This year, I really wanted to run away from it all. Just pack up everything and everyone and escape. But, we couldn’t – instead, we stayed close to home, and tried to get through it.
Annie woke up early, on the wrong side of the bed. I didn’t want to get out of bed at all, but that wasn’t an option. I pulled out her purple skirt and while I was digging through her drawers for a matching shirt, she saw last year’s March for Maddie shirt and asked to wear it.
She ran around in the warm sun, kicking balls, throwing bark, and improving her mood. I watched her from behind my sunglasses. I didn’t want her to see my tears. She’d have asked why I was crying, and I wasn’t up for explaining.
Eventually we left the house. I had to…I couldn’t be home between the hours of 4 and 6:57pm. If I was, I’d just stare at the clock, counting the minutes, the final moments. I had to get out. I changed Annie’s shirt…I didn’t want strangers to ask, “Who is Maddie?” I couldn’t deal with that question on April 7th.
We had to buy a gift for a friend’s birthday, so we went to the toy store. We selected a gift for the birthday boy and Annie picked out a small bouncy ball for herself. I lingered in the section for four-year-old girls. I wondered what Maddie would have picked out for herself. I eventually grabbed a doll and bought it. It will be donated first thing tomorrow.
After the store, we wandered over to a play area. I normally keep Annie away from those, but she looked so hopeful when she asked, “Annie slide?” that we let her in. She was timid at first, but then an older girl, probably around six or so, joined her at the top of the slide and said, “I’ll go down with you.” She grabbed Annie’s hand and down they went.
Over and over, this girl helped Annie up the stairs, and then helped her down the slide. Annie gazed at this big sister stand-in adoringly. I sat on a bench and cried.
We ended the day with Maddie videos. Annie laughed and clapped with glee. At bedtime, we tucked her in and I said, “I love you Annie.” She replied, “I love you too, mama.”
As I walked out the door, I heard her say, “I love Mama, Dada, Rigby, babies, and Maddie.”
I sat on the couch and cried.
Elaine says:
Hi Heather,
I’m a long-time reader, but this is only my second time commenting. I just wanted you to know that I’ve thought about you and your family all day today.
In church, I said a prayer for Maddie, hoping that wherever she was, she would be safe in God’s arms. I can’t even imagine how difficult this day must be for you, but I think that you are one of the strongest people in the world.
Even though we have never met, I feel like you, Mike, Maddie, Annie, and even Rigby are members of my family. I wish the best for all of you almost as much as I wish the same for my own family. I know that a stranger’s words can only mean so much, but I truly hope that you find peace someday. This world has thrown many curveballs your way, but, from what I’ve read, you’ve handled them all with courage and grace.
Continue to be strong and know that there is love all around you, even from those that you least expect it.
Jay- The Dude of the House says:
Heather,
My thoughts are with you and Mike during this difficult time. Though I only know Maddie via your blog, I can see that she was quite an angel from everything I’ve read. She lit up every picture like no one I’ve ever seen. That smile is one of a kind.
I lost my mother a little over a year ago and way too early. I never thought that she wouldn’t be around forever, until she wasn’t. The title of your post “The Third Seventh” reminded me of something I wrote on the anniversary of her passing: “The Last First”.
Check it out, if you are so inclined: http://dudeofthehouse.blogspot.com/2012/01/last-first.html
Best,
Jay
Mandy says:
My heart breaks for you over and over again. Sending all of my love. Every single ounce of it.
LeahT says:
No words but don’t want to say nothing. My heart aches reading about your day. Your daughters are lovely and have beautiful parents xx
Alison says:
I’ve been thinking of you and your family. Sending hugs and wishes to you all from the other side of the continent.
Amy Collen says:
It looks like that little girl that was helping Annie was wearing a purple shirt. I live for little signs like that. After my sweet Noah died I see them a lot. Sounds crazy I know but for me, it’s true.
TonyaM says:
It’s not crazy at all. I too believe that there are always signs if we pay attention. The fact that Annie wanted to wear the Maddie shirt that day was probably one….
Hugs and prayers to all.
Sue says:
I also think that the little girl wearing purple, on the slide with Annie, was a definite sign, too, Amy. I’m glad that you pointed that out.
Auntie_M says:
I agree! I think Annie wanting to wear Maddie’s picture on her shirt that day and the little stand-in-big-sister in purple were little signs from Maddie.
