Before I left Tuesday’s appointment with Dr. Risky, she handed me perhaps the greatest pamphlet I’ve ever received.

a little light reading

My mom took one look at it and said, “I’m pretty sure your dad and I got this exact same pamphlet.” Then she opened it up to the first page and…yep:

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1983. Apparently, nothing has changed in thirty years.

While the pamphlet is informative, it’s also hilarious. First of all, the illustrations:

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Hi Pete, I just called to talk about my reproductive system.

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Pretty sure the second from the left was a college professor of mine.

Second, OMG:

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If this confuses you, I applaud your decision to not procreate.

Third, it emphasizes in like ten different places that “only YOU [the man] can decide to get [a vasectomy]” and it goes on to say that some men may regret getting a vasectomy if it was someone else’s idea…like a wife. Ugh, women. Who needs ’em, am I right?

I was also left with some questions.

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How can a sperm count be negative? Wouldn’t it just be…zero?

But if I had to pick my favorite page in the whole pamphlet, it would be this one:

If you use this chart exactly right, it is highly effective. In actual use, it’s only medium effective.

My least favorite page was this one:


Hey dudes! You should consider having your women undergo this riskier, pricier, more difficult procedure! That’d be totally bitchin’!

In all seriousness, vasectomy is an option that Mike and I are seriously considering. I’d just like to find some more up-to-date information about it…you know, maybe something from the 1990s.