I think a lot of parents spend the first year of their child’s life introducing them to things while simultaneously thinking, “I can’t wait until s/he is older and can REALLY enjoy this.” It’s not that they’re wishing their child’s life away, it’s just excitement to see their reactions to the things we love.
I LOVE fireworks. One of the many perks of my old job were the frequent Fireworks Nights. On our honeymoon, I was downright giddy by the fireworks display put on by Sydney, Australia. So obviously I love the Fourth of July. I couldn’t wait to introduce fireworks to Maddie, especially since Mike doesn’t find fireworks as exciting as I do.
Last year we spent the holiday weekend in Northern California. We gathered on the deck of Mike’s parents’ house to watch the local fireworks show, my then 3 1/2 year old nephew sooooo excited about the impending light show. I held Maddie, telling them both all about the magical colors we’d see. Maddie yawned. She maybe lasted for one minute of the show before she fell asleep in her daddy’s arms. I though, “oh well, next year she’ll LOVE the fireworks.”
This year I watched my hometown’s fireworks with my mom and cousin. We found a nice spot on the plateau of a hill and laid out blankets. I watched the families around us. I wondered what Maddie would think of the other little kids. I imagined her clapping with delight at the purple fireworks.
They were so pretty.
It’s so hard to experience life without her, wondering what she would have done. Longing for her.
{ 91 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful pictures thanks for sharing. Hugs
.-= Nightowlmama´s last blog ..It’s Not Too Late Send A Free E-Card Today =-.
the pictures are beautiful, especially the purple ones.
.-= pamela´s last blog ..Does he notice? =-.
Those pictures really are beautiful! You are such a great photographer!
I wish she could have been there to enjoy those beautiful fireworks with you!
Praying for you guys….
.-= Jessi´s last blog ..MckLinky and other random stuff… =-.
xoxo…
.-= Chrissi´s last blog ..we be jammin’ =-.
OMG fantastic photo set. We missed the fireworks for Canada Day, unless you count some booms heard in the ‘burbs. Thanks for these.
Such gorgeous photos…the first one is my favorite. thanks for sharing. <3
.-= Ohmygoshi´s last blog ..I wish… =-.
beautiful photos! yes, i can imagine maddie with that amazing smile squealing and clapping her hands in delight.
as always, hugs for you
.-= laura´s last blog ..feeling just a touch of patriotism =-.
Wow! My fireworks photos are always fuzzy. How nice of the Australians to put on fireworks for your honeymoon.
Sending love and hugs your way.
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..Darlings =-.
aww – what amazing photos! i can only imagine maddie being closer to the fireworks and being delighted.
.-= kat´s last blog ..all people care about are the pictures! =-.
She saw them honey. I know she did.
*hug*
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Weekly Winners =-.
Beautiful pictures, Heather.
Thinking of you guys.
.-= Daddy Dan´s last blog ..Potty Training, Hernias, and Celebrity Deaths =-.
Such wonderful pictures!
I think Maddie would have done her signature look. I think she would have looked at the fireworks, then back at you, then back at the fireworks, then back at you and then a big smile would have errupted on her face with delight.
.-= Kathryn´s last blog ..Caught in the crossfire between a nightowl and a morning bird =-.
How my heart aches for you. I know the feeling of wanting your little one back. I wish she could have squealed and clapped right beside you!!
love those fireworks, especially the purple ones.
Maddie would of loved them…
Sending my love take care
Lisa
You really are incredibly talented with that camera!! Amazing pics.
I wish I could give you all of your missed experiences. These fireworks, every missed day, every day yet to be missed, every experience yet to be had. Maddie belongs in your arms, in your life. Experiencing your experiences with you. It breaks my heart that you can’t hold her and love on her and live these moments with her – watching the joy in her eyes.
Once again, you remind me to always REALLY experience and appreciate every moment with my little girl. I wish that I could give you that joy back – I couldn’t imagine not having this in my life. I’m just so devastated for you.
