After the mega heat we experienced last week, I was surprised to wake up to rain yesterday. I wasn’t upset about it, in fact I was glad. It was the perfect excuse to stay inside.
I still had a lot to do, and my parents helped me out by taking Annabel and Rigby for the day. A couple things ended up being rescheduled, so I suddenly found myself home alone.
It was weird.
I did what I could, tried to catch up on housework and writing and the like. Then I got two pieces of bummer news, followed by an email that included the line:
I haven’t been to your blog in a while because I get so depressed reading about your life.
I get emails like this every now and then and I don’t know what to say. I don’t really know what the point is behind telling me something like that.
I used to want to respond to emails and comments like that by saying, “I’m glad you can take a break! I live it every day!” I was tempted to this time. But since I was alone, I had time to think.
Yes, something hideous and awful happened and my daughter died. But wouldn’t it be more depressing if we’d given up that day? If Mike and I had decided to stop living? Instead, we realized we had to take this awful thing and do something good with it. That’s why we started Friends of Maddie. That’s why I go places and speak about living through grief. Mike and I live FOR Madeline. We live FOR Annabel. We LIVE.
I don’t really see how that’s depressing.
speaking of not depressing, go win something awesome here.
CarrieB says:
I find your blog quite the opposite. As well as being thought-provoking and well written , it’s heartening and inspiring. Never give up, Heather.
cj says:
yes it is! i couldn’t agree with this comment more.
Leah says:
Inspiring is exactly the word I was thinking of.
Erin W says:
Well said! What is wrong with people!
Jodie Brooks says:
Totally inspiring!!! My thoughts EXACTLY!!
Lisa says:
I totally agree!! And I think your whole family is Amazing!!
LD says:
Totally agree- you inspire and amaze me every day.
Laney says:
Yup, exactly.
INSPIRING, not depressing. Your strength, your love for your girls, your willingness to turn a tragedy into something that can help others…it’s why this blog is always the one I read first.
Nellie says:
Ditto and couldn’t have said it any better myself.
You are an amazing Woman and a true Inspiration.
Thank you for blessing and enriching our lives with your blog.
Jana Frerichs says:
I’ve probaly only commented once on here before, but I read all the time. I couldn’t disagree with that commenter more! Your blog is full of LIFE. Good and bad, and that’s okay. And I appreciate your honesty. You have tons of happy entries. You make me laugh and sometimes I cry with you too. I’m usually sitting at work needing a break and I check up on you Spohrs, and I appreciate your blog. Thanks for sharing all that you do, Heather. You don’t depress me.
Amanda M. says:
I’m just going to jump on the bandwagon and agree with this comment. Saves me from having to think of how to re-word the exact same thought. Ha
Lanae says:
I agree too. Amid the tears, I can see the sunshine, too – and the rainbow. What I see is someone who is still battling and overcoming, and THAT is beautiful.
Denise Jones says:
I agree with CarrieB and all the others! My life is brightened, getting to know Maddie, Annie, Rigby, you and Mike. Although I can’t physically hold your hand or give you hug, I carry you all in my heart. (((HUGS)))
Wendy says:
I completely agree.
Lisa says:
What CarrieB said. Couldn’t say it any better than that.
MegLOVEStombrady says:
I am sorry people send you those comments. I read your blog because I think you are an amazing person. Your blog is the only one I make sure to always read. I just wanted to let you know that!!
Melissa says:
You know, I think people really just say stupid things without realizing it. The other day, I totally called one of my professors “old”. As in, he complained about my tiny handwriting and I said “Hm, sucks getting old, huh?” Totally unrelated, but what I’m getting at is that lots of times people are terrified of not knowing what to say, so they say something really really stupid. Not just in person, but obviously in emails too. They mean something else, but say something stupid.
I don’t think your life or your blog are depressing. They are both uplifting and inspiring. So many people read here for that reason, you know. Also, the beautiful baby pictures don’t hurt.
How incredible is it that people who you’ve never even met love your beautiful daughters so much?
Margie says:
I agree with you, Melissa. People panic and feel they should say something and then say something hurtful without trying to be, etc.
Regardless, while it’s beyond upsetting all the stuff that has come back to back in Heather’s life, I find it uplifting. Life sucks sometimes, really bad. However, Heather keeps moving and working for Friends of Maddie, for Annie, for Mike, for her family and that makes me want to do the same. So, I hope that who ever felt the need to email Heather, that they find what they are looking for wherever that may be.
Deer Baby says:
Mystified. Then why go to the trouble of emailing you to tell you that?
I find it real. And full of love, joy and tears. I am in awe. That you have started something so positive, so worthwhile, so needed with Friends of Maddie. That you can still find humour, that you are still keeping going, that your family unit is so strong and the love you have for your daughters just shines out from every post.
Aly says:
Your writing is nothing less than inspiring and beautiful. Despite all the darkness, you are still able to find glimmers of light and see the humor in things and bask in Annie’s developments (and ridiculous cuteness) and share memories of Maddie. I enjoy your blog, more than any other I’ve ever read. It offers so much hope. Yes, sometimes it’s sad, but even the sad entries are beautifully written, and you’re certainly allowed to share your grief. Annabel is lucky to have parents that – in spite of everything – did not sink, because it would have been so, so easy to let go. I think that’s why most of your readers come here and continue to. Your journey is inspiring, and filled with so much strength.
Funnelcloud Rachel says:
You know, I think your blog is the opposite of depressing! In fact, I think you’re one of the most inspiring people I “know.”
Sure, you’ve been dealt some really sh*tty cards – my heart hurts for you and I can’t imagine the pain you’ve endured over the past year and half. And I know that you don’t even share all the bad stuff on your blog, but still I think that you handle both the good and the bad with grace and humor. Your daughters are lucky to have such a strong role model.
Well done, Heather.
Momma Lioness Michele says:
EXACTLY. I think you’re incredible, and have such a way of expressing yourself that I truly admire. Please don’t take the negative comments/emails to heart. Thank you for sharing your life with us – I feel like I know you & your family through your writing (though we’ve never met IRL), and you’re wonderful people to know.
Suzy says:
Your blog and your life are in NO WAY depressing to me. I find it the opposite, your life is beautiful because it includes Maddie. You have fought through great grief, as many of us have, and come out the other side. You are a super mother and have a beautiful family, both here on earth and elsewhere.
Many thousands find you and your story inspirational. Know that this person is the exception, rather than the rule.
Much love to you and yours.
Ursula says:
I read you blog every day and your strength amazes me! I am in awe at the lengths you go to to keep the memory of your beautiful little girl alive. Good for you!
Erica says:
Dearest Heather,
I read your blog every day and think about you, Mike and your girls every day. I am sometimes moved to tears by your words, but I also laugh a lot at the way you tell all your funny stories.
I often look at your photos of Maddie and cry, laugh, smile.
I think you are just amazing and the most amazing Mum to your girls. I learn so much from you and find you so inspiring. You really are the best. And your precious Maddie has made such an impact on this world, she will never, ever be forgotten and that’s all down to her wonderful parents always keeping her alive and doing so many wonderful things in her name.
Sending you lots of love from afar
Erica
jodi says:
Yes. ^^^ This exactly.
I also want to add that I am sick of assholes. That’s all.
You are loved, your girls, your family are loved and respected. *hugs*
And sorry for saying “asshole” (now twice) on your blog.
Nelly says:
I think your blog has the opposite effect on me, it is totally inspiring reading.
At times things can get a little bleak, but that is life! People need to think before they comment.
*hugs to you and the family*
Jayne says:
Hi Heather,
I’m fairly new to your blog and have read back-posts, so am aware of the terrible, life-shattering tragedy that your family experienced when you lost your beautiful Maddie.
I read these posts, and yes, I was extremely saddened. But I was also inspired and heartened, and understood that your blog was part of the long and difficult process needed to get our heads around grief and loss. At no point did I ever feel “depressed by your life”.
I can only assume that the person who said this has never experienced any loss or sadness in their life, as nobody who has ever been through a difficult time would say this.
And all I will say is this…what a lucky son of a bitch that person is.
I’m certain that many people read your blog and understand exactly where you’re coming from, because of shared experience. And I’d be willing to wager that the majority, if not all of these people, wish that they didn’t GET IT. But we do, and we must stick together.
Keep doing what you’re doing. Ignore the lucky ones.
Carrie P. says:
I read your blog everyday because it gives me inspiration. It’s also thought provoking & filled with hope, love, & humor. I truly enjoy getting a glimpse into your amazing life. I hope you won’t ever let a select few idiots affect the way you blog.
Joyce says:
I love your blog because of your strength and honesty and humor. The person who wrote that email is lacking (in compassion) in the ability to see through to who you really are. I feel sad for them, mostly because the glimpses that you give us of yourself are incredible and have taught me so much about life. You are full of love, happiness and warmth–and of course sadness, loss and fear. You comprise an amazing, multi-faceted person and your ability to write about it will always keep us reading and wanting to learn more. Plus, your husband is hot. I’m sorry you have to endure so much unwanted crap because of your writing, but I hope the majority of your readers provide support and love and compassion that makes it at least a little bit worth it.
debi says:
I stay up till 2AM just to read the next days post. You give hope. You make me smile more than cry but sometimes I do cry. I’m not as nice as you. My first thought when I read what was said to you was that remark by Steve Martin years ago “Well EXcuse Me”. I would have been rude but you are above that sort of thing and that’s what makes you special. That and a million other things.
Malou's Mama says:
I had a close friend email me something similar…I have to admit, that was kind of a turning point in our friendship, at least to me. I didn’t call her on it (although I tried to, gently, on a few other things) and I have a feeling her comment was no biggie to her, but it hurt me.
Keep living, keep doing great things in Maddie’s name, keep being honest. You are helping more people than you are “depresseing” (and I’m guessing you are also helping yourself in the process, which is just as important as helping others).
Seraphim says:
Heather this email couldn’t be more wrong. You and Mike are an inspiration. You are grieving authentically, and at the same time as carrying this unimaginable weight you are doing great things in your daughter’s name. Some people just don’t understand. I hope they never have to xxxx
Sarah G says:
I can simply not understand nor excuse that emailed comment. Apart from being deeply insensitive it’s also utterly untrue. I find you to be an incredibly happy, positive and life-affirming person. That person is a JERK.
Audra says:
I read your blog every morning because I find you to be an inspiration. You are able to write with honesty and share all of your emotions in such a candid, real way. I know I’m not really saying anything different from the people who already commented, but I want you to know that there are a lot of us out there who truly appreciate what you do.
