When Mike and I were trying to get pregnant with Madeline, I used to fantasize about how I would tell him we’d succeeded. MANY a cheesy idea floated in my mind, but the day I got the two pink lines I was too excited to do anything except thrust the stick in his face.
We were a little more creative when we told other people. We gave my parents bibs that said, “I Love Grandpa” and “I Love Grandma.” I saved my biggest burst of creative energy for my brother. I labored over a homemade shirt for him, spending far too much time picking a color, lining up the letters JUST RIGHT, and carefully ironing the words on so there was NO WAY they’d peel off. And then, when the shirt was done, I realized that I’d permanently put on his shirt:
I blamed the pregnancy brain, and also Mike, who’d looked at the shirt before I started ironing. I’m normally such a GOOD speller.
This time around, I knew exactly how I wanted to tell everyone that we were expecting again. I picked it out way in advance so it would be ready when I got two new pink lines. I was going to put Maddie in it, and then wait for Mike/my family/my friends to notice. Of course I was going to let Maddie announce the news – after all, this little baby was going to be HER best friend.
I planned to take a picture of her in it to post here on the blog. I couldn’t wait for the day. I never imagined this was the closest I’d get to Maddie posing with her Big Sister shirt.
We leave it there in front of her urn. I know she would be so excited right now. She LOVED babies. Her first sentence was, “Hi baby!” I know if I said to her, “Where is mommy’s baby?” she undoubtedly would point to my stomach. She probably would have even given my belly one of her famous open-mouthed kisses.
She is going to be the best big sister. It’s just not at all how we wanted.
Patty says:
No, it’s not the way you planned, but it will still be wonderfull and she will always be around! Much love, Patty
.-= Patty´s last blog ..A brighter day =-.
Mary Ann says:
Congratulations! I am so sorry that it isn’t the way you dreamed, but I know Maddie is grinning that adorable grin from ear to ear, and beaming with pride, watching over you. You are amazing parents. I am so happy for you. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Kimberly says:
Oh Heather..
What a beautiful shirt!
I’m sure Maddie is just as excited as you and Mike about Binky.
Maddie is watching over you, Mike, and even Binky.
She is proud of all of you!!
.-= Kimberly´s last blog ..MckLinky Weekly Blog Hop #3 – Favorite Recipes =-.
Jewels says:
Lots of love to you and your family.
.-= Jewels´s last blog ..Sleeping Beauty =-.
Debbie in Memphis says:
I’m so happy for you and so heartbroken at the same time. Maddie will be an awesome big sister. Binky is blessed to have such a wonderful family.
Adriennevh says:
hugs to you.
At least everything is spelled correctly on this one.
Coloradolady says:
Hugs Heather. I wish I was there to give you a hug.
.-= Coloradolady´s last blog ..Blue Monday : Thrifted Nightstand Makeover =-.
AJSouthern says:
Not what you planned- but that gorgeous baby will be the best sister. Bawling again. I can’t see to type anything else. Prayers & hugs…
.-= AJSouthern´s last blog ..the hiatus =-.
anna says:
Heather,
This post just breaks my heart into pieces.
I really don´t know what to tell you, and I know, they are no words to give you comfort.
I really only want to tell you that even though we don´t know each other, Trust me, I REALLY , REALLY admire you and Mike.
You are such great parents, and you have lots of love to give, that´s why I think Maddie send you a little one who will receive all that love you have to give.
Maddie is the prettiest and most wonderful big sister ever, and I am sure , she has a shirt just like this one in heaven, showing it to everyone. I know Maddie is a proud big sister!!
Insta-Mom says:
You’re right…she will be an amazing big sister.
.-= Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Grace =-.
Keonte' says:
I have never found a blog that has more ‘soul’ than this one. Each time I visit, I leave with an amazing feeling. I can’t figure out how we, the readers, have been blessed to share in your joys and pains dealing with Maddie. I have found myself looking at your posts and selfishly wanting more. Then, I think about all that you and Mike have given us, and remind myself that this is not just a blog, but it is indeed your life.
Maddie is going to be the best big sister. Her new sibling will have an angel constantly watching over them to offer protection and guidance.
I pray for a healthy pregnancy for you and Mike.
.-= Keonte’´s last blog ..SlimPerfect Giveaway Winner =-.
Emese says:
You described everything I feel about Heathers’ blog so well – all I can say is… ditto
.-= Emese´s last blog ..Missing Maddie =-.
tonya says:
Beautiful articulation, Keonte’! This blog does have more soul than any I’ve ever read.
Heather, I have thought of you and Mike a hundred times since reading yesterday’s post. This may sound hokey, but I really believe that Maddie already is the best big sister. She and Baby Binky are together right now, and Maddie is telling him/her just how wonderful life will be.
On a side note, I laughed out loud at UNLCE KYLE. I do crap like that all of the time. Just the other day, I was framing a set of pictures in a collage frame. I got them all placed perfectly, taped them to the mat, put the back of the frame back on, flipped the frame over to look at my work, and, of course, the pics were all upside down.
Praying for you. Always.
Jolene says:
I agree with everything you said in your comment. You described Heather’s blog perfectly. Ditto on everything you said.
Maria @BOREDmommy says:
We don’t know each other, but I read every post, and watch every video of your beautiful baby girl. My heart breaks for you. I have a little girl, so I can understand the depth of your love for her, but cannot imagine your heartache. I am beyond thrilled for you and your husband with your announcement that you are expecting. I truly wish you all the best.
I also wanted to let you know that both my children will come running for the computer whenever they hear one of your videos come on. They call Maddie the pretty compooter baby, and ask to watch her again and again.
.-= Maria @BOREDmommy´s last blog ..Old Lady Birthday Wish List =-.
Aurelia says:
I went to my son’s grave and told him when I got pregnant….I thought I was weird, but I just had to go.
Guess we’re all pretty damn normal, eh?
(I like the Maddie shirt, but I kinda like the first shirt too, btw, Unlce is just my style. heh)
.-= Aurelia´s last blog ..don’t even know what to write =-.
dysfunctional mom says:
I think she will be watching over her baby brother/sister.
.-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up 7.20.09 =-.
Seraphim says:
No, no it isn’t. I looked closely at the tshirt and the beautiful place where your precious Maddie is and it isn’t what you would have chosen. I’m so sorry.
Maddie is the reason I have chosen a purple t’shirt for a funrun I’m doing and believe me, Maddie’s name will be emblazoned there for all to see.
Maddie’s name will always be on peoples lips and Binky will know and love her too.
Pinkie swear. xxx
.-= Seraphim´s last blog ..The end in friendship =-.
Kate in NZ says:
That shirt is absolutely gorgeous. I’m sure Maddie loves it to pieces and is saying “Wow!” right now. She would have been so proud wearing it, too. It’s a lovely space you have made for her there, and her t-shirt looks just right beside her urn like that.
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..What did you do in the holidays? =-.
A N N A says:
Heather, putting Maddie in that tee-shirt would’ve been the sweetest way to announce such joyful news (the only way to top it would have been for her to point at your stomach in the presence of friends and family and chirp, “Hi, Baby!”).
Again, I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the undoing of your best-laid plans. xo
.-= A N N A´s last blog ..In Memory of Magnificent Madeline =-.
Cinthia says:
It’s not at all what anyone would have wanted for you. But, at least Maddie will keep an eye on her new sibling 24/7.
Maddie would have rocked that shirt so hard.
Lauren says:
You are right in that it isn’t the way you’d planned it. You’re also right in planning to get all the joy and beauty and hope out of what it is. It’s a blessing to watch your family grow.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Sometimes you just Know. =-.
