I am now a week post-stomach riot, and while I am feeling significantly better, my stomach is quick to remind me it has the upper hand. It’s like, “yeah, I’m not going to refund everything you put in me, but I could. DON’T FORGET IT.” It’s basically a giant bully.
The stomach riot started last Monday right before we were going to leave Mike’s parents’ home. It’s a six and a half hour drive from their house to ours, and that’s if you don’t stop. On the way up to their house, we timed it perfectly – we fed Annie, drove three hours, stopped so we could all eat, then drove the rest of the way. We were going to do the same thing for the drive home, but then the riot started out of nowhere. There MAY have been a Charlotte in Mexico “Sex And The City” movie incident (and that’s ALL I will say about that, OMG).
We really needed to get home, so I told Mike I wanted to attempt the drive. I folded myself into a ball next to Annabel’s car seat and commanded Mike to drive. I was careful to keep Annie’s diapers close. I did well for a while…but then the rumbles and nausea started again. Have you ever tried to not poop yourself? It’s surprisingly difficult.
We had to stop a few times when I just couldn’t take it anymore. At one point I laid on the ground at a rest stop, staring up at the squirrels in the tree branches. I’m pretty sure one of the squirrels was about to start talking to me, but Mike interrupted and said, “you know, we have a car with seats that recline. You could lay in that.”
Parts of the drive are a blur. Literally, because my head was hanging out the window of the car while I puked. It takes skill to do that at 80 65 miles an hour. At other points in the drive my head was practically in Annie’s lap. Like somehow I expected her to be able to rub my head. I considered borrowing her pacifier. WHAT. It settles HER stomach!
I started doing some breathing exercises, and I told Mike to just keep driving, that as long as I didn’t move I could make it home. He agreed, and then about 30 minutes later he pulled off the highway.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”I shrieked
“I have to go to the bathroom,” he replied.
“Oh, sure. Stop to empty your little pregnant lady sized bladder, Mikey. I’ll just keep sweating like crazy trying to keep from pooing!” I might have been shrill.
When he came back out a few minutes later, he had a giant box of Ritz crackers and a pack of beef jerky. It’s like he was TRYING to make me throw up more. I switched to mouth breathing.
When we were a bit past the halfway point, I almost gave up. I told Mike that I needed to stop, and that we could go to my friend Meghan‘s house. As he was pulling off the highway he asked, “How long will you need at Meghan’s?”
I replied, “oh, if we stop, we’re staying all night.”
He jerked the car back onto the road, “forget that! We’re close to your parents’ house! You can make it!”
That’s pretty much when I started crying and saying, “I waaaaaannnnnnt myyyyyyy mooooooooooom.”
After what felt like a million more hours, we finally arrived at my parents’ house, and I took up residence in their bathroom. I think some of my mail is still being delivered there.
I lost about 10 pounds of water weight just from sweating in the car. My skinny jeans still don’t fit.
Rip off.
Today is the 11th, which means that 11% of all sales from Kinga’s Kreations will be donated to Friends of Maddie, and $10 from the sale of each Maddie Bracelet will be donated no matter what day it is!
{ 64 comments… read them below or add one }
That post really made me laugh. And it brought back memories. I once ate a bad oyster on a romantic weekend away, right before the five hour car trip home. We ended up at my parents’ (they’d been minding my daughter for the weekend_ and I remember thinking I would never leave their bathroom. Or eat oysters again.
.-= CarrieB´s last blog ..Handbags and gladrags =-.
Ugh, Mama, I know (sort of) how you feel! I spent 7 hours in the ER last week, threw up once in the hospital, once as soon as we left the hospital parking lot, and once as soon as I sat on our bed.
I finally started craving food Sunday night, but even still my stomach is like “Hey yo, Im’ma let you finish this bite, but don’t forget, I COULD spit this back at you, you know, IF I WANTED TO” lol
Glad you’re feeling a bit better.
