Two days ago I read about Brittany Maynard, a 29-year-old woman with aggressive, terminal brain cancer. If you haven’t watched her video or read her op-ed (and you should), Brittany’s story is making news because she’s taking advantage of the Death with Dignity Act that is available to residents of Oregon (and WA, VT, MT, and NM). In the 17-years since Oregon passed the law, fewer than 1% of its 752 doctor-assisted deaths have been for people Brittany’s age.
As I watched the video Brittany and her family made detailing her decision, I cried. In Brittany I see Jackie: passion for life and travel, a desire to leave the world a better place, and resigned acceptance that a cure is not going to be discovered in time to save her. Jackie had the same kind of tumor (Stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme) and they were even the same age at diagnosis.
GBM is a wretched, terrible way to die. Jackie lived with a constant, excruciating headache, and the different medications she took caused awful side effects. She was always at risk for debilitating seizures. She didn’t want to die, but mostly, she didn’t want to put her family through her death. She worried about being a burden, losing her faculties, and having a long, lingering death that would torture her and everyone who loved her.
Brittany is using some of her last few days to help raise awareness for Death with Dignity laws. She believes that everyone should have the option to reduce suffering at the end of life, and have some control over how and when they die. I admire her so much for using this time to help give others access to the choices that were available to her.
This is a choice. Passing a Death with Dignity law does NOT mean that, upon receiving a terminal diagnosis, a patient will then be walked into a room where they’ll be handed a packet of “suicide drugs” that they have to immediately take. It means that, should a terminal patient choose to, s/he can go to a doctor and receive a prescription for oral medications that they would again choose to take (or not take!) to help aid the dying process. According to several articles I read, many terminal patients find tremendous comfort in simply having the drugs in their possession, knowing that they finally have some control over their lives again.
I don’t know if Jackie would have ultimately chosen to take advantage of a Death with Dignity option if it had been available in California, but I believe she would have at least considered it. I know she would have appreciated having the choice. I would want the choice. Everyone deserves that final say in their life.
Stacie says:
I’m a nurse and I treat patients with brain rumors. I’ve seen too many young, otherwise healthy people with GBMs waste away so quickly and it’s heartbreaking. I’m so sorry Jackie was affected by this type of tumor. I admire Brittany’s courage and willingness to share a private decision with the world. I wish her the best and hope she has a peaceful end of life.
Stacie says:
Brain tumors, not rumors. Autocorrect 1, Stacie 0 in the 3am challenge to make sense in a comment.
Susan says:
I, too, admire this young lady’s courage and wish her the best!! I, too, watched a loved one w/Glioblastoma Multiforme. My Dad was older but it hit him with NO symptoms and gone in 44 days. The day my Dad was diagnosed was the day we lost him as it moved to an area in the brain that allowed him to speak. He could not write. He was so confused. My Dad could make NO decisions.
DefendUSA says:
I saw this a few days ago and I was wondering if I should send you the link…My daughter’s friend is 22. It is not a stage IV but could rapidly change per my BIL who is a neurosurgeon. It’s scary to me because I am a Mom who is just a tiny bit cynical- and I don’t see that my daughter understands the bigger picture.
I think her friend would absolutely do this if it were available to her. She is by your accounts, the same kind of thinker, doer, that Jackie! was. And, I know you miss her.
Giselle says:
Could you elaborate on your comment about being cynical?
This is a very interesting and controversial topic and I would like to really understand both sides of the argument.
I am definitely leaning to the side that gives people the option to make a choice.
DefendUSA says:
I’m cynical because of experiencing loss and knowing that sometimes no matter how badly we want something not to be true, it is. And my daughter’s friend isn’t going to make it as long as some people do. She doesn’t understand it.
A HS friend is about to lose her daughter to the same cancer as Heather’s Jackie! and it’s soooo awful because it’s inoperable– that’s how bad it is. And in 6 months, she has gone from vibrant to a shell and they are still trying everything available. I wish she had a choice to remain as vibrant as Brittany to the end and it’s too late. I don’t know what I would have done in her parents place, but it’s been awful to watch.
Kylie says:
As a child life specialist working with paediatric oncology patients, I have worked with many very young sufferers of GBM and other types of brain tumours as well as other cancers. Even at a young age they express to me often wishes that they could end their suffering when they know things aren’t going so well. One patient who at 9 years old had just found out she had a recurrence of her GBM turned to her father and said ‘just let me die daddy. I want to die now.’ She suffered until the end with no shred of dignity left and her father has since done many talks on the choice to die with dignity…he has done a TED talk which you might like: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z2y1L37t-18
Heather says:
Thank you for sharing his TED talk! I’m a bit of the way through it and it’s so powerful.
Kylie says:
Isn’t it?! Barrie is a fantastic speaker and was an incredible dad who was destroyed having to watch his daughter wasting away in front of him. Hugely thought provoking stuff!
Jill says:
I have two relatives that have died from ALS. I know if I find myself in a similar terminal situation I want the option to choose Death with Dignity. It is one of the few “political” things I get fired up about. I am so proud that this woman has chosen to make this a news topic right now.
Debbie in the UK says:
Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that a person should choose when to die, there is always the grey area when someone who thought them a burden would give them the drugs BEFORE they actually wanted to go. Thats the dilema facing the powers that be in the UK. People bumping off their relatives. Certianly, a family memger is a nurse and an old lady was sick in hospital a few weeks ago (but not terminal and she was expected to recover) but the family asked whether she could be put on the “pathway” which means stop feeding the poor mite! Obviously it was refused!
Giselle says:
I think that’s a vastly different situation. The ability to obtain these drugs is reserved for specific cases where there is no chance for recovery.
The person has to meet specific criteria and someone that is not terminally ill and is expected to recover would not be approved.
Also, I don’t know for certain, but I’m dubious that they would even allow the family to decide. I think it has to be a decision made by the individual person.
And I don’t think hospitals just stop feeding people.
I’m just really confused by this comment as it seems like it’s a completely different situation so it’s irrelevant and misleading.
I’m not trying to be insulting by any means, I hope it didn’t come off that way. I was just trying to make sense of how this relates since it could influence people to be against having the right to choose for fear that the families could just go around killing relatives they don’t like when they get sick from the flu or something.
JT says:
I don’t really have anything to add on this and I’m not sure exactly what was meant earlier as stop feeding. But hospitals do sometimes stop feeding people, in particular those in vegetative states with no hope of recovery. They will remove the feeding tube, almost like “pulling the plug.” It’s apparently a peaceful death, which seems strange. One of my friend’s fathers, in essence, starved to death in hospice. He was dying from advanced cancer and honestly was done with his pain. He started refusing to eat and the hospice didn’t put a feeding tube in, because it was a hospice so they don’t do anything like that to prolong life.
Giselle says:
Hi JT, yes I follow you. I know they will stop a feeding tube in the end. What Debbie in the UK said was that the patient was wanting to eat and was expected to recover. I’m pretty sure that in that situation, even if the family wants the person to die, the hospital won’t just stop feeding that person.
