When I was growing up, I got a new diary at the beginning of every year. I was determined to write in it every day. I never made it out of January.
In 2002 I started my first office job, where I sat in front of a computer for the majority of the day. I wanted to do something creative with my spare time (I had a lot of it then), so I started an online diary. I hadn’t even heard the word “blog” at that point. I set myself up with a space on Diaryland.com, and started keeping track of my days.
I got bored with Diaryland quickly, and I decided to put some of the HTML skills I learned in college to use. I built myself my own website (all hand-coded), and I wrote about my life there. I’d stay at my desk after my boss left for the day and tell my latest adventures. Being able to type out my life was so much easier than writing it by hand.
Over the weekend I spent some time reading my old blog. I wrote about mostly superficial stuff – what I was listening to, what my friends and I had done over the weekend, and Mike. I sound so young (and I was, I started when I was barely 23), like a different person. I laughed a lot, not only at my attempts to be funny (I am my own best audience) but also at how silly I was. I mean, I REALLY cared who won American Idol. The pictures show how young we were (and BLONDE):
Yes, three of these pictures were taken in the same bar.
On the other hand, I blogged through some exciting and wonderful times. I started writing right after I met Mike, so I have our whole relationship chronicled. I have a detailed record of the time I lived in New York City, down to the restaurants I ate at and the places I went.
I am really thankful I kept that blog, as silly as it might be now. It’s where I learned the discipline to write every day. I get a little sad thinking about the person I used to be, so carefree. It’s almost impossible for me to put myself back in the frame of mind I was in then. I almost feel like I’m reading about a character in a book where I know the ending. It’s hard seeing how happy and hopeful I was, knowing my whole world would be shattered down the line.
I received a notice that it’s time to renew the domain for that blog. I’m uncertain if I’ll keep the entries online – no one is reading them anyway – so I think I might let it expire. I’ll keep a copy for Annabel to laugh at someday – I want her to know the silly young side of me that used to be.
{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }
God, you’ve always been gorgeous. No fair
It’s nice to go back and read what youve written when you were younger… I created a xanga.. i know.. its not like diaryland.. but i guess its the modern diaryland? back when it wasnt popular.. I deleted it a long time ago.. Now i regret it.
.-= pamela´s last blog ..In A World Without Consequences.. (NSFF) =-.
Look at you, all sunshiney and blond! What a gift for Annie– I wish I had something like that from my parents. She’ll love seeing the “old” you.
If you are interested Heather there is a website called http://www.blurb.com/ where you can take your old blog and design it into a real book and get it printed as one. You can make it in all sorts of sizes, layouts, designs, and hard or soft cover. They are fantastic. Just an idea you may want to think about. You can go to the site and check out many different examples of real books persons have actually created. One of my favourites is done by Sheye Rosemeyer a Photographer in Australia about her own blog and of her beautiful family and life struggles including loosing her daughter Ava at 3 years http://www.sheyerosemeyer.com/blog/ a truly insperational women, a Beautifully Gorgeous Photographer, fun blogger and just over all a lovely women and family. Something to think about.
I wish I had the discipline to write each day. I start out with such great intentions. I’m going to make more of an effort because I have a dreadful memory and I don’t want to miss a thing.
I’m sure Annie will enjoy reading all your entries one day.
Another idea is to add them to this site…I’m sure we’d all love to read them too!
I second that.
Third that!
I hope I’m able to save all of my writings for my future child(ren) to read one day too.
.-= InDueTime´s last blog ..Let’s Get Physical, Physical =-.
I started in 2002, too! Mine was a weekly diary for our baby girl, as we travelled the world with her. I wasn’t as gorgeous or as blonde as you, though.
I’m sure Annie will help you rediscover your silly young side in all sorts of ways. Love to you all…
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..The big race =-.
Having that history chronicled, before all the love, before all the heartache, before the “new normal” is such a special thing. I do hope you keep a copy of it, and keep it safe. Sometimes those things make us see how different we are. Other times, they are just what we need to see, to prove that the core values, and heart remain essentially the same. It’s a nice way to make sure you’ve never lost yourself, even as you’ve grown and changed.
You’re right! Blogging is like keeping a diary. It’s a great way to record our personal histories.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I’m never going back to the museum again. =-.
