On June 26th two years ago, I went to a high risk obstetrician and was told that my pregnancy was progressing and that, while still risky, I might actually get a baby out of it. The next day I turned 28 and told everyone I was going to be a mom.
On June 26th one year ago, I had a fun birthday lunch with my coworkers. After eating, I bought Madeline presents. The next day I turned 29 and celebrated my birthday with my daughter.
On June 26th of this year, I don’t know what the day will bring. I know what it won’t bring. And then, the next day, I will turn 30.
Instead of replaying those last three hours of her life over and over in my mind, I am going to replay one of my favorite videos of my Maddie. The way I want to remember her, the way I want everyone to remember her – smart, happy, beautiful, and loving. Blowing me kisses and giggling at tickles.
I miss you Maddie.
Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy says:
this is the sweetest video.
Christine says:
So smart!! and So freaking gorgeous. Thinking of you I love it when she put up her fists, she looked so tough yet so adorable.
Laurie says:
I love the “I don’t know” face.
*hugs*
Kristy says:
Happy Birthday Heather.
All i can send you are hugs today.
Seraphim says:
Watching her “fight” made me laugh out loud and Heather wherever sweet Maddie is, I am sure she is blowing you love. Wishing you a Happy Birthday even though I know it will probably be insanely hard. Lots of love from Perth Western Australia xxxx
Kylie says:
Thats the best video! OMG I love it!!! Happy Birthday too.
Kelly says:
Indescribably beautiful… For a while, you were the luckiest woman in the world!
I hope that you have a good birthday. She is still with you, and she would want you to be happy for your birthday.
Lots of love, hugs, peaceful thoughts. We will all be wearing purple for you and Maddie tomorrow.
dysfunctional mom says:
Sometimes, watching videos, it’s impossible to believe she’s really gone.
xoxo
MelissaG says:
She really was the sweetest thing…. I hope that, more and more, only the good memories will remain. Happy early birthday.
p.s. Can I just add? I can tell your family lived life to the fullest. Every picture/video I’ve seen everyone is smiling and/or laughing. What a wonderful (but too short) life Maddie had with you and your dh. You inspire me to have more fun, smiles and laughter w/ my own children.
damaris says:
I want to wish you a happy birthday but am unsure if it’s appropriate since I know it won’t be happy.
I do hope you have a somewhat peaceful day surrounded by people that love and understand you. Even though many of us have never met you in real life we love reading your blog and we’re glad you were born and are still with us
ZDub says:
Yes, have a peaceful day. Hugs to you, she’s so beautiful.
Noelle says:
Loved seeing these milestones and memories. When you feel the wind in your hair on Saturday, know that it’s Maddie blowing kisses from Heaven.
Chrisie Ward says:
Remember her that way. So will everyone else. Birthday Hugs.
Kim says:
Beautiful. Inside and out. Both of you, and Mike too. ((hugs))
CK says:
This video (and Maddie) are adorable.
Alicia says:
Such a sweet baby girl. You’re her momma forever and ever, lucky one. Happy birthday.
Childwoman says:
Happy Birthday Heather. I hope you do know that Maddie is wishing you as well and will always wish you on all your birthdays!
All my love,
Childwoman
Jenn says:
Good Morning Heather,
Thank you for the video. Maddie is as smart and beauitful as always. I know you miss Sweetheart, irconically, even though I have never met or got to hold or play with Maddie…..I miss her too.
Tomorrow is your birthday…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you and Kyle!!! Eyes wide open Heather…just like that brilliant burst of purple, I would not be surprised if Maddie sent you another little reminder she is ALWAYS right beside you.Look at it as a little birthday present of her own…MADDIE STYLE!!!!
Sending a BIG bear hug and a wish one day, the constant and relentless hurt you feel will subside…even if it’s just a little.
Many blessing from Canada!!!
Sincerely,
Your Stranger Friend,
Jenn
Kathryn says:
Hugs to you for your birthday.
Try not to concentrate on those last 3 hours. OK, I’m bad with math, but it looks like she had over 12,000 wonderful, happy filled hours with you & Mike. I’m sure that’s what Maddie would remember and think of.
Sending you love and peace from my heart to yours
.-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Fun at the Baltic Sea =-.
catherine lucas says:
She has such long elegant fingers. She fought hard allright, I love that she is trying to talk. I was thinking last night about “friday, yippee, a Maddie video issa coming”…
I am sure that you will be pleased that this birthday is over and gone with, birthdays are never happy when you are trying to cope with loss.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Same aunts, different places =-.
In Due Time says:
She is so smart! Look at that cutie pie.
Kim says:
I love the video. She is just so beautiful, and sweet, and smart.
We miss her too!
Many hugs to you! Happy Birthday to you and Kyle!
xoxo
Katrina says:
Look at that little sweetheart. Takes my breath away.
