So many things are familiar…

…..the heat wave

…..the start of football season

…..the shopping trip for bigger clothes.

I haven’t slept well this week, knowing this day was coming. This night, actually. The night my water broke. Two years ago, in the wee hours of September 4th, I woke up to discover my water had broken.

That ruptured amniotic sac is why Madeline had such weak lungs. It’s why she had chronic lung disease. It’s why she was premature. It’s why she’s no longer with us.

Last year on Labor Day, I was haunted by the memories of September 4th. Except, last year, I snuggled Madeline close to me, thinking the danger was in the past. And I wasn’t pregnant.

I tell myself every day that this pregnancy is different. Things are going so much better. The baby isn’t facing the same challenges Madeline faced from the very beginning. I’m not nineteen weeks pregnant. My prenatal care is so much better. This pregnancy is different.

And yet…I am terrified, because I know anything can happen. It already has.