JT says:
Sorry, I totally interpreted it differently. I assumed she meant someone who was dying, but wasn’t close to death, so could still have some quality of life.
Jenn says:
There is a brilliant documentary available on Netflix called How to die in Oregon. It really sheds a light on the dying with dignity bill. It was very moving to hear the stories of the people who chose to do so.
M says:
I agree. I would want that choice too.
Margie says:
I am behind these laws and behind people like Brittany. It’s tough to see your family member’s body suffer and slowly deteriorate. Living wills should be mandatory because choosing to put my brother on “comfort care.” (Here in Texas, they just make you comfortable and give you some drugs. It could be a long process or a short one.) I worried the whole time if I was making the right choice for my brother even though I knew he wouldn’t want to be in this state with 0% chance of recovery. Thankfully, my brother went peacefully and quickly surrounded by his family and friends. Still, it continues to be the worst week of my life.
Shea says:
I feel like I’ve seen so much support for Brittany — so let’s pass these laws in every state. I saw an interview in which she said what she’s doing is NOT suicide, and I totally agree. She wants to live, she doesn’t want to die. Unfortunately she won’t get to make that choice so the least we can do is give her autonomy over her own death. The few people I’ve seen who oppose this state religious reasons, and that makes me angry. Similar to your post the other day, not everyone believes the same thing and it seem unfathomable for a person to push their own beliefs on a terminally ill patient who just wants to leave this world on their own terms. I really feel for Brittany and her loved ones. It sounds like she has a wonderful family, and she us so strong for sharing her story to hopefully help others.
Jess says:
I have lost a few family members to Alzheimer’s, on both sides of my immediate family. It is a wretched way to finish living. I decided years ago that, should I receive the diagnosis with enough facilities remaining to make coherent decisions, I would choose to finish living in a dignified, loving manner. Not only do I now want to live like that, I do not want my family to see and experience that. I have been very vocal about this and my family is aware. It’s a shame I am not in Oregon where the process would be easier.
Amanda says:
I am a Christian and disagree with you fundamentally on this (and many other things), but one point I do want to fight is the notion that if you don’t choose your own death on your own terms, it’s not ‘dignified’. The definition of ‘dignity’ is ‘the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect’. Granted I do come at this from the perspective of having the joy and comfort of eternal hope, but even so, I buck at the suggestion that if you don’t control things, it’s not dignified. Suffering and pain brings its own kind of strength, its own kind of redemptive value, its own kind of beauty. This whole thing makes me incredibly sad that so many people have so little hope in anything other than their perceived finality of death.
(In case you need my sorrow credentials, I was an early widow with three kids after my husband passed away from cancer.)
Karen says:
I am so sorry about your loss, but I don’t agree with you, and nit-picking word definitions to derail debates irks me. The definition also includes “a composed, serious manner” and “self-respect” – something people feel they lose when they are in too much pain to control their minds and bodies.
Becki says:
Amanda – As a Christian, I entirely agree with you. This is just wrong – everybody’s threshhold is going to be different. And here are MY sorrow credentials – My beloved Daddy died 6/19/14 of Dementia, and he HATED what he was going through BUT as a retired Coroner he was passionately prolife and against any type of euthanasia. The ramifications of these decisions, the sorrow of those left behind second guessing FOREVER, the miracles for some and the learning and “redemptive value” of the process. It is just not our decision to make
Giselle says:
You’re saying that because it’s not the choice you would make that other people shouldn’t get the option of deciding for themselves?
How do you justify that because you feel a certain way, no one should get to?
If you think of it in a different way, do you think that your available choices in life be limited by someone else’s religion and/or beliefs? Shouldn’t each person have the right to choose for themselves?
Kerry says:
Uh-oh, tread carefully Amanda and Becki! Should you DARE to express a viewpoint that is different from the author’s here in the comments section, you’ll soon have several people trying to tell you how wrong you are (because they, of course, are the beholders of all knowledge. They’ll even taunt you with labels like “smug and self-righteous,” all because you had the *audacity* to post a comment in a…wait for it….public comments section! Yes, they’d be much more comfortable if we religious folks would shut up and sit in the corner.
Anyway, Amanda and Becki, here is an interesting alternate viewpoint on the issue in case you’re interested.
http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/there-is-nothing-brave-about-suicide/
JT says:
It’s a public comment section of a personal blog post about her best friend’s death. There is a time to for sensitivity and being Christ-like.
Heather says:
Kerry, I don’t think anyone is being disrespectful here so I’m not sure why you’re upset. I will never stand for religion being disrespected. The majority of people commenting here ARE religious. But this is a subject that people feel passionately about, and in turn, the responses are passionate. I won’t let anyone attack you for expressing your opinion.
I will, however, ask you to consider using a different article to illustrate the alternate viewpoint. Matt Walsh is repugnant. I humbly suggest this article instead: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/ (although I really hate the use of the word suicide).
Sara says:
Heather, thanks for posting that article from Ann Voskamp’s site – it was such a wellwritten piece.
Jordan says:
Thank you for using Ann’s post as an alternate viewpoint! (though I agree about the use of the term suicide here). She’s so much more thoughtful on the matter. And I agree about Matt Walsh… I cannot stand him. UGH
I’m a Christ follower as well, but I really don’t know where I stand on this issue. I can’t help but feel compassion for her in making such a hard decision. Thank you for offering a very well-written, thought provoking piece on the issue, Heather. It definitely brought a fresh, personal perspective!!
Jackson says:
Having received the wrath of some people I do know what you mean. I wish everyone was tolerant of different opinions. We can all learn from each person’s perspective, particularly when it is different from ours.
I live in Oregon and am grateful for our Death with Dignity law. I have often felt that we treat our animals with greater dignity than we treat people. If our beloved animal is in pain that cannot be remedied we put the animal down because we do not want to compromise the animal’s quality of life. I really think that that is the issue here.
Giselle says:
Kerry, I think your statement is not quite accurate. Heather posted that she understands Brittany’s decision. The opposing view is to say that someone doesn’t feel the same way and would prefer to not take matters into their own hands. Those are the two sides of the argument.
The thing is that some people are saying she shouldn’t have the option. No one should bc it goes against their Christian beliefs. That’s an entirely different discussion. That is a discussion about people’s rights and life choices. That is when people take things personally and get upset.
Do you see what I mean?
We don’t know each other, so it really doesn’t actually make a difference to any one commenter whether another commenter says they would choose to exercise this option or not. That’s a very personal decision.
But when someone says they don’t think each person should get to choose bc they don’t agree with it, it becomes personal. Now it affects the other commenters bc someone is arguing that what they want shouldn’t matter. That they shouldn’t get the option to decide what is best for themselves.
I hope this sheds some clarity on why people become so passionate and take it so personally.
Amy says:
Actually it is our decision to make.
I am beyond thrilled that Canada’s Supreme Court recently fought an appeal to make the ‘right to die’ legal. I can breathe a sigh of relief. If ever I am facing a slow and painful death I have the RIGHT to end it if so I choose.
And this is about CHOICE.
Amy says:
Sorry, thrilled to bits the appeal was over turned! CHOICE is good people. Don’t take that away from anyone. I don’t care what your bible says. Really.
