Over the last few nights, I’ve spent hours reading the blog posts written about Maddie after she died. There were over 500 posts written, which is overwhelming in so many ways. Members of our family read every post as they came in, but three years ago I could only process a few at a time. Now I can handle the posts and the comments, even though they all make me cry.
It’s hard, this passing of time. The emails and texts checking in spread to nothing. The sympathy cards stop arriving in the mail. The comments slow. People really do move on with their lives, as they should. You don’t want them to think about your broken life every day.
Except you still think about your broken life…every day, because you have no choice. It greets you when you open your eyes each morning. The holes are gaping, and the guilt is inescapable. You eventually learn how to function by ignoring the weight of it all. But sometimes it’s so crushing you literally can’t stand on your own two feet without toppling over.
Those are the days you want to scream, but you don’t because you don’t want to be selfish. Time has passed, and everyone is tired of your grief. They have their own weights to pull, and you don’t – you can’t – expect anyone to put their own down troubles down to carry yours for a while. Not again.
So you’re quiet, sinking slowly. I’ve been sinking slowly. But I’ve been looking everywhere for life preservers, and these posts and comments are helping. So many of them, written by people I will never meet, expressing their sorrow and their promise to remember my girl.
On the days when I feel like no one remembers, I cling to the words of the people who promised they always would.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
I remember. I don’t comment as often as I used to, but I remember. I’m sending you lots of hugs and love, as ever.
Loural says:
I remember.
Heather, I’ve never met Maddie or you or Mike or Annie but your family very much feels a part of my daily life. I’ve cried at your struggles, laughed at your joys and prayed for you to make it through the clouds.
My brother died 15 years ago and I still think about him daily. I wonder how life would be like if he was here, if our family would be a little less broken and if some of my struggles would have been eased by having my big brother around. His old friends, old girlfriends, classmates and even cousins/aunts/uncles, they have moved on. They don’t talk about Jason or seem to remember him….and that makes me sadder than words can express.
I will never forget Maddie, she is a very special beautiful little girl……and when you are feeling down and blue and like your heart is breaking into smaller pieces….just know that we do remember….and we hurt with you.
All my love to you and Mike and Annie and Maddie.
Loural
Kat in Berlin says:
I’m one of those that promised and I’ve stuck to it. I think of Maddie often. I don’t read a lot of blogs anymore, but yours is the one that I read religiously…everyday… Monday – Friday and sometimes I peek in on weekends too. I even had a dream of Maddie once, but don’t think I told you about it. Because I thought you might think I’m nuts or something….a woman that you have never met, that lives really far away dreaming about your precious girl. But it happened. I don’t remember everything about the dream now, but I remember I saw Maddie or found her somewhere and I smiled, ran up to her and brought her into my arms. I took care of her and told her that I had to get her back to her Mom and Dad that have been missing her soooooo much. In the dream she had that sweet little yellow dress on and she was all smiles..cute as can be and it made me happy to see her.
I know the missing her and aching to hold her doesn’t get any easier for you guys. It’s because you love her and you always will.
Paula says:
Oh Heather . Yes, time moves on, and you feel like people have forgotten – but we haven’t. Every time my little girl wears purple I think of Maddie and the family she left behind, and I hold my wee one close for a moment.
I laugh at Annie’s antics and comment on how gorgeous she is, and show my Grace the videos and photos. And always I think how wonderful it would be if Maddie was here for Annie.
You don’t know me, but from far away New Zealand, I send love and sympathy .
Alice says:
I remember Madeline. I always will. Thank you for sharing her with us.
Amy J says:
I too remember! In fact Maddie is the reason I came to your blog and have followed your family online ever since. The company I work for and I began sponsoring The March of Dimes following her passing. I serve on their Executive Leadership Team here in town with Maddie on my mind and in my heart. SHE brought us to them (March of Dimes) and is helping other children like her thrive as a result. Please trust she is not forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with your family always.
Jenn says:
I was one of those people and I will never forget Maddie!!
Jean says:
I think people are afraid sometimes that bringing it up, whether it be a card, a text, a message, might bring back painful memories when you might have been doing fine. Does that make sense? I think it’s good you remind people that this is not the case, so people who might want to reach out, but are afraid they might do more harm than good, know that you would appreciate it.
marcia says:
That’s exactly what I was going to say, Jean. Heather, I know that it’s not something that you will EVER ‘get over’, but I know that you have some days that are better than others and I didn’t know if saying something would bring back a happy memory or a painful one. Now that I realize that it helps you to read the comments, I won’t be as afraid to mention Maddie from time to time.
This is one of only 4 blogs I read every day — I started coming here because I was drawn to that precious little Maddie and loved reading about her daily adventures. I was, like so many, devastated when she passed. “Knowing” her for that short time really affected my life. I ALWAYS (honestly, ALWAYS) think of Maddie whenever I see anything purple!! I still wear my “Maddie bracelet” often — especially when I’m feeling stressed as a mom, it keeps me focused on what is important. Maddie makes a difference EVERY day and I thank you for that.
Cynthia says:
Heather,
I have and I will keep my promise to never, ever forget the beautiful little girl I never actually met, whose smile and twinkling eyes never fail to warm my heart and soul. You are not alone and along with Mike and Miss Annie (plus countless others, I’m sure), Maddie’s beautiful spirit lives on and on!
Colleen says:
I remember every day. I love it when you talk about Maddie, no matter the content. I expect and accept that a big piece of you will always be missing your precious daughter. I believe you help a lot of people move with their grief. Even if you disappeared from the internet tomorrow I will always remember Maddie and Annie too! Thank you for sharing them with us.
Courtney says:
I remember Maddie. She was a beautiful little girl in every possible way. Hugs to you.
Fiona says:
Hi Heather
I began reading your blog after Maddie died, but I tracked back and read all your posts. I haven’t lost a child, so I don’t have a clue how you feel, I can only imagine and give you my sincerest sympathies, one mother to another.
I read your blog every. single. day. I think of your family every day and even though I don’t know you in ‘real life’.
I am so sorry for your tragic loss of your beautiful girl. Sometimes or perhaps all the time, life must be so very hard for you.
We remember her. You’ve done her proud, Heather & Mike.
Fiona x
Sue says:
Just as Jean says, Heather, I think that some people don’t want to bring it to the surface again, and mention Maddie, when they think you’re doing fine. I, for one, know that you NEVER forget Maddie, and even tho it may bring tears; you still want to hear people mention her name, and know that they are remembering her. I lost a lifetime friend, suddenly, 2 1/2 years ago, and even tho it crosses my mind that I might upset her husband if I tell him how much I miss her; I still tell him. I’m sure it brings tears, but I know it makes him happy to hear that I’ll never forget her. Many, many hugs to you, Mike, Annie, and all who loved Maddie so very, very much………………
Mommy says:
No one could ever forget your sweet girl. Not ever. She made such a difference in so many lives, and continues to do so.
I wish you didn’t have to hurt like this. I wish there were magic words to ease the ache in your heart. I wish your little girl was still in your arms. It is just not fair.
Love and prayers being sent your way, always.
ps. I know your loved ones will not get sick of your grief. As someone who has watched her very best friend go through a shocking and tragic loss, I can assure you, that even after 8 years, I will never get sick of being there for her. I will never expert her to fully move on. I will never resent her for reaching out to me when she needs to. In fact, I would love it if she could/would let me know when she is slowly sinking so I could lift her up. I am positive your friends and family feel the same way about you. Don’t ever feel guilty for leaning on them or going to them with your grief, no matter how long it’s been. I promise, they want to be there for you. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do when it has been a little while and a loved one has learned to live with the hurt. But believe me, they want to help and wish they could do more.
Tam. says:
Heather,
Your blog is the first thing I read every morning. In the quiet hours before my son is up. I am part of a little family of three that lives in a small coastal town in SC and I can tell you, I think of you all every day.
Often I will show or tell my husband something funny that was on your site and will say, “You know, Maddie and Annie’s Mom.”
When I am at the checkout at the grocery store and am asked if I would like to make a donation to the March of Dimes, I always say yes and think of Maddie. I have learned so much about the organization since I started reading your blog.
When my fantastic friend who is a NICU nurse talks about her job I have a whole new appeciation and am in awe of what she does.
So I can tell you without a doubt that I will always remember and that I am just one of so very many that truly care.
Jenn says:
Everytime I hear Single Ladies on the radio, I say her name out loud. I was at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago and I saw a little girl who from behind looked like Maddie. She was even wearing purple.
I will never forget your little girl.
kandi Ann says:
I think of Maddie often also. Everytime I see even a hint of purple on the sky.
noe says:
I found your blog after Maddie had passed. I read the whole story. I cried. I stopped reading for a while (I had a miscarriage at 19 weeks) and I could never get the blog out of my head.
I often talk about you with my husband (who has no idea who you, Mike, Annie and Maddie are). I made comments about your posts. What you’re going thru.
I look at my son (8 1/2 months) and I think about you and the pain you must have gone thru… and how bittersweet your life must be having such a beautiful daughter and missing your beautiful daughter.
I think the 250 comments you got on your bday are proof of people who remember you, and for so many you= maddie.
We are always here….
Molly says:
I remember Maddie every day and I will never tire of your grief, or hearing about it, or her. Please talk about her–or your feelings–as much as you need to. We will always listen and never turn away.
Kelly says:
I don’t tire of your grief Heather, nor have I forgotten Maddie, my background on twitter is still the friends of Maddie, so I see her everyday when I log in. I can’t imagine what you are going through, because I’ve never been there, but I think of you, and I hope, whenever I do take the time to comment you feel a little less alone in this big world.
Martha H. says:
I remember Maddie, especially when I see the color purple or Abby Cadabby. I won’t forget.
Ninka says:
I remember Maddie
Anna Marie says:
I remember. The first post of yours that I read was the one about Maddie teething and it made me laugh out loud. I miss her, and I love when you write about her.
MissyK says:
I wear my “Maddie” bracelet every day so that beautiful little girl is in my mind every single morning. She is never going to be forgotten. She is way to special for that.
Liz says:
I read your blog every day, I rarely comment but I’m always here. My son’s birthday is Nov. 11, I think of you a lot on that day and I remember your daughter. I have no words for the pain you feel, but I just wanted you to know that I remember her and think of you and your beautiful family.
