So, I’ve never blogged about this before but…I wrote a book. It’s something I worked really hard on, and I’m pretty proud of it. And, because you all are so supportive, I am going to share it with you.
I not only wrote it, I also illustrated it.
It’s a complicated story that doesn’t focus much on its title character after the first page. I wanted the reader on his or her toes.
Also, I wanted to keep things interesting, so I drew very strange looking bears.
The story progressed from there:
Don’t look too long at the hummingbird feeder. It is a liiiiiiitle um…well, just don’t look at it too long.
I think the use of negative space on this page is compelling. Not to mention the green rat. Genius, right?
This part of the story has to be my favorite. My self-portrait is spot-on, and my outfit is to die for.
Just when you think the book is going to be all about me, I bring it back to family. I missed the mark on my Great-Grandma, though. She wore glasses.
Finally, I wrap it up:
So TWIST! It’s actually a horror novel. Seven oddly-colored things staring at you.
Unfortunately, my version of Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See? is out of print. But it will always be posted here for posterity.
Don’t despair, though – I’m working on my next book.
edited to add: People, this was an assignment from elementary school. I know this is an actual book by Bill Martin Jr. It’s a joke! Sheesh.
{ 96 comments… read them below or add one }
So this just made me snort tea out my nose onto the computer screen in front of my MD. Thanks for that, Heather.
The hummingbird feeder… um… well… you obviously had a very anatomical mind for a little kid!
I think it would make a great book. There are plenty of options for self-publishing nowadays, you know. Publish it and have all the profits go to friends of maddie.org!
Wait… this is your childhood rendition of an actual book? I didn’t know that, but I have the excuse of being British born & bred, so ignorant of the fact that Brown Bear… is a well known US kids’ book!
We can still save the idea, though… just talk to Mr. Martin’s estate and Mr. Carle about having an updated version, with relevance to friendsofmaddie.org…
You have a talent!
Soooo… Your working on your next book??? Are you getting published??? oooh exciting!!
That book should totally be reprinted.
I really like the hummingbird feeder and the green rat.
Annie Y´s last [type] ..I ♥ Boobies! Do you
SO cute! I used to do this as a kid but with the Berennstein Bears. Copy the first few pages and then make it go off on wildly divergent tangents. They don’t make children’s books like they used to!
I don’t think a green rat is any scarier than a blue horse and purple cat! I love that book
i adore you for reasons like this.
Brilliant! Yet another reason why we big fat fuzzy heart you!
Chrissy´s last [type] ..Why Didnt Anyone Tell Me That Being A Mom Would Be So Hard
Good work! Your great-grandmother must have been in FANTASTIC shape to be able to pull off a mini skirt at her age!
I can’t stop laughing, this book is awesome. Seriously, you just made my day and it’s only 6am. Thanks for that. The bird feeder is really well drawn I thought, lol. I actually didn’t notice until you pointed it out and now it’s ever better illustrated than my first thought! Lol!
Stephanie
I loved this, Heather. You made me laugh this morning!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last [type] ..I’m not scared- unless you make me cook
ha, thanks, I have had a bit of an exhausting & draining day…..laughing creates great positive energy! your humor is very much appreciated.
Hmmmmm… your title sounds oddly similar to something I wrote back in ’86.
I think I might have to consult my attourney.
(Also, slightly jealous… my parents didn’t save any of that stuff! A million freaking votive candles, but none of my gradeschool art work! Sheesh.)
Heather´s last [type] ..Dirty Little Secret
Every woman should have a hummingbird feeder JUST LIKE THAT!!!LOL It would sure make bird watching so much more interesting!! Great story, and I can just see Annie following in your footsteps!!
We do, Sue. We do!
I think “hummingbird feeder” is Mike and Heather’s code word. HA!
Brilliant, Heather! Loving that bird feeder. Bet your teacher did too!!!!
My parents also didn’t keep stuff like that either. I mean, seriously, you would think parents would….school art work? None! My school reports? I only have one or two. Unbelievable. I have a lever arch file FULL of stuff already and my babe is only 11 months old….
Have a good day…..
