Yesterday, my mom, Meghan, and I were at UCLA for a meeting. Meghan had never been there, and my mom hadn’t spent much time in the new hospital. When Madeline was in the NICU (and later briefly on the pediatric floor), she was at the old hospital across the street. Last summer the hospital staff moved into their new, cushy digs, leaving behind their dilapidated facility and heaps of memories.
We walked through the medical plaza before we went into the hospital, and I pointed things out to them. The lab where I fainted, the hematology clinic, Dr. Blood’s office, where we saw Matthew Perry, Dr. Risky’s office, the cafeteria where the hot doctors eat, where the crowds gathered after Michael Jackson died. You know, the landmarks. It seemed like I’d really come to know the place since my weekly obstetric appointments had started.
Except, we’ve been keeping appointments in the medical plaza for over a year. Appointments for Madeline. The building houses Dr. Lung and the NICU follow-up clinic. It has the x-ray machine that took many images of Maddie’s lungs. It’s where we were told she was doing so well, developmentally right on target, sloooowly catching up in size.
In fact, we were there a year ago yesterday. I didn’t know that when we were there, but while I walked through the corridors of the medical plaza with my mom and friend I was hit with a lot of memories. I remembered when Maddie was smaller and Mike and I would push her in her stroller to her appointments. As she got bigger, I’d carry her on my hip and she’d make friends with everyone we passed. I remembered standing in the elevator lobby while four nurses went wild over Maddie, and she waved and said hi to all of them. I remembered the pride I felt that my daughter was so happy and charming despite her rough start in life. I remember sitting in the waiting room surrounded by “sick kids,” and longing for the day that Maddie wouldn’t need monthly check-ups. Now I’d do anything to be sitting in the waiting room with her again.
Mike usually drops me off in front of the medical plaza before my OB appointments. I go check in, and he parks the car. The first time I walked in alone, I automatically hit the elevator button for the second floor. The pediatrics doctors are on the second floor. I didn’t realize my mistake until I rounded the corner and saw the big fish tank in the waiting room. The kids’ fish tank. Maddie LOVED looking at those fish. I burst into tears.
Later today, I will take that elevator to the fourth floor, and see detailed images of my second child. I will leave my sadness on the lower floors. On the fourth floor, only cautious excitement is allowed.
Seraphim says:
What a place, and a kaleidoscope of memories. And your story of the fish tank broke my heart. I’m so sorry. Heather and Mike, I hope this afternoon creates some happy ones for you. Sending love as always, across the sea xxx
.-= Seraphim´s last blog ..Rory’s Garden. Part 2. =-.
pamela says:
im speechless. I dont know what to say except that I wish you all the luck, love, and hugs in your pregnancy. You are an inspiration to so many, Heather.
.-= pamela´s last blog ..One2One Ages of Rock (Review) =-.
Debbie in Memphis says:
Sending love and prayers for an excellent appointment and a good day.
catherine lucas says:
Brave of you to leave your sadness on the lower floor. A good compromise I find. A fitting tribute to Binky, who also needs a bit of the exitement surrounding being pregnant, although we all know the context…
I hope you get a marvellous DUH scan, and we will be happy with you….
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Ferrets and Pink rabbit ears… =-.
Chrissi says:
xoxoxo..
.-= Chrissi´s last blog ..Home again.. =-.
Anne says:
Wow. That is all I’ve got!
.-= Anne´s last blog ..I’m On Vacay Giveaway!!!! =-.
Noelle says:
Oh, Heather…you have a way of making me feel like I’m walking those hallways right beside you. Even though we’ve never met, please know that I, and countless others, are taking this journey with you, praying for you, and cheering you on every day.
Hugs!
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..I Am… =-.
Amanda says:
I hope todays visit to the 4th floor brings happiness and peace. Know that, like most other days, I’ll be thinking of you and Mike.
Kathryn says:
Darn fish!!!
I hope that you make only happy memories from now on. The loss of Madeline is enough sadness for so many.
Hugs and soooo looking forward to hearing more about Prince Binky or Princess Binky!
PrincessJenn says:
I hope the meeting went well. Perhaps in time you can make some happy memories in those halls when you take Binky to deliver Friends of Maddie bags.
