So many things are familiar…
…..the heat wave
…..the start of football season
…..the shopping trip for bigger clothes.
I haven’t slept well this week, knowing this day was coming. This night, actually. The night my water broke. Two years ago, in the wee hours of September 4th, I woke up to discover my water had broken.
That ruptured amniotic sac is why Madeline had such weak lungs. It’s why she had chronic lung disease. It’s why she was premature. It’s why she’s no longer with us.
Last year on Labor Day, I was haunted by the memories of September 4th. Except, last year, I snuggled Madeline close to me, thinking the danger was in the past. And I wasn’t pregnant.
I tell myself every day that this pregnancy is different. Things are going so much better. The baby isn’t facing the same challenges Madeline faced from the very beginning. I’m not nineteen weeks pregnant. My prenatal care is so much better. This pregnancy is different.
And yet…I am terrified, because I know anything can happen. It already has.
Kate in NZ says:
Hugs to you on this hard day. We’re all behind you and wishing you well.
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..At day’s end =-.
Bec says:
Did I ever tell you how incredibly proud I am of you and how brave I think you are? I realise I only get to see what you choose to share via your blog, but I don’t think I’d be able to hold it together enough to even blog – I couldn’t with Erin and that was before she was born. Love you darlin’.
.-= Bec´s last blog ..8 Ways to have a Shower with a Baby in the House =-.
catherine lucas says:
Keep telling yourself that this pregnancy IS different… Strange and yet so familiar how dates can haunt is. You have passed the 4th, and you will have some other dates passing and all will be well.
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Paparazzi on tour… =-.
Dee says:
Feel the positive karma coming your way today (and every day). You are in the thoughts and prayers and hearts of so many. Hugs!
Mama Snyder says:
I’m thinking of you. I can’t imagine how tough it is to be haunted with such a challenging past, but I know you and Mike are so strong that you’ll get through this difficult day together.
Sara Sophia says:
I’ve never commented here before.
But four months ago I read everything you had ever posted.
My heart belongs to you and your family.
I give it to the sadness you have had to bear. To what you have given up. And what you still hold onto.
To the joy you are about to embrace into your life.
I am praying for you..and have been thinking of you often.
So, for what its worth, here’s my heart.
.-= Sara Sophia´s last blog ..Not New But Still So Pretty =-.
Karen says:
mine too.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Changes =-.
Karen says:
SO well said. I can’t say it better and I echo this post completely. Rest well, Heather. It is in God’s hands and I feel that he is going to make it right with Binky. He needed Maddy so she could help make him smile each day…she is watching over you.
.-= Karen ´s last blog ..Afraid of Failure =-.
Sheila says:
that’s the thing about memories, you love them for all the joy they give back and hate them just as much for all the pain. I hope your good memories stay vivid and fresh all your life and the bad ones start to fade.
I know you are an avid USC fan, I just happen to be an OSU grad – interested in a “friendly wager” on next weeks game? Loser donates (amt tbd) to the other’s charity of choice, mine = friends of maddie. I’ll dm you on Twitter too in case you don’t read this.
Go Bucks!
Noelle says:
Sending you love, prayers, and positive energy today and every day.
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..Health "care" FAIL =-.
Kelly says:
Hugs, hugs and more hugs… You WILL get through this day, things ARE different this time. It doesn’t make losing Maddie any easier, or any less wrong, but this year the 4th of September is a day where really fucking bad shit happened in the past. It won’t happen today.
Sending you love and strength.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..At home =-.
Maddie says:
Oh Sweetie,
I wish I could help you, I cannot imagine the gamut of emotions you are feeling at the moment. All I can tell you is that this day is not that day. It will never be that day again, you will never have to live it again, if you don’t want to. Leave it in the past where it belongs, try not to dwell on it, try not to think over and over what happened. Because it has happened.
You can’t change it, you have to accept it. Easier said than done I know. But this is the only day you have, yesterday has gone, tomorrow isn’t here, so concentrate on this day.
Give Mike a big hug from me, get him to give you a big hug from me, and tickle Binky on the belly.
Please try to remember that yes anything can happen, and that it already has. BUT it already *has* happened, your grief just shows everyone how much you love Maddie, it is nothing to be ashamed of, but don’t torture yourself over it, please.
Be strong. We are all so proud of you.
