So as I’ve mentioned in the past, I have a clotting disorder called Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome. In really simple terms, it means my body’s immune system “attacks” its own clotting mechanism. It’s exacerbated by pregnancy, so I have to take an anti-coagulant, or blood thinner. When I was first diagnosed, I just assumed the treatment was a daily pill. But those pills cause birth defects, so when I became pregnant I had to start giving myself injections right into my stomach.
Dr. Blood and Dr. Risky decided to put me on a fairly new blood thinner called Arixtra. It works just like heparin or lovenox for all you drugs.com nerds out there. I am lucky that it comes in boxes of pre-mixed syringes:
The first time I injected myself, I begged Dr. Risky for a lesson. Dr. Blood’s nurse had walked me through it the day before, but she used a mixing needle to mime the procedure. A mixing needle is literally five inches long. I’m not afraid of needles, but that needle looked long enough to give me an amniocentesis. So I spent the entirety of that lesson trying not to faint. Luckily Dr. Risky’s nurse was willing to walk me through my first injection. She gave me a swab of alcohol to clean my stomach, showed me how to get all the air out of the syringe, and then said, “and then you grab some skin and plunge the needle in!”
I stood there for what felt like an hour trying to get up the nerve to drive a needle into my stomach. I’d spent my whole life saying no to IV drugs (and you know, other drugs), it was hard to go against all those years of anti-drug teachings.
(Mike, it should be noted, stood there the whole time with a big grin on his face saying, “Do it! DO IT! One two THREE!” Bastard.)
Once I finally succeeded in injecting myself, Dr. Risky’s nurse sent me home with a chart to keep track of my injection sites:
At first I thought, Oh, how handy! And then I realized that there was no need for it, because my stomach is its own chart. I have needle marks and bruises all across my abdomen. Pretty. As of now, I haven’t been given the go-ahead to move the shots to my legs.
The needle is very thin and sharp, and is about as long as a dime’s diameter.
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn’t. There are two kinds of hurt. The first is the pain of the injection. Often, the needle slides in like butter, but other times there is some resistance and that’s…not awesome. The other kind of hurt is the burning sensation that can come with the liquid being injected. But really, I am using the terms “pain” and “hurt” loosely because really it’s just minor discomfort for a couple minutes. Nothing any of us couldn’t deal with. Nothing any of us wouldn’t do for the health of our babies.
I’m pretty used to injecting myself now. For the first week I had some misfires where I’d start to stick the needle into my stomach, only to chicken out and barely pierce the skin. I’ve hit a couple spots that bled. Once time blood literally shot out of the injection site. It was unpleasant.
So far the shots have succeeded in preventing any clots in my uterus or inside the amniotic sac with Binky. With Madeline, there were two large clots present at my seven week sonogram. My weekly ultrasound checks for clots like that, and also for any separations that may have started. Blood thinners increase the risk of placental abruption, so Dr. Risky is constantly on the lookout for signs that the placenta may have started to pull away.
It is comforting to be so closely monitored, but after every appointment I cry about what could have – should have – been for Madeline. I wish I’d had such attentive doctors when I was pregnant with her. How I wish I’d been tested for APS once my clots were discovered. I would have gladly given myself shots or ANYTHING if it would have given Maddie more time in the womb. I try not to get caught up in what-ifs, but every day when I jab the needle into my skin I can’t help but think of how things could have – should have – been different.
Kate in NZ says:
Oh, Heather. Hugs to you. Careful ones!
.-= Kate in NZ´s last blog ..Blast from the past =-.
Seraphim says:
Oh Heather, the injections and the what ifs. So painful. I have to say I looked at the needle and felt faint. (But I am a wimp anyway so ignore me) There is nothing we won’t do for our babies and I know there is nothing you wouldn’t have done. Sending love and maybe some arnica for the bruising. I’m glad Binky is doing okay. xxxxx
.-= Seraphim´s last blog ..The end in friendship =-.
Kelly says:
It’s easier said than done to not think of the what-ifs… Nobody could blame you for feeling that way.
I sincerely hope that your outcome this time is very, very different in all the good ways. I know that Maddie wasn’t a sickly baby, and I know that even with a completely healthy baby you still worry, but I really hope that you can have this baby, KNOW that there are no problems that could cause you as much pain as you now suffer, and be able to relax and enjoy this new life that you and Mike have created.
Wishing you so much love, happiness and healthiness with this pregnancy (and life going forward). Big hugs.
btw – LOVE the unlce pic =)
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Bubblewrap heaven =-.
Krissa says:
Like Seraphim, I felt like I was going to faint when I saw the first needle picture. The second one with the coin (I’m not even sure if it was a dime/nickel/quarter because I couldn’t look and can’t bring myself to go back to look and check) made my hands start shaking – and they still are shaking. … You are such a wonderful mom and Maddie and Binky are lucky you are theirs. Sorry you have to do all those shots.
Brandy says:
Just a tip. I work in an ICU, and we give Arixtra a lot. You should not expel the air bubble from the syringe, as you run the risk of losing some of the medication. Check out the administration guidelines on their website, arixtra.com.
I know the shots aren’t fun, but we are all here cheering you on. Sending you good vibes.
T says:
I was going to say the same thing about taking the air out of the syringe. Unless the dose in the syringe is more than you need, you shouldn’t take the air out.
I have never posted before, but you have been in my prayers. My water broke at 19 weeks with our first son and I was on bedrest until he was born at 28 weeks. Reading your older posts brought me right back to our NICU/post NICU days. I am so sorry that you lost your precious baby girl. I still worry about losing our little man every day (he’s 3.5 and still has crappy lungs). Prematurity sucks. But to give you some hope, our second son was born FT and healthy.
tammy says:
I agree with this post. I’m also a nurse. You should not be expelling the air first.
As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I will pray that everything goes smoothly for you and Binky.
Amanda says:
I was just going to post about this but saw it had already been shared with you- you shouldn’t expel the air first. I am praying for you!
Lucy says:
Me too, I was gonna say that. I just read your post and was going to ask why they’d tell you to expell the air out of a preloaded syringe. Not only do you risk loosing meds if you try to expell it, the reason the air is there is to help push ALL of the meds out. The bubble should be at the back of the syringe so that the plunger is pushing on it.
I too have to take daily LMWH shots when i’m preggo so i totally understand how that feels.
Finally, i wanna tell you beautiful Madeline was, but you already know that I hope you have a smooth pregnancy with Binky.
Brittanie says:
Thinking of you and loving you, Mike, Maddie & Binky everyday! Thank you for continuing to share all your beautiful bittersweet moments with us. I wish desperately that you never had to live in a world without Maddie and full of what if’s and if only’s…but I’m joyful for new beginnings and praying for peace & healing everyday. Also, thank you for sharing this particular post. As a nursing student it made it doubly interesting…and a little cringe inducing. For someone who will soon be giving shots, I am still an incredibly big baby about receiving them. All the best
NoL says:
What a bittersweet time for you.
I am sure that word does not even begin to cover it.
Continued healthy vibes to you, Binky & Mike.
Kathryn says:
I’m so glad that this medicine seems to be working for you…that’s wonderul! And I’m also sorry,mad and frustrated that this wasn’t discovered early on with your Madeline pregnancy. I too would most likely do the “what if” questions. I suppose it’s hard not to.
I hope things continue to go well with Binky. I look forward to getting to know this little person and I hope he or she is just as spunky as little Madeline was!
Will you & Mike try to find out ahead of time if it’s a boy or girl?
Heather says:
Yes, we will. I have no patience!
Sarah says:
Argh, I hate needles! *hugs*
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..9st 3, boyfriends: 0 or sort of 1 (gah), alcohol units: 0, calories: how do I know?! =-.
leena says:
as much as the “what if ” demons can torture you, it ‘s not a simple thing just to turn those thoughts off.
We all know you would have done anything and everything you could have to make things better and easier on Maddie, but just remind yourself that with the knowledge and options that you did have at the time you did do your best- just like you are doing for this baby.
i said a prayer for you yesterday and will continue to do so faithfully throughout this pregnancy and birth..
ali (adil320) says:
Oh Heather, needles. I’m glad you aren’t a needle wuss like me, Yikes. You are such an amazing woman, and an incredible loving Mother to both Madeline and Binky.
I wish you continued great scans, and I pray for the day when you hit a point in your pregnancy when you can rest a bit easier.
Love to you, Mike & Rigby
.-= ali (adil320)´s last blog ..A Letter =-.
Maria says:
I had a teacher in third grade who used to have to inject himself with something. I guess in the 80’s it was totally cool to do that right in front of your whole damn class. Ever since then I’ve been impressed and fascinated by anyone who has to do injections on a regular basis like that. I’m glad you can talk about it. That needle looks barf-worthy to me.
There’s a whole team of people thinking about you and cheering for Binky over here in St. Pete. My mother-in-law, who doesn’t even know that I blog, has you on her prayer list at church. (They’re more traditionally religious than I am.)
Love ya lady.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..hi, I’m from the internet =-.
eden says:
Mate, that “what-if” game … one of the biggest, never-ending games in the whole world. It’s fruitless, but hard not to play .. especially when the stakes have been so terribly, achingly high.
Thinking of you heaps … hope you have a wonderful time this weekend, and don’t get too swamped!
Eden XO
.-= eden´s last blog ..Each Day a New Beginning =-.
amanda says:
I can only imagine how the “what-ifs” are going through your head – and I am so happy to hear that everything is going well so far.
xo from CT,
Amanda
PS I am such a wuss- you’re hardcore for giving yourself those shots! I thought I was a badass when I had to test my blood when I had gestational diabetes. Not so much.
.-= amanda´s last blog ..ok, ok, one more video, that’s it, I promise =-.
Earth_Mommy says:
I remember being diagnosed with gestational diabetes and being absolutely terrified diet wouldn’t control it and I would have to take insulin injections. I am sooo terrified of needles. You are my hero for being able to do this. And I am so happy you have such wonderful doctors to take care of you this time around. Maddie is taking care of you from afar, I am sure of it in my heart.
