The urge to lay on the couch or in bed all day is overwhelming. The one thing I look forward to each day is getting the mail. We are getting so many amazing cards, letters, drawings, photographs, just things that take my breath away. I will share them all at some point.
Mike picked up the mail from our personal mailbox today. There were several envelopes from the March of Dimes stating that donations to their general fund had been made in Madeline’s name. We received two sample ballots (ANOTHER election, California? Jeez.). And in a small white envelope, there were five sheets of multi-colored paper folded in half.
Death certificates. Maddie’s death certificates.
It took six months for California to send me an unemployment check, but it can turn around a death certificate in two weeks.
They listed her occupation (yeah, occupation) as “infant.” Under marital status it said, “never married.”
I didn’t know the exact time she passed. 6:57 pm. I’m not sure if knowing the time makes things better or worse.
There were four immediate causes of death.
a) Pulmonary Hypertensive Crisis
b) Pneumonia
c) Chronic Lung Disease
d) Prematurity
And three contributing factors
Pneumothorax, Asthma, Refractory Shock
Please excuse me for not googling/linking to term explanations. I just…can’t.
We’re supposed to get report cards and college acceptance letters in the mail. Not this.
I don’t even have a copy of her birth certificate.
haitian-american family of three says:
I am so very sorry.
haitian-american family of three’s last blog post..Happy Easter and Passover!
Janine says:
I share your heartbreak and I am so sorry that you have lost your precious little girl. My son died almost 2 years ago, I remember the letters and emails keeping me going, and I too remember the day we received his death certificate. There are no words to describe the pain and heartbreak of losing a child, all I can say is be kind to yourself and take it one hour at a time. You are in my thoughts. Janine xx
Janine’s last blog post..
Kristin says:
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers!
Debbie in Memphis says:
I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you, Mike and your families.
Sarah Joy says:
That’s a lot to go through for one little girl. My heart aches for you.
My Dad passed away on March 17th. We have yet to receive his death certificates. I’m starting to think I never want to get them.
Brenna says:
I don’t know what to say beyond I’m sorry. My heart breaks for your loss. I will never forget.
Stephanie says:
I am sorry that you had to receive those pieces of paper.
Bec says:
I’m so, so, so, so sorry – there aren’t enough so’s in the world
Bec’s last blog post..Tomorrow
Jamie S says:
Ugh, hard swallow… you are right those are not good papers to receive. It should be report cards, birthday invitations and college acceptance papers to USC. I am so sorry that you had to receive those.
IowaJenny says:
Your strength and willingness to continue living for the legacy of your precious Maddie will give you the courage to pull through… again sending our love and prayers to support you as you face each day, one day at a time.
Jen says:
I’m so very, very sorry.
Jen’s last blog post..Giveaway!
Corinne says:
I cry over your loss everyday. I have a little one, a month older than your Maddie. He is a PPROM baby too, which is why my heart just bleeds for you and Mike. I know what you two went through waiting for her arrival. I’m so sorry you had her for such a short time. My prayers, tears, and thoughts are with you.
Krissa - another one of your readers says:
Although I only know you through the wonderful blog you have created, I have thought about Maddie and your family every day since I read of her passing. Your beautiful little angel touched this world and had more impact here than millions of people who live to be decades old. Each of your posts affects me so deeply, I don’t even know the words to describe how I feel reading them. Another thing has happened over the past few days, though. The posts from sweet little Maddie’s life are the ones that are with me more and more. The past few years I have had some health problems, personal problems, etc. and I haven’t really handled them very well. That is an understatement. You have written so perfectly to describe your little Maddie’s many hardships at an age where no one should go through any pain, and the strength and bravery and cheerfulness that she had are an inspiration. I don’t even feel “guilty” for having handled my own problems so badly – I just feel in awe of her and inspired. I don’t know for sure the extent of my illness right now, but I do know this, no matter how much time I have left, I want to live the way Maddie did and not the way I have been living. This is a feeling that has come over me gradually and not “all at once” when I first read of her passing. And I don’t write it lightly because I realize that she was really here in this world and was someone very special…she was real and not just a beautiful face on the internet. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you must be going through. Maddie was so lucky to have you and Mike for parents, just as you were so lucky to have her. Her beautiful light will shine on, but I wish for you that you hadn’t lost her. Not now and not this way. I’m just so very sorry.
Maeve says:
Screw the state of California. Bastards!!!
Kristen says:
I’m just so sorry.
Cristen says:
Hugs to you. Try to be grateful for the 17 months you had with her. I’d give anything just to have 5 more minutes with my preemie. With time, the hurt will fade and the good memories will be even more special. God obviously had bigger plans for our little ones.
I RT’d your tweet and sent one of my own too ….
@RealHughJackman my son Lucas was born 16 wks early, died at 1 day old. Help stop preterm birth w/ March of Dimes http://tinyurl.com/cspn29
Cristen’s last blog post..Lucia, the Big Sister
Coral says:
I am so sorry that the mail contained those horrible reminders. Not a moment passes that you, Mike and Rigby are not in my thoughts and prayers.
pillarr1 says:
When I received my childrens’ death certificates it really hit home that it was real. I put them in a file in the file cabinet. I see them every now and then when I am looking for something. When I had my daughter (3 years later) and received her birth certificate, I put her certificate in the same file as their death certificates. I will never forget them. When Maddie has brothers and sisters, you will never forget either. Eventually, I put all of our birth, death, and marriage certificates all in the same file. These little pieces of paper represent the good and bad times in our lives. You never forget ANY of it. And, eventually you WILL smile again. It may not be as big of a smile as Maddie’s (who can smile like that ray of sunshine anyway!) but you will smile. Just take it one day at a time. Vaya con dios Heather.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
This morning, when I kissed my little girls, I was also giving a kiss to your sweet Maddie.
Lynn from For Love or Funny’s last blog post..What is this strange phenomena?
Liz says:
Dear Heather,
Have been following your blog since my friend posted a beautiful tribute to Maddie at hers. I don’t think you realize how much your blogs mean to all of us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts at such a difficult time. Thank you for sharing Maddie’s life, and ultimately, her cause of death. This couldn’t have been an easy blog to write, but maybe it will help those of us out here in blogland know how your sweet daughter passed away. I can only add to the thousands who care, who don’t know you, who have been touched by your story and by your incredible story and daughter.
Liz in DC
Fairly Odd Mother says:
That is not the mail any parent should ever receive. {{{hugs}}}
Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..And the Award goes to. . .
Amanda says:
I have come to know you through only your blog, and I feel compelled this morning to comment for the first time. I have not been able to stop thinking about your beautiful, spirited Maddie…to the point of distraction. I have my own little buddy, Charlotte, who is now 6 months old. I have been telling her lately about the brave little girl who she never met but whose face she saw on the computer screen for months now as I’ve followed her and her mom’s adventures online. My heart aches for you and I am overtaken at odd times by the enormity of my emotion for you. We are the same age, Heather, and although my baby was not a preemie, I identify with your first-time-mom musings. Maddie and you have forever touched me and changed how I think about the world in a way that is unexpected and wonderful. I can only imagine that your effect on the world is rippling out to others in the same way. I wish you gentle days ahead.
Toni Brockliss says:
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter.
My heart aches for you and your family.
I am so sorry.
Toni Brockliss’s last blog post..birthday girl
Kelley says:
Tears for you as I imagine you holding in your hand papers no parent should ever have to see. This will never be right. I pray for peace in the midst of a heartache I can only begin to imagine.
–Kelley in GA
Kelley’s last blog post..Responses to Recent Responses
perksofbeingme says:
I love you more than Anna loves the other guy
(in case you miss the reference- Anna (go to him) by the Beatles. I had to look this one up- I’m coming up with some more though)
LauraJ says:
I have been following your story for a few weeks. Sadly I didn’t “know” Maddie before she passed away. I’m commenting today because I have a medically fragile son. He’s 9.5 years old. My biggest fear has always been recieving his death certificate before his birth certifcate. I’ve been too lazy to fill out for one. I think I will get to work on that now. Big big hugs.
