting a target?
Kenna says:
I think people worry about it entirely too much.
I nursed all three of my babies wherever. While I didn’t “cover up”, I was discreet about it. Found that my shirt pulled down enough to cover everything up top and the baby covered the rest. It was never a big deal and I often find myself wondering about some of the others… like are they seriously just sitting there with a boob hanging out, or are we talking more a flash of skin that you happen to realize is a breast??
The only time I ever was aware of a male looking at me was in an airport. I was nursing my 6mo and he kept looking over at me (eye contact!!!! Not checking out my chest!) and smiling. Finally told me he was a pediatrician and wished more moms would be comfortable nursing their babies in public!!
Lisa_in_WI says:
If J. Lo is allowed to wear a dress that has only double-sided tape to keep us from seeing her boobage, then breastfeed away! A mother breastfeeding in public is not shocking compared to the body parts Hollywood actresses expose on a regular basis.
DefendUSA says:
Well, I must admit, I know that it’s pretty hard for a guy not to feel uncomfortable despite being an adult and all that. I have never felt funny for myself, more for the guy. Indeed.
Most sensible women who nurse understand it can be awkward for others who will never, or have never. I am always especially surprised by the women who show disdain for any kind of nursing, as if it’s bad or something! Funny thing is we have the same parts…I have only felt the need to tell someone off once and it was a woman. The guys are not as concerned…do you suppose it was boob jealousy…I did have some pretty big knockers before and when nursing…let’s just say I had my own personal pencil holders if I wanted to utilize them for that!!
Heather says:
Oh, one of my pet peeves. Let me clarify, I am all about breastfeeding one’s offspring – I did it for 16+months while working one full time job and another part time. However, it ticks me off that people breastfeed without covering up while in public. I do not want to see you sitting on the bench at the dept. store hanging out, ball games, or swim lessons etc. My part time job is in retail and I am amazed by the Moms who think it is their right to park in a chair in my store and whip it out. I then have to deal with upset customers and then an upset breastfeeding mother. I understand it is legal, however, it is very inconsiderate of others. The LaLeche nurse who spoke to my birthing class and I got into it big time during the discussion of freedom and rights of breastfeeding moms. Of course, I am also floored that with all the amazing tops that exist today- not just coverups but actual tops that would allow one to breastfeed without letting it all hang out as a woman last week was doing. She had pulled her shirt completely up around her neck and unfastened her bra on a bench outside the store where I work. Thank goodness it was outside our door not inside. I realize a lot of people do not agree and think it should be seen, however I found it a lot more comfortable to go places and hang out with our friends while covering up. Oddly enough, everyone the group of four families that we do things with has breast fed and no one has ever felt odd about it, probably because no one is just there in your face. Then again this is the group that is planning on signing our kids up for etiquette classes.
Katherine says:
First of all, PLEASE explain the ice in urinals at fancy restaurants. Seriously, I could imagine a “peeing on ice” contest at a bar or something. But at a fancy restaurant? I’m intrigued. Are they tiny ice sculptures or something?
I’m nursing my third now. With the first two I ALWAYS used a cover in public. Now that I’m on my third I’m skilled and confident enough to nurse without it (okay, I also keep forgetting to bring the nursing cover). So I think a Mom should do whatever they feel comfortable with.
Lisa says:
Love this! My husband has said the exact same thing.
As a breastfeeding mom I definitely fall into the category breastfeeding in public is fine. Because of my own insecurities I use a cover when I’m out and about, but if a mom doesn’t feel the need to cover up I’m fine with that.
laura says:
Wow, I believe you maybe channeled my husband?!? We’ve had very similar conversations; you articulated it well. I’m with a few others on their comments-I’ve been going about my day too and been caught off guard when a boob appears. I’ve missed a beat. I think it’s just natural for our brains to be registering what it’s seeing as our eyes look a hint too long due to our brain is putting the connections together. Then we’re realize whoa! look away!
