On June 26th two years ago, I went to a high risk obstetrician and was told that my pregnancy was progressing and that, while still risky, I might actually get a baby out of it. The next day I turned 28 and told everyone I was going to be a mom.

On June 26th one year ago, I had a fun birthday lunch with my coworkers. After eating, I bought Madeline presents. The next day I turned 29 and celebrated my birthday with my daughter.

On June 26th of this year, I don’t know what the day will bring. I know what it won’t bring. And then, the next day, I will turn 30.

Instead of replaying those last three hours of her life over and over in my mind, I am going to replay one of my favorite videos of my Maddie. The way I want to remember her, the way I want everyone to remember her – smart, happy, beautiful, and loving. Blowing me kisses and giggling at tickles.

I miss you Maddie.