.-= In Due Time´s last blog ..2 Cool 4 Skool =-.
O Heather what a traumatic journey home, I really feel for you, but at the same time I am laughing at the way you tell your tale – and how you yelled at Mike, that’s exactly how I would react too! I hope you continue to feel better and I’m sure you’ll be wearing your skinny jeans again pretty soon. Take care lovely lady, big hugs and a big kiss for your adorable Annie.
Love Erica
That’s horrible! I don’t even have a story to compare it to – although I probably just jinxed myself with those words. But I do know how awful nausea and puking are and I think you have earned a very long time without either. Glad you’re feeling better now. And I’m off to google that Charlotte in Mexico “Sex and the City” scene because I didn’t see that movie. I have an idea though…..
Dude. I had food poisoning like two weeks ago. and now you and Brittany have it. I feel for you. But I’m pretty sure I did enough puking and whatnot for all three of us, so I don’t know why you two got sick.
Like I told Brittany, puking and various other orifices expelling stuff SUCKS. My dad showed up while I was at our college health services with an IV in my arm and took me home. Sometimes you just need your mommy yo. Also, I’m NEVER going to a male strip club again. Because apparently those make me puke.
Having a root canal is way more fun than dealing with an intestinal virus. I’m so glad you are on the mend!
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Plant these veggies and your kids will eat them – guaranteed! =-.
Yikes! I’m glad you are feeling better. There are far fewer things worse than intestinal drama. Happy you are on the mend!
.-= charlane´s last blog ..Cake’s Mom’s Day =-.
Thanks for the laugh, Heather (through the hilarious parts),,,not through your feeling horrible! If that was food poisoning; it was one nasty bout, and if it was the flu; thank goodness that Mike or Annie didn’t get sick. Yes;our stomachs tend to stay a little on the queasy side, for awhile, after a bout like that. Hope that you’re feeling 100% soon, and congrats on losing that 10lbs! It’s not the most desired way to do it, but at least you did it!
Oh no I’m so sorry. A year ago I had it bad – projectiling out of both ends simultaneously – I didn’t even know that was possible – but I assure you it is. The sad thing is usually about a week after you gain back most of what you lost. I haven’t seen my skinny jeans in years, I miss them so.
Isn’t it funny how vomiting, and pooing your brains out, makes you want your Mommy? I was so sick in November, and made my husband stay home with the little lady, and had my Mom take me to the ER. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..A Mother’s Day! =-.
Oh, man! That sounds like our entire Christmas holiday! The stomach sick from hell hit one of us every three hours. My family has really sensitive stomachs anyway, so tummy bugs are our arch-enemy. Glad you’re mended!
.-= Jen L.´s last blog ..GIVEAWAY from CSN stores =-.
I am sorry you were so sick
Luckly I never get that sick except when Im pregnant, unfortanetly I have 3 kids…..So I may know how you feel!
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Future Nascar Racer? =-.
Aw. That’s how I spent my 30th birthday. It was awesome.
AND, that is TOTALLY a rip off. Ineffective stomach viruses are jerks.
.-= Sarah P´s last blog ..You can’t spell "WOMBAT" without "WOMB" =-.
Stomach riots are the suck!!!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day… =-.
P.S. I’ve totally tried to not poo myself…it’s definitely a LOT harder than you’d expect!
.-= AmazingGreis´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day… =-.
That sounds like a GODAWFUL day. But it makes a very funny story. So glad you are back to feeling well!
Oh my! I can just see the exchange as Mike pulls off the road so he can pee. I tried not to laugh OUT LOUD!
It didn’t work.
(((Hugs))) from here!
.-= jen´s last blog ..customer service epic fail =-.
Ooooh…traumatic. Makes for a good story though, lol.
Glad you’re feeling better!
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
Ew. Glad you are feeling better. Sounds AWFUL. I guess we’ve all been there at one time or another, desperately trying not to poop our pants. What a terrible, helpless feeling that is. I’m happy to see that you were able to turn it into a rather funny little story! So you see, it was ALL WORTH IT. Muwahahah.
