I am a huge researcher and planner. I’m the kind of person who will spend weeks (sometimes months) researching purchases. I can be spontaneous if necessary, but when given the option I want to be as informed as possible for anything important. Pregnancy is no exception…in fact, I am even thirstier for information when I’m pregnant.
This is where I remind you I’m kind of a control freak.
When I was on bed rest during my pregnancy with Madeline, the only thing I could concentrate on was reading about my situation. I read all sorts of scenarios and outcomes, read an entire 500-page book on prematurity, and memorized NICU terms. Everyone around me thought I was insane. “Stop stressing yourself out, don’t read those stories about sick babies,” but I had to. I felt compelled to absorb as much information as possible. And it paid off for me – I was an amazingly informed parent when Madeline was in the NICU. I knew the questions to ask and I understood the answers I was given. I was as prepared as I could possibly be, and felt confident in all her medical decisions.
My dad asked me the other day if I’d heard about the new test, MaterniT21, that can detect Down Syndrome with just a sample of the pregnant mother’s blood. The research posted by the company that developed the test shows a 98.6% success rate for diagnosis. As it stands now, tests for Down Syndrome return many false positives, leading women to have unnecessary amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling, which are very invasive and carry risks. So, this new test should dramatically cut down the number of women who have the invasive tests for no reason (the developers of the test still suggest having an amnio or cvs for official diagnosis).
My dad brought it up because he wanted to know if I would have the test if my doctor offered it during my next pregnancy. I said yes, absolutely. For me, it’s another way I can become a more informed parent. If I found out my child likely had a Down Syndrome diagnosis, I’d spend the rest of my pregnancy devouring all the information I could so I could be as prepared as possible (I say likely because, as someone with a heightened risk for premature ruptured membranes, I would not have an amnio or cvs).
I’ve been talking to my friends about the new test and I discovered that not everyone is a researcher when it comes to pregnancy. I didn’t expect many, if any, to be as hyper as I am about ingesting information, but I was surprised that some people don’t want to know anything about what is going on. No testing, no reading “my pregnancy this week,” nothing. And while I understand the desire to shield oneself from all the bad, awful stories, I am bewildered by the black out on ALL information. There are so many cool things that happen during pregnancy!
I totally know that on a scale of one to ten, I am obsessive. But is ignorance truly bliss when you’re pregnant?
Helen says:
I have never had a baby or been pregnant, but I hope to go down that road in the near future.
I am a natural worrier, always thinking of scenarios in my head of how things could go wrong, I think for me less information is better.
Otherwise I would read lots of horror stories about labour and freak myself out…
Ali says:
I am absolutely a researcher, especially when it comes to pregnancy. I want only the best for the baby that I am nurturing, as well as myself, of course. There’s so many things I come across nearly each and every day, that I wished I had known years ago! Like how folate is worlds better than folic acid, but I won’t get going on that topic now..
That test sounds interesting, though it’s not for me. It sounds a lot less invasive than the CVS, amnio, etc. which is wonderful, though!
Sally says:
I think you’re smart for doing this. While none of us really have any control when it comes to pregnancy as anything can happen, having information does help.
I was fairly innocent in my first pregnancy. I read bits and pieces, but not a lot. Mostly I just revelled in how lucky I was as the pregnancy was so easy and healthy. Then at 40 weeks 5 days, having been in early labour for a few days, my daughter was died. She was stillborn. My first child. My precious eight pound little girl and the absolute love of my life.
What I didn’t realise, and what most people don’t, is that stillbirth is so very common – with about 1 in every 140 pregnancies ending in a stillbirth. I don’t know whether I had my blinkers on during my pregnancy and blacked out that sort of information, or if there wasn’t really much out there about it. I think the latter. A lot of this stuff isn’t spoken about in pregnancy books or on websites but if it is, we often turn a blind eye as we think “that wont happen to me”. It can, and it does. I was the one least likely, but it happened to me.
People don’t need to scare themselves, but they just need to be aware. Not all babies are born healthy. And not all mothers leave hospital with a baby.
katrina @ They All Call Me Mom says:
Because I choose to have my babies at home instead of in a hospital, it’s very important for me to be INFORMED of how that baby is doing inside. I do not want any surprises! I don’t go as far as having amnios done, but I do have level II ultrasounds that can detect most problems. I would want to be in a hospital if the baby was high risk for anything, or if I was for that matter! So in my opinion, ignorance is not bliss…it can be dangerous.
Brandy says:
I am somewhere in the middle on being in the dark. I definitely research everything I can get my hands on and my husband had to listen to everything that was going on from every book I had. On the opposite end I didn’t even have the quad screening done. I knew there was a high (relatively speaking) possibility of a false positive and the next step is a CVS or amnio and I knew those were steps I wasn’t willing to take. BUT the test you’re talking about is a bit different and something I think I would be open to, for the very same reasons. If it would give me a test result that had a low instance of false positive then I could read and prepare for the arrival of my baby, being as informed as possible. So no, being in the dark completely is really NOT for me.
Robin says:
I research because it helps with my pregnancy anxiety (which is HUGE) knowledge and information puts my mind at ease despite the horror stories that are out there. Not researching is something I couldn’t do either.
Michelle says:
I didn’t choose to be totally in the dark, I did read my weekly pregnancy updates. But, I did choose to forgo all testing during my pregnancies. I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancies, and I did. I knew I didn’t want a black cloud of worry over my head, knowing there might be something wrong with my children. I figured I already loved him/her, and would deal with whatever issues s/he came with once they were here. I totally get people that want to know everything, it just want’ “me”.
Vicky says:
I’m a researcher too, anything that happens, I’m on the net researching everything. A few weeks ago, I was handed a diagnosis of a rare form of cancer and not given much information, just to get myself to an oncologist. It took almost 2 weeks to get in and in the meantime, I scoured the internet about my disease. It was not pretty and it scared me to death. After one particularly disturbing article, I didn’t sleep well at all, then that morning had a total meltdown telling my husband that if such & such happens, I’m refusing treatment, I’d rather just die and go to heaven.
I finally got in to the oncologist last week and in my consultation he told me he really didn’t recommend his patients research their own diseases without the filter of an expert. Long story, I know, but in the end, I’ve been told that my cancer is in the early early stages and since I will be monitored for the rest of my life, the scenarios I read about are highly unlikely as they are the result of more advanced cancer.
I’m sure I will continue to research at least to some degree, I can’t help it, but I know it is’t helpful to me to read the horror stories.
Jocelyn says:
Vicky –
This is a shot in the dark, but do you have a GIST? I only ask because it is a pretty rare cancer and it’s not something people have ever heard about. My dad had a GIST removed 4 1/2 years ago and he is doing very well.
Regardless of your type of cancer, I’m sending positive energy your way!
*
*
I am researcher when it comes to any health issue. I was born prematurely and have a physical challenge, so the medical world has always been on my radar. To be a good advocate for yourself, it’s best to be informed.