Jenny says:
I do not understand how you judge someone else’s life and loss and deem it “depressing”. You are making it through each day and working to help others while raising your family. After an unbearable loss you are still functioning. That is not depressing. It’s coping and living.
I am really confused about why someone would take the time to email you to pass along their judgement. Apparently they never heard “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all (thanks, Mom).” If I came to your house to share a meal with you I would not email you the next day to point out what I did not like.
There are really strange people in this world.
Candy says:
Wow, I can’t believe someone actually took the time to email those words. They should go read someplace else with their rose colored glasses. Your blog is real, its life, its love, its the Marvelous Maddie and the Amazing Annabel.
Your blog is in no way depressing, its your way of dealing with your feelings and I hope you feel all the love and support from your readers.
Micha says:
I really wanted to come up with something ‘good’ here, but all I really want to say is that you make me laugh. And feel. And Maddie has made my daughter laugh too, not just once Thank you.
KT says:
I quit blogging months ago and I don’t read blogs anymore because some of them are depressing. However, I read your blog every single morning. Your blog is the ONLY blog I still read BECAUSE of how you and Mike live. Your blog isn’t depressing. It’s inspiring and I love it.
Beret says:
I’m an everyday reader but I rarely ever comment. I had to come out of lurkdom for this one! Yep, your life is just soooo depressing. Those pictures of Annie that give me the blues, the videos of Annie and Rigby that start the tears flowing and I won’t even get started on the hair tutorials which can send me to bed with a box of tissues for hours. Keep on living your life and blogging about it. Please!
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
I totally agree with Beret, above. Couldn’t say it better.
Sue says:
I read your blog first thing every morning, Heather, and lots of times I cry buckets of tears, and other times I laugh my head off! Too bad that this person only finds the sadness in your blog,,,,they are the ones missing out. Why did they feel the need to try and make you feel bad by telling you that they stopped reading your blog because it’s too sad,,,,,,,,,,,,,,why didn’t they just either go away quietly,,or peek in every now and then to find out what they’re really missing. Keep doing it exactly the way you’ve been doing it! We love reading every word,,,and seeing every single picture and video!!!
shauna says:
I dont find it depressing at all- I find you to be inspirational. I cant even imagine what you go through every day but you do wonderful things and you have a wonderful family. You have a sense of humor and are helping others. So keep writing please.
suzy says:
Your blog is a ray of sunshine to me. Sunshine from maddie’s pictures, sunshine from annie’s pictures, and sunshine from your beauitiful words. You are stong and I think if everyone loved their kids like you and mike do, the world would be a better place.
Beth says:
Your blog is the opposite of depressing. It is, in fact, one of the most INSPIRING blogs I’ve ever had the privilege to read. Your strength inspires me and helps remind me to savor all the precious moments I have with my child. I can’t thank you enough for that.
ClassyFabSarah says:
People who think that it’s “too depressing” to read around here clearly aren’t reading very closely.
Sure, on the surface it could stand to reason that you could be sad. Depressed. Life dealt you a pretty nasty card.
But.
Your blog is one of the most inspiring things I read every day. It’s hopeful and bright. Not only is it not depressing – it’s anything but.
I’m sure this person was trying to convey something to you in this email that they didn’t have the right words for… so they just said something stupid. Yep, stupid.
If they can’t find the joy in your posts and your life (which I find pretty hard to believe…) – it’s their loss. And I’m pretty sure the rest of us disagree wholeheartedly.
(Uh-oh, somebody’s ALL fired up now.)
Robyn Overstreet says:
Dear Heather,
I’ve been reading for well over a year now, but never commented. I don’t understand why someone would even be compelled to tell you that?! I’d like you to know that I enjoy reading your blog everyday… the upbeat and inspiring ones, as well as the emotion filled. Do I enjoy what you’ve gone through? No, not at all… Like many others I wish I could take away all your hurt. But I like your complete sense of honesty, your willingness to share your experiences and your beautiful family with all of us. I am happy and excited to hear about adventures in your life and see new videos, and I sit silently and think of you and Maddie when I can tell you’re having a rough day.
You and Mike are wonderful parents, and I can see that in every post you make… every word, every picture, every video. The love you have for your family shines, as well as their love for you. I check often to see what’s new with the Spohr family, and yes, like many others your family has become a part of mine… even if I’ve only been an anonymous visitor to your site until now.
Thank you for sharing with all of us. Your blog is not at all depressing. It’s inspiring, truthful and completely you. We love you Spohr family!
-Robyn
Aunt to Another Maddy says:
That person obviously has issues if they can’t see beyond the sadness. Yes, there is sadness here; you’ve had a lot of rotten things handed to you. But I find you funny and inspiring. This is cliche, but courage is “grace under pressure,” and you have that in spades.
Holly says:
I come to your blog – every day – because I am inspired by you. You and Mike are amazing parents and I hope some of that will rub off on me when I read about your lives.
Eric's Mommy says:
I also don’t understand why somebody would tell you something like that. I love reading your blog because even though you have been through so much you are LIVING, like you said. You guys are an inspiration, plus you are hilarious too
Emily says:
HeatHer,
Like so many others I find your blog inspiring. Your posts are touching, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartbreaking, but always real. Reading it always reminds me both of the fragile gift of life and how important it is to take every day as a gift, and the tremendous strength that you have in the wake of a life-changing tragedy. Your willingness to share so much with the world touches so many lives, and I cannot imagine a better testament to Maddie’s bright life than this blog. She truly continues to live on through you, and you inspire hope and strength to so, so many. You have created a beautiful living document about the love a mother has for her babies, their father (and their puppy) and the world in which they live.
Keep it up.
Emily
(PS – If you’re looking to mix up your PB stash, PB & Co brand has a new dark chocolate dreams peanut butter….simply heavenly!)
Marianne says:
I still come here because I find your strength so inspiring. Plus, Annie is just beyond.
Lisa says:
You know what’s depressing? Stupid people.
Sad is not depressed. Grief is not depression. Sadness and grief are symptoms of life for heavens sake. As are joy and happiness – all signs that we live and love and cherish one another. And guess what – those feelings can all coexist. We can grieve and still find joy. What a gift!
But stupid? Now that’s depressing.
anotherheatherfromcanada says:
Heather,
I read your blog first thing in the morning. Sure there are times when I’m reduced to a blubbering baby but most of the time these posts are the OPPOSITE of depressing. They are inspiring, encouraging and full to the brim of love for your children ! You and this blog are an inspiration !! Lots of love !!
Heather P says:
I have little to no respect for people who choose to behave like this. I dated a guy who was so self righteous and indignant in his own depression issues that he’d constantly lay guilt trips on those around him.
It sounds like the commenter is pulling the same nonsense. They can’t get comfortable in their own skin, so they turn that outward instead of learning to alleviate the difficulties they feel inside.
Charlene R says:
I read your blog everyday becuase I am in AWE of your strength. After all you have been through, you have still retained your wonderful sense of humor. I look forward to reading your blog every morning – it doesn’t matter what the post is about – I enjoy all your readings. Keep blogging, I won’t stop reading!!
Kim Wencl says:
Way to go Heather! You are so right on! Let’s face it, the death of a child (and I’ve got first hand exerience as well) is the perfect reason to be sad and play the victim for the rest of our lives.
But it doesn’t change anything and feeling sad and miserable 24/7 isn’t very enjoyable. Granted I still have my days, but my good days far outweigh the difficult.
Shortly after my Elizabeth died in 2003 it occurred to me that the best way to honor her was for me to live a good life. To laugh, to love, and to do what I can to make the world a better place. It’s what gets me out of bed each morning. What can I do to honor Liz today? When I’ve had a good day I know I’ve made her proud and that is a very good feeling.
Carry on!
Visit my blog, Loves Lives On at
http://kimwencl.com
Jenn says:
Your blog/life….not depressing but yes, you, like most of us had some awful depressing things happen to you. It sucks, it’s not fair but it is what it is. I see your blog as an inspiration. I also choose to get up each day, fight through the chronic pain I feel, hind the fact I throw up b/c it gets so bad but I choose to live like you b/c I have 3 kids. I have a life.
Your life….strength + courage + being a mom + honouring Maddie + surviving for Annie = your blog about your life. If that person can’t handle it she should do 2 things….1) Count her blessings….2) Stop reading if YOUR pain is too much for HER!! I have never heard something so stupid and/or selfish in my life!!
I’m prouf of you….always have…..always will!! Yes, I wish things were different, I wish so badly Maddie was still here but sometimes, life is cruel and sometimes, time just doesn’t heal everything.
So, to the e-mailer….if you don’t like Heather’s life, perhaps it’s time to get your own?!
Veronika says:
I read your blog, everyday. It’s not depressing. Sometimes it’s heart breaking. Nobody should ever have to watch their baby die, nobody should have to live with memories of their child instead of their child there, with them. Unfortunately, it is reality and I think you and Mike are amazing for not only living through it and finding purpose again, but sharing your journey with the world. If it was me, I don’t think I’d ever get up off the floor again. But you did. You do every day and THAT is why I come back to read your story every day.
Mandy says:
I too, disagree with the email’er. Life just plain sucks sometimes, sometimes more than other times. I think you, Mike, and Annabel are far from depressing… I love the “talking Annie” videos…
Love your blog!
Ann says:
Obviously, they must get their enjoyment from other people ‘s lives – sad! We don’t choose all of the things that happen to us. What we can choose is how we respond. You and Mike faced an unbelievable mountain and chose to climb. You could have stayed in the “valley’ but you chose to see the sky and help others along the way. Good for YOU! Sure there are hard patches along the way and you may even have to back track some. But good for you for keeping on!
Julie says:
Heather – I’m sorry you have to deal with comments like that. I agree – why even tell you that??? Just to add more to your plate???
Anyway – I find your blog inspiring through the sadness. Yes, there is sorrow, there is grief, there is missing your daughter every second of every day…but your blog is also filled with laughter, joy, love, and hope. You and Mike do live for your girls – both of them.
My story was different but it involves loss. Loss of my son and daughther at 22 weeks. The day my life was shattered and I wondered how I would go on. Having to say good bye to them was the worst thing I have ever had to do. I wish I could write like you and express all that I’ve felt and continue to feel. But what I know is so hard to do and you have done so gracefully even when you don’t want to – is to CHOOSE to live. To go on…to love again and risk again…even in the midst of your grief.