.-= Earth_Mommy´s last blog ..Weekly Winners =-.
Heather says:
I felt the same way when I had GD with Madeline. And now there’s a possibility I could get it again, and who knows if diet will control it this time. If I have to give myself insulin injections on top of this? THEN I will complain!
catherine lucas says:
The shots might be less itchy if you roll the serynge a bit inbetween your warm hands. Still, very brave of you to self inject. I don’t know if I could do it.
Glad they are monitoring you closer now, and now at least you have a bit more of a grip on the pregnancy. Or am I saying this wrong?
I wonder if Mike could do it once???? I bet we would have far less kiddos in the world if men would have to carry and birth them… grin
.-= catherine lucas´s last blog ..Living with the dead… =-.
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
I agree – if only your condition had been discovered before the blood clots forced Maddie out of the womb too soon. It’s so heartbreaking thinking about the “what ifs” and the “if onlys.”
.-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Now I’m Scared of Lemonade Stands =-.
Rash says:
ice the site where you want to inject for 10mins or so it helps with the pain and causes less bruising …
Karen says:
What-ifsare horrid and cruel.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Purple Lupines =-.
Lisa from WV says:
My heart goes out to you. I too have a clotting disorder (Leiden Factor V) and have been told that if I get pregnant I will have to take daily injections of Heparin in my stomach because I have already had one blood clot. I have not had any children yet because my risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, and a premature birth is higher than a normal woman’s, and the fear of going through that pain has prevented me from taking that plunge yet. I have already started the “what ifs” of something going wrong. It’s horrible to live in fear. I’m glad to hear the shots are working for you. Sending you and your family lots of love and prayers from across the country : )
Erica says:
Dear sweet Heather,
It is indeed so very, very unfair that you have to think about how things could have and should have been different, that you have to think about this every day as you inject those needles, injecting those needles every day must be so painful in more ways than one. I’m in awe of you yet again – in awe of your courage and your strength and your grace. Please know that you have so many people from all over the world who are thinking of you, dear sweet Heather, so many stranger friends like this stranger friend who are holding your hand from afar as you inject those needles every day and indeed walking this path with you. You are surrounded by so much love and support and always will be. Maddie is so proud of you, her amazing Mama. You are going to be such a wonderful Mama to Binky.
Thinking of you as always.
With love
your stranger friend, Erica in Luxembourg
Kristen McD says:
I can only imagine how hard all of this is. You;re so brave, fighting through. Both Binky and Madeline are so lucky you’re their mama.
Meg says:
The ‘”what if’s” will drive you mad if you let them. I would be sad and pissed too! I am so glad you have a wonderful team of doctors watching you and your baby grow.
You are a wonderful, selfless mom to give yourself a SHOT in the STOMACHE every single day to ensure your baby’s health…you make it sound routine and I know all of us would do what we had to do…but not w/o bitching…you are a great mom. As I said yesterday, Maddie did her job perfectly…made you a wonderful mom.
Joy (Injection Survivor) says:
I had to take injections twice a day for half my pregnancy and once a day for the other half.
I remember the first injection I had to give myself. At first I wanted my husband to do it, thought it would be easier. Then I got brave and did it myself after sitting there for about 30 minutes with the needle in my hand, shaking.
The beginning is the easy part, I had a hard time at the end when I could no longer find my abdomen, you know you can’t see your shoes how are you supposed to see under your belly button?
I wish for the best for you and your family. Don’t let the what-if’s take over, I can’t say they won’t be there, it has been 4 years (since we lost our son) and I still have what if’s.
Midwest Mommy says:
Ouch! I probably would have walked around with that needle in my hand for like an hour those for couple of days.
Are you going to BlogHer?
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..I wish I was lying! =-.
Heather says:
Yes, I am going to BlogHer. I arrive tomorrow. Will I see you there?
Midwest Mommy says:
Yes!
.-= Midwest Mommy´s last blog ..I wish I was lying! =-.
Christine says:
Oh the what-ifs Heather. They are so so hard. Hugs to you.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Titles =-.
Jen says:
Ouch!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Whaddaya wanna know?? =-.
Heather says:
Heather,
This is my first time posting here, but I’ve followed you ever since I found your site from Matt.
I just want to say that you are so brave and I hope that you have a very successful pregnancy!!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..forgot =-.
AnnD says:
I’m so thankful that you are receiving that medical care. Especially the U/S’s…those must be so comforting! I had similar issues with my current pregnancy–my placenta pulled up and layed it self back down, causing a hemmorhage and I got an U/S a week until week 12. I loved them!
I can only imagine how it makes you feel to know that your pregnancy with Maddie didn’t elicit the same care your doctor are providing you now…..there are no words for what that must be like…in a way, Maddie was a guardian angel to this baby before this baby was ever conceived…alerting doctors to your medical condition.
Greer's Mum says:
Heather,
I have been reading your blog since just before you lost Maddie and I have cried so much for you. I lost a son and now have a little girl. I know the pain of the what-ifs, I still have them almost everyday. I do smile now (years later), when I think of my little boy watching over his sister. She has a very special guardian angel, just like you and Mike and Binky have. You are such a strong, brave, woman, and I know sometimes it may not feel like it, but you are inspirational. I wish you, Mike and Binky, the best of everything, you deserve it.
Joe @ IrrationalDad says:
I don’t think it was ever spelled out that having that diagnosis may have/would have helped Maddie. I suspected so, but was afraid (I don’t really know why, probably because of sensitivity of the subject) to ask. Reading this post, more or less, clears that up for me. I’m so sorry, Heather.
On a curious note… Why do you have to change injection sites? Is it because of the pain involved in hitting the same spot twice in as many days? Is there a scarring concern? Just wondering.
Heather says:
It was explained to me a couple of ways. The first is the pain factor. The second reason is because, since it’s a blood thinner, repeated injection in the same place can break down the tissues in the area and hinder absorption.
I just smiled and nodded like I knew what that meant.
jean says:
I wonder if Maddie was so freakin amazing to some extent because of the obstacles she overcame. This thought makes more sense in my head (most do).
nic @mybottlesup says:
ouchie love… in so many ways. ouchie.
.-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..sleepy time =-.
PattiMcKenna says:
Heather,
So happy to hear the news. It is proof that God does indeed provide us with hope when we’ve lost it, and love when we feel empty, and a reason to go on. Maddie’s little brother or sister is going to know so much about her.
I know that having a child after losing one is scary. A wonderful, understanding pediatrician was my best friend. I took our next baby to the dr. so often (nervous mom) that they talked about giving me my own parking spot. Our son’s death made us aware of a problem that probably saved our next child’s life.
You have a community of support, lean hard if you have to. God bless you and the new baby you’ve been blessed with.
In a way, Maddie is saving her little brother or sister’s life. That’s an awesome gift from one awesome little girl.
Becky says:
I’ll give you your shots, lover. OH YEAH.
Shannon Kieta says:
This is Maddie taking care of her little sister/brother. God works in mysterious ways. It sucks it had to happen like this, but this time, you are going to have a healthy baby because Maddie is going to be the baby’s guardian angel! How great is that! I work in a hospital and actually am a Phlebotomist, but girl, you about made me puke with the description of how you give yourself shots…YUCK!!! You are one hell of a writer! Praying EVERY day for a safe,easy pregnancy Heather. No one deserves it more!!! Take care of yourself and don’t overdue it!!!!
Karen Sugarpants says:
Daren would totally say what Mike said. In fact, when I was in labour with Dylan, he was cheering so loudly the doctor told him to shutup. True story. Course, she was a tree hugging granola druid, but that’s neither here nor there.
You are one brave lady.
.-= Karen Sugarpants´s last blog ..Run Fat Girl, Run! =-.
Heather says:
At one point, he mimed eating popcorn. He is no longer allowed to watch me give myself shots!
Amber McN says:
I have these things for you:
Love
Hug
Ice
Glitter Shower
Enjoy!
.-= Amber McN´s last blog ..Photo Phriday: Puweshus Momories, we haz it. =-.
Lisa says:
I think the “what-ifs” are impossible to ignore, especially with daily and weekly reminders.
Those needles made me a bit faint. I don’t like needles, but I’m usually ok with them, but those look a bit daunting. I’m glad you’re getting used to them.
Love and hugs!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..States with Back to School Tax Holidays =-.
Christy says:
You are amazing.
.-= Christy´s last blog ..Life According To My Husband =-.
Sabrina says:
I know its hard not to get caught in the what-ifs! I would think the same way! Your not human if you do not think “what if?”
Im sorry you have to go through all of this and I will pray to who-ever is out there that everything is safe for you and Binky!!!
((((Hugs))))
.-= Sabrina´s last blog ..Time Travel =-.
LizardBreath says:
Whatever it takes, right? So glad that there is something you can do to make this trip a smooth one. Happy baby thoughts all around.
.-= LizardBreath´s last blog ..What kids eat =-.
JD at I Do Things says:
Oh, man, you are brave. But, as you say, what wouldn’t you do? (My husband would be hiding under the bed if I had to inject myself.)
I’m so looking forward to meeting you at BlogHer and hearing you read. See you in the Green Room!
.-= JD at I Do Things´s last blog ..I’m Wearing Clothes to BlogHer so you don’t have to =-.
Pgoodness says:
You’re right…any of us would do it if we had to. I’m glad you’re being so closely monitored. The what ifs are horrible, but the hope binky is bringing is wonderful
.-= Pgoodness´s last blog ..Loose! =-.
darcie says:
the good news is – you are armed with the knowledge you need now – to make sure that binky stays put until it’s time. I know it’s not much consolation…but it’s something ~
you can do this…
.-= darcie´s last blog ..4th of July ~ =-.
sam {temptingmama} says:
I got goosebumps then had to stop reading.
Hate needles.
I love you and think you’re extremely brave for doing this yourself. I would totally be covering my eyes and making (my) Mike do the injections.
