Lately I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed. Heavy. I am anxious for so many things, and my heart is split into pieces. My fears and worries are great. I am so tired of being helpless and uncertain. I am so over of the unknown.

My mind is often on my second child and the changes she will bring. I worry that I’m going to be a different mom to her than I want to be. She’s a second child but she’ll get the attention of an only. I want to be the same mom to her that I was to Madeline, but I know that’s impossible. I never want her to feel cheated.

I’m so worried that the fear is going to take over. That I will never be able to let her out of my grasp. That I’ll be too scared to let her stumble and get the scrapes every kid needs. That I’ll never let her interact with other kids because they might have a cold that could get her sick. That a little cough could turn into something more.

I don’t know how I can be a good parent when I’m not sure I won’t constantly be terrified.

I know that I love her, so much. I want the best for her. I want to be the best mommy, the mommy she deserves. So I will try. I just don’t want to fail.