We picked up Maddie’s urn today. Mike and I were brought to a small room on the second floor of the mortuary, and then left alone to wait for someone from “internment.” The door didn’t close. I could hear a mom trying to entertain her toddler in the hall. He kept saying, “mama, mama.” I remembered that Maddie never called me Mama. She had other words for me (Da Doo was her favorite), but I couldn’t wait to hear her sweet voice say “mama.”
A man brought in her urn swathed in a velvet bag. The man might have said something but I was too focused on staring at the fibers of the bag. He unwrapped her urn and showed us where her name was typed on the bottom. Madeline Alice Spohr.
Mike signed some paperwork and that was it. Mike picked up the urn, and we carried our baby out.
I sat in the backseat of my parents’ car, and Mike placed the urn on my lap. I was surprised by how light it was. I don’t know what I expected. It was hard, and cold. I wrapped my arms around it, and rested my face on top, and wept over my daughter.
The tiny body that grew inside me is gone. All we have left of her now are two small curls I cut from her right temple. They are not enough. I can’t hug two tendrils. I can’t put two locks of hair on my hip and have adventures.
The little girls from the apartment down the hall left purple Easter Peeps outside our door.
Maddie’s purple speckled urn is now on a table, surrounded with cards, pictures, and mementos. Maddie is home, but I am not comforted.
I want to close my eyes and rest, but I am afraid of what I see when I sleep. So I keep my eyes open so I can see her smiling face.
Lauren says:
There is grace and courage in each and every one of your words, Heather. You and Mike are in the hearts and thoughts of so many tonight and every night, and we are all remembering and celebrating your sweet girl and her life.
Lauren’s last blog post..He Can Read Me Any Old Thing He Wants
Caitlin says:
this is so heartbreaking :C
Please know that though we may not know you, we love you, and we love Maddie.
MIss MVK says:
Your courage is an inspiration to so many. Thank you for sharing your life and precious Maddie’s life with the world. We are all better for it. I wish you as much peace as your heart can bear.
Scott says:
HUGS, HUGS, HUGS. From both my wife and I.
As parents of a micro-preemie and all the tough days we’ve had, I can’t even fathom the pain you’re going through now.
We’re sending all our love to you and your husband.
Scott
Scott’s last blog post..pig-and-rooster-and-bull-web.jpg
Mettet says:
I am deeply saddened by your loss. I hope that you and Mike find comfort in Maddie’s memories that will forever live on in your hearts. You and Mike are incredibly loving parents who have been blessed with an angel. Your strength during this dark and difficult time is inspiring. Thank you for sharing Maddie with us. We celebrate her life with you and Mike. Our prayers and thoughts go out to you both.
Bridget Larsen says:
I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your story with everyone and helping us deal with everything we have and have not. Words cannot express the sorrow you are feeling but hope it will comfort you and that your wonderful memories of your darling dear wee Maddie will comfort you in time.
Hugs and love
Andrea's Sweet Life says:
Oh, Heather. There’s not a damn thing I can say that will bring you any comfort.
All I CAN say is that I love you. You’ve been an inspiration to me from the moment we met. If there was anything I could do to help you in even the slightest way, please know that I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Kimmie says:
The Flav and I are praying for you and Mike daily. You are so loved. Hugs.
Kimmie’s last blog post..Easter-Licious.
Danielle Mongold says:
Oh Heather and Mike I can not tell you how deeply saddened I am for the loss of your sunshine Maddie! Heather know that the images that you may see in your sleep may be more comforting than you know to dream of the beautful little girl that still lives around you.. You may not be able to hold her or hear her sweet laugh, but she is there. I know no words can really be a comfort to you at this time in your life but maybe someday it can take away some of the sting your heart is feeling. Take her blanket or something that has her smell and go to sleep I’m sure you were the best mommy and daddy to her while she was here on this earth, and now you grieve…. grieve for the little girl with the biggest smile, and bluest eyes, the sweetest personality it’s okay to grieve. There is something I read that there is a pressure after time for people to get over grieving. It said that people may not get over but they learn to deal with the loss. I pray that you and your husband can find comfort and know that their are people just like myself that don’t know you but we support you!!!!!
Bethany says:
There’s nothing I could say that wouldn’t be awkward, especially because you don’t know me. But I want you to know that I absolutely know you will see your daughter again someday. I have no doubt that your grandmothers are with her now watching over her until that day when you are reunited. I pray for your comfort.
Sarah says:
My heart aches and breaks for you. Maddie is so beautiful. I am so, so sorry. xxx
Jess in the Aloha says:
My heart just breaks for you guys. I can’t even imagine the depth of the pain that you are experiencing. I pray that the peace of Christ will reign in your lives. You are all in my prayers, and I know Maddie is in heaven. I am so so so sorry.
Hazel says:
Hello Heather and Mike,
I hope this reaches you. I just felt so strongly the need to reach out to you two. I am a mother of nine year old twins and they have been my world since the day that I found out I was pregnant! I am still amazed at the patience and strength that parenthood has taught me each and every day! It is truely a gift from the lord. It is as a parent that my heart goes out to you for your tremendous loss.
I stumbled upon your blog for the first time a couple of days ago. It was linked to a news story about little Maddie loving Matt Lauer! I immediately followed the link to your blog because…lets face it…. he is smokin hot so Maddie and I had a celebrity crush in common!
Although I had already knew that the tragedy had occured, I allowed myself to continue to read your blogs about her and your family. As I read each story, I became more and more invested emotionally in what had taken place. Your way with words is truely a gift and you have inspired me greatly!
I am deeply saddened by Maddie’s early departure to be with the Lord because I know you want her to be with you and Mike. You two are very strong people, and your stories have touched so many lives. I am so amazed to see the effect your blog had on the international web community! I know her short sweet life had a huge purpose. That purpose will continue to be fulfilled through your sharing of her life with your meticulously written records of her joy filled days! She was indeed a star sent from the heavens. Her light was so bright! It will not ever fade. I will always remember you and your precious shining star!
Jen says:
Maddie picked the best when she picked you to be her mom. I’m so very sorry I wish I knew what to say but I know there just aren’t the words. Holding you all in my thoughts and loving those blue eyes.
Jen’s last blog post..The end of time
Jamie says:
Heather & Mike,
It’s so hard to think of anything to say. I cannot conjure up any words of comfort. I have no idea what you are experiencing but I know, no amount of words will ever be enough. Still, tears continue to pour and my heart continues to break for your loss. I have never met you but I continue to pray for both you and Mike. I am so sorry!!
Maddie says:
Oh, bless you both and bless your darling Maddie too.
You need time to grieve, you need time to think about everything that has happened so you can attempt to make some sense of it; but you also need to know that it is so painful, because you loved her so, so much and she was such a little fighter. Nothing we say can ever help you and Mike get through these coming weeks, months or even years as you try and understand what happened. Nothing we can say will ease your pain. But I hope that you begin to learn soon that the love you both have for her will never go, and while the pain you are feeling weighs heavy on your heart, it is that love, just badly disguised, because you miss her. With every ounce of your being, you miss her.
Again, remember you are allowed to miss her, you are also allowed to shout from the roof tops that it is unfair. Goodness knows you need an anchor somewhere to stop you whirling around in your pain, grief and sadness. So try to use Maddie as that anchor, think about those curls, those wonderful eyelashes and that cheeky know-it-all grin. That you both chose to celebrate her life and what she brought to this world, is huge; what she brought to your lives and every life she touched is bigger than the life of so many people – including adults.
Be strong, for what little it helps – while you feel alone, there are so many people holding you in their prayers, in the light and generally rooting for you, all over the world. Your little pocket side-kick has had a massive impact, you should be justly proud.
Thinking of you, and lighting a candle every night to help you.
Much love, Maddie
Maddie’s last blog post..Jumping on the bandwagon
Catherine Lucas says:
sigh, sigh, sigh, little madeline, you were and are loved.
Catherine Lucas’s last blog post..
Jennifer Joyner says:
My heart goes out to you and your family. Your daughter is beautiful and it is clear that she couldn’t have had a better mother. Thank you for sharing her with the rest of us.
Sherri says:
I am so saddened by your loss. Your words are so heartbreaking, yet eloquent and beautiful at the same time. Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.
jen says:
I think of Maddie everyday..
I think of you and Mike everyday..
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
maya says:
there’s nothing that anyone can say that can make you feel better. you need to go through the process and just let others love you. I love you and will always be there to listen- through the bad and the good (that i gurantee is on the horizon)…
maya’s last blog post..on my way to LA.
Sarah says:
Words fail me, but know that you and Mike and Maddie are in my heart and thoughts, and prayers.
Sarah’s last blog post..@$*&%# Murphy!!!!
Anna Marie Hinnant says:
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. My heart is heavy these days for you. I think about Maddie constantly, and I think about you and Mike and I just want to hug you and make it better. You guys are loved – always remember that.
Anna Marie Hinnant’s last blog post..For Maddie
jen says:
sending hugs. and love. and peace. keep on mama.
jen’s last blog post..because this is the one that y’all voted for … i’m hitting publish. just like it is … well, kinda … the post titled … clarity.
Eileen says:
Heather- I am a nother mom who came across your blog in recent days as a result of all the outpouring of love that is ocuring in celebration of Maddie. Because I am just some random woman in Florida who you will certainly never meet, I almost did not post a message here. But I thought it important to….and here is why. After reading about your precious girl and watching your video tribute, I was affected in a way that I really cannot convey in words. But I can tell you that while I was washing dishes yesterday and my two year old twins were pulling at my legs to color with them, I stopped. I did not say give me a minute or hold on. With soapy hands, I got down right then and there and colored. And I cried the whole time. For your loss, for the beauty that was Maddie, for the pain I cannot imagine that you now carry in your heart. Sadly, so very sadly, Maddie is no longer with you. But I hope it gives you some light to know that she continues to do amazing things. She gave me that moment with my girls because she served to remind me that every moment is important.
We will wear purple today for her, for you, and for your family.
cheri says:
i am so sorry for your loss.
Erin says:
I have been so incredibly moved by your story. I know there’s nothing I or any of the other faceless folks out here in the interwebs can say to take this pain from you, but I wanted you to know that your story is not lost on us. We hear it. We are thinking on it. Hopefully all of the warm thoughts reflecting back to your family in this time of grief are providing some small semblance of comfort to all of you. Take care.
Erin’s last blog post..Taste of the Nation – tonighthttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
Shannon Kieta says:
Mile and Heather;
In all heaven and earth, to lose a child is unbearable. I cry everyday with you both. You have touched so many lives sharing. You may not see now, but Maddie had a precious life with priceless parents. She will be your guardian angel…forever. I have no doubt that someday you will be untied again with your little Maddie Moo. Until then, keepher spirit alive by staying strong and keeping together as her mommy and daddy. I pray for you each and every day. Shannon.
Jenni says:
Heather and Mike,
I live in Ohio and found your blog through another Mommy Blog. I have been mezmerized by you guys and Maddie. The way you write and express yourself touches me deeply. I am grieving with you, though I know we will never meet. Maddie was beautiful and smart and she will never be forgotten. I will continue to check in on you and just know that I will be praying for comfort and peace for the both of you.
Jenni
Kristen says:
There just aren’t any words. I’m so sorry.
Amy says:
Oh this is heartbreaking. Please know that we will always be here to support you. We’re not leaving…we are still with you and thinking of you constantly. Try to rest and perhaps, just maybe you two will meet in your dreams. Oh, such sweet dreams I hope for you…..
Yvonne says:
Oh Heather and Mike – there are no words. My heart aches for you. Keeping you in my thoughts
Vicky says:
For whatever reason we’ll probably never know in this lifetime, our loving Father said “Maddie, your time there is done. It’s time to come home to me.” The tiny painful shell broke open and her spirit flew into his arms. She is in a place with no more sorrow, no more pain, no more suffering and someday you will join her. They say time in heaven is different – like 60 years on earth is a few minutes in heaven. From Maddie’s perspective, it will only be a few minutes til her Mommy and Daddy are there with her.
I’m praying for your comfort in the knowledge of our future in our Lord and Christ Jesus.
Viva says:
Heather, you are not alone, and you will never be alone. I could tell you my story but it wouldn’t help either of us. But I want to tell you that I, too, waited to be called Mommy and then realized I didn’t need to be called anything because I was always there.
Yours is an agony that few of us share with each other. We don’t share it because our babies are too special, we know others can’t appreciate how special.
Our grief is common. Heather, make contact with other mothers. You will inspire each other.
Lucy says:
Heather, I’m touched that even as your world blurs and scatters, you manage to sound so eloquent and you capture these tender, heartbreaking moments so clearly. You possess a strength inside of you that shines brightly despite the gloom. That same light shone within Maddie and continues to shine even after she has left us.
We all continue to hold you close to our hearts. I’m so glad that you and Mike have each other to lean on and the love of family and friends to shore you up when things get to be too much.
Jean says:
I have been following your story and like everyone else, am devastated by your loss. You talk about being afraid to sleep – I can remember feeling that way during a particularly difficult time. Just a suggestion (and maybe you are already doing this) – ask your doctor for a good sleeping pill. You need to sleep. This is terrible enough without insomnia. You are in my prayers.
mrs.chicken says:
The sleeping is hard.
As is the day after.
Keeping you in my heart.
Dana says:
Heather, I just want to cry with you. That’s all that seems right. Maddie was so beautiful, inside and out, and such an wonderful little girl — I feel like I’ll never get over her passing so I cannot imagine what you’re going through. But your strength and courage is amazing. I’m sending you hugs from afar.
Dana’s last blog post..3 A.M. Insomnia
Joe @ IrrationalDad says:
Thank you for continuing to include us in your life. We think about you every day.
You and Mike will need each other more than ever now. Please remember to be patient with and strong for each other.
My wife watched your tribute video yesterday and said that our nine-month old absolutely fell for Maddie.
Megan says:
Oh Heather, as I type this through my tears and my heart breaks for you I am awed by your strength. I continue to keep you and Mike constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Jamie says:
Oh, Heather. Things just shouldn’t be this way. You shouldn’t have to do what you’ve had to do.
Jamie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Patti B. says:
I am so so sorry for all of your pain. It has got to be so unbearable. Nothing a parent should endure ever. It is so wrong. Your family is constantly in my head – your little sprite Maddie and you and Mike…try to be strong for each other but also be weak for yourselves. Thinking of you.
Suzanne says:
Heather,
I think I have watched her tribute video four times now. I don’t know why I keep watching it. I watch it at night, when everyone else has gone to bed…when I should be in bed too. I want to believe I am watching a child who still lives on with her beautiful parents, but I know this is not true. She has claimed a part of my heart and I am stunned by her ability to captivate us all — what a powerful act, to claim the hearts of so many people.
But it is not just Maddie’s pictures and videos — in which her outsized charms are evident — that pull me back. It is also the power of your words, your story, and of your character. Your voice resonates through the screen and it is as though I really know you and am your friend. And so I grieve with you and watch Maddie’s video every night before I go to bed.
I can understand why you don’t want to sleep. All I can say is that I will keep following your story as long as you keep telling it. I believe that you will journey through these dark months and someday, somehow, the sun will break through.
I want to help in any way that I can. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know — I’m at suzannewalsh2@hotmail.com. I know that, living on the other side of the country as I do, this is not a terribly feasible offer. But nonetheless. We’re not just fans of your wonderful writing. We are also distant friends, wanting to hold you up and help you forward. Take care of yourself, please Heather.
Karen MEG says:
Heather, I write this with a very heavy heart…there are so many of us thinking about you and Mike during these difficult times. This brought me to sobs.
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal part of yourselves and for the wonderful gift of Maddie.
Please do get some sleep; it will take time, but don’t you worry, her smiling face WILL come to you even after you close your eyes.
Karen MEG’s last blog post..Anniversary of the Great Egg Hunt
Sabrina in Philly says:
My heart hurts for you, Mike and Maddie… (((hugs)))
I read your blogs and just cry for your family….. The pain is endless when you lose something close to you, especially your child, we should not feel that kind of pain.