What wonderful memoirs to have, Heather. I wish that all of us could read them ,too! I’m sure that Annie will get some belly laughs out of reading them someday, and say, “oh, mommy; you were silly”! You’re beautiful, as always, in your pics!
Do tell us where your old website is. I’d love to read about the other you. Love the idea about making it into a book too. Great idea.
Coincidentally, the other I was reading my journal from 6 years ago (no idea why and it wasn’t planned). It almost made me cry to read it now knowing the way things unfolded… not that there weren’t some good things in my life since then. But the things and feelings I wrote about were hard to bear now because, well you understand. So from that standpoint, I can relate to how you felt when you read yours. Although I did not experience a loss as profound as yours. … Thanks for sharing so much of your private stuff with us, your thoughts and feelings. It helps people in ways you would probably never expect. … I wish you many bright days ahead to help you when the sadness feels like it would be too much. (((hugs)))
I agree, it is so crazy to read old blog entries – I have only been blogging for four years, but I was a different person even as recently as then. Glad you are keeping a copy for Annie,
xo from CT,
Amanda
I started a diary when I moved out on my own (to a totally strange city all alone) after college in 1997. I haven’t bothered to look back at them because I am sure they are filled with silly thoughts and hopes and dreams (Some came true other slipped by me). I save them for my daughter so that she will know that I was once young, and silly and fun… not just the way she knows me as a Mom. Maybe I will take a quick peek at those later.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..I Love This Song! =-.
How very special to have a record of your life going back to 2002, Heather, and especially to have a record of the start of your relationship with Mike. What a trip down memory lane for you reading through your old entries. Annie will just love reading all about her Mum one day. You look lovely in the photos – as always.
Thinking of you lovely lady.
Love Erica
Yeah, do the blurb thing and have the blog printed. You won’t regret it… mostly.
Can you have a blog printed?? How? I’m documenting the renovation of our farm house and would LOVE to put it all in a “book” for our future reference.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Need a cup of sugar? =-.
Use blogtoprint or blurb
Use the google machine to find those or more. Good luck!!!
Boy do I wish I had something like that…I even wish I had something like that you have now! My sons are all grown up and I don’t have anything documented about it….I can’t read back and see what I was doing when I was 30 weeks pregnant…you are so lucky to have that information….I wish I could go back in time to get mine…:(
.-= Java@nevergrowingold.blogspot.com´s last blog ..ALL CLEAR: FeedMedic Alert for NeverGrowingOld =-.
It’s bittersweet to read that kind of stuff, isn’t it?
I was recently going through my old site, and was reading about the funny stories about the man I married. And, who I am now divorcing.
Bittersweet.
.-= Andria´s last blog ..Which Is It? =-.
Look at you guys
So carefree and happy. It is nice to see those photos.
I used to try to keep a diary too. I always got bored with it and never kept going. I wish I had because it would be so nice to have details from certain times of my life. You’ll always be so happy to have those words, and so will Annie. It’ll give her a chance to know her parents even better, that’s awesome.
Love and hugs.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Sophie the Giraffe =-.
I would love to read it, link please!
I second that! If you post the link, traffic to that site is sure to jump. I’d love to know the “beginning of the story”.
I recently did the same thing with my old livejournal. It’s so neat looking back and not only seeing how silly you were but reading your own memories about some really cool times. I’m really sad though, I lost the majority of my journal when greatestjournal.com went down.
.-= Melissa (Mbonn)´s last blog ..Safe to Eat Cookie Dough =-.
I started blogging in 2003, so I actually have entries that I wrote about my first date with Dave (back when he was just “this cute British guy”). A lot of what I wrote is basically crap, but still, I plan to save it for Catie to have when she gets older.
Love those pics. You’re one of those rare people who can pull off both blonde & brunette. I’m jealous.
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..getting in the game =-.
I’ve never been good at keeping diaries…that’s probably why I don’t do a blog entry every day, either. WOW, you were blonde!
I agree with what some others have said, it’s good to have those things to read over sometimes. I think it helps to see where we’ve been and how we managed.
So, are you going to use a service to print your old blog for you or are you going to do it yourself?