~Jocelyn
Heather says:
oh my gosh Vicky! You have all my thoughts and best wishes!
Betty M says:
I always want to know so I research but I think deciding not to is an equally valid approach. As to whether you do screening tests it all depends on whether you intend to do anything with the informatioyoypu get. If you aren’t going to change anything in the event of a “bad” test result then why put yourself through the stress and worry and potential false positives. Everyone has a difference tolerance for these things. I had Nuchal screens, scans and blood tests but wasn’t going to have CVS or amnio unless those tests had all shown a very high (1 in 10 or worse) risk of eg downs or other disorder.
Brittany says:
I took advantage of every test that was available to me during my pregnancies. I was so thankful for good insurance, I figured I would make the most of it at the time, and just be grateful I had the option of them.
I think going in informed is great, but I get people who aren’t naturally disposed to be a complete worrier not wanting to go that route.
I do dislike the assumption many have that people who opt for the testing are doing so with the intent to terminate at the first sight of issue. I received some of the rudest comments regarding my decision to do a Nuchal with all three of my pregnancies, as if I was interviewing my fetus for the right to exist. How incredibly ridiculous and also RUDE.
I have found no other arena with more judgment than motherhood, and unlike my beliefs on any other political topics, this shit starts at conception.
Amy says:
I also had a preemie amd read that preemie book cover to cover. I am a control freak as well and it did help me. The best thing was the day that the residents didn’t know the answer to a question that the doctor asked during rounds. But I did! I kind of regret not raising my hand to answer her.
DefendUSA says:
I’m with you. I need to know all. Now, I am one of those people who hates that % of error thing with the AFP test. I opted out. Then kid four came along after 35. I did it and the results were erroneous and I knew the exact date of conception. Long story short, they tried to talk me into a CVS, amnio. I said no way. They gave me a level 4 sonogram. I saw all the right stuff functioning as it should. But the geneticist decided that Grant’s Femur bone was short, indicating some kind of “syndrome.” I know I blanked out right then. I was dead sure that my boy was 100% healthy. Got a fancy letter from the Geneticist with terms in it that would make most people just freak. I calmly read it, found a perinatal specialist to answer my questions and went on my merry way. All of my babies were measured at 22 weeks, coincidentally. Each one of them had the same exact femur length for the gestation time. It’s hard to be armed with info, but it’s what I prefer.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
While I tried to be informed during my pregnancy, I felt depressed and worried when I read about everything that could go wrong. Halfway through my pregnancy, I stopped reading that stuff and I felt much better. I guess that for me, ignorance really was bliss.
Elizabeth says:
I’ve not had a child yet, but I have no doubt that I’ll be like you about it and gobbling up on the information I can find. I like to know what’s going on and sometimes it’s a blessing and a curse — it can keep me from worrying unnecessarily or start the process off. There’s a teensy bit of hypochondriac inside.
Shan says:
I too took advantage of every test offered to me with every pregnancy. I wanted to know every thing I could and be prepared had we had any “hiccups”. I thank God (not often enough) to be blessed with four healthy children that resulted from those pregnancies.
Sarah @ { rad: renovations are dirty } says:
I am a researcher through and through, and my family knows (and makes use of) my obsessiveness! haha I love information and no matter how small the purchase (i.e. currently looking for a salt mill), I need to research it thoroughly. I’ve neither been pregnant nor plan to be but I have done a ton of reading about it — my thirst for knowledge knows no bounds, even if it’s not relevant to my life!
My favourite genre is documentaries, and I see that going hand in hand with my researching ways.
anotherheatherfromcanada says:
When I found out we were having our first child, the very first thing I did was buy What to Expect When You’re Expecting, devoured the book week by week, and loved it. With Robert, I did the same but because he ended up being a prem, I focused quite a bit on the area devoted to prems, when I got admitted to the hospital at 33 and 5, and we knew he would come in the next couple of days, I requested an NICU tour. I wanted to be as prepared as possible for when he got here, and what I would see. Mind you, I’m of the opinion that nothing can prepare you for seeing your baby, at any gestational age hooked up to tubes and wires in an incubator, but at least I had some info to help beforehand.
Kate says:
There’s something I call the “WebMD” rule, which is this: when you have a phantom symptom, DO NOT EVER WebMD it. Because WebMD won’t tell you what you have, it will tell all the things you are statistically unlikely to have but WOULD KILL YOU IF YOU HAD IT.
And I just – yeah. I am totally that person who thought she had, like, some wasting disease when what she really had was strep throat.
And I can see that translating over to pregnancy because, well, that’s extra-scary. That’s not thinking you have foot cancer based on clicking symptoms on a virtual body, this is the life of your child. And a lot of people wouldn’t think of it as “I will get the test and then I will be ready for my child’s issues”, as much as “Once I know, I will double-think this pregnancy.” I had a good friend who got unexpectedly pregnant at 37 and the first test they ran showed indicators for Down’s and she seriously considered whether she would keep the baby if he had it. I think sometimes, it’s safer for some people not to know.
That said, a total blackout is kind of an overreaction because while I’ve not been pregnant, I’m sure there’s things you need to know about when you’re getting ready to pop that you can’t find through reading your tea leaves. But in terms of tests and deep research, I understand the motivation. (Plus, in terms of the research you did with Maddie, or would do if this test was positive, you knew what was going on. It wasn’t reading about 300 possible unknowns and wondering if they applied to you. Well, I mean, to an extent it was, but within a narrower window. Reading about the side-effects of not getting antibiotics for my strep, fine. Reading that I could have cancer or mumps or the malingering death? Not so much.)
Margaret says:
Amy Julia Becker writes about having a daughter with DS and how she chose very consciously to forgo any genetic testing with her next two children. I have a close friend who did the ultrasounds and her fourth child had it, undiagnosed til birth. She chose not to test for her fifth child. Another friend’s son was born with much more severe disabilities than expected and has had years of surgery (but he is miraculous walking!) and she said the anxiety of testing was too much for her so she opted out at the last second (choosing instead to have the regular anatomy scan at 20 weeks). I personally have chosen to have basic genetic testing because my husband is adopted and we have no medical history for him. But I think that all of the women I’ve mentioned above have had great reasons for opting out. My son is healthy, so I don’t know first hand the emotional toll of having a child with disabilities. I do know that they don’t love their children any less, and that any lack of preparedness during pregnancy hasn’t led to any lack of care once these babies were born.
I think my only problem with testing is that it gives us a false sense of security. If you *know* your kid has DS or a certain disability, you’ll be prepared. But you won’t be. You don’t know your child. You may know in advance what therapies are available, or perhaps how to demand certain treatments. But anything can go wrong at any time, before and after birth. That’s just life. We simply aren’t in control.
Sue says:
I had my first child at age 17 – a beautiful baby girl with Down’s Syndrome – 40 years ago when amniocentesis wasn’t commonly used and I doubt they would have used it on a teenager anyway. That was in the bad old days when babies with DS were called mongoloids and parents were told to put them in institutions – at least parents don’t have to deal with that anymore.
