To lead a better life I need my love to be here…
I used to sing that Beatles song to you when you were in the NICU. Not being able to spend every moment with you when you were so fragile and new was unimaginably difficult. I wanted you to be with me, always, and that will never change.
This is the second April 7th, two years since I last touched you, and honestly Maddie, it’s so much harder. Everyone told me the first year was going to be hard. And it was, dealing with all the “firsts” without you. But no one told me how hard the second year would be. I still wake up every day hoping it’s been a dream, hoping that you’re not gone. Instead, each day takes me further away from you. Each morning is a punch in the gut.
I’m starting to worry that I might forget intangibles. The things I can’t use words to illustrate – exactly how your voice sounded. The way you sat on my hip. The gentle way you’d touch my face. How you felt in my arms.
A couple months ago I changed the color of my hair. I didn’t tell anyone this, because I felt silly, but I almost didn’t do it because I was afraid you wouldn’t recognize me with different hair. You always knew me as having dark hair. I didn’t want to change how you knew me. I know it doesn’t make sense. But really, very little makes sense to me.
Annie is walking now, like a drunk little crazy person. You would spend so much time laughing at her and with her, with us. The other day she saw a little girl who was about two and a half or three, and she was rapt. Seeing how she worships older girls shows me how she would have idolized you, followed you around, and probably annoyed you like a proper little sister. I don’t hold any notions that you would have been especially patient with her, but I do know you would have been an amazing big sister, just as you are an amazing daughter.
I am always going to be haunted by those last few days, always second-guess myself, wonder what could have been done differently. I close my eyes and I’m back in that PICU, the one that seemed so big until it was crammed full of doctors and nurses. It’s a constant fight for me to push those images aside, but on this day, I refuse to let myself “go there.” I need to remember you as you were, and imagine you as you should have been.
So today, when I close my eyes, I’ll picture you leading a parade, with Annie and Rigby close behind and your daddy and me bringing up the rear.
I love you forever, and ever, and ever.
…love never dies…
Here, there, and everywhere
here, there and everywhere.
Lisa says:
May your day be filled with lobe and memories of both of your beautiful daughters. Know you and they are loved by thousands. (((hugs)))
Megan, Undomestic Diva says:
Love you. Love Maddie. Forever & always.
Magda says:
I only have the simplest of words. Love you! Love Maddie !
pamela says:
“Here, making each day of the year… changing my life with a wave of her hand”
this song is forever going to remind me of your sweet Maddie.
Debra @ A Frugal FRiend says:
The thought of that parade sounds wonderful…..I hope it can make you smile today. Sometimes those kind of thoughts are so comforting….
Hugs and know so many of us are thinking of you all today
Elle says:
My heart goes out to you. I know Maddie is so proud of her mama, sister, and dad. The love she has for you is just brimming in the pictures I’ve seen.
Christine Hendricks says:
Thinking of you on this day and my heart is with you as it is every time I read your words.
Yolanda says:
i don’t have enough words.
i don’t have any words.
i have so many words.
i was here two years ago, and i didn’t believe it then.
love love love.
also…. matt lauer tramp stamp.
yolanda says:
and i love all the toothy smiles in this pic.
Veronika says:
I’m thinking of you and your entire family on this day. I’m missing Maddie with you. And I wish so desperately things could have been different. {{ hugs }}
Lisa says:
Remembering the incredible Maddie with you today. I hope you find love and peace in the knowledge that she touched so many hearts, affected so many lives. Who couldn’t be taken in by those golden curls and those glowing blue eyes. I will always have a small purple place in my heart just for Maddie.
Surrounding you in peace and love and holding you extra tight today, and always. Love and hugs sweet mama, love and hugs.
Homa says:
Thinking of you and your family right now. Hang in there.
Katie says:
That is one beautiful parade right there…
Gemini-Girl says:
I never told you this.
When I bought Maddie’s present for her first birthday, the package never arrived.
I called the woman on etsy to let her know that it never came, she felt horrible and sent me a new one.
I sent you the present.
Then, two weeks later the original package arrived.
I meant to send it, but never got around to it.
Months passed.
Maddie passed.
And suddenly that package was something i was never going to return.
I too have the same doll, with Madeline Alice stitched on the doll’s delicate belly.
It sits in the girls room.
Whenever I pass it, I think of her.
I think of how, in some way.. she is watching over her soul sisters.
always and forever.
I wish I could be there, holding your hand. helping you even a tiny little bit, get through this horrible ride. A never ending ride. The ride sometimes goes very fast, and other times it slows down- but you can never get off of it.
Just know that she is loved.
That her short life made a difference.
That I miss her everyday.
I’ve loved her for years and will never stop.
Today, I will light a candle in her memory, and ask her to help her Mommy and Daddy get through this time.
I love you.
RzDrms says:
Wow. This comment encompasses everything I was composing in my mind…and SO, so much more. What a fantastic compilation of words. I don’t want to say “I’m sorry;” I *want* to say, “I can fix this!” But I can’t. I can’t fix it, but I can say, Heather, that your words and feelings touch me and stay with me daily. I’ve known my own most horrible pain; I imagine it was 1,000th of yours, and that makes me so sad. I want to fix this. But I know her soul will live within you forever. Thank you for creating someone who’s touched more lives than most.
Kim says:
Words just aren’t enough today. Thinking of all of you.
Delenn says:
Thinking of youall, wishing each time it was different. Hugs.
lisaj says:
Thinking of you.
Thinking of Mike and Annie.
And always thinking of sweet Maddie.
Tara says:
Prayers and peace for you all, especially today. God bless Maddie
nicol says:
Ditto. ((((HUGS))))
Courtney says:
Though no words could even begin to fill that gaping hole in your hearts, I hope that our words at least bring you the comfort of knowing you are *never* alone. Maddie was so clearly a bright and beautiful girl – will remember her always.
Rachel says:
Thinking of you. Remembering Maddie Always.
Sue says:
You will never, ever, be forgotten, beautiful Maddie…………………
AmazingGreis says:
2 years ago I cried for a family I’d never met.
Today I cry for a family I consider great friends.
A day does not pass that Maddie is not in my thoughts, but today, today I will think of her more often!! I will remember that smile and her curls and the love that radiated from her tiny little body.
Today I will think of you, Mike and Annie. I wish I could do more. I wish I could be there for you in person. Just know that I am here for you today, tomorrow and ALWAYS!!
Love you! XOXO
Michelle says:
Thinking of you.
Jennifer says:
What a tribute! What a lucky girl to call you Mommy. I remember hearing about Maddie on twitter and blogs but I never really “knew” her until this morning. I sat down at this desk laughing and as I read my laugh turned to tears. I am sorry. What a beautiful girl. How lucky heaven is to have her. I will pray for you today, Heather. And your family. May that beautiful Maddie smile bring you a moment of peace today.