See you soon!! xo
.-= sam {temptingmama}´s last blog ..The Obligatory ZOMG!!!11! #BlogHer09 Post =-.
Heather says:
I thought I would have my Mike giving them to me, but it’s all about the control. And this is the ONLY thing I can control in this pregnancy!
Amanda says:
I *loathe* those medicines.
That said, they really do help and make it so that many, many of us have successful second/third/fourth pregnancies. I know that sometimes that is of little solace but still, the knowledge that YOU are doing all the YOU can do I hope helps – I know that it did for me.
Heather, I think of you often these days and praying, praying, praying for you, Mike, Maddie, and of course, little Binky.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Why Fernandina Beach Can Suck It =-.
Stefanie says:
I know it has to be difficult to have to measure what is more painful the what-ifs or these shots.
You have my love and support.
.-= Stefanie´s last blog ..Pensive =-.
Margie says:
Big hugs Heather. Maybe Maddie was looking out for her sibling and led you to this diagnosis. She is truly an angel.
I’m a diabetic and one of the medications I take is Byetta which is a medicine pen that I have to shoot into my stomach as well, twice daily before I eat. It does sting a bit and it sucks and I once got blood on my shirt and cried. I’m 32 and here I am a diabetic while my contemporaries are ok. It sucks but there is nothing I can do.
However, I do it to trudge along and be around, with all my limbs, when I’m 40, 50, 60, 70, etc. I don’t want my feet to tingle when I’m 40. So not fair but then again, my youngest brother, my whole world, has chronic leukemia and I too think about the what-ifs if it had stayed as acute.
A person can go crazy thinking about all this. You just hang in there and if there is anything I can do, please don’t hesistate to contact me even if we have never met.
BIG hugs!!!
Mary says:
You can do it! Hell, look what you’ve had to deal with. What’s a little shot? (easy for me to say. I don’t even look when I get blood taken.)
As others have said, Maddie showed that there was an issue so Binky would be well taken care of as he or she heads toward arrival. What an amazing, wonderful, protective big sister. And she will always be Binky’s big sister, just like she will always be your little girl. Her passing doesn’t change that.
I think you have more strength than you realize. Hugs and prayers from Indiana.
Brooke says:
Sending positive thoughts your way! Giving yourself injections is not fun. I used to have to inject myself with medicine for migraines. I don’t know what to say about the what-if’s. They are the worst
.-= Brooke´s last blog ..I am (Mostly) Awesome at Bowling =-.
Shosh says:
You are an amazing Mommy, both to Maddie and Binky. I admire your strength.
.-= Shosh´s last blog ..no pain, no gain =-.
Melanie says:
A friend of mine has a different clotting disorder but had to follow a similar procedure for her little boy. Unfortunately, like you, she had to lose a child before they discovered the problem. Actually she lost two children (one was stillborn and the other just recently passed at 19 months old) and now she has a healthy little boy. It is so unfortunate that these disorders are looked for during a woman’s first pregnancy.
.-= Melanie´s last blog .. =-.
Kate says:
I have to tell you this.
I did IVF to have my child, so yea, I did LOTS of injections. I did all my tummy ones, and my husband did the booty ones. We did those bum shots in all kinds of strange situations, cause they had to be at a certain hour, and I refused to be housebound. I got shot in the keester under the bleachers at a football game, in restaurant bathrooms, in the car on the side of the highway, anywhere!
One time, we were in the parking lot of the Outback Steakhouse, (classy!) and we were in a hurry to meet friends. I assumed the position, and my husband drew up the meds. One..two…three…..WHAMMO – he shot me up ….and I screeched holy hell and nearly went headfirst into the backseat…HE HAD SHOT ME WITH THE MIXING NEEDLE BY MISTAKE! That thing was 4 inches long and as thick as a pencil. And he jammed the sucker ALL the way in – I am surprised I don’t have a big round tattoo. *shudder*.
I did not speak to him for a week.
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Yum =-.
Dawn says:
zomg I was going to comment something supportive for both you and heather but I’m way too busy passing out.
xo
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..seventeen hundred dollar week =-.
Heather says:
OH. MY. GOD.
DIVORCE!!!
Mandy says:
My mom had to give herself injections into her abdomen twice a day when she was having her stem cells harvested as part of her cancer treatment. I can close my eyes and see your poor little bruised belly because I know what hers looked like. She got so tired of injecting herself that she had my brother and I take turns. Maybe the next time Mike stands there and grins you could ask him to give you the injection…then again, he might enjoy that. Probably not a good idea!
Sheila says:
I know that “what if” feeling. I lost a son at 19 weeks due to incompetent cervix, a condition that occurred during my first birth. We never knew anything was wrong until one morning he was born much too soon. After undergoing surgery to have a permanent cerclage placed around my cervix we conceived again. This time my drs watched me like a hawk. I got weekly injections in my butt to ward off pre term labor and biweekly u/s to watch my cervix. Not nearly as bad as daily but a constant reminder nonetheless. Lots of heating pads and ice as the bruise would swell each week. It was worth it, we had a healthy girl 6 mos ago.
The what ifs will be there, but its ok to think of what will be too. Lots of strength to you as each day passes and healthy pregnancy.
Rachel says:
Don’t beat yourself up about not knowing. I have a friend with the same condition. She had 3 healthy pregnancies and no signs and had 3 healthy children. When they tried to add to their family, they discovered the condition.
Jennifer says:
The what ifs are awful. It took the doctors w/ my sister 2 late term miscarriages to figure out what was wrong–and even then they were reluctant to give her that diagnosis. She did her own research and went to a different doctor and finally got the treatment she needed.
I know the injections are a nightmare–but SO worth it!!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..My Day In Haiku =-.
Amanda says:
While I was reading your post, I kept thinking, if only she could have done this the first time and everything would have been okay. Then I got to the the end of your post and realized you were thinking the same thing. It sucks. That’s all there is to say.
Shauna Howell says:
Good job on those shots. I had to do stomach shots for IVF, and no matter how many times I reminded myself it didn’t really hurt too much/the needle was small/etc., it was a battle to talk myself in to plunging that needle. The first time took me about an hour of sitting there shaking and convincing myself.
Ugh…the what-ifs. I guess you’ll always have them. But it must be especially hard with this preganancy to be reminded constantly how it should have been when you were pregnant with Maddie.
.-= Shauna Howell´s last blog ..What we’ve been doing… =-.
Courtney says:
I can’t imagine how bad the what-ifs are, sending prayers and well wishes your way. I hope you heal quickly and it doesn’t hurt too bad! God Bless.
Courtney in New York
.-= Courtney´s last blog ..Twilight? Really! =-.
Lisa Wood says:
Heather those injections sound so painful…not sure how I would go with that. My thoughts are sent out to about your bruise tummy….sounds sore. Fingers crossed that Binky stays put for 40 weeks and you have the most gorgeous baby once again….What ifs – they totally suck.
Stay strong, and Mike be nice!!!
Love you guys, and sweet Maddie
xxx
.-= Lisa Wood´s last blog ..Cute Kids =-.
Jen says:
I am sending all my good thoughts your way.
My sister has a similar clotting disorder that caused her to miscarry her first pregnancy. Her second pregnancy was monitored the same way that yours is now. Daily injections of Heparin and specialists and even a hospital stay when they thought she had a clot in her lungs. But she delivered two days after her due date, and her daughter is happy and healthy 1 year old.
It sucks that your doctors were not so diligent the first time round but it can work out the way it is supposed to.
Vic says:
As someone who nearly faints at an immunisation or blood test, I have to say, you’re much braver than I am. As you say, “Nothing any of us wouldn’t do for the health of our babies…”
.-= Vic´s last blog ..Swine Flu Update #2 =-.
Jenn says:
OOhh Heather….life is so hard sometimes…isn’t it? I became ill 3 1/2 yrs now and go to the hospital every 4 to 6 weeks to get a IV infusions. I have awful veins so every time someone would try to get the IV into me, my viens collaspes or roll and their attempts to get it in would fail and I would be crying due to the extreme pain, swelling and bruising I felt afterwards
. I was finally told about this cream called “Emla” crean. It is a topical analgesia so, it actually freezes my hand so I feel no pain. IT IS WONDERFUL!!! I use it on all 3 of my kids now when they have to get needles. I know you said you weren’t in a lot of pain, I thought I would suggest the cream in case you have a difficult time giving blood, etc and wanted a bit of a break.
I’m sorry Maddie was born too soon but, I am very grateful they are doing everything possible to help your new baby to reach full term. I will continue to pray for you, Mike and both of your babies.
My Best,
Your Stranger Friend,
Jenn
heather says:
I used lovenox (and heparin in the end), but I haven’t heard of Arixtra – but it’s been a while. I also did the belly-only shots. I’m praying for a healthy pregnancy for you and Mike – just know I’m only one of MANY. (((hugs)))
April says:
I can so relate to you with the injections. I had my first miscarriage at 18 weeks then a successful uneventful pregnancy. After numerous miscarriages after that we found out I have Factor V Prothombin Mutation. With my middle daughter then son I did daily injections of Lovenox subcutaneously. 9 months after my youngest was born I still have lumps on my stomach from the injections.
So well worth it in the end.
Sara Joy says:
Ouch. But thank goodness the medicine is working. And I echo the sentiment of an earlier commenter – what an amazing gift Maddie gave Binky, her life and struggles are helping Binky even now.
The what-ifs are brutal. I battle them every. single. day. It sucks, and I KNOW I shouldn’t, that it doesn’t change anything, but still…what if I had just insisted…what if…Ugg.
I am just really glad you are doing well, even if you are a human polka-dotted pincushion.
.-= Sara Joy´s last blog ..One Awful Day =-.
Molly says:
I like how you find the good in everything:
“I am lucky that it comes in boxes of pre-mixed syringes.”
Most people having to give themselves daily injections in the belly probably wouldn’t consider themselves lucky, ha ha. Maybe you were being ironic but you seem to constantly find the silver lining in these situations.