Hawkfeather says:
Many Blessings Sphor Family-
You deserve wonderful news- and something to bring some joy into your world.
Maddie will be a wonderful big sister- she always has been I believe-
Because of her a sibling can be welcomed into a home filled with untouchable love- to parents who know the depth in which a child should be cherished.
Amy K says:
Congratulations on Binky! I know this isn’t how you planned things, and no one could ever take Maddie’s place in your heart or make you miss her any less, but I’m so glad you’ll have another baby in your life to bring joy again.
catherine lucas says:
Life has the tendency to throw our plans in the dust bin…
I felt so happy yesterday, the whole day, as I was thinking about you being pregnant again. This baby will be waited on by a LOT of people… me included. Too bad we have to wait 9 months for a baby… I so hope that this time around all goes well, and I am sure that Madeline will be a little angel on the new baby’s shoulder.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Color snippets in Edinburgh =-.
MelissaG says:
That shirt is so bitter-sweet. I cannot grasp it all…what a roller coaster of emotions..the hormones on top of grief, I can’t imagine. I look up to you for the strength that you have already had. I have been thinking about you a lot today, I continue to hope for many good things to come for you.
Maddie would have loved wearing that shirt and she WILL be a great big sister…her memory and legacy will be a blessing to her new baby sister or brother…for their whole life.
tiff says:
Another one who made her way to her son’s grave the day I found out that he was going to be a big brother.
I talk about William with Ivy and Noah. I tell them all about their big brother and how, when he was a baby he looked just like them.
It’s so bittersweet but good to keep the memory alive, you know.
I know Maddie’s death is still so raw and your feelings must be all over the place, happiness, sadness, confusion, fear, anger, overwhelming grief. Life and death all mixed into one.
I held onto the thought that Will sent Ivy and Noah to me, to help heal, at least, some of my broken heart.
I imagined he would have been the best big brother.
I’m imagining Maddie would’ve been a wonderful big sister.
.-= tiff´s last blog ..Irreplacable loss. =-.
Andrea says:
Heather, Mike – I have been following your blog ever since Matt Logelin talked about you and your family’s fate on his blog… being a mother of daughter who is the same age as Maddie, I have been crying whole rivers over reading your story. I am thinking of you and Maddie almost every day! Strange, seeing as I don’t even know you… your beautiful Maddie’s touch reaches far, even to my little corner of the world.
Today I was crying again – tears of joy when I read about precious little Binky! We are currently trying to conceive ourselves – and I am a bit jealous. Anyway… my thoughts are with you and Mike, and I wish you a pregnancy without any complications and trouble! I am very excited to read what’s to come, and I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart! Maddie would have been the cutest big sister with her shirt!
Andi.
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Excuse the Mess… =-.
Amy says:
I wanted to write to you today to wish you all the best with your pregnancy. I think of your family often. I lost my son Noah after 6 days of life. I can understand the grief that you feel. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I am very touched by your story. I read what happened to your husband and tears just ran down my face. My husband was also taken to the ER after having a panic attack about a month after our twin boys (Sam and Noah) were born. They came early at 25 weeks. Sam is now a thriving 3 year old and so is his younger full term brother Frank (6 months). I bought a license plate frame the other day which reads, “Proud to be Sam and Frank’s mommy.” I wanted to let you know that the color of the background is purple. I picked that color because it is also one of Sam’s favorite colors. I also picked it in honor of your Maddie :).
Jamie in the WA says:
Congratulations, Heather & Mike & Maddie!! I feel for your bittersweet joy with Binky coming. Until I had my 2nd baby, I had no idea how I could possibly have room in my heart to love another baby as much as I loved my first—but it truly is a miracle. You will find you love both babies more than before! Your heart just grows and grows, and both babies fill it beyond it’s borders without crowding the other baby out. I hope the same blessing and miracle for your hearts, too. Maddie will be the sweetest best big sister for Binky–with lots of love for the new baby! I am so glad you are being cared for by your great doctors, too. We all love to have those we love be well taken care of and watched properly! Much love and hugs to you!!
Tam King says:
oh gosh.
How comlicated, and exciting and terrifying and sad and happy you must be finding this to be!(As a person who has had 4 miscarraiges in 4 years and is currently 6 weeks into her 6th pregnancy – i can relate to the fear!)
I pray, deeply and wholly, that you get your precious miracle baby, and that she or he knows, through all your friends and family of her amazing and very much loved and cherished big sister.
Love to your family xo
.-= Tam King´s last blog ..The same, but different. =-.
bettina says:
I know that this blog is only compartmentalized snippets of your life, and even so, I am amazed at how much you are able to share and even more amazed at how much you have been able to endure. I hope that you are holding on to the happy emotions and are able to power through the simultanious grief. You are truly an amazing person, and both Binky and Maddie are lucky to have you as thier mother. I am sorry that Maddie won’t be ablel to strut her stuff in the T-shirt, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that she will be the big sister. Best wishes for an easy pregnacy!
Noelle says:
Hugs.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..Did you mean kama sutra? =-.
Sheila says:
I was at the picnic with Matt Logelin back in February, and although I didn’t meet you guys, I vividly remember a blanket full of adorable, playful, cheerful little babies, one of them being Maddie.
Since I’ve been following your blog, I feel like I’ve come to know you all and wanted to tell you and your husband that I love your family very much. Maddie was so blessed to have such loving parents and I agree – she will be an amazing big sister.
Chris says:
No, it’s not how you planned it–which would be adorable btw, but it’s going to be wonderful, because despite the pain, and grief and heartache, you’re going to be blessed with a new multiplying Spohr. And even from afar the beautiful MAddie is going to be an awesome big sister. Here she is, where I never even MET her and she inspired me to create a blog, try to start dealing with my life on it, change my world purple and add the friends of maddie banner to my twitter (covering my face in the process). I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve read and re-read and I come to your blog every morning before I do things I should. THAT’s the impact she’s made on this stranger who has laughed and cried and would consider you a friend if someone asked. So just imagine the impact she’s going to have on little Binky.So Congratulations to, you, Mike, Maddie and Rigby I will be thinking good happy thoughts for you. I’ve just been waiting for this announcement practically feeling it in my bones for some reason, Best wishes, Chris (Who can never, ever remember the name of her own darn website and being on my work computer can’t go look it up)
Sally says:
This is so desperately bittersweet. I am going to buy this baby boy growing inside me a t-shirt that says “Little Brother” even though when he’s born his big sister will be no where to be seen. He will look like our first born, all over again. I too have been to the cemetery to tell my missing daughter about her new sibling on the way, and I too plan on visiting her resting place again when this little man hopefully arrives safe and sound come November.
I am so sorry it has to be like this Heather, I really, really am.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..The calm before the storm =-.
AmazingGreis says:
I’m at work, tears are streaming down my cheek. The urn, the shirt, your words, it’s just so beautiful. It’s definitely not how anyone pictured it to ever be, but Maddie is definitely looking over you all now and will be FOREVER. She will be a great BIG sister. Binky will be loved in so many ways, what a lucky baby.
I can’t wait to meet you in Chicago. Hope you don’t mind hugs, cause I’ll definitely need to give you one!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..3 days… =-.
Sarah says:
You amaze me, every time I read your posts. I think about you and your family every day. Whilst losing Maddie has been so unthinkably awful, I am so glad that you will have this baby, Maddy’s sibling, bringing joy back into your life. *hugs*
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..9st 3, boyfriends: 0, alcohol units: 0, calories: how do I know?! =-.
amanda says:
I can’t begin to imagine how bittersweet this all must feel. But you know how joyful Maddie was, and how over the moon she would be with a sibling – and you know she’s out there somewhere now, “WOW-ing” at the news.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..ok, ok, one more video, that’s it, I promise =-.