Giselle says:
I think you have the right to describe the feeling you get from having the right to choose in a different way than with how Brittany or Heather or anyone else describes it. But that’s not the point at all. Someone’s feelings are their own.
Are you saying you disagree with giving each person the right to choose because of your Christian beliefs? Can I ask why? Shouldn’t your beliefs influence which choice you personally make and someone else’s beliefs dictate their choice? Heather’s point is that there should be a choice. You wouldn’t want someone else’s beliefs limiting your choices in life, do you?
Anna says:
Amanda, I am also a Christian, and I’m just rolling my eyes at you right now. You are completely entitled to your opinion, but the smug and self-righteous way you are touting it is one of the reasons so many people won’t take Christians seriously.
I think people who know the end is year and don’t want to go through severe pain, humiliation, and agony to gain that “strength” and “beauty” you’re talking about should have that right.
Melissa says:
Thank you! I’m a Christian as well and I was rolling my eyes at that comment too. I actually am not quite sure what I think about this (and I live in WA where we do have the “death with dignity” law.) It’s such a tough choice but I read something that said we are allowed to put our pets out of their pain and suffering, why can’t we make the same choice as humans? If I was in this situation I’m not sure what I’d do. But if my body was wasting away rapidly (as Brittany’s is) I think I would take my husband, dogs and my pills and go stay on the beach until I felt the time was right. However, if I had a chance (even a small one) I probably would fight. I wouldn’t want my family to remember me as a shell of person. It’s just a sad situation all around.
GreenInOC says:
@Melissa, please don’t think I’m picking on you – just want to get that out there!
It’s so important to let your family know, explicitly, what you want. It’s not enough to say “I don’t want to suffer” or “I want everything done”. Everyone needs to be very, very clear.
What you wrote, “…if I had a chance (even a small one) I probably would fight. I wouldn’t want my family to remember me as a shell of person.”, is completely contradictory. “Fighting”, especially with “a small chance”, more often than not, leads to “a shell of a person”.
As a friend’s father was dying but still healthy, she relayed to me that he “didn’t want to suffer” or something equally general. Having been through this more than once, I implored her to sit her parents down and ask the incredibly hard questions such as, 1) what does suffering mean to you? 2) what happens if you have surgery, that you want, but…? 3) if your chances are what percentage of you suffering as you describe, what do you want done?
She did and when her father’s health declined they all knew exactly what he wanted. She has thanked me several times stating that if they hadn’t had that conversation nobody would have known what to do and they would have agonized even more.
It’s not enough to make your wishes known, you MUST be incredibly specific. Just think of it as a gift to your loved ones and trust me, it is.
Okay, I’m hoping off my soapbox now!
Susan says:
I agree Anna. I am too a believer and know heaven will be my future home, however, as I commented way above, I respect this young lady and understand this is HER decision.
Mamacita says:
Amanda – I am deeply sorry for your loss. I do disagree with you though. Our daughter is Jackie. There was nothing beautiful about the way she died. Yes, I believe our daughter had an immense amount of strength. I’m sure it took that to reach inside herself for the courage to try to make it easier on all of us. Did we learn anything from watching this? I suppose we learned that she loved us so much. Her biggest fear was what this would do to us. She was SO MUCH stronger than I believe any of us would have been. She had shown us that over all of the years of her fight, her surgeries, her radiation, her numerous chemos, trials, side effects,etc….. What keeps me going Amanda is my belief that there is something after this life. I know I’ll see Jackie again.
I just don’t think any of us have the right to say that Brittany doesn’t have a right to end this suffering. It’s not like she doesn’t know how it’s going to end. She does.
I think we should all be very careful here. Unless you are truly faced with these circumstances, you don’t understand. I was there with my precious baby girl watching all of this and going through every moment with her. I would have given anything to trade places with her. I would have taken it in a second. Does that give me the right to say I understand what she was going through? NO!!!! I know my precious child was eaten up with guilt about putting her family through this suffering, something she had no control over. That makes me so immensely sad. My only comfort is that I know she’s okay now.
Stephanie says:
I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss, Ms. Oswold. I only know about Jackie through Heather’s blog, but Jackie’s spirit has forever touched my heart.
Mamacita says:
Thank you Stephanie. Jackie’s spirit has touched so many people. That helps.
Mamacita
Jerilynn says:
I can only echo Stephanie’s sentiments. Your daughter was such a beautiful person. I am grateful to have had the chance to learn about how special she was from this blog and to be more aware of the horrible illness that robbed her of life far too soon. Praying for your family.
Tania says:
AMEN!!!!! and I am so terribly sorry for you loss as well.
GreenInOC says:
@Amanda, I truly am happy that you are at peace with your husband’s choice in his manner of death. There is nothing more lovely, comforting or peaceful – it’s a gift.
I’m curious though, why you would want to stand in the way of other people making their own choices and finding that peace for themselves and their loved ones.
You certainly can’t be saying that Brittany is not suffering or in pain? Or are you saying that she is not the kind of pain and suffering that you think is proper?
Do you think people that die without suffering and pain (let’s say someone who appears healthy and dies in their sleep or has a sudden accident that causes immediate death), that their deaths are somehow “less”?
Dignity comes in respecting people’s wishes. The fact that your husband apparently was able to choose the manner in which he faced cancer and his death is dignified. For him.
If I decide I want another path and that is honored, that is dignified.
A different choice doesn’t stand in the way of or diminish other’s. Why in the world would people want to force their choices on other people – they certainly wouldn’t want it done to them?
Katie says:
I think the dignity part comes, not from dying, but from not having to suffer the indignities of dying. GBM is a horrific disease. Before it kills you, it takes over various parts of your brain. It’s different for everyone. It could be your speech, your motor control, your memory. Many people lose the ability to eat, lose bowel/bladder control, lose their ability to think rationally. People with end stage GBM are often bed ridden for weeks and the treatments that they are offered often cause great pain or discomfort on top of this.
I don’t think suffering through any of that brings strength and frankly, what use is that alleged strength? I believe in heaven, but I don’t think there’s a great benefit to being stronger by dying painfully. If I was 29 years old, given a diagnosis of GBM and 6 months to live, I would want to die as I lived- with my family, happy, and surrounded by those I love. Not in a hospital bed, not in a diaper, not with tubes and nurses. It might not be the same definition of dignity that you share, but I can see how that, to some, is the type of dignity that is craved.
Jerilynn says:
Well said, Katie.
Elizabeth McKinney says:
Amen! I am not good at expressing myself in situations like this, so thanks for putting what I wanted to say in clearer words than I could.
Jerilynn says:
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your husband. I think you have incredible strength and courage to have faced that while also raising three people. That said, I don’t see “beauty” in someone writhing in pain, or being immobile in their own feces, or having someone’s family be forced to watch the person they once knew lose everything about who he/she was. I don’t see “redemptive” value in watching someone with Stage IV Ovarian Cancer scream in unfathomable agony. I see no redemption in my son having too look at his own mother wracked with Alzheimer’s, not knowing who he is anymore. If you have a differing opinion, you have every right to voiceferate that and be heard. I just ask that you please not provide platitudes. Make a substantive argument, please. This also isn’t about perceived finality. It’s about how people want to leave the world when they are going to leave it slowly and brutally. I believe in an afterlife, and that doesn’t mitigate my feelings on this issue nor does it imply I have “little hope in anything”.
