It’s time for the 2012 March for Babies, the March of Dimes’ biggest fundraiser. There are walks in cities all over the nation. We Spohrs are ready to walk for Maddie for the fifth year in a row. By participating, we are helping The March of Dimes champion the needs of families and babies in our community and across the nation. The money we raise for March for Babies will support lifesaving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start – babies like Madeline’s sister Annabel, who made it to full term thanks in large part to medical advances championed by the March of Dimes.

Last year we were YET AGAIN the biggest family team in Los Angeles (over 100+ walkers), and one of the top family teams in the country. Three years in a row! Woo hoo! Madeline would be so proud. Our team goal is $20,000 – no small feat – but we want to continue our streak as the biggest team in Los Angeles. Beyond LA, we’re hoping that everyone who has walked in Maddie’s name in year’s past will walk again. And to everyone who hasn’t walked yet, we hope this will be the year you join, or even start, a team.

Joining a team means more to my family than any of you may realize. April is hard and emotional, and after the sadness we feel at the beginning of the month, knowing that we will see (either in person or via photos and emails) so many people supporting and remembering Maddie…honestly it’s a light that leads us through.

In the last four years, literally thousands of people opened their hearts and wallets and donated to the March of Dimes in honor of my beautiful daughter Madeline. The donations that came in after Maddie passed completely blew my family away, and made sure that millions of people, including lawmakers, know the name Madeline Spohr. As a parent, I am proud and humbled.

I only ask for donations for the two most important causes in my life – The March of Dimes and the charity we started in Maddie’s name, Friends of Maddie, which strives to help parents with children in NICUs across the country. This year, I am asking you to consider two options for donating.

The first is the most obvious – donating directly to the March of Dimes through my link here. Every little bit helps, even if it’s only a quarter! In 2009, 90% of the donations our team received were for $10 or less – and we were the top family team in the nation!

The second is March for Maddie shirts! Shirts can be purchased here:

Marching For Maddie Shirts

Shirt sales are open to everyone, and all proceeds are going towards Team March for Maddie (and we are now selling Friends of Maddie shirts, too!). If you want to wear a shirt at your walk this year, be sure to order them ASAP!

If you’re in Los Angeles, we would be honored if you would march with us. You can sign up HERE to join the original March For Maddie team. If you are elsewhere in the country and have started a team, please leave a comment below with your team’s information. Not a team in your area? Start one! Or, if there isn’t a walk near you, join our team as a marcher in spirit.

Thank you again for everything you have done for my family, and in turn, thousands of other families. We miss Madeline so much, but knowing that there are people all over the world that have been touched by her is indescribable. We are all doing amazing things in her memory.

If you have any questions, PLEASE don’t hesitate to email me at thespohrs at gmail dot com.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

Annie has been going on a lot of play dates lately. It’s been really great for her (us) to get out of the house and play with her (our) friends, especially now that’s she’s older and she “gets” playing with other kids. Her play dates used to be a lot of kids playing NEAR each other. Kids are weird.

Anyway. I’ve been working on not being a helicopter mom on these play dates, and it’s hard. It’s not that I don’t trust that the homes and back yards are child proofed, because I know they are. I just don’t trust my KID. The other day, Annie disappeared down a hallway with her little friends. I thought, “be cool, Heather. They’re fine.” The other two girls came back a few minutes later, without Annie. I went to investigate, and Annie had somehow gotten into the shower, and was stretching on her tiptoes trying to turn on the water. In a month, she’d have been tall enough to succeed. I said, “Annie! What are you doing?” And she replied, “Bath,” with a DUH MOM face. Totally untrustworthy.