Courtney in FL says:
I was at the food store the other day and there was MOD posters with purple balloons everywhere. I told my two-year old, “see those balloons? They are for the little girl in the photos I was showing you. She is very special and the balloons are to remind of us to smile just like her.” (The checkout lady thought I was nuts but thats ok because I was reminded to smile just like Maddie)
Andrea says:
That just sucks. I’m sorry, I’ve got nothing else. Sucks, sucks, sucks!
We too think about Maddie every day. Several of my co-workers and even my dad have started to read your blog since I told them all about Maddie. You know, no pressure knowing that several thousand people are now reading what you write
Andrea’s last blog post..No excuses
Tami says:
Im sorry!! I am thinking of all of you and keepimg you in my prayers.
I wish I could take all the pain away.
Hugs,
Julia says:
With all those medical terms and “complications”……isn’t it a miracle that Maddie was so full of life? When I read through your blog and stare at her precious face, it seems to me she lived a very full life….always happy….in those few short months. There’s a lesson for all of us in that sweet face.
I wish for time to fly by for you……for the day to come where you aren’t in the depths of this grief. I found your blog on the saddest day of your life. But I have read your archives and hope that somehow, someday you will find something to smile about again.
Julia’s last blog post..Because of him…
alesha says:
There are no words that I have that will make you feel better, just know that you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.((hugs))
alesha’s last blog post..chicks, new do, trophy and Easter… Oh my……
Rachel says:
My heart hurts for you. I think about you all everyday, I can’t get your beautiful Maddie’s face off of my mind. I am just so, so, sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Rachel’s last blog post..Please Explain
Rah says:
You and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers. It’s okay to lounge on the sofa or whatever you feel like, or don’t feel like, doing. Be gentle with yourself and know that there are hundreds of thousands of arms, thoughts, and good wishes supporting you in cyberspace. After reading that awful list of challenges she faced at the end, I can only say Maddie was a trouper! That last picture you took of her was precious and priceless. Thank you for sharing it.
Jen says:
so very sorry.
This isn’t supposed to happen to parents.
Still thinking of you and praying for you!
Jen’s last blog post..
moosh in indy. says:
Here’s Maddie’s Life Certificate:
Madeline Alice Spohr
a) extreme cuteness
b) outrageous bravery
c) beautiful smile
d) ocean blue eyes
e) pocket sized for your convenience.
f) LOVED BY ALL WHO EVER KNEW OF HER.
moosh in indy.’s last blog post..healing my helplessness.
MBKimmy says:
G) touched more lives than most people do in FULL lifetime
H) will NEVER be forgotten
I) Eyelashes that reached the stars
Prayers and hugs today and everyday!
MBKimmy’s last blog post..Great day
Lindsay in FL says:
I heard of Maddie through Matt Logelin’s blog; have had her, you, and Mike in my thoughts every single day since … and have not written until now because I don’t really have words. I’m not a mother yet, so I can’t fathom your pain. Just know that another stranger / friend is celebrating Maddie’s zest for life and love and mourning a life that was taken far, far too soon.
Put those horrible certificates far away. They don’t tell the story of who she was. You – and the outpouring of grief at her passing and the efforts to honor her life – tell it.
You’re in my thoughts all the time.
JAS says:
I am so very sorry for your loss, as I type those words I know they are inadequate. Your website is beautiful, and so is your writing. My breaks for what you are going through.
JAS’s last blog post..Some weeks just cannot get any better!
Kristin says:
Casey just said it perfectly (per usual Miz Casey!). Sending you hugs Heather.
Kristin’s last blog post..Changes
Janet says:
I’m so sorry, Heather. I remember when I was a kid and my mom’s death certificate came in the mail. It was like a kick in the stomach. I only say this to let you know that I can, in some small way, relate to your pain. I know it can’t possibly compare. I wish there was something I could do to make it all go away. Wishing you much love and peace.
Janet’s last blog post..You Know What Really Sucks?
Katelyn says:
I am so very, very sorry. I wish I could say something that meant more.
Nadine Winkler says:
I’m sorry Mrs. Spohr…so incredibly sorry. I’ll do everything I can to support the March of Dimes.
Jamie says:
People can google for themselves if they’re curious. You don’t have to do that. Still looking for that combination of sage words that will help you, but knowing that they just don’t exist and hoping in some way, the non-sage words help you even a little bit.
Still thinking of you all. Still praying for the strength and peace you and Mike need to make it through your day. Still thinking of your beautiful girl.
Jamie’s last blog post..These are the days
Jodee says:
I just don’t have the words…. sorry doesn’t seem to really cover it. But I can’t think of anything else to say. But I feel love for you and Mike and beautiful Maddie even though I have never met ya’ll. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily…
Jodee’s last blog post..My little Boo
Athena says:
So Sorry… Your blog & flickr are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your precious little one with all of us. She was a lady with many looks.. love those eyes. Thanks again for keeping it all public
Athena’s last blog post..Work
Bonnie says:
Heather,
There are no words, but I keep searching for them. I lay awake at night, thinking of you and Mike doing the same, wishing I could reach out to you, hug you, somehow lessen your pain some little bit and make it my own. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.
Bonnie’s last blog post..Why?
Lisa says:
I’m sorry. You’d think the state could just leave that filed somewhere and let you pick it up if you ever wanted it. Not something you want to get in the mail, especially so soon. I’m sorry.
Lisa’s last blog post..Weaning from Before Nap Nursing Session: Day Two
Amy says:
It would have been ideal if the person who processed these forms could have taken note of how young Maddies was… and then perhaps not sent them so soon. I realize who ever processed these forms has a job to do… but if they could have just stopped and thought of you and Mike and the impact of getting these papers in the mail. In a perfect world. Still thinking of you from miles away in Massachusetts.
Kristin says:
I am so very sorry that you had to receive those papers Heather. I have a 3 month old and cannot imagine going through what you are experiencing right now. Another friend of mine had a preemie that passed away in January. As parents, this is the worst possible thing we can go through. I hope the following two Irish blessings bring you some peace.
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be ever at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall softly on your fields
And until we meet again, May God hold
you in the hollow of his hand
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.
Kristin’s last blog post..Five Books
Adventures In Babywearing says:
I wish I knew the right thing to say. I’m so sorry.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..My Mom Logic
Patti B. says:
Thinking of your hands on those papers make my heart hurt even more. I am so sorry. One day, one hour, one minute, one breath…don’t force yourself to do more than that, or more than you think you can manage. I think of you guys and Maddie every, every day. I hope you can sometimes feel the squeeze of my very sincere but virtual hugs, arm around your shoulders and pain in my heart too.
andrea says:
Being a funeral director, i wished they hand delivered them to you instead of mail delivery. Losing your daughter is unimaginable, and I am so sorry for your loss. My sister and I talk about Maddie all the time..like we knew her. We are keeping her memory alive, especially in our hearts. Disclosing her medical information is so difficult, thank you again for your upfront honesty.
Again in my prayers and thoughts,
Andrea Gilkes
Shauna says:
You should never have to get that in the mail. You should never have to go through what you’re going through. I’m so sorry that there’s not more I can say. Lot of love to you guys.
Shauna’s last blog post..Dear Sweet Maddie
Christine says:
Thinking of you, Mike, and Maddie daily. It is so unfair. I am so sorry.
Christine’s last blog post..The daytime of the night…
Molly says:
I am just another stranger who’s followed this story on the internet, and I don’t know if this helps or hurts, but I just wanted to tell you that I’ve been sneaking into my son’s room at night (he’s almost 4) just to look at him.
What you’re going through defies words, but when I hold Max, I think of your sweet girl. I’m so sorry for what you’ve seen in the last couple of weeks. No parent should ever have to endure it, but you’re not just enduring it, you’re sharing it–and we all hold our babies a little tighter for it.
I don’t know if that helps or hurts you, but our babies don’t mind it. So, I guess that’s something, maybe.
Molly’s last blog post..Liveblogging the Bread
Danes says:
..and once again – I love you and Mike. That’s all. I’m sorry with every fiber of my being you are going through this.
Karla says:
My heart is aching for you…I don’t know you, as many don’t…but your beautiful daughter touched my heart and your family has been on my mind and in my prayers since. I’m so sorry for what you are going through.