We are here if you need to just write about nothing…which to us is so much of something to us!
Even though we have never met, we are here to support you when you need to fall….
You and Mike are in our thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you will soon feel alittle bit better…just enough to get through the days, months, years…hell hours!!!
(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
Sabrina in Philly’s last blog post..Where is the Music Man when you need him??
Amy says:
Like everyone else has said time and time again… I am truly so sorry for your tragic loss. I popped a note in the mail to you and your husband yesterday. We do not know each other but I felt like I had to do something… even just a small note sent your way. My heart has broken for you both….
It is funny in a way… well, maybe not funny… I live in MA and it is just starting to feel like Spring around here. The purple crocuses in my garden just bloomed the other day. I couldn’t help but think of your sweet girl when I saw the tender purple buds pop up. So despite the fact that we do not know one another… please know that my family and I are thinking of you
Jennifer says:
Oh, Heather that must have been so hard. I am so sorry. Just try to take things day by day or even hour by hour if that’s how you can get through. We are all thinking of you and Mike–please let us know if there’s anything at all we can do to help.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Birthday Goose
Emily D says:
I pray you will see her sweet smiling face in your dreams too. My heart hurts for you and your husband.
Emily D’s last blog post..Video Time
Krystle says:
Dear Heather & Mike,
I just want to express my sincere well wishes for the two of you and the rest of your family and friends.
It’s hard to sit here and even think of a comment, because what you are feeling cannot be fully described with words.
I have a son, also born in 2007, and although each and every child deserves to live long, healthy lives, I do believe that each day angels are born to come and touch our lives. Some quicker than others. This is not to say there is a reason for everything, because there really is no possible reason for Maddie’s passing, but there was a reason for her presence in your lives and for you two being chosen as her Mom and Dad.
I know she is watching over you every moment of every day and is with you forever.
I wish you both all the love and happiness in the world, one day you will feel that again.
Take care,
Krystle.
Ontario, Canada.
Krystle’s last blog post..23
MBKimmy says:
I am still at a loss for words … however I want to thank you for continuing to update the blog – I am a worrier and I have been praying so so hard for you, Mike and the rest of your family … it makes pray time so much easier to know how you are doing and how things are going. I will continue to pray for you and for you to find comfort in all of this. Maddie has made a HUGE impact on so many people and so many lives.
MBKimmy’s last blog post..In honor of Madeline
Lisa of Lisa's Yarns says:
As others have said, I am at a loss for words. I am keeping you & your family in my prayers
Lisa of Lisa’s Yarns’s last blog post..Easter 2009 – Part I
Kristin says:
You three were the last thought I had before drifting to sleep last night and the first thought I had upon waking up this morning. Thank you for continuing to write on this blog–you have a world of people that are pulling for you–complete strangers sending you love and a modicum of comfort. Know that. And when I return home from work today I’ll tell my daughter about your beautiful Maddie.
Kim says:
I don’t even have words for you and your family to express how sad this makes me. Just know that my heart is breaking, right along with yours.
She’s a beautiful little girl.
sam {temptingmama} says:
I didn’t think my heart could break anymore… but it has…
Oh friend. I am so very very sorry.
sam {temptingmama}’s last blog post..Madeline, Remembered
Linda in Canada says:
Yes…this is the hard part. The funeral service is over. People around you are carrying on with their lives. You and Mike are having to re-define who you are. Life goes on (don’t you hate those words?).
One day at a time, Heather and Mike. One day at a time. That’s what is getting you through this.
Thank you for reaching out to others through your pain. I am so very touched.
Hugs, from a reader in Canada
Tina Hosko says:
Of Heather. So devastated for you. Sending love your way. I am so angry that this horrible horrible tragedy has happened. So angry and sad.
J. says:
I am so overwhelmingly sorry for your tragic loss.
Peace to you and yours in this horrible time.
Amazing Greis says:
Maddie is so lucky to have such loving & caring parents. I can not even begin to imagine your pain, but know that you are in my EVERYDAY thoughts & prayers.
I think of you, Mike & Maddie daily. Anytime I wear purple, every time I see someone else wearing purple, I see Maddie’s BIG beautiful eyes and that most AMAZING smile. Though I never met Maddie, she touched my heart FOREVER and for that I’m grateful.
Amazing Greis’s last blog post..Today an ANGEL was laid to rest…
Kelley says:
As many have said, there are so few words to describe how we, strangers, feel about what you are going through. It seems so wrong, so unfair, so completely unjust that your daughter is gone. I can’t even begin to fathom the depth of loss and emptiness you must feel. After coming to your site from Matt’s, I have slowly begun to read through your entire journey with Maddie. I’m amazed at the long battle it’s been, amused by your sense of humor, and astounded by the light that is Madeline Spohr. I have truly never seen another child so totally fascinating. What a gift you have in her brilliant life. And it was much, much too short. I am so sorry.
Kelley’s last blog post..Confronting the Mysteries
Heather B. says:
I want to say something profound but it all comes out like, “durrr”. This is by far one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve read. Of course it has all been awful and would tear even the coldest of hearts up inside but this one, about bringing your baby home. God.
I’m thinking of you all. All three of you and your family.
AMomTwoBoys says:
I love you.
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Remembering, Always
Blue Moon Mama says:
I am yet another stranger who reads and cries for your family, knowing that there is nothing anyone can do to ease an unfathomable heartache. I thank you for sharing the gift of your eloquence with us. I am thinking of you and your family, and I am thinking that purple will never look quite the same. Somehow, it seems richer because of Maddie.
christieo says:
God bless you. I send you every blessing and pray for you. Each day I read your words of strength with tears streaming down my face. I know you don’t know me, but I find myself thinking about you and baby Maddie from so far away all the time and my heart is just broken for you. Your strength is awe inspiring and I thank you for sharing each word and sharing little Maddie’s life. She lives on through you.
christieo’s last blog post..After the show
Corie in Indiana says:
Heather, I have never met you or Madeline or Mike, and yet I have cried for you several times in the past few days. As a mother, I can only imagine your pain. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you will forever have an angel by your side, and that her short life on Earth brought you incredible joy. Hold tight to that lock of hair and the memories and all that reminds you of Madeline. Keep this blog going, and continue to honor her. They all will help you begin to heal. In the meantime, know there are many, many people who are praying for you, for Mike and for Madeline — and for everyone touched by her. You are blessed to be her mama.
Corie in Indiana’s last blog post..A mess of emotions
Shauna says:
I’m just so sorry. I’ve been crying for days about your loss, and how damn unfair it all is. I’m sure there’s nothing anyone can say that will help at all, and certainly not a near stranger like me. But hopefully knowing that so many people are praying for you constantly, and sending you strength through any means they can, will help in even the tiniest way. And Maddie will never, ever be forgotten by any of us. She has affected me and my life in ways I can hardly comprehend. I’m wishing and praying with all my soul for strength, love, peace, and anything else that might bring you the sligthest portion of comfort.
Jill says:
I’ve been following your blog for a little while now but I’ve never posted a comment.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you. Praying for peace. For strength. For happiness. I pray that you don’t struggle and I pray that you can continue to grow stronger daily.
We are all here for you!
Danes says:
Oh H, with every fiber of my being I wish I could make this all go away for you. All I can tell you and Mike is that I love you and am there for you – always. My heart breaks every morning when I wake up and remember you are living a nightmare, and that little Moozer isn’t here. I love you both.
Just Jiff says:
I have been crying for your family for days now. I am so sad that this happened and I just have no words of wisdom for you.
It has made me go home after work everyday and hug my daughter tighter and spend even more time with her before she goes to sleep.
Madeline was so beautiful and you could feel her laughter even through the computer screen. May God Bless you and your family, Madeline, and everyone who she has touched (which has been MANY, I promise).
Just Jiff’s last blog post..Sleepy Snot.
D. says:
This is so heartbreaking. I cannot even imagine how you’re holding up. You are a brave, brave woman. For all it’s worth, just know that a complete stranger cried for your beautiful daughter today.
Susan A says:
Holy crap. That was the most heart wrenching thing that I have ever read. I am sending you chocolate, lots of chocolate…and lots and lots of HUGS.
Maddie will be in our hearts forever.
Shutter Bitch says:
I am crying with you.
Shutter Bitch’s last blog post..In Memory
christina says:
I am so sorry, I hope that you and Mike find comfort in the way she touched the world and with all the memories.
Megan {Velveteen Mind} says:
Oh, sweetheart.
Yesterday ended up being my Maddie day. After watching your tribute video, she was all I could think of. Or perhaps you were all I could think of. Every song made me cry. Every child made me tear up. It’s perplexing how you’ve touched everyone so deeply.
All my love to you and Mike. Every day.
Megan {Velveteen Mind}’s last blog post..Remember Maddie.
Bridget says:
I’ve been watching the cursor in this box blink for too long. No words are coming…
Love to you and Mike…
Bridget’s last blog post..Madeline Alice Spohr
3carnations says:
That post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss, and for your pain.
3carnations’s last blog post..Ducks go to church in a bathtub
Midwest Mommy says:
Oh Heather…..I think about her all the time and my heart is literally broken for you. I have been singing the songs in her tribute video all week, they will forever be linked to sweet Maddie.
Midwest Mommy’s last blog post..Friends
Jill says:
I have no words, but I feel compelled to comment. To let you know that there’s one more person out there sending you love and hugs and wishes for peace and comfort across the internet. You and Mike are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jill’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Spring has sprung!
Pgoodness says:
Oh, sweetie. I’m thinking of you and Mike and wishing you didn’t have to go through this. I know it is probably little comfort, but your little one has touched so many people and our hearts are all cracked and broken for your loss.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
I’m so deeply sorry. I’m praying for Maddie and for you and Mike. I have a little sister, a tiny preemie who my mom lost immediately, named Joanie. I’m walking in Nashville on Sunday for your Maddie, and also for my Joanie. We all wish we could do more. Love and hugs to you.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..Loreal Kerastase – You’re On Notice
Kris says:
I know that no amount of words will help but know that my heart breaks in a million little pieces for you & Mike and your families (and little Rigby too). Know that I’m sending hugs and comfort across the miles and wishing I could do more. So much love to the two of you. There are just not enough words……
Dawn says:
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that you have her with you.
Well no, that doesn’t sound right. Bc ….
Ah to hell with it. It all sucks.
Love you xoxoxo
Dawn’s last blog post..Small Maddie Bracelet 57
Jen says:
Oh Heather my heart just aches for you…I am just at a loss for what else to possibly say. I luff you to pieces.
Jen’s last blog post..Surviving Pregnancy
MLC's Mom says:
I have no words….I just want you to know that my thoughts are with you. Reading your posts makes my heart hurt & brings tears to my eyes. Your daughter is an angel….I’m not sure why God allows these things to happen. Good things will follow, they have to.
I am a mother or a 28 week-er…March Of Dimes is our family cause. I haven’t walked in a few years but I think this year I might to honor your baby girl and my miracle.
MLC’s Mom’s last blog post..I’m a survivor!
Lesha says:
I honestly can’t come up with anything to say other than I’m sorry.
So I’ll say it again.
I am so sorry.
From another stranger, you and Mike are held in my heart.
I found a purple beaded bracelet I bought years ago and have started wearing it daily for Maddie, and for you.
ali says:
Oh, Heather and Mike.
because, as usual, i have no words, i send HUGS to you both. i am thinking of you three all day. every day.
ali’s last blog post..the snugglebummer
Melody says:
I wish there was something I could say that would ease this pain, but I know there is not. Just please know you are in my prayers and I am thinking of you. ((((Hugs))))
Becca says:
Once again, I have no words. I just can’t even imagine… no parent should ever have to go through what you and Mike are going through. Once again, I send my hugs and prayers and know that Maddie is looking down at you both and smiling. I have cried and cried many times over Maddie and your family – people I don’t even know. May you one day be at peace.
Becca’s last blog post..menu plan monday (or thursday but who’s asking?)
Alaina says:
I sit here and just keep saying, ” I could not imagine. I could NOT imagine”. And then, I think of you and Mike. Having to actually live it.
I am so so so sorry. More than these fingers can type.
Alaina’s last blog post..Easy Oat Bread
Colleen says:
I have a 17 month old daughter I lovingly call my CookieMagee, my partner in crime, the love of my life, my heart outside my body. I weep with you, my heart is broken for you, I commend you for the grace and dignity you have shown by sharing with countless strangers your unfathomable grief. I can only pray that the memories you had with Maddie will help you both get through this time. The loss of a child has to be life’s greatest cruelty that nobody should have to endure. I wish your family peace and healing and please know that people all over the world are thinking of you.
With heartfelt thanks you’ve made me a better mommy and I hug my little girl a little tighter every chance I get.
Fondest regards,
Colleen
Kristin says:
I am sure you don’t want to keep hearing that we are sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Our prayers continue daily to help you through this grieving process.
Kristin’s last blog post..We Are All Connected
Deb says:
Sitting with you, from far away.
Apryl's Antics says:
I can’t say anything that hasn’t already been said and I know anything I do say that would be different wouldn’t help. Just know that your strength is inspiring to so many of us. I am changed for the better having been touched by your story. It’s a miniscule consolation to the tragedy of it all, but it is something significant in the grand scheme. I am certain the world is a better place today because of you and Mike and Maddie. Love to you all.
Amy says:
I was just starting to get annoyed with my kids, for getting Play-doh everywhere, when I read your post.
Thank you for giving me perspective.
I could only get about halfway through your video tribute without weeping. I can’t imagine having to live it.
It’s so clear that you two gave her several lifetimes worth of love in her short time on this earth. Her smile lit up the entire internet. I know it lit your lives, too. Try to focus on your happy memories. And get yourselves a grief counselor to help you weather this storm.
Sometimes I’m not sure if I believe in God and all that religious stuff, but I believe with all my heart that our spirits live on, and that we’ll all be together again someday.
Susan says:
Thoughts and prayers are with you during this extremely difficult time.
Susan
Over at “Raisin Toast”
http://raisintoast.typepad.com
Susan’s last blog post..Spring has Sprung ©
Insta-Mom says:
I have no words to give you, just my love. So, so much of my love.
Insta-Mom’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Kristin says:
I think of you so often. I cry for you daily. I just looked down and saw I was wearing purple, again. I talk about you, Mike and Maddie with my older kids. They love you all. So do I.
Kristin’s last blog post..Thinking
Kerri says:
I came here from Matt Logelin’s blog. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 17 month old son and I CANNOT even imagine what you are going through. It’s not fair. No parent should have to go through this. My heart is absolutely shattered reading your words. I want to help you, but how? I feel so powerless. Please know that I am praying for you and your family… I just don’t know what else to say, but didn’t think I should come here and say nothing. I send my love. Take care.
Kerri
Leighann says:
Your tragic loss puts the simple things we stress over in perspective. I cannot imagine your pain, but please know we are praying for you. I watched the video last night. What a precious little girl you were blessed with.
Heather says:
Heather and Mike,
Words don’t comfort…time doesn’t seem to heal either. Please know that you are surrounded by people who are lifting you up daily. Maddie changed lives…more than you know! xoxoxo
Heather’s last blog post..Sometimes, it’s better to say nothing at all…
serenity says:
Much love to you both.
xxx
serenity’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Sneakers. Memories.
badassdad05 says:
Like so many I can think of no words but that I am thinking of you and Mike and sending love your way.
badassdad05’s last blog post..elmo vs. the easter bunny
Jamaise says:
I wish you peace.
Jamaise’s last blog post..CLUB PENGUIN Review & GIVEAWAY!!!
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says:
Hugs to you, Heather…
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins’s last blog post..Absolutely Random
Lotus Carroll says:
purple speckles. I didn’t even know you could do that.
I have so many hugs for you.
Lotus Carroll’s last blog post..I am bowing my head for Madeline Alice Spohr.