Trisha says:
Heather,
I have to give my Mom injections for her RA medicine twice a week. I don’t know the directions for your medicine and if you have to keep the meds refrigerated or not, but I find that if I let Mom’s meds rest at room temp for a little bit to take the chill off, the burn isn’t as bad for her.
As always I am praying for you every day that Binky arrives healthy and that you have a wonderful pregnancy. Please try not to think about the what if’s. They will eat you alive.
(((HUGS))) from Florida
Evil Twin's Wife says:
This is my first time commenting – I also have a blood clotting disorder (Lupus Anticoagulant). Our son was born at 28 weeks – before I had been diagnosed, but he was also my 5th pregnancy – he is 11 now. For our daughter (my 9th pregnancy, after I had been diagnosed), I did Lovenox twice a day and made it to 39 weeks for a scheduled c-section. Since I also have MS, I had been injecting myself since 2000, so a few more needles never bothered me. I was a mess of bruises and such, but it’s SO worth it. Best of luck to you and if you need to talk, feel free to email me anytime.
.-= Evil Twin’s Wife´s last blog ..Look! =-.
Amy says:
Oh Heather…I know your pain too well. FRom the injections anyway. I have a clotting disorder as well that wasn’t found until after I miscarried at 17 weeks. This time around I have to inject heparin twice a day. And while it’s all worth it… I sure will be glad when it’s done.
Hang in there and I’m praying for you daily!
Alexandra says:
Heather, what we don’t do for our children…
PLEASE don’t go there with the “what-if’s”. I lost 3 children to miscarriages before I switched Dr.’s and realized I had an “incompetent cervix.” My next 3 pregnancies were solid bedrest from 12 wks, on, and I now have 3 big boys ages 7, 12 and 14.
My first 3 babies are in heaven, waiting for me…
It is what it is…you have to leave it there….
Love you, honey.
Jennifer says:
I had diabetes with each of my pregnancies and with this last one (6 months old now) it was much worse than the first. By the end of the 9th month, I had taken in excess of 500 insulin shots. And as horrible as I thought it was going to be when I started, it was all worth it in the end. Looking back it just seems like a blink of an eye. Of course the during part it seems like it would never end. But when that sweet bundle of love is handed to you, all the pain and bruises of the shots seem to just disappear. I took lovenox in the hospital too, but with each one of those, I knew it was best to ensure I was around to raise my newest addition to our family. Best of luck to you and kuddos to the dr’s that are watching you so closely. Madeline is too. Jenn
Kendra says:
I also had to be on blood thinners (Lovenox) for a clotting disorder during pregnancy and I feel for you. I found that the slower I pushed the medication the less burning sensation there was. Maybe that will help? Sending good thoughts for all you’re going through.
Jennifer says:
Heather,
I am not one to comment, but I have been reading your blog since the day Maddie got sick… I’ve followed you through your heartache and pain and definitely cried more times than I can count.
I was born 6 and a half weeks early and my mom had at least three miscarriages and a stillborn before my brother was born 10 years later, 9 weeks early. My brother caught RSV and pneumonia in the NICU and then had to have double hernia surgery, all in the 7 weeks before he came home. He spent forever with a beeping machine attached to him so we would know if he was breathing. I shared my bedroom with him until I was finished with college and I always worried about something happening to him.
You might have the “what-ifs” for Maddie, but you did everything you could do for her and you did it right. And from what I have seen in pictures and videos, Maddie was such a happy baby, you couldn’t have done anything better for her. She is giving you the chance to do everything you can this time for Binky, as well.
Connie says:
I used a product similiar to this when I had to give my son lovenox injections for three monts. http://www.i-port.com/ A total lifesaver. Wishing you the very best!
Connie
Marin D. says:
When I was pregnant with each of my two girls, I ended up on a medication pump for several months. I had to change my site kit every other day on my own. Sometimes it would take me an hour to stick the needle/catheter end in my legs. My husband would tell me to “just do it” but I’d like to see him stick himself. My perinatologist made me feel better when she told me she had to have her mom (a nurse) give her fertility injections because she just can’t poke herself. Thankfully at least once a week I was able to get my younger sister (a nurse) to change things out. :o) I wish you the best. I will be thinking of you!
Julia says:
As the saying goes….You don’t know what you don’t know.
And now you and your team of doctors know.
While Maddie may not have had enough time in the womb, that certainly wasn’t your fault. She lived, she breathed, she laughed. Maddie packed alot of life into her time here.
Take care….happy shooting.
.-= Julia´s last blog ..I’m smart =-.
Lindsay from Florida says:
I HATE the what-if’s in life. They’re haunting. And I think they’re part of the grieving process in a way. But you did everything in your knowledge and power for Maddie … and now, as others have said, Maddie is doing all in her power for her baby sibling. What a super-protective and awesome big sis already.
Angie says:
My cousin has this disorder, and they didn’t realize it until after she had seven miscarriages and one still birth. After she was diagnosed, she went on to have a healthy baby girl, who is now two, so while it does suck to have to do this now, odds are (that sucks to have to even say that huh? sorry.), it will pay off in the end.
By the way, you’re a better woman than I am…my husband does the same thing to me – one, two, three, go! The only thing is, it’s when trying to get me to drink any kind of medicine! haha I’d have to pass out and land on the needle to inject myself everyday! j/k
Thinking of you and praying for you as always. Where there is faith, you find hope, and where there is hope, you find joy.
Angie says:
Her disorder is the Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome disorder that is more on the side of lupus, which affects the autoimmune system more; however, it still affects the clotting factors. She just deals with a lot of sicknesses as well on top of the pregnancy issues and bleeding dangers. Her “Dr. Blood” and Dr. Risky” are in Chicago. which is also where she delivered, though we live in northwest Indiana.
And I believe I messed up on the saying I quoted above. My mom used to always say it to me when I was younger and still whenever I’m going through hard times, and I believe it should be, “where there is faith, you find hope, and where there is hope, you find strength.”
I pray everyday that you find the stength to make it through each day. Strength to get out of bed and “live” as cliche as that may be for you. It probably seems odd to you that so many people that have never met you and do not “know” you, besides what you write on your blog, think of you so much and cry with you, but we do. We genuinely care for you and your family like we have known you for years (years outside of the computer screen and typed words).
I will not say “best of luck” to you as luck comes and goes. I have learned that lesson in my own life. I will, however, tell you that every morning and every night I will say a prayer for you, and for all the moments inbetween you will be in my thoughts. One prayer lasts longer than a lifetime of luck.
Alli says:
Bless your heart! The first thing I thought of when I read your last paragraph is that this blog reaches so many people…maybe your situation you had with Maddie’s pregnancy will help educate someone else in the same sitation and they can start now on protecting their unborn baby.
~Hugs from TX
.-= Alli´s last blog ..A Sort Of Camping Trip =-.
Tami says:
I dont like needles and I had to give myself my own allergy shots and I hated it. I would sit and dread pushing that needle in to my leg. Now to have to push one in to my stomach, man that sounds painful. You are doing everything you can for this baby like to did for Maddie.. It breaks my heart that she didnt have a chance at life.. My thoughts and prayers are with you every day!
Hugs,
Kristie says:
Heather-
I’m so sorry. I had similar feelings when I discovered that I should have been considered a good candidate for 17-P in my second pregnancy, but no one even mentioned it, brushing off my 1st child’s early arrival as a fluke. Thankfully, a very good group of perinatologists were all over me in my third pregnancy, and brought us to term. It was a horribly nerve wracking pregnancy though.
Congrats, and wishes for a healthy 9 months for you and Binky
-Kristie
.-= Kristie´s last blog ..Unique Book Helps Parents Talk to Young Kids About Cancer =-.
Candice says:
It’s not fair, not fair at all.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..Not My Child Monday =-.
Kelly says:
Just wanted to say, as so many have before, that you are such a good mommy. Wishing you all the best.
mythoughtsonthat says:
Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..It’s REALLY HOT Here…. =-.
Ninabi says:
Heather,
You have been the best of parents. I too would be thinking thoughts of “if only we knew back then” but you did the very best you could with the knowledge you had at the time.
I can’t help but think that among the many people reading your blog that one of your readers will hear of a friend, a daughter, a sister who is struggling with clots in pregnancy and they will speak up and say, “You know, I was reading about someone…..” and perhaps save a life.
I think about you and Maddie and “Binky” every day. Brave you for having to stick yourself each day!
Jamie says:
It’s just absolutely unfair that they didn’t catch this with Maddie. Beyond unfair. Is there a word for that? For something WORSE than unfair. Because that’s what it is.
.-= Jamie´s last blog ..Fly =-.
Tricia says:
Heather you are so brave! I’ll be here cheering you guys all the way. Love you!
Lindsay says:
I haven’t been online for quite sometime, and just today saw your exciting news (Binky & Friends of Maddie)!!
I know how hard it can be being pregnant after a preemie. After having a 27 weeker I was terrified to get pregnant again, but was excited to give my little girl a sibling. Unfortunately, when I got pregnant in May I ended up miscarrying. So now I am that much more worried about my next pregnancy.
I wish you so much love and happiness and most of all an uneventful pregnancy!! Even though I am one of those unknown faces, I still think of you, Mike & Maddie almost everyday! Now Binky too!
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..Friends of Maddie =-.
Lady Lemon says:
Oh good god! You are so brave! I am not particularily afraid of needles, but I don’t know if I could handle injecting myself in the stomach! EVERYDAY!
I’m so glad you have good doctors looking after you and Binky.
.-= Lady Lemon´s last blog ..The Excitment Never Ends =-.
simplelifemommy says:
You are such an amazing mother. So giving, so selfless and I love you so much! xoxo
Ari says:
oh my word, I’m cringing, thinking of what you’re going through. you such a great mom… and you’re right, very unfair
.-= Ari´s last blog ..Nutrition and the art of eating healthy =-.
Chrissy says:
I have to agree with everyone here. You are such an amazing mother It’s amazing what we moms will do for our little ones, isn’t it?
