The March For Maddie was on Saturday. Over 120 people signed up for our team.

This isn’t even everyone. Some people were late, taking the picture, handing out shirts, etc. Not to mention the dozens of other walks in Maddie’s honor all over the country that were this weekend, last weekend, and next weekend.

Mike and I met a lot of March of Dimes big wigs. We met Sherri Shepherd. She gave me a hug and mentioned Maddie in her speech. She also asked me a question that was hard to hear over the din. It was either, “How many weeks were you?” meaning how far along was I when Maddie was born, or “how many weeks ARE you?” which dude. Not pregnant. I weigh less now than I have in years. So we’ll just hope she asked the former.

A lot of people came up to Mike and me. We got lots of hugs from “strangers.” A little girl made Maddie a ribbon. There were cards from team members and blog readers. And a beautiful young woman came up to me after the walk, when I was being pulled in five different directions, and pressed this amazing drawing into my hands.
Maddie, by pencil

I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. I didn’t adequately thank her. I can see by her signature on the drawing that her name is Gabby. Gabby, PLEASE email me. Please. thespohrs at gmail dot com.

I spoke before the march, and Mike stood at my side. I have been preparing myself for the march for almost three weeks. Now it’s over. It’s all over.

A lot of people have said they think we are strong and inspiring. I do not feel strong or inspiring. Not that I ever have. But today has been the worst day. I feel like I’m full of hot, jagged rocks.

My arms tingle, and I remember that I’ve had this sensation before. When I was on bed rest, my legs would ache and tingle. I mentioned it to my Obstetrician, and she said, “those are your legs muscles atrophying. It is an unfortunate side-effect of bed rest.” My arm muscles are tingling because I am not picking up Maddie. I am not lifting her up, holding her weight, feeling her cheek against my chest.
she makes me feel like a mommy

I want my baby. Oh Maddie! I need you!