I breastfeed pretty much anywhere and dang it! the cover-ups drive me nuts, so instead I found the best way I can nurse in a subtle fashion. If someone happens to sneak a peek of my boob, oh well, I’m nourishing a little one, and my husband says it’s beautiful!
karen says:
Yep I’m like the other women, looked just a second too long. Why? Cos I love babies and love the sight of a baby being fed and being so content and happy a lovely sight. I also look a second too long when they are being bottle fed too!
I fed both of mine but found that by the time you’ve got the baby’s head in the right place and moved your clothing around there isnt much to show.
The only time I have ever been surprised is when a woman sat, with the child on her lap, opened everything up, pulled her bra cup totally off, then sorted her baby out. It surprised me in the same way it would if someone sat down somewhere and stripped off. Wouldnt anyone be surprised by that sight?
Jana says:
Yes and I was! A woman recently was breast feeding her baby at the mall and she wasn’t using a cover. When she took the baby off her breast to adjust, grab a rag, etc. her boob was fully exposed the whole time. And it was like a minute. She didn’t seem to care which is yea for her, but I was still surprised.
Lea says:
Oh Mike! You crack me up! But you have a valid point here!
Elizabeth says:
i always wonder about the women who say that some guy looked at them, because i am extended BFing my almost 2 yr old and have done so at malls, on buses, on planes, in foreign countries, walking down city streets (yea baby carriers!) and can’t remember thinking that a man or woman was staring a little too long. maybe i zone out too long or maybe i just don’t care. i seriously doubt anyone is really trying to catch a glimpse of my breast. more than likely, they are just trying to figure out what we are doing.
Mandy says:
Here’s the thing I don’t get. I am breastfeeding our third child, like with the other two. In all this time, I’ve never had anyone blink at me, let alone stare. Is it because I’m in Vancouver BC? I don’t think Canadians are any more or less likely to stare or make accidental non-pervy eye contact. I don’t cover up, but generally pull up my shirt, so it’s over the top and baby covers my stomach rolls. (Harder to get rid of the roll with child #3.) Maybe that’s the difference?
Sometimes I wonder if a small number of women are looking around trying to see if they can make eye contact with someone in order to yell, “He’s staring!” Or maybe it really is different in America from Canada and I haven’t experienced that. I wonder what happens in Europe? Anyone have feedback on that experience?
Mijke says:
I live in Europe (in the Netherlands). I have breastfed my twins for 21 months, and am still breastfeeding my 16 month old singleton. I have never gotten any weird stares. Yes, people sometimes look at us while I’m feeding, but they always look at the whole picture. At a mom nursing her baby. I can’t help looking at other nursing women and giving them a smile. It’s such a natural, warm and cozy thing to do.
I’ve never had someone stare at my breasts just because they are breasts. But maybe that’s because in my case there really isn’t much to look at *grin*
It’s probably a lot more normal to breastfeed in public here. Here being the Netherlands. Not that there are more women breastfeeding, because most women I know bottlefeed. But the women that do breastfeed are quite comfortable doing so in public. Just across the border, in Belgium (only an hours drive from where I live), breastfeeding in public is being frowned upon in general. So I think a lot of it IS cultural.
I’ve always fed my children whenever and wherever they were hungry. I’ve fed in restaurants, on park benches, in department stores, in a train, at a playground, and I’ve never used a blanket for anything else than shielding the kids against sun or wind.
When my twins were still very small I happened to be sitting in front of a large mirror while feeding (and even pumping afterwards. In an empty bedroom, don’t worry. I’m not very modest, but pumping in plain view is too much even for me ;-)). I was curious how it looked to be feeding (wasn’t too comfortable feeding in public yet) and I was really surprised at how little you could actually SEE. The only (slim) chance anyone has of catching a glimpse of an actual nipple is while you are getting in position and the baby hasn’t latched on yet. Once the baby is latched, most of the breast is covered by the baby’s head. If I drop my t-shirt a bit, and wear a singlet underneath that I pull down to feed, the only bit of skin visible is maybe a square centimeter above baby’s nose.
If you would happen to come across me nursing and you would stare for a few seconds before looking away hastily, I’d think nothing of it.
I do, however, want to know more about the ice in urinals. WTF is up with that?!?
