The day after Maddie died, I asked my friend Jackie! to come to me. She put everything on hold and drove six hours to be with me. When she arrived at my house, I was laying in bed, having just taken a sleeping pill. She got into bed with me, and laid with me while I slept. She (along with some of my other closest friends) took care of all the details that I couldn’t. She bought several dresses and brought them to my house so I wouldn’t have to go shopping for a funeral dress. She even bought me spanx. She means everything to me.
Jackie!, for those of you who don’t know, has a very mean and aggressive brain tumor. She inspires me every day (and will hate me for saying that). Instead of wallowing like so many would, she has raised tens of thousands of dollars for brain tumor research. She has headed up the top fund-raising team in San Francisco for the last two years running. She has bravely told her story in front of thousands. She is awesome.
The last couple months have been rough on Jackie!. She’s been having seizures, and has been feeling generally crappy. But it was still an unexpected blow when we found out that Jackie!’s last two brain scans showed suspicious growth. It could be scar tissue from her first surgery, but based on the growth between scans, the doctors suspect it isn’t.
So, today in San Francisco at 3:30 pm, her amazing neurosurgeon is cutting into her skull to see what’s growing on her brain. Her second brain surgery. I am hoping with every fiber of my being that it IS just a strange scar growth, and that once it’s removed, her seizures will stop and she’ll be able to recover quickly and focus on raising more money and growing hair back on her noggin.
Before Jackie!’s first brain surgery, Maddie let Jackie! borrow her lucky shirt. Jackie! had it with her in the hospital:
On Maddie’s first birthday, Jackie! returned the shirt and gave Maddie something else:
Annie and I are going to hold, touch, and wear it all day, sending all our brave vibes to Jackie!.
I hope you all will do the same. Please.
Laura Scarborough says:
reading about this amazing friend of yours, Jackie, nearly takes my breath away. Of course there will be prayers, many prayers from my part of Cali to Jackie in San Francisco.
Colleen Dorris says:
Been wondering about how Jackie! is doing…..she will be in my prayers!
Kate @ UpsideBackwards says:
Sending lots of love from NZ too. Holding Jackie! and her family and friends in my heart.
Elle says:
Jackie! sounds like an amazing friend and a beautiful person. My thoughts are with her and you.
Summer says:
My thoughts and prayers are with you all today. Let’s all be brave together!
Nelly says:
What an amazing woman! I am sending all of my positive vibes all the way from England! My thoughts are with you and Jackie. xx
Jenny says:
Best wishes/ vibes/ prayers to your friend, Jackie. May the doctors and nurses be wise in their decisions and the outcome good. She really is a brave friend.
I hope that Jackie has a tiny, perfect angel watching over her today.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Thinking about your dear friend Jackie…
sherri says:
Praying for Jackie! and hoping it is just scar tissue. Thinking of you, Heather!
Kirsten says:
She sounds like a truly amazing woman. I’ll hold her in my thoughts today, and send lots of positive energy her way.
mary c says:
Jackie,
I hope that all goes well today. I will be thinking about you. Heather always writes what a strong, brave women you are and what a wonderful friend, the best anyone could ask for. So to both of you “Be Brave”.
Mary
Sue says:
Jackie sounds like the very best kind of friend that anyone could ever ask for. I’m praying, with all my heart, that she recovers, and stays your friend for a lifetime. Please, please, get better, Jackie! We are all rooting for you!
Karen says:
Seeing that pendant brought tears. Two very strong ladies.
Kick ass on your surgery, Jackie! Rooting for you indeed!
jen says:
One of the first times i read your blog many years ago you mentioned Jackie. I always wondered how she was doing and assumed very well since you didnt mention her as much. I will pray for her today as she goes through another surgery. I dont know her, but i look up to her. Every picture of her she is smiling…it makes my “bad” day seem forgettable. Sending all the positive vibes i can today. GO JACKIE!!!
Heather says:
Brain tumors are scary stuff. A friend of mine was dxd with one during her 6th month of pregnancy. She just celebrated her son’s 6th birthday and 5 years tumor free.
My thoughts and prayers are with her!
