Maddie was such a curious little girl. I remember one occasion when I was holding her in the NICU. She was on my lap facing me, but her eyes were focused on the nursing staff bustling behind me. And even though I know newborns can’t see well (especially preemies), but I could swear that she was studying those nurses.
As she grew older, her curiosity only increased. She wanted to SEE and TOUCH everything, especially if her mommy or daddy or grandparents or uncle or anyone else had it in their hands.
She always wanted the video camera. She knew that if she crawled over to whoever was filming her, that person would play back the video for her delight. But she had to make an attempt at the camera first.
Going for her Uncle Kyle…
if you can’t see the video above, click here.
…and going for me…
if you can’t see the video above, click here.
I loved it when she’d come for me. She crawled with such purpose. She was on a mission!
I miss that little determined face and that sweet voice so, so much.
Heather, my heart just goes out to you. She is so precious. I love that little pivot to hand grandma the book. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss someone you never met, but through you, I do.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..Unsupervised =-.
Heather, keep writing.. through the hard times .. Please keep sharing these memories.
.-= Chrissi´s last blog ..I have a thing for hearts.. =-.
Marti from Michigan says:
I couldn’t agree more….keep writing through the hard times.
Still wishing you a purple or lavendar butterfly, and dreams of your precious angel. Prayers continue.
she is such and amazing child (IS) and i hope (her sister) chloe learns from example. she already knows maddie, and loves to laugh with her.
i love that you continue to keep maddie alive for us. it means so so much.
.-= @heartmychloe´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Chrisie Ward says:
I bet she loved coming to you too! I hope she comes charging for you in your dreams really soon.
.-= Lindsey´s last blog ..I’m saddend by my inablity to help repopulate the world. =-.
Kate Thorp says:
Heather, I stumbled upon you in your darkest hour. I logged on the morning of (after?) Maddie’s passing and saw a reply on Twitter from Amy Clark. I clicked through and read the entire thread. I was so touched by your ability to share your feelings and truly felt touched by Maddie’s life (although never present).
I wish you and your family peace but most importantly the ability to love love love Maddie and to remember all the times shared. I also with all my heart wish you all happiness in the life you are now living with each other and the joy that tomorrow will bring. Thank you for being present and loving your family.
.-= Kate Thorp´s last blog ..Advertising Targeting Gone Wrong – Tragically Wrong =-.
catherine lucas says:
I swear I heard her say Bye Baby… And the second movie where she has that little jumper thing that she wore with the phone? Yes? Gosh, Maddie feels like a little neighbours kid…
Sour sweet Love. I think we all miss Maddie and I have wondered on several occasions how you can miss someone you have never met in person. I know that I have an immense desire to read more about her. Thanks Heather.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Squirl alert! =-.
Very, very sweet!!
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..A Girl and Her Horse =-.
What a sweet little explorer, I’m so glad that you have shared her amazing life with us all.My life is forever because of Maddie Moo. Living my life in purple!
*mwah* on that adorable little head of hers.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..In Honor of Finals Week… =-.
i love the part where she finds Goodnight Moon and clearly wants it to be read to her…so smart! i love the love in your voice, in kyle’s voice, and on your mom’s face…so beautiful! and i love her inquisitiveness…so confident! she inspires me every day!
One of the things I find remarkable about the pictures of Maddie is that she seems so very engaged in the world. Her eyes are bright and lively, but her whole demeanor is just animated by whatever she is doing at that moment. She doesn’t look passive or removed the way some babies and children do — you can tell she is living that moment with every cell in her body. It’s just beautiful.
Plus, she just exudes the love and adoration of those around her. I am so glad that Maddie lived her life at the center of so much love.
.-= J.´s last blog ..Many-Layered Squeaker & the Agreeable Pipsqueak =-.
…. and I bet you are right, she probably was studying those nurses. She was and is extraordinary!
It is so lovely you have all these beautiful memories of her. They are precious, and thanks so much for continuing to share them with us, your readers in all corners of the world.
She is absolute sweetness. I know how heavy your heart must be right now.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Is this what they call the new normal? =-.
What a beautiful movie (both, but I love the last one). Is that your mom in the background? Please tell her how sorry I am. Our mothers have a double loss-the loss of their precious grandchild, plus seeing their daughters’ in so much pain. My poor mom, your poor mom. It’s just so unfair and makes zero sense. Children are not supposed to die.