My pregnancy was also a “high risk” pregnancy. I thought it was neat that I got to see my baby in ultrasounds on a regular basis when my friends only got one or two ultrasounds.
I had to give myself a needle every day too (for different reasons). Prior to that, I was deathly afraid of needles (still am!). But, we do these things for our babies and all of a sudden we realize we can do anything and will do anything to make sure they are healthy and happy.
I love your blog!!!
.-= Chrissy´s last blog ..Before I Had You =-.
gorillabuns says:
man, i thought i had it bad with hypertension and wearing monitors. you are one bad-ass!
.-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..filth =-.
Shana in Texas says:
I second that bad-ass! Will no longer complain about six months of nausea and zofran.
Jennifer says:
I have been reading your blog for a while, but never commented…I am amazed at your ability to write your feelings so clearly…without even knowing you, I feel like I do and I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. I am also so happy for your new adventure and hope that all goes well. I, too, have to give myself injections and could totally relate to this post (I have a skin condition called psoriasis that can cover up to 80% of my body at times)…the first time I had to do my injection, I just kept trying to put it in, but couldn’t do it…I finally got used to it, but the burning that comes with the liquid going in is the worst! So…although we have different circumstances, I am right there with you on the injections…I wish you nothing but the best throughout this pregnancy…
jeffra says:
I remember those shots and the EXTREME bruising Mark got on his belly when he had the pulmonary embolism (they forgot to tell him he would bruise and he about keeled over when he saw the bruises thinking he was dying..not not nice Dr’s). I can only imagine having to take the shots for 9 mths. You will do great! xoxo
Sarah H says:
I’ve been a lurker for a while, but I just wanted to let you know that your (and Mike’s) bravery, courage, determination and spirit inspires me every day.
I am sending you postive vibes across the interwebs, and a little extra love from Texas.
TUWABVB says:
I’m so sorry that you have to go through all of this, even though I know you are doing it willingly and lovingly. Just remember how lucky Binky is and will be – surrounded by wonderful parents and protected by a very special guardian angel. I’m praying for you and your injection sites!
.-= TUWABVB´s last blog ..I Promise Not to Write About Dead Pets Anymore =-.
Heather says:
I had three miscarriage before discovering that I too have a blood clotting disorder. Once we found that out, I started Lovenox the minute I found out I was pregnant. Thanks to that discovery and the blood thinners I’m blessed with two full term healthy kids.
My losses seems so small compared to yours- but I played the what-if game too. It’s agonizing, isn’t it? I hope you take comfort in knowing that during your pregnancy with Maddie you did all you could. You followed your dr’s advice- which is what any one of us would do. Be kind to yourself, please.
Praying that your pregnancy continues to be completely uneventful from a medical standpoint.
tara says:
heather, you are so so so very brave. you inspire me with every post. i’m so sorry you have to go through this. sending all my positive thoughts to you and mike (and maddie!) every day. xo
Katherine says:
How far along are you now? I know you said you’re due late January early February, but as far as weeks now?
Kathy
.-= Katherine´s last blog ..Pet Peeves: Blog Edition =-.
Debby says:
I know that I would give myself those shots if I had to but OMG it makes me sick to think about it. You poor thing. ((HUGS)) I pray for nothing but a perfect prenancy for you.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..SKYE, SKY, TROUBLE IN TOYLAND AND A CONTEST TO ENTER =-.
always home and uncool says:
Being a vet of injecting my own daughter weekly with chemo meds, I gotta say that that is a scary needle and syringe. But, honestly, would you want Mike to shoot you up instead?
.-= always home and uncool´s last blog ..Libraries Plot Against Our Economy =-.
Erin says:
Oh Heather, you are so strong! I remember being preggo with my twins, and having to see a doc ALL the time. It was NOT fun, but i was happy at the end that they monitered me that close. I am so happy for you, and i hope for a safe and healthy pregnancy. I know Maddie is smiling that big smile, and that sparkle in her eyes is bigger then ever! She is going to be a BIG SISTER! CONGRATS! Thank you so much for sharing!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Sleep Tight =-.
Denise says:
I know what you mean by the could of, would of, should of, as the mother of a 25 week preemie. However those should have come on behalf of your doctors and not you.
A friend of Maddies,
Denise
Jenn says:
You are teaching people by what you are going through. I am a huge supporter of testing for clotting disorders including the very common factor V leiden (more than 20% of the nation has this) so a pregnancy can be watched. Factor V is a cause of in utero strokes. Anyway, I had an underlying bleeding disorder but I have no idea what it is yet. Hang in there and many prayers for a happy healthy pregnancy.
.-= Jenn´s last blog .. =-.
Melissa says:
I have been so touched by your story. You and your husband are so amazingly brave and strong. I read your March of Dimes speech and was impressed by it and your attitude towards losing Maddie. I am not sure I would be the same. I pray for you and your new baby and honestly wish the your heart peace and a healthy full term baby. I also do the “what ifs” often and wonder what could have been done to prevent my preterm labor at 25 weeks. Many hugs going your way!
Jaclyn says:
Heather,
Hugs to you for all this! You are so great to write about the good, the bad and the ugly. I am also recently pregnant and will more than likely have to be on injectible blood thinners too…we will see in about 3 weeks. Maybe we can commiserate about our daily injections! Hang in there! You are right, we will do anything for our growing babies.
april in NJ says:
Easier said then done but don’t beat yourselfs up over the woulda, coulda, shouldas. Maybe this is Maddie’s higher purpose… to have alerted you to this condition so that you know what to do to combat it. The shots sound horrible! You’ve been through sooo much Heather… I always ask how much more can this poor woman take? But you’re strong… and when Binky is here… it will all be worth it! love and hugs from NJ!
houpley says:
you are one of the strongest women i have ever met (without ever having really met!). i just wanted to let you know you are incredible and an inspiration.
.-= houpley´s last blog ..Sticky =-.
Cydney says:
Heartbreaking.
Yet, so wonderful that Binky gets to be watched over so closely. It is beyond sad what a medical oversight can do to the families, the PEOPLE doctors overlook because of imperfection.
You are such a good Momma, and you did everything in your power to give Maddie a healthy start. And a beautiful life. Binky is one lucky fetus.
Chris K says:
Hi Heather,
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and never posted – but this morning something happened and I just had to share. I saw a group of people supporting March of Dimes on the Today Show and they were all wearing purple. Maddie Purple! She was all I could think of when I saw those shirts. Then I thought what an amazing tribute to your beautiful girl that you’ve transformed an entire color in her honor. You are a beautiful mommy!
Jenn says:
I am so sorry this happened. Sometimes Doctor’s in western medicine just don’t go that extra mile.
I would like to share something and I hope you don’t mind. I’m really not trying to take over your blog but thought this info might be helpful to someone else.
After many unsuccessful attempts at getting pregnant, I went to a ‘specialist’ that my insurance would cover. they told me they could not determine why I was not getting pregnant and that I should just take some Clomid. I questioned them in why they were giving me Clomid if they didn’t know why I wasn’t getting pregnant?? Also, I was ovulating, so giving me a drug to make me ovulate would not have worked. So, I went to an Infertility Specialist on my own dime and they did lots of blood work and testing and found that I have Natural Killer Cells (aka NK Cells). This is where my body’s immune system attackes anything that it thinks is foreign in my body. Western medicine would not test for something like this and had I not gone to a REAL specialist on my own dime, I would not have my babies today. The treatment for this is IVG transfusions before implantation and 3mos after.
Thanks for letting me share this.
Again, I am so sorry that you your Dr’s did not test you for ASP. So, so terribly sorry. I wish more than anything that the outcome would have been different.
Much love, Jenn in CA
Chris M says:
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and have never posted before, but wanted to wish you a very healthy pregnancy. And of course it won’t diminish your pain over losing Maddie, but this new baby will give you reason to smile and laugh every day and that can only be a good thing.
Natalie says:
Hey Heather,
I am a friend of Anissa’s and have followed your journey and along with so many others, my heart broke for you at the loss of your beautiful girl. My heart rejoices with you now as Binky grows and thrives!
I wanted to tell you I have Antiphospholipid Syndrome as well(it was finally diagnosed after several miscarriages). I did heparin injections 2x daily through my last two pregnancies. Those babies are now 10 and 8!
I remember those injections well! My one suggestion, make sure you alternate sides of your stomach or legs (when you get that go ahead) and give new injections as far from an existing bruises as possible.
The shots get easier, I promise! I once lifted my skirt and did a shot in an elevator because I was running short on time! Which, now that I think about it, “I once lifted my skirt and did a shot in an elevator….” should have a much juicier ending that involves a hot guy and an afterglow!
Hang in there!!
Love,
Natalie
http://www.believeinmandy.blogspot.com
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..Where’s Waldo? =-.
ginabad says:
I had a blood clotting disorder too, a different one. For both my pregnancies I took injections 2-3 times a day of Lovenex and then Heparin at the end. It completely sucks, but it’s doable (I hate needles but I’ve gotten used to them). Ugh, I can totally relate to when they won’t go in and then it hurts and you’re like, Why?? It was fine this morning!!
I had no idea about the placental abruptions, but I was monitored very closely since I’d had a stroke before my pregnancies.
I’ll continue to keep your family in my prayers. Good luck! Wishing you a smooth ride to February.
.-= ginabad´s last blog ..Stumper: How to speak to other kids about your special needs kid =-.
Holli says:
My prayers are with you, Heather. xoxo
Amy says:
The what-if game is always so terrible to imagine. I am so happy for you that there are no clots with Binky. Have you thought of baby names yet?
Amanda says:
I wasn’t able to read all the comments (you are so loved!) but I know when I was shooting myself up for fertility treatments, it helped a lot to put a cold coke can on the site while I got it ready-numbed it just enough.
Sending lots of prayers to you, Mike, and Binky.