Love,
Jennifer
Heather says:
I wish I had works to bring back even a moment of peace for your family.
Amanda says:
a candle has been lit for Maddie.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=13073823
This sucks.
Amanda.
Alison says:
Thinking of you all today. xxx
Elizabeth says:
Much love. Thinking of you.
Jenni Williams says:
There will never be enough words to tell you how sorry I am or how much we all love Maddie too. My thoughts are with your family today and of course I will be wearing purple.
Erica says:
What a beautiful post, dearest Heather and I can just see your precious Maddie in front with Annie, Rigby, you and Mike behind. I can hear her laugh and see the sparkle in her eyes.
My little girl and I are wearing purple today in honour of your Maddie. We are thinking of you all and sending you much love from afar. We will always remember your precious Maddie, we think about her every day.
Lots and lots of love from your friends in Luxembourg
marslo says:
Thinking of all of you today and wishing you peace.
Molly says:
Beautiful post, Heather.
Love to you and your family…hugs to all of you…prayers, too. Maddie is so special…
Nellie says:
Today I send up prayers and thoughts that God’s love and grace gently surround you and your family. No anniversary, nor day is ordinary when you’ve lost a precious and beloved child or person in your life. You are loved as you have loved and continue to love your beautiful Madeline.
May an angel’s kiss bring you solace on this incredibly hard day.
Jenny says:
Best wishes that the day is filled with sweet memories and dreams of Maddie. I hope that a good memory imprint will come rushing back when you need it. It’s still “not enough” (how could it be?) but I believe that you carry your loved ones with you in your heart. Our family friends lost a daughter that we were very connected to. I think of her often. In quiet moments I have actually seen little signs pop up, usually just when I think of her. It may sound kooky but it gives me comfort and reminds me that she remains near, always in our hearts. Best wishes that you feel that same peaceful nearness with Maddie.
I am holding your family in my prayers.
sarah says:
Hugs and Prayers. Hoping you can find a little bit of peace today.
kalen says:
Magnificent Maddie
cj says:
thinking of your beautiful family. i’m so sorry.
JP says:
I’ve read your blog a long time now, although this is my first comment. I personally found the first two years brutal, but the third gets easier. Not easy, but easier. I hope you both find the same. This will always be a hard time of year …. she is such an amazing child, your Maddie
Claire says:
Thinking of you and your family today. I’ve been following your blog since just after Maddie passed away and I still cry reading your words. She was so so lucky to have parents as amazing as you and Mike.
jessica says:
Thinking of you today. My heart is breaking reading what you wrote! I know there are no words to make it better b/c words cannot bring your daughter back to you! Take care of yourself Heather!~
Jamie says:
Love, peace, and blessings to you all.
Mijke says:
Just dropping by to give you all a great big hug and to let you know I’m thinking about Maddie today. Trying to imagine her leading the wonderful parade you described…
I hope your day will be filled with wonderful memories, and that those will be strong enough to soften the blow of those horrible last ones…
Adventures In Babywearing says:
So many peaceful, loving, happy thoughts sent your way today. May you feel her with you more than ever.
Steph
aubrey says:
(((((HUG))))) to all of you. That’s about all I can give you for today. I totally understand your debate over coloring your hair though. My grandfather passed away 32 years ago and last year when his 4 kids sold his and my grandmas house my mom just called and said “How will my dad find me?” She kept asking me over and over. And I just told her. “He will always know where you are because he is always watching.” So Heather Madeline will always know who you are because she is always watching. love you guys. Hug Annie extra tight today and remember all the wonderful days and moments you had with Madeline
Lyndsay Cool Legumes says:
You are all in my thoughts and prayers today and other days when I just send up a simple wish that you’re finding a way to smile – even if it’s just while thinking of a special moment you and Maddie shared before the sadness washes over.
Maddie is loved. Sweet angel.
xoxo
vickie says:
Thinking of you & your family. I wish i had some helpful and healing words.
I will say this though – this whole blog has inspired and guided me to be a better mother. I wandered onto this site not long before Maddie passed & got such a kick out of your sweet, funny family. The aftermath of Maddie’s death has taught me to more deeply appreciate every single day, every single moment with my daughter.
I hope someday the pain will lessen and smiles will come more easily.
Sending love and hugs from across the country.
Megan says:
Oh Heather, I’m so sorry. I have no other words. I’m holding off on reading Mike’s because I’m already sitting here at work with tears rolling down my face.
You guys are in my thoughts every day but especially today.
Jessica says:
I was pulled to wear purple today – and I realize now why. Your precious Maddie will always be remembered by so many of us who only know her via your website. What a sweet sweet girl. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jamie says:
When we moved away from our old house, I had trepidation because how would my Mom be able to find me then. If worrying Maddie wouldn’t recognize you with a new hair color makes you weird, then I’m weird too.
I’m so sorry.
Daisy says:
I’m wearing purple today for Maddie, and you. It is my little way of sending you some support as you make it through this week. Much love.
Kerri says:
Long time reader, but I have never posted before today. I wish I could say something to ease your pain. Maddie has touched so many lives and she will never, ever be forgotten. Thinking of you and holding you, Mike, Annie and your family in my heart today.
Kristen says:
I will be thinking of Maddie’s beautiful smile today.
MS says:
Love to you all. Thinking of Maddie today and always. Your internet aunties miss you, sweet girl.
Alice says:
You are a family always, even with Madeline not physically here. As you add to your family and it changes, she will always be the big sister, the first daughter. She will always be the tiny, beautiful little girl that we all love without ever having met. I’m sorry you and Mike will always have to suffer because she isn’t here anymore. I’m so, so sorry. But two years on and none of us have forgotten or ever will forget your ltitle girl. We walk behind you in your grief and the path is paved with purple.
Rest in peace, sweet Madeline Alice. Smiling at the sky for you today.
Jen says:
Thinking of you, Mike and Annie today! I hope that within this sad day that you can find and have the smiles to remember your beautiful girl! Although I am just a reader and don’t know your family, I know that Maddie was amazing and her memory will live on forever!
Sending you hugs and love
Jen
Mary says:
I sent Hadley to school in purple today. For Maddie, for you, for your family. Although I only “know” you through here, I mourn with you all as if you are my closest friends. I think we all do. So know that you aren’t going through this day, or any others, alone. We can’t shoulder the burden for you and no one can really walk the path, but I’ve said before that we’re lining your path and will move the rocks so you don’t trip, fill the holes so you don’t fall, and lift you back up when you’re ready to go.
Angie says:
I have been with your family since Maddy was a newborn,,,It dosn’t seem 2 yrs.I miss her smiles you would post her pictures,I miss your Maddy post,,,,I miss her too.