What precious memories of your Little Miss Curious also Little Miss Determined. Thank you so muh, Heather, for sharing these memories of Maddie with us, your readers, as another reader already pointed out, from all corners of the world. It is such a privilege to read about your precious Maddie. Again, your words are so moving and so meanigful, you really bring the reader into your world and the world of the gorgeous Maddie. Your love for your daughter shines through your posts. You are a wondergul Mum and Maddie was such lucky to have you, Mike, her Grandma, her Uncle Kyle and all your familiy members in her life.
The World Famous Madeline has today again brought a great big smile to my face. I think of her all the time.
Wishing you a peaceful week-end, dear Heather.
your stranger friend, Erica in Luxembourg
Thank you for sharing your precious memories. She’s so adorable.
.-= Christy´s last blog ..Summer Time and the Livin is Crazy Easy =-.
Thank you for sharing these videos… I agree with Erica, she definitely also seems very determined. What a sweet little girl, those videos always make me smile and even though it must be hard, I hope they do for you too.
.-= Ari´s last blog ..Coldplay and other goodies… =-.
Curiousness is my favorite trait in a child. Watching their faces in discovery is beyond exciting. Thanks for sharing!
.-= Susan´s last blog ..All Better =-.
Simply adorable, as always. I wish I had known her in real life!
Thank you so much for sharing more of Maddie with us- the videos are a joy to watch. Many prayers and much love to you, Mike and your families.
lisa wood says:
how quick she could move, a women on a mission and she still is. Her mission has just changed but is still continuing…to making sure we never ever forget her sweet smiling face.
Love how she headed straight for you and the love in her face.
Love you sweet Maddie, keep on smiling and loving your mummy and daddy
I miss her for you too…. Thank you for sharing the videos. I love it when babies/toddlers do that super fast crawling… it is very sweet.
I never get sick of seeing that darling face. Thank you for continuing to share her with us.
Maya just watched both videos with me and loved them as always
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Surviving the Summer Heat While Pregnant =-.
Good Morning Heather,
I found some pictures on your site I hadn’t seen before and I must admit, I cried. It’s so surreal to look at those pictures and see that little girl so full of life, joy and yellow (yellow =’s HAPPINESS and Everything and Anything that is GOOD!) and to know she’s gone in body.
I cannot understand your sorrow, grief or sense of loss. You three were like a puzzle…fit so tightly together b/c you belonged with each other.
OOhh Sweetheart, my heart aches for you and my soul cries in despair for your little girl, you and Mike.
I must say, although we have never met, I am proud of you and I admire your strength. You write almost every day and you add pictures and your video’ s which I can imagine is somewhat bitter/sweet.
I for one thank you for posting as much as you do b/c this stranger in the distance, who so innocently stubbled across your site one day has fallen totally in love with your Maddie and I miss her. I miss her every day but, I know my sadness isn’t even an ounce of yours. Just know this…I’d give her back to you if I could Heather. I’d give her back in an instant.
Thanks again for sharing – I love every video you send!
Thinking of you and wishing you continious strength and solace.
Your Stranger Frieind,
P.S. How is Mike doing now?
Yes, she is such a sweet, smart girl! She certainly has a look in her eye in every video and picture that she “knows” and “sees” what is going on. She was incredibly smart, and you have been blessed to have that precious angel in your life! Rejoice in all of the photos and video’s you have! I don’t mean that in a cold way, I mean that because so many that experience loss don’t have all of the video/photos that you do, I think it is amazing that you were able to capture so much! I feel like I know her all through your words, photos, and videos!! I miss her, I pray for you both always! Much love from a stranger friend!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..Sunny days! =-.
My heart is aching! Those are such beautiful memories of such a beautiful little girl! God Bless.
Courtney in New York
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up =-.
I love video Fridays. I have an almost three year old and she loves them too. We watch the ones you post on Friday over and over and over. I can only imagine how badly you must miss her.
And, I bet she COULD see those nurses. I always swore my babies could see better than the books said they could. I bet Maddie could too.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..Littlebit speaks? =-.
I read your blog every day and I am amazed by your strength. Maddie was like a shooting star, shining bright and beautiful, but passing all too quickly. I hope that your photos, videos and memories bring you some solace in your time of grief. Through your words, she will live on in the hearts and minds of others.
I love your Friday videos so much. My 2 year old Chase always comes and sits on my lap to watch. He calls her “pretty Ma-ee bebe”. She is so beautiful and has such a strong spirit.
.-= Ali´s last blog ..Panic! at home =-.
Allison Muhlbauer says:
Keep sharing these memories!! I love reading about your amazing Maddie!
.-= Allison Muhlbauer´s last blog ..8 months old already? =-.
I’m grateful that you have so many images and videos of your little beauty. I really need to remember to take more pictures and capture more of these very short and special moments.