Meg says:
Been there with the heparin shots. When the nurse showed me how to inject, my husband was there… she said I could inject myself in the belly, OR my husband could inject for me if he SQUEEZES MY FAT ABOVE MY BUTT. I was all, um, NOPE my husband is not squeezing my fat daily!!
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Chesapeake Bay Chopsticks =-.
Emese says:
ouch…sorry you have to do that. I am glad the meds are working for you though.
When I went into pre-term labor with Jake, I was 5 1/2 cm dilated by the time I got to the hospital. I told the nurses/doctors to forget me and do anything and everything for my baby…and they did for the next two days i was none existent, I was this rag doll that just lied there being poked. They stuck me in a bed & I wasn’t allowed to get up (not even to go potty..bed pan became my friend)… and they had my bed at an angle where my feet where higher then my head (to let gravity do it’s work and keep him in). After two days of those steroid & magnesium sulfate shot things, (technical terms???) that made me extremely nauseous, two days of all the blood rushing to my head, 48 hours of them taking my blood every hour (literally), I started developing an infection. They flipped me right side up and immediately started the pitocin I didn’t even have time to regain focus.
My point is I would go through that everyday for the rest of my life if it meant my kids would be healthy. I know you have a lot of “what if’s” but you also have to know that you did (and again are doing) everything possibly for the health of your kids. I know you have been told a thousand times but I hope you never get tired of hearing that you are a GREAT MOM!
.-= Emese´s last blog ..Missing Maddie =-.
Jessica says:
Ouch! Shots in the stomach are the worst! I have had to take Lovenox before– only for 1 week– and each day I dreaded the nurse coming into my hospital room w/ the needle in her hand.
I found that putting ice on my stomach right after the injection was very helpful– also putting Lidocaine cream on before the injection was literally a lifesaver… you hardly feel a thing!
I’m praying for you and baby Binky!
God bless.
Miriam says:
This is my first time commenting on your blog, I have recently discovered it and like everyone else I send my heart out to you!
I just had to comment because I’m studying to become a doctor–but I hate needles!! I know eventually I will get over it once I learn more about them in med school but I just wanted to comment on how brave you are for having to inject yourself!!! That just brings me to awe when I hear about people having to inject themselves for their health or in your case for the baby’s health as well. Then I remember you are a mother, and mothers are just instinctively brave when it comes to their children! :o)
Maddie is an angel watching over her growing sibling!! :o) What a lucky baby!!
paris says:
Is your baby going to be called “Binky” or is that just a nickname?
Can the baby still be born prematurely/health issues with these shots?
Prayers for you and your baby always.
Is it not a good idea to allow your husband to give you shots sometimes in case you are unable to do them yourself?
Andrea says:
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
My own hubby and his sister both have a clotting disorder, and I had to give him his heparin shots for a month after it was first discovered, his stomach was the least painful place (he’s now on Coumidan for life). Can your hubby administer the shots for you? At least you don’t have to look!
You are a strong woman, and you have someone praying for you in Oklahoma.
badassdadblog says:
The what-ifs are a killer. You can’t stop them, best you can do is try not to dwell there too long. As if you need my advice on this.
But on to more pressing, or rather, poking matters. Daily injections?! Ow! Also, that diagram is a little creepy. It’s like a Ken doll, possessing neither nipples nor genitals. Are you sure your doctor is used to treating humans? You’d think he would have noticed the missing parts.
.-= badassdadblog´s last blog ..curling =-.
Brandi Rollins says:
Just wanted to you know you are not alone with this disorder. I have written to you before that we lost our son after having an emergency c-section at just 26 weeks. He survived one day is all, just too small and internal bleeding they could not stop. I had eclampsia and began to have seizures so they had to take him to save me. It took us three years to get pregnant again but after 9 months of heparin belly shots we have the most amazing baby girl. She is now 15 months old and my stomach is still recovering but I look at her and know it’s so worth it. I am so excited for you guys that you are giving Maddie a beautiful baby brother or sister. You deserve all the happiness in the world!
Jane says:
Whoa, Heather, this looks a little intimidating. But I know that your reward for doing this will be so fantastic. I am sorry for what you are going through — and I don’t even know how to offer my support to you, as we are strangers that live across the country. I just want you to know that you and Mike are in my prayers every night, and that I do hug my 3 little people a little more often, for a little longer, when I think of you guys and your beautiful Maddie. I got a kick out of Unlce Kyle’s shirt — too funny! May you be blessed with as few “pregnancy brain” moments as possible as you take more steps on this journey. *hug*
Jamie says:
WOW, you really are a very strong person!! We continue to pray for you and “Binky!”
melissa/bostonmama79 says:
You are brave, very very brave. I get sweat palms and teary when I have blood taken.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd last year I had to start weekly exams, stress-tests & ultrasounds at 20 weeks for placental choriangioma. It was so tiring, but like you said it’s what we do. I would actually print blog posts and read them in while I waited. Yours was one of them. Thanks for continuing to write.
The what if’s suck. I don’t know what to say. I can only wish you a healthy well-informed pregnancy.
.-= melissa/bostonmama79´s last blog ..bostonmama79: @DuchessMama Those are hard. hope you get the response you want. =-.
Heather says:
Hi Heather
My husband gets an injection every night – Copzone for his MS… it’s tough, but an autoinjector helps a lot
his needles are premix, arriving the same way yours so… maybe an auto would help?
Heather (from Canada)
beerab says:
Sorry about the pain- my husband has MS and has to inject himself everyday- it’s very painful for him, and he describes it like you. Sometimes the actual shot hurts in addition to the terrible stinging from the Copaxone. They also gave him a chart- funny thing is he also doesn’t need it because the sites take almost a week to heal as it is
Aurelia says:
We should talk at BlogHer. If you like, I can help show you how to do the needles so that you will never bruise and never hurt. The method that nurse showed you?
*Shudder*
I swear, all my high risk, RE, and hospital nurses wanted me to do it that way, and that’s the exact method that was painful and bruised the most.
If they are telling you to inject that way, no wonder you have to rotate. That much internal and external bruising will inhibit absorption! If you ice before and after and don’t pinch but stretch the skin instead, no bruising, no issues.
Anyway, I had linked on a previous comment to a site that has videos on how to do injections, check it out if you like. I swear by it.
P.S. Finding it interesting about the placental abruption mention. I had one at delivery, almost died delivering my son, but funnily enough, I wasn’t on the heparin then. I had begged to stay on it because I felt healthy and energetic and my scans were perfect, but the docs ordered me off it. I immediately felt sicker, exhausted, my BP rose and my uterine arterial PI jumped. To be honest, I think that heparin is only bad for normal placenta makers. Women like you and me?–I dunno, I think we may be the ones who do better on blood thinners.
.-= Aurelia´s last blog ..Canadians at BlogHer09 – cellphone issues =-.
punkinmama says:
Oh my goodness, as I was reading I realized I was crouching furhter and further in the fetal position, with my hands covering most of my face.
It’s all worth it, but geez, I can’t imagine having to inject myself every day. Also, I would have totally made my husband do it at the nurse’s office… especially if he was saying, “Do it! Do it!”.
(((hugs)))
.-= punkinmama´s last blog ..wordless wednesday: camera play =-.
SJL22783 says:
Heather-
I stumbled upon your blog a while back and I have been reading and not commenting. First, I am so sorry for your loss and I wish that I had something wonderful to say to help take away any pain, but I don’t.
BUT…. your blog has made me think of several coincidences and I’m not sure, but something keeps on making me believe I am suppossed to be reading the things that you are publishing….
FIRST…I started reading and although I am not entirely sure, I think that I stumbled upon you and your beautiful family when I was on bedrest searching youtube for babies that were born too early. This videos gave me so much hope that my baby if born on this day would make it too….
SECOND…today, I read your post and occassionally my computer takes a course of it’s own, and it clicked on something, I don’t know what, but it brought me to a past post that you have made, about PPD, well, I have been in complete denial, until I read your post and I feel like it is time for me to get some help. ALSO, I feel that as I read what you are writing, it is actually my thoughts.
I guess in summary, I have to just tell you thank you for helping me in so many ways. You are such a strong and wonderful woman.
Jemma says:
You are so brave!!!!
Wagon says:
Because of…
Because of pregnancies like yours, and babies like Madeline, because of Maddie, Binky has gotten this attention and care. Because of…
I’ve added Binky in my prayers!
Kekibird says:
Wow…big props to you. Just reading about these shots made me light headed and I had to stop. Big hugs!
.-= Kekibird´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday #9 =-.
McKenna says:
I stumbled upon your blog awhile ago and i read often, but have never posted.
i think you and your family are incredibly strong. you have a beautiful family and i’m sure that maddie had a hand in this new baby and she is watching over baby all the time.
i think the what-ifs are something that can haunt everyone from time to time. and maybe this little baby is a way for you to have hope and feel joy in the midst of the pain and struggles i can only begin to imagine. you’re crazy strong! and after seeing those needles, you’re much braver than i could ever be! Praying for a healthy pregnancy and for you, mike, maddie, and binky!
Bec says:
Is it bad that my first thought was “wow that needle’s pretty!”?
I’ve got all my non typing fingers crossed for you.
.-= Bec´s last blog ..Mummy brain =-.
Kristi says:
IVF grad here echoing Kate’s earlier empathy and sentiments about all the fun places you can & will do injections. Glad your meds are premixed for you as playing chemist while contemplating the injections can be distracting, LOL. So glad you are being looked after so well by your doctors. As someone else said given all the people who read your blog, by sharing all this info you are likely a source of hope and information for many women… some who may not even know it yet!
The what ifs are just plain sucky. No way to sugar coat that one, and I am so very sorry that they are so painful. Know that while so many of us don’t know/can’t comprehend your pain, we still cry with you… and will be here to celebrate this pregnancy with you, too. We are an army of positive thoughts and prayers for you and Binky.
By the way, after reading through so many posts here where women share of multiple losses/preterm birth before finding out about various clotting and immune disorders why the heck aren’t women routinely checked for such things?? Perhaps one of your amazing doctors has an answer or some information on how people could lobby for such protocol??
