When I arrived to pick up Heather for our first date, I stopped and took a deep breath, then knocked on the door of the apartment she shared with Jackie and Bella. I immediately heard the three of them laughing on the other side. One of the laughs rose above the others (I would later realize it was Jackie’s inimitable laugh), and it was the kind of laugh that either meant:
“Uh-oh! That weirdo you’re stuck going out with is here!”
Or…
“He’s here! The guy you’ve been talking about all day is here!”
I knew then that this date was either going to go really well or really crappy. Luckily for me the date turned out great, and my life with Heather – and Jackie – began.
Back then Heather and Jackie were just twenty-three and living in Hermosa Beach – one of the most beautiful and fun beach towns in California – and had about ten of their sorority sisters from USC living on the same block. Suddenly, instead spending each weekend with my buddies debating the merits of the new Star Wars movies, I found myself hanging out in this incredible beach town with a dozen beautiful and vibrant young women. That, as you can imagine, was a pretty awesome situation for a twenty-something dude to find himself thrown into.
In those early days I spent a lot of time at Heather’s place, which meant that Jackie and Bella had an (almost) fourth roommate they didn’t sign up for, but they were both wonderful to me. Jackie was especially welcoming, and made me feel like I was part of the gang right away.
Looking back, that apartment was nothing short of a blast. Every day those three crazy girls were doing something entertaining, whether it was throwing water balloons off their balcony, breaking into impromptu dance sessions, singing N’ Sync songs at the top of their lungs, or rolling around on the carpet laughing until they cried. And Jackie was always there dancing the fastest, singing the loudest, and laughing the hardest.
Those youthful days of fun couldn’t last forever, unfortunately, and it wasn’t long before each of the girls went their own separate way. Jackie moved to San Francisco, a move which made sense for her because she was born and raised in the Bay Area. She actually grew up not even ten minutes away from where I did, but we didn’t meet until that night in Hermosa Beach (though we did know some of the same people and most of the same local hangouts).
Heather and I would often visit Jackie in San Francisco, and she also came to Los Angeles a lot. When she did she slept in our guest room, and we always had a tremendous time together. We were more mature then – which meant less water balloons and break dancing and more discussions of politics and current events – but we had just as much fun nonetheless.
One night the three of us were chatting when it occurred to me that Jackie never censored what she said in front of me like some of Heather’s other friends did. While those others girls saved their girl talk for when the boyfriends and husbands weren’t around, Jackie never did. I was an honorary girl in Jackie’s eyes… privy to the gossip and private conversations… and it meant a lot to be trusted like a close friend and not just the spouse of one. Those were wonderful times together.
Our days were to get darker though. First, Jackie was diagnosed with brain cancer, and then not long afterward, our Maddie passed away. When Maddie died, Jackie, despite everything she was dealing with, immediately came to Los Angeles to take care of Heather and me. I could write for hours about how much the support she gave us during that impossible time meant, but it would probably be less evocative than something Heather’s Aunt Lynn wrote to me today:
Dear Mike,
I knew in an instant how loving and caring Jackie was when I walked into your home and there she was holding and rocking you the day after Maddie passed away. It was a powerful introduction to a beautiful friend.
Jackie was just that… a beautiful friend. Only three months ago she joined us in marching for Maddie at the March For Dimes’ Walk. The fact that Jackie came to Los Angeles and walked the entire three miles despite everything she was going through should give you an idea of what kind of a fighter and true inspiration she was these last four years.
As incredible as she was since her diagnosis though, and she was incredible, carrying herself with such grace, strength, and love, it needs be said that she was incredible before her diagnosis too. The reason she was able to carry herself with such grace, strength, and love after her diagnosis was because that’s exactly how this wonderful woman carried herself before it.
I love you, Jackie. You made a difference in my life, and I will carry you in my heart forever.
Lisa says:
My condolences to you, Mike. I know you lost an incredible friend in Jackie! as well.
Auntie_M says:
Oh Mike! You, as well as Heather, have been in my thoughts and prayers and over the past couple weeks and especially the past few days.
Jackie was indeed an extraordinary person! How she comforted both of you after Maddie passed away! It just makes me cry all the more because I’m sure she would be the friend who was there comforting both of you now, if only….
Please know you, Heather and Annie are in my thoughts and prayers and much love is being sent your way.
In tears and with love, Mary
Quart says:
What a beautiful tribute, Mike.
Krissa says:
I wish I could find better words to express the deep sympathy and sadness I feel for you and all Jackie’s loved ones. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Sue says:
What a truly beautiful friendship, Mike………………….Hugs to all of you
Meg says:
God bless…what a beautiful soul…
defendUSA says:
Aw. I’m sure she felt the same. The good things will carry you on. Think of the light of Jackie! and the laugh, the smile and there you’ll go because you must!
Leslie K says:
I wish I had something more poetic or profound to say… but I’m just so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend.
Pgoodness says:
Crying, Mike. What a beautiful tribute to a friend. Hugs from afar.
Anna says:
I am so sorry for your loss. You are an incredible husband. What you and Heather have all been through lately is just so painful. At least you have each other. Even though at times that doesn’t seem like enough when the pain gets so overwhelming. But you really do seem like an amazing husband and daddy. All your girlies are so lucky to have you.
Melli says:
So sorry for you loss, Mike. She sounds so amazing & not the kind of amazing they make people out to be after they’ve gotten sick or passed. She sounds like she was truly amazing all along. Hugs.
mel says:
You lost a beautiful friend, Mike. I’m so sorry for that. Thinking of both you and Heather lately. xo
Lanie says:
Beautiful Jackie! and beautiful post. I am so sorry. As I wrote to Heather, I wish I had the right words but until I find them I am sending hugs. Take care.
nicol says:
Exactly what Lanie said. Much love to you and yours.