Friends like Jackie! deserve the best.
amanda says:
Sending my best brain vibes her way today! xoxo
Marsha says:
Praying for your brave and beautiful friend.
sarah says:
many many prayers to your beautiful friend.
Claire says:
Sending healthy vibes to Jackie! I will be thinking of her today. She sounds like a true friend.
Maggie, dammit says:
This makes me a little sick this morning because in July I lost my friend in exactly the same way, and he had also raised a gazillion dollars for brain tumor research. I pray every day that that research gains ground. I’ll add your friend to my prayers.
Margie says:
You got it, Heather. Jackie! is an awesome friend and damnit if we aren’t going to rally around you and your family and friends and show you love!!!!
Jana A says:
Praying for Jackie! and for all of her friends and family today.
Kirsten says:
Oh goodness! Big fat tears were shed this morning. I am definitely going to be think about and praying for her this morning. And for all of you as well.
audra says:
i want Jackie to be my friend!!! she sounds truly amazing. she will be in my thoughts today! praying for good news and a speedy recovery for her!
Wicked SteppMom says:
I will definitely keep Jackie! (and you) in my thoughts & prayers today. I know far too many people who have/had brain tumors. I also know from personal experience how much seizures suck, since I have epilepsy-but I can offer the bit of knowledge that sometimes seizures are a “side effect” of previous brain surgery/trauma, and sometimes they can also be stopped by surgery (depending upon what kind they are/where in the brain they’re located), so hopefully today’s surgery will just be a “clean-up” of sorts: remove that pesky scar tissue & “fix” the seizures.
janeen says:
Pray I will and amazing she is.I’m glad you share her story, b/c now she inspires us too. Undoubtedly, you’re amazing and inspiring to her too.
Editdebs says:
I’ll will be sending her lots of good vibes–and some to you also.
Nikki says:
Have been, and will continue to, pray fervently that Jackie!’s surgery has the best possible outcome and that she’s quickly on the road to recovery.
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Loren Bell says:
We will!
Staci Ainsworth says:
I will be praying for Jackie. What an amazing woman.
Alison says:
MANY thoughts & prayers for Jackie! She is such a kind and beautiful soul. I don’t understand why these things happen to the best of people.
As geeky as it is, I’ll even set my cell phone alarm to 3:30 PM PST today to remind me to pray RIGHT then as well.
Hugs and love all around.
Jenn says:
Sending many prayers and much love to Jackie!
Lisa says:
Jackie! is such an inspiration. Since the very first time I read about her here on your blog I’ve been amazed by her strength and her fight. She will be in my heart and in my thoughts today.
susanmig says:
sending all my best and biggest most positive vibes from colorado to jackie! and to you!!!
Eric's Mommy says:
Sending MANY MANY brave vibes Jackie’s way!
Kelly says:
Jackie! is so brave. I am thinking of her, and hope that everything goes well for her.
queenfrigid says:
Sending your friends lots of good thoughts and positive vibes!
Megan says:
Done. What a beautiful person.
ClassyFabSarah says:
Praying for Jackie! all day today.
Jamie says:
The positive energy I have today is heading straight for Jackie! If there’s any leftover, I’m sending it to you. Lots of positive thoughts to you both, and high hopes for a successful surgery.
Snickrsnack Katie says:
I am praying for your friend! I have a friend who had a brain tumor for several years that caused seizures. They got rid of the tumor, but the seizures continued. They finally did a surgery last year that got rid of the seizures, but no one knew if she would walk again or be able to function. Well she can! She is even pregnant with a baby right now! I have faith that your friend, too, will come through this with flying colors. I am praying for her!!!!
Kate says:
Praying for Jackie all day, especially at 3:30 SF time.
Laney says:
I’ve always loved reading about Jackie! and your friendship with her. I’ll be sending lots of love and good vibes from New York up and over to San Francisco.
Lisa_in_WI says:
Hope all goes well with Jackie’s surgery today.
Another Heather says:
Good luck Jackie! — sending my best and brightest thoughts to you today, from WI. Brrrrr!
Carrie says:
I remember that Jackie used to have a Caring Bridge site, does she still have this? If so, could you post a link to it?
Praying for Jackie! today and sending good vibes to San Fran.
