Now that I am about halfway through this pregnancy, I’ve started to let myself think that there might be a baby at the end of this hell rainbow. When I’d be throwing up for the bajillionth time before breakfast, or watching a nurse struggle to find a vein for an IV I’d think, “I’d better get a baby out of this.” Now when I’m in these situations I’ve started thinking, “This baby better be awesome.” It’s a small change, but with my history, it’s a significant one.

As The Acrobat’s kicks grow stronger in my stomach, I’ve been commenting on them more often. Annabel thinks it is amazing that he is kicking me and I don’t get mad, since she is (obviously) forbidden from kicking anyone. I told her that soon she’ll be able to feel the baby kicking too, and that blew her mind. Now when I mention the baby moving, Annie will run over and put her hand on my tummy. “I feel him! I feel him kicking!” She can’t, but I can’t wait until she actually feels a kick. The expression on her face will be priceless.

Since Annie has been clinging to me lately, she’s been witnessing more of me getting sick, taking medicine, or giving myself a shot. These were all things I tried to shield her from at the beginning of the pregnancy (especially the vomiting), but she started to think I was literally hiding from her, and that’s not what I wanted. So now she sees everything, and asks lots of questions. For the way her mind works, I think that’s best. I’ve been able to explain to her that I did all these same things when I was pregnant with her. After her vaccination last week, she was very concerned about my daily shots. “Mama, I don’t want you to get a shot for my baby brudder.” I told her that I had to get a shot for her every day, too, and that the shots made her grow big and strong, just like they will for her brother. Now she says, “Mama, time for your shot to make my brudder strong!”

Telling Annie about what I did when I was pregnant with her has led to lots of  “Tell me a story about when I was in your tummy,” or “Let’s talk about when I was a baby.” I’ve shown her lots of pictures of when I was pregnant, and videos of her when she was a fresh newborn. She can’t get enough of the stories, and thinks it’s hilarious that she used to be unable to talk, or that she pooped in a diaper. I’m like, “uh, you pooped in a diaper two weeks ago.” Tiny details.

Watching Annie get excited about her new sibling has easily been the best part of this pregnancy. But it would be the best part even if this was a completely typical pregnancy. I’ve waited a long time to witness one of my babies transition into a big sister, so watching Annie has been a dream come true.

me and my little lady