Comments on: What Do You Say?

By: Judy Christensen

Judy Christensen — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 05:09:15 +0000

You are sooo right on–it’s been almost 5 years since we lost our son and it still is the worst of the worst. Don’t forget them. They have only memories to hold on to and if no one mentions them–they can be lost. Don’t change the subject or “shut down” when we need to talk about our child–they are what we have.

By: In honour of my lovely friend. | Assertagirl

In honour of my lovely friend. | Assertagirl — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 12:59:31 +0000

[...] Anyway, I saw her there in the hotel and I wanted to meet her. I wanted to hug her and tell her that I was sorry that she had lost her beautiful baby girl. I wanted to tell her how much I admired her strength, her ability to somehow make it through each day, nevermind an entire blogging conference. But I didn’t. I was pretty sure she wouldn’t know who I was, so I just kept on walking, telling myself that I didn’t want to interrupt her. I kept on walking because I was one of those people who, in spite of wanting to reach out, wouldn’t know what to say to …. [...]

By: Catootes

Catootes — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 21:07:01 +0000

My sister and I talk about this topic pretty frequently. Her 25 year old son fought a 10 month battle with bone cancer but lost that fight in February ’08. It’s really the hardest thing ever. People don’t want to mention him, for their own awkward feelings, not for my sister’s.

Thanks for the frank statements. Maybe some will read this and not feel so uncertain and offer the much appreciated comfort where it is needed.
Catootes´s last blog ..bring on some smiling tiki’s

By: Lori

Lori — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 14:54:22 +0000

A co-worker of mine lost her 20 year old son a few weeks ago. When she came back to work, I was dodging her because I didn’t want to confront her because I knew I would cry and I didn’t want to upset her. After a few days, I approached her and told her how sorry I was and how I was thinking about her and her family. Yes, I cried and then she cried but I am glad I approached her. Thank you for talking about this, and for your advice. I am so happy I stumbled upon your blog one day. You and your husband are amazing people, no wonder Maddie had the strength and charisma to charm the world! Your daughters are very lucky girls! BTW, Annabel looks just like Mike! Sorry Mama!

By: Caren

Caren — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:37:05 +0000

I am so sorry for your loss. I cry everytime I think of what you both have been through. As the mother of a 2 year old girl, your posts help me remember to cherish every moment (even the ones where I want to pull my hair out). I, too, will never again look at purple as just a color. Even though I never knew Maddie, I think of her often.

By: Beki

Beki — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:50:04 +0000

I’ve followed your blog for quite a while. Never before commenting, but I just wanted to say thank you for this information. No two situations are alike, like you said, but it is wonderful to hear what some actions mean to those dealing with loss.

By: Annie

Annie — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:41:19 +0000

Wonderfully said.

By: katie i

katie i — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:25:38 +0000

wonderful post, and very needed! when my dad died, i also noticed the food, cards, flowers, people dwindled down after the funeral. the weeks and months after are the most crucial for support for sure! my heart goes out to you, as my oldest is 22 mos and i think maddie was born around that time. love reading about annie as my little henry is almost 5 weeks. enjoy following your daily tweets, we are going thru the same fun newborn stuff again. and big kudos to you for all you have done in maddie’s memory. you guys are so amazing! and i know maddie would be so proud!
katie i´s last blog ..Our new little blessing

By: stepho

stepho — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 05:38:54 +0000

Heather, thank you so much (as always) for your bravery, and for sharing this advice. I don’t have a child of my own yet so I can’t even imagine the immensity of your loss. However, my dad passed away in 2003 when I was only 19. Even though the circumstances were different, I 100% agree with everything you wrote here.

I think the hardest thing for me, my mom, and brother, was when everyone disappeared after the service was over. Though our emotions were so raw and intense right after he passed, we got lost in the hussle and bussle of getting his affairs in order and planning a funeral. When that was over, and the friends and family went back to their lives, it felt like there were tumble weeds blowing through our house. I wished so badly more of those loved ones would call, or visit, or email….anything. Just to know that people were thinking of us meant the world.

Good luck you and Mike and Annabel. Maddie will always be missed, but because of your guys’ courage, at least you know she’ll never be forgotten.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 05:23:51 +0000

So well said Heather. Thank you I want you to know I have a picture of Maddie inside the cabinet door in my kitchen. Everytime I open it, I see your girl. I hope you don’t think its weird, I have other cherished pictures of loved ones that I need to see every day with her picture. Love from MN.