Carrie
LisaJ says:
Praying for Jackie today, Heather.
Good vibes, prayers, and healing thoughts coming from South Florida.
Karen says:
Sending my love, good thoughts and prayers to Jackie!
Minnyc says:
Will be thinking good thoughts for Jackie!
Kristin (MamaKK922) says:
My thoughts and prayers are with Jackie today. I too hope it is strange scar tissue.
Melina E. says:
My thoughts and hopes and prayers are going out to your very brave friend. Stay strong Jackie!
AngieM. says:
hoping and praying everything will be ok.
xoxo
Deborah says:
I’ve been following Jackie’s! Caringbridge page and am continually amazed at her attitude and spirit. Praying that things go really well today.
Jen says:
She is so incredibly brave. I will be thinking good thoughts for Jackie! all day today (and every day after too).
Sarah B says:
What an amazing friendship you share! Jackie! is beautiful inside and out. You are in my prayers.
Glenda says:
I’ve been following Jackie on caring bridge since you first told us about her. She’s beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I’m praying that its scar tissue and the seizures stop. Jackie is so full of life and so brave. I’m sure her angels from above will be watching out for her (her grandma and Maddie). Sending you hugs Heather and strength.
Brandy says:
I have a friends who have been the same way through the loss of my dad eight years ago and the recent loss of my grandpa. There is nothing better in the world than friends like that. I am praying for your brave friend today.
Elizabeth says:
You have such an amazing friend in your life which is an amazing gift. Be brave Jackie!!!! My thoughts are with her.
angelique says:
Jeez Heather, I’m totally bawling right now. Sending good ibes Jackie’s way.
Tara. says:
Praying for bravery! Praying for the Doc’s hands, praying for Jackie’s strength and that the outcome is positive.
Trisha Vargas says:
You got it Babe! Sending nothing but good vibes for Jackie!
(((((HUGS))))) from Florida
Tamara says:
I will be keeping Jackie! in my thoughts and prayers throughout the day…
Caitlin says:
Prayers and tons of love to Jackie. Hope everything goes well for her.
Rachel says:
sending lots of good tumor killing thoughts and good vibes to California
VDog says:
Best wishes and ninja chops to unruly brain masses for Jackie!
Also, lots of love and scalp massages (to break up scar tissue) and good vibes straight from the entire Cracker Family!!
Heather says:
Sending prayers and good thoughts for your Jackie! Best friends are one of life’s treasures- you and Jackie are lucky to have each other!
Candy says:
Sending thoughts to Jackie!
Maria Delgado says:
Praying for you Jackie!
You are loved!
miss says:
Jackie! rocks! She’s got maddie holding her hand tight today, I just know it. I’ll be sending her good vibes all day!
Krystal says:
Thinking of you and Jackie! today. Hope she catches a break finally and its only scar tissue.
Coco says:
Sending lots and lots of smarty-pants brain vibes to Jackie! today…. I’ll set an alarm for 3:30!
Shannon says:
done
Amy Collen says:
I got a chance to meet the famous Jackie! at the March of Dimes last year. I think that is what I said to her, or something like, “You’re Jackie, exclamation point! Such a sweet woman. She is in my prayers today.
Nanette says:
Sending lots of healthy thoughts Jackie!’s way!
Rachel says:
Sending positive vibes to Jackie! today!
Pinkie Bling says:
Get well soon, Jackie! ! (Had to have one ! for her name and one for punctuation.)
Kate says:
Sending prayers and good thoughts her way……
Shelley Mitchell says:
Thoughts and prayers all the way from Maine to Jackie! and also for your family!
meghan says:
Many many prayers for Jackie!
Missy K says:
Sending millions of good thoughts & prayers for Jackie!
Candi says:
Praying for Jackie! today!
Susan says:
Sending prayers, hugs, and love for Jackie!
Savannah says:
Your friend Jackie is nothing less than a hero. Congratulations to her for doing so much to further the cause of cancer, and for doing her best to make something positive out of such a difficult situation.
I will keep her in my thoughts and hope that all the surgeon finds is scar tissue.
Also, Heather, have you read this: http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/01/18/o.coble.tragedy.miracle/index.html?hpt=C2?