Julie says:
I am a PPROM mother too, and I just wanted to say that my family is thinking of yours and your darling little girl. She is very much alive in all of our hearts, and we are praying for you all.
april billick says:
You don’t know me… but I am so moved by your story. My heart weeps for you because, as the mother of 2 small girls, I cannot simply imagine what you’re living through. You’ve been on my mind constantly this past week and I wish there was some small comfort I could give you. I contributed to March of Dimes in your sweet daughter’s name and I have found myself less angry at my daughters because I realize what a precious gift I have in them. I think a lot of parents feel that way after coming across your story. I wrote you a poem… it helped me to get my sadness/grief for your family out. I’m sending you all my love and all my sorrow. I’m so sorry.
Purple © april billick
My mother-heart aches today
Weeps for the other-mother miles away
I do not know her but I do not care
I’m full of sadness for what she now must bear
The one she carried is gone and lost
Ripped away too early, the river she’s crossed
It cannot carry her back to other-mother, so
other-mother must wait till it’s her turn to go
Reunited once more on that heavenly shore
Letting go of the sadness that she’s all this time bore
The light that was lost was not in vain
Because other-mother, we mother-hearts share your pain
And we hold our lights closer, remembering how
Lights aren’t eternal, flames must go out
Other-mother don’t cry, know you are loved
And your light waits for you, shining above.
Jenna says:
(((HUGS)))
Not a day has gone by that I am not thinking about all of you.
Jenna’s last blog post..Mom Wants to be Lazy!
jaelithe says:
I am thinking of you and your family. I promise not to forget Maddie’s smile.
jaelithe’s last blog post..Racist Comments in St. Louis Post-Dispatch Get National Attention
Sammanthia says:
I’m so incredibly sad for you. You’re in my thoughts and prayers daily and I just wish there was something I could do.
Much love to you both.
Sammanthia’s last blog post..Spin Cycle: I’m Not A Stalker. I’m *Devoted*.
Jenni says:
Heather and Mike,
When I lost my son at 5 months pregnant I thought my world was shattered forever. I cant even fathom the pain you are feeling. Your grace in the face of the tremendous loss is awe inspiring. I pray you see her smiling and laughing in your dreams forever. You, Mike, and Maddie are in my prayers.
Know that because of your story I hug my kids a little tighter.
Jenni’s last blog post..Gone Purple for Maddie.
Anna says:
Man, it just keeps coming doesn’t it. You know how in the last “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie, how they have to tip the boat over to get back to the real world? That’s what it feels like you guys have done for us. Tipped our boat over so that we could get to where we needed to be. To see the great things life is offering and appreciate what we have.
I know, sounds goofy right? I mean, who thinks of “Pirates of the Caribbean” at times like this.
Anna’s last blog post..Taking for granted
Stacey & Eric says:
My husband and I fell upon your blog and our hearts break for you. Your dear Maddie is so beautiful and will remain so forever.
Mama Bub says:
Again, I find myself without the words to adequately express how I feel. All I can say is that you and your family continue to be in my thoughts and I am so incredible sorry for your loss.
Chantele says:
Heather and Mike,
I am deeply humbled by the incredible courage you both have shown in the midst of your pain. Words can not express my saddness for the loss of Maddie. Nothing I can say can make it hurt any less, just now that we are here for you, surrounding you in love and prayers and grieving right by your side.
Chantele’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Sadye says:
I’ve never commented but I’ve been following your blog for sometime. I think about your family every day and beautiful Maddie has changed the fabric of more lives than you or Mike even know. Her reach is beyond what even I thought was possible. Thank you for sharing her with all of us, and now we will help you grieve and fight the good cause for this amazing little girl.
Mermanda says:
Each day, I pray your hearts heal a little–though mine just seems to break a little more for you and Mike every day.
Maddie, I wish I could have been one of the lucky few to have had the chance to scoop you up and kiss you. I will never forget your gorgeous blue eyes, beautiful curls, and of course your mommy is right. You were so much more than just good looks. Look at how you have touched people all over the world! You are now and have always been a sweet angel.
Mary@Holy Mackerel says:
I’m so so sorry. And I know words are nowhere near enough, and mean nothing.
I cannot even imagine what you must be going through.
I cried last night watching Maddie’s video. And then my kids both came up to me and kissed me good night, and I just cried that much more.
Again, I am so sorry.
Mary@Holy Mackerel’s last blog post..Our Haven, Of Broken Appliances, Hallowed Be The Repairman Dude
Shabnam says:
May the hole left in your heart forever be filled with sweet memories of your precious angel. Our hearts ache for you.
Shabnam’s last blog post..Go to your room, please.
Angie says:
I sit here, reading this, crying again, and I so want to comfort you, but I cannot. I felt the same way when I received my mother’s ashes in an urn, but it’s a little different than what you are going through.
God Bless you Heather.
Angie’s last blog post..Giveaway: Last Kiss by Luanne Rice
Katie @ Heart Gone Walking says:
There are no words which is why I hadn’t commented yet. But I’m so sorry for you and Mike. I have and will be praying for you.
Katie @ Heart Gone Walking’s last blog post..There I go, being random again
Sara Henderson says:
You are so amazing. You shared your beautiful sweet girl with us and I am forever changed. My keyboard is covered in tears for you and Mike. I was there on Tuesday and will be there for you in anyway you need. My husband went and downloaded that first song from the tribute video to Maddie. Prayers will continue for you guys. We love you.
Sara Henderson’s last blog post..Love to Give
TUWABVB says:
I’m so, so sorry that you are going through this. I know there are no words that will take away your pain, but I want you to know that your daughter enriched the lives of so many people – near and far, and for that I thank you.
TUWABVB’s last blog post..Reconnecting As a Family
Tami says:
Oh I am so sorry. This really make my heart ache and my stomach sick. I wish I could take the pain away. I really dont understand why God gives you some thing so special and then takes it away. It doesnt seem fair. My prayers are and thougths are with you and Mike.
Tara says:
There are no words significant enough to ease the heartbreak of your loss, but you and your family are in my continued prayers.
Tara’s last blog post..Tired
Jennyjinx says:
I remember bringing my son home the same way nearly 6 years ago. There is no greater pain, no comfort for that pain. And the strength you seem to have one minute just flits away in a heartbeat.
Someone up thread suggested connecting with other mothers who have felt the same kind of pain you’re feeling now and I second that suggestion. No one who has never lost a child can possibly know the anguish you’re feeling. They can’t understand how the smallest comment, though heartfelt, can shove a knife straight through your heart.
Maddie’s loss is so unfair and I’m sorry you had to experience that. I pray that you find lasting strength in the coming months so that when you remember your time with Maddie you no longer cry. That time will eventually come, I promise. But right now take the time to grieve and be sad and angry and all of those things you’re feeling. That’s why support groups are such a good thing. You can lash out and no one will blame you or be hurt. They will understand.
God bless you and Mike. God bless Maddie. Count me as just one more person praying for you all.
Christy says:
I’m so sorry Heather. I will always be here for you. Love you.
Sky says:
My heart hurts for you. I want to reach right through this computer to give you a hug. I know I have no comforting words, but know you are in my thoughts.
Sky’s last blog post..Mother’s Day Giveaway Week!
Debby says:
Your jouney is to a place that no parent should ever have to go.
There are no words to ease you pain.
Debby’s last blog post..Too Cute
Kay Martin says:
I am so very sorry for your pain. I wish I could do anything to take some of that pain away. I have been thinking of you and Mike constantly since April 7th and will be Marching for Maddie here in Houston on Sunday, April 26. It is all I know to do. It is not enough. I am praying for you daily. My heart aches for your loss.
tara says:
my heart aches for you. i am a stranger who has cried every day for maddie. she shined so brightly in her life – it’s just not fair that’s she’s not here. you and your husband are amazing, strong people. i am sending love, light and strength to you.
HeatherPride says:
Every day you are on my mind. I am praying for you and thinking of you constantly. I purchased my Maddie tee and I’ll be wearing it at my local March of Dimes walk on the 25th. I wish there was more that I could do for you.
HeatherPride’s last blog post..Every Blogger’s Dream
Heidi says:
I am so very sorry.
Nicole says:
As a total stranger who has never commented here, I feel compelled to do so now. I had discovered your blog only two days before Maddie passed, and I was hooked immediately. I sat here and read threw your archives and looked at your pictures. I was shocked and cried when I saw that she had passed. I bawled threw your tribute video and eulogy. My daughter was born 2 weeks after Maddie and also was a preemie who spent time in the NICU. I cannot fathom the pain that you and your husband are going threw. My heart hurts for you and I don’t even know you. I will keep you both in my prayers and I know that you will see that gorgeous girl again someday.
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting says:
*huge comforting hugs* I think of you and Mike everyday. I wish there was something I could do to help you, I really do.
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting’s last blog post..Garden Love
Emily in Michigan says:
I hate that anyone has to go through this. Sometimes things don’t seem fair or seem senseless but Maddie touched many and continues to do so. You have certainly touched my life in a profound way. You are in my thoughts.
Much love to you and your family.
Emily in Michigan’s last blog post..Easter Egg Hunt
Amy in OHio says:
Oh Heather my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry.
Katelyn says:
I can scarcely breathe after reading that post. My heart just aches for you and your beautiful daughter. I’ve poked through your blog a bit and I read all the hopes and dreams you had for her and it just breaks my heart. I can only imagine how incredibly painful it is for you and your husband. You are all in my thoughts and my heart. Peace to you.
Katelyn’s last blog post..I Do Not ?
karen says:
I am so so sorry
karen’s last blog post..The only thing I have to say
maggie, dammit says:
With you.
maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Purple for Maddie, devastation for Gorillabuns, love for the community
Alison says:
Sending love to you, Mike, your family, and of course Maddie. That is all we can do, and we will continue to do so.
Alison’s last blog post..November 11, 2007 – April 7, 2009
Amanda says:
This is my first time commenting (I found your story from MattLogelin). Stay strong, I am sending many hugs your way!
Amanda’s last blog post..countdown.
mama2addie says:
Heather & Mike,
Your story has touched me deeply. I constantly find myself thinking of you and your sweet Maddie! My heart hurts for you. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through, but please know that you and your Madeline are in my constant thoughts and prayers.
You are so strong, and I know that this tradgedy will be turned into something amazing. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store!
Maeve says:
Such a lovely, lovely, sparkly little twinkletoes. My heart just aches for you. She was a gift, and you loved her so well.
Karen says:
I know loss. Bitterly and well. I do not know anything close to this magnitude of loss though. I’m so so sorry.
Betsey says:
The day I picked up my son’s ashes, just felt so surreal.
Stay strong. I am so impressed with all the support that you are receiving. I hope it offers you some comfort in the strange days ahead.
I couldn’t imagine how different my experience would have been with this…
support.
For me? Having my son near me, near my bed at night has been a constant comfort.
Betsey’s last blog post..Hurry Up And Calm Down
pillarr1 says:
Heather and Mike,
You both are such strong people. I know the pain will never go away but it will lessen and you will be able to think about Maddie and smile and laugh again. When my triplets passed, we had their ashes put in two silver cross pendants to wear around our necks. My husband always wore his. I never wore mine. Not until over one year later. I just could not bring myself to think of them. I kept their clothes year after year. I put them in a clear tub and would look at them now and again. I did not talk about them and tried not to think about them. I am now about to think about them and the whole experience without falling apart.
I am glad that you remembering Maddie and thinking about her. Don’t be like I was trying to supress it all. It tore me apart.
Hugs and Kisses to you both.
Stephanie says:
Please know that many, many people are praying for you and your family. I can’t begin to imagine the grief and pain you’re feeling but my heart breaks for you every time I think of your beautiful daughter. You will stay in my prayers for many years to come.
Jenna Riggs says:
Oh Heather,
My heart breaks in a million pieces for the loss of your Maddie, and your and Mike’s pain. I never met any of you, but I will also never forget you. Maddie will forever be a bright light. Her life and death had meaning and purpose. Look how much love she inspired from so many.
Ashlee says:
You and Mike are beautiful people. That’s why your daughter is a beautiful person. I believe that 100%. You guys are amazing parents and any kid would be lucky to have you. I’m so honored to be able to know Maddie’s story. She will live forever through your words. God Bless you both during this time. I will continue to pray for you both. I know that we have a new little angel watching us all from heaven.
Ashlee’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Ms. Changes Pants While Driving says:
thank you so much for sharing her with us. i send you hugs and hugs and hugs, and wish you comfort and peace.
Sue says:
Mike and Heather,
I am so sorry. I can’t even begin to understand your loss, but know some of the heartache. I remember holding my little boy’s ashes and thinking how the weight of his life could be held in such a tiny box. We have a micro preemie, Maddie-Claire, who we’ve gone through so much with and at 16 months old, I can’t imagine losing her. I think of you every day and pray for you. Both of my girls wore purple on Tuesday in honor or your precious Maddie.
Sue’s last blog post..Pity Party Tuesday
Tiffany says:
I am so sorry.
Tiffany’s last blog post..So Much More from BlogHer
Amy says:
Heather,
My heart still goes out to you. But know that I am thinking about you. My thoughts and prayers are here for you.
Amy’s last blog post..NOW WHAT??
Meg says:
It is all so heartbreaking…I think about you all the time. Praying that you find the strength you need to live without your beautiful Maddie. May you feel God’s healing touch in your life sometime soon. Peace
Susanne Bach says:
Heather and Mike,
We are so sorry for your loss. Our miracle Emily was born 14 weeks early weighing only 1 lb 8oz. She is 2 years old now. We know a little what you and Maddie have been through in the NICU and it breaks our heart to think about you losing your beautiful wonderful Miracle-girl now – so very early in her life. I know that you were the best parents she could have wished for and she knew she was so very loved. Please remember: “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”
You are in our thoughts,
Susanne & Carsten Bach
Amy Stone says:
This is just something NO parent should ever have to do. If there were some way to bring Maddie back, I think this world would move mountains to bring her back into your arms. No matter what she called you, you will always be her mama.
Love and strength to you and Mike. Thank you for continuuing to share Maddie and yourselves with us all. I appreciate you and your courage to do so.
Amy in Oregon
Laura says:
My heart continues to break for you.
nanette says:
I’m so sorry, Heather and Mike. So very sorry for your loss.
nanette’s last blog post..Maddie’s memorial
Denise says:
Oh Heather I wish there was something I could do to help ease this time for you. Much love and healing.
Jodee says:
I am so sorry… I don’t even know you and I wish there was something I could do…. I read your post about bringing home Maddie and I just bawled… I hurt for you and I am so sorry. praying daily for you both….
Jodee’s last blog post..Pecans anyone?
Nothing But Bonfires says:
I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through, but I’m thinking of you constantly. I wish I knew you so that I could fly to LA and wrap my arms around you and do whatever you needed me to do.
Nothing But Bonfires’s last blog post..How To Lose Clients And Alienate People
Lisa says:
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. I know that must have been really hard for you and Mike. I don’t know what else to say other than you are in my thoughts and Maddie will never be forgotten.
Lisa’s last blog post..Remember Maddie Today
Kelly Burton says:
Praying, grieving, sending our hearts to you. Hugging my girls tighter. Sharing Maddie with those we see.
Kelly Burton’s last blog post..Another angel
cat says:
i am overwhelmed
Tina says:
Lots of Hugs…and tons of prayers for you and your little Angel….
a thorn among roses says:
with tears in my eyes, there are no appropriate words….
i have prayed so long for you from the tweets i have gotten. my prayers will continue…i promise.
a thorn among roses’s last blog post..my main man…
Brittany says:
I found your blog through Matt Logelin’s blog. I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Vixen says:
I can only hope that having her there with you will, in the future some time, give you some solace. I remember bringing Collin home, I couldn’t let go for some time either. But now, it does give us some solace to be able to go over the where he is and touch him and talk to him. I hope it will do the same for you someday.
Many hugs to you and Mike.
