Today, on what would have been Madeline’s eighth birthday, we want to announce a new mission for the charity we started in her name, Friends of Maddie.
Friends of Maddie has been helping families since 2009, when we established the charity with money that was generously donated to us after Madeline died. Over the last six years, Friends of Maddie packed and shipped thousands of Support Packs to dozens of Level III NICUs throughout the nation, and personally delivered them to hospitals in Los Angeles, including UCLA Mattel, where Maddie spent the first sixty-eight days of her life. We also had some amazing corporate partnerships, including one with AT&T where together we provided over $20,000 in technology — including tablets, chargers, speakers, and Bluetooth headsets — to the NICUs we worked with, and the families of babies in their care. We are very proud of everything we accomplished.
But over the last year or so, I have felt a strong pull toward helping families who have lost children. There are many charities out there who give support bags and services to NICU families, but not nearly as many in the bereavement space. I receive countless emails from newly bereaved families asking for advice on how to pay the staggering costs that arise from the unexpected death of a child. Even with health and life insurance payouts, many parents still struggle to pay hospital bills, funeral costs, therapy copays, and living expenses. Too many parents can’t afford to take time off from work to properly process and grieve.
After doing a lot of research, we’ve realized we can fill a much greater need if we shift our focus toward helping newly bereaved families. This feels especially right, since Friends of Maddie was created with money that was donated to our family for this very reason. So, after much discussion and work, we have decided to officially change the mission of Friends of Maddie to helping families cope with the loss of a child by offering monetary grants.
All families who have experienced financial strain due to the loss of a child under the age of eighteen are eligible to apply. We will give preferential consideration to applicants who have lost a child in the NICU or due to prematurity-related complications (as these children are not usually eligible for life insurance), but it is not a requirement.
Most importantly, despite this shift in focus, we aren’t leaving behind our NICU and prematurity families. We will be working more heavily with March of Dimes in 2016 (more on that to come) and we’ll still be able to assist corporations with charitable donations to NICUs.
I feel a renewed passion for Friends of Maddie – it will be an honor to give families support during the worst moments of their lives. It’s my hope that a grant from FoM will help ease a bit of their burden.
Thank you to everyone who has made it possible for us to continue to honor our daughter’s memory. We’re proud that our organization is 100% volunteer based, and our new focus will allow for very little overhead. If you would like to make a tax-free donation to our new mission, you can do so here.
Kirsten says:
What a wonderful way to honour beautiful Maddie. My sister-in-law lost her baby Luke to prematurity last year, he was just too small. Support for parents is so important.
I know this is a sad day for you, but I want to say happy birthday to you, because it marks the day you became a mom. And from what I see and read, you are an awesome mom.
Greis says:
Amazing!!
Ashley says:
Thank you for everything you do. Maddie is so lucky to have you as her mother.
Happy Birthday, Maddie. We love you.
P.S in order to post this comment I was forced to do a math problem. Math at 7 am should be a crime ?
Jenny says:
Thinking of you and your family today. Your renewed mission to help others and honor Maddie is needed so badly. Best wishes with your new endeavor.
Mel says:
Happy Birthday Maddie. What an amazing way to honor her. I know that parents always worry that their child will be forgotten and you are making sure that not only is she not forgotten, she is making new friends every day. Praying for peace for your family today and always.
Heather says:
I used to manage a Piercing Pagoda in the Pittsburgh area. One year I was helping out at a location at South Hills Village mall and a woman came who wanted to buy around 20 of our size 1 plain 10 karat gold bands (they’re about $20, and at the time, we had a sale buy 1 get 1 75% off) the woman had lost a daughter in the nicu about 5 or 6 years ago and donates these tiny rings to the parents of lost babies at one of our local hospitals every year around Christmas. They said they had gotten a tiny ring once and it meant so much to them. I know that you guys are looking to help with the financial burden of families who have lost babies but you may also want to look into this too. If you do want to do this, call Piercing Pagoda ahead of time because they only ever carry a couple of the same item but usually they can get then transferred from other stores in their district. They also have a website that you could order from.
Michigan says:
What a wonderful idea about donating the rings!