Can’t hit submit without saying again how very amazing you are!
Rachel says:
Kristi– You are SO SO right. Like Heather, I have an autoimmune disease. I find out AFTER MY BOYS WERE BORN NINE WEEKS EARLY that should I have any further pregnancies I would be considered high risk. Turns out I test positive for an antibody that requires closer monitoring than what I received with my twin boys. Scary, scary, scary. Turns out this antibody can cause congenital heart block (very bad) in the baby. Prior to having my boys I had a miscarriage/blighted ovum at twelve weeks. Makes you wonder if that could have been due to my autoimmune issues???
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Most Days….. =-.
Sally says:
I’m having a much more closely monitored pregnancy now, after losing my daughter at nearly 41 weeks last time. There was nothing medically wrong, her death was just an incredibly bad accident. It is sad because I think all the extra precautions they are taking this time, more for my mental well-being could quite possibly have saved my daughter’s life in those final days of the pregnancy last time. I wish everyone got close, attentive prenatal care.
And I get what you mean about pain, needles, etc. I don’t think anything hurts quite the same way after you have lost a child. I’m sure we’d both inject ourselves in the eyeballs every day from here on in if that’s what we had to do.
Much love to you Heather.
.-= Sally´s last blog ..Harder than you think =-.
Candi says:
Heather,
I can completely understand the injection thing. I ended up with gestational diabetes with my first son. I managed to control my sugars with diet during the pregnancy, but when my son turned 1, I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. I took oral meds. Like with you, I had to take injections (insulin) with my second pregnancy because the oral meds I was on are not safe during pregnancy (or nursing for that matter). I had to inject myself every day, 4 times a day. I did that from the time I found out I was pregnant until I delivered at 39 weeks. Then, in order to nurse my son, I kept up that routine. I really wanted him to nurse as long as he wanted, so I kept it up for another 19 months.
I learned something in that time and I thought I would pass it on. I know exactly what you mean about the resistance and the bruises. Sometimes I would hit a spot that just really hurt.
I decided to test something. I would pinch up my skin and press the needle against my skin. If it hurt, I would move the needle slightly until it didn’t hurt. When I found a spot that didn’t hurt, I would push it in and inject the insulin. It didn’t work every single time, but the times that I hit a spot that really hurt went way down after that. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure that out.
As a side note: When I did find out I was pregnant and called an OB office to be seen, they didn’t want to see me. They told me they don’t see women until they are further along. It took many times of explaining that am diabetic and the medication I was on is not safe to take during pregnancy (along with the oral meds for diabetes, I was on high cholesterol meds) and I needed to be put on new meds. They finally got it.
.-= Candi´s last blog ..Menu Plan Monday… =-.
Rachel says:
Heather– Don’t feel bad about chickening out about those injections the first few times. I have to give myself shots of Enbrel (though it’s just once/week) for my Rheumatoid Arthritis…for the longest time I made my husband do it. Did I mention I’m an RN?! Haha! I used to have the nice syringe where I had to reconsititue the powder and the saline myself. No prob..now I have this sureclick injector. I swear it hurts WAY more than that other syringe did.
On an unrelated note…once a nurse always a nurse I guess- even though I’m at home full tiime with the boys right now. I saw that picture of the needle next to the (dirty!) dime on your countertop uncapped (!!)- and the first thing I thought was ‘EEHHH! I hope that needle’s already been used.’ Haha!!
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Most Days….. =-.
Jessica says:
I give myself allergy shots, 3 a week. I understand the hesistance to stab yourself!
Also I have heard of Arixtra (mom is an RN) and I think you’ll do well with it. And at least it’s pre-mixed!
Al_Pal says:
Oh my goodness! I’ve been offline for a bit and hadn’t seen this news yet.
SO many good wishes for you, Mike, and Binky, and thinking of Madeline always!
Alison says:
You probably don’t feel brave and strong all the time, but you so are. And you are an amazing mom, to Maddie and to Binky.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..Are You? =-.
Christine says:
I hardly know what to say, but just had to let you know how often you are in my thoughts. The what-ifs can really tie us up in knots and although we know that they’re not productive, it’s impossible to make them go away. I guess the best advice is to just put one foot in front of the other and keep showing up. In the end, that’s really all we can do. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Can You Be In Love With A Tree? =-.
Becca says:
Wow you are a good mom!
.-= Becca´s last blog ..Shrimp & Greenbean Tacos =-.
Noelle says:
The “what ifs” will drive you crazy…but at the same time it’s so hard not to go there. You’re so incredibly brave, but I’ll keep sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.
Hugs!
.-= Noelle´s last blog ..Did you mean kama sutra? =-.
Tara in The Fort says:
Man. Already been through so much and now you have to jab yourself in the stomach with needles? You’re right! Not awesome! I know you’re doing it for your sweet baby growing in your belly, so it makes it worthwhile.
I’m sorry that what should have been isn’t. I’m happy to read that you’re embracing this new chapter head on and that you’ve already given the baby a nickname. I love it.
.-= Tara in The Fort´s last blog ..Food. Friends. Fun. Faith. Snakes. =-.
Dee Dee says:
I am sooooo proud for you! I am a couple of days behind on my blog reading and got to reading about the injections and was completely confused and then I read the next blog and kicked myself for getting behind. Sending vibes for a healthy and HAPPY 9 months for you and Mike! Take care!
Suzie says:
You are a trooper!! My baby is a Lovenox baby, so I hear ya on the little roadmap on your tummy. Hang in there. You said it so well….you would do anything for the health of your baby!! Maddie brought Binky to you and she is watching over…you are a great Mama!! Big hugs from Iowa.
Jeannine says:
I have never posted but after reading your post it brought back so many memories and the same fears I had during my pregnancies. I had a blood clot at age 27 randomly in my leg. Half way through my first pregnancy I was told I had to give myself shots twice a day. Me the girl who when she was 10 had three nurses hold me down to give blood had to give herself shots. No way! But it is amazing what you will do for the baby growing inside you. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers each night. It is all worth it.
damaris says:
I’m 7 months pregnant and haven’t had any problems but I do feel really big and uncomfortable. However, after reading this post and all the comments I feel SO blessed that all is going well.
.-= damaris´s last blog ..Chocolate Chip Orange Scones WITH Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread =-.
MommyNamedApril says:
I’m so sorry. I know *sort of, but not really* how you feel. Mine wasn’t diagnosed until after two pregnancy losses, even though there’s a known (and disclosed) history of antiphospholipid antibody syndrome in my family. I just can’t imagine what you’ve gone through with Maddie. My heart goes out to you.
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..He’s Just Not That Into You. =-.
Amy says:
Try not to think what could have been with Maddie. I know without a doubt you would have injected yourself daily had you known it could help with her pregnancy. But you didn’t. Not your fault and nothing to do with anything..
Focus on this pregnancy and keep on doing all you can to grow a healthy happy baby. Know you are doing your damndest and am so proud of you!
Kelly says:
I am so happy when I checked your blog and saw your wonderful news. I too got pregnant soon after my first son passed away. They were born just 13 months apart. My second on, bradyn was born 11 months after my son cooper passed away after a surgery. I started a blog to journal my feelings of going through another pregnancy and hoping for a just a healthy happy baby and also the emotions of grieving for my baby. Such mixed emotions. Today, I still grieve for my baby while loving his brother. No one will ever understand the happiness and saddness that goes on in our hearts. I will always be thinking of you and will always think of maddie when I see purple and abbie cadabie. I know you have tons of support, but if you want just one more I am happy to share my story which continues on even after 8 months after the birth of my second baby.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Date Night =-.
Cara says:
Just wanted to second what Aurelia said above about icing. I had great luck icing before and after injecting lovenox. I had nodules in my abdomen, even with rotating injection sites (I had a pulmonary embolism). Also, many times when after being taught sub-q injection folks grab too much skin. A little bit is all you need. Glad to hear your doctors are watching things and you are in control. You’re such an awesome mom and I’m happy for you, Mike, and Maddie.
MelissaQ says:
Heather,
I have only recently discovered the blogs written by you and your husband. My heart has cracked for you, but not broken, as I know that my pain is nothing like that which those closest to you have had to endure. (Sorry, but I hate when someone who knows nothing about a situation personally whines/whinges about heartBREAK).
You are an inspiration, a lovely lady, and the mommy that Maddie and Binky were meant to have, in all of the most positive senses imaginable. I am losing a great friend to another state because her tragic miscarriage makes it beyond difficult to remain in my state…She simply must leave in order to recover from the months of pain rendered by a 14 week miscarriage.
I personally have coached (competitive cheer, GO TEAM and such) a student who spent many days in a specialized hospital (in Atlanta–unsure about naming names) with me sleeping on a hospital sofa to give her mother a break from dealing with the aplastic anemia of her saucy daughter and her younger, down-syndrome son. (Said son rocked at many occasions, but thoroughly sucked at sympathizing with his slightly older sis–A rock star of selfishness and empathy.) This gives me a small (teeny) idea of what it takes to be a full-tiome NICU parent.
Sorry for the rambling, but know that I have been forever moved by your experiences, and that my current dedication to developing happy, healthy, loved children ;in my classroom has been strengthened a million times over from you sharing your experiences via this blog.
Thank you for your honesty, sweetness, grit, and loving heart.
A BIG fan,
Melissa Q
Lisa says:
Ok, this is one of those weirdly practical comments.
This is a trick I learnt for injecting when pregnant (I had Gestational Diabetes – twin pregnancy, two placentas, really unpleasant – you get the drift).
Now, I’m being ultra polite and this may not apply to you but . . .
I always found if I jabbed myself in a stretchmark it didn’t hurt.
Soooo embarrassed I’ve just posted this on the interwebz, and again, not suggestion that you even have stretchmarks but if it helps, then my work here is done hehe.
Lisa
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..I didn’t write this . . . =-.
Tiffany says:
Hi Heather,
I know how you feel. Shoulda, coulda, wouldas are tough.