When I had my second child 16 years later I was happy to have modern prenatal testing available to me. I guess everyone has to make their own decisions but for me, sticking my head in the sand and hoping everything turns out OK was not an option. Deciding not to do tests and closing the door to the possibility of terminating a pregnancy is still a decision – just by default. Caring for a child with a disability for 40 years as I have is not an easy task and you need to realistically access ahead of time if you’re up to the task. It’s not something you should just fall into – for the sake of the child you would be bringing into the world.
All tests during the second pregnancy were fine but when my son was 5 months old he came close to dying from a serious bladder/kidney condition which had gone undiagnosed. I’d never even heard of that condition and I had a lot of research to do after diagnosis. Would have been great to be warned in advance but it’s not something that usually can be detected prenatally. I would have been a lot less anxious and fearful about the whole situation if I’d known ahead of time. Knowledge * is* power.
Amber says:
Without posting my lengthy backstory, I wanted to try a VBA2C with my 3rd pregnancy. I read SO much that I actually put myself into a depression and had to be put on medication for it. My tipping point? Learning that there was a chance that I could catch on fire during a c-section. I think I could have been informed without getting obsessed with it, which is what I had done and it was miserable. I ended up having my 3rd via c-section as well.
Leigh Elliott says:
I read tons of stuff when I was pregnant. I could not get enough. It had taken us years to get pregnant so when it finally happened, it was like I’d been let loose in a candy store and I couldn’t wait to absorb as much of the land of pregnant as I could. I also knew, it would probably be the only time I would be pregnant, I wanted it all. I also did the AFP test. However, even before the results said that we had a low Down’s risk, I knew that no matter what, I didn’t want an amnio. for me I couldn’t take the risk of losing the pregnancy. I knew no matter what, I’d want this baby 100%. For me there were no alternatives.
I am a believer in science. It took us 5 IVF’s to conceive. Without their help I never would have my daughter. I feel that knowledge is power. Even though there is so much out of our control, I personally feel that educating ourselves is necessary in order to make decisions while pregnant, and afterwards when the baby arrives.
Liz says:
Each of my pregnancies has been different. The first pregnancy I read every book, my pregnancy day by day, week by week, every pamphlet, paper I could get my hands on. We attended every class and hospital visit offered. We had issues and at every appointment were counseled on how common miscarriage is. Not very fun. We thought having every possible test available was a good thing. It’s a good thing until you get false positives across the board and doctors start scaring you with even more statistics. When our healthy child was finally born, nothing went according to any of the books, pamphlets, or hospital visits said they would.
We are currently pregnant with our fourth child. I’ve done all the prenatal care the doctors have ordered. I am “advanced age” and have other medical issues. Besides prenatal care, I have not read a book, visited anything and have refused any optional testing. In fact, I’m not really sure how long I am. That’s OK. I know when my induction date is.
The second and third pregnancies were somewhere in between. I refused all optional testing. Read a few things. Pretty much knew where I was in the pregnancy, but wasn’t reading day to day updates.
I’m not exactly sure why the differences in how we handled each of the pregnancies. I do understand all sides though.
Lisa says:
My husband is the big researcher in our family. No purchase (other than routine stuff or spur of the moment purchases) are ever made without much researching. I’m not much of a researcher except for when it comes to pregnant and children. I read a ton when I was pregnant with both my girls and now I’m constantly reading about their development stages, etc.
I’m with you in that when it comes to pregnancy and children ignorance is not bliss. It would drive me crazy to know what to expect, to not be prepared.
Leslie says:
Hi!!
Delurking to say that I am the EXACT same way. I devour information, especially when it came to my pregnancy. I was shocked the other day to run into a pregnant coworker at lunch who was wondering out loud whether she could eat certain things. I quickly rattled off the forbidden foods and she asked how I knew. Um, I read it? We’re friends and I later found out that she hadn’t read anything (into her third trimester) about pregnancy. I know I am extreme at reading and information overload, but wow.
I’ve always believed that knowledge is power. And that while I may not have a medical degree, when it comes to my pregnancy (and child) I do the best for both of us by being as informed as possible. To each his or her own though, I guess.
Jane says:
I started out a researcher even before I had children. Imagine spending hours on fertility friend just, well cause. But it turned into a real anxiety producer and because anxiety + depression are difficult to manage during pregnancy, with my second daughter I stopped. I would not say I was ignorant–I paid close attention to my doctor and asked questions as needed. But I no longer researched or read about my pregnancy. My second pregnancy was in fact, while not ignorant, far closer to bliss.
Cath @ 7 Million Wonders says:
I was on bedrest for 17 weeks before having my preemie and in that time I read so many stories of stillborn babies, babies with disabilities, babies born blind and smaller than 1 pound. My husband and mother thought I was crazy, but I had to face it: the worst that could happen. If my daughter had been born blind, and I hadn’t known it could happen? I couldn’t face going into that situation without knowing what the worst-case scenario was. By the time my girl was born at 32 weeks, I felt like nothing could surprise me and was able to be confident, to know what the doctors and nurses were talking about, to be able to judge for myself what was normal, how things were going.
I’d do it again. Ignorance is NOT always bliss.
Molly says:
Pregnancy is an intensely personal and intensely powerful experience (which is why our control over our own bodies shouldn’t be legislated, hello war on women), so it makes sense that women have really deeply held opinions about tests and other information. My friend and I are both really anxious people, but it’s funny that when we talk about pregnancy, she would want to know everything, would want every test, and I don’t even think I’d feel comfortable with a single sonogram. It’s not that I don’t want to know things, it’s that I want to trust myself and my own body and not hand over that knowledgable authority to anyone else unless I absolutely have to (I love the idea of home birth, for example, and my friend is horrified by that). I think we’re talking about some of women’s most precious rights here, rights that by the way are under attack.
Abby says:
While I have had every test available, after my first child i stopped reading pregnancy and baby books. Made me too anxious and stressed out. I am not ignorant and I there is an issue raised by my dr. Ibeould research it, but now pregnant with my 4th i am just going with the flow. Too much else going on.
Veronica says:
I’m an in-between-er. When I was pregnant I wanted to know everything, but when the stuff I read got to be a little overwhelming I had to stop. I did a lot of research about prenatal testing and opted out of some – especially the quad screening, everything I read led me to the conclusion that the false positive rates were to high to make it a truly reliable test. and in the end what would I have done with that information? I would have refused further testing for fear of risking the pregnancy altogether. so it made no sense to do the test in the first place. I had a very uneventful pregnancy, with a very uneventful labor/delivery and I have a beautiful healthy little girl. So it worked for us.
I feel that moms who are more at risk for certain things tend to become obsessive about research, it is all in how they use that knowledge – that is where the difference lies.