Thinking of you….(Hugs).
Momma Uncensored says:
what an incredibly selfish thing to write to someone!!! if anything people should jot a note of support and commend you on actually surviving!!!!
keep writing. especially the hard stuff, its how you heal.
robyn says:
I didn’t read the other comments, but I imagine they all say pretty much the same thing. I read your blog every day because it inspires me. Because it reminds me to appreciate every single moment with my children. Because you have helped me to get to know two wonderful little girls through what you write here. Because your words remind me that the people I meet each day might be struggling in ways I can’t even imagine.
In short, reading your posts each day reminds me that I’m a human being.
Ines says:
Heather – I didn’t start reading your blog until your sweet Maddie passed. I have to tell you that Ihave read your blog everyday since and I think you and Mike are inspirational. Your bravery and honesty take my breathe away. Whenever I think I am taking my life with my son and husband for granted I think of you and your strength to persevere…just thought you should know that…
Alison says:
First, I can’t believe that someone would be so hurtful but I’m sure there are lots of emails that you keep to yourself that would shock many of us even more.
Second, I find your blog to be quite uplifting. There are times when I am sad for you and about what you and Mike and your family live with because it is so very sad to have lost such a beautiful little life. But the strength, courage and determination that you have shown through this blog, through your love for Annie and your family and through the foundation that you started is more than amazing and uplifting.
Thank you.
Ellie says:
Phooey on them. That’s a really insensitive thing to say.
I’m sorry you had a rough day.
Babbalou says:
All of us – if we’re fortunate enough to live long enough – will suffer through many losses, some of them great. That’s simply a fact of life. It’s how you handle the losses and how you carry on afterwards that shows what you’re made from. You’re made from strong stuff, Heather, and you are an inspiration to so many of us. I look at your fabulous photos of Maddie and I swear I have never seen a happier child! She just glows. You’re a really fabulous mother, you took great care of Maddie and made her so happy that photos of her bring joy and laughter to all of us, despite the shortness of her life. You obviously had no control over the length of her life but you did have a lot to do with how happy she was during her time here with us. Heather, you did good. And you’re doing a great job with Annie, she’s a happy little girl as well. I come to your blog the first thing every morning because your light really shines through even when you’re struggling. And your pictures, of course, are fabulous and you’re really a good writer as well. So here’s to the inspirational, multi-talented Heather Spohr. Hip! Hip!
Leslie says:
Your blog is the ONLY one I read EVERYDAY! Why, because you are inspiring and a fabulous and devoted mother to Maddie and Annie.
Becky says:
That person is missing perspective. They are fortunate that life hasn’t given them anything as devastating as you’ve been through. Not only has reading your blog made me fall in love with Maddie (and now Annabel), but it makes me appreciate my own son even when he’s in the midst of a terrible two tantrum. I can imagine myself in your shoes and I can cry with you and when you are upbeat then I can laugh with you as well. You are an inspiration and you are the first blog I read every morning.
Kim says:
Your blog is so far from depressing – it is like a ray of light into any day. Your strength is so inspiring to us all. Thanks again for your honestly and willingness to share.
Jen says:
I don’t find your blog depressing. Sure, your situation is MEGA sad, but you’ve pulled through. You’ve showed the world that it’s possible to carry on with your heart smashed into a million little pieces.
That’s strength.
(((Hugs))) from here!
Valerie says:
My first thought when your blog was called depressing? TRYING to put it in a positive light… I think she/he finds it depressing to be STUCK in a bad place, and not able to move forward. Well, Heather, you could have allowed yourself, and even be justified, in wallowing in a TERRIBLE place, but you have moved forward, and obviously inspired so many. This person is depressed/jealous, because they perhaps have been unwilling/unable to do the same…
Life’s too short— Thanks for showing us the bright side, laughter through the tears, every day!!
Val in Ohiooooooo!
Jen L. says:
Wow. I wonder why in the world someone would feel the need to say that to you? I find your blog very inspiring and also very fun (particularly on Fridays). I don’t like reading about people’s lives that are all sunshine and roses all the time (because you know they’re really not). I like reading about real people and how they handle life’s challenges,whether that be something as catastrophic as losing a daughter or as comparatively simple as figuring out a family budget. Keep doing what you’re doing, Heather. You, Maddie, Mike and Annie touch countless lives every day.
Meg...CT says:
“I haven’t been to your blog in a while because I get so depressed reading about your life.”
Honestly, I think the complete opposite. I am so inspired by your grace and strength as you journey through grief….I am amazed that you are somehow able to rise above the ashes and continue to live your life, with both joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. In the wake of unspeakable pain, you are an inspiration. You are a reminder that life continues to unfold around the grief and we have to find our way through it.
In the wake of our own tragedy, I am inspired and stregthened by your perseverance.
Wishing you peace, love and happiness….
Meg
Shannon says:
Wow, I will never cease to be amazed by some people’s idiocy. Somewhere in the process of sitting down to compose an e-mail, this woman should have realized how cruel and hurtful she was, and just hit “delete.”
I mean, if you don’t like a blog, just don’t read it. Don’t spend time actually sending some hurtful message to the blog’s author. Move on!
(FTR, I do like this blog, and read it every day.)
Fortunately most people in this world are good, it’s just that the idiots sometimes stand out more in our minds. But don’t let the turkeys get you down.
Aliesha says:
I agree that your blog is sometimes hard to read, but that’s what makes it so inspiring to see you and Mike continuing to live through such heartache; continuing to honor your first daughter’s life and throw yourselves into raising your second daughter. Your girls are beautiful, and all of you are an inspiration to keep fighting when life gets hard.
Kristin says:
Wow, I would like to say I’m surprised people send you asshat comments like that but I’ve seen it happen too often. Still, I’m sorry you have to read things like that.
I agree with the commenter who says they find your story inspiring because of what you chose to do with your life after the loss of Maddie.
Nikki says:
Some people suck. Thoroughly.
You are an amazing person doing so much good for others. Don’t ever forget that.
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Lisa says:
It really bothers me that people would take the time to comment or email you directly if that is the only thing they have to say. I mean, really?
The way your have handled yourself, the things you have done since Maddie’s passing are inspiring. And yes, it makes me sad, it makes me cry to read your posts sometimes, but I feel like that’s the least I can do for you. I read everyday just like I have been doing for almost 3 years now, because I love your writing, I love your stories and I love you and your family.
Jordan says:
If anything your blog and family remind me that I need to keep trudging along and stop bitching about insignificant crap. You guys are still here, still keeping’ on. And the fact that you also have a pet named Rigby is awesome (mine is a cat).
Sometimes your posts rock me to the core, especially the ones you seem to write from a deep state of grief. I just say an extra prayer after I read it. At least you’re getting some of these feelings out and not keeping them bottled up inside!
Andrea says:
I’m sorry that you got that comment. I don’t understand why someone would feel that way but even more, I don’t understand why they would think you needed to be alerted to the fact that they were not reading.
I have never found your story or Maddie’s story depressing. It breaks my heart what happened but seeing the light that Maddie brought into this world, even for too short a time, is inspiring and beautiful. And the light that you continue to share, by keeping her in our minds and hearts, is about as far from depressing as it gets. It is strength and courage in action.
Rachel says:
I find your writing awe inspiring. I find myself reading the same posts over and over again like a book you cant put down. I think what you do and how you keep going is amazing, even when it seems impossible, I love that you share with us how you live for Maddie and Annie and yourselves
Ms. Moon says:
You know, I always read, don’t always comment. But when I do, it’s mostly to show you that “we” are still out here, “we” are still wanting very much to share your life with you in this small way, “we” remember Madeline, “we” are so proud of the way you and Mike have managed to get up and live and bring this beautiful new child into the world.
In short, to share in this small way.
Robin says:
I agree with everyone above who said your blog is inspiring. It has inspired me to not sweat the small stuff with my daughter and not to take the little moments for granted. Your post yesterday was very affecting for me. It was in the back of my mind all day long. I really want to be better at telling the people I love how I feel. I’m so sorry you have to live through this but at the same time I’m so happy that you have found the ability to turn a horrible event into something positive. Definitely not depressing!
Laurie says:
Heather –
I don;t comment as often as I should. I try to keep up with you guys on Flickr and FB, but on here, I’m reading, oh yes I am reading, but not commenting enough. I think your site is inspiring. I know you’ve heard it before, but I wanted to say it again and again if I have too. You have been through so much and you and Mike are amazing. When I lost my sister earlier this year and my niece came to live with us, it was tough, but I thought of you and Mike and Maddie and I thought I can do this. I want to be brave and strong and show my niece life is worth living. That it is OK to be happy sometimes, it is OK to be sad sometimes, but most of all it is a must to keep living. I’m proud of you for letting us all be a part of your life. Thank you.
Cindy says:
Well, I read your blog because I enjoy cheering you on. I was so happy when Annabel was born, I felt like I knew you in real life. I read your blog because you let me have some faith in the human spirit because you are surviving the seemingly unsurvivable. Even on your worst days, when I cry over your words, I KNOW you will rebound and go on. The fact that you go forward despite what happened to you means that other people can survive stuff too. And that is all about hope. Oh- and Friends of Maddie is just icing on the cake of all this good stuff. You go on with your bad self.
Thanks, Heather.
Colleen says:
I read your blog every day because it makes me feel good to see how far you have come. You guys are doing great and I am never depressed reading it. I laugh, I cry and I LOVE the pictures of mini-Mike clone, Annie.
keri says:
Heather, I disagree w/the person who sent you that email/left the comment. Personally, I think you’re just the opposite. Your family has faced an unthinkable tragedy with courage and grace. I love checking your blog everyday to read Annie’s latest adventures or glance at pictures of Maddie and reflect and smile.
Keep smiling
keri
Deborah says:
Can you blog often be sad? Yes, of course it can, but that’s because you write with such honesty about the devastation of losing Maddie. I find, however, that for the most part, your blog is uplifting and full of hope! You and your family handle everything with such grace (even though I’m sure it doesn’t feel like that to you sometimes), and I love getting a daily peek into your lives. Don’t let the haters get you down.