Love and hugs always. xoxoxo
.-= PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Neuro Appt =-.
Heidi says:
Sending hugs. I hope you have a fantastic appointment!
.-= Heidi´s last blog ..I Ate Chicken and Then It Burned When I Peed =-.
Lauren says:
****HUGS**** You are strong and will be able to handle anything life throws at you!
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Blogging & the Gimme Gimmes =-.
tiff says:
Such bittersweet times.
Krissa says:
I like that, “cautious excitement”. My husband is a believer in the power of jinx and over the years he got me to not get too excited in expectation over things I look forward to – lest I jinx it and make the opposite happen. Well, I can totally be cautiously excited about things. Great way of looking at it! I’m looking forward (and not in a jinxy way) to reading about your appointment. (((hugs)))
Cinthia says:
Hang in there!
Sally says:
The hospital is a place for much horror and happiness for us as well. We’ve had the best and worst times of our lives in that place. Our situations are different, but I can relate to your post so much, Heather.
Looking forward to leraning more about baby Binky.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Hello in there =-.
Bec says:
You guys have had such a rough ride. It must be incredibly difficult to have such good and bad memories in the one place you can’t really get away from.
.-= Bec´s last blog ..Building a nest =-.
Erica says:
Good Morning dear sweet Heather,
Just to say that I, like all your other readers, am always there with you on all of your elevator (or lift as we say here) journeys, always holding your hand from afar, always keeping you in my thoughts from afar and always wishing there was more I could offer than words. I’m always sharing your sadness with you, always wanting to carry the burden for you, or at least some of the burden for you and often at a loss as how to offer you comfort. I’m always here sharing your “cautious excitement” with you and Mike and smiling with you in delight as you continue to get to know your precious little Binky bean. Its an honour to share your journey with you. Thank you for sharing with your readers. I’m also always here remembering your precious World Famous Maddie.
Always here with you, dear sweet Heather, you are always in my thoughts.
With love
your friend, Erica in Luxembourg
amanda says:
Just wish I could give you a hug. xoxo
(what is it about those fish tanks that kids love sooooo much??)
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..vacation day FAIL. =-.
Kelly says:
Sending love and hugs as always. And hopes that Binky behaves and shows you all you want to see REALLY soon!
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Mummy’s little model =-.
Kate in NZ says:
You have an amazing ability to make me want to laugh and cry and make my heart hurt all in the same post. Thank you for letting us share in your cautious excitement as well as your sadness! Love and hugs to you.
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..Secure and happy and independent =-.
AmazingGreis says:
(((hugs))) to you, my friend. Good luck with your appt. today. I will be thinking good thoughts and sending them your way!!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..30 20 days of {BLANK} – DAY 1 =-.
Dana says:
Oh Heather, my heart twisted and sank for you while thinking about you in that hospital hallway… I miss Maddie so much for you guys…She’ll be there with you guys today keeping you strong and cautiously excited… I’ll be thinking about you all day today! (((HUGS)))
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Sun, Jul 19, 2009 =-.
chatty cricket says:
It’s so….odd?…when a hospital feels so familiar. I am very excited to hear about the baby- might you find out boy binky or girl binky?
Yay for happy and excitement, even of the cautious variety.
.-= chatty cricket´s last blog ..inchworm =-.
Kristen McD says:
Good luck today! I hope Binky puts on a good show. Lots of hugs for your bravery.
Becky says:
i love you, bitch.
Dawn says:
I know you and Binky are going to do great today! Hugs to you and Mike.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Life is stranger than fiction =-.
nic @mybottlesup says:
hope apt went well. the last sentence of your post is beautifully optimistic. it’s good to hear that tone in your writing.
xoxo.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..aftermath =-.
Shannon Kieta says:
One day, Binky will LOVE the fish tank, just like Maddie did. And it will be like histiry repeating itself. There are going to be soooo many things you will find yourself telling Binky about that his big sis loved too. I can’t wait to find out more about Binky. I feel like you are my family. Is that normal?? I am not psycho or wierd or anything, it’s just that when you read about someone’s life everyday, and can relate in some way to their pain (sister’s death), it kind of make’s you feel close to them even though you have never met them! Thank’s for being my cyber space friend, You and Mike are very special people and I bet Binky can’t wait to get here to meet you. Shannon
Amy says:
What a beautiful post. I hope today brings nothing but pure joy!
always home and uncool says:
May Binky be as strong as you.