Vixen’s last blog post..WW ~ Easter Egg Hunt In Dresses By Grama (me!)
amanda says:
every time i try to type my words, they fail me. i know you don’t know me and my comments mean nothing, especially now, but i just feel like you need to know that i am here. praying. crying. and thinking of you and mike.
amanda’s last blog post..first signs of spring
Bon says:
almost four years ago, now, we left the hospital and drove home with my son’s urn on my lap. it was a four-hour drive, perhaps the strangest of my life. my whole heart in my hands, and, as you say, still not comforting.
i am so, so sorry.
chris says:
I cry and pray daily for your family. I wish there was something I could say to help.
chris’s last blog post..in the morning
Jennie says:
I was just introduced to your blog a few days ago and still my heart is breaking for you. There are tears all over my keyboard here at work with your last entry. I can’t image how devastated you are but just know that there are a lot of strangers, friends and family lifting you and Mike up. Your grace and strength are inspiring.
Jennie’s last blog post..Mount Everest
Meg says:
Peace. I hope that your moments of peace become longer each day.
I hope… so much.
“Sorry” is too small a word.
Peace be with you and with Mike.
Ameena says:
I’m a former SoCal girl- I found out what happened from Matt Logelins blog. My heart is so so so heavy for what happened and I am just so sorry
Cindy says:
Oh, Heather.
I am so very sorry for you and Mike. My heart is literally breaking for you. Your courage is remarkable. I hope that you can feel and draw some comfort from the love and support radiating from all of the friends and strangers who are keeping you and your family in our thoughts constantly. We will NEVER forget Maddie and her beautiful smiling face.
OrchidLover says:
Heather,
I don’t know you, and haven’t followed your blog, though I do remember stumbling upon it once from a link or a comment. I was brought here by Flotsam.
I am so, so sorry for your family. I guess everyone says that. Please know that some random woman in Maryland is touched by your writing, your life, and your daughter’s life, wishing you all the best on a daily basis. I have absolutely no advice or anything valuable to say to you as I have never (thank God) been in such a situation. I’m inspired by your strength.
Katherine
OrchidLover’s last blog post..Grossly neglected.
Kristi says:
I don’t know you or Mike nor did I know your little Maddie other than through your blog, but my heart just aches for you. I honestly cannot imagine anything more devastating than the loss of a child. I am so sorry for your loss.
Molly Giesen-Fields says:
Hi heather, i think you’re so brave for continuing to write about your feelings – you’re so talented and amazing. we think of you, Mike and Maddie every day (many times a day!) – xoxo molly &erik
Beth says:
Heather – we have been reading your blog for several months now after I found it searching for “tiny preemie girl”. I am the mother of toddler preemie twin girls – one of whom, Maddie, has always been incredibly tiny, like your Maddie Moo. I have always found strength in your postings about Maddie’s struggles, because our own Maddie has experienced similar ups and downs although I have never commented before. But I know I must comment now – I am so sorry for your loss, for the terrible times you and Mike must go through now. You are an amazingly strong woman to continue to post and you should know how your lives have touched our lives here in New York, and will continue to do so. All our love and thoughts to you and your family today, and for the future. Beth
Rosa says:
I am so deeply sorry for you loss. I know it has been said over and over. My heart truly hurts for you and I wish you could find peace. You are in my thoughts through this heartbreaking time. You were an amazing family to her, please know that.
Much love to you.
Maria Delgado says:
I am so very sorry. My prayers are always with you.
Debra Knapp says:
Please know your sweet baby will be remembered all over the world forever. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel but I know your arms ache for your little girl. You are all in my prayers and many others too. Thank you for sharing Maddie with the world. What a beautiful little girl.
Susan says:
Everyday you are in my prayers. This poem is a warm fleece for my soul.
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings
Susan’s last blog post..Confrontation and Me
DesignHER Momma says:
This is not something anyone (especially a young mother) should ever have to do – and here you are being called to do it. There is a ball of grief where my heart used to be.
Heather – I am so proud of you and thankful that you have allowed us as readers (and friends) to be a part of this through your writing. You are helping so many people – your reach you will never know.
I am broken for you. I am more human because of you.
I am proud to call you my friend. Much love and prayers –
Emily
DesignHER Momma’s last blog post..Purple for the day
Celi says:
You are in my thoughts and prayers. ((Hugs))
K8spade says:
There are no words anyone can say, least of all me. I only know you as a moniker through the SV Moms. All I can do is cry. You are so much stronger than I am, because you can do more. I will pray to my Mom-mom to find Maddie, to meet her and play with her along with your family. I’m sure she will be loved as much in her new home as she was here. She will not be alone while she waits for you. I send you the love of a stranger, and the strength of a mother.
~Kate
K8spade’s last blog post..What is it With Jam Bands? Or, My Night at the Allman Brothers Concert
Chris says:
I’m so sorry because of your loss. Your beautiful girl will always be remembered. I hope you will succeed in finding a peace deep in your soul. Hugs, Chris.
(another) karen says:
my heart breaks for you and your husband. i wish so much that there was something i, anyone, could say or do that would ease your pain. i know there isn’t, but please know, that both of you, and your beautiful little girl, are constantly in my thoughts.
(another) karen
amanda says:
I can’t imagine your pain. I continue to think of you and Mike all the time. I want you to know that Maddie has made such an impact worldwide – she has inspired me to be a better person, to be a better mother, to just be BETTER. And I have never met her, or you guys, but I hope the love you are getting from all over will help hold you up during this difficult time.
amanda’s last blog post..if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands
Mariel says:
As a mother, my heart grieves with you. I started reading your blog the beginning of this year and enjoyed Maddie’s pictures. My heart broke when I heard the news and everyday I think of her and I think of you and your husband. I have prayed for her and will continue to pray for her and for your strength.
Much Love,
Mariel
Valerie says:
I’ve been trying to find something eloquent or even remotely coherent to say to you and Mike as you deal with your extraordinary loss but the words still elude me. I am truly sorry for your loss and hope that you find comfort in the many people across the country who are thinking of you. Thank you for allowing us to meet and get to know Maddie for her far too short life. The courage that you’ve shown lately is remarkable. Beyond this, I honestly cannot think of anything else to say other than we’re all here for you and cheering you on.
Kelly says:
You don’t know me, but I feel like I know you because I read your blog and I wish like Hell that I can take this pain away from you and your hubby. I know there is nothing anyone can say to ease the pain, but I am hoping on hardest days ahead you can know that I have never seen a happier child in my life. I know if I knew my children were as half as happy as your Madeline than I know I have done a good job. You are amazing parents and whenever I think of Madeline, I will always remember her smiling and cracking up in her new buggy stroller. She was so happy she could not even contain it, and I have never seen a happier, more content baby in my life. Her life was way too short, but she lived every moment. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope you can take some comfort in all the love and well wishes that are coming to you from all over the world through your blog.
Coloradolady says:
I have wept over Maddies passing as if it were my own child or grandchild. I simply can not get her or your family off my mind. I pray….ask for peace….and hope the hurt passes.
Please know, we are hurting too, I am sure in a different way, but hurting none the less.
Maddie touched my life for sure….she is missed.
Coloradolady’s last blog post..Vintage Thingies Thursday: Vintage Vessels
Sadie says:
Madeline Alice is the most lovely name.
I”m hoping and praying for the day that sleep means real rest for you.
elismsue says:
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Wise words from a wise man.
Your strength, that gift that you have depended on numerous days and nights before Maddie became His angel, is still there. Find it, hold onto it and use it to steady yourself, to go forward in her memory, to help fight the fight for MOD.
Her life had a purpose, as does her death.
Something is going to happen, something is going to be found that will have significance; significance that can be attributed to Maddie.
Her life had a purpose, as does her death.
With love, hugs and wishes of tomorrow,
Sue
Janet says:
It will be a while from now, but I promise you, Heather, that someday you will be able to think of Maddie without the kind of pain you feel right now. There WILL come a day when you will be able to wake up without hoping that losing Maddie was just a bad dream. Until then, don’t ever feel like you have to stop grieving for the sake of those around you. It’s a process you have to go through. Lean on your friends and family and take one day at a time. We’re all here for you. Much love, Janet
Janet’s last blog post..Unfathomable
Karen Sugarpants says:
You are surrounded by love and we are all here for you. As odd as that seems, I do hope it brings you some comfort and brings you strength – both of you.
Love from Canada…xo
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..The Things I Wish I Could Say To You
Erin says:
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Even though I have never met you in real life, I think we are neighbors. (I am also a USC alum.) Can I bring you some dinner? Maybe wine? Maybe a CASE of wine? You’ve got my email now, and the offer is for real. If there’s ANYTHING I can do please let me know.
Your daughter was beautiful and inspiring, and oh so lucky to have you and Mike as her parents.
Dorene says:
There are no words to describe what I want to say. “I’m sorry” just doesn’t seem to be enough. But I am sorry, so very, very sorry.
Dorene’s last blog post..Digging out
Erin says:
I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot even describe how deeply saddened I am for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family during this difficult time.
Jennifer G. says:
I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. I had never seen your blog until today, which I have not been able to tear myself away from.
I have a 17 month old son, who was born 7 weeks early and just recovered from pneumonia. This really showed me how fast things can happen. Your daughter was such a beautiful lil’ girl. I know this is all hard for you. I will hold you in my prayers. God Bless.
Kira says:
My heart goes out to you.
Please know that even though Maddie’s life was short, it has touched so many. It has already done more good than you will probably ever know.
Thank you, her parents, for sharing her with us.
Kira in Jacksonville, FL
Colleen - a madison mom says:
Your strength at being able to share this is unbelievable to me. I can’t imagine how it helps… but just know that we all cry with you. There are just no words to express the unimaginable sorrow.
ExtraordinaryMommy - Danielle says:
Oh Heather – my heart aches for you. I seem to have a physical response to your words – my throat closes, tears fall and I feel as though someone has taken up residence on my chest.
I can’t imagine. I am sorry. So very sorry.
You and Mike are in my prayers. Sending as many hugs as I can.
ExtraordinaryMommy – Danielle’s last blog post..Channeling the Wicked Step Mother
pixen says:
Dear Heather and Mike,
I cried so much when I read about your sweet angel, Madeline. She’s in safe hands now and loved by people who knew her through your blog. Madeline is a shining star! She shines in our hearts and remembered with lots of love. The pain and lost you felt would be the pillar of your strength from Maddie. Both of you and sweet Maddie had thought me how precious life is. You woke me up and from today, now, I will be there for my son even when he distracted me from my daily chores. For that, I wanted to thank you both parents and Maddie, we love you.
With lots of love, hugs & prayers
pixen’s last blog post..Lemongrass Chicken
paige says:
Heather,
I found my way to your blog from Matt Logelin’s, who was a high school classmate. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful Maddie. My heart is hurting with you in this most impossible situation where life has been turned inside out and upside down and left you with a gaping hole in your heart. My baby Cayden died at two weeks, this past January, and picking up his ashes was devastating. I will always think of your Maddie when I think of all the other little ones who couldn’t stay in our arms, but who we will forever hold tightly in our hearts. Much love.
Michelle says:
I am so very sorry. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. I just found your blog through others and as another mother, I am truly sorry for your loss. I really can’t even imagine what it must be like. I sat at work and thought of you today and what you must be going through and I paused to say a prayer.
-Michelle
Keonte' says:
I’d like to find the perfect words of comfort, but really there aren’t any.
I’d like to say you’ll be fine in due time, but is there ever really a moment of complete acceptance.
I’d like to say I’d know how you all are feeling, but I have nothing to reference.
I’d like to say stay strong, but even I am weakened by the recent days.
All I can say is that I care. We care. The world cares. I am sure you can tell by all the outpouring of support from all over. Madeline’s life was clearly a vessel for her death to bring meaning to everyone’s life. Every story you leave for us to share only brings us closer to the one’s we love. And for this, Madeline has forever left her mark on the world.
Thank you Heather and Mike. You have given us a gift of unexpected eternity.
Much love ? ? ?
Keonte’’s last blog post..Chic & Cozyâ„¢ Blanket Bag Review and Giveaway
Dina says:
Dear Heather and Mike,
I am also a stranger, who happened upon a blog posting about Maddie and kept reading. I am so, so sorry for your loss. The tribute that you made for her was beautiful beyond words, it has been replaying in my mind over and over again. Your Maddie was indeed a beautiful girl full of spark. You have so much love to give, I hope that when you are ready, one day Maddie will, in spirit, be a big sister.
Sending you many healing thoughts.
Jayme Q. says:
I’m so sorry… I still just can’t believe this, and I don’t know how you’re getting through each day, other than because you have to. You’re an amazing inspiration to all of us, Heather. And I’m thinking of you and your sweet baby girl every day.
Elizabeth Keller says:
Wow. I was just thinking “Thank goodness baby is down for a nap! I need a break!” I swear, after reading this, I want to go wake him up and snuggle hard. Tears are streaming and my throat hurts. My stomach is in knots and I’m praying as I write this! I hope Maddie will be remembered for generations and I am so sorry for your loss.
Lissa says:
Heather and Mike,
I love you both so much and wish that I could take away all your pain. I am here for you and look forward to seeing you both soon and giving you each a big hug.
xo
Lissa
Kt says:
I am so sorry for your loss. I found your page through the grapevine of blogs and it breaks my heart. I cannot possibly find the right words to say, or say I can imagine what you’re feeling – I simply cannot imagine it. Life certainly doesn’t seem fair sometimes. I just have hope that time will heal those open wounds you and your husband have. Your daughter seems like such an amazing little girl – and it’s so sad that such a wonderful, bright, uplifting person has left this world. Thinking so much about you and your family.
Kt’s last blog post..Up to Date
Paula (MWLM) says:
Many hugs and prayers I am sending your way. Maddie was a beautiful little girl and will never be forgotten. I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for both of you.
Shash says:
I wish I had the power to take this all away and bring her back to you. My heart is aching for you guys. I love you both so very much.
We’re right beside you, for now and for always.
Shash’s last blog post..Thank You for 15
Kiersten says:
I just found your blog through Chris’ Notes From The Trenches and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Kiersten’s last blog post..In One Ear and…Stuck
Auds at Barking Mad says:
Much love and thoughts of comfort and peace.
I thought I might have other words…useful words, or somehow peaceful, especially having been through this with my own son, but I don’t. I have tears of empathy and thoughts of how I wish you didn’t have to be going through this.
Auds at Barking Mad’s last blog post..I Can’t Think of a Title Because My Brain is TooTired
SusieO says:
Thinking of you and praying for your strength. Much love to you, Heather, today and the days ahead.
SusieO’s last blog post..The Heavens are Very Lucky, Indeed
Stephanie says:
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I don’t know you or your family but found you through another’s blog. I’ve been thinking about you since I read of your dear Maddie’s passing. I went back through some of your archives and read of the good and not so good times. My heart aches for you and your family and your friends around the globe. With love and deepest sympathy, from Oklahoma.
Angela says:
… Yet another stranger compelled to hold you up during this unbearable loss. I am here for you to listen (read) and to remember Maddie, just as you have asked.
If and when you sleep, I wish you dreams of Maddie playing with those who have gone before her.
Sarah says:
I’m crying with you. I appreciate the fact that you can still share with us. I hope you can feel our love pouring out to you!
Sarah’s last blog post..It’s Never To Early
Angie says:
Oh how I wish there was something to say that could take away the pain. So I’ll just remind you that, even though we’ll never meet, your little girl has touched me. You sharing all of this is a gift to us all. We wore purple for Maddie on Tuesday and spoke of her as if you were our friends. Will continue to pray for you.
Joe says:
I have never read your blog before and just stumbled upon it. I am so so so incredibly sorry for your loss. As a father of little girls this is exceptionally heartbreaking. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers for a long time.
memphislis says:
I made a purple ribbon pin and I wear it every day.
Alexandra says:
My heart is breaking for you so much right now. God bless you, and provide a strong arm around you, and remind you that you will see your daughter again. And she will visit you in your dreams. I am sorry for all your pain. So deeply sorry.
tonya cinnamon says:
ive no words that i can say to make it all better.. but know we are here no matter what. maddie was loved then and she will always be loved.
hugs and love to you all
tonya cinnamon’s last blog post..In Remembrance Of Maddie..