Nicole E says:
VERY well said Amanda Im a PROUD Christian and i agree with you 110% (all the while respecting the opinions of others). See it can be done, lol. God Bless you and your beautiful family, Heather!
Valerie says:
I watched Brittany’s story and read all about it on her website. She is such a brave young woman for sharing her story in such a public forum. I commend her for making an informed decision. My dad died of the exact same brain tumor in January and I know exactly what her body is going to do to her in the coming months. My biggest hope is that she is able to leave this world on her own terms, knowing that her life made a huge impact and got a dialogue going about someone’s right to die with dignity and respect.
Megan says:
Thank you for writing about this so eloquently. I’ve seen so much misinformation about death with dignity; it’s along the same lines as “If we let gay people get married, soon we’ll be letting people marry their pets!” “Death with dignity means that if you receive a terminal diagnosis, the nurse will put lethal drugs in your chemo! Because of Obamacare!” I’m really tired of seeing these extremist comments taking over any attempt at a rational discussion on news sites and am so glad your blog is different.
MG says:
I’m guessing you all wouldn’t have traded those last days with Jackie for anything in the world. I think, it’s a slippery slope my friend.
Kim says:
Those last days with Jackie when she was out of it and incoherent? Don’t speak of that which you don’t know. Wait until you are terminally ill, in pain and just want it all to end.
Susan says:
The decision is, and should be, up to the person with the terminal ailment, not others.
Heather says:
What a strange thing to say. I would have traded almost anything to end her suffering, and that includes the time I had with her at the end – time that really only benefitted ME, as *I* was not the one in massive amounts of pain.
Amy says:
Ignore those that are ignorant to the suffering of those with terminal diseases. Clearly they have never watched a loved one suffer. Any human being with an ounce of empathy would not want our friends and family members to suffer. Ignorance is not worth getting upset over.
Giselle says:
I was just about to say basically what Heather said. My guess was that, actually, Heather would have traded almost anything to reduce Jackie’s suffering.
I’m sure the last moments were incredibly painful for everyone that loved Jackie and could see how much pain she was in.
To say that some additional time for loved ones to remember are more important than what the patient wants is incredibly selfish.
And the thing is, us on this side of the argument aren’t at all, in ANY way, saying that we should choose for you and force someone to take the drugs. We are merely in support of each person doing what is right for themselves.
Why do you think that you have the right to limit someone else’s options?
I don’t understand the mentality of just because you don’t want option B, then no one should have it be an option at all.
Jerilynn says:
Amen, Giselle.
amourningmom says:
Thank you for writing about the death with dignity act. There is so much in life and death that we cannot control I am so glad that there are now some choices for people with terminal illnesses. Thinking about you, Jackie and her family extra today. Sending you hope and hugs.
Courtney says:
I read Brittany’s story a few days ago. The comments on the stories about her are abhorrent. I can’t believe that people would truly wish to prolong the suffering and dying process of someone else because of their own beliefs. It’s all about choice. I’ll never understand how people can justify denying important personal choices to others.
Karen says:
It is because they believe that in supporting a decision against their faith…they are damning themselves as well.
I don’t agree with it but as a Catholic, I can understand both sides.
That being said, my husband just sat and watched his dad die from cancer and in those last hours, he wishes he could have done something. My FIL was in such agony that he said horrible things to those around him. They will never forget some of the things he said. I think I would ask the Lord for forgiveness and end my suffering too…not for myself but for those around me who would be suffering along with me.
Again, a personal choice and not for anyone but the patient to make.
Courtney says:
I agree that it’s a personal choice. I understand that people have strongly held beliefs and that is their right to decide to let their lives play out to their natural end or let their god decide when it’s their time. I don’t believe in a god, so I would never want somebody to force me into a painful end of life situation because they believe that it is up to their higher power to decide when my life ends. It all just boils down to choice. Everyone should have one.
Margie says:
This. I believe in God and am Catholic but I disagree with that whole God’s Plan. I just can’t. Life is not pre-determined. It’s your will to choose what you want to do with your life.
Everyone should be in control of their lives, the way the live and most certainly the way they should die (if they can).
Jen R. says:
Karen, I think what you said here is right – “It is because they believe that in supporting a decision against their faith…they are damning themselves as well.”
But…I still don’t get it. Why do people feel that way? What about free will as part of Christianity? People choosing to believe in Jesus as their lord and savior and all that? It seems to me, as a non-believer, that God is always giving people choice. I mean, sure – he’s all about TELLING people what to do via scripture, etc., but in the end, God is supposed to be omnipotent, he could just MAKE everyone do whatever he wants all the time…If he is letting people make choices, for better or worse, why can’t people do the same for each other?
I’m just another non-believer trying to understand why people of faith think their religious beliefs should impact my choices. Maybe my understanding is seriously flawed…I just don’t see the logic.
Giselle says:
I’m so with you.
I don’t want to make these choices for the religious people. I believe they should make their own choices.
I want everyone to have the freedom to make their own choices.
Glenda says:
I read this story a few days ago. Brave & heartbreaking but a choice everyone should have without all the suffering.
Karen says:
On a side note…Baby Shane (bucketlist baby) passed away this morning. I have been crying at my desk.
Hugs for Heather all of the moms who comment here and know this pain too well.
Marie says:
At the end of August one of my remaining sisters-in-law had hernia surgery. After unbearable pain, they operated twice more. The first time they took out her dead small bowel and then again to take out the rest, all of which had died during the first two surgeries. As my husband and all his brothers are gone and her sister just had a coronary and bypass, I was the one with the time to sit with her. I questioned the doctor over the results and he said her third surgery was fatal as they had to take everything. Well fatal does not mean dead. It means you can’t live but you have to lay there while your body decides when to let go. After 7 days, she finally did pass but it was not death with dignity at that point. I went every day to sit with her, she was in a coma and on “comfort care”. One day she was really restless and I asked her new nurses what was going on. Oh she’s been able to last 3 hours without her morphine they said. OMG! She wasn’t able to and I called for the palliative nurse. She made it clear that morphine could be used every half hour. I shudder to think what that night had been like for her and I wasn’t there. Finally they got the drugs back to a decent level and she calmed down (anxiety drugs also). But it took almost a whole day and meanwhile I was alone trying to decide what to do with my husband’s sister. It was a terrible 7 days, but I made sure that prayer surrounded her and I specifically asked the last pastor to pray for her passing. Now I don’t know what I would do in Brittany’s circumstances, but I do know that my sister-in-law had no say and also that DIFFERENT nurses have their own definition of “comfort care”!! I am Catholic and do believe that God is in charge, but I really doubt that God would want anyone to suffer. But the laws are what they are and most people will not get the chance to decide anything beyond DNR. There is a form in most hospitals called The Five Wishes and luckily Joyce had filled that out beforehand so we knew what she wanted. We just couldn’t get her there without suffering. DNR does not mean you will die with dignity or in an fashion that will not include pain and suffering. I actually wouldn’t trade that time with her for anything, but it was so very painful to not be able to do anything for her.