Lisa Wood says:
gosh i cried again…she is going to be the best biggest sister ever…..
Thoughts and prays sent your way
xxx
Lisa
.-= Lisa Wood´s last blog ..Cute Kids =-.
Vicky says:
You are truly a tribute to the enduring human spirit. I don’t even know you, but some days I wonder how you go on, but you do. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
I’m sure there has never been a pregnancy with more people praying for its safe and joyous conclusion. Dear God, please hold this precious family close to you.
Best wishes to you and your entire family.
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
Maddie will be the best big sister – and Binky will always know how awesome she is. Binky is truly one very lucky little baby to have such a fantastic family.
Lolla Moon says:
Much, much, much love to all four of you. You are an amazing family.
La Petite Belle says:
I have no words. I real your blog as often as you update it, and I look forward to it. I appreciate that you have let us, all of us, into your life and shown us a bit of what you’re going through, even though there is so much that we don’t know or could even imagine. Your Maddie is beautiful and I pray for you often.
Karen says:
You’re right, it won’t be how anyone would have ever imagined, but your baby will come into this world with a guardian angel to watch over them; Maddie indeed will be the best big sister anyone could hope for.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Purple Lupines =-.
Kristen McD says:
Congratulations!
Kelly says:
Now, more than ever, I find myself following your story…and know it will stay with me forever.
Looks like we’re due right around the same time…I’ll be thinking of and praying for you.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Historic Steps =-.
perksofbeingme says:
Maddie will be the best big sister ever. I love you so much.
.-= perksofbeingme´s last blog ..I hear a doubt, with the voice of true believing. =-.
nic @mybottlesup says:
heather- you are such a fantastic mother. absolutely fantastic… and maddie is proud. she is a very proud big sister and always will be. i think it’s incredibly brave and strong for you to open your heart like this… the tshirt is priceless.
you are priceless.
m says:
god, that’s so sad…. she was the best. i’m just so sorry.
NJ says:
Wow. A massive congratulations.
Maddie will watch over her little sister or brother, always. I’m sure of that.
.-= NJ´s last blog ..Work. Continuing to give me the shits. =-.
JD says:
Love to you all
Shannon Kieta says:
Heather…
Maddie is skipping in Heaven right now! Telling everyone about her new baby brother/ sister. Are you going to find out what you are having? Or are we going to be surprised? Are we helping you witha name? I am sooo excited! ifeel like I am your sister( I just lost mine in Janurary to cancer so I NEED one) and you are a gem, so I have adopted you, okay? Anyhoo… back to names, are we keeping some part of Madeline or Alice as a keepsake of her big sis? Watch it be a boy and you will HAVE to name him MIKE!!!! Oh well, Maddie for a boy? nah! Oh Heather, I am over the moon for you guys. My husband and I went to dinner last night and I told him the news, he is thrilled. He even knows who you are from me talking about you all the time. He even says, ” They deserve it!” You have touched SO many lives sharing your story with other’s. You have so many people praying for you. Take care of yourself. Keep us posted! We all love you!!!(and baby)!
sam {temptingmama} says:
*hugs*
Maddie is the best big sister any baby could ever ask for.
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..The Obligatory ZOMG!!!11! #BlogHer09 Post =-.
Erica says:
Dear sweet Heather,
I too read your post at work this morning with tears streaming down my face. I’ve come back now to comment. You and Mike are such amazing people, such amazing parents and it would have been such an amazing way to announce your special news. The big sister t-shirt is so adorable and your precious Maddie would have looked so adorable wearing it. Through all that you have shared with your readers about your adorable Maddie I can just imagine how she would have behaved and I can hear her saying ‘hi baby’ so clearly. Maddie is going to be best big sister ever to your Binky. Binky will have a wonderful big sister to share his or her life with. Maddie will be there all the time with Binky. You and Mike will have lots of happy memories (all documented through your photography and your blog) to share with Binky about her amazing big sister. I have had the honour to get to know your precious Maddie through the snippets you share with your readers on this blog, Binky will have the honour to get to know his or her big sister through the memories of his or her parents. Maddie has made such an impact on the lives of so many people, all the people who knew and met her and then so many strangers all around the world who have only ‘met’ her through her amazing Mama’s blog. My life has been changed by the story of your precious Maddie. My life has been changed by the courage and strength of her amazing parents.
Thank-you for sharing with us today, dear Heather, and thank-you for showing us the very moving photo of Maddie’s big sister t-shirt.
Thinking of you today as always.
With love
your stranger friend, Erica in Luxembourg
Tami says:
This brought tears to my eyes..I love the shirt. :0 And I think its great how you are having Maddie announce the great news.. She is your angel watching over you all and she will protect her little sister or brother. I hope its ok to say that I love Maddies URN it is beautiful, like her.
Hugs,
Suzanne says:
My heart is broken on your behalf. Maddie should be here to announce this news. I think of you guys every day and wish it was different. I am so happy for Binky, who will be joining a spectacular family. Blessed little baby.
Kelly says:
I would have claimed that the “unlce” was intentional I have the added benefit that it would have perfectly suited my brother
Maddie’s shirt is just adorable. Heartbreakingly so. I’m alternating between immense joy and sadness for you, and incredible excitement for this new little life at the amazing family that s/he will be born into
Hugs, as always.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Climbing into my new stroller =-.
Deborah says:
I am so happy for you and so sad for you at the same time. You are so open with your emotions, and I think that makes you incredibly brave. I will forever be sad that Maddie is no longer with us.
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..New Etsy Listings =-.
Amy says:
Oh that picture… it breaks my heart. I wish she was here to wear it for all to see. Thinking of you, Mike and Binky!
Alli says:
The last picture made me tear up. So beautifully written. I am so so so sorry that your plan did not go as planned. I wish I could take that away for you.
~Hugs from TX
.-= Alli´s last blog ..Friend Makin’ Monday – Vacation Edition =-.
leena says:
Heather,
You posts always generate so many different emotions. i haugh, cry, and i always just pull for you.
You and Mike are awesome parents and no one knows that better than your Maddie, I know she is thrilled for her sibling.
I know you must be going through a range of emotions too with this pregnancy but i just want you to know that your heart is big enough to love maddie, greive for Maddie, and love your new baby as well.
I think everything you went through with maddie has made you stronger and you’ll be so much more aware and appreciative and even more awesome as a mom.
I honestly will be saying prayers for you as you go through this pregnancy . I know you and Mike, by God’s amazing grace, will be putting another beautiful, extraordinary child on this earth. Congratulations
Jen says:
How exciting and heartbreaking at the same time. Maddie would’ve looked gorgeous and so proud to wear her “big sister” shirt.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Whaddaya wanna know?? =-.
Colleen says:
Maddie’s light will always shine on Binky and keep him/her warm with her love. She will still be the protective big sister looking out for her little sibling. And I think she’s looking out for you and Mike now too.
Woke up still feeling such amazing energy from your post yesterday. Thinking of you often, sending you love & strength.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..Black Thumb, Greener Feet =-.
cindy w says:
I was also too excited to do anything but shove the positive pregnancy test in my husband’s face.
That t-shirt is adorable. And yes, Maddie will be a great big sister.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..my first vlog =-.
Lisa says:
Maddie is going to be the best big sister. I wish this was all happening the way you wanted it to though.
I love that adorable shirt, I know Maddie is looking down on you smiling and watching over her little brother/sister to be.
love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..States with Back to School Tax Holidays =-.
Jen says:
What a bittersweet moment for you. I’m so excited for your pregnancy and I know that Maddy is watching over you and Binky, protecting you. You and Mike are the most amazing people and parents!
