Mike and I just got back from four days away from Annabel. She and Rigby had lots of fun with Gramma and Bampa. This was the second time Mike and I have gone away together since Annie was born. We sooooo need our couple time, where we can be with just each other and have uninterrupted conversations. You know, the conversations where all you do is talk about your kids.

The longest I’d been away from Annie until this trip was three days. I’ve always had an easy time leaving my kids in the past. I don’t know if it’s because we had to leave Maddie every day in the NICU, or if it’s just because I know that I (we all) need recharge time.

This time I struggled. I was very busy, but when I had my still moments, my mind went immediately to my girls. I realized I was missing both of my daughters with the same fierceness, with so much intensity that it was hard to inhale.

The hardest part was knowing that getting home wasn’t going to make it all better. There was only one little girl waiting for me at the end of the trip. Only one little girl was going to greet me at the door. And when I saw her, I noticed how she looked taller, and her hair seemed longer, and I couldn’t help but wonder how different my other little girl would have looked.

I don’t know why this time was harder. Seeing Annie, holding her and kissing her, was wonderful. But it also made me miss Maddie even more.

I’m feeling emotionally fragile, but I’m so thankful I have my Annabel to help make me strong again.