I think the other reason I tend to hover around Annie is because I want to see how she plays. Does she interact well? Does she understand what the other kids are doing? Is she nice or does she throw tantrums? For the most part, she’s good. She interacts pretty well. She’s mostly around kids that are older than her, so she tends to follow more than interact, but that’s easily attributed to her age (she has my genes, she’ll be bossy soon enough). She seems to understand the basic games, like kicking and throwing balls, playing with cars, and my personal favorite, “run around the backyard screaming at the top of your lungs.” She is definitely nice – she seems to be a people pleaser and she just wants the other kids to like her.

She is terrible at sharing.

It’s totally our fault – when we’re playing at home and she wants whatever toy I’m making dance around, I just give it to her. So she’s used to getting exactly what she wants, when she wants it, which isn’t going to endear her to the preschool set. On one of my TV stories last night, a character’s daughter was terrible at sharing because her dad was also terrible at sharing. As we watched the episode, Mike said, “um, that’s you, you don’t even share your food.” Craaaaaaaaap.

So, what am I supposed to do? If Annie reaches for a toy, do I say, “no Annie, Mommy is REALLY into playing with this Mrs. Potato Head right now and it will be your turn in five minutes.” I mean, I’m NOT into Mrs. Potato Head. Not since we lost her left arm and one of her ears. Now she looks disfigured and it makes me uncomfortable. But, is that how I teach sharing? Because unless these cramps I’m having right now actually mean I am about to birth a baby all “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” style, Annie isn’t going to have a sibling to teach her how to share anytime soon.

Do NOT tell me I need to start sharing my food. Because…no.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

Our new house is about fifteen minutes away from my parents’ house – much closer than the 45 minute drive it used to be. This is great for all sorts of reasons, but it is especially great because it means my parents can help us out with child care when Mike and I need it (date night, woo hoo!). However. Now that my parents are going to be playing a MUCH more active role in Annie’s life (most likely an almost-daily influence instead of once a week), I’ve realized that the fun things they have let Annie get away with probably shouldn’t be allowed anymore.

Don’t get me wrong… my parents are awesome and they do so much for us, and Annie thinks they are the bomb. But they are grandparents – they’ve paid their dues with my brother and me, and it’s their turn to be the good guys. They let Annie do all sorts of things they never would have let me do – like chew with my mouth open, snuggle on the couch past my bedtime, and play with fire. OK maybe one of those is an exaggeration.

The problem lies with when Annie is back with us after spending time with my parents. She waltzes back in and expects to get her way all the time, and then throws a fit when we say no. Picture this – I’m sitting on the couch watching my stories, and she marches up to me and shouts, “ELMO! ABBY!” At my parents’ house, this wouldn’t happen, because the TV would already be on a non-stop Elmo/Abby loop. But at my house, I tell her “Nope! Mama is watching Mario Lopez talk about Pippa Middleton!” Next thing we know, Annie is flat on her back screaming about the injustice of it all, and I can’t hear Mario. Everyone loses.

I filmed a Momversation recently where I talk about some of the silly things my parents let my daughter get away with. I know there are tons of you out there who have been in similar circumstances, so here is my question: How can my parents be active in Annie’s everyday life AND still get to enjoy the perks of being a Grandparent WITHOUT turning her into a spoiled brat who won’t let me watch my stories?! DISCUSS.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

In the fifty eight days since I wrote this post (yes, I am counting), Annabel has fallen off the wagon and is back on a bottle. Like, ALL the way back. I don’t know what happened. Well, that’s a lie, I do know what happened. One day she just straight FREAKED about using a sippy cup. It was a bad day teething-wise. I offered her all 87 cups we have in our house, and she screamed “no no no” to all of them. Finally out of desperation (and hours of crying from both of us), I gave her a bottle. I figured the bottle made her mouth feel better. Whatever, I was just trying to make myself feel better. I didn’t realize that giving it to her that one time would undo the months I’d spent getting her OFF the bottle.

I am at my wit’s end you guys.