Jennifer says:
OMG–that must have been so jarring to open. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Taking the Night Off!
won says:
My daughter’s d**** certificate is in a file. Right next to her birth certificate. I can’t bring myself to look at it. I avert my eyes when I need to look for something in the file box.
I understand.
It fucking sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sorry.
I sent you an invite to the group. I hope you received it.
won’s last blog post..Nice
kris says:
My heart is so sad right now. Your daughter has touched many many lives in ways one cannot begin to comprehend. I am so sorry for your loss.
kris’s last blog post..Today’s Featured Blog
Melissa in Ohio says:
I just wanted to say “Thank You” for all that you have shared. You have my utmost respect for posting to this very public forum your most private feelings and thoughts. Thank you also for posting the medical diagnosis for Maddie. It was tearing me up inside not knowing what happened to this beautiful girl. I cannot imagine the pain you have endured. If I can pass courage through the internet, please accept it. Melissa in Ohio
Susan says:
Just another cyper friend that found your website through another. Your Maddie captured me. I spent awhile reading way back in your blog to get to know your little girl. What a precious smile she gave ALL the time!!! I, too, am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I agree with the 2nd blog way up at top….take it one breath, one hour, one day at a time. Be good to yourself. You and your husband loved this little girl like no one else. She will always be your Angel.
Kt says:
It seems so cold to get that in the mail. Although, I don’t think there would really be any good time to get that. I’m praying for your family – in my thoughts!
Kt’s last blog post..Saddened
Lindsay says:
Try to think of of the good things!!! I pray for you everyday!! Hugs
Alexandra says:
Oh, just had to check in on you today. Holding your little head in my lap from over here. How I wish I could bring Maddie back for you, beautiful beautiful Maddie. The death certificates are so cold: and they make things so real, this can no longer be a bad dream. I’m sorry for you, and nothing I say will take a bit of heart heavy pain away. Now you know who all the lovesongs were written for: Maddie. I remember when my father killed himself, and looking at the death certificate, and “Just to see you again” came on the radio, and I thought: that’s it right there, just to see you again.
linzandkenzmommy says:
I sent this message to your husband yesterday in regards to his last entry but it posted under the incorrect blog post and for some reason I cannot fix it or leave it where it was meant to be left. I wanted you to see this as well…every day poses some many new challenges…you handle them with courage and grace…each time…
I admire your strength and willingness to share your feelings. It’s inspiring even under these current circumstances.
When you and Mike are ready Heather, you will know what to do with all the things that have accumulated in your home for Maddie…and there are so many things I am sure…
Make an area in your home dedicated to Maddie and her memory. Whether it be shelf, corner…and choose things that have significant memories and build an place for her, no matter how big or small. I’m sure seeing her things comes with many emotions, and feeling is part of being.
I would be honored to make a quilt for you and Mike, with things such as blankets and clothes that were Maddie’s…A Maddie Quilt…it is one way to keep her close…and I am completely 100% serious about this…whether you contact me tomorrow or a year from now…the offer stands…and it would truly be an honor.
Take the days as they come. Find security and peace in things you do have and go from there…one step at a time.
From my heart to yours…Michelle
linzandkenzmommy’s last blog post..Easter
Jenny says:
I haven’t been a long time reader, but got linked to your blog after Maddie passed away. And I have no words to say to you except that I am sorry and that you are being sent prayers from Iowa.
I have learned from reading your achieves and watching your video tribute that Maddie was a beautiful and happy girl who must have brought so much joy and laughter to whoever she met. And that is such a really great legacy.
I wish that I could tell you that things would get better or easier, but I can’t. But I can tell you that if a stranger hundreds of miles away could give you a hug and hold on tight, I would.
Suzanne says:
My addition to Maddie’s life certificate:
j) Helped thousands of other babies get a healthier start in life
To say its unfair is not saying enough. I’m thinking of you guys and sweet Maddie here in DC.
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
That must have hit you like a body blow. Nothing about this situation is fair, or good, or understandable. Hugs from NC.
Shelley says:
I think under occupation it should have listed Ray of Sunshine, or Adorable Cutie Pie, or Amazingly Happy Child or well anything but infant. She was SOOOOOO much more than that! And she will continue to be all of those things to a lot of people.
Hugs!
amanda says:
My heart hurts so much for you. I think I would never want to get off the couch either. You will, at some point. But now, I think you deserve all the couch time you need.
I was reading your blog this morning with my daughter, who is 20 months. She SCREECHED with joy when she saw one of the photos of Maddie. “Baby, baby!” she proclaimed. I like to think she could see how special Maddie is. Because she so much is. She’s changing the world, your Maddie.
Thinking of you guys all the time here in CT,
Amanda
amanda’s last blog post..the smell of the greasepaint, the roar of the crowd
sam {temptingmama} says:
I am so very sorry. I hate that the state doesn’t have a more compassionate way of delivering something so painful. That’s the LAST thing that should come unexpectedly in the mail.
I hope I did a decent job of distracting you last night. Even if it was only for a little while.
Love you!
Heidi says:
I am so very sorry.
Lori says:
I am so sorry, that has got to be so hard. I want you to know that everytime I am outside at night, I look up at the stars and whisper to the brightest start above “Rest in Peace Sweet Madeline.”
annie says:
Well isn’t that a real kick in the pants. My baby has a crush on yours, every time he sees her picture online (and she is everywhere by the way) he screams, smiles and asks “hold baby?” I’m holding your family close to my heart and thinking of Maddie and you every time I use my new camera. You have been such an inspiration to me.
Jack's Mom says:
I wish I could hug you but I’m many mile away. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Haley-O says:
I will read whatever you write and no doubt shed tears. I pray the writing helps. It’s good to hear from you always even as it’s heartbreaking. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Haley-O’s last blog post..New Job, Fat Tigger, & Other Earth Day Sundries
Stephanie says:
I’ve started and then subsequently erased so many comments, it is beginning to verge on the ridiculous. My hesitance to say the wrong thing has prevented me from saying anything at all. I can only think to say that I am truly sorry for your loss. I did not know of your life or Maddie’s life before I saw a post on Flotsam blog on April 8th. But I, like the rest of the people visiting here, am overwhelmingly moved by your radiant little girl and her incredible story.
We hold your family in our hearts.
Kristi says:
Losing someone you love is hard; losing a child is simply impossible. I am so sorry.
Jill says:
Oh your poor little baby girl. I think seeing all those ailments listed together makes her life all the more miraculous.
Jill’s last blog post..The one where Jill learns to tell a short story shortly… wait that doesn’t sound right
Meg says:
That just SUCKS! The whole thing SUCKS!
Keeping you guys close in thought…
Betsy says:
It amazes me how vividly Maddie’s little spirit can be seen in all of her photos. It cast such a glow that it just radiated through her smile and eyes accomplishing something that most adults can’t even deliver; The sheer ability to show herself simply and truly as she was. Someone whose light was so astounding that even in the loss of her still permeates the hearts of those who never even knew her! Including my own!
It’s small to you, I’m sure, but thank you for sharing Maddie with the rest of the world. She is a glimpse to the real treasures of Heaven.
Molly says:
Oh, Heather. I am so sorry. Please know that even when the mail slows down to a trickle, Madeline will not be forgotten. I’ve never met you and I think about her all day long–driving home at night, just before bed, at Target (because I read about you and Maddie bathing suit shopping at Target in one of your recent posts).
I don’t know a way out of the grief you must be feeling but I think writing and taking pictures may be part of the puzzle. You are doing great.