Jenni says:
I will never tire of your grief, ever. I visit your blog every morning before my boys wake up. You, Mike and Annie are so cute, funny and fun. But I know a piece of you all is missing and I think it just stinks. I haven’t and won’t forget about Maddie.
Jenni
Emily says:
I too live half way across the world and came across Maddie’s story through another blog. I read it every day and it has influenced my life in so may ways.
As an obstetrician every time I am forced to deliver a baby prematurely, I am reminded of the gravity of my decision. I am empathise and am able to provide support to my patients in a unique manner because of the way you so openly write about your feelings. For patient’s whom I see after they have had a tragic loss, I am able to at least know part of what they may be going through because of your story. For those parents whom I see with a bouncy, happy and healthy child down the road I am able to be reminded that even in the face of tragedy that miracles to occur and there is purpose to what I am doing.
Maddie has influenced and is remembered by so many more than comment on this blog. We are here to support you whenever you need, I am sorry it has taken me so long to overcome my own issues of seeming weird because I have never actually met you.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family always.
Vic says:
I remember you guys…. I don’t comment as much as I should… but you’re remembered. Never forgotten. Always loved. Please know that.
jessica says:
I read your blog every day and I can say I think about you, your family and Maddie all the time Heather! I hope everyday you have a little bit more peace than the day before it! Please know so many people think of you and keep you in their thoughts and prayers!
Karen says:
I check your blog for updates every day. Sometimes twice or three times. (It’s not stalking unless it’s more than five!) Through you, I find patience when I don’t think I have any left. When the cousins that are like my surrogate children want just one more hand-puppet story or one more silly song full of words we make up, I remember to treasure their presence and their brilliance even through my exhaustion. I have also come to have a greater understanding of the amazing woman I am blessed to call my mother as I reflect on her loss and her strength. The Spohr legacy is beautiful and poignant and not something that can be easily forgotten. We’re all still out here and we still remember. Every day.
Becca_Masters says:
oh Heather, whilst people don’t comment as often or send notes in the mail, I don’t think there is one person in this entire world who met, read about, heard stories about that will ever ever forget Maddie.
Like Tam I start my day off by reading your blog, in fact I often check your blog before I check my own!
I’ve never met you, or any of your family, in fact I’ve never spoken to you at all, however I consider you and your family part of my family.
I look forward to Annie videos and photos and every so often I’ll go back and read a post about Maddie.
Every day I listen to the song Mike recorded, it’s on my daily playlist.
You will never sink Heather, because we are all here ready to hoist you back up and be your floating supports.
Much love xxx
Joanna says:
I remember Maddie all the time. Keeping your family in my thoughts.
Fibby says:
I work in a NICU and think of Maddie all the time. When a baby who had left the NICU (after being with us forever) unexpectedly died, a group of us from our hospital went to sit with the family in the other hospital where the baby died. I thought of you and of Maddie and of the nurse who stayed with you on that horrible day and I prayed that our presence was making a difference like she did. I don’t often get to hear the ins and outs of daily life after a child has passed and parents go home. I learn so much from your blog and use what I learn to better support our bereaved families. Thank you for your honest sharing and for keeping Maddie’s memory alive so that we can all do the same.
Michelle says:
I read you everyday. I remember your Madeline everyday. When my girls are sitting with me while I read you, they ask about her and I tell them. When my brother died (not even coming close to losing Maddie but all I have to relate to) I remember that feeling of wondering how peoples’ lives could continue on when mine had stopped in it’s tracks. As weird as it sounds, I’m so happy for you that you have this blog and can be reminded daily that many, many people remember Maddie everyday. Tim died before the internet is what it is now so my family and I spend much time wondering if anyone remembers him.
I’ll continue to read you daily. I love your honesty and writing style and I love seeing your Annie grow and your musings on Maddie.
sherri says:
I remember Maddie. Though I have never met any of you, my own children know of you, Maddie and Annie. We watch your videos of Annie and giggle wildly. I tell them of little Maddie and her struggles. I read your blog daily because you inspire me with your strength and love. Don’t worry–Maddie will never be forgotten. Truly.
Amy says:
I will NEVER forget Madeline Alice Spohr her name is engraved on my heart. I am so sorry that this devastating thing has happened to you or to anyone on this planet. Your story reminds me to enjoy the little things in life because none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.
jewl says:
I remember. Please don’t ever think we don’t think of your precious little girl! I’ve never even met you and I think of you and your Maddie daily. I pray for some sort of peace for you and Mike and Annie, although I don’t know what that is or if its even possible when losing a child. Like others have said, I don’t think we know if its appropriate to comment about her as to not hurt you anymore than you already hurt, ya know? Please know that we will never forget your beautiful Maddie!!
Lisa says:
I’ve never met you, yet I have read your blog almost every day for the last 3 years. I have two kids of my own that occupy my thoughts, yet I think of Maddie sometimes, when I’m in the grocery store or cooking dinner or getting ready for bed, or just doing whatever I’m doing. Her precious life and the impact her loss has had on you and your family stays with me so strongly and emotionally. I am thinking of you.
Julie says:
I think of Maddie so often. Even more than I ever imagined I would at the time. Her passing struck me deeply. She was one of a kind – her smile lit up the world – and I so wish that we could all still be reading of her adventures. So, even though I will never meet you, I will never forget her. sometimes you and Mike write that people expect you to move on… I can’t imagine ever moving on from what you’ve been through. We have watched you morph a bit, which is to be expected, but moving on? No. Even my life and my parenting changed forever as a result of Maddie’s death, and I only read about her. You two are fantastic parents of both Maddie and Annie.
Ashley Tinius says:
Heather, I read your blog every day. I remember. I don’t know you, but I understand pain, and I feel yours, and it matters….
sherylynn says:
Although I’ve never met any of you, I do think of you all often. I’ve been reading your blog for almost three years now. I have laughed with you, rejoiced with you, cried with you, mourned with you. I don’t think I’ve ever commented before, but please know that I do think about Maddie often…as I’m sure many of your readers and friends do. She hasn’t been forgotten…your grief hasn’t been forgotten. Some of us just don’t do as well relaying that. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
TamaraL says:
Heather, I’m so sorry you are sinking. I suspect that grief is always like that…up and down. I pray your next up is just around the corner…although I know it will never be as ‘up’ as you wish it could be.
I promise you I have never, and never, will forget Maddie. I think of her so often, and check your blog every single weekday. YOU are the one that keeps us all thinking of her. YOU are keeping her memory alive. I hope that gives you some comfort. You and your sweet family are so loved…
cj says:
i remember your beautiful daughter. i don’t comment as often as i used to but still read all of the time and think of and pray for you and your beautiful family. i’m sorry.
Carolyn says:
I read your blog daily and think of Maddie often. I like to look at her pictures in the Mamarazzi section. Your loss is devastating, but not forgotten.
Jessica says:
I remember Maddie. Even though I’ve never met you, I think about you and Maddie often.
Amanda says:
We remember, but not one of use can truly comprehend how the hurt lives in you and when it reignites. I am so sorry for the ripples of heartbreak.
Sending love.
edenland says:
I will never tire of your grief. True fack serious.
I will always, always remember Maddie. She has her own tag on my blog.
And I’ll never forget the posts *you* wrote after she passed, Heather. Blew me away out of my mind with amazement, that you were honouring and loving and cherishing so much, so publicly. You enabled Maddie to touch thousands of people all over the world.
XXXXXX
Beth Mariel says:
Dearest Heather,
I only stumbled upon this site earlier this year so I wasn’t with you before but when I was I looked through all your posts obsessively—I must have had read them all. And although I never really knew you or Maddie, please know that I will always remember. I think that like all the readers here, we don’t want to remind you of your grief and instead we love laughing with you, Mike and lovely Annie, which is why the comfort has been going slow. Always know that we’ll be here for you, always know that we will never forget.
Nellie says:
You are never, ever alone in your grief, we are there with you, even if we don’t write about your beautiful Madeline in our comments — she is and forever will be a part of our lives as well. I never met you but I think of you and your family often, especially when I am out and about and hear of another person’s loss or see a beautiful purple dress – my mind immediately drifts to you and your Madeline. I know my words probably make very little sense but I hope in some way it conveys how deeply your writing and your life’s journey has affected me and how you humble me and make me a better person. And, how much I hurt for you and pray often that you are lifted, even a little bit by our thoughts of you and your family.
Mary says:
You can talk about it, scream about it, RANT about it as often and as long as you want to. Friends will always listen. They will never tell you to just get on with life or pass judgement that you should be “fine” by now. I think the grief journey feels so absolutely, positively solitary at times, no matter how many people tell you they are there for you guys and you can always reach out to talk.
I think I’ve said it before, but I really do see grief as an ocean. You get to a point when you can walk along the beach with grief just kind of lapping at your toes and then wham! a giant wave comes and buckles your knees. As someone else said, I think sometimes people don’t want to say anything about it because they’re not sure how their comments will affect you and Mike. If you’re having a good day, will the comment that is meant to be supportive just scratch at the scab? I think it’s always nice to know that others remember that you’ve had this thing that shouldn’t happen to anyone, happen to you and that they’re holding your family in their hearts.
I’ll end my rambling with saying that your family is always in my heart. I hope that you always feel as if you can talk about your pain and sadness so that others can help carry the load for awhile. Moosh in Indy once said something along the lines of, there are billions of people in the world; we weren’t meant to do this alone.
Abby Leviss says:
I think about Maddie every single day. I know I am not the only one.
Editdebs says:
Please don’t ever feel like you can’t rely on us to hold you while you are sinking. I remember Maddie, even though I came to this blog after she died. She means so much to so many people. And you mean so much to so many people. You mean a lot to me, despite never having met you. So much love and hugs and love being sent your way from Chicago.
Patt says:
Always. And everyday reading your blog. It’s impossible not to think of what could have, should have been.
giselle says:
I think about Maddie almost every day. I remember. And it’s ok to need support, it’s ok.
Skye says:
Down at the other end of the world, a Maddie’s Monster sits in a living room chair. Every day I am greeted by a friendly, funny, flash of purple – and I remember. Much love to you from Australia. xo
Katie says:
I remember. I can’t see how anyone who has been touched by your story or seen and experienced your blog and your beautiful family, could ever forget. I remember and I won’t forget.
Staci says:
There are certain people in this world (whether you know them in person or not) that you relate to on deep, almost spiritual (dare I say it) levels. Those are the people you keep tabs on, regardless of the passing of time. And, they are also the people that you continue to support in whatever capacity they need. That’s how I feel about your family, Heather. You’re good people.