Much love,
Maddie xx
.-= Maddie´s last blog ..ARGH! =-.
dysfunctional mom says:
You also have hundreds, if not thousands, of people praying for you!
xoxo
Jen says:
i know you have extreme fear, and with great reason to. But rest assured that you have been blessed. This time everything is different.
Today is going to be a hard day for you. I will keep you in my thoughts nd prayers. I can’t imangine how your mind id over working today.
Jenn says:
Hey Sweetie,
I must admit, I am SO happy and relieved to hear from you today!!! When you didn’t post yesterday I was a little concerned so I said an extra pray for you and your baby,
You stoled a piece of my heart Heather, and so has Mike, your mom, binky and especially beautiful Maddie. I am so sorry today is a difficult day for you but it is certainly understandable.
You are so strong Heather,,,,both emotionally and physically!!! I agree with you and everyone else….this pregnancy is different and so is this baby. I just know you are going to have a healthy pregnancy and baby and when she is born, I, like EVERYONE else will cry happy tears and thank God for the amazing blessing that has been bestowed upon you and you family. The Angels will truly dance the day your beautiful new daughter will be born.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I know I am a better person for having “met” you and your family – I thank you for that.
Thinking and praying for you, Mike and your baby always.
Take Care of yourself and PLEASE always remember how many of us adore and wish you and your family well.
Sincerely,
Your Friend,
Jenn
Assertagirl says:
The calendar can be cruel, can’t it? When you say “anything can happen”, that includes all good things for you and Mike. I always want to leave insightful and wise comments on your posts but all I’m ever able to articulate is that I am so amazed by your strength. xo
Kathryn says:
I’m so sorry for what was but also so happy for what will be.
Much love from here to there for you!
.-= Kathryn´s last blog ..A.M.A. or Against Medical Advice =-.
amanda says:
Don’t be scared (so easy to say). Everything will be OK (again – SO easy to say). But I send out all my hope and wishes that, even though it is easy to say, it is also very true.
xo from CT,
Amanda
.-= amanda´s last blog ..school. poop. the usual. =-.
cj says:
I’m so sorry and I’m praying for a long pregnancy with a very happy ending. Much love to all of you.
Dana says:
I’m also pregnant and when I can’t sleep, like tonight, I come here to your blog to see how you’re doing…I can understand the fear and anxiety you’re going thru and dates can be cruel but this pregnancy really is different and we’re all out here praying and pulling for you, Mike and Binky. I also think of Maddie every single day…she really has stolen a piece of my heart as the reader above stated…I still think of her constantly…I don’t think I will ever ever forget her… (((HUGS)))
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Sat, Aug 29, 2009 =-.
Alexandra says:
I would feel the same way. Just remember that you have lots of doctors who are more than prepared for any problems that Binky could have.
Alexandra
charlane says:
This pregnancy IS different. You are aware, and Doctors have you under their careful watch. We are behind you and sending you great warm and fuzzy thoughts and prayers that all the sadness in your life is behind you, and that the future is nothing short of spectacular irrepressible happiness.
.-= charlane´s last blog ..A Few Things That The Cake Has Taught Me =-.
Susan (woo222) says:
I tried to post this comment a few hours ago but my fickle satellite internet stopped working so I did my paper route and am trying again now..I don’t think it went through the first time, but sorry if I’m posting it again.
This date will always be a bit ominous, as will Maddie’s birthday and April 7th, even Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It makes sense that they would be after losing Maddie. And Binky will be observant of those day too. Now, WITH Binky, you and Mike are going to have more celebration days too, a birthday, all sorts of milestones, first days of school. It in no way makes up for what is missed with Maddie, but at least it adds some sugar to the sour. I’m thinking of you. ~Susan
.-= Susan (woo222)´s last blog ..Mason =-.
Tricia (irishsamom) says:
I am thinking of you and saying so many prayers that everything with this pregnancy will be better. You are amazing.
Love and hugs,
Tricia
.-= Tricia (irishsamom)´s last blog ..Grieving =-.
Stacey says:
Somehow I have just checked your blog for the first time in months. I am working hard to wrap my brain around the news of darling Maddie. I did not know. I am so very sorry.
.-= Stacey´s last blog ..Clever, Sort of… =-.
Amber McN says:
Anything CAN happen, Heather. Even a full term pregnancy and a happy and healthy baby!
.-= Amber McN´s last blog ..Steps =-.