Big hugs
.-= Jen´s last blog ..The Final Countdown =-.
Dawn says:
Dude.
I started out smirking over the fact that a post about announcing a new baby had a title with the word LAID in it. And then ended up all snotty when I got to the last picture.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..seventeen hundred dollar week =-.
Jamie says:
You know, I think it’s awesome that you and Mike knew Maddie so well, inside out even, that you know exactly how she’d act and react. You guys are such great parents to her and you will be to Thing 2 (no offense, just a nod to Dr. Seuss).
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..The Great Blueberry Muffin Smackdown =-.
AnnD says:
I can’t imagine the extemes of emotions you both must be going through.
I know you have probably heard this a million times but baby Binky will have such a fabulous guardian angel. I really, truly believe that.
I don’t know what else to say except that I will be praying for Binky’s safe arrival in January/February.
Momma Uncensored says:
love the shirt!!
baby spohr will love to see all these great videos and pictures of their cool big sister.
.-= Momma Uncensored´s last blog ..10 weeks =-.
ali (adil320) says:
She will be amazing, little Binky Babe is beyond blessed to have her light surrounding her.
.-= ali (adil320)´s last blog ..Follow Friday the Blog Edition Part 2 =-.
Jenn says:
Ohhh Heather,
Your words and pictures made me feel such despair for you today! I too wish Maddie could have worn that t-shirt to share the news. I think of you all often and pray your pregnancy this time will be without complications, without worry and without grief.
Take Care,
Your Stranger Friend,
Jenn
Lindsay from Florida says:
Oh, that final picture is so overwhelming, it takes my breath away. It’s so wrong (because it’s not being worn the way it should be), and yet (and I hope this comes out the way I mean it), it looks right. Maddie is forever a part of the family, the first child, the big sister, and none of that is any less true because she isn’t here in person. The picture pays tribute to that. Maddie would adore a baby sibling, of course, but, having known your boundless love as parents, she is undoubtedly overjoyed that YOU will have that same baby sibling to adore.
becky says:
i agree with many commenters up there that maddie will be a fantastic big sister from up above. the new addition will be SO blessed to have yall and maddie in her life!
.-= becky´s last blog ..Maddie’s brother or sister =-.
Jennifer says:
Maddie will always be watching over this baby!!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..My Day In Haiku =-.
Amanda says:
That final picture started the tears. I don’t believe I have ever cried so much for a little darling I have never even met. I am so happy for you, but will never forget your first Darling Girl.
Hugs today
Amanda
Trisha says:
Lots of tears.
Sending extra (((HUGS))) from Florida
Rashmi says:
Heather,
I started reading your blog a few days back(came via Matt’s blog). I have never commented before, but have gone back and read all your entries. I think of you quite often and pray for you. I pray that you have a safe delivery this time, surely Maddie will be your guardian angel.
You have a gift with words, and it is so noble of you to share this very very difficult time with others through your blog.
Lady Lemon says:
Heather – I am so happy that you are going to be sharing your love with a new baby. I know that this isn’t the way you wanted it, but hopefully this will help ease some of your pain.
.-= Lady Lemon´s last blog ..in which Lady Lemon leaves the state of Florida =-.
darcie says:
It’s not as you had planned -but it’s going to be so awesome none-the-less ~ I have no doubt Maddie will be a best friend to her sister still –
So happy for you guys…
.-= darcie´s last blog ..4th of July ~ =-.
melissa/bostonmama79 says:
Maddie will be the best big sister. Binky is also lucky to have parents like you and Mike. very lucky. *HUGS* to you both
Alexandra says:
You’re doing it the right way. So many people probably expect you to just “move on” and have another. As if Maddie were just a stepping stone.
She will be in your lives forever. And you’ll see her again through your new little one.
Much love and happiness to all of you.
Carolyn says:
This post made me cry and cry. I’m so sorry Heather. This must be such a bittersweet time.
Angie says:
oh that shirt would have been perfect. I am sure Maddie is looking down from heaven with excitement. She has sent you this new baby because you are such a wonderful parent. She will always watch over you and your family.
.-= Angie´s last blog ..MINE =-.
Notesfromthegrove says:
Because of your wonderfully written words, someday your new little one really will KNOW Maddie. I think that’s an amazing gift.
.-= Notesfromthegrove´s last blog ..Silly Saturday Night Part II =-.
meg...CT says:
It took me a while to figure out why UNLCE was wrong!!! I am a terrible speller. Thank God for spell check!
I know you are conflicted. (I can’t even imagine) But Maddie is excited…Why? She knows she did her job well…she made you a mom, the perfect mom for she and her siblings!
Peace.
Karishma says:
i am sending everything i possibly can your way. my best prayers, if you want them, and definitely my best wishes. i hope for an amazing pregnancy, i hope that this helps heal you, emotionally and physically. *nothing*, nothing at all, can ever replace or even begin to fill the void left by sweet Maddie, but all i want is for you to find happiness in the midst of the sorrow. i love you, Heather and Mike.
J says:
This just breaks my heart. Maddie WILL be a wonderful big sister, I know, but I think all of us here (and many more) would give anything for it to be different.
Take care of yourselves.
Jess says:
It took me a moment to see the word UNLCE was wrong … wow, I need more coffee…
Congratulations on your new addition. Maddie will forever be a part of your family, you’ve made it so easy for Binky to know and love his/her older sister.
Please know, that we know you aren’t ‘fixed’ we know you’re still broken and need so much time and love to heal. Eventually with all the love you have to give, it will happen, things will get easier, things will get better in time.
You’ve been so amazing and so strong, you’ve taught us all so many things in the past 3 months, I can’t even imagine what else I will learn from you during the lifetime of this blog. (please, NEVER NEVER NEVER stop!)
Alexis says:
I bet Maddie is so excited to be chosen as her little sibling’s guardian angel! In heaven she greeted her sibling with a “Hi Baby” and sent the little soul right down to you and Mike. Prayers to a healthy pregnancy :).
Alison says:
“Hi, baby!”
Binky’s got a wonderful big sister, and I wish Maddie Moo could say that in person to Binky Boo.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..Are You? =-.
delfina jones says:
The good part is Maddie’s sibling will know her through this amazing blog–and it will be a happy experience as Maddie comes across as a joy and delight in all your photos, stories and video.
Jes says:
Congratulations!
What a lucky baby to have Maddie watching out for him/her and to have such an amazing big sister. I am so happy for you and Mike. I wish you a comforting and healthy pregnancy.
and add me to the list of those who had to look a few times before figuring out that uncle was spelled wrong.
Kristi of Million Dream Mom says:
My heart just broke all over again for you
.-= Kristi of Million Dream Mom´s last blog ..south beach =-.
jess from n. illinois says:
this is so bittersweet and wonderful all at the same time! i am incredibly happy for you guys. i can only imagine how excited maddie is to be a big sister, bragging to all of her new friends! i hope you find peace and happiness in this new addition and comfort knowing that maddie is all around you. take care!
.-= jess from n. illinois´s last blog ..makeshift bookshelf. =-.
April says:
i can’t believe i ignored my feed reader for a few days and totally missed your big news… i tried to leave a comment on your announcement post, but my dinosaur of a computer keeps crashing
anyways, congratulations are surely in order and i’m so sorry that Maddie won’t be able to meet Binky the way you and everyone had hoped. she will make a fantastic big sister from wherever she is.
i have the same fun blood disorder and have to do the shots 2x’s a day too. please feel free to drop a line if you ever want to chat about it. i’m in the middle of pregnancy #5 (2 unsuccessful prediagnosis and 2 healthy little boys), so, well… yeh… not sure where i was going with that, but please feel free to shoot me an email.