Beautiful video.
As someone said above, when you feel the wind in your hair, those are kisses from your Maddie.
She is with you, Heather. Just not in the way you want. But she is with you.
(((( hugs to you on your birthday )))
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Daddy Love =-.
pgoodness says:
I love these videos – this one has me laughing with tears in my eyes. I know your birthday probably can’t be happy, but I hope it is a peaceful, love-filled day. Certainly Maddie will give you a sign of her love tomorrow.
xoxo
.-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Not caring as much =-.
Maria says:
I do too.
Hugs and love to you, Heather. I feel so young and unsure so often. We’re the same age and I can’t believe how much you’ve gone through and the dignity and grace that you have.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Wistful Thinking (Talents) =-.
kristen says:
incredible video…i especially LOVE the “put em up” part! beauty and brains!
so, for the day before the birthday buildup, i don’t have anything super wise to say…but i know that on this year’s “day before” you are choosing to focus on the many gifts of blown kisses and giggles at tickles that maddie gave you. i hope thoughts and videos and pictures like these carry you through today, tomorrow, and every day. like so many who’ve already commented, i think maddie is with you always and i hope you feel that especially on your birthday.
xxoo
kristen
april in NJ says:
What a gorgeous, smart, and funny little girl! You can tell that she was just full of sunshine! As other posters said above, don’t remember the last 3 hours… remember all the hours before and find peace and solace in them. Turning 30 is always a milestone (wait till you’re 33!)… but even harder without your baby girl to be with you. But as others said, surround yourself with your family and Rigby! You’ll find the most comfort in them. Have a happy birthday tomorrow. love and hugs from NJ.
middle-aged-woman says:
I don’t believe in this stuff, but I swear I feel like you are going to get a sign from Maddie on your birthday.
Kristen McD says:
What a honey. The “put ’em up” made me giggle.
sam {temptingmama} says:
That’s one of my favourite videos too!
I love you guys.
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..I Just Want to be Heard =-.
Amy in OHio says:
I’m so jealous of Heaven right now!
xxoo Heather
charlane says:
I love that video too. It is strange that I miss your child who I have never met. I hope that your birthday will be better than you anticipate, hey at least it is a free pass to eat as much cake as you want.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Swimming with Cole and Keelyn =-.
Amber Mc says:
We’ll remember.
Happy Birthday Heather!
Midwest Mommy says:
I have to tell you how much she amazes me. My son who is about the same age as Maddie is in this video is no where near the language development sweet Maddie had. Seriously so smart!
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..WTF Moment =-.
kelly says:
I think God knew how long she had on this earth so he made her extra special and packed as much love into her as possible! She is very special!
My heart aches for you and your family! I love how you’re remembering her! xoxo
Bridget says:
I wish you could watch my kids watching Maddie. They have always loved video Fridays. The moment they hear her voice, they come running and as soon as it’s over: “Again, again!” She’s like a supah-star here. They’d rather watch Maddie than anything on Disney. They laugh with her, they imitate her, they are yet another person touched by Maddie’s beautiful charm.
Hugs to you on your birthday eve!
.-= Bridget´s last blog ..My son. =-.
Momma Uncensored says:
what a joyful lil’ lady..
i especially love the boxing stance.
such a happy girl.
.-= Momma Uncensored´s last blog ..unreal =-.
AmazingGreis says:
What a sweet video! She was so smart and so beautiful and is missed a LOT.
XOXO
Becky says:
I love you.
Heather says:
Happy Birthday Heather. I know that this isn’t what you wished for when you contemplated turning 30, and my heart breaks for you today like every other day. I hope you find some measure of happiness today.
I too turned 30 this week and you and Maddie were on my heart as I celebrated. Thank you for sharing her with us.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..When one door opens… =-.
Shannon Kieta says:
Happy Birthday to you-
Happy Birthday to you-
Happy Birthday dear Mommy-
Happy Birthday to you…
from Maddie in Heaven! She is singing to you today. just close yur eyes and you will get one of those kisses you so love to get from her. God Bless you ! Shannon
Deborah says:
I don’t have any sound here at work, but I could still hear Maddie’s laughter when watching that video. She is missed so much by so many people, even those of us who were not lucky enough to have known her.
Every day is harder for you than I could ever possibly imagine, but tomorrow might be even tougher. I hope you are able to find some level of peace on your birthday. You are loved.
Candice says:
She is wicked smaht and wicked beautiful. Happy Birthday Heather. I hope the days brings you something to smile about.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..Mamarazzi =-.
Kris says:
Wishing you peaceful birthday. I love this video, I watched it at least six times…
Thinking of you, Mike and Maddie.
xoxo
Lisa says:
I love that video, especially her “put ’em up” impression.