Michele says:
I wish there was some comfort I could give. My tears can’t ease your pain. Your strength is amazing. Your daughter lives on through you and the many others that have been touched by the words you write about her.
Connie says:
((((HUGS))) I’m not sure what else to say other than I wish you weren’t going through this. Life sucks – it’s so unfair.
Connie
Connie’s last blog post..In Memory of Maddie – Make a Purchase to Benefit Her Family
Lisa says:
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please know that your daughters beautiful spirt has touched my heart.
Larissa says:
I don’t know your family, but I just wanted to tell you that my heart hurts for you and you family. I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through right now, I couldn’t even imagine. I hope your hurt gets better with time. You daughter was beautiful.
Larissa’s last blog post..I just want to dedicate a post to Lily
Leita says:
Many many hugs. My heart weeps for your pain. As I sit here in my office desk, my eyes are swollen with tears. I send you much love and peaceful energy.
Pam Brown says:
love and courage to you both. what an unimaginable loss.
Jennifer says:
I have been the most impatient mother lately. I have two little boys, 3 1/2 and one who is turning one on Monday. I have been telling my husband that I need to go back to work or lose my mind. I came across your website yesterday and felt like a changed mom today. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your daughter.Please know that your story has made me a better mommy to my little ones. Instead of cleaning today, I sat and watched them laugh and play. Instead of nagging I just embraced them and their boistrous voices. I pray for your peace and hope that your memories of your beautiful daughter bring you comfort. May God bless you and help guide you through your incredible loss. Your daughter must be a precious angel.
Nic says:
Thoughts of peace and comfort and sleep are with you.
Noelle says:
Dear Heather and Mike,
There are no words, only prayers for the comfort and courage you need to face the coming days. This was an incredibly touching and beautiful tribute to your precious daughter. We are all so awed by your grace and strength. I don’t know you, but now that I know of you and Maddie, I’m sure my life will never be the same.
Sara says:
I don’t know what to say. You are the epitome of strength and grace. I feel like I knew little Maddie… and you too. I’m heartbroken for you all and find myself teary thinking of your sweet little babe many times throughout my day. Your tribute to her was absolutely beautiful and all those pics reminded me too much of my own little girls (ages 4 and 6 mos). Thanks for sharing.
Dawn says:
Thank you for sharing. I’ve been checking your blog about 1,000 times a day (I’m probably responsible for it crashing!) because I can’t stop thinking about you and your family. I’ve followed your blog for awhile and love your stories and pictures of your beautiful, and smart, and funny and adorable daughter. She made me smile and laugh so many times.
I dressed my whole family in purple to show our love for Maddie.
I wish I could remember the exact verbiage of this quote I want to share. I googled it and came up empty handed. I heard it on the Oprah show, of all places, two days after my beloved Gram died and I think about it all the time – you’d think I could remember it properly. It goes something like “When someone you loves dies, you have an angel that you know”. My gram is an angel that I know.
Words can not even come close to expressing how sorry I am. You and your family are in my thoughts alot. Thank you for posting and sharing.
Mr Lady says:
Love to you, honey. Love to you both.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..You Know How On Lost, The Story Rambles On And On And You Just Want It To Be Over But You Keep Watching Because Stranded People Are Fascinating? Yep, Proceed…
jodifur says:
I am just so, so, so sorry. I know that is not enough. It will never be enough. But I am.
jodifur’s last blog post..I’m Doing That Annoying Blogger Thing Where I Update In Bullets
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com says:
This made me cry. Oh, Heather. I am so so sorry. I wish I could make things different.
Michelle says:
Madeline is beautiful . . . and I’m holding my own 2 (& my 22 week pregnancy) much much closer as I think of how impossible it must feel to go on with living without Madeline. Her joy is infectious . . . my 2 toddlers sat here smiling and giggling as they watched your video from my knee. Keep her joy in your heart . . . and you can go on!
Kellee says:
What can I say that hasn’t been said 100 times before? *hug* You are beautiful and brave and loved by soo many.
Maria says:
I wish I could hug you.
I am relieved to hear from you and from Mike. I crave your words right now, being so far away, feeling so helpless and wanting so badly to embrace you both and somehow FIX THIS. I know I can’t, so I cling to your words and hope that we can meet, because I would be honored just to shake your hand.
You are beautiful mother, Heather. You are a beautiful person.
All my love.
Midwest Mommy says:
I am so very very sorry for you loss, and though I don’t know you and I did not have the honor of meeting your sweet Maddie, I weep with you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Deidre says:
Having picked up two urns myself, my husbands and fathers, no matter how heavy or light the urn is, it is the finality of the funeral director placing in your hands. I was overcome by grief tremendously in both cases. I am a young widow, but nevertheless, my husband parents lost their child too,,,even though he was grown.
You all have showed such grace and dignity through this journey. What an incredible gift you have given to thousands of people, your daughter. Sending my love from Charleston, South Carolina.
anymommy says:
All my thoughts are with you. I wish I could lift you up. let you sleep, take it for a moment. Love.
anymommy’s last blog post..Raising Cain
Jan says:
You are so very brave- Peace.
Jan’s last blog post..A Birthday
Sareh says:
oh heather….i can’t say it enough: i’m so sorry for you and mike. you are so strong and have touched me in a way i can’t explain. i’m certain your maddie is at peace and watching over you. please know that i’m thinking of you and mike…
Sareh’s last blog post..A Mother’s Heartache
Jodi says:
My heart just breaks for you..I’m so very sorry
Jodi’s last blog post..Pay it Forward
Haley-O says:
You and your family are in my thoughts…. I hope it helps you to write this. Thank you for sharing yourself with us at this most difficult, tragic time. Much love….
Lauren says:
Heather and Mike,
I am just a stranger in Georgia who came across your blog through Matt Logelin’s blog. I have no words, other than I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. As a mother I can only imagine what you must be going through. I am writing to let you know that Maddie had an impact on me and the way I look at life. My son is 9 months old and Maddie’s story has reinforced that I need to celebrate every moment. I watched Maddie’s tribute video and read your memorial to her, you are both so very strong. I just wanted to let you know how Maddie has reached complete strangers and moved people to tears with you. I now look at the color purple differently, now, I see Madeline’s infectious smile and beautiful blue eyes.
I pray for you, Mike and Madeline. I hope that in time you find peace.
Ohmygoshi says:
Another stranger dropping in to say you and Mike are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for letting us in to grieve with you.
Ohmygoshi’s last blog post..No title, just sadness
Linds says:
just another stranger here, trying to find some words of comfort or encouragement –
reading your most recent posts, i am just so struck by how brave you are. writing so candidly is incredibly courageous.
stranger Monica says:
please know that you are your family are in my thoughts
Leigh says:
I just want you to know how much my heart aches for you and your family. I’ve been reading your blog and looking at the photos of beautiful Maddie. She was such a light! How very, very special she was. Please know so many are thinking of you and remembering what a sweet soul this little darling was.
Many hugs and wishes of comfort and peace
Leigh
KRistin says:
I sort of hate how people’s comments sometimes become indulgent and self-serving (though well intentioned). And yet, here I go. This may well be the grandaddy of indulgence.
I found your website last night at 9pm. Since reading of you two and your gorgeous Maddie, something has changed inside of me. I’ve sometimes felt that I walk around life with a film around me that prevents much from penetrating. I’ve got armor, as they say, and am not very easily rattled. I have always wondered if I don’t FEEL as much as other people FEEL, though you wouldn’t know that even if you knew me.
REading of your loss has changed that. I’ve thought of little other than your family for the past 24 hours. I’ve wept for Maddie and I’ve wept for you. I’ve marveled at your collective courage. I’ve dressed my daughter in purple and told her it was for a little girl named Maddie. I’ve wondered what the f this all means and wondered how the loss of complete strangers has affected me the way that it has: profoundly, totally, completely. I feel different.
I feel a lot less like bitching at my husband about something as embarassingly trivial as getting granite countertops. I actually don’t really care very much about the lady who cut me off. In fact, I feel incredibly embarassed for many of the things that I have focused emotional energy on for the past few months.
But mostly I feel grateful. Grateful for so many things, and like so many others, will hold my daughter tighter and try to be more present with her. I am grateful for your Maddie Moo, the gorgeous girl whose passing has made me FEEL GRIEF more genuinely and wholly than ever before. I am grateful to you both for sharing your story, your pain, and most of all, your Maddie.
I am forever changed by MAddie. I don’t know if I believe in God, or an afterlife, but somehow I just know that Maddie’s purple, sparkly light is still shining.
I’m sending you love from Atlanta,
Kristin
SANDY says:
I cried and cried, but although your heart is heavy she is in heaven watching over.
I truly believe in her short life she has taught many people and made many more smile, including myself and will continue to bring smiles and educate others. Thankyou for sharing your daughter with all of us.
Sparkette says:
Hi. I have found your page after Maddie passing. But I do want to tell you that your family is in our prayers. What a beautiful girl and how she has touched so many. I hope that you are able to find a peace so you may rest.
In Gods Love
Sparkette
Sparkette’s last blog post..Alphabitty – Letter H
ivette says:
heather and mike,
like many, i am a stranger to you but a friend of matt’s which is how i came across your loss. your little girl brought such love and delight into this world. we are the lucky ones to have known her or are now getting to know her through your words and images. maddie was lucky, too, in that she had such strong and spirited parents that lived each moment with her. the love your family generated is apparent even to the eye of a stranger. thank you for bringing the gift of maddie into this world. there are many great spirits who will be watching over her … your grandmothers (Heather), liz (maddy’s mommy) and the little angels my husband and i lost that never made it to this world. i will be thinking of you during this difficult time.
ivette
Susan says:
Thinking of you, thinking of how brave you are even though I’m sure you don’t feel that way now. Maddie’s beautiful life has touched so many and made such a huge impact. You are an amazing woman, and an amazing mother. I am praying for you and Mike hoping that you may in time find peace. Much Love, Susan
Susan’s last blog post..Long time coming
sista #2 says:
I am so sorry.
peace
#2
sista #2’s last blog post..Take Cover
Claire says:
A stranger, a world away, wishes there was something, some word or action, that could ease the pain of your terrible loss. Dark days, but the light of your love and joy in your daughter will never leave you, and no-one who has ever read about Maddie will ever forget your beautiful daughter.
Christina says:
I’m with you, Heather, even if it is from a distance. Words are failing me, but know that I’m sending you all my love.
Christina’s last blog post..Is It Monday Yet?
Gretchen says:
I discovered your site through Matt Logelin’s blog, and have been thinking about Maddie and your entire family constantly ever since. How completely heartbreaking..I cannot even begin to find words to explain how much your pictures & stories of Maddie have touched me and how devastated I am for you.
To say she was gorgeous is an understatement.. I hope your memories of her will help to ease the immense pain of losing her.
Liliana says:
Heather and Mike.
I just want to send you all of our support and love. Parenthood is a beautiful thing but not always easy and sometimes heart braking like now. Our story as parents started about 4 years ago. Trying to have a baby we ended up caught in the middle of miscarrying two babies and after 3 long years we were finally able to hold our first born baby. Our stories are different but I have been there coming home without even being able to hold my baby or to know is he or she would have look like mommy or daddy…what can I say? Maddie will always be with you, she’ll manage to bring smiles and joy through memories of the amazing life you had together.
As crazy as it can sound I have had so many struggles with my daughter. Health wise I can’t complain but she has been a very difficult baby, now toddler. She is my life and I promise to give her all the love that I wasn’t able to give to her siblings(if that make sense). Since I found out about your current situation, it has been a continuous remainder every time I struggle. You’re in my hearth and I’ll stay strong knowing that there is no room for complains when I have the biggest gift with me even if her favorite word is NO NO NO
You’re an inspiration to all of us. You gave Maddie the fullest and happiest life, and I wish you that you find peace in your hearths. We all know Maddie will be smiling down on you forever.
My love to you.
Liliana
(I hope I made sense. I still struggle with my English)
Amy H says:
I don’t know you but I really wish I could take away your pain.
Christine says:
There are no words that I can say that can properly express to you the deep love and support I feel for your family. Your family has inspired something in me I wasn’t aware was there. I can’t go 5 minutes without the beautiful image of your sweet angel running through my mind. I’ve never met you or your husband but all I want to do is hug you both and turn back time for you……only an angel like your Maddie could help people to discover the true good in this world and in themselves. My family is so grateful for that and will never forget her for that. Our family holds you so deep and close to our hearts.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
So terribly sorry.
I don’t know what more to say.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]’s last blog post..Purple for Maddie Spohr
b*babbler says:
My heart just breaks…
May your little Maddie be watching over you and keep you safe when you close your eyes.
Suzie a stranger from Iowa says:
Our heart breaks for you! Maddie is truly an angel! She has the most striking eyes I have ever seen! You both are wonderful parents and Maddie is having a little party in Heaven. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Maddie has touched so many.
Jennifer says:
There isn’t anything I can say right now that will bring you comfort, shoot you don’t even know me. I can tell you though that my heart is breaking for you, and I am bawling as I read your post. It is brutal honestly, and I wish there was some way to comfort your pain. I hope someday you can find comfort, and not hurt so much. My thoughts are with you!!
Jennifer’s last blog post..Disturbing dream
amy says:
I am so sorry for your huge and overwhelming loss. I have never met any of you but find myself mourning your daughter and praying (in my own way) for you all. Strangers a world away. You have all touched a lot of people and hope you understand and are comforted that a LOT of people are thinking about you both during this very, very sad time. Reach out and ask for help if you need it..
Me says:
It’s so unfair, no mother or father should have to live without their child.
I am just so sorry.
Me’s last blog post..The Shakeup
Anita Ovolina says:
Peace Heather and Mike. My prayers are with you.
Anita Ovolina’s last blog post..Me and the sexual predator
Miss Grace says:
Again, I’m sending you my love.
novelle360 says:
I’ve been a writer and an editor at different newspapers for years, and I can count on one hand the amount of times I’m at a loss for something to say.
This, however, is one of those times.
I guess I just hope some of these comments from strangers bring even an ounce of comfort. We’re all praying for you and your family in your time of need.
And I hope writing is as good an outlet for you as it has been for me in the past. I truly believe it can help sort out even the most difficult thoughts and emotions.
novelle360’s last blog post..Letter leftovers
Abby says:
I’m not even sure how I came across your story, but I have gone back and read every beautiful word written about sweet Maddie. I wish you peace and in that peace I hope you find happiness again.
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Abby
Jennifer says:
I seriously have no idea what to say here. I just read your blog and all I can do is cry. And I don’t do that. Ever. What a sweet little girl. What a beautiful sweet little girl.
I’m so sorry.
Thank you for sharing your story. Maddie will forever live in our hearts. She touched mine, that’s for sure.
Thank you.
Jennifer in Minnesota
won says:
I have a small online group of women who have lost children. I would like to extend an invitation for you to come by. Please email me at won2xx@gmail.com if you are interested. You can read, or share. Whatever you’re comfortable with.
Please know that in the meantime, there are plenty of days that all you will be able to do is breathe, in and out, deliberately. On days like that, that is all that will be required of you.
won’s last blog post..Effort
MB says:
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Madeline was such a beautiful & happy girl. You can just see the light in her. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I have a daughter the same age and recognize the same H&M, babygap & gymboree outfits in Madeline’s pictures. Your blog is a reminder to hug our children tighter and treasure every moment.
Frances Corkill, Idaho says:
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been following your story through mooshinindy and simply me. I was touched and wish that you would not have to had experienced this pain. Your daughter is very much happy as well in a wonderful place. After watching her tribute, reading what you wrote and seeing how much money that her joyous smile and bubbly personality has raised for March of Dimes, Maddie will never be forgotten. I don’t know you, but was in tears when I saw that video. You and Mike are in my prayers.
Frances Corkill, Idaho’s last blog post..2010 Seniors Enter!!!