.-= always home and uncool´s last blog ..Come Back, Little Purple Dinosaur =-.
kristen says:
heather,
your ability to pick yourself back up is awe-inspiring. and your words continue to move me – you are a gifted writer…and an even more gifted mommy. maddie, and now binky, are lucky to be loved by you.
sending you hugs.
xo
kristen
Lisa says:
I love the last line of your post. I hope you can continue to be cautiously optimistic and that this pregnancy continues to let you see a little happiness in your life and in the world.
Sending you love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Maclaren Volo: First Impressions =-.
Candice says:
Hang in there Heather. Just take it day by day. You are doing amazing. Hugs. Oh, and your letter to Binky was so precious.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..I think we’re alone now… =-.
Tami says:
Wow ! I am so sorry:( I only pray for good health for the new baby and you. Hugs Heather.
Michelle Pixie says:
I am in awe of you and hoping that Binky cooperates and maybe you will see the sex of your little one!
.-= Michelle Pixie´s last blog ..And Then There Was One =-.
Liz says:
Heather, you really are amazing. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time know, and finding some small parallels in our stories (difficulty in pregnancy, premature babies) and I’m also pregnant again, due in December, and also hoping for a full-term, healthy pregnancy this time.
But your strength and positive additude put me to shame. You really are an inspiration, and someone I am learning a lot from.
Barbi says:
Hi Heather,
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now along with Matt’s. I wish I could wave a wand for you and Mike too, life just isn’t fair.
kay says:
a break-through.
beautiful. absolutely beautiful.
.-= kay´s last blog ..Blog Haters =-.
marit says:
May your visit to the fourth floor fill your heart with happiness.
Dee says:
You are amazing. Sending you a big hug and looking forward to tomorrow’s post
Amy says:
I haven’t cried at one of your posts in awhile but this one got me. I recently went back to the hospital for a follow up appt for myself. While on the elevator I automatically hit the button for the floor that the NICU is on. My story is a happy one so far so my heart breaks for you. I just hope Binky can ease some of your pain.
Jen says:
It must be so hard and so wonderful at the same time to have all of these memories of Maddie everywhere. You are so wonderful and such a strong woman. Your children are so lucky to have a mother like you.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Time marches on… =-.
Desiree says:
That’s right, you stay positive for that baby. I’m praying for you Miss Heather!
.-= Desiree´s last blog ..Good vibes please! =-.
Patty says:
Heather, I’m at a loss for words right now! I am filled with happiness for you over getting to see Binky today, yet I know it is a difficult place you are in right now with all of the memories of sweet little Maddie everywhere you go! But, wrap yourself in the sweet memories that you have of her, she is with you now and will always be! Love and Hugs from AZ!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..Knee deep =-.
gorillabuns says:
yea, everything is one big ol’ fucking reminder.
.-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..space/time continuum =-.
Badass Geek says:
Best of luck to you today. Thinking of you.
.-= Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I’ve Got A Complaint =-.
Erin says:
I will be thinking of you…hope all goes well. I hope you can smile on your way up to the 4th floor! Tell Binki we all said hi….i hope Maddie’s smile fills your heart and mind with wonderful memories as you go to the medical center today!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Support and Sarrow…. =-.
Issa says:
Good luck today Heather. I hope Binky decides to give you a little peak.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Next time someone asks how different my girls are, I can explain it right here =-.
meg...CT says:
You are strong and brave…be well.
Debi Powell says:
Excited is the place to be! We’re rootin’ for Binky and a healthy full term pregnancy!
AMomTwoBoys says:
I’m excited for you for today. And I’m crying for you too.
I love you.
.-= AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..Eye Yai Yai =-.
Mrs. Wilson says:
I hope you have an amazing time “seeing” your second child today!
.-= Mrs. Wilson´s last blog ..Chateau Jennui =-.