My cousin for example due to her age has decided to only have one child because her risk factor for Down Syndrome is higher and that one factor is enough for her to never have more children. I feel completely differently about that and I would not let that one factor stop me from adding to my family.
Shannon says:
When I found out at 7 weeks that I was expecting twins, I immediately went out and bought a book on multiples. I researched all the options for equipment (car seats, strollers, etc) and started registering. At 20 weeks, I was placed on strict bedrest due to an incompetent cervix (a cerclage was placed at 20 weeks, and again at 22 weeks). I was told I would have lost both babies without this intervention. At 22 weeks I was placed in the hospital and was told I would be there until delivery due to contractions. At that point, my research stopped. I was given information on preemies but never read it, and the neonatologist talked with me about the survival rate at each gestational age ( the twins were not yet viable). I had no access to a computer while in the hospital, which I felt was a good thing. I am in healthcare and already knew the complications from premature delivery, so I was well informed already. I asked family members not to buy anything until I felt we were “out of the woods”, meaning the babies had a chance of survival. My husband and I didn’t pick out names until I was 32 weeks. I was having lots of contractions every day, and the only thing that calmed them down was for me to lay on my side still as can be.
WEll against all odds, I was discharged from the hospital still pregnant at 34 weeks! My twins were born 2 weeks later by c-section due to my cerclage no longer holding them in! Had no NICU time and came home with us 4 days later. I think if the twins had ended up in the NICU, I would have made sure to read up on all the terms so I knew what the professionals were talking about. I just didn’t want that information before I knew the outcome. I kept myself calm during all the complications with this pregnancy. However, I feel a subsequent pregnancy would cause much anxiety as I would worry about every little twinge or movement.
Aliesha says:
I will say that I enjoyed the week-by-week updates about the baby’s growth, etc, but that is about it. Reading “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” made me was to puke almost every time, because no matter what symptom I was having, I felt like it would point me towards a miscarriage, and I was DEATHLY afraid of that. Those first 15 weeks or so were pure torture. We had very minimal testing done ahead of time, and I read a lot about labor and delivery…but the other stuff just made me feel worse, so I stayed away.
Jenn says:
Hi Heather!
I am JUST like you! It took us 4 1/2 hrs with 5 looses before our miracle baby was finally born. I was a walking text book so you can imagine my frustration when after loosing my 3rd baby, a doctor told me my diagnosis is “BAD LUCK”!!! How the hell does one treat bad luck?!?!?!
Personally, I believe when you get pregnant, it becomes your responsibility to become as educated as possible. Plus, I just LOVED reading about my baby’s development week by week.
How excited I am for you, Mike & Annie as you start your journey of having another baby. I wish you an easy conception, a stress free, healthy pregnancy and an incredibily easy delivery!!
Lanie says:
For me it is a mixed bag. Our first pregnancy we did have a cvs after the triple screen came back that our baby had a 1 and 5 chance for trisomy 21. Our baby was the 1 and I researched as much as I could about raising a downs child. My husband cut me off when my research produced results like “if you ever took the pill you could have greatly increased the chances of downs for your baby.”.
I did stop reading what to expect when you are expecting because it seemed to only cover a normal pregnancy. There is a lot of information out there I think you just have to consider the sources and realize what applys to you and your baby.
Catherine says:
100% same as you. I am a TOTAL researcher (& worrier) too. I have the need to know and the desire to be prepared for any possible scenario. I feel it’s better to know ahead… to give myself time to absorb, understand and to be better prepared to handle whatever situation might arise.
Terri says:
I’m right there with you. I’m a researcher too. I totally wish I could be the one who doesnt read anything though. When I was pregnant with our daughter I had a blood clot living in utero with her. I had tons of bleeding, lots one baby to the blood clot (twins) and read SO much awful stuff that I completely scared myself to the point of almost being slightly crazy. (My husband would remove the almost and slightly) It was so awful. We’ve been thinking about having another baby and I’m just not sure I can go there again. I think our daughter will be a spoiled rotten (she already is!) only child. If I saw blood during the pregnancy it just might push me over the edge. I WISH I could not research and just listen to my dr and trust that they know what they are talking about, but I dont think I’ll ever be that way.
Morrisa says:
I am a researcher as well. Glad to see I’m not the only person who obsesses over things like this.
Smoochagator says:
This is something I’ve actually thought about a lot. When I was pregnant with my son (who is 16 months old), I refused a lot of prenatal testing. I felt that it was a moot point because I wouldn’t terminate the pregnancy no matter what I found out. I wouldn’t even opt for more extensive testing (i.e., if I had a likely D.S. diagnosis, I wouldn’t do amnio). Then a friend pointed out to me that even though I know I’d carry the pregnancy to term regardless of what tests turned up, I might want that time before the baby arrives to get ready for what could be, instead of waiting til the drama of delivery to find out. The example she gave was a friend whose baby was diagnosed with (I think) cystic fibrosis while in utero. This friend carried to term and was able to have a team of medical professionals on hand who knew how to deal with CF in a newborn. The test helped her prepare. And that makes sense to me.
Another scenario that comes to mind is, what if my unborn child had something wrong with him that meant he wouldn’t survive for more than a few hours outside of the womb? Sometimes ultrasounds and other prenatal testing turn up issues like that, and sometimes mom chooses to terminate… but other times she doesn’t. On the one hand, I wouldn’t want to know because I’d want to enjoy every minute of the pregnancy, and I’m afraid that the shadow of loss would ruin those months. But on the other hand, maybe knowing that my time with my child would be short would make me enjoy those precious few months even MORE. And most importantly, if you know ahead of time that a newborn is going to have significant issues, the doctors are prepared and have a game plan – whereas if a baby shows signs of distress right about being born, he would likely be taken away from his mom because the doctors are trying to figure out what’s wrong, and mom and dad might miss out on just the handful of moments they could have had with their child.
Ugh, this is terrible to think about, but I don’t think that ignorance is bliss. I think that it’s important, as a parent, to be prepared. I’ma crazy researcher person, too, and maybe it has something to do with being a control freak. But even if I can’t fix a situation, I need to understand it. I need to know what to expect.
Lindsay from Boston says:
I had a good family friend whose tests turned up exactly what you’ve written about … that her unborn child would have no chance, literally NO chance, of surviving for more than a few hours when born, if the baby made it to term at all, that is. They chose to terminate.
I’ve thought a lot about it and what I would do in the same situation. I 100% understand and respect the decision they made. I can’t imagine being faced with such a decision. Does that mean I don’t test?
So complicated …
Smoochagator says:
It is complicated. And I don’t think any of us can really know what we’d do in that situation until (God forbid) we’re in the situation. I’m so sorry for your friend’s loss. To want and love a child so much and then have to make that terrible decision… heartbreaking
Lindsay from Boston says:
Agreed, and I appreciate how you answered this. (So many people were so judgmental.) This couple already has a beautiful daughter, and they were SO excited to welcome another child. To me, this was a tragedy, a loss of a very loved, very wanted baby.