.-= April´s last blog ..Sunday Citar… on Monday. =-.
Jodee says:
What an adorable shirt!!! I know Maddie is smiling…. Big (hugs) to you both and I am soo excited for you. =-)
.-= Jodee´s last blog ..Friends of Maddie =-.
Jen says:
I had a stroke when I was 12 weeks pregnant (I am 29 years old). For the rest of my pregnancy I had to give myself heparin injections twice daily and for 10 weeks after I gave birth I did Lovenox injections. Your belly becomes tender and bruised but it is obviously a small sacrifice in exchange for a full term, healthy pregnancy. We are celebrating my son’s first birthday this Friday so obviously we had a great outcome! I love reading about your precious Maddie. Such and angel:) Praying for you.
Apple Sauce says:
You know…my son was born around the same time you are expecting your Binky. He was conceived on Mother’s Day.
It’s a nice thought. That maybe your Binky is the ultimate Mother’s Day gift from your precious daughter.
Congratulations again Heather and Mike
.-= Apple Sauce´s last blog ..They’re so cute when they’re asleep =-.
Stephanie Padilla Salgado says:
Heather,
I know that it feels bitter sweet and will always feel like that because your precious Maddie is not there to laugh, cry, love & hug with her baby brother/sister. The great thing is that you have all the beautiful pictures, videos, & most importantly the memories of her, which will live on forever. Take care & God Bless…. Much love, hugs & kisses..
Chrissy says:
What a bittersweet post. I cried because you made me laugh with the pregnancy brain/spelling mistake. I cried because I can almost feel your excitement about being pregnant again. I cried because your sweet Maddie isn’t there physically to experience all of this…but she is still with you and your family (in your hearts, your memories…).
Nothing is ever how we plan it to be. I know I didn’t plan on having my baby born 12 weeks prematurely. I never expected my first experience being pregnant being the way it was. I never thought we’d have to endure 2 months in the NICU. Nothing is ever how we “plan” it to be…but Maddie will always live on in your memories, photos, videos, blog posts…and in your hearts.
Congrats again to you and your husband. Your blog has been such an inspiration. I hope you don’t mind me posting a shout out. I think your blog is now one of my “must reads”. xo
Dana Zap says:
This post absolutely broke my heart and I couldn’t help but sit here at my desk crying….Maddie will be an incredible big sister…Maybe not in the way we all wish…but she will be….That is such a cute T-shirt! I did one for my daughter to announce our pregnancy this time and it was no way as cute as that! I have to also say that Maddie’s urn is so beautiful!!!!
.-= Dana Zap´s last blog ..Sun, Jul 19, 2009 =-.
JennK says:
Preggo brain is the worst but that’s a pretty funny mistake, especially since Mike “proofed” it too! Maddie will be an amazing big sister. If only because she created some very seasoned parents. It makes a difference with baby #2.
.-= JennK´s last blog ..Something missing. =-.
Molly says:
Oh, gorgeous Maddie. She would have been thrilled. It’s going to be hard to top Maddie!
Erin says:
YOU are amazing….and MIKE is amazing, and Maddie…well we all know she is going to be the best big sister ANYONE could ask for. She will look over, guide and protect. Congrats again, and sweet Maddie, she is always in my thoughts.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Sleep Tight =-.
Katie in WI says:
HaHa! UNLCE KYLE
Tara in The Fort says:
Such a rush of emotions for me, so I can’t even imagine how you and Mike are feeling. It just plain sucks that your plans didn’t come to be. Maddie will be watching over this new precious gift and will know all about his/her big sister and how much she impacted people with her smile.
Maddie is happy and smiling down from heaven now. Even though our best laid plans don’t always come to be, new plans come along and can be wonderful and exciting even though they can also be bitterly sweet.
Congrats to you and Mike!
.-= Tara in The Fort´s last blog ..I Can Cook. =-.
C.B says:
Congratulations to you and your family. Maybe this will help the healing process! It’s so wonderful what you and your husband have created! Will be praying for a great pregnacy! Take care of yourself
Glenda says:
This isn’t the way you wanted it to be, but I’m sure Maddie is looking down and so happy that her mommy and daddy will have some joy back in their life. Sending you hugs and prayer that this pregnancy is everything you want it to be and then some! Free of many complications! Thanks for sharing your life, Maddie and Binky with us! XX
Rachel says:
I feel so happy and so sad for you all at the same time. After I read your blog announcing Binky’s arrival yesterday, I felt so happy all day. I still feel pained wishing that Maddie was here to wear the Big Sister shirt, but she IS there, just not physically. I bet she’s so stoked about being a big sister already!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Several Things, Mostly Unrelated =-.
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
Oy. This little binky is going to be surrounded by Maddie’s delicous smile, and he/she will know her and love her. I so wish Maddie could be posing in that shirt right now.
.-= Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last blog ..The Happy Scowl =-.
cindy says:
Congratulations on your new baby. I’m so sorry Maddie isn’t there to kiss your belly. So so sorry.
Jessica says:
Sock to my heart. And crying, again, at work. She already is such a good big sister. What a lucky little binky to be so loved.
Kristy says:
Heather, I wish for you to be surrounded by love and support through this pregnancy. Please never forget how many of us cyberfriends are thinking of you everyday. Wishing we could take just a bit of your pain away. This new little baby is a blessing. I am so happy for you and Mike. I thank you , again, for continuing to share your life and your heart with us.
.-= Kristy´s last blog ..Ethan’s tree =-.
chris says:
You know, somehow I think Maddie will have met the new baby before they arrive. She’ll be their angel forever and ever. Congrats and I hope everything goes smoothly.
lorza says:
I am so sorry for your struggle. {{HUGS}}
.-= lorza´s last blog ..Happy ICLW!!! =-.
april in NJ says:
This post broke my heart today (but when do they not break my heart?). The shirt is amazingly beautiful… but it’s so frickin’ sad and messed up that she’s not here to wear it. Binky is probably the luckiest child alive… you gave so much love to Maddie and because of Maddie’s loss… you realize how precious life is and how wonderful love can be. I know you’ll love Binky with an extra fierceness that perhaps only grieving parents can know. And that makes Binky one lucky baby in my eyes. Wishing you lots lots lots of love, luck, happiness, and hugs from NJ.
lorza says:
PS YOUR BLOG ROCKS!! You even have check box for ICLW!! WOW!
.-= lorza´s last blog ..Happy ICLW!!! =-.
Issa says:
She will be a great sister. In fact, Binky will always have an angel hanging out to protect him/her.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..And now for a little Monday random =-.
mosey along says:
Your words and pictures have made Maddie SING for all of us out here in the blogging world. That baby will *know* his or her big sister, I have no doubt of that.
Congratulations, although I’m sure it must feel bittersweet.
.-= mosey along´s last blog ..Far from home, yet happy =-.
Mrs. Cline says:
Congratulations again. Maddie is going to be the best big sister in the whole world.
*Keeping my fingers crossed that I get to meet you this weekend, because you are incredible. Truly.
.-= Mrs. Cline´s last blog ..As the Tears Flow… =-.
Julie says:
Congratulations to you, Mike and Maddie. Your new little one is going to grow up feeling as if he/she has always known Maddie. I believe that he/she already does. Much love and peace to you.
Jill says:
i don’t know that i have ever seen that picture that is just to the left of the urn in your picture, but oh my God! i adore it! congrats on your news and good luck.
TUWABVB says:
I’m so happy for both of you. I know that this won’t take away your pain or sense of loss, but you both have so much love to give and your child will be so lucky to have you as parents.