I thought of you as I read it.
Skye says:
College friends are awesome- I’ve stayed close with my best friends from college, too. I will be thinking about Jackie! all day today.
Jennifer Pletcher says:
What an amazing friend. We will be praying for her and wishing her a full recovery
Kristen says:
Praying for your dear Jackie!!
Jen says:
My brother died of a brain tumor. My best friend has one. I’m sick of them!
Jackie! is in great hands. She will fight whatever comes her way. She will be okay really soon. My thoughts are with you all.
abbeyviolet says:
Hugs to you Jackie!
Tedra says:
Lots of prayers from Missouri being sent Jackie’s way!
Shannon Kieta says:
Love you Jackie!
Alison says:
So much love for Jackie!. I’m thinking “Turk is toast” especially hard today.
Christine says:
Thinking of you and Jackie! and sending so many good healthy thoughts her way.
michele wallace says:
Your friend Jackie appears to be AMAZING & BEAUTIFUL! I am thinking of her (and you) today sending postive good thoughts her way. I look forward to reading a positive post on her outcome.
kate says:
Jackie! will be in my thoughts and prayers. She sounds like an amazing person.
Camie says:
Sending love and hope and all the bravery I can summon to Jackie!
Jeannine says:
Jackie! sounds like she’s a rock star.
My Nana has 2 inoperable brain tumors and she’s been giving them the middle finger for over 20 years. I think Jackie! will be able to do the same =) Sending lots of love and good vibes down your way for you and Jackie!
Calleah says:
Positive thoughts, vibes, and energy all going in Jackie!’s direction. Lots of love to all.
Beth says:
thinking positive thoughts for Jackie!
Sid says:
What sweet memories. I do hope your friend’s operation went well and I look forward to reading the update.
AmazingGreis says:
Sending out some much LOVE and positive happy juju to JACKIE! today and always!! Love to you as well Heather. Keep us posted!! XOXO
Nellie says:
Beautiful post for a beautiful, amazing friend in your life! I am sending lots of love, prayers and positive thoughts for Jackie. Her smile alone, brings such happiness and I pray that that is returned to her 100 fold with an amazing outcome from her surgery.
Tricia (irishsamom) says:
Oh Heather – she is in our prayers all day today and we’ll keep her in them till she makes a full recover, I hope for her, she deserves it. What a brave, brave story of an obviously amazingly special friend and woman. I know that Maddie is watching over her too with you and Annie today. Hugs to you too today – you are all in our hearts and prayers and Jackie is at the top of our list today.
tricia xx
Deer Baby says:
Sending all the love and good vibes to Jackie from the UK! What wonderful friends you are to each other.
Cinthia says:
Good luck! Hang in there! God bless you and heal you Jackie!!
Mishi says:
I just said a prayer for Jackie!.
Stefanie says:
You know I’m obsessing like a fucking crazy person. I am awed by your special friendship with Jackie! because you two have been through hell together and back.
I will help you send healing positive but also funny thoughts to Jackie! and will be waiting for updates.
xxoo
Nadinsche says:
She sounds like an amazing friend! I hope with all my heart that everything turns out alright!
Melanie B says:
Saying prayers for your beautiful friend, Jackie!
Jenn says:
I have recieved some e-mails from Jackie. I told her how proud I was of her and how much I was praying for her. I had been trying to get a hold of you as well to see how you were/ are but you must be too busy.
Love,
To You All!!!
Jenn
kathygee1 says:
I will keep your amazing friend in my prayers. I passed her name to my praying friends as well.
jenny says:
Praying for Jackie! No more loss for this family and their friends. PLEASE GOD! Hugs!
Jeanie says:
What a wonderful friend Jackie! is. And what a wonderful friend she has in you! Praying for good news.
CarrieB says:
Deal. She deserves it.
J from Ireland says:
Your dear friend is in my thoughts and prayers. She sounds amazing. Best wishes.
Alison says:
Ignoring the reply a couple above of mine that is just RUDE!
3:30 is almost here.. continued thoughts & prayers for Jackie!, as well as you, Heather!