I hope you have a nice birthday tomorrow.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Treating Infant and Toddler Diarrhea =-.
KellyMc says:
Happy Birthday Heather, I hope this year brings you some joy and laughter. Maddie was undoubtedly one of the sweetest girls around!
.-= KellyMc´s last blog ..Excuses =-.
Terri says:
She’s blowing angel kisses now, I’ll pray you will feel them all day on your birthday. My kids couldn’t do those things at her age, smart sweet gorgeous little Maddie. You are missed and loved by those who never got the pleasure to meet you.
Isadora says:
Happy early birthday!!That video is adorable. Maddie was a fighter!!
Heather says:
Love watching Maddie put up her dukes to fight- what a sweet baby girl!
Happy Birthday, Heather- wishing you peace and healing this year.
Amy says:
What a dolly. She is so sweet. I am so sorry that this years birthday is filled with so much sadness. My heart aches for you. (((heather)))
Karen Sugarpants says:
Hugs to you Heather….xo
.-= Karen Sugarpants´s last blog ..Compassion =-.
MBKimmy says:
Love the video … love the “put em up”
Happy Birthday – I know it will be hard, and please know I will be praying for your strenght!
Charmed says:
Happy Birthday to you. My only wish to you is that God brings you and Mike some peace.
Christi
Katrina says:
Happy Birthday! Wish we drink some tequila together! I can not get over how very intelligent Maddie is in the video– she is way beyond her years– so sweet and so intelligent! You are a great mom– you taught her so much and really showed the good in life! I marvel at you and Mike. Your strength and kindness are truly astonishing! It seems like such small words but Thank you for sharing Maddie with us.
Amanda says:
Life can be so unfair.
I think about your little girl all the time, someone I have never even met, she has impacted me in so many ways. I feel so sad. She is truly special.
Megan says:
She is so cute and smart! Thank you for sharing these videos with us. It’s a wonderful gift to get to watch Maddie.
TJ says:
Sweetest video ever!
Happy Birthday.
Thinking of you often and keeping you in my prayers.
Trisha says:
What an amazing Mommy, What an amazing baby, What an amazing life you have shared with us. My birthday wish for you as you turn 30, is that you are visited in your dreams by your sweet Maddie. As always, I am praying for you and Mike everyday for your pain to ease in your hearts.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Ms. Moon says:
I know you can’t believe that your life goes on without that angel girl in your arms.
Please know how many people are out here, wishing you the best birthday you can have without her. She chose you and Mike to accompany her for the short journey she had on this earth. I do believe that. And your journey goes on. It does. Celebrate the fact that your life gave Maddie hers. It was way too short, but how less rich the world would have been without her.
.-= Ms. Moon´s last blog ..Okay, L7, Part II =-.
Badass Geek says:
I hope today will bring you something that makes you smile.
Courtney says:
She is absolutely beautiful, what an amazing video! God Bless!
Courtney in New York
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..Here we are again! =-.
Liz says:
Maddie is awesome. Just awesome. I also love the ‘put ’em up’ expression. The picture of Maddie on your Flickr page in the same pose (she’s wearing blue pjs) is the best shot of any baby ever, I think.
I love how animated you are with her. What a loving, stimulating environment for Maddie to grow and learn.
On your birthday, I hope you are surrounded by the same kind of love that you gave to Maddie every day. I have a feeling you have some family and friends around you that will make sure of that.
Thinking of you in Toronto,
Liz
Emily says:
Happy Birthday. I know it will be a tough day but what an AMAZING daughter you had. Just gorgeous and so so smart.
Michelle Pixie says:
Happy Birthday, Heather.
‘Put um up’ has got to be the cutest thing ever but then again ‘who did it’ is pretty darn cute too! It’s like looking into the sun when I see her…she is just so beautiful!
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..It’s Outta Here =-.
Libby says:
Happy Birthday . I hope you can get past the day with some moments of peace and that your future birthdays get better each year. I’m thinking of you..everyday….as usual. take care.
denise says:
Heather –
Thinking of you, Maddie and Mike. On your birthday, I know that the one thing you wish for the most can’t happen, but I do wish and hope for you to have a peaceful birthday.
I wish for you laughter and hugs. I also wish for dreams of Maddie for you and Mike.
I honestly don’t want to make you more sad, but I dreamt about Maddie last night and she was giggly, happy and sweet. (All the pictures and videos I’ve watched have imprinted on me.) Both you and Mike were there too, smiling huge smiles like I see in your pictures. I was helping her stand up, holding her hands and talking to her for a bit, then I picked her up and handed her to you and Mike.
It was a great dream.
I wish for that for you.
Big Hugs and Much Love to you!
Denise
Jennifer says:
I LOVE the “put ’em up”!! Wow–such a smart baby!!