Amanda says:
You don’t know me – we’ve never met. But I feel like I know your family because I read your blog every day and I think of you guys all the time. Your grief is always in the back of my mind and I think about you sometimes during my day and wonder how you’re feeling and whether or not you’re having a good day or a bad day. I know that no day will ever truly be good for you again, but I hope that your days are manageable and that you manage to find happiness and moments of joy in them. Sometimes I wonder if it’s weird for me to think of people I’ve never met – people who don’t know a thing about me or my life – but for better or worse, your story has moved me (the sad times and the happy times) and I think of you. I’m not sure how me – a total stranger – thinking of you throughout my day can bring you any comfort, but if it does, then I’m glad that I’ve managed to help you in some small way along your journey. And I will continue to think of you and to remember your sweet baby girl and her bright-like-sunshine smile.
keri says:
Heather, I read your blog daily and I commented when Maddie passed. I think of her often, of you, Mike and Annie. Though we’ve never met, I stop here daily and read. I laugh and cry w/you. Thank you for sharing
We will never forget, Heather. Peace and comfort to you.
bessie.viola says:
I remember Maddie, and I think of her often. I always say a little prayer for your family when I do.
kristin says:
I remember sweet Maddie and think about your little, lovable family often.
Elizabeth says:
I haven’t left comments lately like I used to but you haven’t been forgotten. I check your blog every morning and think of you all often. My daughter’s favorite color is purple and it always makes me think of Maddie.
Even though we will probably never meet, we are sisters (delta gamma) and I’ll always be here to listen. ITB.
Shelley Viestenz says:
I read your blog every day, and still think of your beautiful little Maddie often. Grief doesn’t go away and most of us understand that. Please don’t feel afraid to share that grief if we can all help in some way.
Becky C says:
I’m so sorry, Heather! It never occurred to me that if I didn’t specifically mention Maddie to you, that you’d think I’d forgotten…or even tried to forget! Maddie is how I found you! I love seeing her pics on your page and everytime I see purple, I think of her! She’s everywhere, everyday! She’s in flowers, swirly clouds, sunset, my daughters crayons, toys, blankets and clothes! There is no possible way for me to forget her, nor do I want to! Sending lots of love, hugs and prayers for peace for you! I hope she visits you in your dreams soon!
Kristin says:
I read your blog every morning, yet I don’t have your site bookmarked. I type Maddie’s name in the search engine every day.
Becca says:
It’s funny that you write this post today.
It’s a beautiful day today where I live. As I was riding my bike to work this morning (generall about 35 minutes) I was thinking about the warm air and summer smells that were surrounding me. Then, I thought of Maddie. I dont’ know why, but she and your family just popped into my head. I smiled for your time together and sent warm wishes out for your family.
I remember. I will *always* remember.
RG says:
This was mine. The link on your list doesn’t work anymore.
http://www.reluctantgrownupblog.com/2009/04/14/madeline/
I do remember.
Lisa says:
I remember Maddie. Knowing what to say to a parent who has lost a child is so hard…maybe “I remember” is enough.
farrar says:
i remember her often and “visit” with yall everyday. Don’t comment much, but I am praying for yall. <>
Annie says:
I remember your sweet girl. I don’t know you or your family, but I think of Maddie often. I am always amazed at the wonderful, happy life you have given sweet Annie- even with this terrible grief you feel.
Michelle says:
I have never met you either but truely not many days go by where I don’t think about you or Maddie or your family or your troubles. Hang on tight and don’t ever feel guilty about your grief. You are allowed and that’s what we are all here for, to share the load……
kwm says:
I remember. I’m a 22-year-old Canadian college student and I’ve been following your blog for a bit over a year. You have honored and immortalized the memory of your precious first daughter by sharing it with so many… The story of Maddie’s beautiful life touched me and I will never forget her, I promise.
cindy w says:
I will always remember Maddie.
When I was in high school, a girl a couple of years older than me was killed in a drunk driving accident. Years later, my mom ran into that girl’s mother, and when she realized who she was, she said, “Oh, you’re Cathy’s mom!” The woman kind of gasped, and then started to cry. She said, “Thank you so much, nobody ever says her name to me anymore.”
So, I think that people who stop commenting and talking about Maddie most likely do so because they’re afraid of bringing up bad feelings for you. Not that YOU can forget Maddie or go a day without thinking about her, of course. But sometimes in an effort to be polite, people will avoid topics that might make the other person sad. But then, all that does is make you feel more isolated, because nobody else is talking about Maddie and she’s all you can think about. Catch 22, I guess.
Point being: love to all of you Spohrs. Especially Maddie. XOXO
Karla says:
Believe me… I do remember. She’s always in my mind, eventhought I never met her.
Karla says:
Believe me… I do remember. She’s always in my mind, even though I never met her.
Leslie says:
I remember her every day, and I read your blog every day. And every day I am a better mom because of your Maddie and the realization that life is short.
Camie says:
I too, don’t comment as often as I used to, but I remember Maddie, and I think of her often. When I think of the little girl that I hope to have in the future, I think of Maddie too, and wish you and Mike love and thank you for sharing her with us.
Terri says:
Heather I don’t know you guys but I think of Maddie every single day. My daughter Kalie is a few months younger than Maddie and I’ve since lost a pregnancy and that child would have been close to the same age as Annie, so I see her in your Annie, and I see Maddie in my Kalie. I know how much I hurt for a child who never even got to be born, I can only imagine how you feel. Purple isn’t just a color I like anymore, I always remember it’s Maddies color too, and I always will.
mel says:
I remember. Maddie so sweet. I’ll never forget and even though I may not comment as much, and it unfortunately took her passing for me to comment at all, I will always hold you all in my heart.
Kim says:
I don’t comment often, but I read your blog daily. I remember too, and sometimes I think about the strength and grace that you and Mike have when I need some of my own.
Megan says:
I remember.
I found your blog because of Maddie. I started reading because I heard there had been a horrible tragedy, a blogger’s daughter had died suddenly. I read the archives because your posts were so well written, so cute, so funny, and Maddie was so cute and you were both so likeable.
I followed your posts in the few months after Maddie died because your story was compelling and your posts were well written. They helped me learn to understand grief. To be honest, until I read your blog, I believed the loss of a child was something you could “get over.” Not get over as in never feel sad again, but get over in the way you get over losing a pet, where five or ten years later you look back and feel some sadness but more happiness at the memories and no overwhelming grief. I realize now that was incredibly naive and foolish of me. Your blog helped me become a better person in that if someone close to me does suffer a horrible loss like yours, I can be there for them.
I had a job where I was usually the first person in, so I’d come in, read your posts every day, and just sob. And cry and cry and cry. And then I’d dry my tears and usually be OK by the time my co-workers showed up. Eventually, there started being days where your posts didn’t make me cry, and then the crying days grew fewer and further between. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t still thinking of Maddie, still sad for your loss, but I loved the little points of humor you put in your posts even when you must have been feeling like hell. I loved the pictures of Annie. I was so happy for you and Mike when you got some sun in your life.
I don’t comment all that often, because you don’t know me from Adam and I don’t want to be that weird stalker stranger. Sometimes I see Maddie in a photo of Annie, or I read an old post about Maddie, and I want to say something, but I don’t know if my saying something will make you sad on a good day.
Please know that you and Maddie are never forgotten and always in my heart.
KJ says:
Though the comments have slowed, our thoughts have not. And we’re not tired of your grief. Even if we’re quiet, she is in our hearts, too. xoxo
Karen says:
You’ve never met me, I don’t even blog anymore, but I think of your precious Maddie daily. I think about her even more now that I have my own 1 year old. Once she turned 18 months, I thought of all the milestones Maddie missed and all that you won’t get to do and see her do and it breaks my heart. Initially, I shed tears over your girl. Now, I hope she comes to you in your dreams. Watches over you and her sister. Her sister who has no idea what she is truly missing yet. It makes me feel sick. The local elementary school has had purple ribbons tied around the surrounding trees and for the past 3 years, those have been “Maddie’s ribbons” to me every time I drive by since I associate purple with her. This may sound weird coming from a stranger but….Spohr family, I care about you guys and your sweet Maddie will never be forgotten by me. I had a miscarriage about 7 months ago (would’ve had a 2 month old baby now) and I share many of your feelings you’ve written about that. I wish you only the best. Sending good thoughts and virtual hugs your way. xo
Lamb says:
I think about Maddie and your family often. I have shared her story with so many people in my own life. It’s not just the people who leave comment here, but also they people they tell. I’d bet there are a lot of people who think about sweet little Maddie every day.
Hang in there, my friend.
Michelle says:
Maddie is unforgettable. She really is. I promise I really will always remember her. Like some above have said, any time I hear the song “Single Ladies” or see an Abby Cadabby doll, I think of Maddie. I’ve marveled at how much Maddie has had an effect on me. I’m a mother of 4, tons of nieces and nephews, and I don’t read many blogs. I happened on yours because someone in my mom’s group shared a link to Matt Logelin’s, and he had just posted about Maddie and it led me here. I remember crying about the news of Maddie’s passing. The horror of it is so unfair. I remember sobbing through her beautiful remembrance video, just wishing with all my being she could be back with her parents. She was so full of life and light, and had something so special about her. It will never make sense that she was taken from you, and we really will all remember her.
Liz says:
I remeber, I’ve never commented before because I felt like a stranger looking in on your wonderful family. But I remember Maddie, and her wonderful smile, each time I wear purple, I think “I am wearing purple for Maddie”. I know it’s a small comfort from a stranger, but please know, I remember.
~Liz
SJ says:
I saw this title and I said out loud, “Heather, no.” Please don’t sink. We need you.
Jessica S. says:
I have been silently reading your blog for a couple of years now. I read it everyday and everyday I send you all strength, love and light. I admire you and Mike for keeping your head together for Annie. Stay strong, stay focused! Much love.
Melinda says:
Hi Heather,
I have never written a comment here before, but I just had to tell you…..I REMEMBER.
One of the saddest things about losing a loved one, is that Life Goes On. Even though we want everyone to feel our sorrow on a daily basis, Life Goes On. It is sad to think that so many things go on in our lives without that special someone.
I speak often of my brother and my father, because I don’t want anyone to forget them, but I know that few are the people that think of them daily.
Your blog, makes me think of Maddie daily. Sometimes I laugh with you, and sometimes I cry with you. Most definitely, I will not forget Maddie.