Meg...CT says:
You have lived through the unthinkable…it has forever changed you. I don’t blame you for being terrified….I am thinking of you, praying that you find peace, praying that you have a healthy, wonderful pregnacy, praying for an easy birth….
Peace.
Heidi Lee says:
Heather-
I am praying for you. It is funny how our minds work-how a date can stop us in our tracks. Just know you are surrounded by love and prayers.
Much Love-
Heidi
vickie says:
Being scared is natural. I knwo its hard as hell but try to focus on how well little Binky is doing ; )
Heather says:
Heather, I am so so sorry, and I get the dates things. You are so brave lady, SO incredibly brave ! Thinking of you and praying for you and anything is possible ! This one IS different !
Another Heather in Canada
Badass Geek says:
Among all of those terrifying things that *could* happen are all the wonderful things that could happen, too.
Chin up. It’ll be okay.
.-= Badass Geek´s last blog ..In Which I Make Plans =-.
Shannon Kieta says:
Heather….
This is why Maddie gave you Binky. To help you get through these rough times. She knew what was coming and knew she didn’t want you to be alone. Isn’t it funny how you found out you were reggers right after Maddie passed? Her way, again, of taking care of her Mommy. Binky is going to bring you so much joy, but you will always have that fear. I never had anything happen to me like that, and I have fear that something is going to happen to my kids. I have the fear one of them will be diagnosed with an uncureable disease, or have something teriblu wrong that doctor’s can’t fix. I think it’s every mother’s fear. But when you have actually experienced it, you will always have that fear! My dear, if there is ANYTHING a all can do for you, never hesitiate to call. Remember, you are my adopted sis now and family sticks together! Bink, stay put! Auntie Shannon
Erica says:
Hi there dear sweet Heather,
I hope today passes quickly for you and is not too painful for you. I know you will survive the day, you have survived so much. You are such a strong lady, Heather, and so very, very courageous. You continue to be an inspiration to all of your readers from all over the world. We are all here supporting you and we are all always here for you.
I’m holding your hand from afar, dear sweet Heather and sending you a great big hug from afar. It breaks my heart that you can’t snuggle your precious Maddie close to you today but please know that all of us are surrounding you with all our love and support. You are one extra special lady, dear sweet Heather and you will always have a very special place in my heart.
Thinking of you today, as every day.
With love
your friend, Erica in Luxembourg
P.S. Send some sun our way, its been raining heavily here for the last two days ….
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
This is a hard day. Thinking of you…
It occurs to me that your pregnancies pretty much happened at the same time of year, just like me. The crisp chill of autumn air still reminds me of pregnancy nausea. In fact, both my girls had the same due date (which made me wonder if I was fertile only once a year?! ); but each of my kids are so different. Binky and Maddie are similar, but you’ll see that they will also be vastly different.
Hugs.
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..The countdown begins =-.
Nicole says:
I will pray longer and harder today. I’m sorry, just so sorry you dont have her today.
Jessie says:
Dates are weird, although they are a timestamp for the terrible things we have had to face and survive, they are also a reminder that we are still functioning, that we can survive even the worst things — though we sometimes wish we wouldn’t — and provide strength to others with our own ability to keep going.
You help provide me strength in a dark and difficult time with your ability to believe and hope.
Alicia says:
I wish I could say that everything will be fine, but I know you can’t believe that until you have your sweet Binky baby in your arms. Today will pass. Thinking of you.
Aunt Becky says:
Shit, man, I knew this was coming. I thought for some reason it was tomorrow. I’m so sorry, Heather, what an awful reminder of all that has happened.
Love to you, Maddie, Binky and Mike.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..That Stupid Butterfly Can Bite Me. =-.
Erin says:
I will be thinking and praying about you all this weekend.
Lisa says:
Just keep remembering that this pregnancy is different. I will send you positive thoughts all day. You’ll get through this day.
Hugs
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..St. Louis Zoo =-.
Alli says:
*sigh* I will pray that you make it through this day ok. No wonder you don’t sleep well! I just know that after this HEALTHY baby is born, your insomnia will end (ha, obviously when he/she starts sleeping through the night) as well as your nightmares. Just keep telling yourself the positive things that you ended this post with because you are right! Knowing you have a dr that is well aware of your condition and you are being monitored so closely will and has helped so much.
Thinking of you often and praying for you and Mike.
