Thank you all for your supportive words yesterday. I’m still kind of reeling from it all. As of writing this, I am now 37 weeks, the most pregnant I’ve ever been. It was also the most pregnant I was ever supposed to be, so I’m having a hard time mentally readjusting.

I was only able to speak with Dr. Risky’s nurse yesterday. Dr. Risky pretty much never talks on the phone anyway, but she was also apparently like, delivering babies or something. I dunno, excuses excuses. It was a game of telephone: I’d ask Risky Nurse a question, she’d tell me she didn’t know and she’d have to ask Dr. Risky, and then she’d call me back. Frustrating, to be sure.

It’s too late for steroids to be effective. Dr. Risky wants me back on the blood thinners until Tuesday, which I have very mixed feelings about. I asked about switching to Heparin, which has a shorter life, and Risky Nurse said no. When I asked WHY, she said, “It has some bad side effects for you, but I’ll ask Dr. Risky.” That question has still not been answered, which…Unhappy City.

There were three tests done with the amniotic fluid (L/S ratio, PG, DSL), one of them had a good result (I believe the PG), so Dr. Risky doesn’t want to repeat the amnio. Which is good, because I was going to say “No way, Jose,” to that one. The current plan is for me to come in for monitoring tomorrow/Friday, and then on Tuesday (after the long weekend, because of course it’s a long weekend!) Dr. Risky will hopefully reschedule my c-section. And by hopefully, I mean she will because I will go nuts if I don’t have a goal date.

I am not worried about The Acrobat if I were to go into labor – Annabel was born at 36 weeks 5 days, and her lungs were perfect. I know that the lung maturity tests err on the side of extreme caution, so I think it’s promising that one of the tests had a favorable result, especially considering boys mature about a week slower than girls. However, I’m still extremely worried about the other risks, and now I’m scared I’ll have to be under general anesthesia for the delivery.

I’m just exhausted by the whole thing, honestly. Emotionally and physically. My contractions kicked up after the amnio, so that’s keeping me on edge, and it’s been hard explaining to Annabel, “Actually, it will be more than two sleeps until you meet your brother.” “But why, Mama?!” “Because that’s life, kid.”

Also, I noticed this with my maternity clothes now:

yep, that's my belly

Yeah, that’s my belly hanging out of the bottom of my shirt. Maybe that’s a result of this:

madness

Just when I thought I couldn’t get any bigger.

At this point, I don’t know if I want “keep the baby in” vibes or “go into labor” vibes…but I will definitely accept “don’t lose your mind, Heather” vibes, so thank you to everyone who’s been sending them. We will of course keep you posted if anything happens over the weekend.

I’m giving away $150 to Tea Collection, be sure to enter!