Trisha Vargas says:
I read all that I could and digested as much information as I could find. I love researching and wanting to go into labor & delivery nursing one day I love reading new things about pregnancy and how each stage progresses and the different advances in medical science.
I tried not to worry about things I read that were troubling and relied on my doctors to take the best care of me and perform any tests they deemeed needed. All the reading enlightened me to be an informed patient and I asked a A LOT of questions and I would still do the research and the reading if I could go back in time. I really think it all helped.
Megan Bell says:
I’m like you Heather-a BIG researcher. It drives my husband nuts. It doesn’t help that I work in the medical field (critical care and abdominal organ transplant RN) so I know worst case scenarios,etc. Both my pregnancies were high-risk as I’ve had Type 1 diabetes since I was 11. With Aubrey (who is almost 5 now), I went into pre-term labor and had her at 35 weeks. She spent 1 week in the NICU-it was hard for me to not research what was going on with her too much (and to not make suggestions to the doctors and nurses or grab her chart and read it…). When she was 1.5, she had a febrile seizure and had to go to the ER. The dr wanted to do a spinal tap to rule out meningitis-him and I went back and forth on the risks of it, her symptoms and what I thought they pointed to,etc. My husband kept telling me to just let them treat her. They did the spinal tap and as I suspected, she did not have meningitis but had the stomach flu (that I myself had earlier that same week). When I got pregnant with my 2nd, I vowed to be more relaxed-to not look up statistics on the chances of having pre-term labor again or over analyze everything I felt. I did pretty good with that until 22 weeks. I was at a routine ultrasound when they noticed a thick band on the back of Jordans neck. I went to a specialist who did a detailed ultrasound and couldn’t find a nasal bone on Jordan. With those 2 abnormalities, we were told the risk of Down Syndrome was 1:2 and the doctor told us he had never in his 30 years of practice seen a baby with these abnormalities born “normal”. I had an amnio and spent a horribly long weekend researching everything about Down Syndrome. We were experts by Monday morning when we were told that the amnio was normal-no Down Syndrome. I wish I can say I relaxed then but I didn’t. My doctor recommended that my ultrasounds and other test results (amnio, blood work) be sent to Cedars-Sinai for their prenatal team to look at. The head of their prenatal dept called and said she had no idea how to interpret my results-that everything looked normal BUT the ultrasound. No nasal bone (or a hypoplastic one which is what Jordan ended up having) is kinda a big deal apparently. So, they told me that we could be looking at some “rare chromosome abnormality or facial anomaly that had yet to be diagnosed in the womb”. Yeah, that made me feel good. I spent the next 16 weeks researching-I looked up stuff on false-negatives with amnios, facial anamolies,everything. And when Jordan was born, the first thing I asked was “Is anything wrong with him?” And it wasn’t. Perfectly normal. No facial anamolies. Nothing. He’s almost the same exact age as Annie (I think they’re 2 weeks apart) and is our crazy and wild guy-talks a ton, runs, climbs on everything and is loved more than I ever thought possible. So, for me, all the research in the world did nothing but stress me out….I wish I had never had the amnio or the ultrasounds that said something was wrong with him. Despite Aubrey being a preemie, I enjoyed my pregnancy with her SO much more than I did with Jordan because I was more relaxed. But, I also know there is no way I’ll ever be able to stop researching when it comes to the kids-when they get a cold, I’m pulling out the stethoscope to listen to breath sounds For me, research does make me calmer for the most part because I know the worst-case scenario and can figure out a plan for how to treat it. With my pregnancy with Jordan the scariest thing was that I didn’t know what the worst case scenario was-no nose? A facial anamoly? Something worse? That was horrible. The researching didn’t help me because it didn’t bring me answers. But I kept searching….Interesting topic!
Megan
Mom to Aubrey (5) and Jordan (almost 2)
Emily says:
I am the same way when it comes to pregnancy, and I turn into a monster once the baby is here. My baby is a toddler now, and I still get around three emails a week about what his going on with his development, behaviors, etc., not to mention the books I have. I’ve spent hours researching baby food and types of bottles and car seat safety. It’s insane, but I also feel like my friends who don’t research are missing so much important information!
noe says:
I refused ALL tests, and when changing doctors (because I moved out of state) I was offered the same tests again, which I refused again. I have a mentally disabled brother (with TONS of problems: epilepsy, bipolar disorder, Lennox-Gustaut Syndrome) and I still refused to be tested. Why? If I can’t sleep worrying about which car seat is best for my car, how am I gonna be able to sleep and have a normal life knowing my child will be born with some kind of problem?
On a different note, if I had had a relative in my family with DS, I would have done the test because there is a history in my family of DS, and I would like for my child to have the best care possible being born. However, it’s not 100% sure the tests are 100% correct.
I have read half way of my pregnancy book, and I haven’t done any birth classes and I’m not planning on doing anything. I’m not in total darkness about what’s going to happen to me and how I’m gonna have my child, etc. I have chosen not to worry and enjoy being pregnant, even though I’ve had a really tough pregnancy with tons of things going on. Even when I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, I didn’t do any kind of research and I’m being looked after by 4 doctors at the moment.
In my opinion, I think it all comes down to the personality you have and how you manage worry and stress. If it’s good for you to do an extensive research… great!
And that book, ‘what to expect when you’re pregnant’ is the WORST book ever!
liz says:
Oh, yeah, I’m a total researcher. When I was pregnant, there was nothing I didn’t know about… my sister-in-law is also an OB-GYN, so that helped a lot. I felt much more connected to my little one because I knew how he was developing. I was obsessive about genetic testing as well… had to know everything. I don’t why people want or like to be surprised, especially with the gender!
Kristin says:
I read a little when pregnant with my first, What to Expect While You’re Expecting and the like. Mostly just because I wanted to know what in the world was going on in there, what was normal, what wasn’t. I was lucky enough to breeze thru that pregnancy with nothing out of the ordinary happening. Then a few years later I miscarried at 6-7 weeks and got pregnant again a month later. I was reading a lot and on message boards like crazy making sure all that was going on was normal and okay. Its cool to be informed.
If I ever got pregnant again (which is highly unlikely) I would have that test for Down’s Syndrome done in a heart beat. And not for any other reason than just to prepare myself to be a better parent to a child with special needs. My sister-in-law, who we spend a lot of time with, has Down’s Syndrome and I still don’t feel like I would be prepared without some major research and reading.
Christina says:
I researched a lot through the first half or a bit more of my pregnancy. I opted for all of the tests, but i did so in order to be prepared for a sick child, should we have had a pregnancy with complications. Because one of my tests came back abnormal, which turned out to be a fluke, we were able to find out the gender early. At this same US we were notified that our pregnancy was SUA, single umbillical artery. We would have found out at the scheduled anatomy scan anyway, but we found it early. I Googled the hell out of SUA and informed myself. Then we were referred to a high risk doctor who was so calm and knowledgeable that I no longer Googled. She would bring up a new term, and I would simply ask her to expand on it.