~Hugs from TX
.-= Alli´s last blog ..Friend Makin’ Monday =-.
PB and Jazz says:
I would be having the same thoughts, the same anxiety as you. I hope you feel all the prayers and good thoughts that are happening on your families behalf this weekend.
.-= PB and Jazz´s last blog ..A Piece of Me =-.
Alexandra says:
I know…after tragedy, you’re like a little broken bird. You don’t know what you can believe or trust anymore…and you’re too scared to let your guard down and think of the best.
You’re never the same again.
I’ll pray for you to find peace in your heart, and to go ahead and feel positive, even though you weren’t dealt a fair hand. Not one bit.
cindy w says:
Ugh, what a horrible anniversary. And of course, even knowing that this pregnancy is totally different still isn’t enough to allow you to stop holding your breath. I hope you can someday, though. *hugs*
.-= cindy w´s last blog ..on parents & aging =-.
Jennifer says:
I know it’s scary, but please try not to worry! It really think this pg is different and it sounds like it ‘s going SO well!
I’ve mentioned before that my sister has the same clottimng condition as you and, once she started treatment, her pregnancies were perfect!
Thinking lots of positive thoughts for you!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Swimming With Dolphins! =-.
AnnD says:
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Again, everyone always says this. I still can’t imagine….I think of Maddie, you, your hubby and Binky so often! Once again, I don’t have any grand advice except to just take it day by day with Binky. I am now 29 weeks pregnant (after a hemmorhage with this pregnancy and a miscarriage in Feb.) and every night, I say a prayer of thanks for “26 weeks and 1 day….26 weeks 2 days, 26 weeks, 3 days, etc…” It’s been going on since I found out I was pregnant….I can’t wait to “meet” Binky and see your belly grow! [sending hugs from Indiana]
Mary says:
Maddie made this September 4th different. She’s watching out for all of you…probably saying WOW! at how Binky is growing and how things are progressing nicely. The firsts you go through until next April will be horrendous. But I’ve discovered in this last year that the anticipation of the date is much, much worse than anything that can happen that day. You, Mike, Rigby and your families will make it through today with the amazing strength that you all have. All of us will hold you even tighter today.
Diane says:
We are sending hugs your way today, Heather.
Jen says:
I, too, had a NICU baby the first time around, I, too, had a diffacult first pregnancy. SO when I got pregnant with baby #2, I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, constantly worried that something bad was going to happen, thinking that he would end up in the NICU again. SO I completely know where you’re coming from. In the end, I had a picture perfect delivery and a perfect baby boy….. I didn’t breathe a sigh of reliefe until we were home, because I kept waiting for them to tell me that they had to admit him to the NICU….. he’s 9 months old now, I never stop worrying about both boys, it’s your right as a mother to always worry about your children and think about them all the time. Just try listening to some Enya when times get you agnst
Courtney says:
Big hugs to you today! God Bless as always!
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..About Time =-.
Jennifer W says:
Heather,
My cousin sent me your website and I’ve been reading about Maddie for several months. I’m just another mom who believes in you and is in awe of you and Mike’s strength. I too am pregnant due in March. It’s also a high risk pregnancy and I live with the fear of what could happen. So in honor of Maddie I enrolled in a study yesterday at Baylor University In Houston that is researching premature births. They will take samples from me and samples from the placenta and cord blood after the baby is born to figure out if something can be done to prevent premature deliveries. Just thought I’d share. We’ll be praying for you. Sending you baby hugs!
Jenn
Tracy I says:
Thinking of you, Mike and Binky today…..always thinking of Maddie.
Amanda says:
Milestones.
Ugh – why is it that they come one after another – sometimes with no let up…
Thinking of you today Heather.
((And I’m hoping that Lee Corso doesn’t make us BOTH mad this weekend – boo Lee!))
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Life – It’s What You Make It =-.
Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) says:
Love to you…
.-= Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba)´s last blog ..Water glass: the new paper clip holder =-.
Jill says:
I am thinking of you guys on this hard day. My little boy and I pray for you and Mike and Maddie at night.
Kim says:
I understand, I really do. there are so many milestones, hurdles really to stumble over. This is just one of them.
Be gentle with yourself and know that this pregnancy is different, this baby is different, everything is different, including this.
If you need to talk, you know where to find me.
xoxo
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Don’t Stop Believin (or why I love Glee) =-.