Lisa says:
I do recall a time when I was at a restaurant and a woman pulled out her boob and made NO attempt to shield herself in any way. I mean full on BIG boobage staring right at me while I am eating. And I am not a “oh dont tell me the dirty whatever while I’m eating or I will barf” kinda girl. I will take gross/inappropriate stories at any time. But I did find it a bit repulsive to be staring at a very large fully exposed boob in a restaurant. I have no issue with ladies doing this in public, but a shield of some sort is MUCH appreciated. Lisa
cindy w says:
Glancing for a beat too long? Eh. It happens.
The teenage boys who giggled and took pictures with their cell phones of my friend as she nursed her baby at Starbucks? Not ok.
And the latter scenario is one of the reasons why I don’t nurse my baby in public. She’s on both formula and breastmilk anyway, so I just make sure that it’s bottle-only when we’re out and about.
Jana says:
No worries Mike, I know other people have commented on this too, but even I stare a little too long and think “Wow. There’s a boob! In public.”
This is a tough one. I wasn’t a mom who breastfed my baby, so I never faced this dillema. I recently was at the mall with my teenage son and a mother was breastfeeding her baby without any cover and my son was super uncomfortable. I guess it really should be up to the breastfeeding mom and what the are comfortable with and everyone else should just deal with it.
Jana says:
Of course, that being said, I should clarify that if you are willing to whip your boob out with no shield you also do not get to complain about a few stares.
katie says:
Your post is a good one and I think you did a good job of addressing this.
Just one thing, though: BOOBS are not GENITALS. a man with his penis out is not AT ALL like a woman with her breast out.
Melissa says:
If a guy was walking down the mall (either muscle bound or man-boobed) with his shirt off, I’d look too long at either of those too. Any state of undress in public, save at the beach or pool, is bound to get people who stare.
Tracy says:
I see many of the comments are saying “choose to use a cover”…this makes me giggle. I would have LOVED to use a cover when I nursed my son. He would have NONE of that….he would unlatch and squirm as a newborn…yank the blanket off when he was old enough to be that coordinated. I was uncomfortable nursing in public so I very rarely did it…I left many a restaurant table to go sit in the car.
Nice post Mike. Even though I nursed one of my children for almost two years, and whole heartedly think mamas should be able to feed their babies however and wherever they choose…there’s moments I find it awkward in public.
Molly says:
I’m a woman and I probably would pause for a second if I saw a woman breastfeeding in public without a nursing cover, just because it’s so unusual. Probably just when it happens to men who get caught looking longer than a millisecond they feel more embarrassed because of the whole sex & bodies thing, because we as a culture are paranoid about it. If more women breastfed their babies (it’s still a small minority), we all probably wouldn’t stare. It’d be as boring a sight as someone pushing a stroller.
Amber says:
Mike, you are so awesome. Heather, you totally rock too.
I NEVER (almost) comment on posts, but I HAD to today because I couldn’t agree with you more and I’m not even a man.
I’ve had three children and breastfed all of them. Yes, even in public sometimes. ANYone breastfeeding in public SHOULD COVER THEMSELVES UP for crime-a-nutly. I mean, come on…it’s common sense. If you don’t want people staring for one, two or twenty seconds, cover those things up. I realize there are some who are upset with breastfeeding mamas even if they DO cover up, but that’s a whole ‘nother subject.
I, as a woman, find MYSELF staring a bit too long too, when I happen to catch a glance of a BOOB in public. I mean, come on! Breastfeeding or not, if you see a boob….it takes you back a bit. Not that I (or MOST people) are trying to get off, it’s just wow, there’s a boob. And, then you sorta snap out of it and go back to whatever it was you were doing.
I could say so much more, but I’ll spare you. Just know that I (along with many obviously) don’t think you’re a perv.
Keep on keepin’ on. You guys are awesome.
Christina says:
I say A as a general rule. To each their own but yes, like another woman commented, even MY eyes stay there a moment too long and I’m a heterosexual female. I think it’s the shock factor. Not shock in a bad way, but shock to the senses, something unexpected when scanning the environment.
