Unfortunately, I am not talking about myself from the hospital. I am talking about my belly button. The popped-out belly button is one of those strange pregnancy side effects that makes me completely lose my cool. I think it is totally strange and gross and just WRONG that one’s perfectly fine innie can just become an outie. I used to tell my friend Tara that if it happened to me, I would tape my button down out of disgust. She found me to be crazy. Once I got into my fifth month of pregnancy, I started obsessively checking my belly button every day in the shower. Once I was in my sixth month, I checked it whenever I went to the bathroom. But, since I’ve been in the hospital, I haven’t really checked it. Chalk it up to the sexy figure-flattering hospital gown. Usually when I’m standing up I’m more concerned with keeping my butt covered than looking at my stomach. But that changed today with my last shower. As I dried off, I looked in the mirror in my bathroom, and the bile rose in my throat:

My belly button is dangerously close to popping out.

I’d say at this rate, my belly button will be even with the rest of my stomach in a week or two. BLECH!