LilianCali says:
Tears, lots of them, and you know what? Maddie deserves them and so do you and your family. So many of us who have followed your blog, will give you our tears every year, forever. We will never forget.
Krissa says:
Thanks for sharing your day with us – the words and the photos. You’re in my thoughts.
designhermomma says:
heather, still thinking and praying for your family all the time. Thank you for such a raw and honest post. I wish I could take away the pain from you, even if it was for just one day.
Lisa says:
I spent much of my day Saturday thinking about you and about Maddie. My heart still breaks regularly for what you have to live with. I hope the love and prayers and thoughts and virtual hugs being sent your way from around the world helped ease the pain just a little.
Love and hugs. I’ll be keeping you all close in my heart.
Melissa says:
Heather and Mike, no one on earth except a parent who has lost a child can comprehend the pain you have experienced and are experiencing, but you put your feelings about Maddie into such powerful words and photos that it’s impossible not to read your blog and just want to hug you all. My company is doing March of Dimes this year in Michigan and I’d love to see to it that we march for Maddie. I know I will be.
Melissa says:
I also loved your post about the texts and calls and kind words … needing them now as much as before. It was a good lesson to us all. Thinking of you and your family.
Meghan says:
Heather and Mike…I was thinking of you all and hoping that Maddie was sending you bright spots to help you get through the day.
There is a house I drive by occasionally, waaaay out in the country, and the shutters are painted “Maddie purple.” I think of you every single time I see it.
Your family, your daughters, have touched so many of us. It probably seems sort of obscure at times, but your Maddie especially has a place in thousands of people’s hearts.
Lynda M O says:
Heather and Mike and Annie, may you find peace amongst the moments of sadness always.
@maggiedammit says:
I still remember where I was when your heart cracked wide open, and I still think of Maddie every time I’m there. This week was no exception, and I pledge to you I’ll never forget.
Love to you.
Sue says:
Oh, Heather,,,when you said that you sat on the bench and cried as Annie was on the slide, and also that you cried when she said, at bedtime, that she loved Maddie,,,,,tears started streaming down my face. I wish, with all of my heart, that there was something that I could do to ease the pain,,,,,,,,,,if only that was possible. Also, I loved that Amy noticed the little girl, helping Annie on the slide, was wearing a purple shirt. I just don’t think that it’s a coincidence,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Love to all of you, at this time,,,,,and always.
Mary says:
I never feel like saying “I’m thinking of you” is enough, but it’s what I’ve got. And though it’s painful to watch, I’m so glad Annie is able to see, and in some way, know her sister. Thinking of you all.
Mary says:
Everything I start to write just sounds so…useless. I know that no one can really help, as this is a solitary journey, but know that you are not alone. We will be here for as long as you let us be.
Rachel says:
I love Heather, Mike, Maddie, Annie, and Rigby. (Babies aren’t too bad, either. ; ) )
Thought of you SO much this weekend. I wish I could do something/say something that would help, but all I can send you is my virtual hugs.
cj says:
thought of and prayed for you and your beautiful family all weekend. take care.
Becca says:
Spohrs,
That was beautiful. Annie is so insightful at such an early age. Beautiful and heartbreaking all wrapped up in a package.
I just wanted to let you know that your family was in my thoughts all weekend.
Lucy says:
I also spent the day and night thinking about you. Hate that you have to live this day for the 3rd time… My prayers are with you!! Hugs
Adrienne says:
I cry with you as my heart breaks for you all
Jamie says:
Nikki says:
No words today, just love and comfort from 3,000 miles away.
XOXO times infinity from GA.
Milly says:
You and your sweet family were on my mind heavily this weekend. You are so loved…. (((((hugs)))))
Caroline says:
Thought of you all weekend. The little girl helping Annie was in purple, too bittersweet for words! She’s always with you watching over you all.
Molly says:
I’m so sorry, you strong beautiful lady (and family). It just sucks but you handle it with such apparent grace and dignity (I’m sure we all have our less-than moments too). You are parenting her memory indeed. Wishing you rest and peace in the coming days.
Lisa F. says:
Meg...ct says:
I think some days will always be unbearable…thinking of you.
TamaraL says:
I’m sorry Heather. Just so sorry…
Jill says:
Long time reader, but I don’t comment very often since I read through Google Reader. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I was thinking about you, Mike, and Maddie this weekend. My heart breaks for you and the loss of your beautiful Maddie.
