Don’t Feed Her that.
Why did you feed her that?
She’ll Choke!
That’s too weird for a baby to eat.
She gobbles down every bite without incident.
Where are her shoes?
Why is she wearing shoes?
It’s too cold for that outfit.
It’s too warm for that outfit.
She runs around hooting and hollering, impervious to the weather.
Why is she crying?
Why is she yelling?
You should feed her.
You should play with her.
She’s sleepy, and she needs to go to sleep.
You should sign her up for ballet like my daughter.
You should have her take French with my son.
My kid could speak full sentences at her age.
At her age my child was reading.
She is right on track, and she is learning new things every day.
I did it differently.
I did it better.
What possessed you to do this?
Why would you think to do that?
Why?
Because I am The Mom,
because I am HER mom,
and I know what’s best for my child.
{ 67 comments… read them below or add one }
Bravo for you! This is one of the hardest things for us mamas to remember – we know our kids better than anyone else
Have a great day!
Beth´s last [type] ..Oh my – a post that rambles and doesnt make sense- even to me
I looove this post!
Yep, I agree. I learned to trust my gut quickly and to heck with other people. Good for you!
My son is 7 now. We babysat my 15 month old cousin this weekend. O realized about an hour into it how much more laid back I was… Not eating meat, not sleeping “right”… It all works out. My son has a healthy diet and, literally, sleeps through earth quakes and tornado sirens now.
Don’t sweat the small stuff or other people’s advice.
. So glad for you that you trust your mama instinct!
Oh so true! Every child is different, and therefore, different things work for them. Kids are not made from a mold and should not be treated as such. Good job, Heather!
Clap, Clap, Clap!!! Yes you are her Mom, and no one, but no one knows her better than you! Sometimes the Mom even knows better than the Pediatrician too! Every child is different, and every family is different. What works for one family may not work for another. Unless we witness actual abuse of a child – it is none of our business what another Mom is doing. Sure we all would like to think that our child is special (and they are in our eyes) and that our Mom skills are the best – the reality is that we have all flown by the seat of our pants and learned what worked best in our own families.
Unless I am asked for advice as to what works for me, it is not my place to give advice. I can let you know what works or worked for me, but it is the MOM’s prerogative to use it or not!
I think learning to deal with the snarky remarks is the hardest part of parenting. I still remember when Robert was four and we were out and he was crying. He is so tall that he doesn’t look his age. Someone remarked that he was crying like a four year old. My response was simply – he is Four and walked away.
Hugs
Yes, many times you ABSOLUTELY know better than the pediatrician! We have 2 kids with hard to diagnose conditions – docs didn’t believe us that something was wrong – had to scream and yell to get help – finally found a doc who listens to momma, knows that moms know what they are talking about because she is a momma. Whew!
Megan@TrueDaughter´s last [type] ..Whats in a name That which we call a rose
Yes, this!!!!
Mommy´s last [type] ..Mamas Got a Brand New Bag!
the only advice I readily give out?
“People are going to tell you a lot of things, they are going to say judgmental things. Take no mind to unsolicited advice, including this”
Heather´s last [type] ..This is not the same…
Amen!
Yes, you are HER mom and you’re doing a fantastic job with her!!! XOXO
AmazingGreis´s last [type] ..Because I Love Her…
LOVE LOVE LOVE this!
Amen.
FireMom´s last [type] ..Happy Mother’s Day
Ain’t it the truth, sista! I’ve got four living children…and I’ve been given four lifetimes of advice. It seems like much of it comes to me in the form of the other person BRAGGING about how they did things…in a passive agressive manner, eh? I do have a small handful of people whose advice I do listen to…my Mom…my Sis…and a friend or two. But I try be thankful…and try not to roll my eyes…or grit my teeth in a noticable manner when the unsolicited nuggets come my way. Thirteen years later…I’m still fighting it! I’m the Mom, YO!
God. Has my mother been at your house? I think she must have been . . .
Absolutely!!!
Lora´s last [type] ..Boys
amen!!
