The urge to lay on the couch or in bed all day is overwhelming. The one thing I look forward to each day is getting the mail. We are getting so many amazing cards, letters, drawings, photographs, just things that take my breath away. I will share them all at some point.

Mike picked up the mail from our personal mailbox today. There were several envelopes from the March of Dimes stating that donations to their general fund had been made in Madeline’s name. We received two sample ballots (ANOTHER election, California? Jeez.). And in a small white envelope, there were five sheets of multi-colored paper folded in half.

Death certificates. Maddie’s death certificates.

It took six months for California to send me an unemployment check, but it can turn around a death certificate in two weeks.

They listed her occupation (yeah, occupation) as “infant.” Under marital status it said, “never married.”

I didn’t know the exact time she passed. 6:57 pm. I’m not sure if knowing the time makes things better or worse.

There were four immediate causes of death.

a) Pulmonary Hypertensive Crisis
b) Pneumonia
c) Chronic Lung Disease
d) Prematurity

And three contributing factors

Pneumothorax, Asthma, Refractory Shock

Please excuse me for not googling/linking to term explanations. I just…can’t.

We’re supposed to get report cards and college acceptance letters in the mail. Not this.

I don’t even have a copy of her birth certificate.