I hadn’t been to the park by my parents’ house in a really long time. I drive by it whenever I visit my mom and dad, but I don’t look at it out the window.

The last time I was there was well over 16 months ago.

Yesterday, Annabel was finally old enough to do one of her sister’s favorite things – swing. The first time Maddie went on a swing, it was at the park by my parents’ house.

So, to the park we went.

I placed her in the swing next to the one her sister sat in.

the two swings

And just like her sister before her, Annie loved swinging.

loving it

maddie swings

I busied myself taking photos, but when I felt overwhelmed by the past I pushed my present.

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And then, when that wasn’t enough, I wrapped my arms around her and we flew together.

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While we soared through the air, I sang her two songs. The first, I sang to her sister:

Baby you and I will fly up in the sky,
fly up in the sky where the world looks little.
Baby you and me, together can’t you see,
we’ll fly up in the sky where the world looks little.
We’re gonna be close to heaven above,
we’re gonna be warmed by the sunshine’s love.
Baby you and I will fly up in the sky,
fly up in the sky where the world looks little.

And the second is a song just for her:

Mommy and Annabel
fly in a pink seashell
out in the big wide open sky.
Up where the birdies play
we’ll sing and laugh all day
best friends forever you and I.

As we left, I let myself imagine, for a brief moment, what it would have been like if Madeline had been there. I would have pushed them both, Annie gently while Maddie yelled “higher mama higher!” And then I would have chased Maddie all over the playground, up ladders and down slides, until it was time to go home for dinner. I closed my eyes and imagined them both laughing.

It is a beautiful, heartbreaking sound.