(((hugs)))
.-= Deborah´s last blog ..A Weekend of Painting =-.
I have to say I feel really sorry for you. Nothing is worse then feeling like you are going to poo your pants. We went to Az, and we had to travel clear back to Nebr. and I had bowel problems and was sick to my stomach.. All I wanted to do was sleep and get the heck home.. I feel for you and Im so glad you are feeling better.
Hugs,
Oh no. That really sucks. I had a stomach virus or maybe food poisoning once, and the bad part only lasted maybe 2 hours, but it was the worst 2 hours of my life. I was sitting on the toilet and leaning as far forward as I could so I could vomit in the bathtub. (Didn’t have a bowl handy.) I cannot imagine going through that hell without my own bathroom handy. And I may or may not have had a small Charlotte-like incident in my own BED so yeah. I feel your pain.
I shouldn’t laugh, because it sounds horrible. But I’m laughing.
Glad you’re feeling better. And home safe and sound.
.-= J+1´s last blog ..Not your typical Mother’s Day post =-.
LMAO, Just awakened after a night of tornadoes, some two miles from our house, then horrible horrible dreams because this IS this week from hell-tomorrow Tomas’ suicide date, Thursday-one year since my mom died, and Saturday, four years since we removed Tomas’ life support-)Oh, and throw in Senior Day at Tomas’ elementary school where they will pay tribute to him because he would be graduating this month-and WHAT happens when I read this blog, I am CRACKING up laughing. I have been in that lovely state of “trying not to poop yourself” while in Madrid, pregnant with first baby. after eating cold soup In Segovia, riding home on a bus with tons of people. 1975 came back to me quickly after reading your story. You are so funny. Thanks for helping me get out of my post-dream horror.
I am so glad you are feeling better. Couldn’t help but chuckle at your story though. Hopefully I was laughing with you and not at you
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Ugh, that sounds horrible. My husband had a similar experience when we were on vacation in Colorado and driving from the airport to the condo we had rented in the mountains. It was quite a challenge to find the bathrooms along the way since we didn’t really know where we were
Glad you’re feeling better.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day =-.
Wow that sounds absolutely horrific….but it does make a very funny story. I’m sorry you were so sick! Doesn’t sound like something you would even wish on your worst enemy!! Have a great Tuesday!
I’m glad you’re on the mend Heather. That sounds like an awful car ride!
.-= Anjie´s last blog ..Peace and Relaxation =-.
Oh wow, that sounds miserable. I am so glad that you feel better!!!
WHATEVER, MIKE.
I am a lovely overnight hostess. I leave milk and cookies by the bedside. I have special soaps and new loofahs in the shower for each guest. AND MORE…
But you’ll never know now, because you’re never invited to spend the night at my house again.
.-= Meghan (AMomTwoBoys)´s last blog ..Trading Diapers =-.
I will not tell you about my horrific drive home while trying not to throw up/poo story, but I will tell you we ended up having to sell the car.
I’ve felt that pain, and I am sorry. Hope you are feeling much, much better.
.-= Jenny @ http://motherlawyercrazywoman.blogspot.com/´s last blog ..Nekkid =-.
Yuck! That sounds awful. I can picture the whole scene with the sweating and all. How horrible for you! The crackers and the beef jerky would have sent me over the edge.
I just ordered my Maddie Bracelet. Can’t wait for it to get here. It looks so pretty.
Having to do a trip of 5-6 hours when sick is no laughing matter. It’s amazing how bad one can feel, added to it that you have to get home or stay on the road sick… Horrible.
Lucky that your parents were finally in reach, it’s so nice to come home at times, really home, the home where you grew up in.
.-= Catherine Lucas´s last blog ..The spirit in the wood =-.
I had the bug for 24 hrs. Didn’t eat. All I drank was ginger ale. Horrible. Can’t imagine doing a 6 plus hour trip. Glad you’re feeling better!