Melody says:
I have been reading your blog for a few years now and I don’t think I have ever commented. You said on your post the other day.. your family can use some extra love and thoughts right now.. so I figured I’d let you know, although I have no kids of my own, I love reading your blog. I read all sorts of blogs, but yours is one of my favorites. Annie is so adorable, and I totally wish you and Mike were my parents! I have told my friends and my family and my boyfriend about Maddie and how much I feel for you and Mike and Annie every day. I find myself missing somebody I have never met, and wishing for a family I don’t even know.. that they some how find peace. I wish nothing but that for you and yours Heather. Stay strong.
giselle says:
I’m so so so sorry =(
Pattie says:
Thinking of you all and sending you much love.
chantelle says:
Thinking of you all. ?
Lydia says:
There are no words. Just tears.
I’m so sorry. I really & truly am.
kristin says:
I also want to let you know that I thought of your beautiful family this weekend and always. Not always great at commenting, but read your blog daily and have cried many tears for your incredible loss. I celebrated my daughter Eve’s 3rd birthday on Saturday. One of our little party guests lost his grip on a yellow balloon and a bunch of us stood and watched it float away into the sky for a long time. I thought of Maddie’s beautiful yellow dress and immediately regretted not buying a purple balloon to release this year like I had done last year for your Maddie and my Grandmother. She will never be forgotten. I’m so sorry.
Jenn says:
I sent the last couple of days in the quiet of the nights watching video’s of Maddie. I’ve cried many tears…..for Maddie….for you….for Mike……Annie…..your parents. The loss is so PROFOUND….So Deep!! I remember reading post about Maddie & thinking just how loved this tiny, little girl was. And then suddenly she was just…..Gone. So unfair – such SORROW. Too say I’m sorry is an absolute understatment!! My heart not only breaks for you, it aches for you. I love hearing stories of Maddie but I also know some of them are hard to retell. Sending you MUCH Support,Love & Friendship.
D in NB says:
I have been reading your blog daily for the past few years but have rarely commented. You and your family have been on my mind all weekend.
Like others have already said – there are no words – just tears. Your precious Maddie touched the lives of so many people around this big beautiful world – including me. Although I have never met her, I will remember her always.
Lots of Love to you, Mike, and your families.
D in N.B. – Canada
Gwen says:
I am so sorry. The simplicity of what you wrote…sitting on the bench crying, crying after you put Annie to bed. I’m crying as I read it. Watching my three girls play together (even though they’re arguing right now) is such a gift, and I am so so sorry (there aren’t enough “so’s” in the world) that you don’t get to have that. It’s unfair, and horrible. I am so sorry.
Heather G says:
My tears joined yours as I read this. I continue to be impressed by how you & Mike are including Maddie in Annie’s life. You do it in such a positive & meaningful way. Annie will grow up seeing the joy that was Maddie’s sweet life. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to share the videos and images of Maddie. But wow, she is truly present in your lives even if she isn’t here.
You continue to honor Maddie! Thank you for sharing her with us. I hope you feel Maddie with you.
Skye says:
The purple-clad girl helping Annie is so sweet. I’m so, so sorry that Maddie is not here to be Annie’s big sister. I thought of your family all weekend. It’s just so unfair. If I had one wish in the world, it would be to bring your Maddie back. I hope you feel the love from your readers and that we bring you some peace, even if it’s just a little bit.
AMY says:
Oh Heather…
hugs and tears.
Tamie says:
My heart breaks for you over and over. Thinking of you and your family xx
Scc6a says:
I comment here very rarely but I read every day. I just want you to know that I was thinking of you and your family all weekend. I’m so sorry for your heartache, and I’m glad that Annie is here to give you the joy that you deserve.
Hilary says:
There really are no words. But, I am so sorry that you have to live through this day and all of the others without your sweet Maddie. I am so sorry. Love the pictures of Annie. What a sweetie.
Jenifer says:
My heart aches for you all every time you share your pain. I’m glad that you made it through the day and so sad that it’s a day to be “made through.”
Thinking of you and yours.
Nancy at Spinning My Plates says:
Holding you all in my heart.
Hugs.
jen says:
I wish I had the right words. I am so sorry your family has to endure this loss. I am thinking of all of you.
kristeneileen says:
I know you know I am holding you in my heart of hearts. I cried, too. I love you guys.