Fiona x
The original is still very much in print:
http://www.amazon.com/Brown-Bear-What-You-See/dp/0805047905
Sans phallic imagery, probably, though.
Hilarious… I almost just peed my pants laughing.
Love it… Very artsy! It’s so nice when you see things you made as a child. In my childhood days parents did not save things like that…
I do have one newyearsletter.
Your book is very creative! Well done
catherine lucas´s last [type] ..Ginger cookies and Raising Hope
I read this book to my babies over and over and over. We still have our copy from the 90s.
http://www.amazon.com/Brown-Bear-What-You-See/dp/0805047905
Ha! Someone got us (a different version of) this book, which I read almost every day to my daughter. Sadly, my copy does not have orange Heather, or her orange grandma. Your version is clearly superior.
In your portraits you and your great-grandma have lovely arms but no fingers. The fact that you wrote and illustrated this book without fingers is a spectacular feat. Well done!
drlori71´s last [type] ..10-10-10
You had me at pink hummingbird. I didn’t even need to look twice. That image is burned into my mind, LOL. I can’t wait for the next one.
Amazing talent you have there! And I’m sure your GG was thrilled to be included.
I wrote a book once too. My Mom said it was a complete lie. I should have gone into politics, I guess.
(((Hugs))) from here!!
Jen´s last [type] ..on that day
As someone posted above me, this IS a book, I read it all the time as a child.
http://www.amazon.com/Brown-Bear-What-You-See/dp/0805047905
Uh, Heather, I have to say…there is a lot of overlap between this book you supposedly “wrote” and the original “Brown Bear, Brown Bear.” Sounds like PLAGIARISM to me! However, since I’m assuming this was a class assignment perhaps the publishers will go after your teacher.
That feeder…can’t tell if the bird is getting a blood transfusion orally, or what.
This is a cute post. I love your childhood stuff! But more photos please
I’ve never left a comment, but the hummingbird feeder had me laughing out loud at work. Awesome.
Brilliant writing and illustrations
I’d totally buy that book.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Keeping the Cold and Flu Bugs Away
Apparently the hummingbird feeder and the green rat were edited out of the version I’ve read. There must have been some protests, resulting in a reprint.
Wow! That’s an awesome bloody penis…..OOPS! I MEAN that’s an awesome bird feeder!
I love it!!! I was not such a talented artist as a child. However, my younger sister definitely was. Her interpretations were inspiring as yours are. You should have seen her horses. They were almost always blue or purple with tiny heads and bulbous bodies. Pure genius!
i feel the makings of early eric carle in these pages.
BRAVO!
excited for your next book!!
Fantastic artistry!!!!
I’m just gonna point out what everyone is clearly missing here, the hummingbird feeder? Looks like a penis.
Brittany´s last [type] ..Muskrats
Yah, I don’t think they’re missing it…LOL!
I thought the your book was cute and it made me smile.
As My son would say “you get a, A+”. Brown bear was the first book he learned to read. That is a great book and so was yours!!
bwahahahahahaha love it
Priceless. LOVE it. I have several of these books myself. But my illustrations are only stick figures. You my friend are an artist. LOVE the hummingbird feeder the best lol.
Kristin´s last [type] ..Purple Power
As other commenters have noted, your book rings familar and I think the Eric Carle estate may have something to say about it. Clearly, young Heather was a plagiarist.
Actually, I think the Bill Martin Jr. estate would be cool with it, since he wrote it and mine was for a class assignment!
Oooooo boooyahh!!! Good comeback Heather
. Yup, Eric Carle did the illustrations, Bill Martin Jr. wrote the story. I think both would be very touched 
.
I actually knew Bill Martin Jr, and he would be totally cool with it. What he would not be totally cool with is everyone thinking Eric Carle wrote the book.
Except that he was the world’s nicest guy, so he technically would’ve been fine with it. But the point for all the self-righteous book snobs is the same.
Overflowing Brain (Katie)´s last [type] ..To being found
You are obviously multi-talented. I just am curious as to where your great-grandma saw the “goldfish”….”brown monkey”..and “red swallow”. Clearly you should not have left out her glasses!!
