After my D&C, Dr. Hirisk told me to wait two months/cycles before we could try again. To be honest, it was kind of a relief. It meant two months of not tracking what day it was, or using ovulation sticks. I didn’t have to think much about what I ate or drank. I could exercise as hard as I wanted, or not at all. Most of all, I could focus on Annie in a way my previous summer plans (puking my guts out) wouldn’t have made easy. It almost felt like a vacation.
But, that “vacation” is drawing to an end, and I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I really want that new member of our family to be here. I wish that baby could be here already. I’m ready for the all-night feedings and the love and smells and diapers and cuddles. I’m so ready for Annie to be a big sister. I want her to have a sibling relationship. I want to see her nurture and kiss and love a little brother or sister.
Except, I don’t know. It means gearing up again…mentally, emotionally, physically. I have to prepare myself for negative ovulation and pregnancy tests. I have to be able to handle disappointment. I need to not freak out when I realize, for the millionth time, that I have very little control.
And of course, there’s the fear that I’ll miscarry again. Or worse.
For now, I am just going to focus on the rest of my vacation…and maybe think about extending it.
Jenn says:
You hit the nail right on the head when you said maybe you’ll extend it. I know you’re anxious for a baby and there is no doubt in my mind you’ll get that baby but Heather, if you still need a break, take it. It’s something
only you know
Enjoy your break and relax…..you never know maybe this next baby might even come during break time?!
Mommy says:
Both times I have forbidden ovulation sticks and period math from my house were when I got preggers. I don’t know if it was the break from the pressure that did it, but maybe you can extend your vacation by not actively trying, but not preventing either? Sometimes it’s a nice happy medium. Do whatever it is that feels right to you. You have to take care of you and your heart.
Love to you all! Annie is going to be an amazing big sister!!!
karen says:
Sadly you cant just let what will be happen, your previous medical history has dictated that.
But you do have control over some things. I think you will know in your heart and mind when youre ready for that rollercoaster that comes with your pregnancies. If you want to extend your vacation then theres a reason for that. Most people, however brilliant the holiday, always end up wanting to come back. You will want to come back on day too. Until then, eat, drink and be merry!
Sue says:
Wishing you all the best, Heather!
Heather says:
We’re on the same vacation, for different reasons, after a long shot at trying to get pregnant. We’re at the point when we are dealing with the fertility clinic and rapidly approaching our date that we were going to start trying again.
The nerves are a little frayed by the prospect. I hear you on the negative test strips.
I wish everyone who wanted to have a baby was able to conceive right away and have an easy and uncomplicated pregnancy. I hope this next go round is successful for you and Mike, and of course for Annie to be a big sister.
Kristin says:
Do what your heart and mind are telling you to do. If that means extending the vacation, then extend it. Having to both totally control family growing and, at the same time, having no control,sucks in a big way. Maybe your mind needs the break as much as your body did.
Nellie says:
I don’t have anything profound to say but I just wanted you to know that you have us to lean on, to rejoice to and to walk along this journey with…every step of the way!
You and Mike are amazing and I know there’s more amazing things waiting to happen in your lives as parents!
TonyaM says:
Ditto!
Casey says:
I get it (sorta). It took us two years to get pregnant, and with every negative OPK test or Pregnancy test, my heart was crushed. It’s hard to skip a cycle or take a break when you want it to happen so bad, but the breaks were good – healing, necessary. While my situation is a bit different, I can relate enough to know it sucks. And I’m sorry Do what you need to do to feel sane and happy. Sending good vibes!
Kate says:
Hi Heather,
I am a long time reader/never before commented on this blog. I had found you through Matt Logelin’s blog a few years ago and have been following your account since. Having read and felt for your family and what you’ve gone through in the past few years makes me feel really stupid as I’m in the situation I am now. My husband and I married on June 2nd of this year and knew we wanted to start right away to have children. I have always known people that had a harder time getting pregnant and have lost pregnancies and had sat here thinking, “wow, that’s so hard. I feel so bad for them.” I am 23 and have been diagnosed with endometriosis. We are just starting this process and have had several complications already. I am currently awaiting the results of a biopsy and another vaginal ultrasound to get a realistic idea of what our chances are at having biological children.
I’m sorry to ramble on about myself, but I just want you to know that I have a whole new respect for everything you’ve been through and exactly how strong you are. I’m devastated at the thought that I may never be able to give my husband children of his own. I feel bad for having fleeting thoughts of sympathy for people in this situation. It is not a feeling that ever leaves you. It’s absolutely consumed my mind and I’m finding it hard to focus on anything else. I am sooo early in this and have already felt like I should just give up now and have another IUD placed. Like “how stupid you felt thinking this would be easy, of course you’ll never have kids.” The feelings of giving up and hopelessness are persistent. I applaud your courage and strength because I’m doubting I have half of the persistence it’s going to take to see this through.
I’ll continue to follow closely and keep your family in my prayers. That being said, I understand the constant struggle and consumption that this situation has on a family. I’m not going to offer any advice or use any generic phrases to offer comfort, because I know there is none.
Thank you for showing a young wanna-be mommy how to be courageous for the ones we’re so hoping to bring into this world.
Love from OH
Valerie says:
My heart just breaks for y’all having to deal with this, both mentally and physically. I hope that when the time is right, you will be able to relax and get pregnant with no problems. I can’t wait to share in your joy!!!!
Debby Pucci says:
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))
Molly says:
Take it one month, or really one day at a time. You have time to wait till you’re feeling ready, which is especially important for you because your pregnancies are so medically intensive.