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Kitchen 101 =-.
You have not aged a BIT!
(((Hugs))) from here!
.-= jen´s last blog ..ch,ch,ch,changes =-.
I think it’s a great idea to transfer it over, it’s truly a time capsule. Annabel will read it over and over again. I haven’t been through your ordeals and still I can’t place myself in those carefree days of my early 20s either.
.-= Vaness´s last blog ..What Matters Most: Part I =-.
I kept a “baby diary” throughout each of my pregnancies. My first one is 40 typed pages long and talks a lot about the same things yours did. I plan to keep it also for my kids (who are 10, 7, 4) to read if they choose. I like looking back at it to remind myself that I wasn’t such a terrible writer!
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..This is Depression (Part IV) =-.
I have to admit a little jealousy. I have forgotten so much! I wish I had it all written down.
Sometimes I miss the “old me”, too. Of course, there are a few things that I’m glad aren’t written down. However, the events of the past shape who we are today so I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
What a great treasure for Annabel!
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Weekend Update =-.
If you share the website, I bet just about everyone here would love to read about your old days (with blond hair! Sheesh!!)
I’m glad you write every day. I know it may sound a little silly, as I only know you through this blog and not “in the real world”, but your writing, and the fact that you share your writing almost every day, have really been inspirational to me. I’ve always been one of those people who says “I’m going to write every single day…it will be my New Year’s resolution…in 2014.” For the first time in my life, I’m actually writing (almost) every day! Yesterday, I even mailed a short story to a magazine to try to be published (my 1st submission ever!) I guess you could say you’re my online role model.
Thank you, Heather
.-= Lamb´s last blog ..HGTV Dream Home: I Know Who Is Going To Win =-.
Definitely keep a copy; that kind of stuff is priceless. My mom kept a diary when she was in college, and even though her entries are short and sketchy, it was such a treasure to me growing up– her first date with my dad is in there (as well as their first kiss!), and I remember being thrilled to the tips of my toes when I found that.
Annabel will love it.
.-= J´s last blog ..Top of the page =-.
There are many events in life that take us from that carefree person to someone else. The premature birth of a child and then later the death of a child would change anyone. We lost one of our children at 20 wks gestation and I know that I changed as a person dramaticaly, this is nothing compared to the things you and Mike have faced. The posts will be a great reminder of the old you but know the new you isn’t worse just different. Embrace her too!
How cool to be able to go back and read that! I really wish I had started blogging when I was in my 20′s. Wow how things have changed and my perspective on life has changed. Definitely keep a copy!!
Have a great rest of the week!
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..I can feel it =-.
I have journals dating back to when I was 7 or 8… when I first started to write. I journalled all throughout my life… I love having those tings eritten down. it is such a crazy thing to go back a read those emotions.
.-= kbreints´s last blog ..filling their bellies =-.
That would be hard to let go but awesome you can have a copy. You are gorgeous- then & now! I wish I had blogged before kids. I had journals, but lost them all. And they were all broody and poetic (gross), not transparent writing like I wish I would have known to do.
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..The journey of me & her: on dancing, and beauty. =-.
Yes, you should totally make a book for Annie to read some day. She’ll love it!
My hearts breaks thinking about the old carefree you. You’ll never get that girl back again, but know that you’re still you–warm, funny, generous, and beautiful!
You give me the inspiration to write today!
.-= Jen the Catalyst´s last blog ..I picture the Future. It is beautiful. =-.
My mom is an avid diary writer. She has kept a book each year since her early 20′s. There are a lot of times where my sister and can’t remember when something happened, and my mom will flip through her old journals to find it. I always started and stopped paper journals, and had trouble putting pen to paper, now with my blog I feel like I can finally do the journalling. Even if no one reads it but me, it’s my space to chronicle the things that happen.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Grandma on the Farm =-.
Funny you write about this today. I’m hoping to embark on a new online adventure. I’ve been jotting down things I want to touch on and this was one of those thing.
The old me.
The person I was prior to having 2 children with special needs.
Yeah you look amazing all the time
I know I have said I feel like a shell of who I use to be. That is what suffering and growing and maturing does to us. It’s actually wonderful in so many ways but the hurt you have been through is so much worse than anything I have ever been close to.