As always, love and hugs to you, Mike and Rigby. My thoughts are always with you and your beautiful Maddie
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Tasty! =-.
Heather, it’s not just hard. It’s unimaginable. And the reality is so truly painful. She would have loved them though, and like you, I picture her excitement at watching them with you both. xxxx
.-= Seraphim´s last blog ..In a heartbeat =-.
You really did get amazing photos of the fireworks. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Sending big (((hugs))) your way.
I’m so glad that you still went and saw the fireworks. I know it’s hard for you to do these things without her, but I know that Maddie saw them and loved them too.
Also, your photographs are lovely. I’ve completely given up on taking pictures of fireworks that don’t look like a pitch black canvas.
.-= Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com´s last blog ..Because of a unanimous declaration. =-.
Maddie would have loved them. They’re wonderful just like her.
Amazing photos.
The longing that you feel, Heather. I can only try to imagine. Giving you my love today, like always.
Sydney says come back soon. I would be the best tour guide you’ve ever known.
XOXOXOX
.-= eden´s last blog ..Topcat 4 Gemini =-.
Those are beautiful fireworks!
Maddie had the best seats in the house, she got to watch them with the Angels this year =)
I love you Heather
(((HUGS)))
Krystal
.-= Krystal´s last blog ..Heartache =-.
I have to tell you that even though I don’t know you in real life, I always think about you when a holiday or special day comes around, knowing that you are struggling. Thinking of you and Mike, and of Maddie, of course.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..holiday, celebrate =-.
I’m not entirely sure what I believe in. I certainly don’t believe in God, or that our babies are in a better place (both our baby girls should be here with us – what better place could there be?) but I’d like to think your Maddie saw the fireworks, from wherever it is she’s waiting for you in eternal life. I hope she’s found my baby girl, and I hope they watched them together.
and ps: I’m Australian, so I’m glad my country could put on such a nice show for you on your honeymoon. Come back, and we’ll do it again some day.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Le Tour of memories =-.
She was with you….in your heart. Thank you for sharing your pictures, they are spectacular, just like Maddie.
.-= Mrs. Schmitty´s last blog ..Lady Liberty Rocks! =-.
Hi Heather…
You are so right. It must be gut wrenching to experience the things that you hoped to share with your little Maddie.
Sending a hug.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Tell me I’m not the only one =-.
Your Maddie is alive in all our hearts. God bless you all~!
.-= melodi´s last blog ..2 years….into our journey =-.
Great fireworks shots Heather. I thought about you and the first fourth of july without Maddie. Another first gone. I sincerely hope it will become a bit less painfull, but then I know that it will take a lot of time. Good that you were with people who love you watching the fireworks.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Horses in the water =-.
Gorgeous pictures. Maddie would have loved them and I’m glad you watched them for her.
Hugs.
Thank you for sharing. I’m thinking Maddie was watching too. I bet she loved them.
I hope that you found some joy in the fireworks this year. I bet Maddie would have loved them, maybe not the noise so much but certianly the light show. I am not sure what you religious beliefs are, or what you think about angles, or where the soul goes after passong (and I am not going to try to sell you on mine) I just wonder if maybe Maddie was there with you wothout you even knowing. I hope you find some peace today and eat more than just cereal…try waffles just as easy and warm to boot. As always you, Maddie, Mike, and sometimes Rigby are in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh and I should not say that sometimes I pray for the dog, nost of the time I do, I know he misses his playmate Maddie too!
On Saturday night there was a huge purple firework that covered more sky than any of the rest…I thought of Maddie.
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..Why bother mopping? =-.
I think of you so often and wonder how you’re doing. I imagine that you have struggles throughout ordinary days and that moments like this are especially hard. I so wish you didn’t have to feel the bitterness of longing.
I’m glad you watched the fireworks with your family. I hope you felt Maddie’s incredible smiles in your heart.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
While watching the fireworks here in Pittsburgh, I thought of you and Maddie. I believe that she saw the fireworks with you and in true Maddie form, she made that adorable face that she made each time she was amazed by something.