Funsize says:
Maddie would be so happy to be a big sister. I’m sure she had a hand in sending along her little sibling. Congratulations to both you and Mike.
xoxo
.-= Funsize´s last blog ..Anticipation =-.
jen says:
Oh– you are so right…and I’m deeply sorry when I said yesterday ‘Maddie would have made a great big sister’..you are absolutely right– she is GOING to be a great big sister! She will still be with you always. XO. That shirt is fantastic.
Remember loving the new one does not mean you love Maddie any less…guilt is strange- don’t succumb to it. I took a long time to bond with the second baby because I felt like I was betraying my firstborn.
Heidi says:
I saw your picture on Flickr first and commented there, but then realized that what I wrote may have stung a little when I said “Maddy would have been a good big sister”. I know she WILL be a good big sister, even if she isn’t here to physically snuggle the new baby. I wish she COULD be here. But I am really, really happy for you. No baby will EVER EVER take Maddie’s place, but a new little family member to love will help heal your broken hearts. Besides, when I am seriously depressed, I can’t be blue for long with some of the things my little ones do or say.
Sandy says:
I want to thank your for sharing such raw and real emotions. I cannot imagine what you are going through, and I cannot tell you how deeply I am moved and how saddened I am. You remind me not to take one minute of motherhood for granted. Maddie is beautiful and that t-shirt is so cute. I know she would have loved it. Take care of yourself.
.-= Sandy´s last blog ..The Way We Are in the Rain =-.
Becky says:
Baby Binky will have the best Guardian Angel ever! I’d like to think Maddie helped it happen!;) She’s got connections, you know?! Anyway, how appropriate for this new baby to have an amethyst birthstone! Just another way for Maddie to show you she’s still right here with you! I see purple everywhere now, I can’t say I notice it before. Blessings and BIG HUGS!!!!!! Always in my prayers!
P.S. I’d love to send something special to you for Binky! Do you have P.O. Box and would you be comfortable sharing the info??
bessie.viola says:
Oh, Heather. I am crying. Just… I did the same thing with my first positive stick. There is nothing like that moment.
Maddie would have LOVED that shirt, I am sure of it. I know she’s grinning over it.
.-= bessie.viola´s last blog ..dank-ooo, mummy =-.
Jenny, Bloggess says:
You made me both laugh and cry, my friend.
Also, you know I have have antiphospholipid syndrome too? The best advice I got though was a cold compress for 4 minutes before the shot. I bruised a lot less that way. Also lovenox is way better than heparin if your insurance covers it.
Maddie will be one hell of a great sister.
.-= Jenny, Bloggess´s last blog ..This post is for people who definitely are or are not going to Blogher =-.
Gina says:
I came across your blog through someone else’s and I have been reading it everyday since.
You have a beautiful family and a wonderful way with words. I tear up everyday I read your blog in good and bad times.
I wish you the best of luck and their is no doubt that your little angel will be watching and protecting you from above.
.-= Gina´s last blog ..Say Cheese =-.
Kelly says:
Your love for Maddie is so beautiful. So is she.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Wow =-.
Erin says:
Bittersweet! Maddie is watching over ALL of you, including Binky, she will be the best big sister.
And her urn is absolutely stunning, just like her smile!
I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Favorite Recipe – Tequila Lime Chicken Tacos =-.
Chrsity M. says:
The Unlce Kyle shirt ROCKS. What a fantastic memory for all of you. I totally didn’t even notice it until you pointed it out! I would have done the same thing….
Maddie’s shirt is so adorable. I’m so very sorry she’s not here to wear it and proudly annouce to the world that she’s gonna be a big sister.
So much love to you. So much.
.-= Chrsity M.´s last blog ..She =-.
tara says:
my heart aches for you and mike every day, heather. i am SO excited for you both and your new arrival, but i can only begin to imagine the simultaneous heartbreak you are feeling. still sending you hugs, and so much love, every day. xo
Liz says:
Congrats on conceiving again. I can’t wait to see the new baby. Your whole story is amazing. I check your blog daily for updates.
Marti from Michigan says:
Maddie will be the angel who protects Binky from danger. When Binky starts crawling, Maddie will be there to show her/him how. When Binky starts pulling her/himself up on tables, couches and chairs, Maddie will be there to protect him/her. When Binky grows up and goes away to college, Maddie will be there by his/her side. I just know it.
My sister lost a baby boy to crib death in 1985 when he was 3 months old, (Steven). Many years later, her husband was T-boned on a busy highway in winter, in Michigan, and he hung on to the steering wheel for dear life and felt the presence of Steven in the car with him. As a result, he was not injured at all, even though their vehicle was destroyed. I believe in that very much.
Maddie will be there. How about putting the tee shirt in a picture frame or shadow box over Maddie’s image, so it looks like she IS wearing it, with her happy little smile poking out of the top of the shirt.
You can put up a few pictures of Maddie in Binky’s room, especially at the head of the bed. Death is crossing through a veil into the presence of God. Maddie is very much alive, she just happens to be on the other side of the veil, with God.
Heidy Martinez says:
Congrats on the new baby!!!
I know exactly how you feel, it’s really a bitter sweet feeling. If you don’t mind me asking….where did you buy the “I’m going to be a big sister shirt”?
Heather says:
I had it made at http://www.cookiebabyinc.com. Lots of cute stuff there.
Tina@SendChocolate says:
Oh, Heather. My heart hurts for you both. With joy, and with sorrow. Congratulations, and what a bittersweet blessing. The baby is wonderful. The absolute loss without Maddie is not.
I know she is very happy for you both, as am I.
Tina
.-= Tina@SendChocolate´s last blog ..I said no, and I meant no and that’s final…. OMG how cuuuuute! =-.
Kristen McD says:
Your brother is cute.
Just saying.
beerab says:
I’m so happy to hear the good news- Maddie would have made a great older sister
gorillabuns says:
Okay, I’m going to say it, the shirt totally matches the urn.
My urn was a fucking ugly brown teddy bear. Yours is quite beautiful as is Maddie.
.-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..filth =-.
Mary says:
Congratulations on the new baby!!!
My heart is filled with joy for your new addition and pain for the loss of your absolutely precious Maddie.
Jenn says:
My feelings are all over the place on this one…I can only imagine what you are feeling. I am trying to type through the tears…because Maddie should be here. And I’m happy because Binky is on the way! So confused.
Sorry if this post is jumbled…..just not sure what to say.
Maddie’s urn is gorgeous, like her The big sister shirt is adorable!!
And Binky….well he/she has hit the jackpot!! You guys are awesome parents! I so admire all that you are going through and how you have shared so much with us. Thank you for including us in your life.
Much love, Jenn in CA
Molly says:
…and Unlce Kyle is handsome!
Chrysalis says:
Hugs! Tears! I am so happy for you and so sad. Your blog is wonderful and Maddie is always in my heart!
Mcuh joy on your Binky!
.-= Chrysalis´s last blog ..Rainy days and Mondays…. =-.
Chrysalis says:
Ok, that should be “much”.. I swear that was not on purpose!
.-= Chrysalis´s last blog ..Rainy days and Mondays…. =-.
Keri says:
Heather, I feel like Keonte’s comment really said it all — Your posts have so much soul, emotion. I admire you and mike – your strength, determination, and heartfelt words to honor your daughter. What a beautiful gift you have. And I know Maddie is watching over you, Mike and the baby in your belly with so much love.
Hugs and love to you,
Keri
Julie says:
I always read your posts from top to bottom, out of order. I don’t get a chance every day to read but ever since I came across your site after seeing it on another blog I’ve come at least once a week.
I broke out in sobs seeing the picture and putting two and two together, realizing that you were pregnant. You don’t know me, I don’t know you, but my heart is broken for you and happy for you at the same time. I’m sorry and congratulations.