I hope you keep the blog for you too. To know that it is okay to be that young and carefree and with so many hopes and dreams. Even if it all is different that you thought it was going to be.
There is nothing wrong with dreaming.
I meant to add that it is also good to grow and mature and know that true suffering is never in vain.
You are such a strong woman, wife, and mother. An inspiration to thousands of people.
All of it because of your journey, your suffering, and your strength.
I love this blog and I am sure your very first blog is great too.
What’s really cute about this is that you were young when American Idol was on the air! I was young when Brady Bunch was on the air. Sheesh.
Let me also add… I am so sorry for your pain. I didn’t mean to skip over that. Keep your journals…it’s all of you and your daughter will cherish it. You have a brilliant, funny and poignant writing ability. I love reading your blog, as do many… and we feel your pain and your joy through your words. There is so much value in it. Know that.
What a great idea for Annie. It’s always hard to look back when you’ve been through such difficulties in life. I don’t look back very often anymore…my parents divorced when I was an adult and pregnant with my first child, my husband and I went through a very difficult time in our marriage to the point we didn’t know if we would make it. Just a few of the adult trials in my life. And though you look back with fondness and a bit of sadness at who you USED to be and you had no idea then that your life would be “shattered”, you now have another life depending on you to show her what love and happiness is. What a joy that must be to you everyday.
I had a livejournal and it definitely makes me laugh. I was such a selfish girl and melodramatic too. It makes me shake my head to read the things which I thought at the time were so important. I talked about being depressed and having a broken heart in those days – before my husband and child died – but that girl didnt even know the meaning of a broken heart.
Sort of makes you want to go and shake yourself eh? I envy that girl in some ways – she still had the best years of her life ahead of her, but she still had the worst pain too. Funny how life turns out…
.-= Ella´s last blog ..Out-running the pain. =-.
I’ve been using livejournal for 10 years and going back to the first year, I was soooo the drama queen! It made me laugh at how the stupidest thing would make me mad or I was so determined to catch every single show of the ones I liked. Now I’m like whoa. I still do entries every so often but not every day like I did before, lol. back then I thought the worst thing in the world was gaining the freshman 15. Then my grandma, whom i was closer to than anyone, died and it seemed like the world became a different place. So important it is to write. Because we can look back and see how much we’ve grown as a person.
Holy blonde bombshell baby!
I did the written diary for years, I got it when I was 10 and then would write in sporactically through college. In college, in 2000 (I was 18) I started using livejournal to chronicle things. I just realized I’ve been doing that for 10 years. Some of it is meme’s and quizzes, but a lot of it is daily life, stuff that happened in school. Livejournal is now offering to make a book out of your entries and mail it to you. I don’t know if I want to do that. My journal is friends only so no outside people can read it unless I give them permission. But it might be a good thing to get and then stash away.
I am so glad you wrote all those things down. It inspires me to keep up with my own journal (still writing in paper over here–might make the switch soon). I think it’s important to remember where we come from.
I suppose I’ve become a regular commenter on your blog! This surprises me, as I always intended to be a lurker. But you see, your chronicle of your own life has become so compelling to me that I visit this blog every day to see how you’re doing. Your words have made a difference to people.
Strangely, my first reaction to those old pictures was also sadness. Exactly like you said, that I was looking at pictures in a story to which I already knew the ending. I wish I could pluck that Heather out of those pictures and keep her safe from the coming devastation.
But on the other hand, those pictures can also tell a story of your future. Your Madeline is on the other side now, and you will see her again, but not in this life. But your Annabel is here and healthy and strong and she is your future in this life. Instead of letting her see the carefree woman her mother was before her, perhaps those pictures (and old stories) can give you a lifeline to the happiness you are developing now and will have again. I know you want that for Annabel. And though you can never return to that level of innocence, you can perhaps slowly regain the joy, the delight in small things, the love of life just because it is life.
Your story has come to matter so much to me. While I know the pain of losing Madeline will never “get better,” I so want the burgeoning joy that I hope is in you to overtake it. So many people care for you. Continue your chronicles for yourself, not for us, but don’t dismiss the person you once were as naive. I hope she can come out and play with Annabel and your other, future, children from time to time. HUGS.