My son passed away from a rare form of hemophilia and I too found out that I was pregnant shortly after his death. My pregnancy was emotionally difficult. Some people misconstrued my pregnancy as a sign of “moving on”. On the contrary, (and I’m sure you know what I am talking about) it’s hard to fully enjoy such a lovely event when you’re still grieving inside.
Well, my daughter is 5 months old now (she had two surgeries during her stay in the NICU- scary time!) and she was born with the same bleeding disorder that took my son’s life. I honestly believe she would not be here if it weren’t for our son, her brother.
If you wish to look at it in this light, perhaps Maddie’s purpose was to help save Binky. Had it not been for Maddie, your condition would have not been diagnosed. So perhaps, Maddie’s purpose was to help Binky live. THAT is such a beautiful legacy to leave behind. This may offer little comfort, but I hope this simple concept helps you even if it is only a bit more.
On another note, my daughter is being followed by her own hematologist and receiving “shots” every other day. Bleeding and Clotting disorders work (don’t work?) in different ways, but they are part of the blood disorders community nonetheless. The NHF is a wonderful organization and offers a great deal of advocacy and support for the “blood disorders community”. Check ’em out if you ever have the time.
Take care of yourself. Sending hugs your way.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Update… =-.
pillarr1 says:
I am with you all the way on the what ifs. It is unfortunate that it takes the first pregnancy to discover all of this info. But at least you are being monitored weekly and that is what is important. I was also monitored weekly in my second pregnancy. I was comforted in knowing they were watching me closely. I was thinking about you yesterday when I was getting a pedicure. While I was in the chair, the manicurist asked me “how many months are you?” I thought to myself “Heather is pregnant not me!!” I obviously must lose weight. Ha ha
jodi says:
I admire you for so many reasons…but being able to stick that needle in your belly? WOW!
I was squeezing my arm when I was reading it. I hate needles…and if I am being honest? For every bruise I had on my belly? Mike would have one, too…from me punching him for counting! Your are a much better wife than I could ever be!
Loving you!
LAintheFM says:
Hi Heather. I had to have insulin shots while pregnant so I know a little about what you are experiencing. It’s kinda funny how shots can be so scary at first. By the end of this, you will be a pro.
I read your blog last night prior to bed…..I dreamed I had to give myself shots again. It sucked!
Enjoy the trip to Chi-town.
.-= LAintheFM´s last blog ..Water Fun =-.
Insta-Mom says:
Oh sweetie, I hurt so much for you. And as always, your strength amazes me.
.-= Insta-Mom´s last blog ..Capitalism gone wrong =-.
Jen says:
I have never committed on anyone’s blog before but have been reading your blog since April. I, like most on here have prayed for you and your family and both my girls know who “Maddie” is. God has a purpose for all of us and it is out of our control. Don’t beat yourself up over the “what if’s” you have made a ton of us better mommies by sharing your amazing little girl with us! Maddie’s short life impacted more people than most of us who live for years.
My child is a Type1 diabetic and we “had” to give her 4-6 shots a day for 2 yrs of her life (she is now on an insulin-pump) my hubby has beat himself up over it since she was diagnosed at age 5. He felt that since his mom was Type1 then he carried the gene that made his daughter get it. Not his fault, out of his hands! When I read that you were pregnant again I cried (felt that to be strange since we have never met) there is a reason why the Dr finally figured out what needed to be done to insure a healthy pregnancy for you. Maddie will always be a part of this baby’s life and with all of your amazing video and pic’s of her this child will KNOW that they had a big sister that was a pretty amazing little girl!!
Best of luck with this pregnancy! I hope your able to relax and enjoy your mini vacation to Chicago!
Marti from Michigan says:
I used to watch my mother give herself insulin injections (diabetes type 2). She was all bruised on her belly too, plus she had to poke her fingers to check her blood sugars.
I have the opposite – hypoglycemia, and also have to check my blood sugars. Hopefully no injections for me, at least for awhile.
I hope all goes well for you and Mike in Chicago. From the pictures I’ve seen of you on this blog, you are so beautiful! I doubt you look like a haggard pregnant lady…….I bet you glow! Maddie will definitely be there in Chicago with you, I just know she will.
Prayers continue, especially now for little Binky to stay safe in his/her cocoon for 40 weeks.
June says:
Heather, I too had to give myself the shots. I found it easier, and less painful if I did it while in the tub! Sounds weird, I know, but the warm water made it less painful!
Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy! You are in my prayers.
Shelli says:
Is it subcutaneous or intramuscular? Can’t you get your husband to give them to you? Maybe it’s none of my business, so if it is, you don’t have to answer.
.-= Shelli´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You… =-.
Heather says:
It’s subcutaneous. My husband could definitely give them to me, but I like the “control” of giving them to myself. Although, as I get further along, I’m certain my husband will have to give them to me!
jen says:
comforting doesn’t always mean comfortable. i feel for you darling.
and those woulda shoulda coulda moments are so rough.
thinking of you.
.-= jen´s last blog ..strawberries, raspberries and olive juice … oh my. =-.
Denise says:
I have a good friend that had to give herself injections during her pregnancy. Needles make me so nervous, but I know it would be easier knowing how important it is to your health!
Kristin says:
You are so much braver than I could ever be! You bet your a** I’d be letting my husband give me those shots, I couldn’t stand to inject myself. I can’t even watch myself get a shot. I hope your weekend at Blogher is a blast and I hope this pregnancy is smooth and uneventful. You and Mike deserve so much joy and peace now. I hope you get it soon.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..Hot!! Cheap All You Subscription! =-.
Madeline says:
When I read your post, I was shocked about your diagnosis. I, too had antiphospholipid syndrome. My first pregnancy was uneventful, but after 2 miscarriages, tests determined I had APS. I was on the blood thinner for the remainder of my pregnancy (and during the next 2 pregnancies) and my baby was born full term and perfectly healthy. I wish you the very best!
By the way – my dentist wouldn’t clean my teeth while I was on the blood thinner because of the risk of bleeding.
.-= Madeline´s last blog ..Diversion =-.
Madeline says:
I forgot to add – every single injection left a nasty bruise! Does that happen to you? My last daugher was a summer baby, so my body looked like a cage fighter’s by delivery day.
.-= Madeline´s last blog ..Diversion =-.
Shirley says:
I feel for you with those daily injections. When I was pregnant I had GD and injected insulin in my abdomen 3 times a day. You will get used to it and learn what the best angle is so the needle doesn’t get caught and instead “slide in like butter” every time. The work of a mother never ends (that is what makes us so special).
Susan says:
Hey.
The Apothecary on National and Barrington (across from the WholeFoods) carries a pink and white tube of bliss called “Trauma Cream”- the more effective/less greasy sister of Trameel.
The balm of gilead for injection site bruises.
Take it from a neighbor who knows.
Hugs and hope this can at least ease the little pains of the body (as opposed to the greater pains of the heart).
Tam says:
Heather,
It may sound terribly rude to ask this of you, but i would love to hear more from you about how you found out about your clotting disorder. I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant with my 6th pregnancy, and have been advised that my previous (4) miscarriages may be due to a clotting disorder. However the only advice i can get is to take Asprin daily. I was wondering if you could share a little bit with me about how your were diagnosed, so i can talk to my GP about it. Please tell me if you think i’m out of line, i’m just desperately looking for SOMETHING that might help me carry this baby to term.
.-= Tam´s last blog ..The same, but different. =-.
Amber Thompson says:
I am so sorry about your injections. When I miscarried my first baby, I remember praying to God that I didn’t care how sick I was, I just wanted a baby. When I got pregnant a year later, I got my wish. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, unrelenting morning sickness that prevents nutrients from entering the body. I survived on visits to the hospital for IV fluids. Since I couldn’t swallow medicine (even the dissolvable tablets make me sick), I was put on a Zofran pump. It severly irritated my skin, but it stopped me from puking every two minutes. It never got easier to stick myself with that needle, especially after the sticks that wound up being “bleeders.” Hang in there! This will pass. I will be praying for you!
.-= Amber Thompson´s last blog ..15 Months =-.
Dina @ 4 Lettre Words says:
My BFF has the same condition and did these injections during and (for a bit) after her pregnancy. Her sweet, Grace, was born just 8 days early.
Grace is now 6-months old and perfectly healthy! (Super cute, too.)
I’m praying the same for Binky.
tx Bellaire says:
“I’d spent my whole life saying no to IV drugs (and you know, other drugs),”
I found that funny, but be proud of yourself for getting through with it nonetheless.
“I try not to get caught up in what-ifs, but every day when I jab the needle into my skin I can’t help but think of how things could have – should have – been different.”
Surely, you did all that you could. Just keep looking forward!
about myself says:
It must be difficult sharing these bittersweet things about Maddy, but you still do. So many of us are here to love and support both you and Mike.
Melissa says:
This is my first time to comment. I started reading you blog through Matt Logelins a couple of weeks before Maddie got sick. I loved looking at the pictures of your beautiful baby girl! I was so devastated for you when I heard the news. I know nothing that I (some stranger) could ever say would ever take the pain away. I just wanted to let you know that with each and everyone of your blogs I shed a tear with you for your beautiful baby girl. I myself have a 19 month old little boy and the reason I picked this post to comment on is because I had to do the exact same thing when I was pregnant. I have the exact same clotting disorder as you do and had to inject heparin into my abdomen twice a day for 9 months. I had several failed pregnancies when finally i found a doctor who tested me to see what the heck was going on. Just wanted to let you know if you ever need someone to vent to I understand a little bit at least of what you are going through with the shots. I think about you and your family often. Please don’t hesitate to email me…..ever.
Melissa
Yaffa says:
Hi Heather,
My sister in law sent me the link to your blog because I have recently started injecting myself with a Lovenox-type blood thinner. I am pregnant with #3 and this is the first time I have had to do this. Congrats on Annie. May you raise her in good health and happiness.
-Yaffa in Israel