Briana says:
There really aren’t any words that will make you feel better, so the only thing I will say is, again, I’m so, so sorry. It isn’t fair to you or Mike. It just doesn’t make any sense the types of people that are able to have children. Healthy children. Those people that never wanted a baby. And then you and Mike were more than able to take care of her, and she was taken too soon. I just don’t understand it.
rachelcortest says:
Heather,
There are just so many many horrible things that you have to go through and getting the death certificate is one of them. I had to pick up my son’s at the mortuary (which was the most insensitive mortuary in the world) so that they would be sure that we would pay the rest of the money. IT is something that no parent should ever have to see-their child’s death certificate. It is so unreal and so tragic. Maddie’s face gives me hope every time I see her. I remember reading about her on Matt Logelin’s blog and I could not believe that she could have died. I am sending you many hugs from Oklahoma. I could not cry for almost a year and thought that i was a robot. Now I can cry easily. The Compassionate Friends helped me alot but I could not go to a conference or meeting until after he had been away (wherever he is) for a year. This year I will go to my third conference and will no longer be considered newly bereaved. I love to go because it is like spending four days with Tomás (my son) Staying in bed is not a bad thing. There is no wrong way to grieve and know that it does get easier with time but we mothers are never ever healed. I wish that I could make this all just be a dream for you (and a nightmare for sure) hugs,rachel
Betsy says:
It amazes me how vividly Maddie’s little spirit can be seen in all of her photos. It cast such a glow that it just radiated through her smile and eyes accomplishing something that most adults can’t even deliver; The sheer ability to show herself simply and truly as she was. Someone whose light was so astounding that even in the loss of her still permeates the hearts of those who never even knew her! Including my own!
It’s small to you, I’m sure, but thank you for sharing Maddie with the rest of the world. She is a glimpse to the real treasures of Heaven.
Betsy’s last blog post..Is it pink in Heaven?
rachelcortest says:
Oh, I forgot to mention-if anyone tells you that Maddie is in a better place tell them that the best place for her is in your arms. (Well, that is how I respond to well-meaning people) hugs,Ra chel
badassdad05 says:
I can think of nothing to say. Sending hugs.
badassdad05’s last blog post..do not underestimate the power of the tummy
samantha jo campen says:
I’m just so sorry. So so sorry. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
samantha jo campen’s last blog post..Life List, Part #1
Nichol says:
Heather,
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine having to go through what you both are going through. It is not fair. You are in my thoughts and prayers forever and I am walking on Saturday in Maddies name. Stay strong
Nichol’s last blog post..Agoo Leg Huggers Review and Giveaway
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says:
That is truly, truly horrible.
Love and strength to you…
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins’s last blog post..Mommy’s got a new boyfriend!
Sabrina in Philly says:
Heather and Mike
I am so sorry….I feel like there should be more words…but I have just heart break and tears for you and your precious Maddie~
I will say that I am Glad that letters and etc. can brighten your dark days and get you up for just a moment! That is what we are here for….to help you up when you fall…..
You are in my thoughts daily~
Sabrina in Philly’s last blog post..Yes…I am a Girly Girl!
Cute~Ella says:
I am so sorry, my heart breaks all over again for you and your family.
Not to make light of the situation, but they really listed her occupation as “infant”? I’d think “Ray of Sunshine” or something equally more fitting would have been better…
Cute~Ella’s last blog post..It’s the start of a new season!
Jen says:
I feel like I have nothing to say and yet I can’t just lurk…I love you to pieces. Sending all my feelings of peace to you and Mike.
Jen’s last blog post..Randome Tuesday Thoughts
Dina says:
Heather,
I am reading your post with tears streaming down my face. I also have no words that could possibly bring real comfort, but you are in my thoughts. I have thought about Maddie every single day since I heard the news of her passing. What a radiant, vibrant, beautiful girl!
I wish you peaceful and reflective days ahead. Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly.
And Maddie will never, ever, ever be forgotten! Even by those, like me, who did not know her in life. I hope that one day she has siblings who will also know about her.
Sending you love and strength.
Christa in Valencia says:
Heather – I’m so very sorry you are dealing with this. My heart just breaks for you & Mike and your family & friends. I feel so blessed to have met Maddie a few weeks ago at the playdate at Griffith Park. She was as I’ll always remember her, full of light. She had a special kind of soul and I’m thankful to you and Mike for bringing her into this world. I’m so sorry she couldn’t have been here a 100 years longer. I hope your precious memories get you through the times ahead.
xoxo
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire says:
Many hugs to you guys. I think about Maddie & you two daily. I was going through my closet yesterday to get stuff together for Goodwill when I came across a purple shirt I never wear. I tossed it in the pile, but then fished it out. Because I can never have too many purple shirts for Maddie.
(((hugs)))
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday-The ‘I do’ edition
Amanda says:
Oh, Heather. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say except that I think of your daughter every. single. day. She’s never far from my thoughts or the thoughts of many, I’m sure. All of my loving, peaceful vibes to you and Mike.
Amanda’s last blog post..all I have to do is dream
mrs.chicken says:
Oh, honey. Just … still listening. That’s all. And love.
Erin says:
Heather,
Good for you, picking up your camera; beautiful shot of the grape vine. I seem to hesitate while writing a comment to you because I want to convey all my love and support for you…
God has given you strength and love. Even if its blurry right now. Can’t stop thinking about you and keeping your family in my prayers.
e
Erin’s last blog post..Winston: the fickle sleeper
tara says:
heather – i can’t say enough how terribly sorry i am for your loss. i think of you, mike and maddie every single day. it’s so unfair. just know that there are people, like me, who don’t know you but wish we could be there to wrap you in hugs. sending so much love your way.
Laura says:
I wanted to thank you for continuing to post to your blog following your tremendous heartache and unimaginable loss. The journey you take now is one no parent ever wants or should have to take and probably the most difficult in your life. I am so terribly sorry for your loss of Maddie – she was an absolute treasure and so amazingly beautiful. The description of all she had to endure in her too short life which she did with such grace and spirit is inspiring. You and Mike took care of an angel on earth for sure.
Laura’s last blog post..Stellan made it through!!!!
Karen says:
No, they were oh so wrong….
Maddie’s occupation: superhero.
Loural says:
My heart is continually breaking for you and Mike. There are no words to convey how deeply I hurt for you and how much I wish I could make it better. You don’t know me and I’ve never met you but through your blog and your wonderful pictures I’ve come to love you, maddie and mike….you are wonderful people, your maddie was a beautiful spirited, spunky little treasure and I wish…I wish that you never had to go through a pain like this.
My thoughts, prayers and tears are with you. I hope your heart heals a little more everyday and that you will eventually see the sun through the clouds.
I think of you guys daily..and even more when I see the colour purple.
AmyinTexas says:
I’ve started to write a comment each day, but just never know what to say. I still don’t. As a fellow mom, I know there’s nothing that anyone can say or do to make it even just a little bit better. My thoughts are with you each and every day.
mama2addie says:
My heart breaks for you. I only know your family through your blog, but I want to let you know that there isn’t a day that goes by that you aren’t in my thoughts.
I am so looking forward to Marching for Maddie this Saturday. It’s the least I can do!
mama2addie’s last blog post..Please help if you can!
Kirsten says:
Nothing I can say will help lessen that kind of pain. I am so very sorry.
Kirsten’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Miss Grace says:
((hug))
Amazing Greis says:
There are no words. My heart breaks for you, Mike and the entire family when I think of Maddie and her most precious smile. A day never goes by that memories of Maddie are not present, purple has that effect on me lately. Just know you are in my daily thoughts and prayers.
I will be Marching for Maddie in Houston on Sunday (April 26), so very excited that I will be able to do my part in honoring your sweet, precious little girl. Sweet baby Maddie. I know that she will be there too, smiling down on our team and walking with us.
My love is with you daily.
Amazing Greis’s last blog post..Today an ANGEL was laid to rest…
Amanda (@mom23greatgirls) says:
Heather – I’m just so sorry that today is another one of those awful steps.
Amy Stone says:
Its not fair. I love the idea of a Life Certificate, because i’ve never seen a child live such a short life to the fullest possible extent such as your Maddie.
I will never forget her, ever.
Thanks for writing, I’ll always listen.
Amy
Oregon
Jes says:
I too want to comment and reach out and give you a great big hug. I agree with so many other comments about Maddie, that she was amazing, a superhero, a bright shining star and she has a smile that lights up everyone who sees it. Thank you for sharing her with us.
Jenni says:
heather,
I am so very sorry. I cant imagine the kick to the heart that must have been.
Thank you again for sharing Maddies wonderful life with us. Praying for you.