Jerilynn says:
Heather, I think your mission is fabulous. You have identified a real unmet need in the world that really doesn’t have any particular organization or mission ascribed to it-until now, that is. I can’t think of a better way to honor your beautiful daughter. Please know I am remembering Maddie–and all of you-today and every day, but especially today. I promise you (and I’m sure all your readers will concur with me) that Maddie is not lost; we will never let her be lost to the world. Sending you hugs and warm thoughts today and every day.
Cat says:
Wearing purple for Maddie today. We miss her all around the world. Sending all the best sustaining wishes to your family.
Kelley Legler says:
Your family has inspired me since the day we met in LA. I hope that #spreadthelovey can contribute significantly to this cause
Marjorie Steele says:
What an awesome way to keep honoring your special girl. Thinking of you all today on Maddie’s birthday. Hugs xoxo
Kristen in CO says:
Thinking of you, Mike and all your kids today.
Vicki D says:
I’ve been following your blog for years and woke up today remembering that it was Madeline’s birthday. I wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you all today.
I love the new direction you’re taking for Friends of Maddie. What a fantastic idea!
Tricia says:
Happy 8th Birthday Maddie!
Miss Moo would be so proud of you guys. You are all amazing. Extra love and hugs today.
Allison Fonseca says:
Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!
Bridget says:
What a wonderful gift you will be giving families. A very close friend of mine lost their little girl at 3 months old due to SIDS. One thing that a lot of people don’t realize is you only get 5 days of Beaverment for the loss of a child…5 days! Since the mother had just gone back to work from maternity leave, she had no other time to take off. Luckily her wonderful co-workers donated 1 months worth of sick time for her. They are trying to get something passed to receive more time.
Rachel says:
I love this idea. I’ve been thinking of you all so much this month. Wishing you peace.
(Your Captcha is very vague yet picky, btw.)
Rachel says:
I’m sorry; that reads very snippy. I didn’t mean it to sound like that! Gah.
Nanette says:
Beautiful. xoxo
Victoria says:
Happy Birthday, Maddie. Happy Birth Day, Heather & Mike. Missing you all.
I love your new mission.
Chris says:
I am donating today. What a wonderful direction your charity is taking. I’m wearing purple today also, and thinking of you and your family. When I go on Amazon I use Amazon Smile so that donations are also made to Friends of Maddie every time I order. I know every little bit helps. Love to your family.
Lissa says:
Oh gosh I didn’t know Friends of Madison was on Amazon Smile! I’m off to make sure I have that set. I don’t purchase a lot, but love that when I do it would go to such a wonderful organization.
Lissa says:
***agh!!!! I meant Maddie! Obviously. Ridiculous spellcheck. Sorry Heather!
Allie says:
I didn’t know that you could volunteer with Friends of Maddie! Can that be done from Florida?
Jessica says:
Donation complete. What a wonderful new mission. Happy birthday to Maddie! Sending lot of love and hugs your way always but especially today.
Tammy says:
I officially love this change. Donation just made in memory of my nephew. God bless all you do. To Maddie!
Jennifer Maselli says:
You continue to inspire, Spohrs. What a wonderful way to continue your journey. Happy birthday to sweet Maddie and love and light to you all.
Brooke says:
This is a beautiful thing, Heather. I’m so honored and inspired by the way you continue to make a difference and do so much good in memory of Maddie. xo
Lisa says:
You help so many people every day and this shift in the mission of Friends of Maddie is a beautiful and meaningful one.
Sending hugs your way and wishing Maddie a happy birthday. I’m so thankful I had the chance to meet her and experience her laughter and love of the world.
Auntie_M says:
I love that FoM is doing this! As a family, we were so shellshocked when my nephew died, a still birth on his due date 6 years ago this Friday, that it took everything to navigate through the murky waters of all that comes immediately after a death–never mind the long term effects!
My cousin’s wife did bereavement photos, while he contacted my brother’s commanding officer to explain what had happened (he was in the Reserves–they made the decision to not have him report for 6 months to a year, for recovery time, which was amazing!)