She chews on the nipple so I KNOW it has something to do with her teething, but she won’t chew on anything else I offer her. But it’s just gross. I spend half my waking hours scrubbing milk stains off the carpet, the couch, clothes, the dog. And somehow I am missing spots because I can smell bad milk…it is so rancid. It clings to my nostrils. Given a choice of spoiled milk, baby poop, or dog vomit…well, I wouldn’t pick the milk.

She’s been waking up at night (I want to punch teething right in the face), and she’ll pitifully wail for her “bopple.” Someone in our apartment (not naming names) gives in…because if not? Screaming. WAILING. Neighbors banging on the walls. Pandemonium. ANNdemonium.

I don’t know what to do. Let her scream all day? Because this is no exaggeration, she WILL scream all day. And I don’t think our neighbors would dig that, either (just a gut feeling I have). Do I have to start the whole weaning process over again?

I am personally considering drinking a couple bottles a day to deal with this mess I’ve created.

a precious scene with Tia Leah, RUINED by that mother chucking bottle

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

The following post is part of a two-part series sponsored by Yahoo! Every time someone clicks here to make Yahoo! their homepage, they’re showing their support for Friends of Maddie!

As you all know, Mike and I started Friends of Maddie with the money many of you donated to our family after Maddie passed away. Friends of Maddie is obviously so important to our family – by working on projects, we not only extend her legacy’s reach, but we feel close to her.

We have big plans for FoM – we want to be in every NICU that requests us. We’re working on that, slowly but surely. But our biggest goal for 2011 is finally being able to give grants to NICU families that need financial support.

Thanks to Yahoo! it will happen!! Every time someone clicks here to make Yahoo! their homepage, Yahoo will donate money to Friends of Maddie – up to $10,000!

$10,000 will allow us to have a fund that will sustain many families as they go through one of the most difficult times in their lives. We are so, so humbled that Yahoo! has chosen Friends of Maddie.

Thank you all for continuing to support us and help Maddie’s legacy live on! Mike and I (and the rest of our families) are so grateful to always have your love and friendship.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

Yesterday my nephew graduated from kindergarten.

I remember the day I graduated from kindergarten. Each breath was heavy with excitement. My parents’ pride was thick in the air. I felt accomplished.

Oh wait. I didn’t. Because there wasn’t kindergarten graduation. On the last day of school I’m pretty sure my teacher just pushed us out the door, then had a solo dance party celebrating summer.

I’m gonna be unpopular: I think graduations from things like preschool and kindergarten are foolish.

I love celebrations. Yesterday I wrote a whole missive about my thirty second birthday which is pretty freaking insignificant. But you know what? I’ve earned 32. What kid has earned five? I’ve started to feel like this generation of kids is too often spoiled and coddled.

Don’t get me wrong – a baby kid in a cap and gown is freaking adorable. Just look at my little beauty of a nephew:

But if there is a graduation ceremony after kindergarten, why not after every grade? I didn’t have any sort of ceremony until I went from middle school to high school, and then it was called “Promotion,” not graduation. When I did graduate, it was from high school after thirteen years of education (counting, of course, kindergarten).

Mike has always been the cynical one who believes that children should have realistic expectations. I’ve told him he’s a jerk, a downer, a total buzz kill. Who wants to hear that only .0001% of kids make it in the NBA? Certainly not a 12 year old kid whose life revolves around neighborhood basketball.

Yet, lately, as my nephews and friends’ kids have aged, I’ve developed a bad taste in my mouth toward the constant ego-boosting. Both of my nephews got trophies for Little League this year. That’s fine, because they are little (four and six), but I’ve heard that in many Little Leagues today, every kid at every level gets a trophy. What the what?  I feel like a total ass saying this, but IN MY DAY we walked uphill to get trophies, and only the top three teams got them, and you had to skin a hippopotamus to get a trophy that was more than two inches tall.

What has happened to me? Have I become a curmudgeon? Or am I not alone in worrying that we’re doing our kids a disservice for celebrating every little thing they do? Are we ruining our kids?