Jenni’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday:Noah
Keri says:
I wish I knew you in real life. I feel like coming to your house and hugging you.
pgoodness says:
Just as I was smiling to myself about the Life Certificate *I* was going to write here, I got to Casey’s comment…figures she beat me to it!! But it’s the truth – those rainbow colored papers don’t define her life – you do – and we all know it. Opening that must have taken your breath away for a moment though, and that sucks. I imagine some days you won’t get off the couch, and right now, I’d bet that is just fine. xoxo
pgoodness’s last blog post..My boys
Shelley says:
Thinking of you and your family every day. Praying for you and precious Maddie. She was a true blessing to this world.
DesignHER Momma says:
I’m so sorry that you have to go through all these crappy things that a mom should never go through.
I’m marching with Casey this weekend in Indianapolis, working on bright purple t-shirts today as we speak. Try your best to focus on the Love – there is ALOT of love out there with your name on it.
DesignHER Momma’s last blog post..Full of Fluff and Lacking Content
Kate says:
Hi there,
I just started following your blog. I really don’t know what to say about such a tragic event, but still wanted you to know I am thinking about you and your family, wishing you the best and giving you giant hugs.
Kay Martin says:
I’m sorry. There are no words that can fix your broken hearts. I feel a tremendous sadness and wish there was something I could do to comfort you and Mike. I think of you every day and thank you for sharing Madeline with us.
Amanda says:
Our family thinks about you, Mike and Little Maddie several times a day. Your writing has had such an effect on my husband & I to cherish each moment. You write and convey your feelings so very well…I am just so very sorry…Each time I see my little girl I see Little Maddie…what a beautiful daughter Maddie is.
Amanda’s last blog post..Love Affair
Gretchen says:
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) – no words…
Candice says:
I am so, so sorry you had to receive that and that your family is going through this. I have been praying daily for you, your husband & family, and of course little Maddie up in heaven. I also wore purple today for Maddie. Such a beautiful color! I will always think of her when I wear it.
Candice’s last blog post..Happy Earth Day
Midwest Mommy says:
I couldn’t agree more…no one should be getting that in the mail.
I am not even going to google even though I have no clue what any of those mean…
Midwest Mommy’s last blog post..The Watcher
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com says:
Nothing I can say could possibly erase this, but oh, Heather, I wish it could. I am so sorry.
La Petite Belle says:
Dear Heather,
I got to your blog because of Meghan. I’m a reader of hers, and I found your blog sadly, at this terrible time (last week) and not before. I have no words, but I wanted to tell you that you had the most beautiful daughter in the world, and that is at peace right now, smiling looking at her parents and her doggy. I pray that you eventually will find peace and tranquility in your heart and in your life, and that your broken heart will heal.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish nobody had to go through this. No mother should bury her child.
Hugs,
Carmen
La Petite Belle’s last blog post..The one where I sound conceded and spoiled and bratty, but you don’t mind because you love me.
Venti Vixen says:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, my heart is just broken for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and story, you are a resource and inspiration to many.
Venti Vixen’s last blog post..Tuesday Night Fever
Bon says:
that must’ve felt a bit like a slap, the one thing you’ve been able to look forward to as a way of touching Maddie suddenly bringing not reminders of her life, but death certificates.
i am sorry.
and the on the couch thing? four years later, there are still times when getting off the couch is just too heavy, too much. go gentle on yourself.
Bon’s last blog post..the cusp of three
GingerB says:
My daughters (one former preemie /IUGR one with MCADD) are wearing purple shirts today. They don’t know why, but I do.
I hope you can feel the love all these people are sending to you, because you need it and you and Mike deserve it.
My heart hurts for you.
GingerB’s last blog post..happy about yesterday
Ronda says:
Heather,
I am crying for you right now. I am going to work in my yard today, and plant a tree. It’s going to be Maddie’s tree. I think it’s a pecan tree, just a little seedling that my parents brought me. I hope the type of tree doesn’t matter, just know that it’s for Maddie. I’m praying for you and Mike.
Ronda
Ronda’s last blog post..Lots of Stuff
Kelly Burton says:
Not even going to try. Just love and prayers to you & Mike. Lots.
Kelly Burton’s last blog post..Stray socks
Nina says:
I’m just so sorry…….
Nina’s last blog post..Monday…….
Candice says:
I pray for your family every day. The dark times will pass eventually. Your beautiful daughter’s spirit will keep you going. We will never forget. I wish I knew you so I could just give you a hug.
jeannine says:
you, your family and your maddie have literally changed my outlook on life.
for that, i will be eternally grateful.
also i have the same camera as you and your pictures are so much better. lol.
Amy says:
That is not a fun day of mail. I do not know what to think about it either. I hope that you and Mike are doing a little bit better. Sending my (((Hugs))))
Amy’s last blog post..Happy Earth Day!!!!!!!!
Must Be Motherhood says:
Well, shoot. I thought the rainbow colored papers were going to be oragami sheets someone sent you to make cranes with, to fly with Maddie.
They still could be…
Must Be Motherhood’s last blog post..You Betta Watch Out Because I’m Gonna Say F*&ck
lenora in san diego says:
I actually only started reading when I saw Matt Logelin’s twitter about your awful news. Since that time, I can’t stop thinking about you and your family and sweet Maddie. I’ve been reading the archives and have really enjoyed getting to know you. I hadn’t posted yet because like everyone else, I’m not sure what to say. I really do hope all this support will help you and Mike. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl, she was/is an inspiration and so very brave. I know you already know all of that but please also know that you (and Mike and the family) are in my thoughts. I hope all of these virtual thoughts and hugs help you somehow.
Kathy Shipstad says:
I only found your site maybe 2 monthes ago from Matt’s site. I have thoroughly enjoyed your writings and updates about Maddie. She was a living doll. I am so sorry for your loss. I enjoyed your humor….not fair at all.
Claire says:
Heather, I have been following your blog for months and am so sorry for your loss. Maddie lives on in your and our memories. That sweet face!
I do not have any great words of advice, but hope you get some solace from the thoughts and prayers of everyone thinking about you, Mike and Maddie.
Elizabeth says:
I am sorry, that is awful. I remember getting my sons death certificate and my surviving son’s birth certificate which says that he’s a twin. Except that he’s not now, is he? I remember that having the official documentation hit me quite hard. I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
cindy w says:
Oh Jesus, Heather. No, that is not mail that you should’ve gotten. I cannot imagine that seeing the medical terminology of “causes” listed would make you feel at all better. I cannot imagine trying to offer you advice right now. But just, try to focus less on that piece of paper (which brings you no comfort), and more on the cards and letters from your friends and family who love you.
Btw, I love moosh in indy’s comment. Hear hear to that.
cindy w’s last blog post..overreaction
Jen says:
(Hug) It’s amazing how many of us search for words to comfort you, when words were never invented that could comfort a parent on the loss of a child. Just know that so many of us are praying for each day for that ache in your heart to be a little less. I still often listen to Natalie Grant’s “Held” when I remember my three babies I lost before my girls were born healthy and strong. It helps you sob some cleansing tears, knowing that what she sings is so true. I pray for your healing. “If hope is born of suffering, then this is only the beginning.”
Jen’s last blog post..Group Gifts for Classroom Teachers
isn't it pretty to think so says:
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.
isn’t it pretty to think so’s last blog post..Pain
Amanda/Baby A says:
Maddie:
I don’t really know what I believe in. If I did believe something, my faith would have been shaken by the unbelievable cruelty the world deals to people who deserve absolutely the best of everything. Maybe faith would make this suck less, but I don’t know.
Now I know your mom got your death certificate. A paper that pretty much makes it “official,” like the pain they are feeling right now doesn’t make it pretty darn official. (I’m censoring for your adorable baby ears but the adults out there can guess the actually word I was going for… it doesn’t start with a d).
I like to think that you made sure Alison and I were safe when our tire blew out on the way home to Nor Cal the morning after your service. We were only 1.5 miles away from a tire/auto repair, which I’m pretty sure was the last shop before we hit the Grapevine and the middle of nowhere. You had to have played a role in that.
I also like to think that you know that paperwork is adding to the pain of your passing, even though you never had to do any paperwork yourself. Bills, service planning, now these certificates. Send some sunshine-y smiles their way, Maddie Moo. I know you are already. Let them know that you think those rainbow papers are just PAPER, part of a jacked-up bureaucratic system that seems to be timely on things that you never ever ever want to come in the mail. I sure think that.