I love her too.
keri says:
Hugs, Love and peace today and everyday, Heather, Mike, Maddie, Annie & Rigby
Rory says:
Thinking of you all. Today marks 6 years since my girl left us. After she passed, a friend made me a bracelet using crystals in our birthstone colors. Mine is February, so therefore, purple. I am wearing it along with my favorite purple shirt in honor of my daughter and Maddie today.
RzDrms says:
Hugs to you, Rory.
Chantelle says:
Thinking of you all today.
Rumour Miller says:
I wish Maddie’s story had a different ending. My heart aches for you across all these miles, internet sites, state lines and country borders. I’ve never met you and I probably never will but your story has touched my life. It fills my heart with sorrow knowing that there is someone out there who is hurting so very much.
I can understand how you wouldn’t want anything to change. How it can feel like letting her go. I guess in a way it is but she lives on in your heart and in your memories. She lives on in your stories and all that you share with us.
My heart is aching for you today, my friend. Praying for strength and peace for you and Mike.
Ms. Moon says:
For the third year in a row on this day, the light in my yard, so far from yours, is somehow brighter and more beautiful than any other day of the year.
C ramirez says:
I will be thinking of you and your family!! Hugs to you!!
Emily says:
Praying, crying, and grieving with you today.
Janeen says:
That sums it up of how I feel today, too. I know you just want the day/week to be over- everyday is hard but these are the hardest.
I went to find my purple shirt today to wear to work and dismayed that it wasn’t as clean as it should’ve been. I opted for the yellow, in honor of the yellow dress post from a few days ago. Purple or yellow, it’s all for Maddie.
Anon says:
I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry when I read this, but just imagining what you had to go through losing your little girl is horrific and I am so so deeply and terribly sorry for your loss, and I know that doesn’t mean shit, but it’s all I can do. Rest in peace, Maddie.
Tiffani says:
My heart breaks for you all today. I wish I could offer some comfort or just something to make things better for you, but there are no words.
Hugs, great big giant virtual hugs.
Ninabi says:
Keeping you and your loved ones in my heart today.
bessie.viola says:
No, love never dies… and the memories will always be alive, primarily in your heart and in those hearts of all the thousands of people her smile touched. Sending love and wearing purple today, remembering a beautiful girl.
Janie says:
The hair coloring thing? I totally get. I lost someone very close to me and thought twice when I decided to change my hair color. It was how they knew me and how I looked when I saw them last. I thought I was strange for feeling this way.
Sara says:
I am so sorry Heather. I hope that God will bless you with his grace today and that Maddie will be able to convey to you through some way a message of hope and happiness on this profoundly sad day. She was a beautiful child who has touched and affected lives she never knew. Thank you for sharing your story with us and helping us to all be aware of the blessings around us.
wa says:
i am also grieving with you today. i’m so sorry. this is so sad.
praying for your family.
Lish says:
I love that visual of the parade. Brings tears to my eyes. You are a wonderful mother, Heather. We all flock here every day because we love you and your family so much. Please know you are in my thoughts always and especially today. xoxoxoxoxo
Jana A says:
Sending you and Mike and Annie so much love today. And OMG I can’t believe somebody else felt that way about coloring their hair. I did the SAME thing. I thought I was crazy, but I guess we’re not. Love you bunches.
feefifoto says:
I have no words. Wish I did.
Lisa_in_WI says:
Hugs to you and your family on this day.
Rashmi says:
No words of mine would comfort you…but just wanted you to know that your family is in my thoughts today and everyday. Your sweet Maddie will always be remembered.
Becca says:
We love Maddie too. XOXO
Jenn says:
OOhhh Sweetie….when I read the part of your post where you were afraid to dye your hair in case Maddie wouldn’t recognize you, I cried right out loud.
OOOhh Heather…Maddie is ALWAYS going to know who you are – even if you had NO hair at all. Like you with her, she knows your smell, your touch, your presence. The love you and Maddie shared is too deep to ever die!!! As much as you carry her with you, she carries you with her. Don’t you see? You’re her mama. She will ALWAYS know, ALWAYS LOVE You, and also feel your presence…just like you do to her.
Today, we will celebrate the life and mourn the loss of your sweet, incredible Maddie. And, we will be forever thankful YOU have so selflessly shared your little girl with us. I for one know I am a much better person for having not only known but loved not only Maddie but also you, Mike and Annie. And Heather….I will ALWAYS be so grateful for that!!!
Sending you and Mike many hugs, much love and endless friendship and support!!!
One small step at a time my friend…one small step at a time.
My love & friendship ALWAYS!!
Jenn xoxo
Jaedeanne says:
Lots of prayers for you and your family today.
Heather says:
There are no words, Heather. You, Mike, Annie and your extended families are in my heart and my prayers today.
amanda says:
Love you all so so much.
Last night, I thought to myself, “I have to remember to wear purple tomorrow for Maddie.”
This morning I had forgotten, put a black shirt on, didn’t like how it looked, and put another shirt on instead. It wasn’t until I was driving into work that, without realizing it, I did end up wearing purple for Maddie. And it made me happy.
I can’t imagine your pain, Heather. To be honest, I try not to put myself there – because I know I would spiral. But today, when you talked about the way Maddie would touch your face, I thought about the very specific way my three-year-old holds my face and my ear (that’s her comfort thing), and it tore my heart apart to think I wouldn’t experience that again.
THis is not to say I know how you feel – I sure don’t. But, without knowing you, I love you and your family from afar, and hope with everything I have that you make it through today OK.
Love to Maddie the most.
Rachel says:
Thinking of your family today.
red pen mama says:
Heather, my thoughts are with you and Mike today. You will *always* have your memories of her. And she lives on in the stars, in your hearts — in all of our hearts. Maddie has touched so many people. Be at peace knowing how loved she is.
Candice says:
I am so sorry you guys are hurting so much. Madeline is the most beautiful angel there is. It’s times like these I sincerely hope there is a heaven so that you are in fact getting closer to Maddie. She is very loved by us all and I hope that brings you some comfort!!
Elizabeth says:
May your family’s day be filled with happy thoughts of Maddie. She is missed all around the world. My thoughts and love are with you and your family today.
Kim says:
“A couple months ago I changed the color of my hair. I didn’t tell anyone this, because I felt silly, but I almost didn’t do it because I was afraid you wouldn’t recognize me with different hair. You always knew me as having dark hair. I didn’t want to change how you knew me. I know it doesn’t make sense. But really, very little makes sense to me.”
I did the same thing when I cut my hair. When Emma was a baby, my hair was long. When Seth was 6 months old, i chopped it off. I was terrified that she wouldn’t recognize me. I knew it was irrational, but it was how I felt and I completely understand your statement there babe.
Every anniversary SUUUUUCKS. They all hurt they are all hard. I am just warning you right now. I have had 7 of them and every one of them is terrible.