Alison says:
I told my husband that if I could do anything, anything in the world, I would bring Maddie back. Just erase the past week and a half. I wish I could do that so badly. I love Maddie, and I love you and Mike. Thank you for sharing your sweet Maddie, I truly believe she changed the world for the better.
Christine says:
Oh Heather, I am so sorry. It feels so inadequate, but that’s all I have. Maddie will never be forgotten thank you for sharing her with us.
Christine’s last blog post..….
Brooke says:
close your eyes and rest Heather, you need to rest, take care of yourself and remember you have Mike, he will keep you safe while you sleep, and he will be there when you wake, just as you are for him, please take care of yourself……..Big hugs from Australia….
Alice says:
The Spohr Family is in my prayers. I am sick with grief in regards to your situation, I can’t begin to imagine what you are feeling. Maddie will always be remembered.
Cat says:
Just wanted to say that your daughter’s story has touched my life. Your family’s loss breaks my heart. I wish there was something I could say to lessen your pain, but I know there isn’t. So instead, I suppose I just wanted to say that you and your family are in my thoughts and that I hurt for you guys… even if we are strangers.
Mom Gone mad says:
Your are in our thoughts and prayers. I have been so touched by your story, your courage. I have wept over your daughter – a little girl I never saw or even really knew but whose story touched me so deeply. My heart breaks for you both. Stay strong!
Mom Gone mad’s last blog post..Remembering
Bec says:
My heart broke with each of your words. All my love.
Bec’s last blog post..For Maddie
Black Belt Mama says:
I don’t even know you but I am sending you giant hugs and wishing there was something I could do to ease your pain. Your family is in my prayers.
Black Belt Mama’s last blog post..Help a Girl Out
Heather says:
Heather and Mike…. I am so sorry. The words seem so useless as I am trying to type through tears and trying to comprehend something like this happening. It’s so unfair. Your Maddie has touched so many lives. She was absolutely gorgeous and the video shows what a wonderful personality she had. I pray that you two have strength and healing and that someday Maddie’s memory will bring smiles and laughter and not just tears.
Jesika says:
I just found your blog last night and could not stop reading it. Your Maddie was an exceptionally beautiful little angel and I have never seen eyes like hers. Your families hearts and souls are in my prayers.
Keri says:
Heather and Mike – you dont know me, but I felt compelled to write a comment so that you know how my family is thinking and praying for you. Saying much more than that feels insufficient, b/c I haven’t walked in your shoes and cannot say something that I feel would be comforting during this unimaginable time in your lives. Please know, however, that I am thinking of you and praying for peace, comfort, love and special memories. All my best
sam {temptingmama} says:
Just stopping by to send my love again. I haven’t stopped thinking about you Heather, Mike and Maddie. You’re all in my heart!
xoxoxoxoxox
Sam
kim says:
I am so sorry. My heart breaks for you. I can’t fathom how you must feel….I only knew Maddie through your blog, and I miss her terribly. I see her face everywhere, I hear her “wooooowwwww”, and I can’t get the song “daughter” out of my head, and I have twin boys.
I also wanted to let you know that Maddie has inspired me to go back to the nicu where my boys were cared for and give all of the nurses something special on their first birthday next month. I sent them something about a month after I came home, but it doesn’t seem adequate, and I want to honor sweet Maddie’s memory.
So, so sorry. Sending you love and strength.
//Casey says:
Just thinking of you and weeping for you. As with so many before me, wishing I could offer you the smallest of comforts.
You are doing all you can right now, and whatever it is you are doing is enough. Rest will come, but until then, we are all praying for you and wishing desperately that this wasn’t happening.
Your beautiful little girl has touched me so deeply and in this, I am not alone. All three of you are in my heart and thoughts every day.
Kelly says:
Heather,
I found your site the day you went in to the hospital with Maddie & your friend had posted for you. My heart has been breaking for you & your family ever since.
You are so open, so honest & it makes us all wish that we could enfold you & bring Maddie back.
I don’t have children… I can’t imagine losing one, but… your pain is so evident… that it sends chills up my spine to think that some one can go through this much pain & hurt & bear it.
I hope in the days to come some comfort can come to you, some sleep with dreams of happier days…
With all the love in my heart,
Your sister in Christ,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Tell me, this doesn’t break your heart..
The Grown Up Teenager says:
There are no words for someone who’s grief can grab you through computer screens and over international borders.
Just know that Maddie has also grabbed my heart and held on, and I’m thinking of you.
The Grown Up Teenager’s last blog post..Spotty much? Why yes.
thatgirlblogs says:
tears, overflowing, and filling an ocean. I hope you have peace someday very soon. so sorry.
Mindy says:
Mike and Heather- I am so very sorry for your loss. Maddie was a beautiful baby girl, inside and out. Please know that Maddie has had a profound impact on families everywhere. She has helped me to stop and spend more quality time with my little one each day–to cherish each moment that we have together because it truly is a gift. I pray that you find peace and comfort from one another during this deeply difficult time. <>
Mindy’s last blog post..Spring Break in PA!
monstergirlee says:
My heart aches for you and Mike, and the loss of your gorgeous baby girl. I’m making donation in Maddie’s name today to MoD. You are in my prayers.
jv says:
I am just another person crying with you.
Stacy says:
I only know your family through the blog…I’ve never commented. I hesitate to comment now. After all, what could I say that hasn’t already been said.
Maddie continues to change lives…to make people love a little deeper…forgive a little quicker…savor each moment. Her life mattered and the world is better for her having been in it.
I do not know the pain of losing a child…such loss is incomprehensible to me. However, I am praying that you will feel the peace and presence of the One who knows about such things.
Praying for you now…
Laura says:
I found you when Y posted the picture of your work at the food bank.
Another complete stranger brought to tears for your loss.
Jess says:
I found you through Amalah on the tragic day, and my life has been forever changed. I can’t stop coming here and looking through pictures and watching your video. I feel like I’m grieving for a family member, though I’ve never met you. My soul aches and I pray for you every night.
I’m the mother of two girls, one of whom is Maddie’s age and was also a preemie. Your daughter has forever changed the world for the better, and I for one will never ever forget her beautiful smile. I am a better person because of you. Because of Maddie. You’re in our hearts. I know we can never fully understand, but know that we share your tears. They are tears of profound grief, and tears of those who have been touched an event, a family, whose beauty is not of this world. Thank you. We love you.
Rachael says:
There is really nothing for me to say except that I am thinking of you, and you are in my heart every day.
Rachael’s last blog post..Normal is relative
cindy w says:
I don’t think there’s much I can say after 300+ comments that hasn’t already been covered, just that I’m sitting here crying for you and I’m so, so sorry.
You and Mike take care of yourselves and each other. We love you, and you’re in our prayers. Always.
cindy w’s last blog post..fill my eyes with that double vision
Lisa says:
I can’t get Maddie out of my head. She’s there, smiling in the recesses of my brain. I’ve never seen anymore who was more bright, more beautiful. I think that Maddie lived a more full life than I have (a credit to mom and dad!). And that’s the beauty of sharing your story. Maddie is still here. And she’s teaching all of us and she will continue to do so. Keep sharing your story and know that even though I’ve never met you, I was touched by Maddie’s life.
Lisa’s last blog post..Twenty Months
Erin says:
Heather,
We have never met- I’m actually a friend of Sara’s she met while living in Ohio. From the time Maddie was born, Sara and I followed your blog. I was amazed at the very beginning how your sense of humor was similar to my own and how very strong you were.
After hearing what happened to your dear Maddie, I couldn’t help but cry myself. My husband and I don’t have children (we have a dog, hence the blog…) but I could not imagine the pain you and your family are going through right now.
I haven’t stopped praying for you and I won’t stop praying for you. You are a beautiful person who created a beautiful life who touched so many, near and far. People you’ve never met (me) and people you’ll probably never met because they live in some far away country.
I googled your daughter the other day and was gobsmacked by the amount of people she touched. There are no words to describe what you are going through and I can’t even begin to understand your pain.
Please know that your family is loved. Maddie is loved. Your words are inspirational and Maddie will always live on through you and your husband. May God bless you all and your beautiful daughter. I believe she’s with angels smiling down on you.
Many of us have never met our guardian angel, not only did you get to meet yours, you got to create yours. How amazing.
Forever your friend (that you’ve never met!)
Erin in Ohio
Erin’s last blog post..Mom is volunteering! (another mom entry)
Tracie says:
Thank you for sharing your gift with the world. Maddie has made this world a better place. The three of you have made us better parents…more patient and more understanding of the precious gift of life that our children represent. I wish for you to heal one day at a time. My heart aches for you….
Amber says:
Heather and Mike, my heart breaks for you. We have never met and probably never will but I know that you love your little girl and she loves you. I know that you can be a family again and that she waits for you with people who love both you and her. Thankyou for sharing this darling angel with the world and for being wonderful examples of parents.
Midwest Mommy says:
I’m back again. I think about you, Mike and Maddie a lot. I have watched the dvd too many times. I don’t know if you are reading these but I just felt the need to come here today and tell you guys, you are on my mind a lot of the day. If I have to start stalking Hugh on a daily, hourly, or minutely (is that a word) basis we will get that 100K for Maddie.
Midwest Mommy’s last blog post..A Picture Story: The Doll
Lori says:
I do not know you or your family, but after reading your blog, I feel that I know you all so well. I absolutely fell in love with Maddie. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now so all I can say is that I am so sorry for your loss of such a beautiful being. My heart aches and I cannot stop thinking about you guys. Rest in Peace Beautiful Madeline Alice.
Dana says:
I am shocked at the immediate impact Maddie has made on me. I found your blog thru Matt Logelin and I was immediately drawn to Maddie. Her eyes and smile drew me in and it made my heart smile. I can’t ever imagine how you and your husband feel but I know that Maddie is peaceful and she will be lighting up the sky every morning for you From what I can tell, her personality is one that we can only hope and pray that our child develops and she has to be one of the most beautiful little girls I’ve ever seen. I’m praying for you to find some peace. I don’t think I will ever be able to forget Maddie and that makes me feel good..
Ashley says:
My heart is broken for you, just broken. I am so very sorry.
Rita says:
I learned of your loss through Matt Logelin’s blog and just watched the beautiful video tribute to your daughter. I have no idea the pain you and your family are feeling now, but wanted to at least let you know that you are in my thoughts are prayers.
Nicki says:
My cousin’s two-year-old son Trevor was born prematurely. My cousin is walking in the March Of Dimes tomorrow. I sent her a donation in honor of Maddie. (I would have donated it on your page but I thought it might be good to spread Maddie’s love around more!)
Nicki’s last blog post..Wind Sprinter!
Blessed says:
I cry every time I read about Maddie and I think about your loss. She was a beautiful girl and was blessed with awesome parents. I just want you to know that you are still in my prayers.
Jocasta Oliver says:
There are some things that are so wrong they just shouldn’t happen. I wish you strength to deal with this.
Jocasta Oliver’s last blog post..Wordful Wednesday
Tricia says:
Aww Heather sweetie…i hate this, this sucks. not very eloquent but it’s true. love to you all.
love always,
Tricia
connie daggett says:
My heart is breaking for you. I have cried more tears this last week than I EVER remember crying. All of my love, all of my prayers, even though you don’t know me. I know it would not be any comfort to me – if I were walking in your shoes – and I almost hesitate to say it, but the one thing that touches me so deeply is how much Maddie has done for the March of Dimes. I am ASTOUNDED at the support she alone has rallied to this cause.
I will pray that because of your unbelievably beautiful daughter, her perfect smile, her mischeviously sparkling eyes and the people around the world who loved her, no one else will have to endure what you have so generously and courageously shared with all of us.
Love, Hugs, and prayers for your comfort and peace.
Connie
amy says:
prayers to you as always and just keep writing it all down if you can- may yr words help you sort through this. May you find peace in the fact that we are all here
amy’s last blog post..It’s FRIDAY I’n in LOVE/Inspire Me Series #17
Summer says:
My heart aches for you, Mike and your families. I am yet another person that you do not know but Maddie has had a profound effect on me. Please know that a day has not gone by that I have not thought about (and cried for) your little Madeline.
Summer’s last blog post..Chocolate and Pebbles
Cam says:
Another stranger, this one on the other side of the planet, who has wept and sobbed for the three of you these past few days. There are no words. Much love to you, Heather and Mike.
Amy Garcia says:
As many have typed, I don’t know you, but your family has changed me for the better. I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you every day.
Judy says:
I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for the loss of such a beautiful child as your Maddie was. I did not start to read your story until after I had seen about it on Matt and Maddie’s site. I have now read your whole story and have been so touched. I have cried laughed and cried somemore. I wish that I could take your pain, but it can’t be done. I just pray for you and your family in this time of need. I will be praying for you each and everyday.
Leslie says:
I’m so sad for you, but don’t be scared to sleep. Maddie may come to you in your sleep. It sounds kinda new-ageish, but that absolutely happened to me after my 37 year old neighbor died from lung cancer. In my dream she was riding her bike slowly past my house and we talked…She was all better. She wasn’t sick at all. I am not a person that remembers dreams, so this was very strange. I hope that Maddie can come to you in your dreams.
Leslie says:
I’m so sad for you, but don’t be scared to sleep. Maddie may come to you in your sleep. It sounds kinda new-ageish, but that absolutely happened to me after my 37 year old neighbor died from lung cancer. In my dream she was riding her bike slowly past my house and we talked…She was all better. She wasn’t sick at all. I am not a person that remembers dreams, so this was very strange. I hope that Maddie can come to you in your dreams.
Krista says:
Hearts all over the world break for you. Your sweet Maddie is filling up the web with her sweet face and spirit. I sit here selfishly angry that my 2 y/o daughter struggles with autism and may never say mama or care for herself…and I am struck with just how selfish that is. I am sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Krista’s last blog post..Earth Day Finds For Every Day
Kellie says:
Heather, I wish you and your family peace.
Marie says:
I don’t know if you will ever read all of the words written on behalf of your little daughter. But I wanted to add mine to the rest.
Somewhere in reading your blog I read that you, Heather, had lost your job in October. I cannot find it right now, but immediately I thought that wow, you got to spend all that time with your daughter. It made me wonder about His plan! There was a reason and thank God that you had that extra time.
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. After my husband died someone told me that when I got tired enough I would sleep. And it did happen that way. I hope that it also works that way for you and you can rest. Blessings on your family now and forever. You have my deepest sympathy.
Your words are so lovely and brave, they touch my heart.
Hugs,
Marie
Shelley says:
I keep coming back. Wishing and hoping that when I do there will be an announcment that there was some horrible mistake and Maddie will be there smiling in a new picture. Instead, my heart crumbles just a little more and more tears slide down my cheeks. Your beautiful daughter will forever hold a piece of my heart. I’m sure in time when you dream of her she will be smiling just for you. Hugs and Prayers to you, Mike and both of your families.
Kim Hicks says:
Heather, my heart goes out to you and your family! May you find peace and comfort in knowing that your daughter is with the three most incredible women of your life. There isn’t much I can say to make a difference, but I will keep contributing to The March of Dimes, and I will pray you are able to have sweet dreams of your daughter, each and every night when you close your eyes.
Sarah M. says:
My heart breaks for you. I just started reading your blog so I hardly know you, but please know that I will never forget your Madeline. May God bless you, your family & your precious baby girl.
Kelly says:
I don’t know what to say, Heather and Mike.
I was directed to your site by the author of another blog I read.
I knew you lost your precious baby Maddie before I clicked on over.
I took one look at her picture on your main page, and I had to read your archives, from the beginning, before reading your latest posts.
It took me a couple of days, but I finished last night.
Tears…and more tears, later.
Maddie, I’m confident, made her mark. She was incredible, Heather, and I only know that by her larger than life personality, her strength to fight and you and Mike’s devotion to her.
She, you and Mike have touched my heart. And, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Melissa G says:
I weep with you. Your little girl is such a beautiful blessing…she has truly touched me and her way too short life will never be in vain.
MemeGRL says:
I will always think of Maddie when I see a purple balloon.