Thank you for sharing your life, your emotions and your love. I may not speak by commenting, but I listen.
Your Maddie is in good hands! and I am sure that she is an angel watching over you and your family.
Take care and keep the faith! xoxo
Lydia says:
You’ll always carry this grief. As time has marched on you and Mike have learned how to live with it simply because you literally have no other choice. The pain doesn’t lessen. It just becomes part of who you are. This is your life now. That doesn’t mean you don’t smile & laugh because you do. You honestly find joy again. But, Maddie is always there and she always will be and I can say personally that I will never, ever forget her. I talk about her to people like she’s part of my life. I suppose in a way she is.
Don’t push your grief back because you think others have moved on and don’t want to deal with your grief anymore. That’s not fair to you, Mike, or even Annie. Your readers love you and want to know what you’re feeling. We love Maddie, too. We don’t want to forget her so we love when you write about her….The other day I spent time going back over your blog and reading Maddie entries.
I will always remember Maddie and I will always pray for you, Mike, and your family.
Pattie says:
I remember Maddie, Heather. And I promise I will never, ever forget her.
Jo says:
I don’t know anything about you but your words here on this blog- which is one of the few I read every weekday. I think of Maddie often. She is woven into my life even though I never knew her. I have a daughter the same age as her. They have similar huge sparkly eyes and ringlets. Your loss pains me- but it also lifts me up when I’m feeling angry or frustrated with my daughter– how lucky I am. How unfairly and intolerably that can be taken away. I think often how she lifts us up- but I also remember the anger I would feel seeing round bellies everywhere after my first miscarriage. I would never want to bring you pain.
Lori McBride says:
Still reading, always remembering, always willing to help hold you up if you need it. I think there are many who would echo the exact same feelings.
(((((((hugs))))))
Kate Ross says:
I think about you and your family daily. I think about your beautiful Maddie and shed tears for a little girl whose light I never felt the warmth of, but experienced the chill when it was extinguished. We are not sick of your grief. We are here. Always.
Emily says:
Heather, I feel confident in saying that WE ALL remember. Just a few days ago I was cleaning my stove, and something reminded me of the Single Ladies song, which automatically makes me think of Maddie. I have many moments like this, and I have no doubt that most of your faithful readers have them as well. Maddie is a part of our lives to, even having never physically met her. She will always be remembered, and we will always be here for you.
Amanda says:
I still remember and I always will. My Annie (Anna Grace) has so many things in common with Maddie – it shook me to my core that Maddie was gone.
Like Emily I recently heard Single Ladies and immediately thought of Maddie.
I don’t comment like I use to but I still read every day.
I wish I could give you a hug – it seems like you need one.
Thinking of you in GA.
Susan Sparks says:
Heather, Until you draw your very last breath here on earth you will always, everyday, think of Maddie, there’s no way around that. But, when that last breath is drawn, the reunion of Mother and Daughter will happen and it will be the most wonderful moment ever! There are no words, that any of us can offer you to ease your heart, the longing will always be there, but please don’t lose sight of what is yet to come. You have a beautiful, precious little girl, Annie, that God has sent to you to fill your days for many years to come. Enjoy your life and time with her and when that “Special” day comes, know that you have lived your life exactly as you were meant to. We will all continue to remember and keep you in our prayers for special strength to face each day.
Much love,
Susan
Dawn says:
Heather, I have never commented but I have been reading and remembering for the last 3 years. Just know that people do remember Maddie every day, they remember you, Mike and Annie every day. I remember every day and I say a prayer for you every day.
FyshWyfe says:
Heather,
Just last night I was going through some of your posts from 2009. My husband came to call me to bed and found me by the fireplace with tears dripping off my chin. I was speechless, and when he asked what was wrong all I could say was, “Maddie.”
We went to bed and as we laid there I started listing things I wanted him to say or do for our girls if anything ever happens to me. “Tell them they made me a whole person. Tell them I went to sleep every night thinking of them. Tell them…”
I want you to know that your family has not been forgotten. I think about Maddie all the time, and the burden of your grief. I cry for you and all the parents who have had to bury little ones. It’s not right. It’s just not right.
You’re in CA, I’m in TX, but I’m by your side, Heather. So many of us are.
Shannon says:
I remember Maddie. Her story touched me.
Tricia says:
Always, always. Xoxoxoxo
Michelle H says:
Still here. Still remembering. Still starting my every day with Maddie.
Diana says:
People remember. I remember. I think about you often and ask about you even if I don’t post. If someone doesn’t say something when you wish they would…it’s only because they think that there may be a small chance that for one second you have a moment of peace and joy with your daughter and the mention at that moment of your loss would bring you back to the place of unbearable sadness that they so want you NOT to have to live with. So they wait. And they let you experience what they perceive is peace. However, they know you have pain. They haven’t forgotten. I haven’t. No one ever wants you to feel this sadness because they love you. That’s why they wait. But when you say “I need…” those people who love you, and even strangers, will come to you and hold you in their prayers and hope you can feel some relief from this unbearable sadness.
Maddie will never be forgotten.
Cameron says:
I think of Maddie and of you and Mike and Annie often. I talk about what happened to Maddie to people in my profession (I’m a medical malpractice defense attorney). I talk about Maddie to my older son, who recognizes her picture when I open the website. Maddie has a legacy and so do you. Even on the days when you are bearing the weight well and think everyone has moved on, know that they have, but *with* you and *with* her. I carry her laugh in my heart and her smile touches me today as much as it did the first time I saw it.
dysfunctional mom says:
I remember. I think of Maddie every time I visit your blog (which is every time one of you posts) and many other random times. Long before she passed, Maddie was special to so many of your readers. She was so strikingly beautiful, her face is unforgettable! I also share her story with my family & friends.
She will never, ever be forgotten.
Meaghan says:
I have to tell you, that I have recently rediscovered your blog, and I’m so happy I did. I started reading this blog back when my first daughter was born, and the parallels between your pregnancy with Madeline and my own with my daughter were amazing. Reading your blog and seeing how much joy and life Maddie had, gave me hope for my daughter who was born 6 months after Maddie, and had her own health struggles. I thought about your beautiful daughter everytime I looked at my own for a long time, and I really do cherish more than ever the moments we have together. I am now 5 months along with my second daughter, and reading your blog this time around is as new and exciting. I love seeing Annie and all of her adventures… I’m also loving your recipes as well! I know we don’t know eachother, but you and your family have touched my life in ways I could never express. Madeline will never be forgotten, and I will always be thankful to you and your husband for sharing your lives with me. Thank-you
Molly says:
I remember Maddie, though I never met her.
There have been times in my life I almost missed the weeks and months right after my loved one died, just because I didn’t expect myself to lead a normal life back then. Just because time passes doesn’t mean the world didn’t end, in a way. It’s so painful to have the loss be as real as ever, but everything and everyone just goes back to some kind of normal.
Emily says:
Everytime I read your blog, Heather, I think of Maddie. I’ll catch myself looking at my children and feel a sudden pain in my stomach when I remember what your family has been through. My parents lost a child (my sister when she was 7) and I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling. I could say “stay strong” or “things will get easier/better” but I honestly have no place. All I can say is this girl in Boston is thinking of you today and sending lots of love your way!
Lanie says:
Time can be so tricky. People say “time heals all wounds.”. Bereaved parents know that is not true. It changes but never heals.
Our first son died almost 7 years ago. I think of him everyday. Our 2nd son died over 2 years ago. I think of him and miss them both terribly.
I think of Maddie every day too. I have written about you both as well. Maddie will always be remembered. xo
Kristin says:
Heather – we are here, and we remember. Every.single.day. Your Maddie was – and still is – a beautiful gift to this world and we all miss her, even if we never got to meet her.
Leslie says:
We’ve never met, but I’ve been a reader since Maddie was born. I don’t comment often, but have supported the March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor and donated to Friends of Maddie. I grieved with your family and will never forget. Just yesterday I was taking pictures of my baby and the image of Maddie smiling in her yellow dress flashed in my mind. I stopped what I was doing and thought about her for a few minutes. She is so bright and beautiful. I’ll never forget. I hope this brings you some small comfort. Thank you for sharing yourselves and your girls with us.
amanda says:
I remember.
I think of you often.
Thank you for sharing your little girl with us.
Becky says:
Nobody should ever be tired of your grief.
I am someone you’ve never met and I remember. Every time I read your blog I look at the pictures of Maddie that you display on the side. Every time I see a purple flower I remember. In the random moments when I’m daydreaming I remember. When I see how amazing you, Mike, and Annie are together, I remember.
People will never forget your family or your beautiful little girl.
Shiree says:
Heather – I too am someone that you do not know but have read your blog every day of the week for the past few years. I remember Maddie (and your entire family) when I pull up your blog, as I always go to google and type in “remembering maddie” to come to this site. I know that I can easily type in the URL – as I know it – but this is my little way of remembering your daughter everyday.
Jenn says:
Personally, I like it when you talk about Maddie….even when you talk about your grief…Not that I want you to be sad & hurting but b/c, I figure if you’re talking about it and the pain of it all, it’s b/c you ARE hurting & you NEED to talk about it. And, that’s okay….it will ALWAYS be okay with me b/c we’re friends….and that’s what friends are for.
I told you the day after Maddie passed I would NEVER forget her, and Heather….I NEVER WILL…..I never will because thanks to you and Mike, I fell in love with this little girl with big beautiful eyes and an easy laugh. I fell in love with your exceptional baby girl and I think about her every day because she has touched my heart and my soul….just like her mama, daddy and sister have!!! xoxo
Jo says:
Sometimes things don’t go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost, green thrives, the crops don’t fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.
A people sometimes will step back from war,
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can’t leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.
Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.
By Sheenagh Pugh
Natalie says:
I found your blog through another blog (which I’ve since dropped from regular reading-sorry) and I read religiously every morning, even weekends. Your blog/family is part of my morning routine, while I sip my coffee and ‘wake up’… a bit of me-time.
I look forward to reading your posts and hearing updates and seeing the videos. At the risk of sounding creepy, I feel like I know you guys. Especially you, Heather because you’re so honest. Too bad you’re so far away, you seem like the best girl friend!
I rarely leave a comment (not sure if I ever have) maybe cause I fear it won’t be read or it’ll be easily passed over but today you really sound like you need to hear it. I think about you daily and I see Maddie’s beautiful face everytime I come over here. Someone else above mentioned Abby Cadabby and I smiled to myself, in agreement.
