That Last Saturday

by Mike on May 19, 2011

in Mike, Newborn Identity

There is park just down the street that is perfect for children. It has a playground full of swings and sand, a pond that is home to many beautiful ducks, and open spaces covered with plenty of green grass.  Despite this, until last week Heather and I had never taken Annabel there. That is because the park is where Heather and I took Maddie on the last Saturday we ever had together.

That last Saturday Maddie had a great time riding the swing, and I had just as much fun watching her giggle and smile.

Once finished with the swing we sat Maddie down on a bench in front of the duck pond…

looking

… so that she could watch the ducks and squeal, “Duckies!”

It was a pleasant, simple afternoon. The kind that, had things turned out differently, would have faded from my memory because it would have been just like so many others.

Last week, when we finally took Annie to the park, we started on the swings just as we did with Maddie. Like her sister, Annie loved it.

However, upon trying to take Annie to the duck pond, we found this:

IMG_0754

The pond had been drained for repairs, and it was surrounded by a chain link fence that kept people out.

Heather and I peered through the fence at the bench Maddie sat on that last Saturday. It was now peeling and weather beaten.

We stood there a sad moment before turning away. The irony that we literally couldn’t go back to that happy place with Maddie wasn’t lost on us, but neither of us mentioned it. Instead we choked back tears and took Annie to play elsewhere in the park, hopeful that that day would soon be forgotten among so many others.

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Damaris @Kitchen Corners May 19, 2011 at 12:25 am

What a lovely post. It always seems so very wrong and confusing to me that after we loose someone the world continues, small things like the duck pond being closed for repair, takes place when we so desperately can’t understand how things can possibly go on without the one we lost.

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2 Rumour Miller May 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

This. How can the world go on when the one we love so very much is gone.

Hugs. Lots of them.
Rumour Miller´s last [type] ..Infertile by Choice

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3 Elle May 19, 2011 at 12:28 am

I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you some words of comfort but saying I’m sorry that you’re going through this are the only words I can find.
Elle´s last [type] ..I can’t think of a better way to wake up than to have a shark staring me in the face

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4 Ashley May 19, 2011 at 1:30 am

I’m so glad you took so many pictures of her in her beautiful, yellow dress.

My heart aches with and for yours.

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5 Sue May 19, 2011 at 3:33 am

Beautiful, beautiful Maddie memories…………………………….
Hugs to all of you, Mike.

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6 Deborah May 19, 2011 at 6:20 am

(((hugs)))
Deborah´s last [type] ..OMG- a NEW Post!

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7 Jenn May 19, 2011 at 7:41 am

OOhhh Mike, such difficult memories. As I looked at her picture in her bright, little yellow dress, I thought how surreal it is to think just a few days after that she was gone. It is nothing less than heartbreaking and I am so very sorry it is.

Sending you much love, support & friendship as yourself, Annie and Heather transition into your new home. I know leaving the home you once had the excitement of bringing Maddie home is indeed so bitter/sweet.

I hope your new home brings you all endless joy, many adventures, lots of laughter but most of all…a real sense of solace.

Thinking of you…today, tomorrow and always!!!!
Jenn

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8 AngieM. May 19, 2011 at 8:48 am

oh mike, i’m sorry. this hurt my heart for you
many hugs
xoxo

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9 Marnie * May 19, 2011 at 8:51 am

This brought tears to my eyes. You and your family are always in my thoughts.

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10 Rebecca May 19, 2011 at 9:04 am

The spirit of your little angel dressed in yellow lives on so beautifully through your and Heather’s words.
Rebecca´s last [type] ..Your Digits

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11 Sherry May 19, 2011 at 9:10 am

I think of you guys often. Maddie in that gorgeous yellow dress with the matching shade of sunshine in her hair….pulls at my heart strings. Big big big hugs to you guys.

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12 MrsP May 19, 2011 at 9:49 am

hugs***

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13 Pattie May 19, 2011 at 10:24 am

Hugs and love to you and Heather.

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14 Glenda May 19, 2011 at 10:27 am

You have a beautiful way with words. Bittersweet memories of beautiful Maddie!

Sending you hugs!!!

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15 Sarah May 19, 2011 at 10:36 am

Douglas Park. :( We had the same problem with Meredith this weekend. She kept asking “Where duckies go?”

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16 Lisa May 19, 2011 at 2:54 pm

You’ll always have that moment on the bench in your heart. Hugs to you guys as you wade through bittersweet moments like this weekend.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Where- Oh Where Are the Toilets

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17 Rhonda S May 19, 2011 at 5:00 pm

The grace and strength you and Heather show are exceptional.

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18 Penbleth May 20, 2011 at 1:36 am

I’m so sorry Mike.
Penbleth´s last [type] ..The day of reprieve is here Hurrah

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19 mccgood May 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm

I don’t know how you do it day after day. You guys are amazing.
mccgood´s last [type] ..Drained

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20 Ray May 21, 2011 at 12:02 am

That photo of Maddie is amazing.

I hope that someday soon the pond is re-opened again. So you can all rejoice in Maddie’s memory. Just like you wanted to, on that day. <3

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21 Elizabeth May 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Sending hugs and love your way

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