I hope to manage to have a nice birthday tomorrow–I know it will be hard, but please try to have some fun!!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Wishing You… =-.
Susan says:
One word on the video – BEAUTIFUL. I like some of the comments above – peace on your birthday – good memories all day – and the best, wind in your hair is beautiful Maddie blowing you kisses.
Sally says:
I’m going to turn 30 without my baby girl come September. Who knew life was so cruel? I wish she was here helping you blow out the candles.
xo
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Honesty =-.
nic @mybottlesup says:
“maddie… who did it?”
she did. she made you smile. she will still make you smile.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..under where? =-.
Cat says:
Good Morning Heather and Mike:
I have been reading your blog for the past few weeks and have found your life completely wonderful and sad all in one blog. I have seen this beautiful baby who was loved so much taken from you and I can relate to your story.
On march 25, 2009 my beautiful grand daughter Janelle Ashlyn Patterson was born into a very loving family who was trying to have a child for 3 years and god blessed us with her. She was loved and spoiled and also loved cuddling.
Last Monday on June 15th, 2009 I finished reading your last post and went home from my office, knowing I would have Janelle that Monday night I took Tues. 16th and Wed the 17th off from work. Monday night and Tues morning was perfect, she was her angel self and perfect. Tuesday Ashley my Daughter picked up Janelle and told me that her 1st Professional Pictures where being taken on Wed. 17th and would i like to go shopping with them to buy outfits and hats. I of course jumped at this and away we went.
The next morning on June 17th at 10:50am my dauther went into the baby’s nursery to check on Janelle who was taking her morning nap and she had stopped breathing, she had not yet started turning blue, but had stopped breathing. My dauther started CPR and called 911.
I received a call from my daughter’s Husband who was screaming that the Baby had stopped breathing and they were following the ambulance to the hospital. I arrived as the ambulance and my daughter was running into the hospital. They pronounced her D.O.A. and the worst from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). My world has stopped, my heart will never heal.
To see my Baby-Girl holding her (passed away) Baby-Girl and crying asking me (why Mommy? Why?) is something no Parent or Grand-parent should ever see or feel. I’m angry, I’m depressed and I’m scared for my Daughter and Son-inlaw. They are in shock. My daugther keeps saying she feels like her days have “No Purpose” “her days revolved around Janelle and her needs”. I don’t know what to say to her and I try to be strong, but I don’t want to breath because the pain is so severe, but I will try for her and my son-inlaw and my husband who is just as devastated.
Thank you for your writings, they have been a help to all of us. Your a light to us in our storm and we thank and pray for you and yours.
.-= Cat´s last blog ..The Worst Day of MY LIFE! =-.
Kelly says:
I’m so very, very sorry =((
I will never understand why these things happen.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..The other babies… =-.
Susan says:
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Jennifer says:
Cat,
I am so very deeply sorry for your loss.
Hugs,
Jenn in CA
Gayathri says:
Cat,
Im so so sorry to read about this. In our thoughts and prayers
gayathri
Regina says:
Cat
I’m so sorry for the loss in your family, I too have lost a grandson, but 4 months before he was to be born, We cradled his tiny 1lb.1oz.body the healing is never complete. The hardest part was seeing my daughters car behind the hearse on the way to the cemetary. I pray every day that another family dosen’t have to go through that pain. I pray for your healing
Trish says:
That’s an amazingly sweet video. It’s a good way to remember her. Such a sweetheart.
I’m hoping you find a way to have a good birthday. I know it’s going to be hard, though. Thinking of you guys.
.-= Trish´s last blog ..At least he knows what’s most important =-.
Lindsey says:
Happy Early Birthday! I will be thinking of you, and wishing peace for you.
.-= Lindsey´s last blog ..A Wedding, In Pieces =-.
Michele says:
I, too, will be thinking of you tomorrow and am wishing you and your brother a happy 30th birthday. You said it best yourself – try to reflect on all of the happiness and joy Maddie brought to you. Though I imagine it will be hard to celebrate, make sure to eat a cream puff for Maddie tomorrow! You are doing an incredible job as her Mommy, you’re sharing her life with us and we are better people because of that. I wish you peace this upcoming year.
~ Michele in Staten Island, NY
Alexandra says:
That little girl is just astonishingly beautiful, and so easy to fall in love with.
You poor girl, Heather: your heart didn’t stand a chance.
Debby says:
A very precious video, a very precious girl.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD =-.
Nolita says:
Happy Birthday! I pray that it’s a great day for you and your husband!
Jennifer says:
Love that video, Heather. Maddie continues to bring so much joy with her stunning beauty and lovely spirit.
I hope the happy memories of Maddie will bring a few smiles on your birthday – your special day. You are an amazing mother…and a great reminder to all of us to celebrate the moments.
Thinking of you…
Jennifer
Kristabella says:
Happy birthday Heather!