May this pregnancy be without drama, may it end in a wonderful way and even though I know that a stress-free pregnancy at this point will not be possible, I hope once you get past the point there your worries subside you can enjoy this pregnancy at least a little bit.
I recently gave birth to surrogate twins for a childless couple. They had many, many miscarriages over a great number of years and together us trying we experienced many losses together as well. The pregnancy was not without drama but once we made it past 28/29 weeks the mommy was finally able to take a small sigh of relief. We didn’t truly get excited until we were walking into the hospital together to deliver her children. So, I can understand the apprehension you must feel and can only hope through all the worry I bet you will have that you can extract some hope and happiness.
If anyone deserves a smile, it is you. Smile through the tears, know you and your daughter have touched so many lives and know that while I don’t normally pray I will each and every day for you.
k-mart says:
OMG! I had not read your blog for a few days! This is amazing! I am sure Maddie is watching over all of you and making sure everything is perfect!
Theresa says:
Awww. Did you have that shirt made at Cookiebaby? I had a Big Sister Olivia ruffled tshirt and Little Brother Jonah onesie made for my kids, and they look like Maddie’s shirt.
The shirt is beautiful and I just don’t know what else to say. The best laid plans….indeed.
Theresa says:
PS. Is it inappropriate for me to tell you that your brother is hot?
If so, please disregard.
mythoughtsonthat says:
Your girl, she is watching, she knows and she can’t wait to be a big sister. I just know it. Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..It’s REALLY HOT Here…. =-.
Eva says:
Heather,
Congrat’s although i know this is bitter sweet! I am expecting near the middle of January and can;t wait to read as well share with you during that time.
Nikki says:
I’m one of those silent lurkers, who reads continulously but is just someone, somewhere in space.
About a week ago, I was so touched by one of your posts, that I almost commented (I’m a procrastinator). I wanted to encourage you to make sure that you experience one new thing every day, to make sure you do it for Maddie, who undoubtedly was a beautifully curious little girl.
Turns out Maddie said it for me.
Congratulations to you, Mike and Binky! I wish you all the best and much, much love from Georgia.
April says:
You have taken Maddies strength and continued your journey always carrying your precious daughter with you!
Congratulations and best of luck…Maddie is glowing about Binky!
NotAMeanGirl says:
That is FANTASTIC! I’m so happy for you. I know it’s bitter-sweet but it’s a blessing.
Krishawn says:
What wonderful news! A ray of happiness in the midst of this incredible grief.
pgoodness says:
Can’t blink away the tears this time. OOF. I know in my heart Maddie is SO excited – how lucky for Binky to have such an amazing big sister. (struggling for words of wisdom and insight and all I can come up with is how much Maddie is missed and how much it sucks.) xoxo
.-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Loose! =-.
Erin B. from VA says:
I am so, so happy for you guys. Congratulations!!
I know this might sound silly, but maybe Maddie has already gotten to know Binky – some people say babies come straight from heaven, right? It makes sense!
I will be thinking of you and sending up many, many prayers in the months to come. Much love to all the Spohrs.
Shelli says:
Binky will have his/her own Special Guardian Angel.
.-= Shelli´s last blog ..What I’ve Been Doing… =-.
Vic says:
hi there,
just wanted to say hi and let you know i’m thinking of you and of your family.
sending you my best wishes and prayers,
Vic
.-= Vic´s last blog ..5 weeks? =-.
Summer says:
Right now I’m crying and I’m sure you think this everyday, but
Fuck. Why couldn’t it have been someone else? Why MADDIE. WHY?
So angry with the way life is right now!
Amy says:
Just imagine the stories you will be able to tell Binky about his/her big sister:)
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
You have the MOST beautiful stories and pictures of Maddie to share w/ her baby. And you must know that the baby has its own special angel.
.-= Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog ..How many kids can fit in one bathtub? =-.
Kristin says:
Sending you lots of hugs and love. So glad you put in the photo of Unlce Kyle.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Lost =-.
joy says:
Heather – that’s the most bittersweet post I have ever read. The t-shirt is frickin hilarious.
Maddie’s urn with her t-shirt – too sad.
My heart aches for you.
Blessings to you and the baby sister you are growing.
.-= joy´s last blog ..Adventures in Fairyland. =-.
Angela says:
Heather & Mike,
What can I say that hasn’t been said? I’ve read your blog from beginning to end on more than one occasion and was so sad to hear about Maddie’s passing.
I wish she could’ve worn her t-shirt to announce the pending arrival but with the love you gave her and the memories you keep in your heart, she will be with you forever.
Much love to the both of you. You both are awesome people and I wish you nothing but the best!
Angela
.-= Angela´s last blog ..Thanks Sprinkes! =-.
Amy says:
I’ve never commented; I found your blog from Matt & Madeline’s.
I’m sensing a brighter outlook in your last 2 entries, and it makes me feel so relieved/happy for you and Mike.
I’m so sorry for your loss of Madeline. She is a beautiful, smiley little girl! And I love her curls! I have natural curl myself, and I hate my hair :)! She is smiling from up above and sending you angel kisses to your belly! Hugs to you all!
astarte says:
That shirt took my breath away.
Maddie’s urn is the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen. It looks like a huge marble. Cool, just like she was.
Adventures In Babywearing says:
Oh, my heart. Both shirts are perfect.
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..scrumdillyumptious =-.
Leslie says:
I’m so glad that there will be the sounds of a little one in your home again. It is a bittersweet moment but I’m sure your life will be filled with joy as you welcome this sweet new life into yours. Maddie will be a great sister and guardian angel to her sibling for sure.
Haley-O says:
You know, that UNLCE shirt is PRICELESS! It’s bound to put a smile on your faces. It does mine. I so wish Maddie were here to share the joy. This new baby is such a blessing, and Maddie will be his/her (and your) guardian angel….
.-= Haley-O´s last blog ..WHAT I’M BRINGING TO BLOGHER =-.
LizardBreath says:
We all know this isn’t how you planned life but this is how life planned you. We wish you the happiest most absolutely boring pregnancy ever. You deserve this and we are thinking happy baby thoughts for you all.
.-= LizardBreath´s last blog ..What kids eat =-.
Angel (TheMommyTsunami) says:
Congratulations and lots of love for you, Mike, Maddie and Binky!
And pregnancy brain IS THE WORST! I was teaching through two of my pregnancies. I hope those kids got accepted into colleges…
Angel
.-= Angel (TheMommyTsunami)´s last blog ..From My Personal, Non-Fiction Archives =-.
Sher says:
When you mentioned a few weeks back that you had exciting news I was hoping this was it…I didn’t want to say it, to sound as if you should be planning for another child during your grief, but I secretly hoped you would be.
While this new baby was conceived in love and grief, she or he has one thing extra…they have Maddie. I imagine that they have been hanging out in the clouds of Heaven and Maddie has filled this baby in on all kinds of wonderful information about Mommy and Daddy and the great family they will have.
Maddie has been aware of this baby long before you have…and she has already laid claim to the “Best Big Sister” title.
Congratulations and much love through this bittersweet time. And while I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason…I do believe that this baby has.
****(((hugs)))****
Nina@Playground for Parents says:
What amazing news. I know it is bittersweet, and you will have lots of moments of longing for Maddie and the family that you imagined. But you will experience tremendous joy, too. And Binky will definitely know about his/her big sister!
Best of luck to you.
.-= Nina@Playground for Parents´s last blog ..Giveaway! Book Bouquet! =-.
