I have a tab at the top of my blog about my love of Photography. I’ve carried a camera with me since the year I graduated from college. I learned early on that keeping a camera with me was the best way to capture memories. When my friend Dana got an SLR, I was totally inspired. After Madeline was born, I hounded Mike for my own SLR, and being awesome, he gave me one for my birthday last year.

I used to think that having that camera changed the way I looked at the world. Now I know that it was Maddie that changed my view. Everything they say about seeing things through the eyes of a child is true.

It was easy to take good pictures with Maddie as my subject. She loved the camera, always mugging and turning on her megawatt smile. My lens loved her delicate features.

My favorite thing was showing her the pictures I took. Once I loaded everything onto my computer, she’d sit on my lap and I’d tell her the name of everything we looked at. She’d clap her hands and attempt to repeat every word I said.

The last picture I took with my camera was this one:


We went to the park on April 4th, after we left a birthday party. I took pictures of Maddie with the intention of getting one of her and I together (I got this wonderful one of Mike and Maddie earlier in the day). Unfortunately, my battery died right after I took this picture. I never went out with a low battery. I’m still mad at myself.

I hadn’t picked up my camera since Maddie passed. I couldn’t imagine looking through a lens at a world without her in it.

But I knew Maddie wouldn’t like that. She would want me to take pictures of things, and tell her about everything I saw. So today, I picked up my camera. My parents have a grape vine in their backyard, and new grapes are starting to grow.

budding grapes on the vine

I loaded the pictures onto my computer, and then I started telling Maddie everything. “Maddie Moo, these are the baby grapes that are growing on the vine at Gramma and Bampa’s house. I don’t think you ever had a grape, but you would have made the funniest face when you tasted it’s sour sweetness. You would have loved how warm it was today. We would have sat outside all day and laughed as Rigby chased leaves and barked at birds.”

I don’t know how I’m going to do this without my baby.