I wish I could have known Maddie. I first met her days after her death. My heart broke for parents who suddenly had a silent house. My heart broke for parents who had laundry to do, toys to pick up, and no children to wear or play with them. My heart broke for parents who were suddenly thrust into the world I had been living for 5 years.
My heart still breaks and always will.
I love you, Mike, Maddie, Annie and Rigby. You all are in my thoughts and prayers today, and always.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kate says:
I posted yesterday but once again, I’m so sorry. I wish there was something more I could say. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be thinking of you, Mike, Annie and Maddie.
Also, I’m wearing purple for Maddie today. I’ve got on a great purple sweater and some rockin’ purple sparkly earrings that I thought Maddie would love.
Jana says:
Remembering your little angel today. Maddie’s sweet face brought a smile to my face today. Sending you love on this hard day.
lauren says:
thinking of your family…
Tracy says:
I wear purple today. I never wear purple, but today I found some purple.
I don’t know you or Mike but have been so touched by your family every since I heard about you on Twitter two years ago.
There is nothing I can say, so I will simply wear purple and make a small gift to Friends of Maddie today. And hope that in some very small way it helps you to know that you are supported…even by strangers.
kate says:
Thinking of your family.
Katie says:
I have little to offer besides frosting, but know that I am sending love and strength to you today and always. You are the bravest person I know, I just wish you didn’t need to be.
If you need me, I’m not far away and I’ll be there.
Bopril says:
Prayers, hugs and good thoughts to all of you. I am so very sorry, and I wish there were more I could say.
Jess says:
I don’t know what to say. Just that I love you all. And I’m wearing my Maddie bracelet today.
Alicia says:
I am so sorry.
Momma Lioness Michele says:
Love never dies…I hope these words bring you and your family some small bit of comfort today. My heart and thoughts are with you, Mike, Annie, Rigby, your extended family, and of course with Maddie today. Wishing you peace from across the country.
Melissa says:
She will always be with you. She loves you too.
Priya says:
I am so sorry Heather….thinking of you, Mike and Annie today. Thank you for sharing your Maddie with us.
Nikki says:
Thinking of you. Thinking of Maddie. Thinking of creampuffs and the indelible ways to celebrate her life and legacy.
and ((hugs))
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Caressa says:
I’ve never lost a child, but I lost my mom when I was 20. I was terrified that I’d forget her voice. Sometimes I find myself searching frantically for the rewind, play button in my head that holds her voice and only finding the one that plays her cough. That damn cough. But, inevitably, if I sit quietly and think of her, it’s her voice that always comes back. It’s not a lot. It’s not her. But it’s something.
I’m so, so sorry you guys lost Maddie. I don’t know what else to say. She was beautiful.
kate says:
Gah, I wish there was more I could say. This sucks, totally sucks, every single thing about it. I am so sorry that your Maddy Moo isn’t here with you, but I know she is with you everyday just in a different way. Which still totally sucks that she isn’t here playing with Rigby and Annie. Hugs all around. Love, Kate
Kristi says:
Sweet Maddie made such an impact on the world and she will never be forgotten. I’m so grateful that you have shared her story with us and you let us into your world. Mike and you are in my thoughts and prayers!
Amy says:
You are all in my heart today, Heather and Mike and Annie and Maddie. A beautiful family.
Mrs. Wilson says:
Sending love to you and Mike and Annie today as you miss your incredibly beautiful little Maddie.
Tami says:
I was here reading when Maddie was a baby up until the time God took her. I miss Maddie!! All I can say is My heart breaks for all of you!!
I wish I had the magic wand to change things and bring her back. I know she would of Loved Annie. I can see her kissing her all the time and being so Kind, and it just breaks my heart.:(
Hugs to you all,
cindy w says:
Thinking of you, Mike, Annie, and of course Maddie today. (And always.) xoxo
Minnyc says:
You’re in my thoughts…
robin says:
Thinking of your family today, and everyday. What a beautiful post for a beautiful girl from a beautiful mom.
Laura says:
I can’t stop thinking of Maddie today. The sky is beautiful and blue today in DC and I think of her eyes. I see yellow and purple everywhere. It’s like I am blind to any other colors. It warms my heart. I don’t know you, Heather, but please know that your beautiful girl is shining light on our corner of the world.
BuenoBaby says:
I hope you feel God holding you in his arms today and everyday.
Allison M. says:
Thinking about you guys today and always. I am proudly wearing purple today!
Megan@TrueDaughter says:
Praying for you.
Zakary says:
Sending you peace and love and this hard day and thinking of your gorgeous girl.
jessica harrison says:
My thoughts and prayers are with you all today, and everyday. My heart hurts for you all and I wish there was something we could all do to make it better. She is such a beautiful little girl. Hugs and love to you all from MO.
Donna P says:
Love you always, Maddie. I’ve planted purple flowers in your memory and today am wearing purple in your honor.
Hugs to your wonderful parents, Heather and Mike. My heart goes out to you today.
Cricky says:
When my Nicholas passed, I thought I had to keep myself frozen in that place so I wouldn’t lose a second of his existence.
Now, 9 years later, I still feel the weight of his body in my arms. I still smell his milky, sweet baby scent. I still hear his cries and giggles.
Even if time does take the edge off some of the memories, they will never go away.
I hope you are able to find peace in your heart today. I know it’s never going to be better but I trust that it will become peaceful.
I pray that God blesses you, Mike, Maddie and Annie today and always.
Liz says:
Any words I could muster just seem inadequate on a day like today.
Thinking of you all. I hope you can feel all of the love wrapped around you on this horrible anniversary and always.
Laurie SL says:
Maddie is and will always be one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts & stories, even though it is difficult. Many thoughts, hugs & prayers to you today.
April says:
Thoughts and prayers have been with you all week! Thought of Maddie and all of you first thing this morning!
Sending love and positive thoughts!
Katie says:
Your strength and wisdom are beautiful to behold. I only wish they didn’t have to come from such unbearable pain. I am remembering Madeline today with her beautiful smile, long lashes, bright eyes, happy laugh, and profoundly lasting presence.
Diana Horn says:
Thinking of you and Mike and Annie. I have no words that can ease your pain but I wish for only beautiful memories of her to fill hearts and minds on this day. Praying for your family’s continued healing.
Mandy says:
I went to bed thinking of you, woke up thinking of you, and dreamed of your precious Maddie. I never met her but in my dream I had the pleasure of snuggling her warm little self in my arms and breathing in her beautiful blonde curls. She has changed my life, for the better and she has made me a better mother to my daughter. For that I am grateful and for you, I weep.
Lisa says:
Thinking of you and your family on this difficult day. Maddie is smiling down on you all. Lisa
MelissaG says:
I know sorry is not enough but I so am. Thank you for sharing your heart on this space. I miss your precious daughter and I never knew her….I can’t even imagine.