There are are so many things I could say to you right now. I wish I didn’t have to say any of them. I wish I could go up to you and say “Hi Madeline. I’m Amanda and I know you because of my sister who met your mommy on the internet.” Isn’t that a twisted meeting story? I would schmoogle your cheekies and exclaim how I wanted to nibble your toes. I would have met your parents for the first time under much happier circumstances. You know I have cried for you and them so much. I know you know all what has been happening since you left. The incredible outpouring of love and support and the HUGE amounts raised for the March of Dimes.
All I know is that life is unfair, but through the really, really, super, unbearably sucky times makes us appreciate the good times and the really, really, super amazingly perfect times. And I know that the State of California sent your parents the worst things in the world to get. But that just puts the incredible joy you brought them and the world into focus with such clarity I can see the happiness radiate off you four (Rigby included) in the pictures I go back and look at.
Eventually the sun will shine again for the three of them and the certificates will be locked in a fire-safe box and they will smile when they remember how loud you SHRIEKED and how pretty you were and how you liked to dance to music. And you’ll be smiling right along.
Can you send some kisses down all of our ways?
I’ll be walking for you in Sacramento. You’ll see the purple balloons.
Love, Amanda
Jessica Harrison says:
I first read about Maddie on Matt and Madelines blog and I have to say I am so so sorry for your loss. I have never posted here before but I just wanted to let you know we WILL REMEMBER MADDIE. No, I don’t know her or you, but those eyes, those big beautiful eyes. I don’t think I will ever forget them. And that smile, WOW. I know there’s really nothing I can do to make your day better. But, I wanted to tell you that your daughter’s smile and those big eyes have touched my heart. I am praying for you both. Hang in there. Lots of love and well wishes from Missouri.
denise j says:
Heather & Mike:
I have been reading for days now and . . . I just have no words, only tears. I know that my heart breaks for you and I know that everyone is saying they are sorry because that is all they can think of to say – which is totally fine, I’m not criticizing anyone at all for sending their condolences – that’s not what I mean. I just know how sad I am and I know you must feel a million times more sad. So, I know you want everyone to donate to March of Dimes in Maddie’s name – and I can do that – but is there anything I can do for You and Mike? Anything? You know if you name it – the people who are grieving with you will make it happen.
I know that the support you are showing the March of Dimes is going to make a difference – I really believe that.
I’ll write again later – if I can find more words.
Much love
anymommy says:
No one should face that kind of mail, ever. Love and hugs.
anymommy’s last blog post..Two Niner
Trish says:
I’m so sorry. I wish there were some way to take away your hurt. This should never happen to anyone. I’m just so very sorry.
Trish’s last blog post..And then, the elephant boy was eaten by a dragon, and peace reigned throughout the land. At least, until the crows came …
TheAitch says:
I am so sorry. I don’t think there will ever be enough words nor enough time to express to you, a stranger, just how much I am sorry. My lord, Maddie was a breathtaking baby and such a true sweet spirit rested in her soul.
Katy says:
Dear Heather,
I have thought of you, Mike and Maddie so often during the last few weeks. My heart aches for what you’re going through. You are incredibly strong, and thank you for sharing Maddie’s life with us. She was an amazing spirit. Lots of good wishes to and your family
Katy’s last blog post..Snow and sore throats.
Connie says:
Remember the jerk on twitter that asked what made #Maddie so special? It’s simple. Her parents.
She was loved by thousands of strangers because you shared every moment of her life and passing with us.
I’ve never lost a child. I’ve imagined it, but never lived it, until now – with you. You’re loss is so deep and I’m grieving for you. Every little piece of it.
You’re amazing and I thought that before now, I just never took the time to comment, and for that I’m sorry.
(((HUGS))) to you both.
Connie
Connie’s last blog post..Fabulessly Frugal: FabuLESS Freezer Cooking
Melissa says:
My heart breaks for you. I wish I could just give you a hug. I spoke to my 18 year old daughter about your daughter and we shared the feeling of the love between mom and little girl. Why is life so unfair, you should not have to suffer such pain.
your maddie is so beautiful and I thank you for sharing her beauty with us.
Heather says:
Words can not express how deeply sorry I am that you have sufferred this horrible loss and have to go through this time. A friend recently sent me this link, and your beautiful baby’s smile grabbed ahold of my heart at first glance. Your loss reminds me why I chose to go to nursing school and why I want to work in the NICU. Your Maddie is an inspiration to me.
I do not have any children yet, so I do not know the depth of your loss. I hope that the prayers of many and the love of your family and friends can carry you through this horrible and dark time towards a better time when you will be able to think of your precious baby and smile and know that she touched many hearts. You are in my prayers.
Heather’s last blog post..Friendship
ST says:
Heather,
I am just another one of those internet strangers here to offer my condolences. I cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak you are feeling right now. Maddie was indeed so, so beautiful. But one of my favorite things you wrote was how you would whisper to her that she was more than just her looks: smart and kind and happy. It’s a testament to what a wonderful mother you are to her and how lucky you both were to have each other. It makes me hope that maybe one day Maddie will have a little brother or sister to share in that. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers over the past couple of weeks and I wish you to find as much peace and joy as you possibly can in the upcoming days. If only because Maddie is watching you, and judging from that mega-watt smile, she would most certainly want you to continue to wonder and discover and laugh as you did with her.
Alison says:
I would like to add a couple of items to Maddie’s Life Certificate:
K-ish. As her mommy would say, wicked smaht.
L-ish. Made of joy.
Sister and I bought fabric yesterday for your quilt. I am thinking I will be emailing you photos along the way, as just a little way to keep in touch and show you what we have been doing.
xoxo to you, Mike, and Rigby.
Alison’s last blog post..November 11, 2007 – April 7, 2009
Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) says:
The particulars of what caused your daughter’s death are truly none of our business.
But I HAD been curious. We can look up anything we’d like more information about.
I’m glad the mail has proven to be a bright spot most days. I love mail, too, even though most days it’s just junk mail and bills.
Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)’s last blog post..Finding more balance…
elismsue says:
Heather,
Ohhhhh…that mooshinindy character!! What a gal! She is such a supportive friend to you in so many ways. I loved her “Life Certificate” for Maddie.
Maddie was loved and she knew it. Maddie was the rainbow in your lives. Put away those pieces of paper. I hope you see a real rainbow very soon and describe it to Maddie like you have in the past.
((((())))) and purple wishes,
Sue
Deidre says:
Heather,
Name the cause of her death what you will, but it is not bringing your baby back. I think the death certificate is another blow of finality. I have picked up two in my life so far. My (young) husband and my fathers, three months ago. I understand your aches and sadness. I think you should hang out on the couch, or stay in bed. This is the beginning of your new chapter and you have to have time to reflect. Although painful, please don’t push yourself to do anything. Just love the heck out of your husband. You guys need each other.
I assume Maddie’s grandfather is the gentleman holding her in various photos when she is asleep. I think of him often, thinking of how he longs for Maddie and how it must kill him to see you in pain. Maddie sure was in love with him….
nic @MyBottle'sUp! says:
heather and mike… i’m at a loss of words, yet i sit here and feel compelled to comment. my son turned one today. one. and while i celebrated his joy, his smile, forcryinoutloud even his farts… i thought of you guys and of your precious maddie.
jackson, our now 1 year old son, my husband, and i have organized a team to walk for maddie in baltimore on may 3rd. for some reason, that gives me hope… knowing that we will be walking in her honor, in your honor, gives me hope… hope that one day you will find peace… strength… purpose.
jackson wore purple today to celebrate his 1st birthday. when he’s old enough, he will know why…
continue with your honesty in your posts. it is necessary in your grief process, and in the world’s grief process with you and mike.
jackson sends a hug… and drooly kiss.
nic @MyBottle’sUp!’s last blog post..to jackson: on your 1st birthday
Debby says:
It was an honor to make a donation for her. It would have been nice if they could have waited longer to send you those papers. I guess it would have hit you hard either way when you received them. My heart is full of sorrow for your loss.