Wow Heather (and Mike) you two are absolutely beautiful! No wonder you make such gorgeous baby girls!
I’m turning 59 in May this year, and I look back on a life of pain and not a lot of joy, but I did have glimpses of joy. Now I am enjoying my grandkids (who came from my one and only child, a daughter), who are a little older now; boys ages 12, 10 and 8, and a girl age 5. They’re a lot of fun and I laugh a lot when I am with them.
I take tons of pictures of them, I have many, many pictures of them as babies and growing up. I might just make them each their own little photo album that they can keep and show their girlfriends someday.
I have a picture of my daughter when she was 1 1/2, coming out of the bathroom having just had a bath. I called her name, she turned around and I snapped the cutest naked picture of her. I kept that picture and sure enough, showed it to her fiancee years later. I still have that adorable picture of her. Glad I had my camera handy.
Wow !!! the memories!! I have all of the love letters hubby wrote to me when we were dating and I have those put aside for my daughter. You can read about the other you and realize you’ve come a long way. As a women… a much stronger one. A daughter, sister, mother… it’s amazing! Stay strong! and silly…
and enjoy every minute of every day w/ Mike and Annie. XXX
Hi Heather,
You look as beautiful today as you did back then! I’m happy you have all of those memories….it is truly a gift for Annie. She will know Maddie well b/c of you.
You are so right about life….it DOES jolt us all at times and cruely takes away our hopes and dreams. It can be so incredibly unfair, hitting us below the belt and pulling the carpet right out from beneath our feet.
Sometimes I like to think we learn the best and most life lesson from our most difficult challenges life throws at us but then there are always those situations when I cannot find ANY reason, ANY lessons….only hurt and profound sadness…like when you lost Maddie and my other girlfriends lost their baby way too soon.
I guess the most any of us can do is keep taking that tiny step forward while remembering to breath and taking solace in the fact, you are NOT alone on this terrible journey that has been bestowed upon your shoulders.
You are not the only one who benefits from your Blog…I know for me, it has been such a gift…one that is slowly growing into a lovely friendship. I couldn’t be more grateful for that…for you.
Thank you..thank you for continuing to brighten the world with your humour, touching it with your pain and making it better with your insight. I know I am a better person for having stumbled upon your blog and falling in love with a precious little girl with big blue eyes and a contagious, beautiful smile! A precious little girl whom I have never met but miss every day.
Thinking of you, Mike, Annie and Maddie…..now and Always!
My Best,
Jenn
Heather…
That is life, it’s all bittersweet and a little rough at times, but no one stays the same. I have never been the same since I lost my sister. My mom is NOT my mother anymore since she lost her daughter,(my siister). It seems like once you lose a loved one, or child, you become a totally different person. A part of you dies ith that person, forever. And that is the worst part of grieving. It shows how much you loved Maddie. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t feel the way you do. You are an amazing woman, mother and wife. I am sure you feel like you have changed immensley, but to other’s you are still…Heather. Inside it’s hard to continue on as the same old self after a horrible loss like yours. But you are gracefully pulling yourself together, with the help of Annie. She quite possibly saved your soul, and happiness. You will find, over time, you will laugh more and more every day. Because Maddie would have wanted nothing more than to see you smile, she always had the biggest, brightest smile of all!
.-= Shannon Kieta´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
Yes, keep it for Annabel. All of your writing will be so precious to her and to her children.
Through your writing, she’ll know you. Think of the gift you’ve given her without even knowing – you chronicled all of her older sister’s life. She will get to know Maddie because of your writing. That is amazing.
.-= Sarah P´s last blog ..Greatest American Hero =-.
I sometimes go through old entries that I wrote (that are no longer published thankthelord!) and laugh at how dramatic I was back then…even more so than now if anyone can believe!
And how simple life was. I too cared about the American Idol winners and what my dogs were up to. Actually, come to think of it, I still care about those things!
I seem like such a different person back then. Carefree, happy, totally unaware of what I’d go through with my mom.
The good ole’ days! They make us who we are now, right?
.-= Dana´s last blog ..In Her Shoes =-.
