The drive home sucked. Leaving without seeing Jackie made it real.

I felt sick the entire time. I tried to sleep but only grabbed a few minutes here and there. Annie said some hilarious things from the back seat, and twice I grabbed my phone to text the quotes to Jackie. Both times it knocked the wind out of me.

She’s gone. She’s really gone.

I’m sad. So, so sad. But if you ask me how I’m doing, I’ll tell you I’m fine, because if I say anymore, I don’t know what will come out. Probably just noise.

I don’t know what to write.

I need sleep. I need rest. I need to wake up.

I’m fine. I’m fine.

I’ll keep repeating it until it’s true.