.-= Kristabella´s last blog ..N to the Izzo, L to the Izza =-.
Heather says:
I hope you will find comfort in knowing that it is obvious Maddie was one of the most loved babies on the face of the earth. My heart goes out to you.
melissa says:
Maddie’s glowing smile is priceless. Sounds like she was saying “thank you”
Thank you Heather for sharing
Thank you Maddie for sharing your smile, which will be forever in our hearts
Lady Lemon says:
Happy Birthday, Heather. I hope you find something that makes you happy tomorrow.
.-= Lady Lemon´s last blog ..Father’s Day =-.
Rachel says:
She is adorable! I love seeing videos of her… sorry sorry for your loss.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Oh, Heather. I’ll be thinking of you on your birthday. I wish Maddie could give you a big happy birthday kiss.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Is this carpet a good washcloth? =-.
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
I love that video of Maddie. Well, honestly I love all the videos of Maddie. I added some more purple to my wardrobe yesterday in honor of your girl. I never really like purple much before Maddie. She has made me see the beauty in it. So many happy thoughts for you on your 30th birthday tomorrow. I know your biggest wish won’t come true, but I am sure that Maddie is watching over you. Laughing & smiling for your big day. xoxo
Kim says:
Hugs to you on your Birthday! Loved the video of your precious Maddie!
erin says:
that video was adorable! she was wicked smaht!
have a happy birthday heather.
Christine says:
Happy Birthday a day early.
Maddie was as smart as she was beautiful. Every day my heart breaks for you and Mike.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Funny Today. =-.
Erin says:
Happy Early Birthday Heather….my heart is with you. What a beautiful…amazing..smart girl Maddie was. Those are the moments i LOVE watching of her!
Hannah says:
That video is absolutely precious! I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of yourbeautiful girl. I came to your blog from Matt’s and have been following it ever since. I wish you a better day tomorrow on your birthday
anymommy says:
Blown baby kisses, the best kind. Love to you as always and tons of birthday wishes.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..Bloggity Boppity Boo =-.
Nikki says:
I come here every day to read something new about Maddie. I never met her (landed here via Matt’s blog) but it’s been a (bittersweet) joy to learn about your beautiful baby girl. I have a daughter who was born around the same time, and just want to let you know that your posts inspire me to appreciate her even more, to shower her with love and remember that life is precious. I’m sorry she won’t be here to celebrate your birthday with you.
amanda says:
So adorable – I can’t handle the cute!
I do wish you a happy birthday Heather – and my wish for you is some peace.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..Eight Minus Jon & Kate =-.
Cat says:
I miss her too, impossible having never known her, and yet so true. I hope your birthday is fiilled with memories, happy ones, of your beautiful daughter.
mandy says:
Hope you have a very happy birthday!
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
I’m so sorry you’re spending your birthday without Madeline there to celebrate with you. It’s hard to say, “Happy Birthday” knowing it’s next to impossible for you to be happy right now.
Maybe two dozen chocolate chip oatmeal cookies will arrive at your doorstep today, or possibly tomorrow, and will (hopefully) not be too crushed or melted to taste good.
Enjoy your birthday as best you can – whatever form that takes!
Love you, girl.
.-= Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last blog ..Mid-Night Musings =-.
Jennifer says:
Heather, I want to say “have a happy birthday” but I know it will be filled with much sorrow. I am so sorry that Maddie is not here to celebrate your day with you.
She was freakin adorable! And as a mother, we always think that OUR babies are the cutest, but I have to say….she takes the cake!! It is everything about her that draws so many *strangers* to her. Her adorable personality, her exquisite eyes and that smile…forget about it!! She was amazing!
I didn’t know her, but God how I miss her.
Much love to you tomorrow on your b-day.
Hugs, Jenn in CA
Procrastamom says:
She was so, so beautiful Heather. Sending you birthday wishes.
cindy w says:
I’m sorry you can’t get the one thing you want for your birthday. Generally I’d say that 30 is a big milestone & should be celebrated, but I think I understand why you’d want to lay low and not really acknowledge it.
But happy birthday to you (and your brother!) tomorrow. Love you. xoxo
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..random stuff that is probably not nearly as funny to anyone else =-.
Tia says:
The kids and I drove into a nearby town the other day and I noticed right away all of the purple ribbons tied around every pole. I immediatly thought of Maddie. I then started telling my 11 and 9 yr olds the story of a little girl Maddie that over the past 3 months I have fallen in love with. I think about you guys so much but I never felt like it was something that the kids needed to hear. I choked up telling them about her and much to my surprise so did they. I will share this video with them today. They will LOVE it! Much love to you on your birthday Heather. I wish I could grant you just one wish.