Suzanne says:
Heather, I rarely comment but I always read and my thoughts are with you and Annie and Maddie and Mike.
Betsy says:
My heart just broke all over again. I’m sorry. I’m grateful for the little girl who played with Annie, for you getting through the day, for Annie’s sweet prayers. You are not crying alone. I hope today is a little easier.
Shannon B says:
I know that I’m a stranger, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you all weekend. Maddie is not forgotten. We are praying for you.
Bridget says:
Thinking of you. Wishing that helps (in even a tiny way).
sharon says:
You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers for the last few weeks. this time of year is always so bitter sweet, as we approach my son’s fourth birthday I always think of you and your braveness. thank you, as always, for sharing. I always leave your sight on the verge of tears and can only imagine what it must take for you to put this all out there. sending big virtual hugs.
Kelly says:
Still thinking of all of you.
pseudostoops says:
Thought about you guys all weekend. You and Maddie are in so many hearts.
Michelle H says:
Buckets of tears. Thinking so much of Maddie.
A smile peeked through my tears. Annie is two and she knows, loves, and cherishes Maddie already. They both couldn’t have better parents.
Alexandra :) says:
Must have been heartbreaking to watch that older girl playing with Annie on that day Maddie and Annie are both such beautiful, precious little girls, thank you for sharing them with the world
Vicky says:
I read this in my email. My first thought was “Who took that picture of Taylor?” (my daughter) then I realized oh, that’s Annie, DUH. Because really my Taylor and your Annie—SIMILAR, it’s kind of freaky.
Then I read your post and I cried. I can’t even imagine how it feels. My heart aches for you. Sending you lots of hugs from Arizona :0)
Jeanie says:
I can’t imagine having to go through this and am so sorry that you have to. My heart just aches for you. I hope each year is a little easier. Love and blessings.
Nicole says:
*Hands out Kleenex*
Sending love and many many purply thoughts to your beautiful family. I’m so very sorry for your heartache.
Jan says:
I am a longtime reader….really can’t remember how I found your site and beautiful Madeline…don’t even have kids of my own… but I just had to see those eyes, those curls, that face…so I became a regular reader…My heart broke for you then, and is still breaking for you now….Just wanted you and Mike to know I thought about you all week…
Michelle says:
I only met her once but I remember those curls blowing in the breeze and that spellbinding smile that would not let you look away. I literally kept finding myself staring at her and thought you would think I was some weird mama in the park. But she was mesmerizing. She was so beautiful and her spirit infectious in the park that day. And though our meeting was brief and fleeting and I never could have ever imagined what was to come, I have that moving snapshot in my mind of your precious baby girl that will last forever. Tears fall as I think of Maddie and the unbearable hole that has been left in your heart and family. I cannot begin to imagine and when I try, it is gut-wrenching. Tears for you and what is not. Tears for what should be. So many tears. So much pain sadness…and the unaswerable, why? Love from our family to yours. I wish there was anything that could be done to ease your pain, for surely you would have hundreds falling over themselves to do it for you. Instead we will stand with you in love and sadness for that precious angel girl.
Alexandra :) says:
I couldn’t help but notice that the girl playing with Annie is wearing purple too
Holley says:
hugs.
Rebecca says:
Lots of love and prayers for you all.
Jaime says:
love and prayers for all of you.
gillian says:
thought of all of you all weekend..
Holly says:
I only started reading your blog shortly after Maddie died – a friend (IRL) had posted on her blog about it, and…. awful. But, I’ve read almost every post since, and a lot of your archives too. I feel like I know you and your family, as stalker-esque as that sounds. I always think of all of you on holidays and on April 7, and I just don’t know what to say. My heart always breaks for your family, and I try not to cry in my office at work while reading some of your posts. ( March of Dimes advertisements also remind me of Maddie too.)
Phoebe says:
My heart breaks for you often but a little more this last week. Thinking of all of you.
Laura says:
I’m so sorry. I know I have no words to offer that can take away any of the hurt, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and your family in the midst of all the pain.
Celi says:
Hugs.
gayatri . lifeunordinary says:
A heartfelt post if there ever was one. They are all lucky to have you.
Terra says:
The fact that Annie chose Maddie’s shirt, that the girl was wearing purple, and that Annie said that she loves Maddie, shows me that Maddie was very much with all of you that day in spirit. Never enough. Hugs to you, Mike and Annie. And Rigby too.