(((hugs)))
BedfordMommy says:
Don’t think I’ve commented much before. But I read you daily – you know why? You and your family are an inspiration. Your strength and the dignity in which you have handled one of the worse hands ever dealt is awe inspiring. You have your bad days – we all do. My mother in law who passed away from cancer used to say. If you don’t like your problems – imagine if we all got to toss in our problems into a hat and pick out someone else’s – you’d beg for yours back. It’s so true – we all have our share of sadness – losing my mom suddenly (who raised me by herself and was my best friend) was mine. What you said the other day about going back – I wish I could too. I wish I had the strength to be there as she took her last breath – after we unplugged her – I didn’t have it in me to see her reflexively move/gurgle/open her eyes – or all the other things that didn’t happen but the dr’s said might… so I waited in the waiting room. These are things that haunt and always will -but I find my strength where I can. And you my lovely Heather give me that when I need it. I wish I could do the same for you. Just know somewhere in Bedford NY you have someone who prays for your family and that wishes you all the best in life. Your dear Madeline is known by my family and we love her and miss her too. And as for Miss Annabelle – well we are thrilled to get to know her too. God Bless you and your family Heather.
suzanne says:
That comment reflects on the person who wrote it, not on you. It’s really a sad reaction to an inspiring example of resilience in the face of the unfairness and heartbreak of life — the reality of life. I learn so much from this blog about how to live, and honor those who are no longer living (at least not in the physical sense). Is it sometimes difficult to read? Yes. Sometimes it’s really difficult, just like at times it’s difficult to watch the news, or difficult to see a friend/loved one suffer, or difficult to confront your own problems and make decisions about them. I don’t know why, but I care about your particular story very much, and take a lot of lessons away from your experience. Here’s what’s depressing — people who take all the positive things in their lives for granted, and never try to make a contribution or a difference.
melissa says:
There are days my heart breaks for you or tears run down my face reading your blog, but never once, have I found it depressing. I don’t know how you get up some mornings, but your courage and humor above all else is what keeps me coming back. If the person who found it depressing read more often, perhaps they would see the full story! Your girls are beautiful, I love reading the new and old memories and are glad you share them.
cindy w says:
I don’t get people. Why would someone say something like that? How do they expect you to respond? I mean, *IF* someone missed out on something major in your life that was announced on your blog, and they didn’t know about it because they hadn’t been reading, why not just say, “Oh sorry, I haven’t read your site in a while because I’ve been busy.” Why say something to make you feel, what, guilty? Ashamed? WHAT IS THE POINT OF A STATEMENT LIKE THAT??
Gah. Some people suck. But you know that already.
angi says:
I didn’t read all the other comments but I did have one thing I wanted you to know. I know that this is an inspiring blog. I know that your love and pain are what make you who you are: a caring mother, a loving wife, an amazing friend, and an inspiring writer. What makes me happiest about this post…is that I can see that somewhere, on some days, you know that, too. Love to you, Heather.
Shannon says:
I read your blog every day and it encourages me. What you’ve been through is something that none of us want to experience. But you let us know that you are still living no matter how difficult it is. And I love that Maddie will never be forgotten. I know I will never forget her. She is close to the age of my youngest son, and I think of her so often. I hope the loss of your beautiful daughter will make so many of us better parents. Thank you for being honest about your feelings.
If you didn’t talk about how you feel, someone else would criticize you and say that you didn’t love your daughter enough. There is no pleaseing everyone. Some people can be cruel, but so many others love you and your family. I know that Maddie would be so very proud of you!
Mary says:
Heather,
I’m sorry someone could not see that your blog is not depressing. Perhaps they are in a bad place in their own life right now. If so, I feel for them and wish them well.
Your blog (and your life) shows all of us how fragile life is. Teaches us to treasure each moment and to have fun (how can Annie’s videos possibly qualify as depressing???). Shows us how a marriage can sustain such a cruel blow.
You and Mike offer hope to other parents out there who are facing or will face what you are dealing with: difficult pregnancies, premature births, the loss of a child, moving forward in spite of (or because of) these. I know that if I lost my own child, I would love having this blog to look to for understanding. To know that my grief and anger are normal. And okay.
And while you do touch on your sadness, your loss, you also celebrate the joy that Maddie brought and Annie brings. You show us all that we can keep going even when it seems too hard. That we can make something beautiful and inspiring out of something tragic.
That’s not depressing. That’s wonderful.
Shelley V says:
I feel like I’m signing a high school yearbook when I say…don’t change Heather, stay yourself. Keep this blog real. It’s the genuine article.
Candice says:
What a rotten thing to say to someone!
I know what they might have meant, but that is not the right way to show. Sometimes I get depressed after reading your blog, many times from ol.d blogs. A few weeks ago I was missing Maddie (crazy I know) so I started looking through pictures and it led me to re-reading old blogs until I found myself so pissed at the universe for taking sweet Maddie. Then I had nightmares and was depressed for a few days. Someone tell me I am not crazy.
Anyway, it SO was not your LIFE that depressed me, it was that UNFAIR things happen in the world.
I hope I stated it a bit better than that other person and I didn’t not make it worse!!
Deb Hauer says:
depressing? NO WAY! I do not find this site depressing WHAT-SO-EVER! I know what you and Mike went through is enough to take anyone out but this site being described as depressing? Like O-M-G! Those folks should find something better to do. I come to your site daily because this is a journey you are on. I like the way a fellow blogger described his journey – he isn’t “over” what happen”, he is more moving through as this is an active process. I have faced many tragedies myself in life and when moving through something like this you will have good days and bad days. It is part of the process. I actually find your site to be a source of encouragement. When you have your bad days you make it known but you also bring out the stories of how you move through the day and move through the process called grief. I am assuming your commenter has never faced something as tragic as you have. For that I am thankful because I am sure you feel the same way I do that I wouldn’t wish a tragic event upon anyone. So be proud of the work you do because I am sure there are more people out there reading this blog that you help than the number of people that feel otherwise. It is good to share our experiences….both good and bad…..so we can learn from each other. For that THANK YOU! Keep on with your work Heather, you make a difference in my life!
tonya says:
In not knowing what to say, people say the absolute most IDIOTIC things. Not that I have to tell you this. When I lost my father to cancer, I did not handle it well. Some of my closest friends and even family members checked out on me. Virtually disappeared. And my thoughts were like yours. How nice! I’m sad and you can’t handle it, so you get to walk away. Cool! Thanks for the support! Hope life never throws you a curveball! Maybe I’ll see you again when I don’t depress YOU!
Anyway, as so many others have already commented, I couldn’t feel more differently about your blog. It’s tragic. It’s triumphant. It’s strength. It’s LIFE. Some days I cry. Some days I smile. Some days I crack up and shake my head at your silliness. Every day I am amazed and inspired by your strength. Every day I say a little prayer for you. Keep doing what you’re doing. There are so very many of us out here who love you.
Terri says:
Your blog makes me laugh.. you are hysterical Heather and I love reading about your life because alot of times its pretty darn entertaining. Im so glad you didnt stop blogging and I’m so glad you kept on LIVING because that’s what Maddie would have wanted for her parents. Real life is pretty darn depressing sometimes, maybe that person is just in their own fog right now and can’t see the good for the bad.
Becky says:
I’m just the opposite. I read your blog to be inspired by you. Your strength and humor amaze me every day!
karen says:
That’s an odd comment… because as you said.. yes, very tragic- Maddie’s passing… however, you are a family who stayed together, moved forward, are now raising a beautiful baby girl, show much happiness and joyful moments… you’ve proven that even in the shadow of tremendous loss, there is renewal and hope and …LIFE!…
feefifoto says:
Depressing? No. Saddening? Sometimes. What keeps me, and so many other readers, coming back, I suppose, is your family’s relentless optimism and activism, along with your fierce devotion to friends and family.
Keep writing — your blog is one of the first I turn to every morning.
Jodie Brooks says:
Where is the ‘Like’ button when you need one. I agree with every comment on here. I read you blog EVERYDAY because you are real. You are an inspiration to some many people because of you strength and grace. You’re pretty freakin’ funny too! Keep it up, Heather!!
Susan says:
Hi, Heather,
Okay, I’m confused about something…why do people tell you that your blog is “depressing?” I come to read your blog each morning because it is inspirational for me. Yes, losing Maddie made me literally sob out loud at my computer…many times. I felt your grief as if she were a child I’d held once upon a time. But seeing how you and Mike have persevered and have worked so hard on Friends of Maddie have lifted me up and made me wonder about the spirit you two must have to keep going on. And then the joy of watching Annie’s videos…well I can’t even tell you how much they amuse me! I laugh and end up humming some of the music that you will have posted that week, and it just cheers me so. Depressing she says??? So NOT depressing! You are an amazing woman and an excellent mother! I don’t even know you but am so proud of you for letting everyone know about Maddie and now for sharing Annabel with us! Just know that there are so many of us who come to your blog for the kind of inspiration you give…and yes, we are here praying for you when the load of losing your precious baby girl gets too much for you to bear. Keep it up, girl! You make me smile!!!
Lessons in Life and Light says:
Um, the fact that someone would even take the time to actually write that out and then send it to you?
DOUCHEBAG.
The End.
Shelly says:
Good for you! You’re exactly right about everything you say in this post-you and Mike and all of your family and friends make a brave, amazing choice each day to do what you do in Maddie’s memory. I can’t imagine what it is like to lose a child but I could see how easy it would be to fall apart & stay in bed all day long. You’re living through the depression, not succumbing to it, and making a hugely positive difference in this world. Hopefully people will stop leaving negative comments like that!
Susan says:
i don’t think the person who emailed you really “gets” you and the journey that you’ve traveled. the ups & downs….how you continue to struggle & survive day after day. it’s just incredible, not depressing. yes, you’ve been *depressed*, duh!! who wouldn’t be!! i, for one, thank you for sharing your struggle with depression. i haven’t lost a child, but i do struggle with depression. so, i have that in common with you and can relate to that part of your life. i am also a mother and can only imagine the pain you go through on a daily basis. my daily visits to your blog have enriched my life in a way i can’t explain. seeing the bright, shining faces of your children is uplifting….NOT depressing!!!
keep up the wonderful work heather!!
susan
Shellie says:
Hi again. I comment very infrequently – usually when something gets me going enough that I feel I just have to say something. I have a six-year old daughter who was born at 26 weeks and her twin sister was stillborn. I wanted more children desperately but wasn’t able to have them.