Glenda says:
Happy Birthday Heather! Loved the video! Thanks for sharing Maddie with all of us! She was so gorgeous and amazingly smart! Hope you find some peace and comfort! Sending you hugs! XO
gorillabuns says:
Happy Birthday Heather. I’m sure our children will be singing to you on your day. At the very least, smiling and blowing kisses to you.
I so wish I could be with you on this day. I’d totally bring all my ARSENAL to get through it.
.-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..all aboard the choo-choo train. all aboard, all aboard, choo-choo! =-.
Tina Hosko says:
Just watching that short video of Maddie has filled me with so much emotion, she reaches the deepest part of my soul. I can’t imagine a more beautiful, bright, funny and loving baby. What a treasure.
Erin says:
We miss her too. Hope your birthday is as happy as it can be. Think of her throughout it, because she is sharing it with you, even if she can’t be in your arms. Sending hugs.
Issa says:
Happy birthday tomorrow Heather. Sending tons of hugs your way.
Love that video.
moosh in indy. says:
i miss her too.
.-= moosh in indy.´s last blog ..so! what’s next? =-.
Angie says:
You share the same birthday as my daughter Tort she will be 13.God Bless you on your Birthday and special kisses goes to Maddy.
Tina says:
So cute. So beautiful. I am so sorry she is not with you on your birthday (and every day)
Dixie says:
Thinking of you on your birthday!
Christiana says:
Sending you good wishes on your birthday. May the day be one of peace and pleasant memories.
I loved her expressions in this video. And her hands were so long and slender… such graceful little fingers! She is such a light.
Meredith says:
I wish you could get what you want for your birthday. She was a beautiful girl. Thinking of you.
Meg says:
What a beautiful child! I just love her!
Wish you would get what you most want for your birthday. Try to enjoy your day.
Krystle says:
Happy Birthday Heather. I hope that somehow you can enjoy your day and at least smile a little. I know Maddie is with you on your special day.
Enjoy your day as much as you can with Mike.
Lots of love and hugs!
Yolanda says:
Heather –
Good afternoon. I am sending you hugs and kisses for your birthday. Take care.
Yolanda
Krissa says:
Simply adorable. .. Sending you good thoughts and wishes for your birthday. (((Hugs)))
Audrey says:
What an adorable video. She is a doll. I love her beautiful blue eyes. My 4 year old was watching it with me and said, “Mom, she’s a cute baby.”
Wishing you a happy birthday…as happy as a birthday can be when your heart and soul isn’t by your side. I’m so, so sorry Maddie can’t share your 30th birthday with you.
Hugs.
Melinda says:
Happy birthday sounds so hollow. I’m thinking of you, your family, and your beautiful daughter. Best wishes for a peaceful day.
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says:
What a doll.
She was just a GEM.
Hugs and happy early birthday to you…
.-= Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last blog ..There’s a reason we have two… =-.
Tami says:
Happy Birthday Heather..
I miss maddie to.
She had the cutest smile and when she laughed it would make me laugh right along with her.
Hugs,
Katie says:
I will never get tired of seeing that gorgeous face. She is so incredibly precious. Happy Birthday – because you were born, you were able to give her life and I know must you feel so empty and that your purpose is gone, but your purpose was and always will be to give that angel life – and you did. I know she is with you, Heather. I pray that your pain will be eased.
tara says:
she’s beautiful and perfect and that is how i will remember her. i think of maddie every day, heather, just as i think of you and mike. so many hugs to you.
Emese says:
Maddie,
I, who has never had to pleasure of holding you, I miss you too. I have a hard time catching my breath after watching one of your videos, I can’t even imagine how your mom & dad feel. I know your mom & dad miss you more then words can explain.
I had to let you know I love hearing your laughs, I always laugh right along with you, (even if I look like a idiot laughing at a computer screen at work… :)) I will continue to read your parents’ blogs as long as they keep writing. I love reading about their memories with you.
xoxo
Heather,
I wish for you, a peaceful birthday, I know Maddie will be looking down on you and blowing you lots of kisses!
~lots of hugs from me
Maria Delgado says:
so beautiful.
Lindsay from Florida says:
We ALL remember her as smart, beautiful, and OH-so-happy: if that brings any solace at all, then cling to it, because it is so true. She was (is) a treasure.
Happy 30th, Heather.
Megan says:
Heather,
I stumbled upon your blog sometime randomly last month and I have been lurking ever since. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. I saw the “Daughter in the Water” video for Maddie and I must say that I teared up. Maddie is the most precious girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.
I felt compelled to comment today because we happen to share a birthday! I’ll be wishing for you as I blow out my candles tomorrow.
All the best,
Megan
Molly says:
What a perfect little girl. Happy birthday, Heather. Hope the day brought something good afterall.
Molly says:
Oops–meant happy birthday tomorrow. But hope today brought something good and unexpected too
adena says:
We have the same birthday. I wish you a little peace tomorrow, in spite of it all.