For me, personally, though I’m not a mom yet, I absolutely know I would align with option B. I reserve the right to change my mind but I doubt I will. I am pretty modest – I don’t even like above the knee dresses. I don’t have any judgment towards women who don’t cover up, though. They shouldn’t have to. It’s no big deal! I’d like it if they follow your advice, though, and understand when someone glances for a moment too long it doesn’t mean something negative, it’s only a reflex.
Mary says:
I say put a shield on. It’s only polite. I breastfed 2 kids until age 1 and still feel uncomfortable when I see exposed breasts in public. Let’s just be considerate of each other. I know it’s perfectly natural but so is pooping and we don’t do that out in the open.
Heather @ CSAHM says:
This post made me laugh. A lot.
jessica says:
Clearly those women are too modest for their own good. It’s a boob. you can look at them inNational Geograpic….. After 2 kids I have no modesty… I’ve had my skirts pulled down in public, boobs hanging out because my girls decided to stop breastfeeding and yank my shirt down (I would pay to know how they were so nimble at 8-9 months!!) and have no issues talking to random ppl at the play area while breastfeeding. It’s not a big deal.. Favorite thing that’s ever happened to me was some old grandmother YELLED at me for feedingmy NEWBORN while my 2 year old played in the toddler area…. This guy from London comes up and defends me, tells her to buffer off and sits right next to me and starts a conversation…. I love Europeans! ( Guess that’s why I married one!)
AmazingGreis says:
Mike, you ROCK!
Erica says:
Very touchy subject that I am just going to answer in a short manner. I say B and kudos for being a male and touching this subject. I’m also snickering at the word titillating because it sounded like something else…while we were on the topic. Yes, I am being a child. A teen child.
Beth says:
Love your post! In fact, love all the blog posts here by both of you…..
I breastfed both my kids and in public I’d tried to use a receiving blanket and I usually tried to find a quiet spot because my kids were easily distracted and wouldn’t nurse if there was other stuff going on that they just had to see…. I can’t tell you how many times my son while nursing would whip the blanket off to see what was going on around him if he heard any noise at all. He nursed until he was just over a year but from a very young age he detested having a blanket on while nursing…. even when it wasn’t covering his head and he could see around, he’d crane his neck to turn his head (while latched on.. OW!) to see whatever was happening around him.
Nia says:
I’m usually just a loyal reader to your blog, and hardly ever comment, but due to the extreme outrage by the new “Breast Milk Baby” that is coming to the US, I felt the urge to comment here. The outrage and all of the “EEEEWS!!” and “WTFs” brought on by this new doll just shows that our country is quickly becoming a country that does not accept breastfeeding, the NATURAL way to feed our babies. When God created women, I am soooo sure that he didn’t create the breast after thinking “Wouldn’t it be nice if women had larger chests so men could grab them, suck them, and stare at them?? WHY YES!” No. The breasts are for feeding our children. If a woman decides not to feed their baby that way, then fine. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I, personally would never judge anyone for formula feeding. I feel that breastfeeding women should get the same respect. My little boy is adopted, so of course he was formula fed. I am currently pregnant with my second child and I do plan to breastfeed this baby. I will breastfeed in public, but I will also be sure to cover myself up b/c I am aware that it makes people uncomfortable, so I would still keep that in mind while feeding my baby when it’s hungry, no matter where I am.
beck says:
I feel that I am in the same boat, because even though I am a gal, I have no kids… so breast feeding makes me uncomfortable. (Actually, a lot about kids – not to mention pregnancy – makes me squirm)
I think a lot of the mom’s who complain about guys staring at them are maybe uncomfortable about the whole situation themselves, so they are hyper-sensitive. Men have been trained to look at breast, and ladies have been trained to cover them. (I mean it has to be a wtf moment the moment that milk comes out of those things)
Moms – if you can not cover up, I understand. You are in “mom-world” and there is a lot I do not get. I might be more comfortable if you covered up or waited at home to do that, but maybe the more we see it the more we get used to not just seeing boobs in a sexual way.
Mama in the City says:
Oh my God. Are people still writing blog posts on this topic. Seriously? Is it really still an issue out there?