We continued to have monitoring type tests, so I knew that they were looking for IUGR. Everything luckily turned out fine though.
We did not however take any labor or baby classes prior to the birth. Call me lazy, but I have been around 3 nieces so I felt comfortable with a baby and I thought if my husband witnessed the video of a birth he would somehow find himself out of town when I went into labor. We survived my difficult and very long labor just fine without the classes. And I am a little happy that I was not aware of certain thing prior to my own delivery. Knowing me, I would have panicked about the inevitable.
Rachel says:
It is actually a common misconception that the NT scan produces “false positives”. The results for an NT scan is just a ratio of your chances of a baby having Downs Syndrome or other form of chromosomal abnormalities. Based on those ratios the physician would suggest further testing.
For myself, I would not be comfortable with any further testing because of the risks involved. So, if my ratio came back say 1 in 30 or even 1 in 250 than I would spend the rest of my pregnancy preparing for the worst. I tend to be a bit obsessive and would totally research the heck out of it even though there is still a very good chance of having a perfectly healthy baby.
It is an extemely personal decision based on each persons background. I have decided to not do the NT scan since I am under 35 and also have no family history of downs syndrom. I have enough to worry about being pregnant I don’t want to add any additional worries to my plate.
Liz says:
I’m with you. When I was pregnant with Ben, they told me he had a heightened risk of Down Syndrome due to his neck measurement. I didn’t do the amnio for personal reasons but spent a lot of time researching babies with DS and how to parent them, what to expect, etc. Turns out he didn’t have DS, just a giant neck to hold up his giant head. But I was glad I was informed either way.
Glam-O-Mommy says:
I did quite a bit of research with my pregnancy, but I was ALOT more obsessive researching during my infertility battle. My husband said it was like I was studying for a test, albeit one I kept failing.
Then, I was so happy to finally BE pregnant, I researched different things that happened to me (Cankles, PUPPS, pyrogenic granulomas, ugh! I had weird crazy stuff happen to me during my pregnancy!!) and I read the My Pregnancy This Week stuff, but I chose not to have any of the genetic testing offered. I didn’t want to spend what I knew was going to be my only pregnancy possibly obsessing over funky or bad test results. I would love the baby no matter what and deal with anything I needed to after she was born. I also did not want to take any chance that I could miscarry and since I knew someone who had miscarried after an amnio, I was totally against it.
So I’m definitely a researcher and can understand your desire to have as much information possible to be armed and ready, even though I kind of took the rest of my journey on faith.
Smoochagator says:
PUPPS! Oh my goodness, I had PUPPS. And cankles. None of these pyrogenic granulomas you speak of, and after googling the term, I am saying thank goodness – and poor you!
Glam-O-Mommy says:
Thanks! PUPPS is awfully annoying, isn’t it?! I was so happy my daughter came 10 days early so I could finally stop scratching my legs LOL! I also had a bad bout of sciatica that made it hard to walk at the beginning of my second trimester. The pyrogenic granuloma was on the index finger of my right hand and started small and then kept growing. I noticed it about a week before I gave birth. I finally went and had it checked and then cut out when my daughter was about a month old! I really didn’t have any morning sickness, just all these other weird things!
Smoochagator says:
I didn’t have morning sickness either, but I was pretty miserable at the end. The day before my water broke (my son was five days “early”) I was sitting in the bathroom at work, scratching my stomach and thighs and just praying that it would be over soon. “God pleeeeeeease let me have this baby, I can’t take it anymoooooore.” Which is kind of pathetic because I certainly didn’t have as much discomfort and pain as some women go through!
Michelle says:
I am a researcher as well. With my first pregnancy, I didn’t do any of the testing, just had the normal ultrasound where everything looked good. He was born healthy and has been pretty healthy ever since. However, after I had my baby, my sister in law lost a baby to Trisomy 18 at 23 weeks. It shook the whole family and made me think about things a lot more. I’m currently pregnant and opted for the testing…part of the reason I decided to do it was that the tests have gotten so much better even in the three years since I was pregnant with my son. I’m not sure if the testing that I did was the same as what you mentioned, but it is a blood test and ultrasound done at 12 or 13 weeks and then another blood test done at 16 weeks. It has an amazing accuracy rate. I’m a planner…I mean, I plan events for a living. I want to be able to research and know what is going on so I can be best prepared. A few people questioned why I would even do the testing and asked if I would terminate the pregnancy if something came back looking bad. I can’t answer that because it hasn’t happened. The preliminary results looked great and I will get the final numbers after my next blood draw next week. I obviously think that each person should choose for themselves and what they feel is right. I just hate when I am judged for the decisions that I make about my body…my pregnancy.
Pattie says:
I wouldn’t say I’m a researcher, since I was terrified of really learning about all the things that can go wrong in a pregnancy. But my husband and I really enjoyed reading one of those “your pregnancy by the week” books together. We’d alternate, with me reading one day aloud, and him reading the next to the in-utero baby then known as Bundle. So we at least made the effort to keep up with all the cool stuff going on in there.
Elizabeth says:
I have that same obsessive nature, having to know every minute detail about what’s going on and when during pregnancy. I think that’s one reason why I’m having such a difficult time working through my recent miscarriage. I feel like I HAVE to take a different approach if I am able to get pregnant again, because if I obsess TOO much and get overly excited, if something like this happens again I just don’t know how I’ll cope. On the other hand, I think, ‘Who am I kidding?!’ because ultimately I don’t know how NOT to obsess about it! I have NO IDEA how some women are able to just breeze through without even wondering what’s happening at any given time.
Rachel R. says:
It is really sort of freaky that you posted this and I saw it this morning. I am 24 weeks with my second baby (another girl!) and this morning I was panicky because I had not felt her move… usually she is very active. I am a member of the Baby Center birth club just as I was with my first pregnancy so I immediately got online this morning and saw among the newest posts that two women had recently lost their babies. They were about as far along as I am and they didn’t feel the baby move so they went in and no heartbeats. I called my husband in tears. He was all “Stop reading that crap! All it does is get you upset.” And I know he is right, but I can’t stop myself. I am the type of person who Googles symptoms and then goes spastic because I’m convinced everything is cancer. It always is. According to WebMD.
Thankfully the baby started moving just a bit ago… thank you Twix candy bar!
I am like you. I feel compelled to research and know everything that’s going on. A lot of times that makes it harder, but I don’t know how to stop.
Stacy says:
I’m going to say no. I was exactly like you, I read everything and anything to be prepared. I’m still like that! A dear friend was the opposite, didn’t want to take any birthing classes, etc since she thought it’d freak her out. Her first birthing experience was traumatic. I never think you’re fully prepared until you go through something, but I do think you can be more prepared for the worst than if you had no knowledge.