Thank you for that! As a mom to a 14.5month old boy – I get *that* all the time – and I just want to yell
You nailed it!! Keep on doing what you’re doing…sometimes you’ll be spot on & sometimes you’ll adjust. No one knows YOUR baby better than YOU! It seems you’ve done a FANTASTIC job so far!!! xoxo
I find that the most aggressive advisors don’t even HAVE children,but they “know” everything! I’m three kids deep at this point and consider myself pretty well versed on baby stuff, but I’m very cautious who I give advice to and how its delivered. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut…
My dh’s aunt (bless her heart-thats the southern way of saying she’s nuts) has said EVERY thing you posted at one time or another and then some…and she has not raised the first child.
You’ll get used to it, or come up with some witty comebacks that make that advisor feel straight stupid.
SO TRUE, Heather!!!
Purely Awesome… Would love this on a little handout/card… simply pass it along and walk away. lol
I second the comment about how it is usually people who have never even had children who love to comment!! I read a quote somewhere that said “Before I had children, I had 5 theories about childrearing. Now I have 5 children and NO theories on childrearing!!”
I raised children over 20 years ago and your post about the comments other moms make made it all seem like yesterday.
Sigh. Others can be so critical and seem to want to turn child rearing into a competitive sport.
Your little girl is bright and adorable and you are a terrific mom.
Ninabi´s last [type] ..Mother’s Day
Well said! And you’re doing a marvelous job, too.
AMEN! I once said to someone, “it’s amazing I’ve managed to get this far since I clearly have no idea how to do anything right.” You’re a fantastic mom!
You said it!
Liz´s last [type] ..Loss
Well said!!
Here’s fair warning…the more children you have the more “advice” you will receive.
Especially if you have multiples. Even if the people giving the “advice” don’t have multiples themselves so they really have NO IDEA what they’re talking about!!
It’s amazing just how clueless the rest of the world can be to a mothers gut instincts, right?!
Preach on Sister Heather, Preach On!
Kristin´s last [type] ..Vics Story
Preach sister! The things people say “in love”. I can’t imagine the kinds of “friendly advice” you get. From what I see, you’ve been nothing but an incredible mama to your girls. Period. Exclamation point.
While I agree in this case (you are a great mother!), it’s not true for all moms. Yes, that’s right… I said it. Not ALL mothers know what’s best for their child. I say this as I think back to the stories my DH & I are hearing as we go through foster parent training classes. There really are bad mothers out there. Luckily, it’s not something your daughters would ever have to worry about! =)
Amie´s last [type] ..A Walkerton Writer Strikes Again
Amen to that Sister!
Every child develops at their own pace. Some learn to talk sooner. Some learn to walk sooner.. and just because I do something differently than you doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It means I know more about MY OWN kid than you do!
A-f*@*-ing MEN!
AMEN!!! LOVE this Post!
Kristin (MamaKK922)´s last [type] ..The Return of Marvin
I couldn’t agree more! Mom knows best!!
While my mom had 3 kids in 4 years, one of her best friends didn’t have kids until much later. Her rallying cry to my mom and the rest of the mothers? “Can’t you control your children?”
Fast forward a few years. We are at synagogue, and I see this little bullet of a child go flying up the aisle, jump up where the Rabbi is, show everyone her underwear, and fall off of the “stage” into a screaming mess.
I see my mom’s friend go shooting up the aisle after her.
Later, my mom said jokingly, “Can’t you control your child?” Her friend looked crestfallen. “How could you ever say something so mean?”
It’s easier to be a good mom when you don’t have babies, apparently!
Well, clearly you’ve run into my mother-in-law. Feel free to punch her. And again for me.
Seriously, it’s so annoying isn’t it?
Damn right! You’re awesome Heather. Your daughters have a great mom (and dad!)
Amen, Sista. Amen.
Amen, Girlie. Amen.
You know you’ve been on Facebook too much when you start looking for the “Like” button and then get bummed out when it’s not there….
Seriously though, great post! A lot of times us mommies forget that we ARE their mom and take what others do to heart and then beat ourselves up for not being the “ideal mom” (whatever that is)
Eeek! To me the scariest part about becoming a mom is dealing with OTHER kid’s moms. Yikes.
hell yes. well said.
I was at a Sunday school one day with my niece and there was this boy (5 1/2) who wouldn’t stop crying. His mom was just letting him cry while the whole class was being distracted so I just said something to her, like: why don’t you try this? And she goes like: I’m her mother and my techniques have worked with my 5 other children.