Margie says:
That is awful. I am so sorry.
GreenInOC says:
@Marie, I have been haunted by your story all day. I am so sorry.
Jerilynn says:
No words, Marie. I am so sorry for you and your sister-in-law.
Valerie says:
I thought of you and your friend Jackie when I read this, and the many others who receive devastating news like this and have to make such impossible decisions. I see my 89 year old mother, who has led a FULL life, slowly losing her memory and so much of her fierce independence. I wonder (no, I think I know!!) what I would choose if I had the option…
Thank you for writing this!!
Val in Ohio
Serennne says:
I have stage IV breast cancer and I just turned 40 in June. It is considered incurable…and how I hate that term! I am doing very well right now and hope to continue doing well for many years. But this option should be available. We treat our animals better…right now, my state doesn’t offer this, but it’s one of the ones that are considering it. I sincerely hope they give people, as Heather said, at least the option to chose for themselves! Hugs to anyone suffering, it is hard!
Jerilynn says:
Sending you good thoughts and hugs, Serenne.
Steph says:
praying for you Serenne.
Mamacita says:
Serenne I have put you in my prayer list. I will be holding you up in prayer. God Bless.
Dawn says:
I thought of you and Jackie! When I read about this. So many thoughts about it, and I am grateful that some people are really trying to get in touch with their own hearts and really ask what they would do and want, and finding ways to have compassion for those who truly need it.
Lenora says:
I thought of Jackie when I heard about this. I definitely think this should be an option that people have. My dad had Alzheimer’s and when he go pneumonia in the care facility, my mom didn’t take him to the hospital for fear that they would try to “cure” him. He had lost all quality of life by them so they just gave him morphine for pain and let him slip away.
Kathy Shipstad says:
Very interesting comments all around. I have had my share of witnessing end of life after a cancer dx. It is a personal choice. I believe my sister battling lung cancer is stashing drugs so when the time comes she can have some control. I don’t blame her. Our state does not offer the End of life plan. I support it.
Cyndy says:
i worked in an icu and saw horrible, lingering deaths, and even worse the fight against death, to the point of 90+ year olds getting rib-breaking CPR. I Find our views on death and dying bizarre; in that respect we are far kinder to our pets and even livestock. I fully support the Death With Dignity laws. It’s also SO important to have your wishes in writing and make your family aware.
Melissa says:
I’m so sorry to everyone who has dealt with this firsthand. As others have said – please make sure that you write down your wishes – so that even if the laws aren’t what we would like them to be, everyone can feel that they are doing their best to respect what YOU want in the parameters they are allowed. You hope to never need to rely on that of course, but it’s one of the best things you can do for your family.
GreenInOC says:
@Giselle I love your comments!
Having been through this with my sister, my Dad, friends and watching too many friends deal with it for their family members has made me a crusader for choice and getting the medical behemoth out of the way if that is what the patient and/or their family wants.
Here are two interesting pieces about the way doctors themselves want to die. Spoiler alert: an incredible majority only want pain management.
From the Radiolab show:
http://www.radiolab.org/story/bitter-end/
Wall Street Journal:
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052970203918304577243321242833962?mg=reno64-wsj&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Farticle%2FSB10001424052970203918304577243321242833962.html
Giselle says:
Thank you, GreenInOC. I am so sorry for your losses.
I hope that my comments didn’t offend anyone. I don’t typically comment that many times in one post, but certain things get me really worked up.
I can’t read people’s opinion that their religion and beliefs should limit other people. I’m sorry, but that level of selfishness is too much. I mean, how would they like it if all of a sudden a majority of the US became Jehovah’s Witnesses and they started banning things and taking away people’s rights and generally changing things to be in line with their religion? One day blood transfusions aren’t legal anymore. I tell you how they would like it. They wouldn’t. They would flip their shit. It’s completely hypocritical. They would immediately change their tune and fight for religious freedom and the ability for everyone to make their own choices. Imagine that.
Sigh.
Mamacita says:
Hi My Sweet Heather,
I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have replied to Amanda, but I thought I might punch something or someone. So…… replying sounded like a better option. Your post was beautifully written and very thought provoking. Thank you for writing on this very controversial subject. Love you.
Mama Robs
Giselle says:
I am so sorry for your loss. We know Jackie through Heather’s blog. She was an incredible person and friend.
I also wanted to punch Amanda, so only politely replying to her comment seems perfectly reasonable and respectful.
Heather says:
I love you Mama Robs. It means a lot that you read it. Jackie would be so proud. xoxo
Amanda says:
While it’s super fun to hear how many people want to punch me, I don’t know that it’s all that productive or kind. Please notice I didn’t elaborate on my opinion on whether or not people should have the option to kill themselves. I knew that would not go over well here and I knew I might not be able to articulate things as kindly or as mercifully as I want to. Internet commenting is not my strong suit. I feel for all of us that have been or will be facing the death of a loved one. I’ve been there. It’s painful. In my opinion, though, it’s also beautiful and not something to be feared. That’s all I wanted to express.
JT says:
How many people want to punch you?? It’s the mother of the person who inspired Heather’s feelings on this post and one other person. You have to know that your comments may have caused some
pain. Nobody actually wants to punch you, it’s a saying… Let’s not add more pain. If you think maybe you weren’t as merciful and kind as you meant to be, try apologizing.
Mamacita says:
O.K. Amanda, I want to make it clear – I did not actually want to punch you. Reliving this nightmare so soon after losing our beautiful daughter, Jackie is just painful. While Jackie did not chose to end it I, myself, am not sure that would have been a bad thing. I can say service and received Communion from a Eucharist Minister that now, because our fight is over. Just to be clear – our family have a very strong faith. My husband and I and all four of our children were born and raised Catholic. So I don’t question and I acknowledge your concern for these types of decisions. We had a prayer service in our home around the hospital bed with Jackie. All of us, including Jackie, received Communion. So, that being said – I happen to know Jackie was not afraid to die. I don’t fear death. I’ll be honest – after watching Jackie’s last ten days – what I fear is how I die. I’m pretty sure I’m not anywhere near as strong as she was.
I am praying so hard for Brittany and her family right now. She has made this decision and I’m sure she had no idea what the response to it would be. She will be ok. Her family, on the other hand, will have to listen to these types of comments – sometimes from well meaning people.
So, everyone please take that families feeling and every other family who has to deal with these situation into consideration before you comment.
I have to believe that people mean well when they say things. They just don’t listen to it in their head before they say it.
Amanda, again I apologize if you thought I really wanted to punch you. This whole subject hits way too close to home for me. We’re are coming very near to Jackie’s birthday – so my emotions are right up on the surface.
It would be a better world if we all did what was right for us and lived by example. I try (sometimes not very successfully) to not be judgmental. I feel it’s not my place. I don’t have the right. I also feel that God understands. Life is not all black and white. Most of it is in the grey area.