Debby says:
How can you not be scared. Everything inside of you, everything you experienced has to haunt you. That’s the sad part of reading the blogs of women with baby loss. When they become pregnant again wanting so much to enjoy the pregnancy yet always wondering is today the day that things will go wrong. It is hard to convince your heart that this baby is safe. I will pray for your comfort. Things are different this time.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE =-.
Rita from the Chicago says:
You’re right…anything can happen. But “anything” also means that you could go full-term and Binky could come into this world with no complications and she (he?) could come home with you after just a few days in the hospital. Indeed, anything can happen, but “anything” can be good too.
I’m not a mom (hopefully soon, though) so I know I can’t really give you any advice, but I am a “half-full” type of woman, and I can’t help but think that “anything” will be a good thing…cause you certainly deserve it. You are so strong and a truly amazing woman. Hang in there on this September 4th. Thanks for sharing.
Scattered Mom says:
Sending you happy thoughts to calm your worries. Everything will be okay, even if you have to keep telling yourself that moment to moment.
.-= Scattered Mom´s last blog ..Cookie Crumbs: Parenting a Teenager =-.
Cheryl says:
Wow. My water broke on September 3rd… And I was quickly hospitalized afterward since Jillian was breech. Still thinking about you, Mike, Binky and Maddie. xoxo
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Dieting, working out, crying, oh my…. =-.
Sara Joy says:
{{HUGS}} I know this will be a hard day.
And you’re right, about all of it, but you left out the part where you are different. In some easily seen ways it feels like for the worse, but in so many ways for the better. You know more, you are more proactive, more aggressive and more prepared. You know how to be a mom, what gift Maddie has given to Binky, teaching you how to be such an amazing mom.
And what a gift you give to all of us, sharing the amazing Madeline, and your amazing heart.
.-= Sara Joy´s last blog ..The Long and The Short of It =-.
Molly says:
Would it help if we all reminded you that this pregnancy is different too?
This pregnancy is different. It really is.
(Even if we don’t know exactly how pregnant you are!)
Feel better. Eat some ice cream, if you can keep it down
tara says:
so many hugs to you. today and every single day. xoxo
Domestic Extraordinaire says:
((((Heather, Mike & Binky)))))) much love to you guys. Thinking of you and always thinking of Maddie.
xoxo
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..TGIF with some winners!! =-.
Mrs. Wilson says:
I’m so sorry! I’m glad that you have better prenatal care this time. That makes me happy. I’m so glad that you have this new little miracle to help heal your hearts. She’s already being a great little sister to Madeline!
.-= Mrs. Wilson´s last blog ..did someone request some wedding photos? =-.
Pattie says:
Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
.-= Pattie´s last blog ..Photoblogging: Brooklyn Bridge Cables =-.
jeffra says:
I hadn’t realized our waters broke the same day, one year apart…you and I. I so wish we wouldn’t have shared that day, which would mean Maddie would still be here with you and all of us…I am so sorry you didn’t have a different outcome. I will always think of you on this date that we share. Good thoughts, Binky sounds like she is doing great! xoxo
Erin says:
Thinking of you on this day…and everyday. Hugs to you and your family and Mike!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Last Summer Vacation =-.
Kristen McD says:
Sending so many thoughts and hopeful prayers your way. And love.
Leslie says:
I know September 4th is a difficult day. As always, I am thinking of you. I am so glad that you and Binky are being monitored so carefully by doctors. I understand you constantly being in fear during this pregnancy because the only other pregnancy you know is when you were pregnant with Maddie. Yes, this pregnancy is different, but our minds don’t forget our previous experiences…although, sometimes I wish they could.
I love you.
Janine says:
I haven’t commented here before but have read your posts, feeling it was enough to just listen. However, this time I felt compelled to offer something.
I spent a good deal of my life being afraid. I was sure the worst could happen, and the thing is? I was right. The worst can happen to anyone of us at any time. . It can happen when you least expect it and when you’re sure it will happen. It can happen on an otherwise ordinary Tuesday. It can happen if you’ve lived a charmed life, or if you have had more than your share of troubles. That’s just the way life is.
Knowing that, then, we have to decide what we are going to do with our life, since worrying about what could happen will not change anything and it only wastes valuable time.. The budhists believe that there is only this moment. I am not budhist but I think this is a good way to live, the only way to live, really. Any other way of spending our time, either hoping for the best or fearing the worst is simply throwing a perfectly good moment away.
