Thanks to everyone for your advice on my post yesterday. I think a lot of you missed that even though James had gained two-fifths of an ounce in ten days, he was still down half a pound from his birth weight at his two-week check. Dr. Loove made her recommendations to us about helping James gain weight, but left the final decision to us. She also asked us to please speak with a lactation consultant before we did anything since she (Dr. Looove) is not an LC and wanted us to get expert information. After consulting with a certified LC, Mike and I made the decision to start the nurse/pump/bottle routine.
It basically came down to this for us: breastfeeding alone is, at this point, not enough for James. The LC thinks that James might be a bit of a lazy eater who just isn’t properly working the breast. We could keep him exclusively on the breast and let him try to figure it out, but I have zero interest in hearing him cry with hunger every hour. That would be a very stressful breastfeeding situation for both of us, and one that I would definitely not do well in. Now that he’s gained ten ounces and is eating at reasonable intervals instead of constantly, I can see that he really was not doing well before. His diapers were barely wet, and his stools were not a good color. He’s sleeping better now and is so alert when he’s awake. And, he and I are much more relaxed now when he breastfeeds. It’s win/win for all of us.
My appointment with Dr. Risky last week went well. Everyone in her office was like, “Wow, you look so good!” This made me wonder just how totally terrible I must have looked there at the end because I wasn’t exactly high-style at my two-week check. Dr. Risky was pleased with how my incision is healing, saying it looked “puffy but good.” Ew. She also cleared me to drive and encouraged me to start taking a short walk every day.
At the end of my appointment, Dr. Risky asked me how breastfeeding was going, so I told her about James’s slow gain. She told me that many of her patients who had hyperemesis never have their milk come in. That made me feel better (although terrible for those women), because even though I was very discouraged that day, I realized I had options that other HG women do not.
The last five days have been a lot better than the first fourteen. I’m still tired (I might have overdone it on my daily walk yesterday), but James seems to be settling into a routine, which is allowing Mike, me, and Annie to get into a routine as well. It’s so great to be less-stressed, and having Mike be able to feed James is great. A few nights ago Mike took a feeding and let me sleep through it, and I woke up after five hours of sleep feeling like I could climb a mountain. I’m especially loving our new relaxed atmosphere at home that’s letting me get to know this little guy:
The furrowed brow kills me.
Rachel (sesame ellis) says:
You are doing the best for you and your family. You are the best mommy for James. Trust that. Everyone will have a story to tell and advice to give, but James has never been here before and you have never been this baby’s mom… Wishing you rest, expert advice and happy days ahead!
Tam @ Nearly Not Quite says:
“And you have never been this baby’s mom”
THIS!! Most perfect comment ever.
Auntie_M says:
I totally agree–what more be said?!?
Vic says:
You are an awesome mum!!
From my personal experience, stopping breastfeeding was the best thing I have ever done. There, I said it. And wow, Sky didn’t fall. My first 4 weeks were full of unbelievable pain (and hey, I had no pain-relief at all so have some kind of pain threshold….), weeping and PND. I used to literally bite down on my top and quietly scream. I went to consultants who made me feel like crap, who gave me a routine that just didn’t work and disregarded my well being. Giving my baby a bottle, turned my life around. It did. The first time David drank from a bottle, he guzzled it down like I was starving him….
You are doing EVERYTHING right. EVERYTHING.
Erin Welch says:
Amen to that!!!
jerseygirl says:
Amen times 100!
And my boys never had ear infections and are rarely ever sick. James is your baby. Advice is good but only you know what will work for him and your family.
Kathryn M. says:
Yay! Sounds like a win-win situation all around and I’m glad you are feeling more relaxed and getting some more sleep. Hooray for a 5 hour stretch!! I remember those days and it is really hard being in a zombie-mommy state.
Your little James is just so so so precious. I love his temples…looks so soft and kissable Thanks for sharing him and your incredible family with all of us. You have the only blog I read religiously
Heather says:
Some people don’t get that helpful doesn’t mean “do what I think is best for you.”
Obviously you and Mike don’t take anything lightly after the experiences over the last few years. You want James to thrive, you listen to your GP and your LC.
You’re doing what is best for James and for you. Healthy baby, healthy mom. That’s the goal, right?
KDot says:
That picture is stinking cute!
AJ says:
Breast feeding is such a complicated subject! After breast feeding four babies, I can say that every experience is different, and some are easier than others. I’m nursing baby number four right now, and since I’ve been back to work (12 weeks), he mostly just takes breast milk from a bottle. I don’t nurse him much, mainly because it takes too long, and his dad or big sister and brothers can help with feeding if he takes the bottle. I know that is not what the die hards recommend, but honestly, the one thing I know for sure after all of this is that the best thing you can do is find what works for your family, no matter what that feeding method may be. There’s no wrong answer! Love your pictures and posts, and glad things have turned around
Erin says:
Heather, my little guy who nursed like a champ in the unit, has totally given it up at home. I really really wanted to nurse because I so enjoyed it with harper, although she was a half and half baby herself. My new resp infection and asthma flare up was final straw and the nursing door has closed. I am so happy that you are able to supplement while still nursing, I hope you can do this combo for as long as you are up for it, it’s great to have options while keeping james healthy and happy (and you sane). It’s been 2 weeks home and J has gained over a pound, so formula was an ok choice (albeit I didn’t get to make it) for us. Good mommy work, and good daddy work, allowing you to sleep 5 in a row!
Heidi says:
He’s adorable. Glad you are working things out. It will all be ok no matter what you choose. Personally, I loved breastfeeding once we got past that painful stage, but have friends who did not. It’s all ok. And amen for a 5 hour stretch of sleep. I was told if you can get 4 or more is when it really makes a huge difference. I remember those days of no sleep well. Hope it gets better and better. Most of all, I just want to eat little Jamesie up. So cute!