I started reading your blog the day after Maddie died, and at the time, I was reading five or six other blogs. These days, I pretty much just read your blog, and I read it every day, one of the first things after I get my daughter to school. Because I think your life is beautiful. That may sound odd to some, probably even to you, but it is true. I think your life is beautiful. Very sad in significant ways, but very beautiful. Your girls are beautiful. You and Mike are beautiful, amazing, parents. Your love for your daughters is beatiful and just inspiring. Your parents are beautiful, and their love for you and Mike and your daughters is beautiful. And they must have been amazing parents to have raised you. The fun that you and Mike seem to approach life with is contagious and just incredible, given the pain that you have been through and still live with. I know that you both still feel depressed (probably more than we all know), but I think your life is beautiful. And you have chosen to make it so. You’ve done a great job – for both of your girls, and for yourselves.
Shellie
J+1 says:
You know, even if I thought your blog was too depressing (which I don’t), why in the world would I e-mail and tell you that? Seriously.
I agree with the “douchebag” comment above. I would also say “douchnozzle,” because that word cracks me up.
Jamie says:
Shame on that person. You are inspiring, not depressing. I doubt that person could handle all that you have been through with your grace.
Rumour Miller says:
I agree, you are living. Madeline lives on because of you.
Kelly says:
People can be so stupid. I think that’s about all I have to say. I’m sorry that you even had to read such drivel.
Stacey says:
I don’t understand why they felt the need to email you or even continue coming back to your blog if they feel that way… It is after all, your outlet for your thoughts that you graciously allow others to read so they can realize they are not alone. I do think some of your stories are sad (not depressing), but you have had a lot of traumatic events happen in your life. I do not judge you for them or how you choose to overcome them, but hope and pray you continue to go forward in a positive way for you and your family. Continue to do what feels right.
lauren says:
Heather,
People are strange and tactless. And selfish. Ignore them. I just wanted to say to you that I admire your strength and your outlook on life. I am so so sorry that Maddie is no longer here. When I first started reading your blog it was just after Maddie passed. I was going thru a period of the mommy blues where I was just in a really bad funk and having trouble dealing with my child. YOUR COURAGE and LOVE for your child made me realize how lucky I was and grateful I should be and how I should enjoy every miniute with her. It changed my whole outlook (well that and a boatload of therapy) I am so sorry that you have to go thru what you are going thru but it is your voice, blogging and will to live that inspire people. Maddie and Annie are very lucky to have you and to have the opportunity to have such a wonderful life and it is because you make it so.
Susan says:
Some people don’t know when to keep it to themselves.
I find you inspiring- Thank you
Alyssa says:
Whom ever wrote that obviously wasn’t thinking very clearly. There is nothing depressing about what you write or the way you write it.
What is depressing and empowering all at once about your blog is the awareness it gives us all about how fleeting life is. It makes us look at our children and know we could easily be in your shoes. No one likes to think about that. But it also gives us the ability to at our children with a little more gratitude and hold them a little more tightly. If some people don’t want to deal with the reality of those facts, it may very well be depressing.
You choose to make it empowering and I choose to accept that from you.
Kenna says:
Like so many others have already said, your blog is just the opposite!! Even my kids have taken now to asking if there’s another funny Annie video up (AND they want to know why we never did anything funny like that for them!).
And the rest of it? You are REAL, and that’s why I keep coming back to read. Well… that, and the crazy videos.
Don’t ever stop.
Elizabeth says:
I agree with previous comments, I find your blog inspiring.
Tamara says:
Wow, inspiring is the EXACT word I was thinking when I read what you wrote…inspiring, not depressing. Turns out a lot of other readers feel the same way!
Everyone has parts of their lives that are depressing…but that’s life! If someone isn’t able to ‘handle’ your depressing parts, then that’s their problem. And you’re right…lucky for them that they can take a break!
Definitely inspiring…
mama_k says:
more than anything, saying something like that is really insulting. first of all, you’re not on this earth primarily to entertain us (although you do a damn good job of it). and seriously, what would she like for you to do about how you’re feeling? wave a wand and bring maddie back? (like that wish has never been wished a million times)
secondly, depression is a pretty healthy response to some of the things that have happened to you. although she’s not talking about depression as a mental health issue, she’s just calling you names here…it’s still normal. and like you said, you’re not sitting around marinating in woe – you are doing PLENTY MORE than many other people do who have experienced less. at the same time, you’re being honest about the days that are shitty and for that, i am grateful. shitty days are normal, too!
thirdly, it’s your blog and you can cry if you want to. so readers, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. and certainly keep your judgments and your sweeping pronouncements to yourself. we don’t care. oh, and don’t read blogs of real-life people if you don’t want to live in the real world, where some of us prefer to reside. there are other things to read – they’re called fantasy and fiction – try those. because in real life, things can be depressing and difficult, but beautiful, thought-provoking and inspiring too. thank you for all of it, heather.
Nicole says:
I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t visit your blog because it is painful to read. But that’s mostly because it reminds me of my own grieving, and well, you know. You want to get away from it, but you can’t, because it’s yours. Finding your blog has helped me in so many ways, even though I don’t really comment. But until I found it, I felt very, very alone in grieving. I lost my best friend, soul sister, joined at the hip since kindergarten at a time when all my other friends were going away to college and having fun. Grief groups I’d joined all had people much, much older than me . . . anyway, your loss is different than mine. But I think it resonates with me because it also happened during a time when you were transitioning (though from young couple to parents, not high schooler to co-ed). Anyway, I’m kind of rambling. Point is, please keep writing. It helps me on my darker days, so I know it’s helped a tremendous amount of other people too. Thank you for being strong enough to share.
Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts says:
Perhaps I’m in a snarky mood, but I think your proposed (and graciously witheld) retort seems perfectly appropriate. Whoever wrote that to you doesn’t seem to have your best interest at heart and I’m sorry they wrote it. You show up here every day and it’s inspiring to thousands upon thousands of us. Please don’t take the nay-sayers to heart.
Katherine says:
Depressing? Oh yes, like the blog post you wrote about the heat wave and Annie accidentally exposing your boobs to the frat boys. Hmm, maybe it was depressing that they didn’t offer you a beer?
Seriously, some people should not be allowed to send email, ar least not without some kind of big “are you sure you really want to send that message?” feature on their computers.
Adara says:
Please please please keep writing with honesty! I find your blog uplifting, real, and yes, sometimes so real it makes me tear up…but that is why I read. I am not sure if this is the right way to put it but I also find comfort in knowing that I am not the only one who goes through pain, emptiness, and sometimes depression. Life can be hard, but it can also be simply wonderful. If one is to write an honest blog and share their story, then that is what it should be, honest. I am one who sugar coats my blog and your’s make me realize that it is ok to share hardships and get support! It is ok to be honest! Keep doing what your are doing as there are so many that support this blog by reading it…and more important, they support you and your family!
Cheers! And keep your chin up!
Adara
Christine says:
I will never understand how some people think things like this are okay to say. I will admit that in the last seven weeks I haven’t been visiting as much because we lost my sister in law (26) and then my sister’s best friend that I’ve known for twenty years (27) in that period. And it wasn’t because your blog was depressing. I don’t find it so. It’s because to see Maddie’s face and to think that she wasn’t here either just enraged me. I was so angry with the unfairness of it all.
I won’t understand it, I still can’t, but I’m getting to a place where at least I can see things and smile than not.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your grief, joy and the beauty of your every day with us. You are very brave to put up with some of these people.
Smoochagator says:
For every person that doesn’t want to read your “depressing” blog, there are dozens of us who read it because we’re encouraged by the way you and Mike have continued to live and love and give in spite of the horrible thing that happened to you.
I also read for the pics of Annie and Rigby. I mean, WHO CAN LIVE WITHOUT ALL THAT CUTENESS? I can’t.
Susan says:
I have to confess that one person has said the same thing to me, regarding what they see of your blog. I don’t agree AT ALL. I don’t find you depressing in the least. I love your blog, and your maturity is something I try to maintain in my own life.
That one person I mentioned earlier, in my opinion, has said on a number of occasions that they couldn’t handle something of this degree happening to them. The very idea seems overwhelming, so I do not think that they’re judging your blog; rather, they are projecting their own feelings instead, and that is what makes them feel depressed. Your blog is quite uplifting and cheerful.
I think people who find your blog depressing are simply wrapped up in their own comprehension of the situation, and they don’t know how to handle it. It might sound cliche, but it’s not you, it is entirely them.
Also, the person you mentioned in your blog post said they hadn’t read your blog in a while; they haven’t even really bothered to see how happy you frequently are in your posts, your funny Annabel videos, the things you come across/happen with you that are funny (like your “Over Exposed” post). It’s spoken out of ignorance. They literally don’t entirely know what they’re talking about.
Anywho, that’s just my two cents; although you probably figured out most of what I’ve said by now. I have read your blog everyday, and I look forward to any of your future posts, the ups or the downs.
Lola says:
I get depressed when I read your blog sometimes too but its not because the blog is depressing, or your life is depressing… its because.. you’re AWESOME, you and Mike are amazing people.
I guess what I am tryign to say is you give me hope, and your story is one of the most encouraging stories I have ever read.. When I have a bad day I think “hey if Heather can live through something as awful as she did and not give up I have no excuse” so thank you for that!
DesignHER Momma says:
Not depressing, more like inspiring.
You are writing about reality, and sugarcoating every moment wouldn’t be real.
If all people want is happy, they should stay off the internet and rent some Christmas specials or something.
Aisha says:
Your blog is amazing! I love that you keep it real and show us that sometimes in life we get depressed and at other times we can be happy and that it’s okay, it’s normal, it’s as you said LIFE! I have never been in a situation like yours, but through reading your blog I have learned to understand it a bit more and I can see that there are people out there who need this. You have helped me in ways that I can’t even describe so for those who don’t like it or don’t get it, well there are a million more who do!
Megan says:
Honestly, the only thing I find “depressing” about your blog is the idiotic and cruel things people say to you sometimes. Makes me lose a little faith in humanity. But reading about you and your family restores it. Your posts are funny and sad and happy and painful, but NOT depressing, never.
Trisha Vargas says:
Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. The fact that you and Mike have even mustered up enough strength to continue to get out of bed everyday inspires me. Your writing is life inspiring and so raw and real.
You have good days and you have really bad days, and that’s okay. I’ll take the days of writing from you any way I can get them because it reminds me constantly that life is precious and that one moment can change you in an instant.
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me feel…
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Debbie says:
What a ridiculous thing to say to you, that person has no tact. Who cares how she feels about reading your blog? She can choose not to read rather than send such a thoughtless comment. What are you supposed to do, pretend everything is fine?