I wasn’t trying to make her change her ‘techniques’ but what she was doing wasn’t working and as I’ve been a nanny for over 10 years I felt I could give my little bit of help.
I don’t have kids but i know I will accept nice advice and comments from people who a. have kids or b. are familiar enough with me to do so. And to my happiness my mother and MIL live REALLY FAR AWAY!
Noe´s last [type] ..Es Mi Cumple!!!!
Amen!!!
Thank you for this. You are truly the best Mommy Maddie and Annie could ever ask for.
One word…
AMEN!
Lindsay´s last [type] ..I need your help seriously
This couldn’t be more true.
People always have to insert their opinions, don’t they?
Kelly´s last [type] ..Little Wild Animals
OMG, Heather, if I didn’t already adore you, THIS post would have pushed me over the edge to total Heather worship.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell the” younger and more concerned about what waaaaaay too many people thought” me that I was doing a good job, parenting by gut. That I needed to explain myself to no one. That they would make it out of childhood ok, even if they couldn’t read at 2. As it is, Saeryn has it so much better than the J Crew. I am more confident, less apologetic. And that feels pretty darn good.
Hear!Hear!
Rumour Miller´s last [type] ..Mother’s Day
damn how did my mil get your address?
You tell ‘em momma! I forgot about those type of comments. Selective memory just weeded them out, I guess. Hopefully, you’ll forget them too! Enjoy that doll faced girl!
Such a simple concept and yet so many people feel the need to give their input, their advice, their mocking opinion. Why can’t other moms just accept that being the best mom for our own children doesn’t mean we are going to parent exactly like they do.
Lisa´s last [type] ..A Bird’s Eye View of Brisbane
Bravo and you’re right, you are the mom and an amazing mom at that!
No Heather, I have to disagree with you for once.
You are not just The Mum. You are the best freaking mum Maddie and Annie could ever wish to have. And to boot, they have the best daddy in Mike.
Don’t let negative, small minded silly people get you down! Annie and Maddie are luckly to have you guys as parents.
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!
agree with you completely – great post.
amourningmom´s last [type] ..Mixed Up Mother’s Day
Amen, Mama. You said it, and you said it extremely well!
AMEN!!!
Amen!!! You said it… I’m the mother… I’m HER mother… people are quick to question and then give advice…as if you’re asking…
I say these are my children… my way…
We make it a point to NEVER tell another person how to parent… I DARE someone to try that with me.
IrrationalDad´s last [type] ..And then there was vagina
Well said. Well said.
Dawn @ What’s Around the Next Bend?´s last [type] ..Sticking these to my mirror Post-it Note Tuesday
You are awesome. That is all.
Mommy´s last [type] ..Mamas Got a Brand New Bag!
Amen to that! Gosh…if I had a nickel for every bit of unwanted advice that I’ve been given all throughout my parenting years — well, I’d have just about enough to put them all through college
Off subject: Heather, I have two checks that were mailed to me late (for my fundraising for the March for Babies) At the walk I gave Mike a check that someone gave to me…but what do I do now with these other two? Are they too late to go towards the team fundraising? If not, do you know where I am supposed to mail them?
Thanks!
Katrina @ They All Call Me Mom´s last [type] ..some serious air time
Well, BOTH MY kids could speak sentences IN FRENCH, so there!! (but then again, we are French)
I can teach you some bad words in French, if you want? It sounds cuter in a foreign langue, no?
Awesome post! You nailed it to the last word! I absolutely love it! We know and LOVE our kids better than any one else.
Jasmine´s last [type] ..Top 10 Financial Mistakes Moms Make
Just wait — I had a son with a speech delay. You’d be amazed at how many people think they are doctors, audiologist, and speech therapists. My son has now qualified for his second year of preschool, but according to some, my son doesn’t need the services because he’ll outgrow this. **bang head here**
Lisa´s last [type] ..Pirates of the Caribbean- On Stranger Tides Giveaway!
Amen! I cannot abide people telling me how I should be doing things differently. Some people think they know everything and it all has to be their way. Sod ‘em. You’re the Mum. I’m the Mum of my kids. So it our own way.
Penbleth´s last [type] ..… skip and a jump