I echo what other ladies have said in that you and your family will never be forgotten.
Hey, if you’re ever in Canada, hit me up!!
Christine says:
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years although I don’t know that I’ve ever commented on it before. I’ve laughed at your funny stories and the silly things your girls have done and cried for the heartbreaking loss that you’ve experienced. I’m probably part of a legion of people who always think of your sweet Maddie when they hear that Single Ladies song and envision her dancing along with it. Your blog has touched a lot of people and although some of us may not comment on it often (partly because we don’t want to look like stalkers), you can rest assured that Maddie will never be forgotten.
AD says:
Just another stranger who hasn’t forgotten, and won’t.
Tauni says:
I started reading this blog after Maddie’s death and she has touched and changed my life! She has so much strength and is changing lives. YOU and Mike are the ones helping with that. You inspire me. Thank you! I am sorry for your sinking. If I can do ANYTHING, seriously I will try to help any way I can!
Kaitlyn says:
I don’t ever comment but I read every day and so every day I see the pictures of Maddie on the side and I remember her. I love reading about your family and feel privileged to get to watch Annie grow and become such an awesome little girl! Please know that you and your whole family are loved and thought about daily.
Paula says:
Heather,
I’m another stranger who is here every day – reading your posts, laughing and crying.
I never met Maddie, however I do think about her a lot and love to read about her, see her videos, look at her photos. Both of your girls are so adorable and loved by many, many people, and will be forever in our hearts.
Lisa says:
I remember her and always will. No need to worry about your ongoing grief, doesn’t bother me. If I were in your situation, I would always want others to talk about Maddie. You and I may never meet, but I will always visit your blog remember the purple balloons and the big beautiful eyes of Miss Maddie. Wish I could’ve seen them in person. Chin up!! You are doing great under the circumstances. Annie is SUCH proof of that.
Karen says:
Oh, Heather, your little girl had such a reach. Really she did, and she still does. I think of her every time I check in here, every time I see an Abby Cadabby doll. Every time I hear John Mayer’s The Heart of Life I think of your family and of your oldest girl. I wish for her and for you and for all who loved her that she could have stayed. She should not have had to go. But we do remember and are very happy to make sure you know.
meg....ct says:
Thanks for the reminder to reach out to those who are still grieving…who will always be grieving. I never want to be the one to inflict pain, but by omission, I am probably doing just that.
Maddie is a ray of sunshine that could not possible be forgotten…peace to you as you continue your journey.
Nancy Raine Smego says:
Heather, Mike and family: Not a day goes by the Maddie doesn’t cross my mind. If not just for the fact that part of my morning routine is reading your blog, but Maddie is always there. ALWAYS.
Lora says:
I also rarely comment but I DO think of Maddie! Random things like a little girl in yellow like that beautiful picture of her on the side bar or vey single time I hear “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it” from Beyonce make me think of her. Sometimes I worry maybe I’m weird for thinking about your family as often as I do since I don’t know you in real life, but recently I’ve had some readers comment on my blog how much thy care for our family even though I’ve never met them. It’s a beautiful wonderful part of blogging to bring strangers in to your world who can offer encourage ent and support when we are struggling!
Skye says:
I’m so sorry. I truly do think of Maddie all the time and I will never forget her. You do a wonderful job of making sure her memory is honored and not forgotten.
Erica says:
Such a moving post, lovely Heather, I think bout your precious Maddie every single day, I see all the purple flowers in my garden and they remind me of her, I picture her beautiful smile and eyes and her determination and it helps me face the doctor and hospital appointments for my daughter and get on with my day knowing that the World Famous Maddie always made the most out of every day. I remember Maddie throughout my day and think of you all. Maddie made such an impact on my life and will never, ever be forgotten.
electricdaisy says:
I thought of y’all the other day. I’m a server, and a little girl, about 5 years old or so, sat in my section with her Mom and Grandma. Her Mom called her “Maddie Moo” and it made me smile to think of YOUR Maddie Moo.
Also, on a totally superficial note, you looked really beautiful and healthy in that Disneyland video a few days ago. Girl, you got it goin’ on!
Debbie B. says:
Heather, please don’t think that we have forgotten Maddie. I have not, and never will. I sometimes think its strange how much I think about a little girl that I have never met. But all of the beautiful posts you wrote about your precious little girl allowed her to become a small part of my life. Of course life moves on for all of us, but that doesn’t mean that Maddie doesn’t matter to us anymore. Just as I have done for the last three years, I still read your posts first thing every morning and I still go back and look at pictures and read posts about Maddie. We have a plant in our front yard that blooms with purple flowers, which make me think of Maddie every time I walk past it. My twitter screen is purple as are my cell phone cover and laptop cover. There is no time limit on what you are feeling and I am always here to listen and help you carry your grief in whatever way possible. I know its crazy to miss a little girl that I never had the pleasure of meeting, but I do.
Kirsten says:
I remember when she died. I had just started reading your blog. I wrote “MADDIE” in purple on my arm on the day of her funeral. When my class of 2 year olds asked me what it was, I told them it was for a little girl who had been very sick and was now in heaven.
In Johannesburg, South Africa, we get beautiful sunsets. Often they are tinged with purple. Every time they are, I wish I could stop my bike and take a photo for you. I think of them as Maddie Sunsets.
You don’t know me. But I will never forget Maddie. Ever.
Rebecca In NY says:
I remember EVERY day. I never met you or your family personally but I do think of you as family. You are part of my every day. And Maddie is a part of that. I cry with you, I laugh with you and on those days that you are low, I wish I could be there to tell you that you are not alone and that what you are feeling is okay, that even those of us that never met Maddie are still mourning her every day. That we know how the sadness of her not being here affects us and that we can’t even imagine what it feels like for you so we are here to hear you and support you.
Susan says:
I remember.
I believe I always will.
You have done an amazing job of making Maddie memorable.
Sara says:
I remember. You and your family have a remarkable story and strange as it sounds, I think of you all often.
Sending you an e-hug and lots of good energy.
-Sara
Hallie says:
We won’t forget Maddie!
AngieM. says:
i will always remember.
i don’t know the pain you suffered, but when my 1 year old niece passed away earlier this year..it was reading your posts about maddie that helped me.
though i might not post often, this is the first thing i read in the morning as soon as i get to work. i think of you everyday.
xoxo
Trisha says:
We will never forget!!
Allison F. says:
Heather –
I started reading your blog right before Maddie passed away…I was struggling with infertility and chronic illness and felt so far away from your reality. Today, I have a just about 10 month old baby boy, and my how I look at life differently. Everytime I read a post where you are sad, I cry. I think of losing my baby and can’t fathom it. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
I do pray to Maddie all the time. I know of several folks who have lost children in utero or because of being born too early and I pray to those babies too. Whenever I imagine heaven, I imagine Maddie as the leader of the pack, the caretaker if you will. Many times while pregnant, I asked her to watch over my little guy and be his guardian angel to keep him safe. I will never forget her.
AF
Cathy says:
Heather – I have never commented but have read your blog since before Maddie died. I’m not sure what draws me to your site everyday, but something does. I imagine part of it is your honesty with us. It’s obvious from all the comments that you and Mike, Maddie, and Annie are very loved. Many will NEVER forget your Maddie and will never tire of hearing about her from you or Mike. I will continue to pray for all of you. I will especially pray that you will feel relief from your grief. I also pray that you will allow yourself to feel joy and happiness.
Leah says:
I remember Maddie, have never met you. Your mama heart is so transparent and beautiful. And your Maddie is so beautiful as well. I could never forget your Maddie. You have made her, through your posts, everyone’s Maddie.
Lisa says:
Oh Heather. Sending so much love and many hugs your way. I remember her, every day. When I look at the purple flowers in my garden, when my 1 year old does her little “bust a move” action that is so much like Maddie, every time I see your name or face around the interwebs. She touched my heart and I will never forget her.
Melissa says:
Heather, I think about Maddie every day, and I’ve never even met her or you. I’m not a mom and (thankfully) my life has been mostly free of grief, so I don’t even have a similar circumstance – a reason – to think about her and you, but I do anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if you’re thinking about her. Of course you are. But when your posts sound so happy, I don’t want to say something that might pull you back into that place. Yesterday I happened to click on the flickr photos you’ve got on the side there, and landed on one of Maddie in her jammies, with her hair done up, holding a comb and just grinning like crazy. It made me want to comment, but I didn’t want to remind you if you’d managed to forget how sad you are for just a moment. So I didn’t say anything.
I never promised to remember Madeline, way back when, but I do anyway. It’s because your writing gives her so much life and beauty, I’m sort of captivated by her. And I imagine, even 15, 20, 30 years from now, long after I’ve stopped reading about Maddie, I’ll still remember her.
Maddie’s not here, but her legacy definitely is. We remember.
Erin says:
Oh Heather, I remember Maddie. I think of her all the time. Your post about her being in love with Matt Lauer is one of the top 10 things I have ever read on the internet, EVER. She was a funny, beautiful, smart girl, and we are all lucky that you shared her life with us. Even though I have never met you in person I am here for you, and I am sending you my good thoughts today.
Kristin says:
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way Heather. I met you at the March of Dimes walk this year and I still think about Maddie. Just last night I was looking for a shirt to put on after getting out of the pool with my boys and I found the “Friends of Maddie” shirt in my drawer I found your blog a few years ago through a friend who went to NPHS and something clicked (no pun intended); I’ve been following ever since. I hug my boys a little tighter each day and remember to soak up the great moments (and even the not-so-great ones). You are an inspiration. Know that there are a lot of us who may not always say it, but it’s in our hearts- Maddie will always be remembered. It’s because of this blog that when I see purple (which is my 3-year old’s favorite color), one of the first thoughts in my mind is remembering Maddie. I hope the comments on here are enough of a “life preserver” for you. Take care
tara says:
hi heather. i’m one of those people that promised to never forget maddie or your family and i haven’t. i don’t comment as much as i used to, but i still read your blog and i still think of you all every day. sending you hugs + love today, as much as ever.
Natalie says:
Heather,
I’ve been reading your blog for several months now. I read it every day. I look forward to hearing about Annie’s exploits, but I also look forward to seeing Maddie’s smiling face too, in the Mamarazzi strip over on the right. I wish she could still be there with you, laughing and playing along with you and Mike and Annie, and making new pictures and memories. I can’t imagine the loss you must feel without her. I keep wishing. Sometimes my older boy makes a big, wide grin that makes me think of her, and I wish. Whenever I see a little girl wearing purple I think of her, and I wish.