Amy K says:
With my daughter, some suspicious ultrasound findings put her chances of having DS or a truly nasty genetic disorder higher than my chances of miscarriage from an amnio, so I wanted to know. I needed to know for my own sanity. I just can’t imagine wanting to stay in blissful ignorance until the baby is born, when you could be preparing yourself to help your child. It turned out my daughter was perfectly healthy, but if she’d had DS I would have been a frigging expert on the subject before my due date instead of scrambling to understand it with a newborn in my arms.
And if she’d had a truly nasty genetic disorder that would have kept her from leading anything resembling a normal life…well, I would have terminated the pregnancy. My best friend since childhood had a brother who survived 17 hellish years of being what amounted to a toddler-sized newborn, constantly screaming in pain, non-interactive and blind with feeding tubes and brittle bones. I could never watch my child, or my family, suffer like that. So I wanted to know for that reason, too.
Jess says:
No, with each of my pregnancies I read the “Your Pregnancy, Week-by-Week” and also the first year week-by-week. I think it is important to be informed during your pregnancy, for both the cool things (like “eyelashes grow this week”) and serious topics (testing, disorders, etc.). I think being prepared will help a person react calmer and make better decisions if the scenario were to change during pregnancy or birth.
Rebecca says:
I am the type of person who wants to know everything about what is going on with my body. I want to know more than the doctors so I can even predict the next step (couple of steps). I have to know what is going on with my body and my baby.
leanne says:
I research and think. And then do more research. I did tests with both my pregnancies because if any problems had been detected I wanted to be prepared to handle them when my kids were born. And the more time I have to prepare, the better. Yes, it’s possible to get information overload, but I’d rather have too much information than not enough. So yeah, I read those worst case scenarios. And am extremely grateful when I somehow manage to avoid them.
Bampa says:
In my 30 year career I interacted with doctors and lawyers (some are close friends) on a weekly basis and they are the smartest people on Earth…just ask them! Having said that…they have enormous work loads. Maddie was in and out of the hospital on numerous occasions which, unlike a NICU, the pediatric ward virtually requires that a parent be there 24 hours to assist with the non medical care of the infant. We always broke down the 24 hours into shifts among Heather, Mike and my wife and I. We knew that when heather wasn’t there we would have to take copious notes because believe me ..Heather was going to give us a test! During one “shift”, when Heather was at work and my wife and I were in Maddie’s hospital room, one of the hospital doctors, NOT Dr. Love, recommended a certain therapy for Maddie and we routinely emailed those findings to Heather. Within 10 seconds we received a phone call from Heather asking if the doctor recommended a particular medication and not a similar sounding medication. When we assured her it was the former course of drugs, she quite assertively stated “don’t let them touch her until I call you back! I’m calling the nurses station now”. When a nurse appeared a few seconds later we informed her that we were going to delay the new treatment until we talked with Maddie’s own pediatrician knowing that this would buy a little time until Heather could contact the nurses. Meanwhile Heather contacted the nurses station to verify the suggested medication. When that medication was verified Heather pointed out to them that because of previous administered medications, the new course of treatment was contraindicated. The nurses verified everything and after consulting with the staff doctor informed us that the new course of treatment would be canceled. Knowledge helped and I’ve always found that when you are informed then people will step up their game and no longer treat you indifferently..
Lisa says:
That’s an important story – it is amazing how powerful it is to have a family member as a strong advocate for a hospital patient. Thanks for sharing and for being Maddie’s and Annie’s awesome Bampa.
Glam-O-Mommy says:
Wow…that is an example of the importance of research and advocating for your child (and grandchild). Thanks for sharing Bampa…you have a wonderful family!
Kathy says:
I’m totally like you in that I had to read and know everything I possibly could. After 3 m/c and all the infertility stuff, I could quote stuff left and right! When I did get pregnant, I knew what was going on and when. My next pregnancy was twins so I had a whole ‘nother set of books to read and things to find out about. I felt informed and aware of what could happen and what I should do if it did.
I find that I approach most everything in life that way. And now that my kids are getting older, my twin son is *exactly* like that as well.
Laura says:
I definitely read a lot about pregnancy and babies when I was pregnant (the first time at least – the second time I didn’t feel the need so much). However, I would never get that test done. I guess it all does come down to personality types and the need for information. I declined the tests available when I was pregnant because they weren’t going give me any information that I could do anything with. If I’d come back with a liklihood for a condition, I would have worried myself to death before the baby was born — without even knowing for sure that there were problems.
Jenni Williams says:
I am like you are, I devour every bit of knowledge I can when it comes to pregnancy. When I was in l&d earlier in the pregnancy the attending doc asked if I was a nurse or midwife because I knew so much. lol
I am now snuggling baby #4 and I wont ever be pregnant again (the shop has been surgically closed) But I would totally do that test, just to know so I could prepare. I did the Nt screening this time and it caused SO much stress, we got an iffy result (damn high rate of false +) and I couldnt do amnio or cvs because of PROM risk. A test with a more accurate result was def needed.
lil says:
I am like you–I want to know so I can prepare myself. I was born with a relatively minor physical birth defect. minor in that I can get through life with most people having no idea about it, but major for me in that in my social interactions I am probably not the person I would have been without the birth defect. I also am fully aware that my case is fairly minor and that with the syndrome I have it could have been a lot worse and a lot more obvious.
I wanted to be as sure as possible when I was pregnant that my child would not have it. I went to a perinatologist and had genetic screening and fairly regular ultrasounds. at some point my mom asked me why and pointed out that she hadn’t known before I was born, but if she had known she wouldn’t have done anything differently. I said I just needed to know so I could prepare myself.
she is perfect (at least as perfect as any 2 and a half year old can be), and I felt better for knowing.
Glenda says:
I am definitely the researcher and the reader of all info regardless of the outcome. It’s better to be informed than left in the dark. I’m with you Heather! and definitely agree with what Bampa said: “Knowledge helped and I’ve always found that when you are informed then people will step up their game and no longer treat you indifferently..” so true!!!
Julie says:
This is an extremely timely post for me-A few weeks ago, at 21 weeks, the OB discovered that I was 4 cm dialated with my bag of waters hourglassed through my cervix. A researcher by nature, in this situation I became so consumed by fear that I just. didnt. want. to. know. But now after a rescue cerclage and 2 weeks with no baby showing up, I am just starting to dip my toe into the information pool to become prepared for the possibility of a preemie. I have had many family members with medical issues, and my role has always been that of the researcher, fact checker, options person, but in this situation my terror was so great I couldn’t even acknowledge the possibilities. Funny how babies and pregnancy can change us so greatly!
lisaj says:
Yep, Heather, I am like you. I need to know EVERYTHING. It isn’t limited to pregnancy. I research to death whatever I am into, and soak up as much as I can. It may be preschools, or some type of testing, or photography, or whatever, but you’d better believe I do not like to leave any stone unturned, especially when it comes to my family’s health.
Mary says:
I loved this one b/c I thought I was perhaps the only over the top researcher out there. I research medical stuff like crazy. I read everything I can get my hands on-even sometimes medical textbooks. I find it fascinating and I also think it only helps you be a better patient! Good for you!