So cute!! I love how she went for those cameras and how she says “bye baby.”
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Pretty in Peony =-.
It breaks my heart that you must write about Maddie in the past tense. Because I feel her life force even through this website, and it just doesn’t seem possible that she’s gone.
Thank you so much for sharing all of these memories of her.
.-= Cat´s last blog ..Amusement =-.
Heather – I love hearing and seeing more of Maddie – I hope that it is cathartic healing for you in some way, though I know you will never heal your broken heart nor miss her any less than you do right now.
heather – my heart aches for you every single day. as someone who never knew maddie, i miss her so much and i know that my sadness isn’t even an ounce of yours. i think of you every day and am wrapping you, always, in so many hugs.
I love Maddie videos.
I hope you will share them always.
.-= ali´s last blog ..TADA…we’re going to eat gas! =-.
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com says:
I’m sure she loved coming at you too. What a beautiful, well-loved girl =)
.-= Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com´s last blog ..Baby laundry. =-.
Love you, bitch. Every time I call you bitch, I initially type “butch.” I thought that was note-worthy.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..She Said I Can’t Take The Way He Sings, But I Love To Hear Him Talk =-.
The way you grammatically describe Maddie mimics your videos perfectly. Her presence is forever etched in all our brains. Thank you!
What adorable videos.
I think of that song, “A taste of honey is worse than none at all.”
What a taste of honey she was…
Thank you SO much for sharing all these wonderful memories..please dont stop anytime soon. My thoughts are with you everyday….much love!
Your daily memories are great to read. And I hope the are helping you as well.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..ppp #2 (Macaroni & Cheese) =-.
What a girl! I so wish I could have known her before I “met” her here, but so glad you are documenting her life so meticulously.
.-= Molly´s last blog ..Maddie =-.
Amy in Oregon says:
I can truthfully say that i’ve probably watched every video and seen every picture on your Flickr account but they MEAN so much more when you give the story behind it. I love the way you tell Maddie’s story.
laura in north carolina says:
like many, i found your blog from a bloggy friend of a bloggy friend of a bloggy friend during your darkest days. my daughter is a exactly month older than madeline. i am also a “sister”. my heart breaks for you and your family. your blog is such a tribute to madeline’s short but ever so sweet life.
thinking of you with lots of DG love,
laura in north carolina
.-= laura in north carolina´s last blog ..One Month From Today… =-.
She’s absolutely beautiful.
what a gorgeous short poem she was.
It is so kind of you to share her with everyone.
.-= ruth´s last blog ..quote =-.
I adore her, Heather. Keep sharing with us, please.
.-= Ginger´s last blog ..Effing Fabulous =-.
Thank you for sharing your memories and love of Madeline every day. I am a Mama myself to a 1 year old baby boy, and I check the site each morning, and each morning I find myself smiling at the computer screen, with tears in my eyes. Maddie is just such a radiant child. You are all on my mind frequently, in fact I couldn’t sleep last night at 2 am because I was thinking of you, my heart aching thinking of your loss and how enormously difficult it is for you and Mike to not have your beautiful baby girl in your arms. While I’m not religious in the sense that I belong to a church, I truly believe that there is more than just this life here on earth, and that you WILL hold and be with her again. As always, I am so so sorry for this pain you are experiencing.
I have re-drafted this post a half a dozen times because I feel like I say the same things everytime, but I want you to know that I read your blog everyday. And everyday I check back numerous times throughout the day to see if you have posted another adorable story of Maddie.
I am truly addicted to your baby girl. I would suggest starting a support group, but to to do that you have to give up your vices and she is one vice I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!!
I will continue to read this blog for as long as you write on it. We visitors are sooo blessed that you continue to share Maddie with us.
And seriously Heather, you need to write a book about her! People would line up to buy that book! Guaranteed!
You are always in my heart and my strength and love go out to you. God bless.
Love, Jenn in CA
I really love these videos of Maddie. She is such an angel. Soooo freakin cute. Thank you for sharing.
xo from CT,
.-= amanda´s last blog ..I’m here =-.
Erin B. says:
Oh, she just has such a way of reaching out and grabbing my heart. I adore these videos, Heather. Thank y ou so much for sharing them with us.
Hugs to you – I think of you and your family often.
Erin B. from VA
thanks for sharing the beautiful videos of Maddy. sending you hugs! have a good weekend! XO
Allison Speicher Pereur says:
You are in my thoughts.
lovely memories…so hard to believe we can’t just reach through the screen to kiss her cheeks.
.-= Lillian´s last blog ..sweet moments =-.