How could anyone forget such a lovely special girl as Maddie? I never will. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing her with all of us.
-Natalie
Rachel says:
I never forget. I read your post every morning and I remember her. I remember her randomly through out my week. I never know what causes me to remember her, sometimes she just pops into my head.
twingles says:
I don’t know you either, but I read your blog every day and you do a great job getting the essence of Maddie across. Of course everyone knows there’s is nothing like a 17 month old baby, so it’s easy to imagine what she was like. And anyone who has ever loved a child undestands what she meant to you.
Laura says:
I started reading your blog when Maddie passed. I read back quite a bit too and now I read your blog almost every day (one of the very few that I do read). Your words and Mike’s words really resonate with me and your experience has caused me to look at my children differently. I spend a bit more time with them each day, put down work a little bit more, appreciate their goofiness a little bit more because of your Maddie. She has touched my life in a way that is impossible to descibe. I feel like I’m a better mother and person for having ‘met’ your family. I feel your loss of such a great person and I remember her every day.
Traci says:
I haven’t ever actually met you. I started reading your blog when March of Dimes made the announcement on their website of Maddie’s passing. I read your blog every day and I am sad when Friday arrives because I know I there won’t be anymore posts until Monday. And on Monday, when I turn on my computer, your blog is the first thing I check. Now, I know you’re probably thinking “oook… creeper”, but I’m a mother of 3 preemies and I relate to you in so many ways and my kids love Maddie and Annie videos. They want to know who the baby is (Maddie) and they laugh uncontrollably at Annie. We usually have to watch new videos at least 10 times. We love your family especially Maddie. Thank you for opening a window into your lives and letting us in a for a few minutes each day with your blog.
Nicole says:
I remember. Almost every day. (((((HUGS!!!!)))))
Sherry says:
I can’t begin to imagine how many lives Maddie’s has touched, thousands might not be enough. I can say in all honesty that though I only know your lives from our blog, I think about little Maddie often. Her picture is etched in my mind, I think I’ll blame her cuteness for that. I see little girls who resemble her and then I’ll say a quick little prayer (a messy prayer, but a prayer nonetheless).
Another blog I read had a post yesterday the had a sentence in it that rings true for many. She was talking about changing the subject for a friend who’s got heartache. But she writes “the subject in your heart just can’t up and change”. So you can fake that smile but your heart still feels the ache no matter what. I imagine this is something you experience daily. I’m sorry for that.
Heather says:
Heather,
I don’t often comment here but today I felt that I had to because I want you to know that I will never forget Maddie either. You and your family are in my thoughts often. I hug my little boy just a little bit tighter and say a prayer, knowing just how much you and Mike must be missing your beautiful little girl. I know we will probably never meet face to face, being from opposite sides of the continent, but I want you to know that you have given us all a special gift by sharing Maddie and Annie with us..thank you.
Shannon B says:
I remember. Who could forget that beautiful child?
Meg says:
We will always remember your beautiful girl. Hugs to you and your family.
Sarah says:
I remember.
I think of Maddie- of all of you- very often.
Annalisa says:
This.
Issa says:
I remember.
jen says:
I remember too.
Stacey says:
I remember and find myself thinking of you often… Despite not knowing you. We rarely understand God’s path and I wonder why he’s gave you such a tough one. It hardly seems fair, but you just have to believe.
Angi says:
I’ve never met you. I didn’t know Maddie. But, through your words and pictures, I felt your love, pain and loss. I remember Maddie when I see purple. I remember Maddie when I see little girls in yellow outfits. I remember Maddie when I hear the Beatles…most because of her daddy. Her smile, your beautiful words, and that twinkle in her eye…she is still so loved.
Megan@TrueDaughter says:
I remember, and think of Maddie and her beautiful family everday, and it makes me hug mine, be grateful for mine…she had important work to do, and she did it for many…
Danielle says:
“On the days when I feel like no one remembers, I cling to the words of the people who promised they always would.”
And I do, even though I don’t know you personally and even though I rarely (never) comment. Whenever I see something purple, my thoughts still go straight to Maddie, even if it’s only for a second. Your stories made and make such an impression on me, I doubt I’ll ever forget.
Autumn Canter says:
I think about your Maddie quite often. Often in tandem with my brother, as your website acted as my lodestone through my own grieving. I use your insights to better understand my mother who still counts every single monday since my brother died. Most of the time, I am happy and then my grief hits me out of nowhere. The world seems far too painful when the knowledge that he is gone comes to the forefront of my mind. Sometimes I am almost consumed with panic. Wondering how I can go on when loss and grief is inevitable. I sometimes look through pictures of Maddie as ones I haven’t seen appear on your website. I think of you and Mike and wish I could scoop up your pain and rock it in my arms like a baby. Maybe that’s a bit weird! I think of you both often!
Miche says:
Oh Heather, I know we will never meet, but I followed your blog even before everything with Maddie, and I think about her and your family often when tucking my own kids into bed and especially if I see a bit of purple somewhere. I never comment on here, but I’ve been here, and I don’t think there will ever be a time that I stop thinking of her. What you went through with Maddie-your pregnancy and her death- made me a much more grateful person in all aspects of my parenting. The little girl we are adopting is going to have a purple room here in our house. Hugs to you!
Allison says:
I remember Maddie, all the time. And I know the feelings you are talking about.
My aunt lost her son four years ago. She tells me about her “loser friends”, as they call themselves. As in, her other friends who have had loss who realize that your loss is not something you pass through, but something that stays with you and becomes part of who you are. People whose loved one and loss she always remembers, and who remember hers. I’m so lucky to have my “loser Aunt” to support me since losing my mom.
Kelly says:
I started reading your blog in June of 2007. My daughter came home to live with us via foster adoption in July of 2007, at 13 months old. Trying to find people to connect with with babies or toddlers, I stumbled upon your blog. I read through your pregnacy, your bed rest, your hospital stays, Maddie’s birth, and NICU stay. I was here reading with every Maddie update.
I don’t comment with every post, but I think of you guys, and your beautiful girls every day.
There is a little piece of Madeline in my heart that will never, ever go away.
Jessica Makuh says:
I remember. In fact, I wore my Friends of Maddie shirt just yesterday. My daughter, Lauren, had her third open heart surgery on Monday at Cincinnati Children’s Medical Center and while I was packing for her hospital stay, I knew one shirt I really wanted to bring for myself was my Friends of Maddie shirt.
Dana says:
Hi Heather,
As many others have said before me, you don’t know me either. I live on the other side of the country from you, our paths have never crossed, I’ve never lost a child. Yet, I began following your story, Maddie’s story, shortly after she passed. I think I was alerted to your blog from Matt Logelin’s blog. Apparently I follow sadness on the Internet?? Anyway, I’ve thought of Maddie daily since then. I’ve never commented before, but something about your post today implored me to let you know she isn’t forgotten. I go to your blog every morning. And the weekend has been a special treat sometimes with the yummy recipes – not that I ever made one, but I have a whole bunch bookmarked. I just lack follow thru I’m a little upset that Annie seems to be getting better at the thumbs up…it’s always a treat to wonder which finger she will put up after taste testing
Lots of people are thinking of you, Maddie, Mike and Annie. We are thinking of your little bean and your friend Jackie! You are so strong and have endured so much. Life’s not fair. But we are pulling for you. Take care of yourself.
Love, another Internet stranger
Lindsey says:
Yeah, what she said!
annettek says:
I remember Maddie pretty often, especially when I see purple flowers. I’m sorry you’re hurting so badly. I wish I had something better to say. xo
Zelda says:
How could ANYBODY forget Maddie? I started reading your blog because she reminded me of Lucille Ball (if Lucille Ball had been in a parenting-related blog as a baby), and because of my brother, who died of prematurity-related stuff before he made it back from the hospital when I was five. It really is something you carry with you all your life. My favorite entry is where you gave her the credit card, especially that one picture captioned “CHARGE IT!!!” It never ever fails to make me smile!
I always feel weird commenting though, because not only am I a stranger, I’m also probably not even in your intended audience. I’m an animator with a webcomic, I’m not really into that whole settling-down-with-a-family scene, and I’m pretty bad at being sentimental. Your blog is just so well-written it’s like watching a sitcom. Actually, I think you and Mike write better than most sitcom screenwriters these days do.
And yes, I think of Maddie too whenever Single Ladies comes on. Especially when Mike O’Malley danced to it on Glee.
Tara says:
Oh Heather! I think of you guys every day, because every day I think about the son I lost and I know I am not alone.
I don’t want to sound creepy, but just honest: when I cry all alone at night, I think about other women who have lost their children, who might be crying in bed too at that very moment. We will never, ever forget Maddie nor think for a second that your grief is over.
If I were in CA, I’d run over to give you a hug!
Valerie says:
I am not sure if I have any great words of comfort. But I can say this…I have poured through your archives (as I didn’t become a regular reader until you were pregnant with Annie). And I can feel how special Maddie was. And because of your openness and honesty about the loss of Maddie, I value being a parent much more. I often see Maddie’s face in my mind when I am doing the most mundane of things, and I am grateful I see her beautiful smile that I remember from photographs, because it frequently reminds me how perfect a baby is, and how much I take things in life for granted. I am glad to have this window into your life. And I can only imagine what loosing a child would be like, but I do know that Maddie will always be remembered.
Sara says:
I remember. I never comment, but I still read every post and wish you and your family the best.
Jeanie says:
I’m glad you found somewhere to ease your grief, even a little. I can’t imagine your pain and can’t tell you how sorry I am you have to go through this. Be assured that people DO remember your precious Maddie. Blessings to you.
Donna P says:
Maddie has left a legacy, Heather, that will never be forgotten. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that you and Mike have gone through, and continue to experience. I read your blog daily too. Thank you for sharing your family and daily lives. You are such an inspiration.