Sara says:
My heart breaks for you.
We got pregnant while on birth control with my son.
Foolishly thinking our planned second pregnancy would be “easy”.
We lost that baby, and the one after that.
It’s a horrible experience.
(lost the first one two day before our summer trip to my inlaws across the country..had to continue bloodwork in Ohio to make sure everything was leveled out).
We found out about our third attempt on Mothers Day…and my daughter was born that January.
Blessings and love to you -!
Annalisa says:
I understand the longing for a new little one. I feel it too sometimes. But taking a break from it? Totally understandable and alright. You’re only 33 (as opposed to yours truly, who’s in the higher end of her 30s). You have plenty of time to work on a new baby, and for Annie to be a big sister. It will happen when you’re mentally, emotionally, and physically ready.
Desiree Durang says:
I hear exactly what you’re saying. Your hearts longs for the end result but your emotional energy is not there yet. We have been on an extended “vacay” from baby making. My heart longs for my son to have a sibling and my arms ache for another baby. But I am taking this time to get my head right mentally and emotionally to the point where it doesn’t feel so dramatic to put all the work into it. (shots and pills and IV’s…) It’s a struggle to be patient but I am reaching a more centered place. It’s taken me time to realize, I still have time. So, you’ll be fine. You still have time to relax and wait for when the time is right.
Elizabeth says:
I am so sorry. I sadly understand exactly how you’re feeling. After my miscarriage, we were told to wait a cycle and then try again. I had very mixed emotions when we started trying again. But finally I came to realize my desire to expand our family outweighed my fears. Don’t feel like you have to rush yourself; if you feel like you need more time off, take it. Or you could compromise and ditch the ovulation tests and just see what happens. GL!
Issa says:
I know in some ways, I know nothing. I haven’t lived through what you and Mike did with Maddie. But miscarriage I do get. I had a 14 week one almost five years ago. Technically you can start trying again. All the docs say that and I do know people who have. But emotionally? When you carried a baby for as long as you did. Sigh. I’d suggest waiting. Give it another month and then maybe up to three more after that. Annie will be a great big sister. Whenever it happens.
For what it’s worth, I got pregnant with my son six months after my miscarriage. It wasn’t long enough for me. I was a nut case until he was here. But that’s just me.
I wish you all the best on this one.
Aimee says:
I know how you feel with the dread of the “negative” (ovulation/pregnancy tests). After being diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovaries, its nice to know why my parts aren’t working correctly, but now I just WANT THEM TO WORK. Ugh. Negative tests are so disheartening. Here’s to hoping for more “positives” in the future
Tauni says:
TTC is the hardest. I am soooo grateful we live in a point in time where we can actually be open and honest and talk about it. It does help make the trying easier knowing there are others with you, experiencing those trials and willing to talk about those feelings with you. I am so grateful I wasn’t born 40 years earlier cause keeping all those feelings to myself like they were expected to would have killed me!
I am sorry you are struggling. If you need more time, take it! Sometimes you need that to gear up and have the energy to face those days of testing.
Lanie says:
Enjoy the vacation! I wish it wasn’t, but the ovulation/pregnancy roller coaster can be such a rough ( and terrifying) ride. Take care.
Zoë says:
It’s just so hard, isn’t it? My OB told me I could try again 3 cycles after my early miscarriage. Everything I read on Dr. Google told me I could try after two cycles, and I did think about it, but something told me I should wait that extra month, so I did. Violet, my precious third baby, was conceived the first month we tried. And though I was stressed during that pregnancy, I knew it would be okay, which was very different to how I felt with the pregnancy I lost (I just knew something was wrong). Follow your heart, Heather, and do what feels right to you.
Love, hugs and hop to you. xxx
Zoë says:
Shoot, that should say “hope” but hopping can be quite good for the soul too, I think. Have a hopping session with Annie and see if that’s true.
Jessica says:
That gearing yourself up for it all is so difficult, especially after all you’ve been through. I hope you take your vacation as long as you need to and then end it will baby smells soon to follow.
Glenda says:
Thinking of you!
Maybe… the baby will come while not thinking of ending your vacation… he/she will surprise you. I hope so… I hope it’s not so stressful. One day at a time!
Shannon says:
Sending good vibes your way!
Kirsten says:
Oh girl do I know how you feel….we miscarried in March and my doctor wanted 3 regular cycles before trying again. We are almost there, and I’m quite honestly scared to get pregnant again and not sure I’m ready…my doctor said I will be nervous no matter how long I wait – but I’m with you – that fear of it happening again …oy.
I’m creeping up on 35, and our son is 4 now, and I feel like time is cruising by so fast. I so badly want to see our son be a big brother and smooch on a new baby….but man, my nerves are kinda shot whenever I think about it!
Best of luck to you guys
Vera says:
Thinking of you guys.
I have four kids, and lost four pregnancies at various stages. That last (successful) pregnancy was so stressful, because I kept thinking that my odds at that point were not in my favor. But babies are not odds. A terrifying pregnancy/delivery ended in a healthy baby. I wish the same for you!
Rachel W. says:
In my own way, I understand some of what you’re feeling right now. I got pregnant for the first time in October of last year, miscarried at 10 weeks, got pregnant again right away, and then miscarried at 6 weeks. My ovulation vacation has been extended more times than I can count. I’m just not ready to put my heart out there to be broken again. Plus, the summer is much more fun when booze is involved