Oh Heather…
I took all of my kids (except the 10 month old) because here in PA the weather is freakin’ freezin”), and we were sitting there watching them. My four year old was laying on my lap. I was bawling my eyes out. Probably the only one. It was six months to the day since I lost my sister. She absolutely LOVED fireworks. Every year she would go see them in Pittsburgh since she lived in downtown. It is so sad to go through life without our loved ones, but so soothing lnowing they are in a better place than we are and we are all going to be together again someday. Hang in there Heather. Luv Ya! SHannon
I’m not surprised that she fell asleep…I didn’t appreciate the fireworks until I was at least six. Maddie probably would have clapped if there were any pink and purple ones, though. Just a guess
The purple ones were my favorites this year…
Steph
.-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..For Lynda =-.
They were beautiful Heather. I wish maddie could of been sitting by your side, Mt thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
Dear Heather,
Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and photos with us. Through reading your posts and seeing the photos of your precious Maddie you have shared, I too can imagine her clapping her hands in delight at those purple fireworks. This image of your Maddie brings a great big smile to my face, she would have so loved watching the fireworks with her Mum and Dad. Of course its unbearable at times experiencing life without your precious Maddie. I’m thinking of you, dear sweet Heather. The lavender in my garden over here in Luxembourg is in full bloom now and every time I catch a glimpse of it throughout my day, I think of your World Famous Maddie and her wonderful parents.
Sending you a great big virtual hug, dear Heather.
I hope you have a peaceful day.
With love
your stranger friend, Erica in Luxembourg
Wow, those firework pictures are outstanding, beautiful. I wish Maddie could have been there with you laying on a blanket, clapping for those fireworks.
(((hugs)))
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Happy 4th of July =-.
I thought of Maddie during the fireworks too…especially during the purple ones.
No words of wisdom…my heart still breaks for you.
I wish I could hug you!
Beuatiful pictures!! I bet Maddie would definitely have loved the purple ones!! God Bless.
Courtney in New York.
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..This Rain is CRAP! =-.
De-lurking to give you and Mike hugs and love.
Holding your hand from Texas . . .
Thinking of you guys. xoxo
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Happy 4th of July =-.
beautiful pictures… it looks like the fireworks are dancing for maddie.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..all business (maybe… kinda… sorta…) =-.
Great pictures of the fireworks. Heather, she was those fireworks with you. She was sitting right next to you on that blanket, oohing and aahing over each one…especially the purple ones.
~Hugs from TX
GREAT pics!
.-= Mindy´s last blog ..The Varsity =-.
I do think she saw them and squealed and clapped with delight! She had a spectacular view too!;) I imagine some of the purple ones were sent from her espescially for you! (((HUGS from a stranger)))
Heather,
I think it’s wonderful that, despite your heartbreak (of which I couldn’t even begin to imagine), you’re still doing ‘stuff’… experiencing things for both you and Maddie Moo. I know your thoughts are consummed by Maddie (rightfully so!) and it is so sad (and unfair!) that she’s not there with you… but how wonderful that you’re continuing to do things for the both of you and that with every moment you see things not only through your eyes, but Maddie’s. I know it sucks (it really, really, REALLY does) to have to live life for the both of you, but what a great mommy Maddie has to fight through her pain and share such moments not just with her, but the rest of us. I think of you more then I ever thought possible. I never had a favorite colour before Maddie came along (I felt it was unfair to the rest of the colours to discriminate like that) but now I see everything in purple. *hugs*!
.-= Kristel´s last blog ..Attention to Detail =-.
Sweet Heather, she DID see them, with you. She will always be alive, she is part of you, and lives in your heart, and will forever go where you go. She is you. Believe me, Heather, she saw them with you….one day you’ll be with her, and she’ll tell you everything she saw, right there with you. For Always. You know she’s there, you feel her, all the time..
She had to be there, love.
.-= Becky´s last blog ..I Wouldn’t Stand Too Close If I Were You =-.