Please keep Brittany and her family in your prayers everyone. I unfortunately can imagine what they are going through right now. I makes me sick to my stomach and it is tearing me apart right now – knowing what her mother and father are going to be going through. God Bless you all.
JT says:
Mamacita, I hope you know how many people who never got a chance to meet Jackie think of her and pray for her and your family.
It’s interesting how you’ve mentioned Jackie’s strength so much, but I have been impressed by your strength, as well. I could never speak as eloquently as you on this subject and I haven’t experienced what you’ve experienced.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and thank you for sharing your daughter’s life with us.
Toni says:
I believe your post was very brave. No mother should have to watch her child go through what you did with Jackie. I live in Oregon and am very proud of our state. I am so very sorry for all that you lost. You are so very right about life being mostly in the gray area. Take good care of yourself.
Giselle says:
I second what JT had to say. You strike me as incredibly strong.
I am so very sorry that Jackie got stuck. It’s unfair.
I think even when we all disagree on details, deep down, we all would just much rather live in a works without suffering and passion.
Giselle says:
I apologize. My phone didn’t show me the typos until after I submitte . I meant I’m sorry Jackie got sick, not stuck. And that we would all rather live in a world, not works, without suffering and pain, not passion. Do sorry.
Giselle says:
I apologize, Amanda. It was late and I shouldn’t let my emotions control what I say.
I feel very strongly about people’s individual rights and I get overly emotional when these things are discussed.
I value your opinion, as well as everyone else’s. I don’t think I’ll ever understand the thought process behind wanting to limit other people’s options just because I may not wish to ever exercise those options. But that doesn’t mean that I should let my emotions come through in a discussion like this.
If anyone wanted to explain to me how they justify taking away other people’s choice, I would actually be very interested in that. I haven’t found anyone that can explain it in a way that I can relate to. Pretty much all I’ve ever gotten is something about the bible saying its wrong. But that doesn’t answer my question. The bible saying something is wrong explains why someone would choose to not do it. It doesn’t address why they think it’s their place to limit someone else’s options that perhaps doesn’t believe in the bible (either not religious or a different religion with an altogether different bible-type book.
Anyway, sorry. Have a great Ellen’s.
Stephanie says:
I will never understand why some people believe they can dictate other people’s choices. Especially choices about their own BODY. The most personal aspect of a person’s life. Something that is truly and wholly 100% their own. Something that has absolutely NOTHING to do with ANYONE else. In what world does that ever make sense? We are so completely backwards here. This is not the question we should be asking ourselves: “Should a person be allowed to do [this] with their body?” But rather: “Why am I trying to determine what is right/wrong for someone other than myself?” We should ALL have a choice. And if I were terminally ill and suffering, I would want a goddamn choice.
Giselle says:
I agree with you. Completely. Where are the ‘like’ buttons?
Toni says:
I am fortunate enough to live in Oregon and am so proud to have passed this law. People fight it tooth and nails, but it is so important. Your dear friend Jackie should not have had to go go through all she did at the end. And Mamacita, you were very brave to voice your opinion. I am so very sorry for your loss.
GreenInOC says:
@Toni, I suspect I will move to Oregon some day with one of my top two reasons being the end-of-life laws in the state.
Suzanne L. says:
Just my two cents. I personally can’t imagine looking at someone I love and saying “Let me help you die.” Who knows how many joyful moments that person might have in the midst of their suffering? Laughs with friends or holding the hand of their husband, sister, mother or father. One last walk along the beach or swinging on the back porch. Why would you NOT want to help them experience every moment of their God-given life? I would rather say “If you don’t want treatment let’s enjoy your last healthy days together and when it gets bad I will help you be as comfortable as possible and hold your hand until it’s over.” I’ve seen suffering at the end of life with my father. He had pain, yes. But we also laughed, held hands, talked about old times. Forgave each other and said I love you. And ultimately let God decide when his time was.
GreenInOC says:
I’m sorry about the loss of your father.
I assume since God “decided”, he was at home, never took any medications, never had any interventions and no machines were ever used in his life or during his dying process?
Nobody would expect you to do anything. It’s about letting other people make choices that are best for them.
As I understand it, Oregon’s law allows for the ill to gain access to the medication necessary and that they must administer and take it themselves.
While I totally understand where you are coming from, what about the other side of what you are saying, “let me watch you suffer”.
Why would you NOT want to help them experience the best life that they have left possible knowing that they are being respected until the end that they have chosen?
I wouldn’t want to do it either but having experienced what I have, I would not put what I wanted above someone in pain, I would not find comfort in standing in the way of someone else’s choice.
Suzanne L. says:
In the end we are just coming from two different places and may never see eye to eye. Basically here is where I’m coming from…I believe there is one person/being (God) that gives life and takes it away. I also believe that I am not HIM and I don’t get to make that decision. I don’t claim to understand why some die young or suffer longer than others, why some are murdered, or die tragically. I struggle with it, and question God when those situations arise. But at the heart, taking a life (my own or someone else’s) is not our choice. If a person doesn’t believe in God (I’m not saying you don’t just a general comment here) and that he created every one of us for a purpose that only HE knows than it would be easy to say, okay I don’t want to suffer, please kill me or to offer to help someone kill themselves. And it makes me sad that she sees nothing else to gain…that she doesn’t have the same hope I have, and that she sees taking her life as her only option.
GreenInOC says:
Here’s the thing, nobody is asking you to make the decision.
It’s about choice and respecting people to make their own choices. Would you want someone to take the choice to do things that are best for your family, situation and beliefs away from you? I suspect not.
So then the opposite is true, why stand in someone’s way to do what they believe is right for their family, situation and beliefs?
If you believe that only God makes the decisions, then I assume you are a Christian Scientist and don’t go to the doctor or seek out any sort of medical treatments – ever? I am not bashing your beliefs, whatever they are (and you don’t need to justify them to me or anyone else). I would expect with that tenant comes a 100% faith in God and no medical treatments are used, no seat belts, no carseats, etc…
Getting back to purpose, can’t someone’s purpose be to educate, to change viewpoints, to bring peace to a family, to help their family grieve in a sacred way, to bring their family together and heal before they go? Why does “purpose” have to come from forced suffering, from the possibility of dying alone, in pain? (forced, meaning laws standing in the way)
Becki says:
Well said. And bottom line, just because you don’t believe in the God of the Bible, doesn’t mean He is wished away and doesn’t exist. (FYI – don’t flip the statement – way too much history, archeology, etc supporting Jesus, the Bible, etc.) Bottom line – He gave us free will and yes you all get to exercise that! He loves, cares for us, weeps when we die and welcomes us into His arms when we choose Him. And I DID watch my Dad suffer, and he was AWARE of his suffering but as I said,he was prolife to the end, and said “I do not want THAT” when we were crying together over his pain and losses and I asked if he meant suicide and he said yes. But yeah, we were given free will but that doesn’t mean all options are moral, ethical etc. And as Christians we are told to hold the standard or try to anyhow. And again – it is a slippery slope . .. who decides “the line”, or if the patient is even capable??? I have read many articles on Brittny and MANY are romanticizing this!!!! Would money be a factor? If bills were 500,000+ who’s to say THAT wouldn’t factor in someone’s decision. Too much gray. What effect does the suicide have on the family? The children? (Which was my Dad’s big concern as a coroner.) It won’t be decided in this forum – or ever until we pass over. He is with us in the Valley of the Shadow of Death and will help us through and restore our souls. I had no say in coming into the world, I will trust His wisdom as to how He takes me out. And pray for courage, and good doctors and good medicine.And fyi – there’s an 80% hit rate of breast cancer in my family so I am not just trilling rainbows.