Jenny Grace says:
Love to you all.
Love to Maddie.
Never forgotten.
Brooke says:
We all grieve both for you and and with you today. God bless.
Kristin says:
Much love, thoughts and prayers to you all, for you all.
Kathryn in Berlin says:
Thinking of you today and everyday, but especially today (heart)
Because I know you love the color purple and it’s Maddies’s color, this poem popped into my mind today and I wanted to share it with you. It’s been a long time favorite of mine. I only changed one thing. In the poem, the girl’s name is Adeline…I changed it to Madeline. I hope you’re able to put some purple sunglasses on today. xoxoxxoox
Granpa Dropped His Glasses
Leroy F. Jackson
Granpa dropped his glasses once
In a pot of dye,
And when he put them on again
He saw a purple sky.
Purple fires were rising up
From a purple hill,
Men were grinding purple cider
at a purple mill.
Purple MAdeline was playing
With a purple doll;
Little purple dragon flies
Were crawling up the wall.
And at the supper-table
He got crazy as a loon
From eating purple apple dumplings
With a purple spoon.
Bridget says:
Thinking of you on this terrible anniversary.
Sarah Almeida says:
This helped my family when we were/are dealing with our loved ones loss….
May you find comfort… Love us.
Miss Me But Let Me Go
Author: Anonymous
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want to rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little-but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me-but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the Master’s plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me but let me go.
Sharon says:
Thinking of you all today.
Be well,
Gale says:
No words. Just my deepest condolences and most fervent prayers. Love and hugs to you.
Julie says:
Heather & Mike,
My tears began to fall for you before your web page even came up today. It was two years ago that I learned of you, and of beautiful Maddie. I have come back every day since to share your grief and your joys This is my first comment but I just wanted you to know that my heart is with you.
Julie
Snickrsnack Katie says:
That was so beautifully and eloquently written… yet I am sure it cannot even begin to express how sad you are… Thinking about you, Heather and Mike. I just know deep inside my heart that she is waiting patiently for you in Heaven.
I just ordered this book on Amazon and I think it would be a good read for you. http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Real-Little-Astounding-Story/dp/0849946158/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302191100&sr=8-1
Stefanie says:
Thinking of you and sending big hugs! You guys are so strong.
Trisha Vargas says:
You’ve been on my mind and in my heart this week so much. I knew today would be especially difficult. Sending all my love from Florida.
What an awesome parade to see.
(((HUGS)))
Gamanda says:
I’m wishing you peaceful, happy memories to help you through the day.
AngieM. says:
sending you prayers & hugs. thinking of you, mike, annie, rigby, and especially maddie
xoxo
Jackie says:
I’ve been thinking of Maddie all morning. I can see her doing the “Single Ladies” dance, shrugging her shoulders after someone asked “Who did it?”, memories from football games/her birthday/ halloween,… and all of the perfectly adorable Maddie-isms.
I love you Heath and I’m so sorry that you have to live with this hurt every day. Today especially, I’m sending you a zillion hugs and good thoughts.
Love you infinity times infinity,
XOXO
Liz says:
I have no idea if this will ever get easier, but thank you for being so brave & sharing this.
Thinking of Maddie and your family today….
JKB says:
it is not fair to have to wear purple in her honor,
it is not fair.
but I wear purple in her honor this day
Lindsay says:
Long time reader but have never commented…..
My heart goes out to you both today, I can’t imagine how you do it. Sending lots of hugs today, many people have you in your hearts.
Much love from Ontario
xoxox
Tamela says:
Thinking of you all today and sending big hugs your way.
Katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
Although your letters to Maddie always leave me with a lump in my throat, I do love reading your words when you talk to Maddie. She hears them, she does. She is here, there and everywhere…with you. Always.
(((Hugs to you on this especially difficult day.)))
Glenda says:
Heather and Mike… what a beautiful post/ tribute to the amazing Maddie. I hope you and Mike share beautiful memories of beautiful Maddie today and every day of your life. My heart goes out to the two of you and to Annie and the rest of your families. Sending you all big hugs XXX
Allyson says:
Love to you today. Every day.
Susan14 says:
Love. To you and all your loved ones.
Wearing purple today, just like last year.
You’re in my thoughts.
Marnie * says:
I have never met Maddie, but I will never forget her. Thinking of you and your family today and everyday.
Pattie says:
Words seem so inadequate. Embracing you in my thoughts today.
Backpacking Dad says:
Whenever Adrian tells me he wants to play with the train, the purple one, I think of Maddie. Forever and ever purple.
Lynnette says:
Thinking of you all today. Hugs! Wearing purple today in Maddie’s honor.
Zoe says:
I didn’t know Maddie’s name until a few days ago, but I feel like I know a small part of her. I don’t known you, but I’ve read your words and been touched by your emotions. I’ve cried alongside you today, remembering your girl for every incredible thing she was. I’ve cried for the times she’ll never have, for the person she never had the chance to become.
You and your beautiful daughter are in my thoughts today, and my heart goes out to you for all of your indescribable and unbearable pain. I’m only a small drop in the ocean of love going out to you today, and I can only hope hope that together, we’re able to bring a smile to your face, if for only a moment.
Jennifer says:
Wearing a purple scarf and hat today in your sweet girl’s honor.
Sarah R. says:
I’m so so sorry…..I’m holding your family in my heart.
Rebecca says:
Lots of love and hugs for the entire Sphor Family.
pdxhadey says:
I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I’m thinking about you, Mike, Annie, and your dear, sweet Maddie today. I wish I would have been privileged enough to have known her, but in a way, I feel like I do. I wish you much strength today and in all of the coming impossible days without your sweet Maddie Moo. May her spirit and memory live on forever in the hearts of all she has touched.
Angie says:
Just want you to know that millions of people are missing her too. I dressed my girls in purple today. Wish I could do more. Hugs and Strength…
Halyn says:
Heather and Mike you are both in my thoughts. I’ve been thinking of you guys and worrying about you this entire month so far, and today especially I am thinking of you and hoping that you are ok. I’m so sorry for the loss of Maddie. I hope it helps even a tiny bit to know how many people are thinking of her sweet smile today.
Sarah says:
Sending lots of love, prayers and hugs your way…not only today, but every day.
Carrie says:
You and Mike and Annabel are often in my prayers, but today you’re at the top of my list. Big hugs to you guys.
Laura says:
I’m wearing purple today…and thinking of your Maddie…and thinking of you. I wish it wasn’t like this.
Marinka says:
You and your family are in my heart and thoughts.
Liz says:
As usual, I’m at a loss for words to properly describe what I want to say. Words that would make everything better. So please just know that I, along with many, many others are thinking of you and Mike and Annie and Rigby today. We’re remembering with you, crying with you, grieving your loss. What a sweet mark she left. Much love from the Carter family to the Spohr family.