Debby’s last blog post..Penny Pines Plantation Program
Erin B says:
Oh, I am so very, very sorry. I can only imagine what a sucker punch that must have been, to open your mail and find that waiting for you.
I’m a frequent visitor of your blog, but have never commented.. yet tonight I found myself drawn to the reply section. So many posters have left beautifully eloquent messages and I know mine won’t come close, but I wanted you to know that you have another mom thinking of you out here. I wish there was more I could do… words seem so insufficient in times like these.
Before I close, I wanted to thank you for sharing Maddie with us. That smile – so contagious! I can’t tell you the number of times I found myself grinning back at my monitor like a complete goofball. I really don’t think I’ve ever seen a happier baby. She made such a lasting impression on so many people. I promise, I will never, ever forget your sweet Maddie.
Sending you many gentle hugs,
Erin
iMommy says:
These are the things that we never think about when we think about a loss like this. At least, I never thought about it. What some people might consider a “mundane” detail – just paperwork – but to a mother, to YOU, Maddie’s mother…. it’s unbelievably painful, and surprising, and maybe surreal, but all in all… just devastating.
Prayers and thoughts are with you. So glad that hear that more and more are donating to MoD in Maddie’s name.
She was the Famous Madeline during her short time on earth, and she continues to be famous even in heaven.
Amy says:
No mother should have to go through something like this
You seem like a such strong woman (and an amazing mother).
Amy’s last blog post..I Heart Faces {Self Portrait}
KRistin says:
I’m so grateful for your willingness to continue to share with us. I’ve loved and mourned Maddie from afar — so far, I’m in Atlanta — and though you OWE YOUR READERS NOTHING, we’re so grateful that you continue to share. Be kind to yourself. Know you and your husband and your darling daughter are loved. You ARE an incredible mother–you have inspired me.
Love,
Kristin
Mary in AZ says:
Tears run down my cheeks as I write this tonight. No parent should ever have to open that mail. I am praying for you and Mike both as you find your way through each minute of the day.
Kasey says:
Hi there. I’m one of those mommy bloggers you never met. You do not know me. But I have cried so many times for you and for Maddie, as I am now after reading your updates. I have a friend who lost a baby at 7 months. Her daughter cut what I think was her first tooth during her monthlong hospital stay before her death. No baby should cut their first tooth in the hospital and then never use it on a Dum-Dum pop. No mommy should suffer like you and my friend have. My friend’s daughter was named Maddie, too. And I blogged about the two of you a few days ago. I’m sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your family, friends, photography, writing, and the fact that your sweet Maddie is dancing in heaven, giggling down on you and waiting till the day you can twirl together again.
Love,
Kasey
the other jackson 5
Indianapolis
Jen says:
Thank you for sharing Maddie with the world. I catch myself staring at her picture everytime I visit your blog. Her smile and eyes are just captivating. She touched so many people in such a short time. She was so lucky to have such amazing parents! My heart breaks for you during this terribly difficult time, stay strong and know that Maddie will always be fondly remembered by people all over this crazy and unfair world. She was AMAZING.
Jen’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) says:
I’m so sorry for you loss. I wish I could say more. I wish I could do more. I can’t imagine what you are doing through. God be with you in such a confusing and difficult time. Even if you don’t feel it, He is there. I don’t know why this happened and i feel somewhat angry, but I know God will hold you in his arms tonight.
Lisa (Jonny’s Mommy)’s last blog post..Wow. He really is a boy.
Funsize says:
Oh Heather, to say I’m sorry simply isn’t enough. So, all I can do is send you virtual hugs from one mom to another.
Funsize’s last blog post..Trust
Alexandra says:
Oh, she was just so freakin’ beautiful…MY GOSH ALREADY!! I could stare at that angel’s face forever…it’s astounding to see her just in pictures, I cannot even begin to feel what it must’ve been like to behold her IRL. I bet the world just stopped turning when you looked into her eyes..
Meghan says:
I think of you all the time. I see Maddie’s face many times throughout my day. In ways I cannot explain, she has changed me. Inspired me to laugh and smile more. To quit sweating the small stuff. To embrace life. Thank you for sharing her story.
Lora says:
I am so, so sorry for your loss!!! I can’t even imagine going through what you are going through right now. No parent should ever have to endure that.
You and Maddie are very much in our thoughts and prayers. Today we received our T-shirts bearing her name that we will be wearing when we do the March for Babies in her honor on Friday.
Lora’s last blog post..Transitioning to A Big Girl Bed
Shauna says:
I LOVE moosh in Indy’s idea of a life certificate. Maddie’s would go way past the letter z and onto the numbers with her life. That little girl lived WAY MORE in her 17 (way too) short months, more than I think I can even say for myself. That will change. Because of your little girl, I want to be a better person. Every single day since her death, I think of many little things I can do to make the world a better place, in honor of your sweet, beautiful baby girl. Maddie truly was an angel on Earth. She just had literally a glow about her, I have never seen a happier, vibrant person in my entire life. When I get my paycheck on Friday, I will be giving every single little bit I can afford to give to March of Dimes. Your Maddie has driven me to try and make the world a better place, and I will do that because she never got the chance. You know if she did have the chance, she would, so it is up to all of us to do it for her.
Heather and Mike, there is literally nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but just know that I am so very sorry. I am spreading Maddie’s story around to everyone I know. I actually told her story to someone who had already heard of her! Thank you for sharing with us, thank you so so much. Thank you for doing such an amazing job raising such a beautiful, perfect little girl, who touched the hearts of THOUSANDS. Thank you, Heather and Mike.
Insta-Mom says:
Oh, hon.
XO
Insta-Mom’s last blog post..Just call him Tex
Farah says:
I too have been thinking about Maddie and your family since I first read of her passing. There are truly no words, but I wanted you to know how much you inspire me to be a better mom.
I hope you find comfort in all of the beautiful and positive impressions you’ve made because of Maddie. I think of all the babies and families that will be helped by the donations you’ve prompted and all of the other readers who are inspired to be better parents, friends, daughters, human beings…
Hang in there. Sending much love your way…
Michelle W says:
No matter how many times I leave a response I am compelled to leave yet another, somehow I feel if I don’t it’s as if I’ve forgotten and I can never forget, I will never forget. I know with absolute certainty that anyone who has “met” your Maddie and the rest of your family will never forget. I can’t help my tears or the large lump in my throat, the reality of it is still beyond my grasp and she is not my daughter, but someone I came to love and always will. Be kind and gentle with yourself and grieve in whatever way you need to.
christieo says:
i have come back now three times today trying to think of the “right” thing to say but i just can’t. honestly? i don’t think there is a “right” thing, but saying something is better than saying nothing, i believe. each day i come here to check in on you, to hear your courageous words and i think about them throughout the day, and when i think about what it would be like to receive my child’s death certificate, i break down. i can’t imagine in a million worlds what you’re going through but as a mommy i hug you from miles and miles away and in my mind i hug you all day long. i just wanted you to know that. Someone commented (and I can’t find it now) that there should be a pain rotation, and each of us could take a turn, and I so wish that something like that existed so that you would at least be able to breathe even for just a minute. But for now, while you grieve, I send you my blessings.
christieo’s last blog post..Before and After: My Friend Jen (Part Two)
wordygirl says:
Just another person you don’t know.
I feel like I shouldn’t be here, because the first time I heard about Maddie was when Amalah posted about your loss. But since then, I’ve cried so many times about a baby I never knew, and wished that I could reach out and hold you and we could cry together. As strange and creepy as that sounds, considering I’m a total stranger. But I feel we are united somehow as mothers.
I’m reading through your archives as quickly as I can, so that I can know Maddie’s life as well as her death. It’s obvious to me that you and Mike are amazing people and Maddie was blessed to have you as parents.
Part of the reason we blog, as you mention in a previous post, is to feel less alone. You have created an incredible memoir of your daughter’s life and we all stand by to witness it, reaching out to you with love, compassion, and tears. We bear witness. It’s not much, but it’s all we can do. We are with you. God bless.
wordygirl’s last blog post..Green Gwen
sabrina says:
God wanted her more than u did and she is now at “complete peace”.