Michelle W says:
I continue to think of your family and I can see Maddie’s beautiful smile when I close my eyes. I remind myself whenever I lose my patience with my children just how fortunate I am. It would never cross my mind to think that another child would in anyway lessen your pain and grief or make you miss Maddie any less, in fact I can understand why the opposite would be true. May I say though that I am happy for you and for this baby who will be so loved and so blessed with 2 wonderful parents who love with their entire heart and a sister who has left an indelible mark on so many and lives in the heart of anyone who knew her, even those of us who have known her only through your blog.
Emily Aloha says:
Omigod, I laughed SO hard reading that shirt. I would wear it so proudly if I were him. I’m sure it would have turned into the family joke, and Maddie and Binky would have been calling him “Un-el-key” Kyle…
I hate that your memories got stolen away from you.
Christina says:
It really is Mike’s fault for letting that misspelling slip by. hahaha
You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
xoxo
.-= Christina´s last blog ..Christina B.C. *(before children) =-.
Lexi says:
when i saw this picture, my eyes were immediately drawn to maddie’s urn.
i cannot imagine the kind of emotion that runs through you when you see it everyday. it is beautiful, and yet terribly ugly at the same time. it is the PERFECT little container for such a beautiful girl’s remains, and yet it is not even good enough.
without knowing you, her, mike or rigby, i love you all. i am crying for you.
oh, and binky too, of course.
Mary in AZ says:
I am sobbing for you as I read this. It’s not unusual for me to tear up as I read your notes, but this is unreal. I am so very happy for you to have a precious child on the way and at the same time I am devastated that Maddie is not with you enjoying this moment.
~HUGS~ and prayers for continued healing.
Erin says:
Oh sweetie, congratulations! I am crying for you right now, both tears of sadness and joy!
Hilary Morris says:
Your little baby will be so lucky to have his/her own guardian angel with them at all times. How many kids are that lucky!
What a lovely post and thanks for sharing.
.-= Hilary Morris´s last blog ..Take your workout TO THE BEACH (with just 5 moves) =-.
Maddie says:
Hello,
Have been off line while we moved and still without a phone line and internet now (bluddy telcos), so have hopped on at work to see how you are all doing.
It took me two goes to read Unlce Kyle’s t-shirt to read the typo – love it!
When (if) I get pregnant, I am sending my Mum a Granny Smith apple as that is what she will be, the message has already been decided on by both of us. She doesn’t even like apples, but I know that she will keep it until it’s rotted away, or pickle it for posterity. Living in Melbourne with my parents and brother in the UK and getting, then being pregnant will be the hardest thing I do since I made the decision to emigrate.
You have no worries on Maddie being a great big sister, the amount of love she has will spill over no problems. Can I just say that her urn is bee-yoo-ti-ful?
Congratulations to you all and Binky. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed; although the descriptions of your jabs made me feel queasy, that you are finally being looked after is a relief, but also a frustration too, and I hear you when you prep yourself daily for the jab. What ifs? will pepper your life for a long while to come. Be strong you lovely, lovely family.
MWAH!
.-= Maddie´s last blog ..Movin’ Out =-.
Jenny from Madison says:
Dear Heather,
Congratulations on the news of Binky. I am very happy for you & your family. Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy. Your little Maddie is smiling at you & the little life growing inside of you. Of course no one will every take the place of your Maddie- no one could. All children are special in their own ways & have their own amazing qualities. I look forward to hearing about your pregnancy. Take care of yourself. People like you truly deserve to be parents unlike some of the people out there. I’m really happy for you. :O)
Adelas says:
So I have kind of a dumb question…. is that black thing on top of the urn – a lid? it seems to have buttons or something on it.
Well, I think it’s a lid now that I keep looking at it. But at first, I thought it was something you stuck on there as a hat for Maddie to wear with her t-shirt, and I got huge, major giggles about it.
Love ya.
Mandy says:
Congrats on the new baby. I pray you will have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I think of you and your family often…and you really are a strong person. I wish you the best!
Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) says:
I don’t recall having seen Maddie’s urn before this entry. It’s lovely.
.-= Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)´s last blog ..Because chocolate and ice cream make almost everything at least a bit better… =-.
Joy says:
Heather: I am so touched by your posts. I have been reading them for quite while now.
I hate what you and your husband and family have had to go thru. No p arent should ever, ever, have to deal with that kind of loss and pain. But on the flip side, I am sooo very thrilled for you that you are expecting. I will keep you and binky in my thoughts and prayers every day. That is wonderful news. I am sure Maddie is up there cheeringher sibling on and guiding them to their new life with you and Mike. Such and awesome angel you have up there! She was truly precious. Each time I see her picture with that smile, I smile. Great!
Thank you for sharing your stories.
On a side note, the shots will come easier every day. I had to give myself shots to the stomach as I had to do IVF in order to conceive. The shots were just a daily dot on the road to motherhood, and now I have beautiful 4yr old twins. You are right, if taking the shots gives you a healthy child, then you do what you have to do.
Take care of yourself. God bless. Good luck. I will keep checking in.
Take care.
Joy
from Maryland
jen says:
i think so many people have already said it so perfectly already.
so instead … i’m just sending hugs …
.-= jen´s last blog ..strawberries, raspberries and olive juice … oh my. =-.
Karen says:
I think Maddie is laughing and dancing and making up a special song for Binky from her place in Heaven.
Congratulations to you and Mike, and Congratulations to Maddie for her big-sistership.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..the most important wedding item =-.
Susanna says:
Wow. your brother looks SO MUCH like Maddie.
Congratulations!!
.-= Susanna´s last blog ..Music For Mister Finn and His Babyfriends =-.
Pam MN says:
Congratulations. I am sure Maddie sends love and sister hugs from heaven.
Marisol says:
Hi Heather,
I have been reading your blog for a while. Now and this is the first time i post a comment. I just wanted to say congratulations!! I was soo happy when i read that you were pregnant that i wanted to run and tell SOMEONE the good news, but no one that i know reads your blog! So i had all this excitement inside, i just had to tell you and Mike, CONGRATULATIONS! The little baby you are carrying already has the most precious little angel with them, Maddie.
Marisol
.-= Marisol´s last blog ..We’re Baaack! -Germany- =-.
Kristine - Mommy Needs Therapy says:
Once again I am hiding in my office crying while reading your blog, but this time I have happy tears mixed with the sad!
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!
I’m so sorry i didn’t get to meet you at BlogHer!
.-= Kristine – Mommy Needs Therapy´s last blog ..Headed to BlogHer’09 tra-la tra-la! Please ignore my shaking hands. =-.
Myg says:
I am so, so, so happy to hear you are pregnant.
.-= Myg´s last blog ..The truth about twins =-.
Al_Pal says:
That second photo made me cry.
Maddie would have looked wonderful in the shirt.
*HUGS*
Vanessa says:
That is the cutest shirt! I just miscarried yesterday, baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. I look forward to finding a shirt like that for Vida to wear when we do get pregnant again. Where did you get the shirt?
.-= Vanessa´s last blog ..Vida: 15 months today =-.
personal statement samples says:
“I was too excited to do anything except thrust the stick in his face.”
Congratulations! I guess that’s how it is when you’re too excited that you forget all those creative stuff that you’ve prepared for.
.-= personal statement samples´s last blog ..Writing about a Book that Changed Your Perspectives for the Better =-.
backgammon forum says:
“ I’m normally such a GOOD speller.”
The best laid plans it is… I almost missed the “UNLCE” part.
“She is going to be the best big sister. It’s just not at all how we wanted.”
No doubt about that.
Paycheck Loans says:
“We were a little more creative when we told other people. We gave my parents bibs that said, “I Love Grandpa” and “I Love Grandma.”
Wow! That’s just one of the sweetest things some soon-to-be-parents can do! Honestly, we salute you for your gallantry about Maddie.