Just wanted you to keep the Marsh family from Texas in your prayers. Their 2 year old daughter, Layla Grace Marsh, lost her fight with cancer today. I thought that you might be some comfort to them. Her mom tweets on twitter about her and also has a website–www.laylagrace.org
I came in at the beginning of blogging too… on Xanga, at a time when they were called “weblogs” (and I refused to call them blogs when people started doing that). It was 2000 and my first marriage had not yet begun to crumble. Planes had not yet crashed into buildings in NYC. It’s fascinating to go back and read those entries again.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..Another diagnosis? And an update. =-.
While I look at the pictures of who you used to be I also look at the pictures of your Maddie and wonder. I wonder why, why? Why did Maddie leave us?
Mostly I wonder what if we could have a life without pain? My questions have no answers!
I hope and pray that you can put the shattered pieces of your world back together again, and that new love will hold the pieces together, tucking the forever love deep inside. I think that your love for Maddie is deep like an ocean.
It’s hard to let go of who we were sometimes. xoxo
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Future Homemakers Society Rejects =-.
You should get that blog printed as a book. I am sure you will enjoy opening it one day and laughing with your family and remembering the times when you were younger!!
.-= Jessi´s last blog ..RAW(e) =-.
I think it was back in 95 I started writing something on a tripod …some website where I wrote my own html codes. Mostly a ‘blog’ but then, the word blog hadn’t been created so I was just some loser writing to the world all alone……………I don’t think anyone EVER visited it, and I’ve forgotten the page, passwords and logins and such…..so I’m sure the www ate it.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Throwing Stuff At Writers =-.
Heather,
You made me think about who I was when I was young, before all the crazy mix of laughter and many tears.
We look back and think wow who was that, but you know, that is still us, its the carefree, free spirited us, that is still inside of us, we just never let her out anymore. I firmly believe we should at times, I just got back from taken Raina to the Ramada where they have a indoor pool and cuzi as Jada says lol. It was one of her birthday requests, they would beg me to go out and run around the square of our rooms, its an enclosed hotel where you have to go in the building, I kept telling her no way, but I got to looking around and all kinds of kids where running around screaming, and I thought why do I have to make them behave all the time, they need to just be kids, so I turned them loose, with me peeking out the door (they didn’t see me) they thought they were all on their own, they were so proud of themselves, Jada got ready to climb on the railing, we were on the 2nd floor, as I got ready to run and grab her, Raina instantly grabbed her, and as the good little mommy she said no, no Jada you can get hurt, you would fall all the way down there,and it would hurt the baby bad!! I couldn’t have been more proud, as silly as it sounds I cried.
then Raina comes back and says mom run with us, of course I said no way, but I caught myself again being the stuffy mom, I took off and looked back at my girls and said bet you can’t catch me! I have never seen the smiles on them like I did at that moment:)
I often feel that horrible sadness of “I know how this ends” when looking at past blog entries and pictures of Maddie. But, then, that feeling is gradually overpowered by her mega-watt smile, the funny stories of her wonderful (though, of course, far too short) life, and awe at the lasting impact she continues to make.
It’s similar with those pictures of you and Mike. We all so deeply wish we could shield you from what was to come.
No one can take away that you are Maddie’s parents, always and forever. But she should be here. It will always be cruelty that she’s not.
I write a lot when I was age 12. I ventured into the world of blogging in 2003 and I signed up to different blogsites since then. Friendster blogs & myspace blog in college, multiply and imeem at the first year of work, travbuddy when i started travelling, & now wordpress, tumblr & bloggy. I like going back to this links & read what I wrote. I am a terrible writer. But I am proud that even its hard for me to express things on my third language (English) I was able to write what I felt or my days happening on my blog. I’m sure my child(ren) would do nothing but laugh and perhaps criticize my grammar and incoherent sentence structure. But who cares? At least they can get a picture of who I am and how I think before I became their mama. Also, they would appreciate the amount of time and money I put into my blogging. I just recently have a computer, so before I commute 15min away from home to use/rent a pc for $64/hr.
proud.
Now, I promise to learn html code/writing before I get 25 or 26.