We were blessed (an odd word to use, but still…) to have a local crematorium donate their services.
A local Michaels gave me 75% off everything I purchased for the service, as did Kinko’s.
My sister did the floral arrangements and I got the local Costco to discount the flowers.
People and businesses were so very, very kind. I organized the venue.
But it was all done through a haze.
Friends of Maddie will be offering such a lifeline to the newly bereaved whether through financial aid, navigational services (planning a service for a child is truly done through a murky haze!), or moral support.
Your blog has done that in many ways. FoM is going to take it so much further!
Thank you!!!!!!!
Lisa says:
What a poignantly wonderful way to honor your beautiful girl. Happy birthday, Maddie.
Pattie says:
This is such a wonderful way to honor Maddie’s memory. You’ve done an amazing job throughout the years carrying out this hard, special work in her name.
Lanie says:
Happy birthday to Maddie and her parents – I know that the day is bittersweet but I hope it goes as well as it can for you and Mike.
Love, love the new mission for Friends of Maddie! You all have done and continue to do such amazing work.
Sending hope and hugs. xo
Amy says:
Amazing tribute to a wonderful girl! ?
Eva says:
Happy birthday, Maddie. Thinking of you and your family today. We miss you.
Alyson Sorafkin says:
This is wonderful.
Eunice Johnson says:
First – Happy Birthday Maddie
I think your new idea for the Friends of Maddie is a great idea
Thinking of you all today on this our Remembrance Day in Canada – a great day to remember your little daughter who fought her own fight from being born early
Debbie A-H says:
Have been thinking of you and Maddie and your family all day. Love to you all.
This is an amazing thing you are doing.
Kim says:
This would have been such a godsend for us 12 years ago. I love that you are doing this. You are such a lovely woman and I am proud to call you my friend.
Wendy says:
As a mother who lost one of my 6 week old to twin boys to SIDS 6 months ago, I can’t express how much I love your idea! There is very little support out there for newly bereaved parents (and we were blessed to have good guidance from our priest and funeral director, as well as many generous gifts of service/help from family, friends and strangers for the funeral). But all our decisions were made in a fog of shock and exhaustion, especially since we were still caring for our other newborn son. I felt like someone should have handed us a pamphlet or book to help walk us through everything we had to deal with when planning an infant’s funeral, not just information on the grieving process. And now you’ve come up with a way to give families going through a similar loss a virtual hug and some financial help. Amazing! I have no doubt Maddie is smiling down on her wonderful parents. What a difference her short life has made on the world! Thinking of your little girl on her birthday.
Lisa says:
This may help a friend….thank you so much every single freaking day for what you do. Breathing, living, beyond surviving you honor your beautiful baby angel and family in the most incredibly ways.
Sky says:
Heather and Mike, I have followed you since Maddie was an infant and remember vividly the journey you have taken. I admire your charitable work so much and like the new focus you are introducing. In celebrating Maddie on her birthday I realized just how much she has inspired love, compassion, and generosity from those who knew and loved her or simply knew about her. So much positive energy surrounds her memory – love is powerful, indeed.
Tania says:
What a wonderful concept & idea!!! After having experienced losing a baby 11 years ago I can’t personally thank you enough for doing this for parents & families dealing with child lose, 11 years later I am sitting here crying just thinking of all the good you will be doing!!
Crissy says:
Happy birthday beautiful girl. What a beautiful message and mission.
Michigan says:
What a terrific way to honor Maddie. As someone who does research on how we can improve care for bereaved families after stillbirth and infant death, I can tell you that there is extremely limited support for bereaved parents of any kind (financial, emotional, etc) and you have tapped in to a real need. Thank you for making a difference in this space.
Artadorned says:
Happy birthday to Maddie! and it’s beautiful to see how you honor her memory.
Kiley says:
I am with the Return to Zero Center for Healing and am creating a Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Directory. I live in Los Angeles, but the Directory will be a global resource. I was wondering if Friends of Maddie will offer financial assistance to Los Angeles based residents only or is it a national program? I’d love to include you! Any questions, email me at info@returntozerothemovie.com
Heather says:
Nationwide! We sent you an email!