Some days I feel like only a shadow of myself, even as I grow bigger.
There are days and moments when I can laugh, feel hope.
But on the shadow days, I am stuck in the dark. My mind takes me to terrible places, and I can’t get out. I wonder and worry about things no one should, things I never would have thought of until I watched my daughter die.
It’s hard knowing I’ll never have answers to my questions. The only person who could answer them is gone. And they are important questions. Things that keep me up at night. Things that, if I’m not careful, can knock me to my knees.
I remember the days when we would sit in the shadows, and create our own.
I remember the days when we would lay in the shade and stare at the sky.
I never wanted those days to end.