Tricia Ferguson says:
What a wonderful, poignant post Heather. I, too, would want the choice given there was no hope for a cure. So many people are comparing “natural” death with “death with dignity” and how one is negating the other. That’s not the case at all. Both are dignified and brave in their own right and however a person chooses to die, it is because they made a choice to stop lifesaving/life-prolonging treatments. What is the difference adding medication that speeds up the process of death? This all boils down to choice and frankly, I want a choice should I be diagnosed with something as traumatic as cancer. When there is no hope, I want to know I have some sense of relief for the sake of my family.
Lorraine says:
This same cancer took my mother…..6 months from diagnosis to death. It is a horrible cancer. Her death, although devastating, was beautiful as many, many friends and family came from all over the US to say goodbye and to be with her. God Bless this young woman…..it is her choice.
Kristan says:
It’s so interesting that you posted this today, as (after watching Brittany’s video) I watched the documentary How to Die in Oregon earlier. It was probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever watched (movie/documentary-wise) and so, so powerful. I think it displays exactly what the Death with Dignity Act is all about and why it is so important. I’m still very confused as to why this isn’t an option in every state.
I think one of the points that stuck out to me the most was this – when our dear, loved pets are suffering from illness or end of life issues, we help to ease their pain by “putting them to sleep.” Why would we not offer a similar option to the people we love, or just people in general?
Jess says:
I read this. And all the comments. I wondered if my gran, who fought for 9 long months with leukemia, would’ve chosen to die with dignity. I agree though. This is a personal decision. and until you are faced with it, going through it, living it, you can’t speak about it. It’s not your body fighting. Not your spirit, not your life. I wouldn’t want someone making that decision for me. Why would I make that decision for them? I respect Brittany. This could not have been easy. I respect her attitude. I respect her for sharing her story. And how blessed she is to be surrounded by her family and friends when so many have no one. I wish her peace. And the dignity she is seeking.
Shea says:
Of course since I posted my comment early this morning I see there have been a few who have said they don’t agree with this because of their religion. That’s fine, I respect your right to believe what you want. But I do NOT believe your religion should dictate what others do. You don’t like physician assisted suicide? Then don’t do it. Problem solved. But like so many issues these days, people want to define the rules for everyone by their personal religious beliefs, and I’m over it. A close family member committed suicide, unfortunately because of severe depression — it was not a situation such as this. But some self-professed “Christian” people told his mother, “it’s too bad he won’t be able to go to heaven now.” There are no words to describe the anger I feel just thinking about that. I’m sick and tired of people trying to push their own religious beliefs on people who aren’t interested. If her decision makes you “sad”, then be sad. It’s a sad situation, and it’s really not your business how she deals with it. And there is no beauty in watching a loved one suffer.
C Los says:
Jackie had such a great presence about her.
There in lies the dilemma for me. I choose to remember the time spent with people in happiness. It is hard to watch family go through terminal illness. This young lady’s fight from Oregon is admirable. She has accomplished what she set to do; advocacy.
Lindsey says:
Loved the post Heather. I am a former high school classmate of Brittany’s and the cousin of a friend of Jackies. Your post was beautiful and so truthful. It is not our choice. We do not know their suffering. But we like to think that they, and maybe us one day, can have the choice to end their lives how they see fit whether it be slow and miserable in a hospital bed or quick and painless at home. I have faith and believe in God, but I also believe in the freedom of choice and that given less than 6 months to live and death being inescapable at that point I would love the choice to die with dignity! Either way, when it comes to Brittany: not my body, not my suffering, not my pain, NOT my choice.
Amy says:
Thankfully now MY choice to make.
I am beyond thrilled that Canada’s Supreme Court recently fought an appeal to make the ‘right to die’ legal and lost. I can breathe a sigh of relief. If ever I am facing a slow and painful death I have the RIGHT to end it if so I choose.
And this is about CHOICE.
Elaine says:
What it comes down to is that it is that person’s choice. My father had ALS and unfortunately hadn’t completed his advanced directive when he had a setback and had to be intubated, which was not what he wanted. Once on the respirator he had one bout of pneumonia after another, then a major infection. He’d made his wishes quite clear and when my mother asked him “Sooner rather than later?” he nodded and they stopped antibiotics. He passed away three days later, mercifully without seeing the ALS endgame of total dependence.
Others might have fought longer. I might even have fought longer. But it was my father’s life and his body and his choice. We were all spared watching him become completely helpless, and while I grieve his illness and death, I am grateful for that. My partner’s father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had surgery that prolonged his life, in a not bad way, for a year. But when the cancer recurred he said no to chemo and suffered a merciful stroke a few months later to pass away without much debilitation. I am grateful that all of us, especially him, was spared that cancer end game.
The choice should be available for those who want it. It’s that simple.
Connie says:
I don’t understand it and as a pro-life person I cannot condone someone taking their own life. And whether you want to call it “suicide” or “death with dignity” is a matter of semantics. I am terribly sorry for this young woman and her family but I don’t view her as courageous or as someone who should be looked up to. I can’t imagine having to pull the plug, stop feeding or stopping any other life sustaining measures. And who is to say what quality of life is and who should live or die? Why is someone choosing to die looked upon as courageous? How come we want to celebrate this kind of decision? I don’t want anyone to suffer through a terrible illness. But I am scared for a country that has gone so far in the other direction that we celebrate being able to end our baby’s life through an abortion or championing a 29 year old who plans to kill herself. I am very scared for our country.
JT says:
Who’s to say what quality of life is? The person who’s dying, who’s in pain and knows its only going to get worse.
God gave us free will. God also have us scientists who have invented treatments to prolong life and ways to end it on your terms. I wish to God that some day we will live in a world where we don’t have to make these kind of choices, where we have a cure for GBM.
Giselle says:
Connie,
I think this topic and abortion are two completely different scenarios and cases. I won’t get into abortion because that is a whole separate discussion and we could all talk about it for hours!
This case is about someone that is an adult that is facing certain death. A death that will be excruciatingly painful and difficult. She knows there is zero chance that she could go through the suffering and perhaps survive. She will die, period. So she’s choosing to do it on her terms. When she’s ready. Before it gets unbearably bad.
I’m not sure what it is that is difficult to grasp for some people. It just seems so clear to me. She doesn’t want to live through an unknown period of hell which will only be relieved when she dies.
If given the option, I don’t think that I can understand why anyone would prefer to suffer.