That face, that smile, that life.
Thank you for sharing your stories and her story through the pain. I can’t imagine having to grieve so publicly but you are doing so with incredible grace and generosity.
How blessed she was to have you both!
Laura says:
My heart and prayers go out to you. Your beautiful daughter stole my heart weeks ago with that beautiful smile and those intriguing eyes. Your words are beautiful and Maddie was so blessed to have you for her mother.
Flicka says:
Just crying with you. I can’t even imagine. Hugs.
Flicka’s last blog post..Parents/hacks
Mom24@4evermom says:
Heather, I am so sorry. It is so wrong. So very wrong. I hope that it helps, at least a bit, to know how surrounded by love and well wishes you and Mike are. I know you have a very long road ahead of you…one that you have no interest in making. I know Maddie will be with you every step of the way. She’ll forever have an impact on me.
TC says:
Your words cut me to the core. I am so anguished for your loss. Hugs and care from the internet.
May your memories hold you and Mike in their care.
Lorrie says:
Your heartbreak cuts me to my very core. I have a daughter named Madeleine. It’s the coolest name ever. I wish I could ease your pain even one small bit. Just know that I am praying for your whole family here in South Carolina.
Lorrie’s last blog post..What’s A Homosexual?
NIchole says:
I am so very sorry. We lost our son 15 months ago, after he died I became afraid of the dark and had to sleep with the TV on. I have been thinking about your family all day, and just wanted to tell you how sorry I am………..
Kate says:
I stared at the screen trying to come up with something comforting or clever, but I can only share my pain for your loss. And I am sure it comes nowhere near yours.
Kit says:
I’m so sorry for your loss. It isn’t fair.
sara says:
I am so sorry for your loss. Watching that video of your daughter just captivated me. Those eyes and that smile. What a beautiful little girl! You can tell just how much she was loved by you and how much she loved her parents. What a blessing to have a little girl like that in your life- even if it was for a short time. Your family is in my thoughts.
Julie R says:
I’m sorry is not enough but those words are all I have to offer. I just learned of your beautiful daughter this evening. I can almost not breath and read your recent posts at the same time as they bring back many memories of the loss of my nephew. My thoughts are with you.
Julie R’s last blog post..Playing Catch Up Photo Style
Sasha says:
I am so sorry for your loss. I did not know Maddie but I have cried over her every day, and I cannot stop. Her beauty stopped me in my tracks – it was truly otherworldly. I have truly never seen another child in my life who shone with such brilliance. May her star continue to light our world.
Jessica NIcol says:
http://www.adailyscoop.blogspot.com
When you are ready you may find comfort in this girls blog who has also lost a sweet little girl. She seems to muster up enough courage to get through her days. I think support is what you will need most from those that really relate. I will certainly be praying for you.
Jessica, again.
Dianne says:
I have been a lurker on your blog for a while, but I hadn’t been in for a while.
I am so shocked and saddened to hear of Maddie’s passing.
She was a beautiful little girl with an amazing smile and a beautiful spirit.
Her life may not have been long but it was very rich and full of love. And she WILL live on through your beautiful words and photos.
Sending love from Australia xo
Dianne’s last blog post..New Shoes!
mrslala says:
I cannot find words to express how my heart breaks for you and your family. I think of Maddie every single day and my soul aches. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could make it all better somehow.
mrslala’s last blog post..Laying Low
ms picket to you says:
i have watched from a distance and chime in now to say that for the first time this cynic believes there is a God with a plan. your Maddie could not be made without divine intervention, so there must be some divinity in her leaving.
i think i believe in angels now too.
let your hearts be buoyed by all those she has touched.
ms picket to you’s last blog post..I Sum Up The Week With Missy Higgins
habanerogal says:
I wish to add my condolences and admiration for you and Mike as your journey unfolds. I can’t wait to hear how things go with the March of Dimes. Your writing even at this difficult time is amazingly insprational.
habanerogal’s last blog post..Happy sweet 16 Suzie
Rebecca says:
Dear Heather,
My heart is truly with you. I remember bringing my baby son’s ashes home. All I felt was an aching hole. Your memories and time do go a little way to filling that hole, that’s my experience. I hope that can give you some hope.
Shannon says:
Dear Heather and Mike,
I’ve been following your blog since reading the adorable piece about Maddie’s infatuation with Matt Lauer. Her beauty, fantastic taste in men, and amazing survival story captivated my heart. After being on holiday for two weeks I was just absolutely shocked, horrified, and just utterly gutted to learn of Maddie’s passing. I’ve never met you or Maddie, but still my heart aches as though she was one of my own. Please accept my deepest sympathies. Your beautiful baby girl was truly one of a kind and a blessing to have on this earth for even those short 17 months.
Christy Burgess says:
To tell you that I am sorry for the loss of your sunny blue eyed girl is not enough. Your post takes me back to the day we picked up our daughter Hope’s ashes and urn and I strongly remember picking up that burgundy velvet bag. My heart was in a million pieces that day… it was almost 3 years ago. I know your heart is broken too. I am physically pained less and less with each day that passes. I am so grateful to God that He heals broken hearts and has been working so hard on mine. I know that He is working on yours. My deepest sympathies go to you and Mike.
Christy Burgess’s last blog post..Finally… It begins!!!
Jessica Marie says:
I want you to know that I shed tears and pray for you and Mike every night. Your story has touched my heart. You and your little Madeline will always have a special place in my heart.
Jessica Marie’s last blog post..rockstar_mama: home with my recovering baby girl. work later tonight.
Kelly says:
I wanted to add to my post above.
The day after I finished your archives, I went into work. We have ‘signature charitable events’ we sponsor. I had lost track of what event was coming up.
So, when I went I turned on my computer, the first thing I saw on our Intranet was “The March of Dimes”. Yes I had contributed to our events in the past, as much as I could. But now………this particular event means something different, something more…………and I will remind as many people as I can about just how much this organization does.
Once again, Maddie’s short life has touched so many (not including those fortunate enough to have met her and kissed her sweet cheeks) and made so many of us more aware.
Sarah says:
I just discovered your blog. You have a gorgeous little girl. She will be treasured in the hearts of so many. You have my deepest sympathies for your loss. I have said a prayer for you.
Texas says:
Many of us have discovered you only through requests for support due to your loss.
I will be at the Houston Walk for Maddie.
There is nothing I can say that will help, so I send prayers to you and your family.
Texas’s last blog post..First Impressions
Jennifer says:
As tears rolls down my cheeks from your sad words I just want to again tell you I am so so sorry for the pain you are going through.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Opus and the Red Chair a Great Children’s Book with a Great Cause (ACF)
Barb Ruff says:
Mike and Heather
I am Matt Logelin’s cousin (via his wife Liz). Through him I learned about you and your beautiful daughter. Please accept my deepest sympathy. I do not know what words to offer you. Perhaps the words of another mother who is also missing her daughter can provide some solace. Below is an excerpt from a website maintained by Jodi Hansen who, approx 2 yrs ago, lost her 7-yr-old daughter after a 5-yr battle with cancer. She is open with her emotions and eloquent in her words. Perhaps…perhaps…perhaps some comfort is here.
Barb Ruff
from http://www.caringbridge.org/mn/rachelhansen/
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 3:00 PM CDT
Today I met a little boy with the exact same birthday as Rachel. Same day, same year, just 10 hours younger. He was telling me about the birthday party he’s going to have next weekend. Yeah … that birthday party that I should be planning. But, there goes those “should be’s” again. And it shouldn’t be. It wasn’t meant to be. It’s never going to be. Therefore, it shouldn’t be. I just want it to be. For me. Yes, grief is such a selfish emotion. Yet, we must have it.
Should be’s, could be’s, would be’s … want it to be’s.
“But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 33:11
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proberbs 19:21
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
“Man’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.” Job 14:5
It all comes back to plans. My plans, or God’s plans? Some of those I don’t have a choice about. Our days are numbered. God has decreed for each of us the number of days we will live on this earth and nothing can change that. We choose how we live those days, but we don’t get to choose the day we leave. Nothing we do changes that. Nothing. Nothing we did or did not do would change Rachel’s death date being June 8, 2007. We could determine the quality of her life before that, but nothing we did or did not do changed that date. My plans were for her to live a long life … at least outlive me. Those were not God’s plans. Who prevailed? Who will always prevail?
We like to think we have control. We like to make plans and carry them out. It is all so trivial in the scope of things.
“Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.” Psalm 31:10
“Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.” Lamentations 3:32-33
“…they will mourn for him as one mourns for a child, and grieve bitterly for him as one grieves for a [child].” Zechariah 12:10b
It wasn’t going to be. God didn’t plan it to be. Therefore, it shouldn’t be. I wish God would’ve asked for my opinion …..
Specific Prayers:
~To continue to draw our family close as we celebrate the death and resurrection of His Son, and help us to try and celebrate Rachel’s life both here on earth and her everlasting one with Him–it’s very difficult to do.
wanda says:
Heather & Mike
What a beautiful girl! She blessed my heart to see. Thank you for sharing the tribute with the world. Such an angel!
Praying for your now broken hearts. Big hugs to you both!
wanda’s last blog post..25 Years!
Old Fart Grandma says:
I just recently learned of Mattie through Y’s blog. What a precious beautiful child and what an impact she has made on so many even though they didn’t know her. My love and prayers to you all.
shannon says:
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the heartbreak.
Michele Sere says:
Dear Heather & Mike:
Your courage and strength, always apparent but especially through this most horrific time…unwavering
Your loss…unimaginable
Your daughter…unforgettable
Madeline Alice’s impact on this world…undeniable
Across the country, in Staten Island, NY, my 2 year old son Luke and I are releasing purple balloons in Maddie’s memory. I don’t know you, but I feel I do through your writings, and my heart is broken for you. May you find peace in your memories.
Praying for you in Florida says:
Sending you many many prayers.
Lindsey says:
I feel so inadequate. I don’t know you, I am not a mother yet . . . I just don’t know how to offer you comfort. But I am sending love your way, and I thought you should know that. I am bundling up as much love and courage as I can muster, and wishing it to you and Mike.
Mariah says:
Your grace and courage is truly amazing. Thank you for sharing yourself and Maddie with the world. Love and prayers are coming to you and mike from everywhere
Mariah’s last blog post..Things better left unsaid
Alexandra says:
Heather + Mike,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your daughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Especially her eyes. I can’t believe she just…died. My neighbor’s daughter Serena Marlene died last year (of a viral infection combined with three months prematurity) unexpectedly, and I still don’t think the family’s recovered. I still get sad thinking about it. The loss of any child anywhere is an incalculable tragedy. I hope you two can go on to have more children, but none will ever be able to replace Maddie.
sirena says:
I’m so sorry that this happened. You and your daughter are in my prayers :-(.
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire says:
Heather & Mike- I just wanted to thank you for sharing Maddie with us. I always looked forward to seeing more bright & smiling photos of her in your flickr account. Recalling a twitter convo we had a while back about your elfish baby. I am thankful to have known Maddie through your posts & tweets. Many many hugs. Heather
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire’s last blog post..Celebrating the life of Maddie
freeryan says:
Hold on to each other and take your time.
Nina says:
I am sobbing as I read this. I don’t know what to say other than I am so sorry that she’s not here anymore with you. My heart hurts for yours and Mike’s.
Nina’s last blog post..And then she slept
Susan says:
Reading this took me back in time to July 1995, when I lost my only daughter. I have a tendril of her hair and the sleeper I brought her home in. It is not enough. It will never be enough. While it is true that time heals all wounds, some wounds are so large that all time can do is put a big bandaid over them. I ache for you. Try to take care of yourselves.
kris says:
my heart breaks for you all.
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
I wish there was more I could do than just send you love. Hundreds of thousands bits of love to you and yours.
Jenni says:
My husband and I, strangers to you, are wishing you nothing but love and peace. I think that your remarkable daughter will live on in the hearts of tens of thousands of people who wouldn’t have known her at all, had it not been for you and your blog. I know you cannot hold that, but maybe the energy of knowing that can wrap around you and help bring you some comfort.
Jenni’s last blog post..Hello, Caramel Custard. What Exactly Can You Do for Me?
B.Nicole says:
I cannot even begin to imagine how strong you and Mike have to be right now. I know it takes great strength not to go to bed and stay there. A thing that helped when my mom died years ago was sleeping with/using her pillow. I kept it even after it stopped smelling like her. It sounds silly, I know. But sometimes silly is what you need.
B.Nicole’s last blog post..BSing about my BS, the GRE, and UTK
Kerri Anne says:
Sending you so much love right now. Your little girl was so beautiful. She will always be so beautiful.
QCMAMA says:
I read your blog for the first time last week. All I have been able to think about this last week is your gorgeous baby girl. I can not begin to imagine the pain and heartache you and your husband must be feeling. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know nothing I can say will take that ache away.
I wanted to tell you that today I went to the store to get some sunglasses for my son, at the register I was asked if I wanted to donate a dollar to the March of Dimes. I always say yes, but money was kindof tight so I said no. As soon as I did all I could think about was your family, your beautiful baby girl, how your heart must be aching and how much the March of Dimes helped your family. So I told the cashier to ring me up. I donated the whole dollar, almost in tears for I was going to be so stingy. They were out of the little cards to write on, but if I had the chance I would have written “For Madeline” I did it for her, for your family. And I hope that my donation will help other families in need as they helped you in yours.
Again I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
QCMAMA’s last blog post..Friday’s Grill
MotherofBun says:
Words cannot express the hurt I feel for you. I am so sorry. Wish I could take this hurt away. Have been thinking of you all a great deal.
crustyMom says:
I am so heartbroken for you. I don’t know you by face, but as a mom I have to tell you I feel connected to you because of grief. I am so sorry about Maddie.
so sorry.
Wish I knew what to say.
crustyMom’s last blog post..LTHW
Nichol says:
Heather and Mike,
You are both very strong individuals! I don’t have any words to say other than how much my heart aches for you. Thinking of you all morning, noon and night. Stay strong I am walking for sweet baby Maddie in a few days. I will make sure everyone here knows what a beautiful little girl Maddie is. So sorry
Nichol’s last blog post..Kid’s select shoes only $9.49 Today only
memphislis says:
I keep logging on expecting to see new Maddie pics and stories. I know I can’ t begin to feel what you feel, but the loss is agonizing for all your readers.
Leslie says:
Oh Heather,
I am so so so sorry. I have been there, the urn and all. It is beyond words. The pain will lighten, but your Maddie will never fade.
Leslie
Mommy to Rian James 11/30/02 to 12/1/02
and the fabulous Izzy-Bee (China – age 5)
Kari says:
I am so deeply, deeply sorry. Thinking of you and your family and sending hugs and prayers your way.
Andrea says:
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom last year, 4 months after my son was born, but I can’t imagine your loss. But I do understand when you said you can’t understand that this is your daughter. I kept saying that I just couldn’t wrap my brain around what had happened to my mom. I think it’s our body’s way of protecting us from ourselves. Beautiful words you wrote about your daughter. She sounds like she was quite a fire cracker.
Christy says:
I started following you on Twitter a few days before you went into the hospital. I have a daughter that was born the same month as Maddie and I hung on every word you wrote.
You and your family are on my mind when I wake up in the morning, every time I see the color purple, and when I go to sleep at night. As a mother, I cry a thousand tears for you daily in hopes that somehow your pain will be eased as you make it through another day without her.
Drea says:
Don’t be afraid to sleep. Her beautiful smiling face is waiting for you in your dreams too.
She’ll always be in your heart, whether you’re eyes are open or not. Take care of yourselves and each other for her. She would always want the best for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Words are inadequate.
Sarah says:
Oh, Heather… My heart is with you guys. Y’all are in my thoughts.
Sarah’s last blog post..Thursday Ten – Up To Tempo Edition
Mishelle says:
This just broke my heart all over again. I have no words. Only loving thoughts for you and Mike while you heal. Only thoughts of Maddie as she watches over you from heaven.