Lillian says:
i’m so sorry to hear that even your one “reprieve” (getting the mail) has been gripped by the boundless depths of your loss…just as no place in your heart was untouched by your little pocket princess, so also no place in your life will go untouched by her passing…with care, l
Lillian’s last blog post..the truth
Hopeful says:
We are not defined by the moment of our birth or the moment of our death, but instead, the moments in between in which we lived. Maddie lived each moment of her life so bravely and fully.
You have shared those moments of her joyous life with us through your blog and through your pictures, and for that, we (your readers) will be eternally grateful. Your beautiful little girl has set the internet on fire. It’s ablaze with Maddie and we’ll never forget her.
Thank YOU for sharing with us in this space, even now, despite your obvious pain.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight
On the ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there.
I did not die.
My Spirit is still alive…
~Hopi Prayer
I’m so sorry for your loss. You and Mike are in my prayers.
Jaclyn says:
It hurts my heart that you had to find that in the mail among all the other cards and letters. I have been following your blog for sometime now. I have not known what to say since this happened. You dont know me, but I am a mom so I can sort of begin to understand although I dont even come close to understanding the magnitude. Your family is in our prayers. Maddie is a gorgeous girl. You are doing an amazing job of keeping her memory alive.
Petunia says:
I am another one of the “you don’t know me” readers, but I feel deeply sorry for your loss, but so glad you found such happiness and joy in your daughter. The piece you wrote in her memory is beautiful and made me cry. I do not have children, but I can only hope to be as wonderful mother as you are, yes ARE. I send you many, many hugs from afar.
Petunia’s last blog post..No Day Like Today
Becky says:
I’ll never forget the day when we received our daughter’s death certificate in the mail. It also said “infant” and “never married” and then listed cod as acute renal failure and prematurity. It was like a huge slap in the face.
I’m so very sorry you have to go through all this.
Becky’s last blog post..Anything for your baby
amanda says:
Hugs! I check your blog several times a day… Thank you for sharing with us. So very sorry.
amanda’s last blog post..Hungry?
Just Jiff says:
I dont know when I’ll be able to read your blog and not cry my eyes out.
It just doesn’t seem right to send you a death certificate that soon. It’s just wrong. It’s like rubbing it in.
HUGS.
Just Jiff’s last blog post..Got Hobbies? **LONG POST**
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
You know how royalty had (have?) taste testers so they’d be poisoned instead of the king? You need a mail tester. Someone who will put away the difficult things for later and pass on only the sunshine and roses. Poison comes in a million different forms, it seems.
Love you, girl.
Andrea’s Sweet Life’s last blog post..Ho’ing Around
melanie says:
I am soooo sorry. hugs
melanie’s last blog post..Sneek Peak….
Glenda says:
Thinking of you and praying! XO
Laura says:
Absolutely horrifying. I am so deeply sorry.
Natalie says:
I have been praying every morning and night for you, your husband and your family. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel says:
My heart was wrenched when I read the last sentence.
Oh my god, the pain you must be feeling.
We have come so close to losing our son more than once, but the difference is, we haven’t.
I cannot imagine…
Mary @ Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Testing Slut’s Devotion To Loit
mrschattypants says:
I first learned of your family via Twitter and it broke my heart to read about your loss. Your stories of Maddie and your time together are a beautiful reflection of the love and happiness you shared. And even though we are strangers, I wish I could take away your pain. Sending thoughts, prayers and hugs for you and Mike.
mrschattypants’s last blog post..The Sniffer
Kere says:
I.am.so.sorry! there is nothing else i can say.
Kere’s last blog post..Alligator Agua
Lisa says:
There are no words. You and your family are thought of, prayed for, mourned with, every single day by hundreds of thousands of strangers, each and every moment.
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:
In agony for you. Everything I type here, I go back and delete. There are no words. {{{HUGS}}}
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)’s last blog post..Spend a night-in with Pride and Prejudice AND a new Blu-Ray Player!
Jenna says:
Maddie was a beautiful little girl and so lucky to have parents that loved her as much as you both clearly did. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine a more excrutiating pain, and yet you have so much grace. You are an inspiration, as is Maddie.
Nikki says:
My heart aches for you & Mike (and all of Maddie’s family). There are no words…
Abby says:
I am so sorry.
Andrea Neuman says:
I’ve done nothing but cry the last couple of weeks for your family and for Thalons family. i am so sorry for your loss.
I know my words are not enough. Nothing will ever be “enough” again I’m sure.
My post last night was dedicated to Maddie and Thalon and I’m only sorry it took me so long to come to terms with my own emotions and get a grip on myself to write it and post it.
I am just another stranger, another blogger, another person, who is feeling pain and heartache for your family and for sweet, adorable Maddie. Someone who wishes she could do something, anything, to undo what’s been done.
Andrea Neuman’s last blog post..For Maddie & Thalon
Denise says:
Time to start checking the PO box and forget about the real mail. Hopefully some sunshine will come soon…
Holly Daily says:
On 3/21/09 a knife was lodged through my heart. That’s the only way I can attempt to explain it. My heart skipped beats, my chest tightened, and there was a hole the size of Texas. My baby girl, Addison Faith, who was born at 25 weeks passed away. I begged and bargained with God as I watched her saturation drop into the 60s then 50s, her heart rate fall to 80 then 60 then 39 before I had to look away. I couldn’t see much of anything through the tear filled puffy eyes but I did manage to see that frightful 3-9. Why do these things happen to innocent babies? I’m sure you’ve asked that a million times, too. Why can God heal some people and not others??? Addison passed away on her 3 month birthday. I held her one time in 3 months. I spent everyday sitting by her isolette, holding her hand, singing, reading, laughing, journaling how all too soon that little finger I was grasping would have a ring on it and then babies of her own. She made it through the dreaded first week, the 4 week, 6 week marker, and surely at 3 months she’d have to make it…right? Well there’s nothing more painful than gathering the courage to release all selfishness and tell your precious baby that its okay to go. It’s okay to go to heaven and wait for mommy. That she’s allowed to let go of all that strength she had been showing during her 3 month NICU stay, because no matter where she was physically, she would ALWAYS be in her momma’s heart. Somehow I had the strength to say all those things to Addie but that same strength is nowhere to be found when its time to get up in the morning, when the death certificates come in the mail, when I enter her name on my tax forms, when caring people call to offer support. It’s all too much. There are times when I just want to go be with her. I want to hug her, protect her, swaddle her. Addison was a twin. Her brother Ashton is still in the NICU and doing pretty well. He *should* be coming home in a couple of weeks without oxygen! It’s been so difficult to enter that NICU knowing my little Addie was not going to be there, to see her spot occupied by a new baby, to miss the sound of her hissing oscillator. The knife in my heart is there every second. I’m so happy for Ashton but I’m terrified. After losing Addison, I can’t imagine brining him home, spending 17+ months with him, then having him suffer a major setback or battle another infection. How do you do it? How am I going to do it? One heart can only break so much.. Thank you for sharing your life at such a difficult and vulnerable time.
borysSNORC ™ says:
I’ve been reading your story (yours and Mike’s) and absolutely weeping for the feelings of loss you have both experienced. I can’t imagine that anyone can really know the pain you’re going through but I want you to know that I’m thinking of you… even though we’ve never met.
Look after each other.
Robyn
borysSNORC ™’s last blog post..Maybe I should just stick to the hot wax parties.
jenni says:
My son died from a pneumothorax, prematurity, cardiopulmonary failure. I don’t have his birth certificate but I have his death certificate. I don’t remember how we got it. Someone gave it to us or mailed it. 10 years later I’m still sorting out my grief.
I remember the ache you feel and my heart breaks for you. I wish I could hug you. Just so you could have something to hold. I’m so sorry. Babies shouldn’t die. It’s just not fair.
Jessi says:
*hugs* Thinking about both you and Mike Heathr. I’m so sorry
Jessi’s last blog post..Sometimes it takes a sledge hammer to…
Ellicott City Mama says:
Another total stranger writing to say . . . . well, I don’t know what to say . . . but saying nothing seems wronger. You are in my thoughts. I’ll never see purple the same way again. Maddie’s smile is beautiful and unforgettable. I’m so sorry for your incredible loss.