Jenn says:
Hello Dear Mike,
I was just looking at that very picture last night….I love it!!! I really love it and I loved that you shaved your head in Jackie’s honour as well….that is true friendship!!!
I am so happy you have special memories of Jackie too! Like I said to Heather….just like Maddie, Jackie will NEVER be far from your heart or soul!!!
Take Care My Friend….ALWAYS here for you!!!
Love,
Jenn
Brandy says:
Thank you for sharing this Mike. I tuly believe our friends are the family we get to choose for ourselves and Jackie was a huge part of your family. My very best thoughts go out to you and yours at her loss.
TamaraL says:
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend, Mike. But oh, so glad that she came into your life!
Natalie says:
Mike, this is so lovely. Thank you so much for sharing what is in your heart.
Lori McBride says:
Thank you for sharing her beautiful soul with all of us. It’s an honor to “know” such an amazing person through both you and Heather. Praying for you all.
Kate says:
What beautiful words. I have nothing to add except to say that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Lisa F. says:
What a wonderful tribute.
eva says:
I lost my childhood best friend to malignant melanoma 5.5 years ago. She was only 31 years old. I know what you and HEather are going through. It sort of gets easier, but honestly I still think about Karen every.single.day, so many years later. Take care. My thoughts are with you both.
laura says:
Beautiful post, Mike.
Meg says:
Gorgeous words for a gorgeous heart.
leanne says:
Beautiful indeed. Thank you for sharing a part of Jackie! with us… thinking of you all…
Kate says:
Written beautifully…even though so many of us don’t know Jackie personally, the way you and Heather have been expressing yourselves the past few days, we really get the sense of what a beautiful person she was.
meg....ct says:
What a heartbreaking loss for your family…Godspeed, Jackie.
Skye says:
It’s awesome that you had your own friendship with Jackie! and you weren’t just “Heather’s husband” to her. She had such a big heart. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Nanette says:
I love this, Mike, and I love that you and Jackie found each other. Such a beautiful soul.
Sonya aka Glam-O-Mommy says:
What a beautiful, amazing friend she was to both of you and you to her. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss and am praying for all of you.
Courtney says:
What a beautiful tribute. My heart goes out to you all.
Kristin (MamaKK922) says:
This is So beautiful.
Madeleine says:
Think of all you. What a wonderful woman to have known.
Molly says:
Totally crying at this. What a terrible loss. What a beautiful friend.
Sarah says:
I visit the blog nervously every day, hoping this particular one would never come. I’m so sorry Mike, for the loss of your amazing friend. I know she started as Heather’s friend, but you clearly all became family. My thoughts are with you.
Glenda says:
Beautiful tribute for beautiful Jackie!
Thinking of you, Heather and Jackie’s family and friends. Sorry for your loss. May peace, comfort and strength carry you.
Leah says:
Praying for you and Heather and Jackie’s family. She sounds like she was a one in a million friend.
Melissa says:
You, Mike, and all of Jackie’s family and friends are in my thoughts and prayers. I just got engaged this last weekend and I can’t not even imagine not having my best friend by my side through everything. It’s awful. My fiance had an optic nerve glioma (thankfully non-cancerous) which was removed leaving him with loss of his peripheral vision. I am so thankful it wasn’t cancer or I may not have ever met my Prince Charming. I hope that someday there is a cure so families don’t have to say goodbye to their loved ones like you have had to do.
Amber says:
TEARS! Thank you for sharing this, Mike ….
Amy says:
I am so sorry for your and Heather’s very great loss. Jackie! sounds like an incredible spirit and I am so sorry she has left this earth far too soon.
Hugs to you both.
Lisa says:
I hope you and Heather can rock each other. Along with some from Annie and Rigby. Nothing can replace Jackie’s hugs but hug each other. I am so sorry.
Jackie says:
what a lovely tribute to a fantastic woman. I’m sorry for your loss too Mike. It is clear that Jackie! will be missed by many.
Christina says:
Mike,
As I write this I cry, What a most wonderful tribute to a loving a beloved Lady, Take comfort she is now With Maddie, In no more pain and no longer suffering. She is up there passing on the art of tying water balloons so they break just at the right moment, and teaching her the ways of Justin Timberlake and such.
My thoughts and Prayers are with your family and also hers through this difficult time, know that even though I never met her, by reading about her, she was one Awesome Girlfriend to have on your side.
jess says:
It’s never easy to lose someone you love. I’m so sorry.
Jacquie says:
Beautiful… Simply beautiful
SJ says:
Beautiful, Mike. Truly.
Tracey in the NorCal says:
I haven’t been able to find the words to respond to Heather’s posts as yet, and I had to get up and walk out of the room several times while reading yours, Mike. Tears, nothing but tears. My heart hurts for you all, and I send loving, healing thoughts your way.
Karen says:
I am so sorry for loss of your dear friend, too. What an enigmatic woman she must have been. I am just so sorry.
Jane says:
Crying. What a beautiful tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sarah R says:
Oh my. What a beautiful woman she was. I am so sorry for your loss. The world has suffered a tremendous loss. May her beautiful memory live on in your hearts.
Jayme Q says:
This is beautiful, Mike.
Terri says:
Beautiful post…..absolutely beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss and for Heathers loss. What a truly amazing woman.