Lindsey says:
I’m not a big commenter, but a religious reader, and I haven’t forgotten either. When I tell my husband a story about you guys I say, you know, Maddie Spohrs mom? And he knows. So count us in for always remembering. Xoxo
Michelle says:
I remember too…I share her birthday, and we all shared one afternoon in a park, and that little girl made her mark on us, on my little family. She will not be forgotten. I will never have another birthday without remembering that sweet little angel girl in the park that lit up the whole place. Our Maddie Monster joins my boys regularly for sleep and every time I see her tucked up in the bed, I say good night to Maddie too. The only time in my life I painted my nails a color other than red/pink (traditionalist) was in honor of Maddie. It was the first purple bottle I picked up at the salon OPI “Purple with a Purpose”….and had to smile and cry at the same time … If ther EVER was a purpose…. Every time I see purple nail polish I think of her and you and how unthinkable it is that such pain can be bearable and yet you do, Mike does…and it is not fair. It never will be. And oh how that makes my heart hurt. She is a special soul, that Maddie. She has a purpose. She is not forgotten. The pain is not forgotten.
Suzanne L. says:
Heather, I read your blog every day. I came across it the week Maddie died, and I have cried along with you as you go through this life journey without her. There are times when I see how much fun you are having with Annie but I just know that you will always have a piece of you missing without your other precious daughter. As a mother my heart is always going out to you. It is my hope and prayer that your joys will continue to heal you and that your sorrow, though it will never completely go away, will ease with each passing day.
Paola says:
Heather, I think of you and pray for you daily. Xoxo
Amy says:
I’ve never commented on here before because I never feel like my words would be right. But I read your blog everyday, I come here everyday because I remember Maddie, her gorgeous eyes and joy filled beautiful smile and contagious laugh. I come here too because you and Mike inspire me to be better, make me laugh, make me cry and make me feel. I am inspired by the beautiful life you are creating for Annie with so much love and laughter. I feel kind of selfish that I have never commented before but from a distance I have held you in my heart and thought of you daily and wanted so much for you. Even though I’ve never met you or Maddie, my life has been forever touched by her and I will never forget her.
Shawna says:
Heather ~
Oh! Maddie is remembered!
You don’t know me in real life, you don’t know me on the computer…I don’t have a blog, but I read yours religiously! And, since you don’t know me, I’ve always felt a bit like a stalker coming here and thinking about your family so often! Don’t worry, I’m not a stalker
I have a Maddie (Madison), also, who I called Madeline one day because I think of your little girl so often. My Maddie is almost 17 months old, which means I think of Madeline MORE often right now!
Maddie will always be remembered. She is a beautiful, precious little girl, whom I am so blessed to have known through your words. Thank you.
You, Mike and Annie are beautiful, loving, admirable people and your blog is heartfelt and a great inspiration. My thoughts are always with you and your family. I only hope for the best for you, Mike and Annie…and any additions that WILL come along one day.
Much love from a loyal reader and would be friend.
pgoodness says:
Ah, my friend, I think of her, my boys ask about her, and the color purple IS her. I’m so proud of you, what you’ve done and how you’ve lived with your loss. She’ll never be forgotten and your grief won’t be either. xo
Lindsey says:
I remember well when my sister who is always light years ahead of me in everything, esp technological things, told me about blogs. I thought “who would want to read a stranger’s diary?”. Then I read yours and understood. It amazed me (and still does) how reading daily posts from an incredible mom and dad who have been through so much resonated with me. I’ve had my own share of grief but fortunately, never the loss of a child. I have a good friend, though, who lost her 5 year old daughter to a very rare and aggressive disease and I have learned so much from you about how to be there for her. You have done sooooo much for sooooo many people but I would venture to say, the thing you have done the most and the best (in my opinion) is sharing what LOVE is (through your memories of Maddie, in particular). I, like all those writers above me, will never forget that darling Maddie in the yellow dress!!! She is forever ingrained in my heart. Virtual hugs and many prayers from Atlanta.
KaraB says:
I think of your sweet smiling Maddie and will continue to do so. She is a beautiful little girl who has touched a lot of lives.
Christina says:
I remember. Always. xo.
Erin says:
don’t be scared. we remember her in south carolina.
Eliza says:
Yes we do!!!
Nikki P. says:
My life has moved on, but Maddie hasn’t been forgotten! Every time I hear any of the songs you put on her tribute video, I think of your family. When my daughter was born last year, purple was the color I choose for her nursery and I thought of Maddie. It may not be everyday, but it is often that I think of your family and pray only for blessings on your life
Funsize says:
It’s funny how time moves on, for everyone except you. The “milestone” days, the first 6 months, year, etc without your baby, are never gotten by you, but to most it is just another day.
I remember Maddie, I will never forget her.
Christine says:
Heather, I read your blog every single day and have since the day Maddie passed away. I love reading about you and Mike and Annie and Rigby and will never forget about Maddie. I think she is the cutest thing I have ever laid eyes on.
Andrea says:
Time moves on for many after the death of a loved one, but when you feel the loss as deeply as a parent does when losing a child, time seems to stop at times. Whenever I see a set of toddler twin boys, my heart literally pauses, as I wonder if both of my twin sons would have survived birth is this what my life would have been like? I am forever grateful for my little boy that is in my arms, but my heart is forever missing my other son in heaven. I will remember Maddie.
Christine says:
Heather, I may not comment but I still read your blog almost every single day. I remember and I will for as long as I possibly can. I just can’t promise that I’ll remember when I’m 90 years old!
Jessica Ortega says:
Heather I may have never met Miss Maddie and I may never meet you but she will always be in my heart. May God bless you and your family and may he guide you through this tough journey.
Jen says:
I remember your sweet Maddie and think of her every time I see purple.
Darby says:
I remember. The first thing I do during the week when I turn on my computer is read your blog. My husband, who’s not a blog reader, knows you all by name and he knows all about Maddie. As someone said above, I’ve worn a March for Maddie t-shirt when I know I need a little extra courage. And I work for a grant-funded project that aims to improve outcomes for babies and pregnant women. Maddie is absolutely on my mind as I do the work that I do.
Shelly says:
I remember.
I am a stranger from across the ocean, and I will always remember Maddie. Always. Her smile, your words, her photos. She was magic.
Margaret says:
Heather, my sorrows are silent… not forgetting, not moving on, just quiet grief for your Maddy. I’m sorry Maddy is gone. I don’t comment everyday, but the pencil sketch of Maddie hangs above my desk.You have shown some of us how to live with agony. It is not expected of you. Many of us came to support you, but you have helped us by sharing your lives. I don’t know how you have done so much, lived so much. The quiet is not forgetting, sometimes it is silent because the pain is the same and can no longer bare to be heard.
jessica says:
I remember maddie every day….
Leah says:
I think about Maddie a lot, that beautiful girl. And I treasure every moment with my children, even poop-bedecked moments, all because you shared Maddie’s story with us.
Sally says:
Nearly four years from the loss of my own daughter, I absolutely could not have said this better myself. From one bereaved mother to another, my heart goes out to you Heather. I will never forget your Maddie girl.
xo
karen says:
Heather, I only know you, Mike, Maddie and Annie through your blog. I read every day, and don’t comment as often as I should. You and Mike are incredible parents. I think of your family often, and will never forget Maddie. Her legacy lives on through you, Mike, Annie and all of us who have you all in our hearts.
k says:
I remember Maddie. I will always.
Bryn says:
Heather…
Nothing I can say can change anything, but…I want you to know your little angel will never be forgotten. I never even got to meet her, and it is crazy, but I think that I think of her every day. And you. And Mike. And your families. How can that be? I think it is the power of your words, the strength of your feelings…When you are feeling super down, please know that your precious girl is in so many people’s thoughts. Of course, I wish she was in your arms instead. Much love to you…
Your cousin Bryn
Christine says:
Timely. I was just watching Conan and he showed a clip of a little boy who stopped watching his iPad to watch the intro. I came over to show my husband Maddie and her love of Ellen and Matt Lauer.
I think of Maddie whenever I pass purple wild flowers. It makes me smile almost every time. Sending you and Mike (and Annie too!) so much love.
Eliza says:
I think about you all the time. I think about Maddie all the time. I check in here frequently. I think you’re amazing. Always have. Always will. I will always hurt for you. From a distance. But real all the same. I wonder how she would be with Annie. And I wish for you you could have known.
jess says:
Not true. You were brought into my life before Maddie died. I don’t remember exactly when but it was about two weeks before she died. Then she was gone and I was heartbroken. I just didn’t understand it. The brief time I got to read about her she just lit up my life. I was going through such a rough time, missing my gram and having just lost my job, been in a car accident and just miserable and she was there.
I’ve followed through your grieving, cried over your posts. When you post about your gram I do skip those because it reminds me of my gram too much and that hurts. You were close to her just like I was to mine. I followed your pregnancy with Annie, the ups and downs and looked forward to the monthly pictures of growth, I love learning about her and seeing her grow. I love reading Mike’s posts and learning from him.
But I remember. And you know what? I understand. It will be 10 years since I lost my gram. My aunt and uncle are moving and cleaning out the house and my gram lived with them. They said their kids (20, 19, 14, 12) want nothing of hers. I cried. Don’t they remember?
Never think we don’t remember. No matter how far in the grieving process you are we will always remember with you. I don’t have your address but if I did you can bet on Maddie’s birthday you would get a card, on mother’s day, I’d send you a card. Because I remember. And even in 10 years if you’d stop your blog or the internet shuts down (lord have mercy) I’d still remember.
Michelle Miro Higgins says:
I remember her and your family. I first found you after the lose of my oldest son and reading your post has helped me feel connected to someone. I now have a living son and I feel even more connected with you and your family. Just remember that just up the west coast there are people remembering your Maddie.
Meg says:
Maddie’s life will always matter, in part because you have created and continue to create a beautiful memorial for her. You are an amazing mom, and she was lucky to have you. And we are lucky to hear her story.
kris (lower case) says:
i remember everyday when i come to read your blog. i can’t imagine th epain you went thru and will always go thru to some extent. people will always remember even if they don’t tell you.
anita says:
Heather, for some reason I am internet lazy. I don’t book mark pages and I take short cuts rather than type in web addresses. Every day I check in on the Spohrs and I do so by typing “remember Maddie” in my google search because the first hit is your blog.
So I remember Maddie virtually everyday. And I really do.
I hate that you have this inescapable pain. Sending much love and always remembering your sweet girl.
Jillian says:
It’s sort of funny to read this today because as I was walking in LA, I saw purple flowers and thought of Maddie. Whenever I see purple flowers, I tend to think of Maddie, more often than not. I see a LOT of purple flowers. I think of her often.
Norma says:
Heather,
Every day I remember. I think of her and your family at odd times, I see you pictures and I think what would it be like if…I don’t comment every day, but every day I never forget.