Leslie says:
I’ve never commented on your blog, but I started reading a few days from now two years ago. I fell in love with Madeline the first time I saw the pictures of her sweet face, and later with Annabel as well. Your family has come to feel like an extension of my own, and I just wish I could do something to make your pain go away. Today I’m wearing purple for Maddie and thinking of all of you.
db says:
I wish I could say something to ease your guys pain…its hard to loose someone you love so much, especially a special girl like your Maddie…thinking of you all today.
anymommy says:
Much love to you, Mike and Annie, today and every day. I always think of Maddie when I see purple and I wore it today for her.
Hayley says:
My thoughts are with you and your family today and always.
I wore purple today for Maddie, was going to wear it yesterday but remembered that today was Maddie’s day.
Sending love and hugs from England.
Hayley xx
Brigid says:
Thinking and praying for you, Maddie, Mike and Annabelle today! I have been following your blog for a while now and watching as you go down a similar path as I. My daughter’s 3rd angel day is aproaching next month, so my heart is very heavy for you today and always!
Courtney says:
Wearing purple today for you, Maddie. And sending my love to you, Heather, Mike, and Annie.
Amy says:
You and Mike write so powerfully about your love for Maddie. You were and are wonderful parents to her, even and especially now. What a lucky girl she was.
Kate says:
Remembering the Famous Madeline today. What a beautiful beautiful baby girl. She is missed and loved around the world.
Heather says:
Thinking of you and your family daily, but especially today.
Alison says:
You all are always in my heart.
Madeline, Maddie Moo, you are so loved. Your light has stayed with us all. All of your Friends miss you, and I know your family misses you most of all.
xoxo
jo ashline says:
There are no words of consolation, because there is no way to console something like this.
But today, by deciding to share again your heartache, grief, and endless, infinite love, you are reminding us just how temporary this all is, and to latch on and love with all we have.
God Bless you, your daughters, your family, your life. Thank you.
Lisa says:
Sending love to you, Mike, Maddie & Annie…
Melissa says:
To say that this isn’t fair is the understatement of the century, but please know what an impact your sweet baby girl has had on so many people. I’m so sorry, I wish I could make it better or take it away. Thank you for sharing your family with us. We are blessed to know your beautiful family.
Your Maddie has left a legacy that most would be honored to leave behind. I know that doesn’t make it hurt less, but it is something you and your family should be so proud of.
My family and I are wearing purple today and we have talked about you and your family and remembered your sweet girl. Our hearts ache with you. Peace and love to you.
Kayla N. says:
Heather,
I am thinking about you, Mike, Annabel, Rigby, and your entire families today. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
So much love for your beautiful Maddie today, she will never be forgotten.
Kayla
Kenna says:
She touched so many in such a short time and continues to do so even now. Incredible Maddie!
Sending lots of hugs your way.
Tracey says:
Thinking of you tons today! Thank you for sharing your beautiful family to us strangers.
TLL says:
My thoughts are with you and your family. Your Maddie has affected my life more than I ever thought someone I never met could.
Sending warm thoughts.
Nicole says:
There just aren’t the right words to say to you. So I leave you with I’m so sorry and I’m praying for you all today and always. Maddie has made me a better parent. My daughter shares a very similar story, born in November of 2007 but not due til January. I don’t remember how I found your blog, but know that it has changed me, the way I parent and how thankful I am to be able to hug my daughter tight today. Maddie will never be forgotten. Much much love to you and your family, Heather.
Jeanie says:
Thinking of you.
Elizabeth says:
Heather, Mike, Annie and family, my heart hurts for you today and every day you live without your gorgeous girl. I hope that the many wonderful memories you have of her somehow support you and lighten your grief, if only a little, today. Maddie will live on through the many families you help, the hope you bring, the smiles of hers you share. All my love to you today and every day.
anotherheatherfromcanada says:
Thinking of and praying for you all today and always.
anotherheatherfromcanada says:
Nothing but love and prayers for you all, today and always Heather !
Andrea says:
I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you, Mike, Annie and Maddie today.
MrsMosby says:
I’ve been thinking about you so much. I can’t imagine how much your family is hurting. Being the mommy of a daughter, I can’t even fathom the pain and horror that would be. I pray for your comfort and strength and although Maddie was not here nearly long enough, she was such a blessing – to you and those of us blessed enough to have met her through your blog. She is a beautiful little girl, and so is Annie. Many hugs to you!!!
Lisa says:
thinking of you and your family today… much love.
Kristin says:
Thinking of you, Mike and Annabel today and sending you so much love.
Penbleth says:
Maddie is a beautiful girl. Her love will be with you always. Love and peace to you all today.
Lynn
Nanette says:
I thought of your beautiful family last night as I read this passage in a novel.
******
“I thought this was supposed to get easier,” he says. He takes his palms from his eyes, which are red and baggy; they have the new wrinkles of apricots left too long in the fridge.
“They don’t tell you that the second anniversary is harder,” Jane says. “You think you’re supposed to be better. Hits you worse.”
“You’re telling me.”
“Grief is harder when it simmers than when it boils,” she says.
******
We love you, Heather.
Rachel says:
wow – what book is the quote from?
Nanette says:
“The Fortunes of Indigo Skye” by Deb Caletti. That passage is not a major plot point at all — a conversation at the protagonist’s diner.
Shevaun says:
Heather,
Today you need all of the love and support you can get, even if it’s from strangers. Your grace throughout these years has been terrifyingly beautiful. I am sending love and hugs…and so is Maddie.
Skye says:
Oh Heather, I hope you can keep only the happy memories in your mind today. You are an AMAZING mommy to Maddie (and Annie). I am so, so sad for you.
1coolmom says:
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers….today and always! Your Maddie is so, so loved and will never be forgotten!! But I wish that I didn’t even have to type those words because that would mean she would be in your arms where she belongs…..
Lenora says:
Really nothing to add here except how sorry I am. It’s totally unfair. Your parade dream makes me smile, I hope you and your family find some peace.
Laney says:
Remembering Maddie today, along with so many others.
Wishing today was just a day like any other, wishing she was still with you – where she belongs.
Much love to all of you.
Jennifer says:
I’m thinking of you and your family today. I am so sorry for your loss.
Kelly says:
No words can even begin to express how much Maddie is missed and loved. Hugs for you, Mike and Annie today.
Kristin Greenwood says:
My heart breaks for you today. Remember your sweet girl and smile.
Here in Canada they don’t have a March of Dimes (or rather, they do, but it’s not for the same thing). So, in lieu of that, I’m going to walk in the Mother’s Day Run and Walk with my mom and daughter, to raise funds for the Stollery Children’s Hospital. This Hospital has one of the best PICU’s in Western Canada, as well as other medical and surgery units that children should never have to use. My sister in law works there, so I hear about the great work that they do there all the time.