The best way to explain it that I can come up with is imagine if everyone got notice they were going to die prior to it happening. And basically the notice would explain that you will go downhill from now. The pain and suffering will get progressively worse, with no relief, until your body can’t take it anymore and you pass away. With the notice you also get an option to either live through the agony until your body gives in, or, once it becomes more painful than you can handle you can choose to just end it a bit early. The result is the same. The only difference is that the person can choose to not experience the very worst.
We are not applauding suicide. This is completely different. It’s not, for example, a situation where she killed herself as soon as she found out she was sick without knowing the probable outcome or something like that. This is just choosing to ‘skip’ the most horrible time and still ending up with the same result.
GreenInOC says:
@Connie, you ask “Why is someone choosing to die looked upon as courageous?”
I ask, why is forcing people to suffer through unimaginable pain something to celebrate?
My sister died of cancer, alone, after 9 days of unconsciousness in the hospital. Alone. I still can’t believe how horrible that is.
If she hadn’t died that day, the next day they would have amputated her legs because they were so infected with gangrene that the infection “would kill her”. Yes, that’s what the doctors and hospital were insisting.
They also let us know that her arms would be next, and they would continue cutting off body parts to “save” her. I can’t even imagine the pain of cancer eating you up, not being able to communicate and then trying to recover from a major surgery. If defies logic. How is that not doing harm?
She was alone because we kept a 24-hour vigil for about 4 days but unfortunately, people have to go back to work. I couldn’t take off any more time since my Dad had had a stroke about 3 years previous and I was already waaaay beyond taking days off (after a while, your boss doesn’t care he isn’t paying, he cares that work isn’t being done).
She died just over a year after her husband passed away after 7 years (that’s not a typo – YEARS), of being sick in bed, suffering from severe dementia and the physical ailments that piled on. My sister drove 75 miles each way, every single day to be with him. He died alone, without the love of his life beside him. Again, this man who was so loved died alone. That isn’t courageous, that’s a travesty.
6 weeks after my sister died, my Dad died. He had had a stroke 3 years earlier, but knowing that his first baby girl was suffering so much was too much for him. He declined rapidly after her death.
He was unconscious for nearly the last two weeks of his life. The next step was going to be transporting him to a long-term care facility that was a 2.5 hour trip one-way. He would have surely died alone. My Dad loved nothing more than his family and it would have been the biggest regret of my life if had died alone.
I miss him every day. That does not mean though that what I saw as he was dying – horrifying images that I will never be able to forget – as “courageous”. I see it instead as an immense failure watching this man who loved all of us so fiercely and would have done anything to protect us and we weren’t able to do the same.
If instead the doctors would have been able to administer a drug that would have helped him to pass peacefully that would have allowed ALL of his family to be in the room with him and for him not to have suffered horrifically like he did that would have been a blessing.
I will though be able to help my pets have a peaceful death when the time comes. Why is that?
There was a time in my life when I couldn’t imagine “pulling the plug” or helping someone but even then, I was never under the impression that my feelings should prevent someone else from doing what was right for them.
I am scared for the people of our country when their rights to do what is best for themselves and their families are continually impeded from people forcing their beliefs on others.
Samantha says:
I am scared for the people of our country when their rights to do what is best for themselves and their families are continually impeded from people forcing their beliefs on others.
So well said! I love that! I was raised catholic but unfortunately it was such a miserable experience for me, I don’t practice. I mostly believe in treating people the way you want to be treated, Im sure that some of those being so negative wouldn’t want others to be negative if it was their situation.
Amy says:
This is about CHOICE. Your choice should not effect my right to make MINE.
Becki says:
Dying cancer victim begs Brittany Maynard not to end her life
http://abc7.com/society/dying-cancer-victim-begs-brittany-maynard-not-to-end-her-life/343886/
Cindy says:
Hi Heather,
I’m so glad you posted about this. As soon as I read about this young woman, I immediately thought of Jackie (and you). How brave and generous of Brittany to use this opportunity to reach out to other people and educate them. And how lucky she is to have her family’s support.
Jolene says:
I have read all of the comments and have shaken my head at few, and cocked my head a couple. I understand everyone has a “story” everyone has an opinion on where they stand on this. I am bothered that some are viewing Brittany’s decision as “suicide”. Makes me wonder if those people know what suicide is and what drives a person to suicide. Well, I do. and I can tell you it is an ENTIRELY different animal than what Brittany is choosing to do. I don’t see Brittany as being depressed, mentally unstable or any of the other descriptive words to describe a person with a mental disability. She wants to live. BUT she is going to die. This is not her choice. She DID NOT choose to get cancer, She DID NOT choose for this. What she is choosing, is how she wants to live, how she wants to enjoy her last moments in the sun. Who are we to sit in judgement of others? Who are we to point fingers and say how another person chooses to live their life (THAT HAS NOTHING to do with us and ZERO effect on our lives)? How can a woman on here comment that this is like “celebrating abortion”? Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell does that even mean? Who celebrates something like that? Let’s not even get started on the fact that, THAT is no ones business and should stay between a woman, HER vagina and HER doctor. Anyway, the beauty of our lives is that we have the freedoms to choose. We have the ability to speak our opinion’s. And remember, opinion’s are like assholes, everyone has one.
Katrina says:
I can’t understand how it is anyone’s business if and when an adult person should decide to end his/her own life. If you end someone else’s life, well then, THAT is wrong. But your own? Why not? Can’t I do what I want with my own body? I choose which medications to use, I choose to pierce my ears or not, I choose when and if I want to go to the doctor….so then, when I get the diagnosis of a brain tumor that is not curable and will cause me great pain and troubles, why can’t I choose to end my own life? I guess I never really understood the argument to this.
Christa says:
Thank you for writing this. Someone on my facebook shared the Matt Walsh post (who always sends me into fits). We passed the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing last week and so this hit especially close to home. My mother and her friends used to joke about wanting their kids to take them to the vet and put them down when they got to a certain point. And so, I am SO thankful that my firecracker of a mother was given the decision to NOT have a surgery that would have given her another week. Instead, she spent her last conscious hours cracking jokes about “getting this show on the road” and ironically telling my brother and I to stay out of trouble (since she wouldn’t be there for the principal to call) while we waited for the pharmacy to bring the morphine that would send her to unconsciousness. And while I believe she would have been given that choice outside of Washington, I’m very thankful that it was not something that we even needed to worry or care about. The only thing I wish we’d done was played “Tits and Ass” at one of her services like she had once jokingly chosen as the song she wanted played at her funeral.
Ally says:
As a hospice nurse I could go on about this for days. It’s amazing and I don’t understand why every state doesn’t have these laws in place. If you can sign onto hospice and basically stop all treatment and use only comfort medications and measures…why is it not feasible to have a program that is basically the same thing…except for the amazing opportunity for the patient to have control over his/life and his/her disease for what could be the first and last time.
It’s unfortunate that people equate this with suicide. These people are dying. Not later, not eventually, not peacefully…but soon and they will suffer. I am so thankful that Brittany and her family were strong enough to go public and to really bring it forward.