I read your blog because I find it encouraging that although you have experienced something truly horrific, your family has found a way to carry on. I’m not so naive as to think that a similar tragedy could never happen to me, so a part of me is reading to bolster myself against life’s storms. If you can survive and thrive in spite of your pain and devastation, then I can, too, no matter what happens in my life.
So, I agree with commenters above – your blog is inspiring, not depressing. If someone can only feel depressed after reading, they need to take a long hard look at their coping mechanisms, their own problems, and their need to make everything about themselves.
Pamala says:
I’m a bit confused as to what exactly is depressing? I mean yes the fact that your daughter passed away is extremely sad, but like you said you didn’t give up and frankly a lot of joyous stuff is happening for you so how is that depressing? Shouldn’t that be inspirational? Kind of odd. It’s weird that people would expect you not to ever talk about your daughter and what happened. It’s part of you and bound to be talked about. It certainly isn’t something that should be never talked about.
momof2 says:
Hm, I think there’s a difference between calling someone’s blog depressing and saying that life is depressing. Yes, life is depressing and totally sucks sometimes. And it’s wonderful and uplifting at other times. So I’d just say that it’s best to reread your emails and posts and make sure you’re saying what you really mean.
But, playing devil’s advocate, I guess I’d also have to say if you are opening yourself up to the world by chronicling your life on the web, you have to be prepared for some crazy, mean, off-base comments. I don’t know how many private hurtful emails are sent, but in general the comments here that I read are very civil, friendly, and supportive. I don’t think I’d keep reading if it weren’t a healthy place to be.
Aimee says:
Man people can really be insensitive assholes can’t they?
Your life isn’t depressing Heather, it is inspirational. It makes us all stop and think, and take NOTHING for granted! Plus–I mean how AMAZING and AWESOME is it that so many lives have been touched by Maddie’s! Your blog has surely saved other grieving Moms, and changed lives. So : Dear person who wrote that to Heather, please let me introduce my middle finger to you. Back off Jack, or at least get your sensitivity button installed.
And besides all that inspiration… DUDE you are freaken hilarious. And ANNIE ALONE would make anyone smile!
Kirsten says:
I have never found your blog boring or depressing. I’ve felt sad at times, yes, but wouldn’t say I’ve ever been made depressed. On the contrary, I find it amazing you can still find the heart to write when you feel so much pain. At the same time, I’m so glad you’ve shared your life with me. I’ve loved watching Annie grow up. You’ve inspired me to keep going. I lost my father and your blog kept me going. I look at your gorgeous daughters and I’m reminded that I can still keep my dream of having a baby alive, through all the hardships I may face.
Thank you for your words. Thank you for sharing. I hope you find many more positive comments on your blog than negative ones.
Caroline says:
Both you and Sheye Rosemeyer (also one who has dealt with the death of a daughter): http://sheyerosemeyer.com/blog
Are some of the most inspiring people I have ever read! Really truly beautiful words and images of your life. Inspiring.
Kristin says:
I have never once found your blog depressing. Sad at times yes, but come on when isn’t everyones life a little sad. But NEVER depressing. You and Mike, and Maddie, Annabel, and Rigby. You are all an inspiration to me. You live through the pain, you tell your stories, which I love to hear. And that someone could even say they are depressed by your life that takes balls whoever you are. That you could tell someone who has lived through such a terrible life event, you don’t even know the half of depressed I bet. Think before you speak next time, or keep your trap shut. Anyway keep blogging the good the bad and the ugly, and ignore those ignorant people. You are an inspiration to many!! Thank you for sharing your life, and beautiful daughters with us all!!
Christine says:
Heather, I don’t find your blog depressing at all. Sometimes it’s sad but most of the time it simply brightens my day. You and your family are truly an inspiration. If you guys can smile, make silly videos, and enjoy life, then the rest of us can as well, right?
Kristin says:
Yes, sometimes your posts are sad. Tragic. Life-altering. Tear-jerking. But they are real. And they are just as real as the funny, Laugh-out-Loud, and silly posts. Its all who you are. I find you to be very down-to-earth, tell-it-like-it-is, witty, emotional, and loving. You are an inspiration of how humans can go thru such tragic times in their lives yet, still go on, still find happiness, still find love, still find reason to be.
I hope that instead of finding your blog depressing, that people that have never faced such rough times can come away with the ability to have a bit of empathy. We don’t have to fully UNDERSTAND or say we’ve been there, but just to share in your ups and downs.
Alison says:
Sometimes, I ache for you guys. I miss Maddie, even though I never met her. I can’t imagine the pain you live with.
But I am made glad again when I see how wonderfully Annie is doing, how you and Mike have each other, how much love you have for your children (furry and not furry). I don’t find this blog depressing. Pain, grief, and loss are all a part of life, and you write about life honestly.
xoxo
giselle says:
Heather,
I, like many of the people that commented before me, do not agree with that email at all. I think you have been dealt a very difficult hand in life, but so have a lot of other people. What IS different is how you have chosen to react and how you have turned Maddie’s life into such a meaningful cause and done so much good for others. And how you cope everyday and keep living and continue to stay grateful for what you DO have.
I just think you’re inspiring and amazing (so’s Mike, btw). Annabel and Maddie are both incredibly lucky to have the set of parents they have (and Rigby, who could replace Rigby??). I think you should continue to be so proud of yourself because you have accomplished so much more than any of us could even dream of of accomplishing in a lifetime.
I wish I could say I know you IRL, but I am proud to say I know you through your blog when I sometimes share bits of your story with my friends or other people I meet.
Thank you for sharing with us, but more than anything, thank you for being you and for giving so much to all your readers.
Mary says:
Clearly that person misssed the one about your trip to Washington and going commando. Maybe you could reply by sending a link to that post? I laughed the entire way through that one.
PattyB says:
Well said, Heather. I couldn’t agree more.
amy says:
I have read every single one of your posts since Maddie has past. I keep coming back because I am in awe of your drive & spirit, and the way you are able to express your feelings. You have a strength about you I only wish I could muster.
I am so sorry that a comment (which was not very well thought out) ended up in your inbox. This is *your* space on the internet. If you want to scream, and cry, and rage about the hideous injustice in this world, then you go right ahead.
..and I will be here to listen, and hopefully offer a supportive comment.
All my love to your beautiful family
xoxo
catherine lucas says:
It baffles me… OK, the message was maybe not fun to get and hard to understand, on another note, I can see that this person wanted or could have wanted to say that she lives with and feels pain when reading about Maddie…
One of the above commenters calls the person a jerk, and that is not fair.
It’s a comment, there is no body language, you can’t see the tears or the smiles, why not try to see grey instead of black and white.
We are all here because we love and loved Maddie and her family, but it bothers me highly that because of an ackward word choice someone gets shot… Not all people have an exact knowledge of the right things to say… I want to plead for a bit of understanding or at least trying to see it a bit wider then the naked words…
Amanda says:
Before I begin: I like this blog, and, for the record, find it inspiring. I also find it sad and thought-provoking.
That being said: what I find SAD is that so many comments here have to resort to calling the e-mailer ‘s comment “stupid” and “ignorant” as well as name-calling. Just because you don’t agree with the comment about how the E-MAILER feels doesn’t mean her/his comments are “wrong” or “right”. The e-mail said “I get depressed…”
I feel that that e-mailer, while confessing that s/he found the blog as “depressing”, was perhaps trying to say that s/he is scared to find her/himself in a similar situation…and feels that perhaps s/he is scared of the unknown. Maybe this person is frightened of death, and of cancer, and of illness. That they may not prove as strong in this type of situation. That s/he doesn’t understand why God would take a precious baby away. Try using some insight.
Not everyone reacts to the same situation the same way. This person is FEELING something, and for some reason, chose to e-mail his/her thoughts to Heather-just because it’s not all sunshine and roses doesn’t mean they’re “stupid”, or that their comment is stupid.
We will never know WHY the e-mail was sent or its intention unless we personally communicate with the person that sent it.
/No, I am NOT the e-mailer.
//Reading this blog may trigger depression in some people because they are not the same as you.
///am happy that most of the people commenting GET THIS
Becky says:
It’s not depressing AT ALL. I’ve said many times that y’all inspire me SO much in so many ways. I hate that people send emails like that to you…what’s the point?
Ania says:
Just so you know, you’ve made this reader a better mama. So, thank you. :o)
Rach says:
Yeah, because learning how to french twist my hair and watching movies of Annabel is, like, totally depressing.
Karen says:
I rarely comment, but couldn’t let this one go by. I read your blog frequently and find it inspiring. You’ve handled tragedy in an amazing and inspiring, yet honest and realistic way. I haven’t read the other comments but I’m sure plenty of others have said the same!
Julie says:
Clearly this person and all the others that leave these comments have never had to endure your daily walk with grief. We were avoided like the plague by some when we lost our son. Who needs them! You are wonderful, strong and an amazing mother. I wish I had your ability to share my thoughts and feelings. Take their comments for what they are worth, NOTHING!!
nona says:
It seems to me like the person who emailed you has their own problems, but they aren’t aware that it is their affected perspective that is coloring their reactions to things like your blog.
I don’t think there is any way you can or should be responsible for this stranger’s mental state. I’m sorry they’re trying to put blame on you. Your blog is amazing. I think it covers pretty much every emotion, because you are being so open about your life. I choose to read it, and while I’m reading it, I empathize with you… and sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, etc. but then I go on with my own life and I don’t base my moods around your blog.
And, the thing is, this comment could be from, like, a 12-year-old who just doesn’t know better.
But, from your standpoint, I do understand how easy it is to focus on one piece of negative feedback. Especially if you were already feeling knocked down by other crappy news.
Mindy says:
I read your blog everyday because you make me a better Mommy & a better person in general- Thank you!
Maybe next time you get an email like that, you can email them back this link and let them read all these comments for themself!
Colleen says:
Hi.
Did that person not see that you proposed to a refrigerator? Seriously?
Other people can suck it.
Hugs.
-c
Michelle H. says:
While you have been through many, many hard things, I find your blog inspiring. Sad things do happen, but how you go on and share your tragedy in efforts to help others is amazing. Please keep sharing!
Tracy says:
Some people are such asshats. I can’t begin to understand why in the world anyone would send you an e-mail saying that…even if that’s the way they really feel. What happened to “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.” ????
You, Heather, are a MUCH better person than I. I would have told the moron to go get fucked with something blunt and sandpaper like WHILE READING SOMEONE ELSES BLOG.