Lanie says:
Thinking of you all. Sending hugs and good thoughts.
Cristy says:
I can’t even begin to imagine how hard the whole day was for you. I’m so sorry. :o(
fran b. says:
Thinking of all of you. xoxo. See you on the 28th.
f.
Auntie_M says:
Love, hugs, and tears for you sweet mama.
RzDrms says:
I’m so happy and grateful that Annie already knows and realizes and *feels* how much a part of your family Maddie is. That’s a joyous feeling, and I’m smiling for her perception, her purity, her excitement for her sister who everyone around her loves. What a smart, kind little girl you have. And I know she’ll only grow to continually celebrate her bigger half. I pray for years of smiles as you remember Maddie and keep her alive in your daily lives.
Every purple flower I see is Maddie. Just thought you should know.
Kim says:
Hugs, many many hugs to you, and your family.
Kayla says:
Try as I might, I can’t come up with anything profound right now, so I’m not going to let my shortcomings muddle anything up here.
Instead, I will simply say that I am listening. That I will always listen. That I, we, all love Maddie and all love you.
May big sloppy internet hugs embrace and comfort you.
edenland says:
Oh sweetheart I’m crying for you. The bittersweet beauty of the big-sister stand-in.
I love how Annie loves babies. And I adore how Annie loves Maddie.
I’m having a hard re-entry right now, but want you to know that yours is the first blog I’ve checked in days. Have been thinking of you constantly, all of you. I keenly feel the aching absence of Maddie, all the way over here.
XXXXXXXXX
Mijke says:
I haven’t been near any computers the past couple of days, so I haven’t been able to check in. Just want you both to know that Maddie has been in my thoughts…
I can’t say anything to make it hurt less. I wish I could.
*hug*
Tracy Dutton Gaal says:
Hi Heather,
I have been reading your blog for a long time but this is the first time I am commenting. I am so amazed by how brutally honest you and your family are. I am in awe of how you share your life with the world. I just wanted you to know that I pray for you, Mike, Annie and Maddie all the time. I did a walk last year for the March of Dimes and we raised $850. I just wanted you to know that I think of you and your beautiful girls.
Tracy
AngieM. says:
This post.. OH this post. i could never even begin to imagine.
i thought of you & maddie on the 7th. of course this day will now hold another meaning as well.. my niece lost her 13 month old daughter on that day, this year in January.
and now ..Maddie & Jasmine will play and be BFF’s up there..while they look down on us..the people who loved them.
you & mike are constantly in my thoughts heather.
xoxo
Jessica says:
The 11th is our day and our 4 and a half 11th is tomorrow. I can’t stop thinking about how far away it is yet how close it is at the same time. I’m sorry you ended your 7th crying but the tears always come when they need to or when we just can’t push them away any longer.
Anja Smits says:
I have followed your blog for years, even before your precious daughter passed away. I love your blog, your family, your struggles make total sense to me and I also love Mike’s perspective. Love watching pictures of Annie, such a cute young girl.
Tammy M. says:
Heather,
I truly believe you will see your sweet Maddie again some day. Someplace where time has no meaning and you will experience everything with her that you are missing out on today. Her short life has touched so many people. Me included. I pray for you and your family regularly. (I hope this isn’t too preachy – I don’t mean to preach.)
Hugs,
TM
Michelle says:
Whenever I read your posts like these, I am amazed at my reaction. My stomach clenches and the tears start immediately. It’s like my body understands how heart wrenching it would be to lose a child, but my mind won’t even let me go there. I can’t even bear to let myself to IMAGINE a loss like that, and yet you have to live it everyday. Parents should never have to endure the loss of a child. Ever. I think about your family a lot, and love to read your blog.
gorillabuns says:
I can’t bring myself to watch any videos. Sadly there aren’t many and I hate myself for this fact. The girls still talk about Maddie and Thalon together. I smile, nod at their notion and pray they are together.
AmazingGreis says:
Love to you, friend!!
Rachel R. says:
My heart and face are crying for you and everything you’ve all lost. Maddie passed away just before I became a mom and I think of her all the time. It’s so strange how the loss of someone I’ve never met has taught me so much. About living in the moment and cherishing every minute. I feel I am a better mother for having been touched by your daughter’s life. My prayers always include you… I realize that changes nothing. But I wanted you to know.