Lex says:
Jackie is one of thise people you meet once and never forget. She has a beauty that comes from within and shines throygh her smile. I can see why she is so precious to you. I will be thinking of and praying for her. xoxo
Barb in Michigan says:
Jackie and all of her supporters , Doctors and Nurses are in my prayers. Inknow she has always been such a great friend of your’s.
Amy says:
Lots of positive thoughts, prayers and hope coming from our house today. We are in the same time zone as you and its 3:43 right now, she is in surgery as I type… thinking of what her family is going through and hoping and wishing that everything comes out ok.
She is brave. Very brave.
Thinking of you also Heather. Hang in there.
Alimartell says:
I hate that Jackie! is having such a tough time….she’s such an amazing person. Thinking of her…a million times over. Hoping for the best. Much love. xoxo
Michelle Pixie says:
All my positive energy is being sent her way asap!
Barbara says:
You must be a truly special person to have been blessed with a gift such as Jackie! in your life. I am sending my strongest positive energy her way today, and your way as well.
Nicole says:
Our family is praying for Jackie! sending our thoughts and love to her all the way from Missouri.
Iowamom says:
Anyone with an exclamation point IN THEIR NAME must be awesome! Jackie! is in our prayers and she IS brave.
Melissa says:
I hope everything went ok, and is only icky scar tissue. Jackie is in my thoughts and prayers.
Sarah M. says:
Lots & lots & lots of prayers heading Jackie!’s way! And a few for you as well
Super Lily says:
Keeping Jackie! in my thoughts and prayers.
Noelle says:
Sending lots of love, prayers, strength, hugs and courage to Jackie! and all her loved ones.
Jen Martin says:
Sending positive energy to you and your friend Jackie. Take care.
amourningmom says:
My thoughts and prayers are with Jackie! . She sounds like an amazing person. Thank you for sharing her story. Take care.
katrina says:
Jackie! sounds like a truly amazing person. She will be in prayers.
Rebecca says:
Heather, you are amazing and many of the women you blog about are just as amazing as you. Keep on shining.
amy says:
You and Jackie! will be in my thoughts. Sending healing vibes her way.
Dana says:
Your friend Jackie! seems like a beautiful person inside and out and I wish her good health. Sending positive thoughts her way!
Veronika says:
Praying for you Jackie! You sound like an amazing person. {{hugs}} to you too Heather.
Steph says:
Jackie! looks so amazingly upbeat. My prayers, hopes, and thoughts are with your dear friend. Thanks for your writing.
Michelle M. says:
Sending all my most powerful positive vibes, prayers, voodoo spells, and whatever else it takes for Jackie! to have good news tomorrow and get back to growing some hair on her noggin’.
I think everyone should have a Jackie! AND a Heather. Thank you for sharing both with us online.
Jean says:
Sending my prayers to Jackie, her family and friends….she is truly inspiring!
Kristin says:
I’m keeping Jackie in my thoughts. You have such amazing, strong women and girls in your life – including Madeline – the bravest of all. They always say you are the company you keep, and you definitely prove that. You’re one of the strongest people I “know.” Stay strong and keep your spirits up. We’re all thinking of you!
Mandy says:
I was going to say that the world needs as many Jackie!s as we can get, but it sounds like your Jackie! is one of a kind. I’m thinking of you, Heather(!–you deserve an exclamation point, too), and, of course, of Jackie!.
Stephany says:
Is she at UCSF? I work down the hall from the neuro ICU here. Sending her thoughts, prayers and lots of courage.
Ray says:
Oh, Heather! NOT only are you, Mike, Maddie & Annie amazing, but so are your family and friends! To be surrounded by so much love, and so much inspiration, and so much inner strength…my goodness.
JACKIE! will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. Definitely. <3<3<3
Here's to telling "Turk The Tumor" (if I remember correctly) to: "GET LOST!"
Jackie says:
Hi all,
It took me a few days to get back on here and read all of your amazing comments, thoughts and prayers…
I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for supporting me and my beautiful friend Heather. We BOTH appreciate it!
XOXO,
Jackie(!)
Stephanie Friant says:
I hope all works out for Jackie. What a wonderful woman and friend! May we all have someone like her in our lives!