Mishelle’s last blog post..Bad Week Good Friday
Jessica says:
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Through reading your blog it is obvious that though your daughter’s life was short she was a true blessing and will live on in the hearts of people all over the world. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Raging Dad says:
Oh my. Wiping tears, and tried to read this to my wife. Gave up. Been thinking of you both a lot this week. Just another of the bazillion strangers who are aching for you. Josh
Raging Dad’s last blog post..WW: Why the space bar is important
Stacie says:
Heather and Mike,
Like all the other above me I am so sorry for yor loss. When things like this happen we as “rational” humans look for a reason to explain why things happen the way they do. I do not pretend to understand I can only say I have empathy for you greatly.
You allowed us all into your lives and we are eternally greatful. I keep typing and deleting as I want to have these profound words of wisdom but I don’t.
All I can say is forget day by day go minute by minute and once you got that down hour by hour…….. It is ok to be cry, to be sad, to be effed off at the universe you need this but above all else just breathe
Cindy B says:
I am so sorry for your loss. It seems like it was too quick – – I am sorry you didn’t have more time to say goodbye.
Be good to yourselves.
Denise says:
im so sorry for you loss…
Denise’s last blog post..[057] lots of pick ups
Davina says:
I’m another internet stranger who linked to your blog through Matt Logelin. My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m walking in the March of Dimes this Saturday and will be thinking of your precious daughter.
Mom101 says:
You are just so brave and strong and eloquent and amazing. This is all so crushing and you are handling it with grace beyond what could be expected. You and Maddie’s incredible spirit are strongly in my thoughts right now.
Mom101’s last blog post..Weekend mother
Dana Zap says:
Heather & Mike…
I know that you may worry that people won’t remember Maddie but that is impossible…I will never be able to look at the color purple again and not think of your Maddie…I will never be able to hear the name Maddie and not think of “your Maddie”…I will always donate to the March of Dimes now in honor of “your Maddie”… She will live on by the tremendous impact she has made on millions of people. Thinking of you guys..
Liz says:
I have no way to express how sorry I am for your loss.
Liz’s last blog post..The Green Monster
Dana Zap says:
In addition…I will keep my daughters web page purple all month in honor of Maddie.. We are honored to do this…
Dana Zap’s last blog post..Sun, Apr 5, 2009
jazmin says:
I stumbled across your blog and read through most of it, wanting to know more about your Maddie, and even through pictures and video it is clear that she was a brilliant light of a little girl. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling at the loss of such a treasure. I can only say that, even now, she is reaching out to strangers with her beauty, her smile, and all of the joy and love that you and your husband have given her. Thank you for sharing your Maddie. I am praying for you and your family.
Kim Croffoot-Suede says:
Hello, I don’t know if you are reading all these comments. My heart aches. I also suffered the sudden death of my 18 month-old daughter, over three years ago. I also have a small envelope with soft curls. She died from a sudden invasive bacterial infection, and I have so much empathy for you. You have so many people wishing you strength and peace, and you don’t know me personally. But I extend my hand – if you want to talk to someone who went through something very similar, someone just a few years down the road of loss and grief, email and I will respond. Know that you and your husband are in our thoughts.
LiteralDan says:
I’m glad you’re able to process all this tragedy well enough to write it out so eloquently. That has to help in the long run. You two are an inspiration.
LiteralDan’s last blog post..An Easter feast: A story in pictures. And some words.
rachel-asouthernfairytale says:
Awww punkin’
Heather. Love.
rachel-asouthernfairytale’s last blog post..Plastic Carrots, Purple Toes and Blue Skies
Sue @ My Party of 6 says:
I wish I could say something profound or helpful, but no words will come. (((HUG)))
Sue @ My Party of 6’s last blog post..Like Mother, Like Son
Krissa - a reader in Berlin says:
Dear Heather, Mike and Rigby,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful Maddie will always be remembered with love even by those who are total strangers to your family. May she rest in peace and may you find peace and comfort in each other and the love that bonds you now and always. My condolences to all your family and friends, too. I will remember you all in my prayers.
Nancy says:
Heather and Mike,
Thank you for continuing to share your Darling Maddie with us.
Praying for you!
Much Love,
Nancy
Robyn says:
I came across your blog from someone else’s. I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. I lost a child and have been in your shoes. I will continue to pray that you find peace to get through each day.
Leah says:
Oh my, Maddie is so beautiful. What a very vivid little person she is. So extraordinary and amazing. What a gift to bring such a powerhouse into the world. You must miss her terribly. Her presence jumps out of every photograph. I wish you strength and courage and love.
Elizabeth says:
Hello Spohr family,
I just checked out your blog after reading an entry on Matt Logelin’s website. I’m a mom of a 22 month old son, named Christopher. We live in Seattle, where I’m a family nurse practitioner.
Maybe I’m writing this as some sort of introduction, even though that doesn’t really matter. I just feel compelled to reach out to you, as I read the tragic news of your daughter’s passing. I’m so so sorry. With what little I’ve read, it is easy to tell that your sweet little girl brought so much joy and light into your lives.
As your story gets shared through this wacky thing called the internet, trust that there’s a growing community of supporters who are sending you their compassion. We might not be able to do it in person (and that would be kinda weird, since we’ve never met)… but we’re all trying SO HARD to help hold you up, to greet another day…. even when that seems like the most unappealing thing ever.
I can’t even fathom your heartache. I feel it for you, and wish I could do more to help. Sending all my love.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Beautiful Spring Day
erin delanty says:
still thinking of you both and your beautiful maddie. keeping you in our thoughts and prayers always.
Molly says:
Dear Heather,
I did not “meet” you before I read about your beautiful Madeline but I haven’t stopped thinking about you and your family since. You seem like an incredibly strong and brave woman. It’s amazing (and inspiring) to me that you have the strength to keep writing.
I find myself wishing that I could come and sit with you in the coming weeks and months so that you may never have to be alone. In the absence of that, consider the Internet your army of friends and protectors, ready to listen or hug–or even be yelled at–whenever you need somebody.
Take care and keep writing.
Molly
Shari says:
Peace and love to you all.
Shari’s last blog post..Why we need newspapers
graceonline says:
Thank you for sharing so much of your sweet darling with us. May peace, through some miracle, fill your heart.
graceonline’s last blog post..Hush
Melissa says:
I was not going to post, because who am I but another complete stranger.
I was not going to comment, because I never know what to say in situations like these. But then I thought that when you are feeling your worst, it might mean something to know that you, your life, and your beautiful child have touched complete strangers like myself in such a deep way and that people care. I have read your blog for over a year now…I could not help being sucked in by that fantastic smile on pretty little Maddie. And since that awful day, I have thought about her, and your family, each and every day. I have a two year old daughter – and I would be lost without her. I can not even begin to fathom what you are going through…but admire your strength and courage. Keep your chin up, and may god bless you – and see you through this rough time.
See…I told you I didn’t know what to say! Just a bunch of random thoughts that I hope and pray can help you find peace…
Deborah says:
I just found your blog this evening and I am so moved by Maddie’s story. Please know that I am thinking about you and your family and I am very glad that I got to know who Maddie was, and who she remains in your hearts.
Bonnie says:
Heather and Mike-
It has been so wonderful getting to know your family through this blog. I have been a steady reader for a while and have loved watching Maddie grow up and explore and just become a beautiful girl. I have been out of town for the past week and I just gasped when I was catching up on my Google Reader and saw your blog post headlines. I think I said “Oh god” and then just started to bawl as I caught up on all of the happenings. I now sit here with tears rolling down my face, thinking about you guys.
Maddie seemed like such a wonderful baby and Heather, what a hidden blessing in having these past few months with her every day. You guys just give each other lots of hugs, give yourself all the room you need to cry or laugh or just be and remember what a gift Maddie was.
Just wanted you to know someone in Austin TX is thinking about you.
Bonnie
Bonnie’s last blog post..Hello hives!
Tina Hosko says:
Thinking of you and sending you my love.
Megan says:
I don’t know you and never got to meet your sweet little girl, but I am so sorry to hear of her passing. I learned of it through another blog and went here, and after reading your last few posts I went back and read your posts from when she was born. I am going to make a donation to the March of Dimes in her honor, and I hope it is of some small comfort to you that her passing has inspired so many to donate and give thanks for all that we have. I don’t really know what else to say, but please accept my condolences.
Funsize says:
Oh, Heather. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. My husband kisses my son’s urn every night before we turn off the lights to go to bed, but it is never enough because we’ll never get to kiss him goodnight or read him bedtime stories. Although it will never be enough for you or your husband, maybe you can do something like that for her? Maybe light a purple candle next to her urn for her every night? I know, it will never be the same.
((hugs mama))
Funsize’s last blog post..A fun day at the beach
Mary says:
Heather, I’m crying with you. I cry when I read about your and Mike’s lovely little Maddie and I cry when the thought of the pain you’re all going through comes into my mind. I’m so very sorry, even though I know that doesn’t help alleviate any of the hurt. I hope that the comments are helping you feel that you are all cared for very deeply, even though a lot of us have only recently started following your family. I will walk on Sunday for a little girl I never had the chance to meet but who has made a huge impact on me. I wish I had a blog so I could honor all of you in some more public way, but know that you are each in my heart.
Darlene Oakley says:
This story broke my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss. I am part of a network of moms who want to lift up and encourage other moms in times like these. I have passed along this story to them.
Please know that there is a whole network of moms supporting you and feeling your pain with you.
Darlene Oakley’s last blog post..I’m Here. Really!
Lynn says:
I am so sorry for your loss. Maddie’s life may have been too short and too difficult at times, but every minute of it, she was loved. That is so clear in all your words on this site and all the comments as well.
Sabrina says:
I’m so sorry for your loss. I came to your blog through another blog and am touched by you and your family. I wish you all the strength in the world. Maddie was a beautiful, wonderful little girl. My heart breaks for your loss, but I smile as I read about your wonderful times with her.
Adventures In Babywearing says:
Oh my God, this post. I can’t imagine. I can’t stop thinking about you and your heart.
Steph
Amelia says:
My prayers are with you, so so very sorry for your loss.
Arathi says:
Hello,
I found your story about your precious daughter, Maddie, through a twitter blog post. My daughter died as an infant because she was born prematurely, and there really aren’t any words that describes what it’s like to lose a child. From one parent to another, my heart breaks for you.
Every grieving process is slightly different, but it helped me to speak to other parents who had been through what I’d been through. So, if you ever want to talk, you can find me on twitter: arathi2 and message me directly.
Krystyn says:
So sorry for your loss of your sweet and precious Maddie. This post is heart-wrenching. I cannot imagine how you are feeling.
Krystyn’s last blog post..~I love quotes!~
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) says:
I just want to undo it all and bring her back!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am just sooooo sorry. I just can’t say I am sorry enough. I just can’t stand that you have to face a world without Maddie. If I feel that frantic urge, how it must rip you apart. It is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry that you have to endure this.
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)’s last blog post..5 Minutes for Books: Things I Want My Daughters to Know
Venti Vixen says:
My heart breaks for you and yours, I am so sorry for your loss. I feel blessed to have gotten to know you and Maddie from reading your blog. May you find comfort and strength in the many memories you have of your beautiful little girl.
(((HUGS)))
Venti Vixen’s last blog post..Ventivixen.com
Molly says:
My heart is breaking for you. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter.
Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) says:
I am so desperately sorry. Beyond words. Beyond tears. Beyond anything. Just so infinitely sorry.
Kellie says:
Heartbreaking. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I don’t know you and your family and only learned of your blog once your beautiful baby girl had passed away. I would do anything to bring her back. No mother or father should ever have to endure what you and your husband are.
There are so many people thinking of you during this time. I hope this knowledge comforts you in some small way.
Lori says:
I too found out about your story through Twitter. I had never seen your blog before but I am struck with how darling Maddie was and how many people loved reading about her. She was truly special.
Thirteen years ago, my firstborn, a little girl, was stillborn at 6 1/2 months of pregnancy. I know the feeling of coming home from the hospital with aching, empty arms. I know what it’s like to save precious little tokens, like locks of hair, that are never enough.
The nurses who took care of me after my daughter was born gave me a card that I’ve kept all this time. The message was simple but profound, and after all these years, it still goes through my head like a refrain; it is my wish for you:
“In time, may there be healing and acceptance.”
Love,
Lori
Fairly Odd Mother says:
There are many thing about this post that brought the tears but something about the little purple peeps being left outside your door really pierced my heart.
Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..TV Turnoff Week: Day 1, 8:00am, and already an Epic FAIL
Steph @ Problem Solvin Mom says:
My heart breaks for you, your family and friends. I know it isn’t much, but wanted to let you know you are all in our prayers.
Steph @ Problem Solvin Mom’s last blog post..Crockpot and freezer menu planning
Kelly says:
your words move me to tears. i can’t begin to imagine the pain of your loss. my heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you.
Kelly’s last blog post..Please Pray
Katie says:
I am yet another stranger who came across your blog through the magic randomness of the internet. It was right smack dab in the middle of your tragedy, which I cannot even imagine being put through. My heart is breaking for you. Thank you for sharing your beautiful Maddie with all of us.
Lindsay from Toronto says:
I have come to your page by way of Matt (Logelin) and I, too, Heather don’t know you from a hole in the wall but everything you’ve written, poured out about your family and your beautiful baby girl, it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. I haven’t a clue how you’re coping, managing, surviving…… Be strong. She is with you every day, perhaps not physically, but she’s with you in spirit, always and forever my dear.
xo
melanie says:
HUGS! I am just soooo sorry!
melanie’s last blog post..Take Me Back Tuesday
Mandy G. says:
Last year, in December, I brought home my third son in an urn. He died during my pregnancy, late enough to require burial or cremation. Not old enough for my husband and I to have lived any of his life with him.
As awful as that was, as awful as it still is at times, I cannot even compare to your and your husband’s pain. I ache for you. For all the lost children of this world.
Mandy G.’s last blog post..Hiring Tips from an HR Guru (I Heard That Snort!)
Kristen says:
Of course you know that by now your story, Maddie’s story has permeated the bloggesphere. So many of my friends have shared part of her story and your family has now touched mine too. You are in my prayers.
I too, know about bringing home a baby in an urn. A little white urn with bunnies on it. For my first baby girl, the one I yearned for my whole life. It was this time of year, almost 7 years ago. I can’t imagine your pain, and I am so very sorry. You will continue to be in my prayers and thoughts, I look forward to the continuation of Maddy’s story.
Kristen’s last blog post..My weekly post… *Gasp!*
Hope in CT says:
I pray for you and your husband. I am so very sorry. It’s hard to find words. She was so beautiful. My thoughts go out to you.
Sarcastica says:
I can’t think of any words to comfort your aching heart, and it’s frustrating me because I wish I could help in some way. Maddie was gorgeous, and this isn’t fair. My thoughts are with you guys, I’m sending strength and good vibes your way.
Sarcastica’s last blog post..Building A Home
kristin says:
every part of me aches for you.
the mystery of life is too great.
every moment of your life now you are figuring it out.
Kristin says:
Two years ago I had twin girls, my Maddie made it. My Morgan didn’t. I had such a similar experience to this when we picked up Morgan’s urn. It hurts down to my soul that another mother had to go through what I did. Please know that your family and your sweet little Maddie are in my prayers.
Kristin’s last blog post..Spot, Flood, Rest, Repeat
Courtney says:
I am weeping for you and yours right now. All efforts to send peaceful vibes, prayers, love (across the miles from someone you don’t know) are happening right this moment.
Courtney’s last blog post..Quote for the day (and night)….
Sandy says:
I am so sorry for your family’s loss! What a beautiful little girl. What a tragic loss, too loose someone so precious far too early.
Amanda says:
Heather, I find myself wanting to comment on every single post of yours, but I only do so occasionally because I can’t come up with anything to say except, “Oh my God, I’m so so so so so sorry” a million times over.
My heart literally aches as I read about you going to pick up your baby and bring her home for good. I cannot come up with enough ways to tell you how sorry I am and how I wish that there was something more I could do.