You have something very big in your favor. You are strong and brave. You;ve chose to look life right in the face and to live it. Not everyone in your situation could do that.
You have unfortunately experienced first hand the precariousness of life. You know through this experience that not one moment can be taken for granted. This knowledge is the gift of a horrible experience.
You deserve to be happy.
.-= Janine´s last blog ..Deep Thoughts From "The Road" =-.
maya says:
Every pregnancy IS different H. You and I know that. You will not rest easy until that child is born at 39 weeks. I know it. The diff this time around? Binky has a VERY special little angel that is there protecting her…. love you alwaus
.-= maya´s last blog ..My Vice =-.
Insta-Mom says:
Hugs.
.-= Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Fire =-.
Mary in AZ says:
As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers often.
~HUGS~
Kelsey says:
These “anniversary” days are so difficult. I am saying extra prayers to bring you to the other side of this (and every) difficult day.
.-= Kelsey´s last blog ..First Day =-.
Lindsay from Florida says:
Anything can happen, you are right. And all I can say is that every single person commenting (and reading) here is sending wishes and prayers that yours, Mike’s, and Binky’s future is full of anything and everything beautiful and peaceful. That’s the very least the universe can do for already putting you through the cruellest “anything” I can think of.
Marti from Michigan says:
Life is a journey with twists and turns. Your family went on a twist that led to pain and hurt. You’re doing so well on your journey, both Mike and You.
I keep praying for you and loving your family from way over here in Michigan. Spohr family (and Heather’s family), you are SO brave! You deserve the Medal of Freedom for sure.
I know too that Labor Day happens to fall on the 7th this year, which will be another difficult day for you. My prayers will cover you this whole weekend and that day, for sure.
So brave all of you are, so very, very brave!
Jenn says:
Memories can be so bittersweet. So sorry that today is a hard one for you.
I hope tomorrow is a little easier for you.
Big hugs, Jenn in CA
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Well it’s official…..I’m old =-.
Jenn says:
I’m sorry; I wish I had words to ease your pain.
I know what you mean, to a limited extent-my preemie is four now and by all intents and purposes, healthy. Each time she gets a little sick, my mind goes back to the days of watching her be resuscitated several times over her first year of life. My husband wants a baby; he deserves one–he is an amazing father to my girls–but I am afraid, so afraid of what it could bring.
You are so unbelievably strong and brave…thinking of you.
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Five Feet Tall =-.
charlene says:
Have faith…it will be ok…
mythoughtsonthat says:
Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..Guilty Secret =-.
Glenda says:
Thinking of you and sending you hugs xx
Trisha Vargas says:
Many thoughts and lots of hugs to you on this difficult day.
Thinking of you all daily and praying that little Binky stays healthy and stays in there for 40 weeks and 1 day for good measure!!
Your friend in Florida.
Laura says:
Even 41 weeks! I’m praying!!!!
Cinthia says:
With so many people praying for you, this pregnancy BETTER be different!
Hugs and happy thoughts~
Coloradolady says:
wishing for you peace on this hard day.
.-= Coloradolady´s last blog ..Beginner Quilting Class: FINISHED QUILT =-.
Laura says:
I can not say it any better than everyone above. Your daughters are both so loved. May that love and all those prayers surround you today (and everyday) and bring you some peace. We are all pulling for you and your precious Binky. Before long this day will be over, and you will see that Binky stayed strong for her Mommy and Daddy and big sister Maddie.
Love for all of you!
xoxoxoxo
Jennifer says:
Such a hard day for you, Heather. I can totally understand why you can’t relax. How could you ever fully relax being pregnant again when you’ve seen how fragile life is.
I know after three miscarriages, I couldn’t relax during my pregnancy until the very end – and even barely then.
Just know there are thousands of us out here sending positive vibes and supporting you every day. We’ll never forget Maddie and can’t wait to “meet” her little sister.
Take care of yourself, Mama…
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..The elephant in the…crib? =-.
Lauren says:
Here with good thoughts as always.
.-= Lauren´s last blog ..Assume we’re ALWAYS grading on a curve =-.
Jen says:
Valentines day was/is my “nightmare” day. I think it will stick like that for life. My parents were so good to me too. They took me and my son to Disneyland for our first anniversary of the bad news. Thank god for parents! Take care and stay positive.