I snorted a little reading this, especially at the feeder!! I can’t wait to read your next book, murder mystery maybe?
People, people – where are your minds?! Before I read the comments I totally thought the hummingbird was feeding from a Christmas stocking. Woe is me , am I getting old??? YIKES. Thanks Heather, you are terrific.
I originally thought the same thing, Barbee, but obviously Heather lead our minds straight into the gutter!!LOL
Love it!! Snorted a little, I have to admit!!
((((HUGS)))) from Florida
Hahahaha!!! Love it! You have a fantastic sense of humor.
bahahaha!! pure awesome-ness!!! which reminds me, i too am a published author,’two best friends’ written & illustrated by moi! i think i was about 10…i’m gonna have to go to my mom’s now and dig it up.
Hmm. I was left feeling slightly unsettled that no mention was made to Eric Carle.
HA – Really? I hope this comment was intended to be funny…
Especially since Eric Carle illustrated it, and Bill Martin Jr was the author!
I’m just unsettled by all the cool phallic images. Oh wait, did I say that??? I mean, bad phallic images…baaaaddd….
LMAO. Omg the hummingbird feeder. Did you write this for school? I’m surprised a teacher didn’t recommend counseling after seeing the feeder. Haha.
I bet my teacher laughed for 20 minutes, like I did when I discovered this again!
this really makes me want to recover all the art work I threw away from my son.
bummer.
Damaris´s last [type] ..Spooky Spaghetti
The hummingbird feeder lmao… can’t wait for book #2
The other day I was going through my bookshelf and I have the books my son wrote and illustrated when he was in 1st and 2nd grade. Oh the memories! 
My girls love Eric Carle and this is one of their faves. Your twist is just awesome. Thanks for sharing. LOVE it that you took it to your Great Gma. So awesome.
Jenny´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday – I love this face
This is so ironic to see…I just found my “Young Author” books this past week! What a riot to see the things our brains were doing back then! Thanks for sharing…
Aw that’s so cute Heather!
I think it’s super cute!
Rumour Miller´s last [type] ..She can see my lips moving
Love the pictures…espesially the bird feeder!!!! Keep up the great work.
I can only come to one conclusion: That is why I have never been able to attract hummingbirds. I have totally the wrong kind of feeder.
Molly´s last [type] ..The case of the missing tortoise
Excellent use of the hyphen on the last page!
Snarky Mommy´s last [type] ..Secret agent
Umm…so gypped – where are the blue swallow and monkey? Is this just a preview, we have to pay for the rest?
OMG thats awesome.
wow I can’t believe how many people actually linked the “real” book just to inform you. Bwa ha haaaaaa !!! LMAO at your ETA at the end. sheesh ppl.
Keep ‘em coming Heather!
How DARE your 7/8/whatever year old self so boldly STEAL a book that was already written! For shame! The author of this book should travel back in time and sue you.
(this is sarcasm, by the way, sometimes it doesn’t translate well over the internet).
Once I drew a tree and it had little round feet things sticking out. I think they were supposed to be branches?
Mommy Boots´s last [type] ..Mommy and Nellie In- The Sing-Off
TOO CUTE. I am so proud to say that I saved a book my son wrote at about the same age…”The Rollerskating Chicken”!
Too funny. Actually, when I was in third grade, my friend and I spent every recess inside writing a book. When we finished, my friend’s dad’s secretary typed it up (all 40! pages), and we read it to the class. Then, the school put it in the library! I felt super famous. Pretty sure the book was a complete mess, though.
Brooke´s last [type] ..Adventures on the Autobahn
I think I like this version of Brown Bear better than the original. This is one of my little girl’s favorite books but maybe I’ll start reading yours to her for variety. Didn’t even notice the…ahem, hummingbird feeder until you pointed it out.
Now I can’t stop laughing or scrolling up to look at it. No wonder the hummingbird likes the feeder so much. Of course it’s probably not married to it and doesn’t have any kids. Yes, I’m kind of a perv.