Meghan says:
I’m an info junky for SURE. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I could be an OB with all the stuff I know. Dr. Meghan…I like it! Disorders? Check. Complications? Check. Delivery…easy peasy! See, I could totally be a dr.
aimee says:
Heather, I have been on both sides of this. I have a wonderful son (who has Down Syndrome). When i was preggers with him i had no idea that he had DS. Then about 2 years later I became pregnant again, this time I elected to have the amino done. It was then that we discovered our little girl would also have DS. For me it is a personal choice…no one else’s business but my own. What I do have a problem with is people deciding to abort these sweet, innocent children. They are by far, the most giving children one could ever meet. I’m truly blessed to have two children with Down Syndrome come into my life. I just wish everyone else would realize what a wonderful gift they really are.
lisa gleesonl says:
No, ignorance is not bliss. Did you know that 1 out of 750 babies are born with disabilties because their mothers were exposed to a relatively benign virus called CMV? (cytomegalovirus). Most people have already been exposed to CMV, but if you have not been around many small children and have not acquired the antibodies and catch it when you are pregnant, if can have effects on your child such as deafness, blindness, cerebral palsy, mental impairment and even death. It is he number one viral cause of mental impairment in children. Evidently doctors don’t share this news with you, because it might cause panic. They can, however, test you for the CMV antibodies before you get pregnant so that you can take precautions if you don’t have them yet.
I am a special needs teacher about to get my second student with CMV after effects. Maybe their mom would have been happy to have been told about this virus.
Jessica says:
I am a researcher to a point. When we found out we were having triplets I wanted to know a lot but not too much. I wanted to know all I could to have as long of a pregnancy as possible but tried to skip over info that I new would make me obsess over the terrible stats out there. I really wanted to stay positive but also informed. Always a hard balance but I too felt like we went into the NICU pretty educated. I’m so glad I read what I did and insisted on a tour, otherwise I would have been petrified walking in there for the first time.
Jess says:
I always thought I was much calmer my first pregnancy because I didn’t exactly know the details of everything to worry about. By the second pregnancy, I had read every book and every article and memorized every sign and symptom of a problem. Both pregnancies were normal and healthy, but I certainly spent more time worrying the second time around
Allison says:
As a parent of a child with Down Syndrome who didn’t know there was anything wrong before birth, part of me wishes I knew and part of me is glad that I didn’t. My son is now 13.5 and prenatal testing was not offered routinely when I was pregnant. One of the reasons that I wished I knew was so that more testing (fetal echocardiogram) could have been done (heart defects are common in about 50% of babies born with DS)so that we would have known that our son would be born with a significant heart defect. We live in a small community with no pediatrician, and it would have been nice to make arrangements to deliver in a large centre with a cardiac team readily available instead of being air lifted out right away and not returning home for 6 weeks. On the other hand, I’m glad I didn’t know, I think that it would have created great anxiety during my pregnancy that wouldn’t have changed the outcome. Termination wouldn’t have crossed our minds as it took us 1.5 yrs to conceive our son.
My son is a great joy. I can’t imagine life without him. My life is richer and I am a better person for having him. For everything we have been through, I wouldn’t change him for the world.
Micki says:
But is ignorance truly bliss when you’re pregnant?
UMMMM are you telling us what I think your telling us?
Heather says:
nope.
Lessons in Life and Light says:
I’m very proud that I spent more time researching, planning, and preparing for my pregnancy than I even did for my own wedding. I don’t think that’s very common these days. My research led to an undiscovered passion and I’m currently training to be a postpartum doula! My blog is FULL of pregnancy and birth related info.
I actually declined most testing that was possible to do during my pregnancy. I only tested for Gestational Diabetes and Group B Strep (both negative). We also did very few ultrasounds; only 2 my entire pregnancy, and my midwives were very hands-off. I didn’t even have a cervical check until I was actually IN labor. And even though my birth plan didn’t quite go to plan, I couldn’t have possibly been more prepared. I still had an amazing, wonderful, and *empowering* birth experience and my daughter is as healthy as can be!
In my experience, ignorance is most definitely NOT bliss. Especially not when it comes to the birth of your child.
Expat Mom says:
I’m definitely into researching. As someone who has had more bad pregnancies and losses than successful, good ones, I already know what can go wrong and I do want to be informed. I actually just wrote about researching as a special needs parent on my blog, too.
Ray says:
“My dad asked me the other day if I’d heard about the new test, MaterniT21, that can detect Down Syndrome with just a sample of the pregnant mother’s blood.”
That’s extraordinary.
Not wanting to even check out the, “my pregnancy this week?” Why not? I think that’s sad (I’ve never had kids, but when my cousin was pregnant and she posted those to her Facebook…? I read everytime. Because I was excited for the birth of my Goddaughter. And because it’s fascinating). I agree that many parts of pregnancy are awesome, and if I were pregnant? I’d definitely want to know how my little fetus was growing. It’s amazing.
Whitney says:
I researched a lot. I followed all of the rules. And my baby died of unknown cause. I spent more time reading about things that might go wrong (and didn’t) than bonding with her while things were going right (and then wrong, whatever it was). I didn’t even know that she had died for three days (ish. Won’t ever know for sure). So the idea that I can control anything by what I do is pretty much laughable to me now, though it was central to me then. I suspect that if there is a next time I will not be reading much, I will just be steeling myself for another stillbirth and enjoying what I can.
Holly says:
Now I’m going to have to go research MaterniT21. It wasn’t offered to me during my pregnancy and now I wish it was. I had the traditional DS test which came back high so I had an amniocentesis that came back with no abnormalities. Besides the horrific experience of having the amniocentesis (I know it’s not a big deal for most women, but I can honestly say it was the worst pain of my life – so far – I’m due to deliver this baby next week), what the initial test resulted in was a lot of unessecary worry. I went to a specialist for ultrasounds every 6 weeks to monitor growth. Nothing was ever found wrong. It’s been a frustrating experience. Like you, I read A LOT of information about the test, the results and what to expect. But at the same time, it was the knowledge that made this such an unpleasant experience. So I’m torn. I know next time around I will have the test or maybe the new test, because I have to know. But at the same time, I know the toll it may take again.
Annalisa C says:
I too wish MaterniT21 was offered when I was pregnant. We went through the stress of waiting half a week before we could have the amnio done after the first irregular results came in, and it was the scariest part of my pregnancy (I say this after having gestational diabetes, unexplained high blood pressure for weeks, having been induced and then having my water broken 24 hours later to speed things up, and tallying up another 12 hours of labor before the OB on call convinced me to have a C-section).
The amnio turned up nothing, so they started doing 3-D ultrasounds to look for abnormal patterns of growth. The numbers never did look the way they “should have”. The culprit? A very long torso. It runs in the husband’s family (this kid is as tall as some 2 year olds we know right now, and she’s barely 15 months old).