Kayla says:
I remember Maddie. Dear, sweet Maddie. Her life, though over, was a light that shone so brightly that it can never be completely extinguished, no matter how many decades will come to pass.
I will remember your Madeline Alice Spohr, always.
Elissa says:
I remember. Though I never met her, or you, I remember. I know it means the world to my brother and sister in law that people remember their daughter Karissa. I watch your journey and ache for you in much the same way I ache for my brother and his wife. I don’t pretend to know the pain you experience, but I do know the pain of watching people I love go thru the never ending, ever evolving, agony of grieving for their child. I know the pain of missing my niece, so I feel for your family in a special way. I remember my niece Karissa and your sweet Maddie as well. Karissa died of SUDEP (Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy) July 8, 2008. Her mommy’s blog is here: http://thegreekmama.blogspot.com/
Stephanie Ansley says:
Hi Heather,
Like so many others here, I feel like even though I have never met nor will ever meet you or your family, you and yours have become a part of my own family. I think in the 4 years I’ve been reading your blog (since right after Maddie Moo was born), I’ve commented twice and just once on your Facebook after your miscarriage. I wanted to come out of the shadows today to remind you, again like so many other, that we promise Maddie will never be forgotten. For 4 years, your blog has been the first part of my day. My husband and I talk about you guys like we would our own family. My mom is a NICU nurse and I tell her about your work with the March of Dimes all the time. My sister’s birthday is the same as Annie’s, and her daughter was born last year on Maddie’s birthday and I could not get over how amazing that was, or stop telling her about it. Every. single. time. I see purple I think of Maddie and smile. I was devastated when she passed and cried, literally, for weeks, and I will never fully recover. I felt as though I lost one of my own, somehow.
Your life has been a part of mine for so long now that I feel like this is my extended family, and I could never ever forget or stop thinking about anyone in my family. You, Mike, Annie, and especially Maddie will always be a part of me now… your story has made me a stronger person and taught me so much about how precious life is. I can never thank you enough for any of that.
We all love you and every Spohr more than you could ever know.
Sylvie says:
I always think of Maddie, every day when I come to your site, and when I hold my little boy. He’s just 14 months and the closer he gets to 17 months, the more I think of you and Maddie.
Laura says:
I think of all of you daily even though I only “know” you from the internet.
Kate says:
Hi Heather,
I rarely comment but I read your blog every day and have been for many years. I will always remember Maddie.
Kate
Gamanda says:
I keep trying to think of something wonderful to say that will bring you out of this slippery slope, but I have no magical words.
I still read you everyday, but rarely comment. It’s not b/c of what you write, more b/c of my own issues. I always wonder what my one more comment would really help.
I read all of your posts and I remember. I started following you shortly after my first was born, which was right around the time Maddie died. I sobbed for your loss, even at work. Everyone here knows about Maddie.
The main reason I stayed and continue reading and thinking of Maddie is because I would want the same for my child. I would never want anyone to forget that my children were here and they were amazing should anything ever happen to them. Maddie will always live on, and you are doing an amazing job in continuing her legacy. I think your family has touched countless other families and made us all strive to be better parents and love hard every day.
Chantel says:
I remember. I will always remember. Whenever I see Purple (also my favorite color) I remember. When I see balloons I remember because my family released balloons in Maddie’s honor. On my rear view dashboard I keep the purple lei that I received at my first March of Dimes walk in honor of Maddie. Everytime I get in my car I smile knowing how much Maddie touched this world. xoxo
Elaine H says:
Hi Heather — I didn’t get a chance to send a note yesterday, but I’ve been thinking about your post ever since. Maddie and my daughter Riley had matching pajamas. You once posted a photo of Maddie wearing blue ballerina pjs from the Gap. I smiled at the time, because we had the same pair. Every time that my daughter wore them, I thought of beautiful Maddie with a big grin. When Maddie died, the pjs took on a new significance. They reminded me of Maddie and your family, the roller-coaster of love and loss, happy times and times of heartbreak. When they grew too small for Riley, I tucked them away until my younger daughter was big enough for them to fit. They are still in our rotation, a bit shop worn, but treasured. Time passes, but Maddie’s spirit lives on in our family. It always will.
Lora says:
Every time I read your blog, which is basically 5 days a week, I think about your Maddie. Sometimes it’s a happy or a funny remembrance, sometimes I feel the pang of grief I felt when I first learned of her passing. I never met your family and we aren’t even online friends, but I follow your story and I remember and I care.
Brooke Jarrett says:
Oh Heather… I remember, every single day, even though I’ve never met you and your wonderful family, I think of you guys every single day… I wish I could help in some other way… I wish I could bring you a moment of peace… We may never meet, but you are near and dear to my heart… So is your beautiful never to be forgotten Maddie!!! And the rest of your family!!!
Brooke says:
I remember.
I came across your blog via another blog on Maddie’s second birthday and I haven’t left.
I’m overwhelmed by your honesty and vulnerability. Many of your posts have brought me to tears. Thank you for continuing to let us in when it would be easier not to.
I think of Maddie very often. Purple is my favorite color. My daughter is 10 days older than Maddie and purple is her favorite color too.
Eva says:
And remember her we always will.
Jessica says:
Dear Heather – I think about your Maddie every single day. She is loved and remembered. I am so sorry that she is not here with you any more. xo
Expat Mom says:
I didn’t “meet” you until after Maddie passed, but I got to know her through your previous blog posts. I remember.
Susan A says:
Heather- I remember. I will always remember. Your Maddie touched my heart. Hugs.
Alexandra says:
Knowing about your Madeline has changed me. I could never forget her.
Mary Ann says:
I think about Maddie often. I look back at her pictures and re-read old posts and I wonder how you ever had the strength to go on. I never met Maddie but she made a huge impact on my life – and I will always remember her sweet smiling face. My favorite video is the one of her and Mike making music together. The hardest part of life goes on, is life goes on, that is so true. Just today I realized it is almost 8 years since I lost my father – I miss him more with each passing day, and still find it hard to not to cry when I think of him. I cannot possibly imagine what you go through daily. I know how much it means to me when someone remembers my Dad with kind words – and I want you to know that your sweet little angel will always have a special place in my heart. She is not forgotten.
Sarah kate says:
I wear purPle every year. I don’t photograph it or tell you about it, I just do it. What I should have and wanted to tell you is on that very purple day I saw ‘baby duhs’. Randomly, almost inexplicably, baby ducks, and I knew she felt us all.
Sarah kate says:
Last year.
Michelle says:
Heather, I think of Maddie often and her sweet smile. You don’t know me, but I read your blog each day. I love to hear about your cutie pie Annie and your adorable Maddie. I cannot imagine your sorrow, but know that we never tire of hearing about your girl or your grief. You are incredibly strong everyday. Your extended family – your readers – are here through the sad days and the happy ones.
Melissa says:
I still remember. Every time I see an Abby Cadabby doll/toy/book, I think of your Maddie.
Jenn72 says:
A wise woman once said “The hardest part of life is living”.
Your grief is our grief, the internet has made it so.
Maddie will go on, she will be remembered through google searches and blog tags. Her light will still shine in cyberspace.
Don’t let yourself sink, but if you do you, know you have a legion of purple people that will pull you back up.
Kate says:
Every single time I come to your blog I remember. I remember in my everyday life as well. I think about you all and Maddie. It is kind of weird thinking about people you have never met in real life but I do and I do so often. I just don’t write about it or comment very often. Hang in there.
LisaJ says:
I came to your page after she was gone, and fell in love with her. I wear purple now; I look awful in purple, but I feel like it’s ok to look awful in purple for such a good reason. I think about all of you in quiet moments and loud moments, and I have never met you. I think of her when I watch The Today Show, hear Ellen Degeneres, and watch my 2.5 year old on her little red piano,
None of us is sick of your grief…we just wish you didn’t have a reason to live it. We wish she was still here.
xoxo
LisaJ
Monica says:
I remember here in NY!
Angela says:
I always picture you with a gaping hole in your side. I will never not think of you without thinking of your loss. It’s a part of you, always.
I’m not sick of reading about Maddie. I’m amazed at how well you can function, with a gaping hole in your side.
AmazingGreis says:
I remember, ALWAYS! I still, to this day, wear purple to work every Tuesday
Love you all!!
Amy says:
I think of Maddie everyday. I have a purple ribbon on my dresser tied to a pretty perfume bottle. Each morning when I get ready, I look at the ribbon and think of her precious face, sparkling eyes and beautiful smile. I have never met you, but like so many others, feel as though I know you. You continue to be in my thoughts. xo
Lisa says:
Reading your blog and keeping up with your family have become part of my daily routine also; I think about Maddie, I love to see how Annie is growing up and think about you, Mike and even Rigby often. You have created this great community in which we all care a lot about your family. Sending love to you…
Colleen says:
I still, and will, remember. Love to you.
Auntie_M says:
You don’t know me, but I remember: and I always will. Maddie captivated my heart….and my heart broke with you when I logged on and learned the horrible news.
And while you might feel that you can’t expect expect anyone to put their own down troubles down to carry yours for a while, I’m going to boldly contradict you: you’ll be surprised how many of your IRL and cyber friends would willingly lift you up on their shoulders or prop you up between them and carry you.
Because, you see, we don’t just remember & love Maddie, we remember & love you too, Heather, her mommy who loves her forever & a day.
I can’t tell you how many times I read this blog and watch vicariously as you & Mike joyfully parent Annie and sit in amazement because I know you love Annie with all your hearts. But I also know you love Maddie with all your hearts. So somehow your hearts are wholly in 2 places at once. And I admire you greatly for that.
So if at times you need to be carried, so you can rest, if you need to
“burden” others with your memories & sadness (which are not a burden!), if you need to break down & cry for your precious one who is not here–we get it, and we love you & admire you just the same.
elissa says:
I remember and think about you and your girls everyday.
brit says:
I remember.
Rachel R. says:
I found your blog when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I was not even a mother yet, but your words made me a better one. I think of Maddie all the time. When my daughter laughs or does something that shocks me because HOW IS SHE BIG ENOUGH TO DO THAT? I think of Maddie and everything she missed. You missed.
I am so glad you have your Annie. But I remember Maddie and pray for you and your family every night. I can’t imagine a time that I won’t think of her. Your loss and her life touched me in a way I cannot even explain. Please know that.