When I was on hospital bed rest, I was attached to monitors 24 hours a day. I despised the contraction belt and the blood pressure monitor – they were uncomfortable and woke me up often. My favorite was the monitor that tracked Madeline’s heart. It was so reassuring to be able to look over at the monitor and see her heart beating. There were nights when Mike couldn’t stay in my room, so I’d turn up the sound of her heartbeat to remind me that I wasn’t alone.

While I’m obviously glad I’m not on hospital bed rest (and I sincerely hope I get to avoid it this time), I do miss how easy it was to glance over and know that Madeline was doing OK in there. Many panic attacks were prevented thanks to this monitor.

After I had my panic attack in Dr. Risky’s office a few weeks ago, we talked about ways to keep my anxiety under control. A Doppler was suggested. Just having the Doppler has made a difference. Knowing that I can check on Binky if I start to feel anxious is calming. I actually only use the Doppler once or twice a week even though I’m cleared for once a day.

It would be so nice to be able to turn a volume dial to hear Binky’s heart beating all the time though. For now, this will have to do.