I had a good day today. I went to the gym, and I didn’t 100% hate it. Annie didn’t nap, but she was in an awesome mood. I accomplished a fair amount on my To Do list.

And then this came in the mail, addressed to The Spohr Family:

It was a punch in the gut, even thought I’m so glad they are still thinking of and including us.

Bringing Madeline to her NICU reunion two years ago was one of the best days of our lives. We got to show the doctors and nurses that terribly sick 28 week baby survived, and was living, and bringing us joy.

What are we supposed to do now?

The day of the reunion we have an unbreakable commitment, and that’s a good thing. Otherwise I don’t think I’d be able to stay away from the reunion.

I want to see the nurses and the doctors, the people that saved Madeline after she was born. And I want to apologize.

I feel like they worked so hard, and gave us our baby, and we failed. She died when we were responsible for her. They gave up so much for her, and we couldn’t protect her.

I failed, and I want to tell them I’m sorry.