May the videos, pictures and memories of your sweet Maddie and the love and hugs that your sweet Annie give help you through this day and all the hard days. And, no matter what, remember that you are not alone.
xoxo
Kristin Greenwood says:
I forgot to mention – all donations are in Maddie’s name, and we will of course be wearing the brightest and most beautiful shades of Purple we can find!
Stefanie says:
I’m sick over this day. It’s not fair, never will be fair and it will always be the worst thing that’s happened. There may never be a reason why but I think you are the greatest momma to Annie and to Maddie and Maddie was so so lucky to have you guys.
I’m sorry. xxoo
Gwen says:
“But my words are paper tigers.
No match for the predator of pain inside her…”
Those lyrics (Indigo Girls) are running through my head as I sit here looking at a blinking cursor. What could anyone say? I’m wearing purple, and thinking of you all on this horrible day.
Christina says:
I hope you know on this terrible day that you’re doing such a great job at being a mom to both of your girls, honoring both, loving both, and through such horrific events. You and Mike both are doing a great job with your girls and with each other.
Sara GC says:
What a beautiful post about beautiful Maddie..thinking of you all today.
Bonnie C. says:
Heather: Thinking of you, Mike, Annie, and especially beautiful Maddie today. Much love to you all and big hugs.
Jackie says:
Last night I parked 2 blocks away from my boyfriend’s house – I almost never have to park that far. On the walk there, I noticed a flowerbed with little green shoots starting to come up. I thought of how I couldn’t wait to see what kind of flowers they would be…they looked a little like tulips (my favorite.) No sign of buds yet.
This morning as I was walking back to my car, I glanced back at the same bed of flowers. In the corner, I saw three small lavender buds, and instantly remembered Maddie. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers today and always.
Paige says:
I don’t think there is one of us who have read about Maddie that will EVER forget her. I hope all the love and prayers being sent your way today gives you some relief from your agony. I think of you all every single day – there are so many of us that love you all. Thank you for sharing Maddie with us, she is a gift.
Love, Paige
amourningmom says:
Sending you all peace and good thoughts. I wish I had a way to ease your pain. This August it will be 6 years since our first son and in December it will be 2 years since our other son died – the only way I know how to live in this world without them is to take it all day by day. Sometimes it is hour by hour and even minute by minute. Take care.
Kathlynn says:
Thinking of you and your beautiful family today and everyday. Maddie is missed.
Amanda says:
I have nothing I can say…but I can offer you (((hugs))) for everyone.
Ray says:
Oh, Heather. My heart aches for you.
Love NEVER dies. That’s so true. For as long as you carry Maddie in your heart is as long as she’ll be alive…forever. You helped in her creation, therefore; she will always be apart of you.
The love you have for her (in reading about her) makes me want to have a daughter. Even though I swear I don’t want any kids.
So know that Maddie and your love for her, will always resonate in my heart.
Praying for peace to come upon the Spohr Family.
sara says:
wishing there were words that would make this easier…. i’m just one of many thinking of your family and your sweet girl today…. i hope you can find some peace.
Annie T says:
Just adding my name to the list of all those who have sent you messages of support and love today.
Annie
xx
Shannon says:
We are all better people because Maddie has touched our lives and our hearts. She truly is missed by so many, even those that had never met her. HUGS
Melissa says:
Thinking of all of you, Mike, Annie, and the rest of your family today.
Thank you for sharing your girls, your lives and your struggles with us.
Someone in Oklahoma says:
My purple Hyacinth bloomed this morning. It has been budded for weeks now. It instantly made me think of Maddie. Been reading here for a long time now.
You (and your family) are in our thoughts today.
HeidiLee says:
Hugs to all–she is around, we just can’t see her. Miss Maddie Moo visits in dreams….
Alyssa says:
I’ve been reading for two years but never commented before. There is a cherry blossom tree that I walk past every morning, but never really noticed until today, when I had Maddie and your family on my mind. It’s the prettiest shade of purple, and at its base are a patch of bright yellow daffodils. It made me think of Maddie in her pretty yellow dress and her love of purple. Whenever I see it now, I will think of your sweet little girl.
Marsha says:
Praying for you all. She’s so beautiful!
Brenda T says:
Thinking of you guys today. (And every day.)
Mer says:
Thinking of all of you today, and wishing I had no reason to.
dysfunctional mom says:
When I see the pictures of her, it’s still so hard to believe that she’s gone. I hope you’re able to push the horrific memories away and remember only the happy times.
Elizabeth says:
Thinking of you and your family today. I’m so so sorry for your loss.
Mindy says:
Dear Maddie,
You are the most beautiful little angel! You have the most amazing family and today (as always) millions of people think, pray and remember you and your family.
Love,
just another person’s who life you have touched in the most amazing way!
…. thank you!
suzanne says:
I have been thinking of your Madeline today. I wish you strength for another year, for another day. You carry on her memory in the best possible way, though I imagine that does not make it any more bearable. Love to your family and to darling Madeline.
JustAMom says:
I don’t know what to say, but I can’t not say anything. I’m sorry. Just so, so, so inredibly sorry. God bless you all.
Sarah M. says:
May God bless you & your family, Heather. You’re all in our thoughts & prayers.
Maddie, we all miss & love you so very much. I feel like we can see your beautiful smile all the way from heaven.
jenny says:
I hold you in my heart.
Kayla says:
“What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose.” – Henry Ward Beecher.
Melissa says:
I will never had the words to fill that empty aching, painful hole in your heart, but I want you to know how many of us out in the universe honored Maddie today. I wore purple for her. I read your post this morning while sitting in bed with my 2 1/2 year old son, and I cried and held him close. Extra close. I shared your beautiful pictures with him. Her smile and radiance was in my mind all day, and I want you, Mike and sweet Annie to know that many of us honor your beautiful little girl today beside you.
I typically walk every year in the March for Babies in San Diego, but cannot this year due to being in a high-risk pregnancy again and being instructed to take it easy. That being said, please know we will be donating a contribution to your March of Dimes walk in honor of your beautiful little girls.
Thinking of you all.
AuntieM says:
I am reminded today of a sing. It is simple and sweet, I believe the song used for the Ronald McDonald house…
Love lifted me
Love lifted me
When nothing else would do
Love lifted me
Family Spohr, mommy, daddy, Annie grandmas, grandpas, cousins, uncles and aunties…you are all loved…today and every day!
Sasha says:
Dearest Mike and Heather,
I’ve been thinking of you often this week. I don’t know you or your family, of course, and yet I do. My babes were six months old when you lost your Maddie, and I cried and cried and cried for you for weeks. Your posts still bring me to tears.