I wondered the same thing on Saturday.
.-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..lost and found =-.
Faith….hope….love….peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..Slow Learner =-.
Hello,
I am one of your many blog followers, but have never commented before. I find myself thinking of you guys often and praying for you. I never realized how often you were in my thoughts until I found myself watching our fireworks Friday night and thinking of Maddie every time I saw purple ones. I find it amazing how many lives she has touched in her short life, so many more than most people do in an entire lifetime. Hoping you can find love, peace, joy, and comfort knowing this. You’re in my prayers.
Heather these are great photos!! I am so sorry Maddie wasn’t there this year, although I have a feeling she was with you in spirit clapping and squaling with delight at the purple fireworks. Oh my heart aches for you everyday. I think about you and Maddie everyday and I don’t even know you. I keep you both close to my heart. Thank you Heather, you are making me a better mother by slowing down and enjoying every moment. You are touching lives. Don’t stop writing.
HUGS
.-= Kelly Woolen´s last blog ..Stay in the Moment =-.
Maddie would have been saying. “WAAAOOOOOW” and clapping her hands. Im sure of it.
(((HUGS)))
I am another person you don’t know who has been thinking about you every single day. Experiencing life going on is one of the hardest things about mourning, I think. I am holding you in the light (that’s a Quaker thing).
Haha @Chrisie…. “waaaooowww!”… sounds about right.
Still thinking of you every day. Every. Day.
and those pictures are beautiful.
.-= Della´s last blog ..This, too… =-.
Aching for you and your terrible loss….again, so glad you have family around you. Thought of you lots on the Fourth.
You take beautiful pictures…and thats a blessing because of all those pics, your memories will live forever. God bless. xoxo
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Moving On Up… =-.
Great pics!!! My brother and sis-in-law lost my niece when she was a year old and 26 yrs later, my sis-in-law thinks of her every.single.day. Wonders if she would’ve graduated college and what profession she would’ve had, etc… My heart aches for her and YOU too Heather! Sending you hugs! XX
I like the way you were so bold with Maddie, wanting her to experience everything. I admit I am guilty of putting my daughter down at her usual bedtime, thinking, “Next year, when she’s 3, she’ll REALLY be old enough to get them,” while my husband and I enjoyed them from our next-door neighbor’s roof deck, baby monitor in hand.
Now I wish I’d brought her along, especially to enjoy the purple ones for Maddie.
I believe Maddie was enjoying those fireworks too. I just wish she could have been sitting with you to watch them.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..A notice to the general public =-.
I have a 2 month old son and I think one of the strangest new feelings I have is the bittersweet excitement at him seeing and learning new things, how he grows and chnages. I love every minute of it, while at the same time wanting to stop time and keep him my sweet little baby forever. I think of your wonderful Maddie every day, and I pray for you and Mike. You are doing an amazing job keeping her memory alive.
Those pictures are stunning, Heather. How hard it must be to experience one of your favorite things without your beautiful daughter by your side to share them with.
4th of July is my favorite holiday and I’ve always loved fireworks. I watched them the other night and thought of Maddie every time I saw a purple spark.
Her spark will never go out…will never be forgotten… because of her amazing self and her amazing Mommy (and Daddy).
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..There but for the grace of God… =-.
Your photos are stunning. These are tough milestones, though.
Thinking of you.
.-= Casey´s last blog ..Not egg-cellent enough =-.
I will always think of her when I see purple fireworks.
I like what Christy said too – Maddie surely would have been saying WAAAOOOOOW – I’m sure of it too.
(((hugs today from Georgia)))
I’m not sure how to write the “pop” “whoosh”, “crackle” sound effectively, but I can hear the “OOOHHH” “AHHHHH” that follows.. in my head, perfectly. … Thanks again for sharing your holiday.
(((Hugs)))
Beautiful pictures. I know Maddie would of loved the fireworks…((hugs))
.-= Jodee´s last blog ..Our 4th of July weekend… =-.