Susan from PA says:
Heather,
I only know what it feels like to celebrate a birthday without a dad, not a child. Yes, it sucks, but celebrate that you have survived thus far, Every day that you wake up nd keep going, you have made progress that Maddie would be proud of. Heaven may be great, but she is missing you too. Happy birthday to you.
Susan from PA
Patty says:
Such a sweet, beautiful and smart girl! I wish this would be a Birthday spent with your Maddie, and I know it may sound, I don’t know, (insensitive?) But I do wish you a Happy Birthday, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Heather, You and Mike deserve happy times to come. They will, someday. Just keep remembering your precious baby and all of the happy times you had with her. She really is an angel!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..Sunny days! =-.
Alison says:
Birthday hugs to you!
I miss Maddie too, and I only internet knew her. How much you and Mike and your families miss her… I cannot even fathom.
xoxo
PS: I have some purple fabric and thread calling my name, and I am unable to answer right now due to one bum hand. I will start ASAP.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..In Honor of Finals Week… =-.
Ann says:
thinking of you on the eve of your birthday… I absolutely loved that adoring look in Maddie’s eyes — you were so loved by her, Heather. Your videos show that bond between you so clearly. It’s very beautiful.
Therese says:
I just put Happy birthday in Twitter like 3 times and then backspaced all three of them, what are the right words to say, can I say Happy Birthday, does that even make sense. I don’t know, one think I do know is that I hope Maddie comes and visits you in your dreams tonight, I hope she comes and sees you and blows you kisses for your birthday.
.-= Therese´s last blog ..Don’t care for Posting the same thing twice, but… =-.
Mia says:
My favorite video of Maddie! Happy Birthday!
Heidi says:
Totally delish! And that little voice!
Brittney says:
Great video. I love watching the videos of Maddie – it always gives me ideas of things to teach my own daughter. She has become quite good at “wow,” and everytime she says it, I think of you and your Maddie Moo. I think next I will have to teach her to put up her dukes (hilarious!), and I’m sure that each time she does it, I will be reminded of your family. It breaks my heart that your Maddie is gone, and that you won’t get to teach her new things. Instead, you are teaching all of us about what it means to love and be a great parent.
Thank you for sharing your story.
PS My daughter has a doll that laughs when you squeeze it’s tummy, and for some reason, the laugh reminds me of Maddie.
Marti from Michigan says:
What an adorable video! Maddie was your gift for however long she was here. I wish you purple butterflies, stars in the sky, a nice warm not too hot day. I wish you peace. I wish you a good birthday this year.
Please know that everytime you see or encounter purple in some way, it is Maddie communicating with you. You and Mike will see Maddie again some day when your lives on this earth are over, and it will only seem like moments since you last saw her.
I ask that God in His kindness, will shower blessings upon blessings to the Spohr family.
Mary C says:
Heather I wish you a happy birthday! I am sending you lots of hugs with love.
Jessi says:
I am sending you strength, confidence, comfort and love for your birthday! There is a little angel dancing on the clouds to celebrate with you!
sending all my love your way!
.-= Jessi´s last blog ..Nikon or Canon? =-.
Amanda says:
Thinking of you this morning on your birthday.
I hope today brings a Maddie filled surprise to you that will take your breathe away and make you smile. **fingers crossed**
Mindy says:
Heaven is so lucky.
Happy 30th Birthday, Heather.
Adventures In Babywearing says:
I read this the other day and wasn’t able to comment until now. So beautiful. And I hope today you can find some sweet joy in your birthday, a new year, decade, with only surprises and no more sorrows along the way.
Love,
Stephanie
Susan says:
Have a happy birthday Heather.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..Can’t Stop Till You Get Enough =-.
Amy says:
Happy Birthday, Heather. Maddie is so beautiful!
Keep It Classy Jen says:
Happy Birthday!
You are right she is VERY smart and absolutely beautiful!
Regina says:
Happy Birthday Heather,
Thoughts and prayers always! Your Angel watches over you with smiles
TracyinMD says:
Happy Birthday Heather! I hope you are able to find some peace today.
Amy says:
Happy Birthday Heather.
Debbie B says:
Happy 30th Heather!
Erica says:
Dear Heather,
Thinking of you even more than usual on your Birthday. Happy Birthday to you my stranger friend. I hope you have a peaceful day with your precious memories of the gorgeous Maddie giggling and blowing her Mama kisses. What a little star. My heart continues to ache at her loss and I still shed tears for her every day. Her spirit really is everywhere though, Heather. I’m on holiday in Cornwall in England with my family and every day so far we have seen purple flowers reminding us of you and your precious Maddie. Today is the first day in a while I have managed to read your blog but I have been thinking of you and your precious Maddie every day. I’ve taken lots of photos of the beautiful purple flowers we have seen in every place we have visited. Maddie really is all around us. My daughter and I are wearing purple today and sending you all our very best wishes.