Kim says:
So sorry you are going through this. My anniversary date of my water breaking at 21 weeks is September 30th. As it approaches, everything reminds me of that horrible day. I am seeing a therapist because I have developed PTSD from the whole experience. Everyone tells me I should just be happy because the girls are doing so well. It’s just not that easy. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Liliana says:
I understand. It’s normal for you to feel this way. After I had 2 miscarriages, I was pregnant for the 3rd time. Had almost the perfect pregnancy and yet I could not relax until the day my daughter was born.
I keep checking your posts every night, and confident that Binky is (and will be) fine. We keep cheering for you. When you feel stress just take some deep breaths and try to relax.
Hugs
Amy says:
So sorry this pregnancy is laced with such pain.
Please try to remember this time your doctors and you and your husband are being ultra vigilant and so far everything has gone so well. That so many of us out there in the WWW are praying for you all.
You will always miss your darling daughter sadly, which breaks my heart. Give Binky at least as much love for all of us who are out there faceless, rooting for you all.
Hugs to you and yours, Amy
Michelle W says:
When you consider that other Mother’s have anxieties about whether the baby growing inside them will be strong, healthy and complication free it’s more than just a little understandable you would feel terrified. I can only hope for you that the joys of this pregnancy will outweigh the fears and that you continue to get more and more reassurance with each and every check-up. I can hardly wait for Binky’s arrival and I feel blessed to have “met” your family, there is so much beauty.
Desiree says:
Heather, I read your blog every single day. They way you write about Maddie makes me feel like i know her. She has touched my soul. I pray for you and the new baby each and everyday. today i decided to start blog buzzing about other blogs i follow and I started with yours. You are a amazing person with alot of strength. I wish you and your family the best.
.-= Desiree ´s last blog ..Blog Buzz: The Sphors are Multiplying =-.
Krissa says:
(((Hugs))) from afar. Thinking of you and hoping you have many moments of peace and relief from the fear.
karen M. says:
There are things we have absolutely no control over, and worrying and fretting over what “might” happen only makes things worse. My grandmother once told me.. “95 percent of the things I worried about during my 85 years NEVER HAPPENED. What a waste of time.” Enjoy all that is good, right now in this moment. I’m excited for you! Wish I knew some remedies for that nausea… the only thing that helped me along was gingersnaps and gingerale.
.-= karen M.´s last blog ..Beaming =-.
Patty says:
I do so hope that as time passes, the dates will hold more good memories of sweet Maddie (and soon Binky too!), and the more painful memories fade. Things ARE different this time. You are right, you never know what will happen and we are never safe so I think the best thing to do is live in the moment, enjoy each day and moment you have with Mike and Binky. It’s the only thing we can do, hold our loved ones tight for as long as we are allowed to have them. Maddie is watching over you and Mike and helping Binky get ready to meet Mommy and Daddy! Much love always, Patty
.-= Patty´s last blog ..My sweet little lady… =-.
Jane says:
I’m as scared as you are. I hold my breath every time I read your blog, then sigh in relief when I see you’re alright. You have a miracle coming. This time is going to be ok.
FireMom says:
It is true that every pregnancy is different. While all of mine were complicated and carried huge risk of prematurity, I only lost one baby. That said, the pregnancy after that lost baby, I was a freaking mess. I regret it a bit now, not having enjoyed it as much as I should have but I can’t change anything for myself or for you. I can tell you that we’re praying and that I truly hope you can find some enjoyment.
Sending our best.
.-= FireMom´s last blog ..Pics of the Week: The One with the Busy Schedule =-.
tricia mumby says:
you also have tens of thousands of people thinking of you everyday. Sending good thoughts and keeping you in prayers. This time aroud is different, but you’ll always remember. You’re amazing and strong.
Karen says:
thinking of you.
Maria Delgado says:
You are so brave. I have such respect for you. Stay strong.
IzzyMom says:
I know anything can happen but I have to believe things will go much better with this pregnancy. And in addition to everything else, there is SO MUCH positive energy being sent your way. The whole internet is pulling for you and Mike and the baby.
I just realized that Monday was the 7th and probably a tough day for you. I’m sorry, darlin’. Much love to all four of you xo
Al_Pal says:
Glad you are well past this ominous date.
Continuing to wish and pray for a healthy, full-term pregnancy for you and Binky.