I was thinking of you this weekend. Hoping you’re days are getting a little easier. I’m sure that they aren’t, but still hoping they are! God Bless!
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time Heather. I cry every time I read your blog.
I have 1 month old twins in the Nicu( they were born at 27 weeks), and I sobbed during the fireworks because I missed them so much. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if I had known they would never be there with me. My heart goes out to you.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..They’re Here =-.
My husband is a pyrotechnician and shoots our local firework show. Every year he askes me and the kids what color firework we want him to shoot just for us.
This year all the purple ones were for Maddie.
I’m praying for you Heather.
.-= Apple Sauce´s last blog ..8th Grade Wisdom =-.
oh, i have no doubt maddie saw and loved them. she had a much better view we did, she got to see all of them! I am sorry for your heart ache.
http://randommusingsfrommypov.com
.-= kay´s last blog .. =-.
In the words of Maddie, WAH-OOOW. Those fireworks pictures are beautiful, Heather.
xoxo
.-= Alison´s last blog ..In Honor of Finals Week… =-.
I thought about you on the 4th and knew how much you would be missing Maddie.
The pictures were beautiful.
I’m not sure why you were on my mind this morning, but I thought I’d let you know that people you don’t even know are thinking about you at totally random times during the day.
XXOOXX
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Why me??? =-.
Hey Sweetheart,
I’m glad you went to see the fireworks even though, I know they were very bitter/sweet. I’m sure Maddie was watching from Heaven as well.
As always, thinking, praying and wishing the best for you, Mike and of course, beautiful, beautiful Maddie!!!
Take Care my friend,
Your “Stranger” Friend,
Jenn
Congratulations on your Blogluxe nomination!
I know it may not be your priority right now – but maybe it’s an interesting 5 minute distraction from everything.
Love to you,
Joy
.-= Joy´s last blog ..High. =-.
What beautiful pictures! Maddie would have loved the fireworks-I know she watched them from heaven with you. ((hugs))
Heather
She did get to see the fireworks and she did get to see them with you. That is why there were purple fireworks. Hugs to you
Jenelle
Dear Heather,
Its 9am here in Luxembourg and I’ve been thinking about you and Mike from the moment I woke up. I was looking at the beautiful purple lavender in our garden whilst having breakfast and thinking about your precious Maddie and all the precious moments in her life you have so kindly shared with us in your posts. Thank-you so much for continuing to share this amazing little lady with your readers. As I have said before, it is a great honour for me to read about your World Famous Maddie in the words of her wonderful Mama.
Dear sweet Heather, you and Mike will be in my thoughts the whole day today and your World Famous Maddie has a very, very special place in the heart of this stranger friend.
I hope your precious memories of your amazing little lady give you the strength to get through today.
With much love
your stranger friend, Erica in Luxembourg
Love you and your blog and your Maddie…Always thinking of your family.
.-= Mom2Gizmo´s last blog ..Blessings =-.
I wish I had words. Just know we are praying for your comfort. ((Hugs))
Heather,
I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I think about Maddie often. I miss her so much even though I’ve never actually met her. I always find myself talking about Maddie like she’s a close family member when I’m out with friends. It’s like I get lost in my own world for a moment when all I can do is smile when I think of her. I thought of Maddie on the 4th of July–the fireworks were especially amazing this year. Believe or not, the final fireworks in the sky were purple and the only person I could think about was Maddie. I am grateful for the opportunity to have met Maddie through the beautiful photos you share with all of us. I think about the three of you often. Please take good care of yourself and Mike–I think Maddie would want nothing less.
She would’ve loved them, I bet. Especially the purple ones.
xoxo
.-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Weekend Wrap-Up, Late Edition =-.
look at you focusing on infinity.
you done me proud spohr.
Beautiful shots.
I’m terribly sorry for your loss.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Messages from the Mothership =-.
Lovely. My man & I were at a concert early this month and the stage lights went all purple for a bit.
I took a few photos for Maddie. They are blurry, but the purple and magenta are there.
♥
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