I too have a written history of some of my past. I used to keep an actual diary…but it’s SO hard to use a pen for that stuff anymore! Typing is SO much easier. Then I found the blogspot, and I started a couple years ago blogging in that. I keep it private though. I finally just made it TOTALLY private. But I like to read through both the handwritten ones (going back to 1998) and the blog. I realize how small and trivial some things were that were SO agonizing then. I also realize some of the horrible relationship stuff I put up with that there is NO way I would deal with now…I can actually feel some of the tears from when I wrote some of that years ago. I never want to lose it though. It’s an actual part of me. I may not be the same person, but I developed from THAT person. She is a part of who I became. For good or bad.
I think Annie will really appreciate you having those for her. To laugh at, to smile at, to share with you. I have some of the letters, poems, etc my mom wrote years and years ago…I treasure them. Some of them are hard to read – dealing with relationships, my “father”, etc. Some is really touching. I even have the letter she wrote to my grandpa telling him (he was deaf) that she was pregnant with me and even though she was single, she wanted to keep me. It was their back and forth conversation of my actual existance. It’s SO special.
I am so thankful for keeping track of some of my life.
I wish I had access to all of my old blogs!! It must be so fun to look back on that stuff!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Help! =-.
I love reading all of my old stuff. I have all of my archives, save for a couple of months in the very beginning. Even though so much of it is mundane, I still love that I’ve stuck with something so long and have so much of my life chronicled. From the good to the bad.
.-= statia´s last blog ..Blades between my toes =-.
I’ve always been a big time journal writer. I think I got my first diary when I was 8 years old. I have a box full of all my old journals, and I believe there are around 52 of them!! They are fun to read back on.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Heaven has a new angel today …. =-.
Me too.. But stopped when I got online. Pity.
Heather you and Mike are gorgeous still
Keeping the blog for Annie to read is such a good idea! I think I may need to try that…
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Yum. =-.
You look good as a blonde!
It’s always strange to go back and read the older posts isn’t it?
.-= Haley´s last blog ..Dreamboat =-.
Awww, I wish I had access of the, “old you’s” journal entries. Even though the “present you” is just fine. ;o) I am glad though that you’ll be keeping the journal for Annabel to read. That’s awesome. I think subconsciously a lot of women think about their future daughters as they write in their diaries/online blogs. Because it’s something to give to your daughter so she can find you relatable in those times where your relationship is not so great (although I highly doubt you and Annabel will have that problem).
You wrote: “Being able to type out my life was so much easier than writing it by hand.” You’re so right about that. I keep a Xanga account (have since 2004) and I’ve kept it longer than any diary I’ve ever had. I’ve kept a diary for about a couple of days (and that was it). It was never a constant. I guess there’s just something easier about typing it out. I don’t know why but that’s just the way it is for a lot of us.
oooh i like the blonde! sexah!
also? i kept reading Diaryland as “Dairyland” and couldn’t figure out wtf kind of site you were talking about lol.
i was thinking cheese and ice cream.
=P
hugs and love to you and your family!
xoxo
.-= Sara @TomTheGirl´s last blog ..Fun with water (bottle) =-.
Oh how fun – ! Love the documentation of the memories. And I’m sure Annie (and any future siblings) will as well. What I would GIVE to hear / read about my Mom’s life in her 20s…!
.-= susanna peace lovell´s last blog ..Family Reunions =-.
I have kept a diary since I was young, but it has been my adult diary (and now blog) that has helped me look back and reflect on the good and bad times.
So glad you are planning on keeping a copy for Annie to read one day!
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..day 7 =-.
I’m late adding comments to this post but was also going to suggest either making a book on blurb.com or adding the entries here. It’s hard sometimes to make sense of your before and after lives. As a military family we move a lot, and I feel like the people I know now have no idea who I was in my former incarnations. I wish I had a diary of the early years of my marriage and our time living overseas for our daughter to look back on someday.
.-= noelle´s last blog ..Daddy’s Girl =-.
zomg Blondini! ;p
Cute photos of you guys.
I have some journals, paper and online… I know that I cannot imagine your pain, but even I have had moments of looking at old photos, and thinking, Ah, we were so young and carefree and joyous… I guess most people have feelings along those lines.
I’m so glad that you’re keeping your journal for Annabel.
That’s how I feel about the blog I started in 2002. Good times.