Amanda says:
You just have such a way, with the magic your write and the spirits you create.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Loops =-.
pgoodness says:
So exciting and so heartbreaking at the same time Heather. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m glad you write about it so we can share your joy and tears.
.-= pgoodness´s last blog ..Low Maintenance =-.
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
Hopefully the baby will be cooperative and we will soon know if Maddie is having a baby brother or sister! I can’t wait!
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Psssstt… =-.
Lex says:
Hugs and love to both you and Mike. Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories of friendly Maddie. And wonderful moments to look forward to. xoxo
beerab says:
I just wanted to give you this:
*BUG HUG*
I admire your strength.
Jaclyn says:
What an exciting day! Thinking of you as you walk in and pass the secnod floor and then still as you get to see fancy images of Binky! Good luck today. I think we are all on teh edge of our seats waiting to find out what this little bundle of joy is. Mr. or Miss Binky.
.-= Jaclyn´s last blog ..The lake =-.
Alicia says:
Thinking of you, as usual.
.-= Alicia´s last blog ..narcissus =-.
Colleen says:
Way to go.
Haley says:
How wonderful to see Binky in detail.
Jenn says:
Soo excited for your visit today! I bet Binky will cooperate, and when we all wake up tomorrow, we will be thrilled to read and learn if Binky is a mr. or a ms. Can’t wait to hear the news!
Much love, Jenn in CA
Sara Joy says:
It’s truly bizarre having some of your best and worst memories in the same place isn’t it?
But I am truly glad there is a fourth floor. Literally and figuratively, and I hope you can find your joy there.
Can’t wait for more Binky pics. Binky rocks.
.-= Sara Joy´s last blog ..Superstitious =-.
MommaUncensored says:
darlin’
celebrate binky as you do precious maddie.. your two very special children.
thoughts of you.
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
I’m so glad you’re able to put those limits on the fourth floor. And. I’m going to be waiting with baited breath to see some detailed photos of binky! And… oooohh, hear some news of the gender sort?? xoxo
.-= Andrea’s Sweet Life´s last blog ..Out of the Abyss =-.
Elizabeth says:
So hard. I know the hospital, I know the docs, I know the damn fishtank. For me it is Dr. Risky’s partners office that kills me. Bless his heart, he is a WONDERFUL man and a brilliant doctor but he has given me some very tough news in his office. I hope it goes well today
Scott says:
All parents and kids have different stories but it’s also amazing how similar they can be.
After spending 4 months in the hospital with our first son, I couldn’t help but be haunted by those memories when my second son was born.
I kept finding myself walking towards the NICU and forgetting I was there to see my new born son in the nursery.
In fact every time I drive by Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena, I remember all those days I spent sitting with my son hoping he’d survive.
Best of luck, and enjoy all the new memories you’re making.
.-= Scott´s last blog .. =-.
cindy w says:
Here’s hoping you never have to go back to the 2nd floor ever again.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..Potty-Training Status Report =-.
Earth_Mommy says:
*huggles and love*
.-= Earth_Mommy´s last blog ..Warning: Product Review, but not paid for =-.
Kay says:
I’m struck today by what a talented writer you are. This post in particular was really really good. I’m so glad you’re seeing Binky and I hope all goes well at your appointment. Sending love to you.
Colleen says:
Just wanted to offer love and prayers today! I clicked the link from a year ago yesterday, and it made my heart ache for you. I adore your writing, but it is forever laced with pain when reading it. I don’t know if it is my pain for you, or the undeniable fact that Maddy’s death has changed you forever. I don’t know how you move on, and I don’t know how you leave your pain on the 2nd floor, your strength is an INSPIRATION TO ME! I am not sure I would be able to leave the house ever again!
Alison says:
You are one brave, strong mama.
xoxo
.-= Alison´s last blog ..Blonde =-.
Just Jiff says:
Like Alison said above, you are one brave, strong mama.
*HUGS*
.-= Just Jiff´s last blog ..S cubed: Sleep, Social Workers, & School =-.
Leslie says:
The old hospital is special to me. It’s where I got to meet Maddie for the first time. I’ll never forget it.
I’ll be thinking about you today. I am looking forward to seeing and hearing about Binky.
Love you.
Molly says:
Oh, you have me in tears again. Best of luck today.