That’s just awful. Poor Heather!
Two years ago we drove from CA to TX to visit family. We had a 15 passenger van with 8 kids at the time ages 16 down to 6 months. We all caught some kind of 8 hour stomach virus on the drive home to CA, and it literally went around from person to person during that 22 hour car ride. It was like it had a 2-hour incubation period or something. First one kid started to throw up. We had to pull over for that one. Then two hours later, the next kid started, then two hours later the next kid, and so on and so on. We finally just hung trashbags around the kids’ necks so that we didn’t have to keep pulling over. It was AWFUL. I guess some people would have just stopped and stayed the night somewhere, but we had to get home for my husband’s work. So we just kept driving. The smell in that van…can you just imagine? And I was in my first trimester of a new pregnancy, so I was already feeling yucky just from that. It was the worst car ride ever! Eight kids throwing up. Yeah, that’s fun.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Celebrate with Cakes =-.
Trash bags around their necks?! That’s hysterical!
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Mother’s Day =-.
I’m so glad that that part of your life is over with! I love your style of writing, so funny and unexpected! You make the hard times funny in hindsight. Take care!
I had a stomach riot of my own, once. 48 hours after my daughter was born. Picture this: you’re trying to cope with learning how to care for a newborn, recovering from labour, adjusting to the fact that you’re now a parent, and all of a sudden you are SMACKED DOWN with a nasty stomach bug. I could NOT stop from pooping myself, because my muscles were all weakened by labour. And of course we were totally sleep-deprived. I somehow got it into my head that I was going to be like this (incontinent) permanently, that I had ‘broken’ something during labour …
It was the worst two days of my life. And then my husband and the baby got it.
Sigh. Stupid hospital birth (yep, that’s where we got the germs).
.-= wordygirl´s last blog ..Gwendolyn Jessie Buechler =-.
That’s probably takes the cake for worst experience ever. I get carsick, so I can’t imagine suffering through that. Ugh!
My worst experience with stomach riot came with food poisoning — I went to a dance, met a cute boy, then came home and lived in the toilet. And since I was at dance camp, I struggled through hours of vomiting to go the performance that I’d been rehearsing for. I did. Looking like death and wearing thick glasses.
Hmm, come to think of it, that’s probably why I quit dating boys.
Been there. NOT fun. Glad you’re feeling better.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Mother’s Day =-.
We are just getting over that very same bug, trust me, stay away from dairy, for a solid week after your last symptoms. My doctor told me that and I didn’t listen, one little ice cream sandwich put me back at square one. It was like a twisted game of Sorry. Feel better!
Not nearly as cool as Zoot Suit Riot.
Ugh……I’ve done the car ride with a bucket in front of me and a diaper shoved down my pants because I had zero confidence in my ability not to poo myself. Not fun. My 18 month old and my mother both got the same bug on that trip……I don’t think I’ve had a moment since to match the embarrassment of putting dirty sheets out for housekeeping at a hotel—and then calling to BEG for late checkout b/c 2 steps away from a bathroom was 2 steps too many. And back home the rest of the family was sick too….in a house with only one bathroom. I totally feel your pain.
I am laughing so hard I’m crying! I don’t know if that’s your intention but I just can’t help it!
I love it how you can be so candid about this! I’m 24 years old and I still refuse to admit that I poop although we all totally have those rumbly in the tumbly moments at the most inconvenient times. I’m sorry you had to survive such a miserable trip!
You talk about poop all the time. Liar. Well, at least to me you do. Poop poop poop.
.-= moosh in indy.´s last blog ..unsilenced. =-.
OMG that sounds like the car ride from HELL!
Ok~this story is (pathetically) hysterical. Just when you think it can’t get worse, it did!
Beef jerky?! He brought beef jerky into the car with you feeling like that?! Where’s the love…where’s the Depends?! Where’s the gingerale?! Where’s the hotel?!