Bethany says:
I find your blog (and life) to be inspirational. You’ve gone through something most people couldn’t even fathom and you’ve come out the other side determined to do good for others.
Chrisie says:
I wish people weren’t such idiots. Why don’t people think before they speak (or type)? I read your blog everyday, and it does make me sad, but it also helps me remember Maddie, and Maddie makes me smile. She was so beautiful.
I read everyday. (((HUGS)))
sweetyjade says:
I love reading your blog everyday. I found it through my sisters blog, I love seeing your pictures and no one should say it’s depressing. You are living your life and have the courage to share with the rest of the world.
Suzanne says:
Some people are too shallow to handle the truth of reality. It isn’t always happy and perfect. You are honest. You share the good and the bad and I myself am thankful to be able to read about your journey.
Amie says:
Perhaps the commenter would have been better served using another word; perhaps they are the type of people who don’t dwell on the negative/bad (though I don’t know how you do that!); perhaps they have no kids; perhaps they have perfect lives… perhaps they are just crazy.
But depressing??? Sometimes sad, yes; sometimes painful, yes; sometimes crazy, yes; sometimes emotional, yes.
I have been reading your blog for a while as well & can see the real struggle you’ve had. It’s a true testament that you have the willpower & support to get up & fight that good fight. When they have been in your position, then maybe they will know what ‘depressing’ really is.
Dianna says:
I’ve been a long time reader but have never really commented because I feel like I don’t have anything of value to say. I can’t believe someone would say they get depressed reading about your life. You are real with your emotions and there is NOTHING wrong with that. I’m close to your age and a mom of 2 boys and I can only begin to imagine what you go through on a daily basis. You seem so strong and there is nothing wrong with writing about how you feel.
charlene says:
When you are down I pray for you….I love reading your blog…the sad and the glad….I am with you.. about people like that…don”t understand them…keep writing you have a lot to share and it will help someone out their.
E says:
I read your blog everyday and I don’t find it depressing. I find it real. It shows your strength to continue on and the struggle it can be to plaster a smile on your face sometimes. But the pure joy you find in your daughter Annabel and pure love in your words when you talk about Madeline are uplifting, they make my heart smile
Nicole says:
Ugh. And the point of such an e-mail is? Ignore it, Heather. Mike and you are survivors of a terrible experience and you’re trying to make the best of it. For what it’s worth, I really love your blog ?
stephanie says:
i read your blog because it does the opposite. it lifts my spirits & reminds me that even when unimaginable tragedy strikes, you & mike have found a way to live & to remember maddie’s memory in the best way while creating new ones with annabel
Wallydraigle says:
Reading your blog often breaks my heart. I see you pictures of beautiful little Maddie, and I can’t even begin to imagine that’s she’s gone. And I never even knew her!
But that sadness makes me treasure my own daughters even more. I had a really tough morning with my older daughter today. She’s two. She’s discovering she has a will, and a strong one at that. But no matter how much she infuriates me, I know that if she were no longer here, I’d give anything to have her back, even if she were at her worst. Your story helps me keep these things in perspective.
Yes, it’s a sad story. Unbearably sad. But it’s also inspiring and uplifting, in a strange way. I don’t think you should ever stop writing about her here.
If ever I have a day when I can’t handle reading here, I can just click away and come back some other time. And I will definitely keep coming back.
Kristin says:
Amen. Your blog is inspiring, funny, full of strength, happy, sad, graceful, emotional, real, hopeful… many adjectives, but not one of which is depressing.
P.S. I think your response would have been apropos. A comment like that deserves an answer like that.
Kim says:
That makes no sense to me. I would describe your blog as the opposite. Your hair tutorial videos are awesome and informative, the Annie videos are adorable and funny, and your writing is what brings me back here.
Shannon says:
I am delurking to tell you that I feel your blog is quite the opposite. You are an inspiration to us all and your blog is a reminder that there are ways to move forward even when all you want to do is crawl in a hole and cry. You are living your life with the strength and courage I only wish I could muster. If someone finds that depressing than they clearly have no idea what it truly means to be depressed…
Heather says:
I recently stumbled on your blog a few months ago. I check back because I think that your blog is fabulous, and all of your photos make me smile. This is so far from depressing that its ridiculous. =)
Karen says:
I find your blog full of great love in every single post.
Christine says:
People can be such assholes. I’d write back and tell her to suck an egg!
Rebecca says:
The first thing I do when I get home from work and get on the computer is check your blog to get a good laugh, a good cry or just a big smile. (Well actually I check my FB page first to make sure my kids are behaving. That’s what happens when they let you be their “friend” on FB. You can spy). Anyway, I’m sorry people send you depressing e-mails like that. You know the old saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say . . .” I wish more people would take that to heart. Piss on them! Whoops. I should practice what I preach.
Tara-Lynn says:
Ouch! A little harsh, I think. I don’t find your blog depressing….yes, it makes me sad sometimes when I see pictures of your beautiful Maddie and know that you lost her, but I admire you and Mike so much for how you are cherishing her memory. I am in awe of your courage for sharing with us, and even for having another baby. I am sure there were times that you just wanted to go hide, but you didn’t. You are just keeping on, and keeping Maddie’s memory alive. Far from depressing.
Mary says:
What a twat. Your blog is so inspirational to me. When I am having a pity party for myself, I think, “Heather went through all that and is still a rockstar. Suck it up, self, and get over it.” Not to mention, Maddie has been my total inspiration to memorize all these infectious diseases this module (of med school). Keep up the wonderful happy and sad posts. They are all beautiful.
p.s. I am wearing the latest hair style you posted! Perfect for keeping my not long enough bangs out of my face without a clip! I did it wet this morning, and it has lasted all day!
sheryl says:
I come to your site daily because you inspire me. The worst thing a parent can ever imagine, happened to you, and you didn’t let it destroy you, I know your pain is beyond anything I can imagine, I got just a glimpse of that pain when my youngest daughter was dangerously sick as a baby. I admire your courage and strength, the love that you continue to show Maddie and the wonderful life you are giving Annie. You are amazing people and an inspiration to us all.
Maggie G says:
I seriously pull SO much strength from you and that is why I come back to read this blog every day.
Jenn says:
The saying “If you can’t say anything nice, then you shouldn’t say anything at all” should really extend to the internet. If I don’t like a blog, I quietly click the ‘x’ and go on my way.
Tara says:
Ugh.
Mean People Suck!
I find that odd. I never feel depressed when I read your blog. I laugh a lot. I smile a lot. Sometimes a cry with you and want to hug you tightly and say something magical that will make all that awful go away. I know that’s impossible and I’m in constant awe of how you and Mike have moved forward. Not ON, just forward. But never depressed and I know that’s not just me.
What a jerk!
gillian says:
I think you rock..Annabel and Maddie rock too!
Sara says:
Wow.
Some people. Like they are being FORCED to click and read.
Jerks.
Get this…friends of ours has a daughter who is in the middle of a bone marrow transplant.
http://www.careforanabella.blogspot.com
She was born with a rare skin disorder, and a BMT was a chance to live a longer, healthier life. Anyway, her big sister was the donor. The family is approaching DAY 100, with no end in sight. They’ve been away from home (here in CA) at a Ronald McDOnald house in MN.
Someone left THIS comment on their blog:
“Poor Bella. It is really unfair to be forced to live a childhood like hers. I wonder how long her small heart and lungs are able to cope with the extra load. Is there any evidence that her brains are working like they should after all this? It is simply so sad for her – and for her sister, too. ”
Can you believe the nerve????
God bless all of you for dealing with people like that!
Courtney says:
I don’t find your blog depressing…I find it to be a celebration of the lives of two very beautiful little girls. And I’m glad you share so much of yourself here. I think it’s an excellent tool for those who might be going through something similar – and it’s a constant reminder for me not to take what I have for granted.
Gwen says:
Personally, I have never found yout blog or Mike’s to be depressing in the slightest, even when you blog about your grief. Your posts about Maddie whether it’s about a memory or the soul wrenching longing to hold/play/love her are real and touching. Your Annie gives me hope and inspiration and I remember saying, “thank god for this, that baby will see them through the dark” when you announced your pregnancy with Annabel.
It’s funny, I share various posts with my other half and if I say, “Heather Spohr” I’m met with a blank look and “Who?” but when I clarify, “Annie and Maddie’s mom” he knows immediately who I am talking about.
Emails like the one you got anger me *for* you because you should feel free to cry, vent, ease your soul on your own blog, not feel you have to turn that frown upside down for your readers. It can’t be easy for either of you, on one hand you have this adorable second daughter and want to just enjoy her on the other hand you have this huge empty space where her sister should be. Most of us get that and I for one admire your strength, even when you feel like you’re at the lowest point, you are still strong…Maddie must have gotten that from you.
Off Topic, I play Farmville which is a silly game but on November 11th, will be full of pinks and purples and a happy birthday Maddie..because even though we’ve never met, your family inspires mine in ways big and small.
Nothing depressing in that
Kelly says:
This is the only blog I read (besides one that is a family member), and I’ve never commented here. But I have to this time, because I don’t find your blog at all depressing! I usually get a laugh, and the first time I read about Maddie and what you went through I had an immediately greater appreciation for my family and the 2 1/2 years I’ve had to enjoy my son. Thank you for making me want to take the time to read him that extra story before bed.
Amy S. says:
She gets depressed?!?! Seriously?! O.M.G. the nerve of some people! I find your blog inspiring. It reminds me every day to be a better mother and so slow down and be grateful for what I have. Thank you for that.
Jamie says:
Heather, I’ll give you the same advice I give all my friends. Do what you need to do and fuck everyone else.
Rachel says:
I think I’ve only commented one other time on your blog, but wanted to let you know that it’s on my daily to-do list. I love to read your blog because you are so honest and quite inspiring. I have a couple of friends who have lost children of their own and I sent them a link to your blog. Keep doing what you’re doing, it helps so many people. Also, I LOVE all of the Spohr TV videos too!!
rachel says:
Dance, monkey, dance!
I mean, I thought that the WHOLE reason mommy’s blog is to talk about how fun marriage, mommyhood, diapers, post-partem depression, miscarriage, multiples, birthday parties, unemployment, first words, etc are…oh wait…those ARE the reasons. And they are fun, sad, exhausting, silly, and all-compassing. Just like life.