Yes. It is okay to nurse in public. It’s not a big deal if you do a quick glance to see what is going on. Instead it just normalizes it even more. Yep, that lady is breastfeeding. Yep, that baby is having it’s lunch. If you find yourself staring and are caught, just do a polite mature smile and go back to whatever you are doing.
MJ says:
Seriously? Women post this??? I’m in shock.
I nurse in public, and the majority of the time, no one has a clue that I am, because I don’t make a huge show of it. I actually sat next to my uncle at dinner and nursed my baby on both sides and he had no idea; he actually asked when I was going to feed that child, did he EVER get hungry? Yep, 20 minutes ago.
So when someone stares a beat too long, I chock it up to they are trying to see the cute baby, not they’re attempting to view my nipple.
Amy says:
I think it’s kind of funny that people get so flustered over a baby eating. If I see someone looking or make accidental eye contact I just smile at them. If someone is sour enough to be rude over my baby having lunch then it’s their issue not mine. There are certainly bigger problems in the world than a baby peacefully eating.
I think giant nursing covers draw embarrassing attention! I wear a camisole under my shirt so I can pull the outer shirt up and then pull the top of the cami down. That way absolutely nothing is exposed. People don’t even realize I’m nursing most of the time. I also walk around an nurse in the baby carrier everywhere and no one can tell!
Amanda says:
9 years ago when I had my twins there was no such thing as a “hooter hider” or other such cumbersome tents perched around the neck of women. Most cho0se to use a small blanket however doing this was impossible while breastfeeding my two babies. Yes, they ALWAYS ate together and covering up was not really an option. The biggest compliment came while I was feeding the babies in a mall family washroom. He was taking his daughter to the washroom when he stopped, stared, and said “WOW, I didn’t even think that was possible! I’m sorry, wow, I’m sorry, (he was trying so hard to divert his eyes) but WOW…amazing! There was nothing perverted about this stranger watching me feed my babies for 20 or 30 seconds. It was empowering and genuine.
meoskop says:
It comes down to consideration, so I say B.
If you can’t be considerate of other people’s differing views then you have no right to be outraged when they don’t consider your views. Using a blanket doesn’t stop the baby from eating. Finding a private place with a child that doesn’t want to be covered doesn’t stop a baby from eating. Teenagers, childless people, random strangers, all may not feel the same way you do about public breastfeeding and the best choice to make, when in public, is to err on the side of politeness.
I remember many women in my family using a cover in public and following their personal preferences at home. I’ll find myself staring at a ‘lay it all out’ mom, just like I find myself staring at anyone I think is being needlessly rude. I think most people do.
Mallory Helms says:
There are over a hundred comments on my facebook page right now debating this VERY subject. Search for me on there if you would like to see their views. I can’t believe some of the answers haha!
Autumn says:
I’ve actually had conversations with a few men who caught me breastfeeding in public and were not shy about it. One told me that I was doing a great job giving my baby the best food possible and to keep it up. I was a bit embarrassed (and I’m one of those ones who just whip it out and breastfeed anywhere) because he was talking to me about it, but I was also flattered that he said anything at all.
Sharon says:
I’m not sure why A and B are opposed. Nobody I know has ever just stripped a breast — neither of my boys would tolerate their heads being covered while nursing, but I’ve nursed in front of mirrors, and asked for opinions from my husband and trusted friends, and they say you can’t see anything anyway. I just use the baby as a shield! His head covers breast/nipple, I pull up a t-shirt (sometimes w/ nursing tank under it, others not), and his body covers tummy area. Shirt still covers other boob.
When they get to the “pop on and off” stage, they are old enough to learn that the first time they come off, mealtime’s over — unless we’re at home. (YMMV — I know every breastfeeding mom/baby pair is different!) (And this doesn’t apply to the first few weeks — I used a blanket then, since it’s so awkward when they’re learning to latch.)
Neeroc says:
You crack me up. And I’ll admit too that I’ve not only BF’d in public but I’m sure I’ve looked too long at other mamas. Number one reason is the eye/brain disconnect where I’m all ‘what the? Why’s she holding the baby like that…OH!’ So ya, I’m just slow.