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

Annabel is slowly taking to the sippy cup. I have been working on her for MONTHS. We have a vast and expensive sippy cup graveyard. Straws, silicon tips, flips, tilties, you name it, we have tried it. For some reason I am not going to argue with, she likes this one:

Of course that cup cost like fifty cents.

I am a strict enforcer of the sippy. Not to, uh, throw anyone under the bus, but some people coughMIKEcoughGRANDPARENTScough are suckers for her big eyes and pleas for “bopple.” I am immune to her tricks. I will not be manipulated by a toddler, dammit! So during the day, it’s sippy or bust.

Unfortunately, even my cold, cold heart cannot outlast her at night. She will NOT take the sippy cup in the evening. Not with dinner, and she freaks out before bedtime until she gets a bottle. I’m not talking general toddler tantrums – this is the full-on wailing, shrieking, “Why are you doing this to me maaaaaaamaaaaaaaa” crying – for HOURS. And since we still live in an apartment building (which is another story for another day, ugh), we really CAN’T let her scream all night. Our neighbors would kill us. I say this with certainty because if Annabel was screaming in another family’s apartment, I would probably light their door on fire. That’s how loud she is.

How can we beat this? I don’t know how to change her routine. I fully admit we have spoiled her to this point, but how can we undo it? HOW HOW HOW! My sanity, it clings to the thinnest thread!

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

Over the course of the last ten days I spent five in New Orleans and five in Los Angeles with my toddler. I know you’re thinking, “Heather, you’re a mom now and you’re like, super old. How could you possibly survive in a party town like New Orleans?”

Well, let me tell you friends. It was easy, because hanging with a toddler is exactly like being around drunk people. Don’t believe me? Take a look at some of the things I’ve witnessed over the last ten days and ask yourself:

Was it a drunkard or Annie who…

- staggered down the street, screaming and belligerent?
- lifted her shirt, exposing her chest?
- vomited unexpectedly?
- threw a fit when her bottle was empty?
- started dancing at the first hint of music (even when no one else could hear it)?
- babbled incoherently for hours at a time?
- fell five times in one minute?
- spilled dinner all over her clothes?
- stayed up all night?
- broke into tears for no reason?
- suddenly laid down on the ground and fell asleep?
- got picked up by older men?

If you answered “drunkard” to all of those questions, you are right! And if you answered “Annie” to all of those questions, you are also right! And if you answered with the hidden secret third option of “Heather” you are right for several of the questions. But only I know which ones!

Don’t worry dad, it wasn’t question two. I totally had a bra on.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

A lot of you have asked me for updates on my friend Jackie! because I haven’t written about her since her surgery in January. I have a hard time writing about her. First, because I get really emotional; second (and most importantly), it’s not my place to tell certain parts of her story.

I went up to visit her in San Francisco the weekend before April 7th. I needed to see her. We spent the weekend together, had a few good meals and a walk on the beach, and did a lot of lounging and talking and just being together. It almost sounds like we had a romantic weekend! And we did share a bed, hee. But it was perfect, watching movies, enjoying each other’s company and easy silences.

After Jackie!’s surgery in January, the doctors discovered her brain tumor had progressed to Stage IV (I’m really simplifying all of this). She entered a drug trial in San Francisco and we all hoped it would do its job and prolong her life.

A couple days after I returned to LA, we found out that Jackie!’s tumor was back. And, it is bigger than it was before her last craniotomy. She decided to enroll in a different drug trial that will require another brain surgery that is currently scheduled at 12:45 PDT today. I say scheduled, because as she was waiting for her pre-surgery MRI, she had a seizure. No one knows how this will impact her surgery schedule, but we’re all hoping it will still go off as planned.

In typical Jackie! fashion, she jokingly updated her facebook status that she had her seizure to “keep things interesting.” I’m not going to talk about her strength or positivity because she’ll read this in a few days and punch me in the face for writing it. I know she says she’s putting on a brave face. But you have to have some inner strength for that, and Jackie! has it.