Elle´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday- Think Pink
I just died laughing! I read this book almost everyday with the kids I work with and I think your version is better. Especially the hummingbird feeder.
Karen´s last [type] ..Sigh
hahahahaha that humingbird feeder……LOL I love it!!!!!
I love this! My students are in the middle of writing some crazy versions of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Gotta love Eric Carle for writing such inspiring books!
I adore the hummingbird feeder.
Hollee´s last [type] ..In Defense of Picture Books
You crack me up! I love the illustrations.
This reminds me of when I wrote my own book in second grade.
As a 2nd grade teacher, I LOVE your book. I especially love your hummingbird feeder. You don’t know how many pictures I receive that I bring home to hang on my fridge. I’m inappropriate like that. Take for instance, the green Christmas bell with two red ringers inside that instead looked like a large green penis with two red testicles. Very festive.
I’ve been a long time silent reader and I LOVE your blog.
love the penis pic. I mean bird feeder. Bet your mom got a good laugh outta that one.
I’m also published, I wrote about my family and our trip to Cedar Point. It was apparently awesome.
DesignHER Momma´s last [type] ..Share the Scare
In case no one mentioned this, HEATHER:
Dooce is the original blogger, you blogging plagiarist.
I’m ashamed to call you my friend.
Meghan´s last [type] ..Day 53 – HE SMILES!!!
OMG the hummingbird feeder!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 LMAO
Ha! We just did Brown Bear in my class this week. My favorite part has to be the hummingbird feeder. Also, love the picture of Annie and Molly! BFF just like their mommies!
Ok, Heather, yes, that hummingbird feeder was rather graphic. I am left wondering, though, where is the monkey and the goldfish? THIS WAS SO FUNNY!
Heather,
It has me cracking up that SO many people are worried about you plagiarizing and taking the credit for Bill Martin Jr.
Jokes people. It’s all about the joke!
I, too, have a plagiarize verson of Brown Bear that I did as a kid… must have been a popular assignment back then.
But I KNOW mine was not illustrated as “nicely” as yours! LOL
Thanks for the laugh!
Dawn @ What’s Around the Next Bend?´s last [type] ..30 Days of Truth- Day Twenty-one- accident
Why is the penis/bird feeder bleeding? Now that’s disturbing!
I love the first page where the bear looks like he’s pooping
And I’m pretty sure Bill Martin sat next to you in elementary school and copied your paper!
Long-time reader, first-time commenter. You are hilarious! Totally spewed my drink when I saw the bird feeder. Genius. Serious note: I have read your entire blog. Laughed with you, cried with you. Love your family. xoxo
Molly´s last [type] ..austin in review
All of this controversy …. and nobody but me noticed that Great-Grandma has the worlds tiniest penis?
edenland´s last [type] ..A New Voice
HILARIOUS Heather. Please tell me there are more books in the works!
Your legal counsel appreciates the disclaimer as to your “inspiration” for your book.
Well done.
I love that you had to explain to some people that it’s a joke. LOL!
Amanda M.´s last [type] ..This is Halloween-ish
Oh my god. Some people have NO sense of humor. It actually shocks me!!
Anyyyway, I’m just going to echo the above comments. Loved the book. When I was in grade 2, I “wrote” a book where The Flinstines travel forward in time and meet The Jetsons. The story and pictures are sooo bad and funny. In the About the Author part, I wrote “I have brown hair and green eyes. This isn’t the first book I’ve written… But it is my best.” haha!
ps I hope lawyers don’t come after me for my book admission. eep.
You are really, really funny. Thank you for the good laugh.
OMG, thank you for that laugh attack I just had! I needed it. Shesh. One week overdue with my second, and I have been a tad…ugh….grumpy bear. Thank you!
Samantha King´s last [type] ..Just Schedule a C-Section
Good one! I’m a horror fan!!! Btw the bear is the scariest!
LOL pure awesome. Luckily (?) I have none of my elementary school ‘art’.
The best part of this post though is the edit. It made me laugh and then weep for humanity *g*
Neeroc´s last [type] ..Goodbye Sasha-bear
so fun!
why is your brown bear stepping on a brown slug??? 