I’ve had the try-not-to-poop-yourself roadtrip with friends…I got so desperate we pulled over on the 5 (heading from SoCal to NorCal) and did it on the side of the road~where there wasn’t a tree or bush or nary a scrub brush to hid behind. Guck!
Glad you are on the mend!
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Mother’s Day =-.
There are no words to describe how I feel about this post. Just… xD
.-= Amanda M.´s last blog ..Nook Wallpapers: Twilight =-.
When I visited my friend all the way over in Turkey almost exactly a year ago, I spent the first few days reveling in all the new food, new spices, etc with no side effects at all. Then, on a long bus ride, it was like my stomach (in one split-second) decided that it had had enough of all the exotic stuff. I don’t want to go into too much detail (this was hands-down the most mortifying experience of my life), but I didn’t make it to the next stop. I try to laugh when I think about it, but that’s not easy to do!!
So glad you’re on the mend!
Oh, man. So sorry. That sounds awful!
I’m pretty sure everyone has a good food poisoning story. Mine ended up in the ER with some very powerful pain medication. I hurt so bad and it was worse than contractions because it just clenched my stomach and never let go………it was bad.
Glad to hear you’re feeling better!
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..To My Kids =-.
Oh my God, that sounds just terrible. You poor girl. I really hope you are feeling better now.
.-= J from Ireland´s last blog ..Ireland is in mourning. =-.
I feel so bad for you…I really, promise, pinky swear that I do.
But holy shit I’m laughing right now. Sorry dude.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..She does everything her way =-.
Oh you poor thing!! There is just nothing worse! Hope you are soon fully recovered! xx
.-= Emma´s last blog ..I got love for you if you were born in the 80′s, the 80′s…… =-.
You own skinny jeans!?
.-= moosh in indy.´s last blog ..unsilenced. =-.
I know you’d probably want to kill me for saying this but: I laughed out loud to a lot of things in this entry. I couldn’t help it! But seriously—I am glad you’re fine now. That just sounded so horrible what you went through.
oh mama, that was the best post ever! you can even make the stomach flu sounds hilarious. sorry you had to go through that
.-= jill´s last blog ..swing, swing, swing. =-.
OMG – You are so funny Heather! I’m so sorry you were soooo sick but I’m glad you are MUCH better now!
Be well my funny friend…..be well.
Love,
Jenn
In my youth, while in Acapulco for a week, I spent what felt like a month in the hotel bathroom. It was a nice bathroom – can’t say much for the rest of Acapulco – as I NEVER left the room.
I had THAT nasty flu about a month back!
Seriously, I don’t think I have EVER been THAT sick before! But I didn’t experience it on a 6 hour car ride (Thank God!)
Kuddos to you for toughing it out! …And Mike to
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Mother Nature Strikes Again ~Post-it Note Tuesday =-.
It sounds like the car ride from hell! I’m glad you’re feeling well enough to laugh about it now! LOL
GIRL! That’s when I tell husband, you better get a room, homeskillet. I am DONE. I have food allergies anyway, stomach bugs almost kill me so if I catch one, you better get me to the hospital lol. I am SO glad you are feeling better, and next time maybe skip the trip if you are sick?
Oh I feel for you! I used to make fun of my Mom all the time, she suffers from IBS and always had to run into bathrooms at the craziest times!
Well, now I’ve got IBS! And let me tell you, there have been some Charlotte moments in my life, and I know I’m being punished for making fun of my Mom! I freaked my son out a few years back, driving home from my sisters bday party, I felt an attack coming on. We were on the expressway and I had to drive 2 miles to the nearest exit. It was the LONGEST 2 miles of my life, and lets just say, it did NOT end well! My son was only 7, and the noises I was making freaked him out!
Now we all laugh about it, but I always make sure that if I have to drive longer than 20 minutes, I don’t eat anything that will trigger my IBS!
I hope you’re feeling better!!
Oh ye lords, you poor dear.