I am really a nervous wreck about her surgery, even though I have this warped feeling like I shouldn’t be so amped up about it. But I am, I am consumed with thoughts of her and have been for a week now. I just cannot bear thinking of her recovering from another painful surgery, starting another drug trial, dealing with side effects. I just want her to catch a break. I want her parents and siblings and her approximately 18 million nieces and nephews to all breathe a little easier.

Every time I ask you all to keep Jackie! in your thoughts, hopes, and prayers, you all come through for me in a big way. And I’m going to ask again. For Jackie!, the one that has supported me since the day my OB told me all those years ago that my pregnancy with Maddie wouldn’t last. Please lift her in your hearts and minds, pray if that’s what you do, send positive energy, everything you can, to Jackie! and her family today.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.

It’s time for the 2011 March for Babies, the March of Dimes’ biggest fundraiser. There are walks in cities all over the nation. We Spohrs are ready to walk for Maddie for the fourth year in a row. By participating, we are helping The March of Dimes champion the needs of families and babies in our community and across the nation. The money we raise for March for Babies will support lifesaving research, services, education and advocacy that help babies get a healthy start – babies like Madeline’s sister Annabel, who made it to full term thanks in large part to medical advances championed by the March of Dimes.

Last year we were YET AGAIN the biggest family team in Los Angeles, and one of the top family teams in the country. Two years in a row! Woo hoo! Madeline would be so proud. Our team goal is $20,000 – no small feat – but we want to continue our streak as the biggest team in Los Angeles. Beyond LA, we’re hoping that everyone who has walked in Maddie’s name in year’s past will walk again. And to everyone who hasn’t walked yet, we hope this will be the year you join, or even start, a team.

Joining a team means more to my family than any of you may realize. April is hard and emotional, and after the sadness we feel at the beginning of the month, knowing that we will see (either in person or via photos and emails) so many people supporting and remembering Maddie…honestly it’s a light that leads us through.

In the last three years, literally thousands of people opened their hearts and wallets and donated to the March of Dimes in honor of my beautiful daughter, Madeline. The donations that came in after Madeline passed completely blew my family away, and made sure that millions of people, including lawmakers, know the name Maddie Spohr. As a parent, I am proud and humbled.

I only ask for donations for the two most important causes in my life – The March of Dimes and the charity we started in Maddie’s name, Friends of Maddie, which strives to help parents with children in NICUs across the country. This year, I am asking you to consider two options for donating.

The first is the most obvious – donating directly to the March of Dimes through my link here. Every little bit helps, even if it’s only a quarter! In 2009, 90% of the donations our team received were for $10 or less – and we were the top family team in the nation!

The second is a new fundraiser we’re running this year – March for Maddie shirts! Shirts can be purchased here:

http://friendsofmaddie.org/index.php/shop/

Shirt sales are open to everyone (worldwide!), and all proceeds are going towards Team March for Maddie and Friends of Maddie. If you want to wear a shirt at your walk this year, be sure to order them ASAP (no later than noon on April 15)!

If you’re in Los Angeles, we would be honored if you would march with us. You can sign up HERE to join the original March For Maddie team. If you are elsewhere in the country and have started a team, there is a linky widget at the bottom of this post to list your team so others near you can join. Not a team in your area? Start one! Or, if there isn’t a walk near you, join our team as a marcher in spirit.

Thank you again for everything you have done for my family, and in turn, thousands of other families. We miss Madeline so much, but knowing that there are people all over the world that have been touched by her is indescribable. We are all doing amazing things in her memory.

If you have any questions, PLEASE don’t hesitate to email me at thespohrs at gmail dot com.

Marching for Maddie? Please leave your city and team name, along with a link to your team, in the linky widget below.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

© COPYRIGHT HEATHER SPOHR 2012 All rights reserved. This content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means, without the prior written permission of the author.