What wonderful memories….she is so precious.
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Photo’s and tornado’s =-.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel says:
I can’t imagine how much you must miss that little monkey girl. I miss her, and I’ve never met her…
.-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..The Excitement Is Overwhelming, aka Thanks For Coming Out =-.
Your Maddie is pure perfection, Heather!
.-= crystal´s last blog ..Suck It, NYC – Revisted =-.
Madeline was a very, very lucky child. So obviously loved by you, your husband, family friends, and strangers on the internet. How wonderful for her to have lived such a LOVED life… Tragically short but SUCH a beloved life
She is so beautiful.
I hope you know what an amazing mother you are. You can see the light in Maddie’s eyes when she looks at you, as well as how comfortable she is. It’s wonderful to watch.
Hope you and Mike are well (that seems so … stiff, or unfeeling, or forced – I just don’t know a better word for it. I know you can’t get to ‘great’ I just wish there was a way to ease some of the pain)
Thoughts are with you,
She melts my heart…she never needed to say a word all her amazing expressions say it all! You can just see the wheels turning in her head. Thanks so much for sharing all these great memories.
I love your stories, your pictures, your videos of your sweet Maddie. My family makes fun of me because I take so many pictures of my children but I would think you would agree there are never too many pictures, never too many memories.
.-= Shirley´s last blog ..It’s 10 pm Do You Know Where Your Children Are? =-.
Marybeth Maxwell says:
Heather, I found your blog by Karla at Untangling Knots just the day after Maddie passed. The courage and dignity you have shown through this blog is an inspiration.
As for Maddie, I fall in love with her little smile every time I see it. As the mother of 2 boys born at 28 weeks, now 15 years old, my heart aches with every word you write.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with us. We are all blessed to see her through your eyes.
her sweetness is just so amazing. Her eyes stay with me after I see pics or video. And goodnite moon
Hugs and support Heather, really, sending daily hugs and support to you and Mike.
.-= jana´s last blog ..Frolic on Friday =-.
How adorable she is and you’re right – she came with determination to grab that camera.
.-= preTzel´s last blog ..Day 21: Three Weeks And Counting… =-.
Heather please keep sharing these memories of Maddie =) They are wonderful and a joy to read.
Also, I am praying Maddie will come visit you in your dreams.
I just want to eat her up.. Soo sweet. Thank you for sharing your videos they are precious.
big ((hugs))) XOXOXOXOXOX
.-= Jodee´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
So sweet – beautiful, energetic – thanks for continuing to inspire and share this light with the world!
.-= Tweetplate´s last blog ..Tessanne Chin, Reggae Songstress =-.
What a beautiful little girl Maddie was. I have read your blogs for some time now and want to say how bright her eyes and smile will shine through.
If you ever get a chance listen to the song “HELD” by Natalie Grant. Maybe this song will give you some comfort. I know it did me.
Adorable video. Adorable, loved Maddie…. I love to watch the videos, even though they make me cry. ((hugs))
.-= Haley-O´s last blog ..What Was I Thinking? =-.
Heather, it can be said so many times.. this is amazing. You are an inspiration.
.-= rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..Wheelers, Princess and A Very Distraught Monkey =-.
cindy w says:
Nothing to add. Just, love you guys.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..looking for my party dress =-.
I began reading blog “on accident” months ago when I clicked on a link off of another blog. I check on you daily and just wanted to say hi and say how much I love your candor and although I cannot understand how you feel, I feel for you and I am in prayer for you and your husband. I do not believe there is any greater loss than that of a child and I love that you come to your blog open hearted sharing all of your raw feelings and emotions. You do not even realize who you may be helping.
Is it strange that I miss her and I never even met her? I’m just a stranger to you, but Maddie has touched me so… I get tears in my eyes when I see pictures of her and I smile and laugh, as if I knew her, when I hear her voice.
She is and always will be beautiful, Heather…
I have a 23 year old daughter who is terminally ill and the thing everyone keeps telling me is to enjoy every single day, make the most of each moment together. As I read about your life with Maddie, it is so obvious that is exactly what you did. Healthy or sick, you enjoyed every day of her short, precious life. May all of us mom’s learn that lesson.
.-= Sharon´s last blog .. =-.
kymberli q. says:
I cannot imagine your pain. Maddie was beautiful and such a love, I can tell. I hope it gets easier for you to bear. May God bless all of you.
My heart aches for you. That dear little face, those precious curls on the back of her head- it’s so very sad.
You have shared your heart and soul with us and I am humbled by your loss, your writing about Maddie and your photos and videos.
I continue to hold you in my heart every day.