Marti from Michigan says:
Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind,
Memories, sweetened thru the ages just like wine.
Quiet thoughts come floating down
And settle softly to the ground,
Like golden autumn leaves around my feet.
I touched them and they burst apart with sweet memories,
Sweet memories.
Of holding hands and red bouquets,
And twilight trimmed in purple haze,
And laughing eyes and simple ways,
And quiet nights and gentle days with you.
Memories, pressed between the pages of my mind.
Memories, sweetened thru the ages just like wine,
Memories, memories, sweet memories.
MelissaG says:
I love you for these entries, I wish you abundant health and continuous healing for your heart and soul.
c lo says:
You know, I never lost a child, but I’ve lost a “someone”. There are a lot of things that make you feel a little odd and crazy after you lose someone you love, and that’s one of them……….the insanely intense memories of places you’ve been with that someone who’s gone. Thanks for writing this entry. It’s nice to be reminded that we’re all not alone in these bizarre ways grief strikes us.
.-= c lo´s last blog ..here’s a doozy =-.
mandie says:
good luck today. thinking of you.
.-= mandie´s last blog ..on being sick =-.
Cori says:
long time reader, never poster.
(((((Hugs)))))to you Heather, Mike and all of your family. Good Luck to you today.
Love Wins.
pillarr1 says:
I like that term “cautious excitement.” I guess it is the only way to take it all in. I was the same way with my second pregnancy after losing my other children. When everyone else was excited, I was barely showing any excitement. When I got my weekly ultrasound, I was barely able to smile. I bet all of the medical staff thought “what they hell is wrong with her?” When I made it to 37 weeks, I finally was able to breath, although my entire pregnancy was pure hell physically. When the doc told me he would induce at 39 weeks, I smiled. When I was prepping for a c-section (my labor did not progress, at all), I smiled. When the c-section got underway, I heard a scream. My husband was holding something in his hands. He showed Rachel to me. I remember saying “is she alive?” When she continued screaming, I laughed. And, only then, did I continue laughing. I laugh and smile every day I see her. And you will laugh and smile every day that you see your second child. The same way you laughed and smiled when you saw Maddie everyday. You will get there. I just know it.
anymommy says:
xoxoxo I hope the afternoon was spent peeking at your little one and smiling with (cautious) excitement.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..Dear Entire World: I’m Sorry =-.
Jennifer says:
Those hallways hold so many memories.
OMG–do you know boy or girl!?!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Sand Art and Love Shacks =-.
eliza says:
Looking forward to the next post… Talented writer is an understatement. Awesome. I so know about the fishtanks. I’ve spent more time hanging out looking at fish tanks with little people….
rachel cortest says:
What an incredibly beautiful entry into the journal of your life. Thank you for sharing and allowing others to understand the path that bereaved mothers must take. It is often the little things that break our hearts the most. Wishing you only happiness and sweet memories of the sweetest little baby girl, Rachel
Tara in The Fort says:
Always thinking of you… and looking forward to finding out what Binky is (whenever that time comes)! New memories and old memories will collide. Take it all in as it’s part of the healing process. Ask them for a different fishtank on the 4th floor so you can have some memories of that one, too, memories of appointments you went to for Binky filled with cautious and regular excitement.
.-= Tara in The Fort´s last blog ..My Kitchen Window. =-.
Sara @heartmychloe says:
gosh woman, you sure know how to write.
xoxo
.-= Sara @heartmychloe´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
mythoughtsonthat says:
Let’s hear it for cautious excitement!
Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..A Day For New Shoes =-.
Andrea says:
Go, Heather, go!
Alexandra says:
My God, but you’re such a fighter, Heather. You are much much stronger than you can see.
But, Wow.
maggie may says:
I came to your blog a while back, and then again, and now again, and this time I went and read many past entries, looked at many pictures of you, and Madeline. She’s so very bright eyed sweetgirlness. I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am you lost your girl. As the mother of a little girl….I know your heart. I know the love. And I’m so sorry. I liked the little pictures of your Binky and his/her nose like Madeline’s, as you said.
Al_Pal says:
OH goodness. *HUGS*
Glenda says:
soooo many memories! Sending you hugs! XX