I like your blog. I don’t even have a kid. And I check in. Daily. So there! : )
Laura says:
Sometimes I feel sad when I read about you are feeling, because it just isn’t fair that you’ve lost one of your daughters. Like you said, it was hideous and awful and you lost Maddie because of it. And I wish I could make it better for you, but I know that no one will ever be able to take that away for you. But I am also inspired that you choose to live and didn’t give up the day Maddie passed.
And honestly, it kinda disgusts me that someone would send you an email saying that. So they stopped reading…it’s not like they needed to give you an alert about it. I mean, really….did they think that would help you?!
Mindy says:
Heather,
I have read your blog every day since June 2009. I don’t think I ever commented before but I have to today. Your blog is not depressing. It is inspiring (and pretty freakin’ funny too). I fell instantly head over heels in love with Maddie the instant I saw her photo and read her story. You and your blog have made me a better mother. Your love for your girls has inspired me and helps me to be the best mom I can be.
The Crazy Baby Mama says:
yeah, the term “go fuck yourself with a splintered dildo” gets used so often these days (especially by me) BUT, i’d LOVE to say this to the person who sent you that comment.
really and truly, yours is a life-affirming blog.
something hideous and horrible happened to you – a crime AGAINST nature. AND you chose TO LIVE and create another life.
You are badass and brave, and she or he can go fuck themselves with the aforementioned dildo.
Love,
The Crazy Baby Mama
Mary says:
Hi I stumbled upon your site and wanted to comment on the e-mail you received.
Are son, Matthew, died in 1991. Sometimes it seems long, sometimes just yesterday. Matthew was almost 7. There were not websites or e-mail back then–but comments just the same. Life was very difficult after Matthew died. Friends did not come around as much, my husband and kids were having a hard time AND then someone would say something “stupid” like, “Wow your life is really depressing or why should you be sad on Mother’s day” So don’t let the “negative” e-mails get in your way of Living life-life for your daughter. Other people may never know such a depth of love and how one continues after the loss. Maddie sounds like a beautiful little girl. Continue to live for her. She is your little angel watching over you. Mary
Tara says:
Wow, I don’t find your blog depressing. It’s so REAL, and you inspire me and reading your posts give me strength to be a good mom. I also find the vast portion of your posts totally hilarious. You are awesome and always brighten my day!! ((HUGS))
Nikki Jomidad says:
Obviously the person who left that comment is lacking something and it’s more than just tact! No one has FORCED them to read your blog, and if they found it so depressing maybe they shouldn’t have felt obligated to return at all… EVER!
Personally, I find your family very inspiring. Most people will never have to face the challenges that your family has, thankfully… but knowing that you and Mike (and the rest of your family) were able to find the strength to continue living is very ENCOURAGING to me… it helps put my little trials and tribulations into perspective. When I feel down in the dumps about something going on in my life, I remember that your family has faced much worse and still been able to “keep on keeping on”. I do think of (and pray for) you often… I’ve been a longtime reader of your blog, since even before that fateful day in April of last year. Back then I looked forward to logging on and reading an update or seeing new pictures of Maddie… now I find myself doing the same for Annabel. For that one negative person who feels depressed by reading about your life, you’ve got countless others who feel inspired by it. Sending you a hug from Maryland…
Stephanie says:
I wrote about your blog on mine yesterday. Many people have linked over and I’m sure they feel the same way I do: your story is an inspiration. This is just another lesson to share with Annie when she gets older, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. No need to hurt others feelings.
If you’re interested, here it is: http://babycross.wordpress.com/2010/10/05/the-mother-hat-a-brave-mothers-story/
Jeannine says:
I’ve never found your blog depressing.
You inspire me daily!
Glenda says:
You and Mike are amazing! Maddie and Annabel are gorgeous. Keep writing… I love your writing style…honesty…and you’re an inspiration to so many! XO
Jen says:
I think there’s a difference between something being sad and something being depressing. Sometimes I read your words and I’m profoundly saddened by what you’ve lost. But you also show how you can still find joy in the little things (bang braids!), have fun, and continue living. You were one of the first mom blogs I started reading, an inspiration for my own blog, and one of the only ones I check in with almost every day. In short, you and your family are awesome and don’t you forget it!
Michelle W says:
Frick people are stupid I have no other explanation. Well a few more maybe, unaware, heartless, selfish…I don’t get it. Although I am sure I don’t always say the right thing I am confident I never get it THAT wrong. What a tool! I have shed many tears but also been inspired by your family and the love that transcends all else.
Natalie says:
This is my first time here…I came over from Band Back Together. I read this post and hadn’t ever read your story or about Maddie even though I tweeted with you a few times. I just read about Maddie. And I cried. Because my twins were born 5 weeks early and so I could relate to the scariness of babies being born early.
But your blog, after checking out more, is NOT at all depressing! It’s inspiring and beautiful. And you had the joy and blessing of having her in your life.
Annalien says:
Why, oh why would someone e-mail a comment like that? Why not just walk away?
One of the commenter above hit the nail on the head, saying that your blog is sometimes saddening, but never depressing. Yes, its saddens me when you go through a bad patch or that you had to go through this tradegy, but I love reading your blog, because you are a good and very honest writer and it is an inspiration to see how you pick yourself up and live your life and so honour Maddie in the process.
Jen @ lifelove'n'wine says:
I just wanted you to know that I think about you and your family every day. When I take my dog for a walk and we see pretty, purple flowers I think of Maddie and her beautiful laughs and smiles. My heart goes out to all of you.
Jessica says:
Heather,
I think you are a rockstar….I don’t know how you do it. I have actually told people about your blog because I think it is inspiring. I love that you don’t sugar coat it. This is one of the worst things that could happen to a parent, but you and Mike have made certain that Maddie isn’t forgotten. Keep on trucking and don’t stop writing!
heather says:
sometimes i relate something i read on your blog and always start with, “i read this woman who ;pst a daughter’s blog…” and then feel like i have to apologize for it – i am so grateful to you for putting into words WHY i read your blog every day!
Tricia says:
OMG, Heather, if anything, your blog is uplifting, inspiring and amazing. Your strength, Mike’s strength, the good that you do, the support that you give other parents walking this unthinkable path is nothing short of a miracle, given what you have walked through and continue to live every day. The fact that you have that beautiful little girl smiling on your blog – well, both your beautiful little girls, gives me hope, not brings me down. Hope that others who walk this terrible path will know that they will survive, even on days when they don’t think they can. Hold your head high, your are a terrific and poignantly honest and beautiful writer, an amazing mother and in one short word, an incredible person. I know I don’t need to say that to make it true, but anyone who could make a remark like that must not have lived real life, or have a child or even be able to feel empathy.
We will all continue to read, love you through the interwebs and support Friends of Maddie. She (and you and Mike) have given more strangers than you know, hope and courage.
Tricia xxx
Karen says:
Heather, your blog is amazing. By sharing your life with your readers, you’ve given so many people hope and courage. And while I don’t comment as often as I mean to or should, know that there are many of us out here who are so glad that you are willing to continue blogging!
Kayla says:
I desperately want to write something profound and deep, but all I think of is that person is a nasty piece of sh!t with a nasty piece of sh!t life. What a freaking loser.
Liz says:
I am so inspired by you and Mike. I honestly don’t know how you do it, all the wonderful things you do and how you go on. I mean, you do and it’s so wonderful and you give life and hope. I am truly, truly amazed. Thank you for keeping on and for sharing with us. I wish I possessed an iota of the strength and grace that you do.
Vica says:
I have been reading your blog for over a year now. I don’t comment that much because I don’t feel I have much to add but I just wanted to say. Some people are so RUDE! Those kinds of emails should just be ignored and put on automatic delete. Obviously your story is sad but it is also real. It is a real story of surviving something none of us can imagine and that makes it inspirational. I also assume you are a great support system for the millions of people who have experienced this. Keep it coming sister. I LOVE YOU!
melissa says:
I read your blog for Maddie and Annabel. People like that are just depressed themselves and need to make others feel as bad as they feel.
Leigh says:
people are so weird. I just want to say “wtf” to that person – why would they #1. say that and #2. keep coming back if that is how they see it. ?????????????
I find your blog honest. That is why I read it.
I’m also inspired by you and how you and Mike raise awareness for NICU babies and the March of Dimes.
Becky says:
I’m with Vica, I don’t often feel that I have tons to contribute via the comments, but have to weigh in. Yes, I’ve cried before reading your posts. Yes, sometimes the material is heavy. However, would hiding your reality be of any use to anyone? Isn’t the purpose to let Maddie live on by helping one another? In all my time reading your blog, this post was probably the only one that’s depressed me. The way people can be so horrible to each other, it’s beyond comprehension, and that is truly sad.
eliza says:
Oh my. Catching up on posts from this week. I can’t read the comments. Too late on the east coast. But I bet what I have to say has been said.
Heather-I read every single post. Because you inspire me. To be a better mother. To be a good person. To love for the moment. To inhale life. To breathe in every moment with my children. I am not alone. I find your words breath taking. You joke about not having a book deal. Frankly it astounds me you don’t yet. You are amazing. You make people happy and sad and you make people *feel*. You are something unique and you have a gift. Know it.
(And you taught me the bang braid which for reasons I can’t explain drives my husband wild. I adore you. I hope you will keep this blog going. I am grateful to have known you in any context. What you’ve done here is outrageously beautiful. Period.
Rhonda says:
Rock on, Heather!! Your blog is perfectly fun, sad, hilarious, heartbreaking, and most of all, very interesting. In no way is your blog depressing, it’ll damn sure make you cry (at work)…Thanks, but it is NOT depressing. You are sharing your life, the good, the bad and the really cute. Thanks!!
Dawn @ What's Around the Next Bend? says:
I know I am late on commenting on this… but your blog makes me laugh. It makes me cry. It makes me hug my children tighter. Please take their words with a grain of salt. You are AWESOME at expressing yourself whether it be through words or pictures. Please continue to share your life with us!
Ray says:
Yes, there is sadness in a lot of your blog entries. But who wouldn’t be sad (heck it’s more than sadness) to lose beautiful Madeline. Though your blog also shows lots of strength, beauty, love, appreciation and hope.
Life is not rainbows and butterflies. We must take the good with the bad. And I’d rather take the bad than never read your blog again.
Thank you for sharing with us your life.
Jennifer says:
life is sad and funny and i both cry sometimes and completely laugh out loud when i read your blog. thanks for sharing your thoughts about life and your lovely daughters.