I have fantasies where I am somehow all-powerful, and I show up on your doorstep and tell you that I can make it all go away – that I can bring Maddie back, and all will be well. That the three of us will be the only ones who remember what really happened, but are so relieved and happy because it is no longer. I so wish that I could make this true.
As for now, please know that Maddie, that beautiful, beautiful girl, will always be in my heart and my memories.
Sasha
Lisa from WV says:
Thinking of you and Mike always, but especially today.
Rosa says:
Thinking of you.
Ellen - Love That Max says:
I’m also thinking about you today. Max wore something purple today, as he does every day, but today it was for Maddie.
Wallydraigle says:
My heart aches for you and your family. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but the way you have painted Maddie in your writing is such a beautiful picture. How much you all loved her, how sunny she was, it’s heartbreakingly beautiful. I hope you find comfort today in whatever you can–today and every day.
Kristin says:
You and your sweet sun-eyed girl are in my thoughts today and always. Though she’s gone, she’s still here…in the lives and hearts of those that she’s touched. Maddie is so, so missed.
ElaineH says:
Thinking of the extraordinary Spohr family today and remembering — and celebrating — the beautiful, funny, wonderful, amazing Maddie. My love to you all.
Ashley says:
Thoughts and prayers are with you. My heart aches.
Crystal says:
Posting words seems…. I don’t know.
You’re in my thoughts. All of you.
Tamara Walker @MomRN says:
Heather,
I remember reading your tweet about Maddie being admitted to the hospital and praying hard for her and bawling when learning of her passing. We’ve never met in person, but my heart broke for you and your husband and I still pray for you two and now for your precious little Annie.
Maddie’s short life has touched and impacted countless lives around the world. You have done an amazing job of turning tragedy into something that can help and bless others, but I know for your family, you have to live with the pain of that tragedy every day.
May God give you His comfort and peace, this day and every day.
Sending hugs from Oklahoma,
Tamara
Mommy says:
Love never dies….. You are so right about that. Your love for your daughter will never die, it can never be taken away. You and your whole family are in my heart and prayers- today and every day.
Love, hugs and prayers.
Nina says:
I can just never get over her beautiful, joyful smile. What a beautiful smile.
My heart is breaking for you today.
kathie clark says:
i’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years now. i’ve laughed and cried along with your posts.
today, you are have been in my thoughts and prayers.
i am walking in the march of babies here in austin, tx on may 7th, in memory of your maddie. it just seemed especially fitting that i sign up today. and i will wear my purple for your girl.
Kim ~ Craftymamaof4 says:
I’ve been thinking of you all day. I have no words only tears xoxo
Kristen says:
Thinking of you all today. My daughter and I wore purple toenail polish and purple shirts in honor of sweet Maddie. She will never be forgotten.
Dre says:
I can close my eyes and picture her as she would be, now. Her curls would fall midway down her back, here eyes would sparkle and she would run, play, laugh.
The world has an empty spot where she should be, and it will never be filled.
My heart aches for you, and for everyone who loves and misses your darling Madeline. Sending you so much love.
Melissa says:
I’ve been thinking about you guys all day. For several days. Actually, every day. You don’t know me, and I only know you through your words, your words that have brought Maddie to so many people.
I’m sending all of my internet love your way. I know there’s nothing I can do, and no real comfort I can give, but if it helps, even a minuscule amount, know that someone out there is thinking about you, Mike, Annie and Madeline.
Laurie says:
Thank you for sharing your daughters with us. You were in my hearts all day.
LaDonna says:
My thoughts and prayers are with your family. Maddy is with you always.
Tahnie says:
Oh my heart aches for you and while our situations are so different, the pain is so big and never ending it seems. I just endured the 5th anniversary of my one and only sister’s passing and honestly I think it hurts now more than ever.
xoxo.
nona says:
Love. Sending you love.
Isadora says:
Thinking of you guys now and always! My heart goes out to you!
Noelle says:
Love.
Kristin says:
Abiding with you and remembering your beautiful Maddie.
Holli (B's Mom) says:
My heart is just broken for you.
Nothing to say except she will never be forgotten. You’ve made sure of that.
Meg says:
I know yesterday passed with much sadness and many tears…I hope today brings some smiles in the memories of your sweet girl. Be gentle with yourselves…grief is on no time table.
Peace.
Meg
Anne says:
Heather and Mike,
I am so sorry…so sad….praying for your beautiful family.
Anne
Kris says:
Thinking of your beautiful little Maddie every day… I feel like she’s always here, there and everywhere because she lives in so many of us, because we think of her and let her live in our minds… Sending you so much thoughts, love and hugs… Be strong, we all love you.
Julie says:
Wow I am seriously crying here at my desk, and my co workers are looking at me funny. I can not even imagine losing a child. This post is by far the most beautiful and most heart wretching thing to read. I don’t know you personally but big hugs across the country. You are such an inspiring person… Maddie and Annie are so lucky to have you as a mom!!!
Deborah says:
I know I am a day late in responding, but I’ve been following and commenting on your blog since Maddie passed away. I thought about you all yesterday and you still remain in my thoughts as always. I never tire of seeing pictures of your sweet little Maddie, and I cannot imagine how you must feel or the pain that you deal with on a daily basis.
You are loved by so many, including me.
***hugs***
KimPossible says:
No words to make it better, but wanted you to know I was thinking of you and Mike and Maddie and Annie and sending love your way. And our whole famn damily wore purple in honor of Maddie
Dawn's Diversions says:
You are in my thoughts today.
Andee says:
Heather, Mike, Annie…
I’ve never had the nerve to post because I don’t feel like anything I have to say could possibly make any difference. Just know that I am moved to the depths of my soul for you and the pain, agony and sadness you must live with on a day to day basis.
I think the lyrics to this Josh Groban song are so moving and poignant for Maddie’s 2nd “angel day” post.
“Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
‘Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away not far
To where you are
I know you’re there
A breath away not far
To where you are”
Maddie will always be your forever love.
Amanda says:
I love Maddie if I had the pleasure of seeing her sunshiney smile in person. But I am honored to have known her through your writing and pictures. Honored to have remembered her, wearing purple, letting go of balloons one sad day. Honored to remember her through the March of Dimes and Friends of Maddie. I think of her, you, Mike, Annie and Rigby often.
Tracey says:
No words for your pain, just that I wish it didn’t have to be.
Mermanda says:
Catching up on blog reading and have to admit that I saved your blog for last because I knew the two-year anniversary was approaching and I knew your blog would bring me to tears. I have been thinking of you and your family and wish I could bring you some comfort during this especially difficult time. My heart hurt so much for you while reading your words of grief and looking back at those gorgeous photos of Maddie. I am sending you, Mike, Annie, Rigby, and, of course, Maddie, much love–today and always.