With love
your stranger friend, Erica from Luxembourg (currently on holiday in England)
MelissaG says:
I wish you a birthday filled with the love of your family and the precious love of your daughter in your heart…
Manic Mommy says:
Ohhhh. I’m sad for you today. Sending you love and warm thoughts. She was a beautiful little girl.
.-= Manic Mommy´s last blog ..FRee BooKS: THe DiVoRCe PaRTY, THe oPPoSiTe oF LoVe, aND MoRe! =-.
Ari says:
What a lovely way to remember her… love the giggles. Hope you have a happy birthday.
.-= Ari´s last blog ..Saying goodbye to San Antonio… =-.
Kelly says:
Happy Birthday Heather, Maddie is always a pleasure to watch. Such a beautiful girl.
Thinking of you guys….
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Dear Lois, =-.
Jess says:
Thinking of you today, Happy Birthday!!!
Cam says:
Happy birthday, Heather. May this day bring some peace and warmth to you.
Applesauce says:
Happy Birthday Heather! I’m thinking of you today and praying that you find a moments peace.
Karin says:
I love that you have a video of this. I especially love, “put ’em up”…. That is too cute.
I need to make a video of my kids.
In honor of Maddie.
God Bless you,
.-= Karin´s last blog ..Crumbs now delivers cupcakes to 48 states! =-.
amy says:
My daughters watched this clip with me last night. Giggling and getting teary eyed by the adorable Maddie.
One of them noticed the fundraiser button with Maddie’s picture and asked why. Then I had to tell them. More tears
Maddie has really touched a heck of a lot of lives. I hope someday that brings you some comfort. She, and her memory will live on.
Hoping you are surviving your birthday however you decided best.
Hugs.
Amy D says:
Heather,
I have been heartbroken for you and Mike sense Maddie passed away. Your little angel inspired me to march in her honor for the MOD in my home town.
My fist child (born 10 wks premature) celebrated his first birthday today…the same as yours.
I thought about you often today, and hoped you were not sad. I pray often that peace finds you and Mike. I wish desparately I could take away your pain. Much love and support to you and your family.
Amy
.-= Amy D´s last blog ..Jackers Is This Many (1)…. =-.
Claire says:
Happy Birthday, fellow June baby (mine’s the 30th). I hope you made it through your birthday okay. I know Maddie was celebrating with you.
haitian-american family of three says:
I am a stranger, but have been very moved by your words. It is incredibly painful to read the stories you tell and I can only imagine the agony you are going through. I want to tell you that I believe you are amazingly brave and strong and to keep writing, your family story is one that must be told. As always Maddie is lovely in the video. Take care, warm thoughts from Seattle.
.-= haitian-american family of three´s last blog ..only my sister can go to Hawaii and end up on the news. =-.
Alexandra :) says:
Happy birthday, Heather. Thinking of you…
NJ says:
I love showing my 2 year old these movies. She thinks your daughter is really funny and very cute.
Get through each day as best you can. And keep the videos coming. We love your Maddie too, even though we don’t know her.
Much love from Sydney, Australia.
xo NJ
.-= NJ´s last blog ..Grrr … Nicholas Atgemis on the ‘ideal wife’ =-.
Sympathetic says:
Happy Birthday Heather. Check out the nieniedialogues blog. It was Stephanie’s birthday yesterday too and she is going through her own set of stuff.
Al_Pal says:
Darling. What a brilliant little light. She totally shines on. ;p
*hugs* to you & Mike.
Jodee says:
Precious baby!!! luv & ((hugs)))
.-= Jodee´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Haley-O says:
I hope your birthday was filled with such beautiful memories of beautiful Maddie. I’m sure she was with you, blowing those sweet “I love you kisses” all day from above….Wishing you blissful 30s ((hugs)).
.-= Haley-O´s last blog ..“They’re Real…, and They’re Fabulous”: The Story of Cheaty’s Bewbs =-.
Christa says:
Thank you for sharing her with us
.-= Christa´s last blog ..Cold & Wet =-.
Just Jiff says:
What a brilliant little girl! Seriously, she blew me away with her telling how old she was!!
So precious. Heaven is a much happier place with that precious girl there.
.-= Just Jiff´s last blog ..More Steps! =-.
Lynnette Kraft says:
Maddie is beautiful and your story just breaks my heart.
Today is the first day I’m visiting your blog. I’ve also lost children – two baby boys and a daughter. Anna was 6 years old when she died. I know how badly it hurts and my heart goes to you.
Tenderly,
Lynnette
.-= Lynnette Kraft´s last blog ..Let God Lift You Out of Your Pit =-.