Sherry Russo says:
Heather, I’ve never commented before but have followed for a long time on and off! When I noticed you were having another baby I started following again as I was so happy for you guys! Do you see how much the pic with the glasses looks like Maddy? OMG! He is the perfect mix! Congratulations you two, you all deserve all the happiness in the world! As far as the feeding issues…..what makes baby happy makes mom happy!
Heather says:
yes! I even have a picture of Maddie wearing my glasses! I need to find it.
Molly says:
He is so gorgeous, and I’m so happy you are finally able to get some rest after the roller coaster ride of a pregnancy you had!
CJ says:
Heather- I was sad reading this post because I feel you were trying to justify your decision to supplement to all the breast nazis commenting on the previous post. You don’t have to justify, explain or defend anything you do when it comes to YOUR baby and YOUR body! I know some of the people posting were trying to be encouraging but some of them had that underlying condescension/patronizing tone tone that implies “I’m a better mom because I EBF for longer than you”. Ugh
The comments brought up feelings I’ve suppressed for 13 years! I had breast cancer at age 33, 3 years before getting pregnant with my first child. I had a mastectomy and chemo to treat the cancer. I also had hyperemesis during pregnacy (far worse than chemo) and delivered at 34 weeks. My son was 4.5 lbs and had to spend 2 weeks in the NICU. During that time i tried to pump out of my one real breast but my milk never came in. I remember, however, a crazy lactation consultant in the hospital who told me i wasnt trying hard enough. My husband kicked her out of my room. Needless to say, my son was exclusively formula fed and thrived, however i had to endure the nasty but supposedly “well meaning” breast nazis over and over.
We live in NYC so I was often “caught” formula feeding (mixing up a bottle or whatever) in public. Like sitting on a bench outside a playground in Central Park. It never failed that someone would make some inane comment along the lines of “breast is best”. I finally learned to pull the “cancer card”. I would say “well I can’t breast feed because I had breast cancer and only have one breast” and that usually did the trick Here I am 13 years later, approaching 50 and cancer free, knock wood. My healthy son is 13 and over 6’2, 165 lbs, who plays competitve basketball at the national level and who got all As and one B+ (in Latin) on his final report card for 7th grade. Point being – and I know you know this- at the end of the day, breast feeding or not just doesn’t matter! I’m happy James is doing well and whatever you decide to do is the right decision. Good luck, he’s adorable!
Heather says:
UGH! I can’t believe that people would make you feel bad, and I am glad that you put them in their place! I’m SO happy to hear that you are cancer free! YAY!
As for justifying my decision…yeah, I am, a bit. But I am also trying to explain our thought process because I know there are other moms and dads out there that are going through this, so hopefully if they read this they’ll feel more confident in their decision. The judgements would have bothered me a lot if this was my first kid, but since this is my third I’m not bothered by it. I KNOW this is the right decision for us. And, the situation is so fluid, he’s not even three weeks old, so who knows what tomorrow will bring!
Annalisa says:
I hope I haven’t come off as judgey. I just wanted to let you know it does work, even if you have difficulties at first. I was a wreck the first month. I didn’t really love breast feeding at all, where some moms say “oh, it’s the best experience!”. It simply worked because I hung in there (and I’ll be honest here: partly it was my husband’s continual encouragement, which at the time, with PPD, made me hate him for it, thinking “easy for him to say, he’s not the one who’s constantly sore and exhausted!”).
You’re giving it your best shot. No matter what happens in the long run, that’s all that matters.
Nat says:
That is terrible, but sadly, not surprising! A family friend got the call that the baby she’d been waiting months to adopt was ready to be picked up RIGHT NOW. She rushed to Target to get supplies, formula, etc. Some crazy sanctimommy / beeyotch came up to her in the formula aisle chastiing her for buying formula, saying it’s poison. This is outrageous and unbelievable. WTH?!?!
Some people can’t breastfeed, and you know what, some people simply don’t want to, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that choice. Some women want to, but don’t have the luxury of staying at home or having a job that allows them to pump. Luckily we live in a day and age that we have formula and clean water with which to feed our infants. Breast milk is completely overrated and doesn’t have nearly any of the benefits that it’s been purported to have.
I nearly died giving birth to my twins, and our “baby-friendly” hospital and LCs made me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough…um, I was hooked up to a pump and had random women squeezing my boobs while I was in the ICU — are you kidding me? I did try, for SIX MONTHS. My body had other ideas — like survival and recovery. Sometimes it really doesn’t work.
I am currently breastfeeding our 3rd child, but not because I’m under the delusion of breast milk being a miracle food…but simply because she is my third and last baby, and I’m enjoying the experience.
Wendy says:
Congratulations on your adorable son! When it comes to feeding, I found that everyone has an opinion, but the only one that matters is the one you and Mike make for your baby. I too had Gestational Diabetes with my last pregnancy and was told that slow milk coming in is a common problem for women who have had GD. I pumped for a year with my 560 gram preemie with formula supplementation for weight gain and pumped another year for my exclusively breast milk fed full term baby because she was a lazy feeder. If I had to do it again for my FT baby, I would have occasionally supplemented with formula from the beginning because I waited too long to introduce formula she refused to drink it. Whether formula or breast fed, James will thrive either way.
JoAnn says:
My very healthy, well adjusted, loving, intelligent five year old boy was a half and half baby, too. And as an earlier poster so perfectly said: “There, I said it. And the sky didn’t fall.”. I really get a wind up my skirt when women, as you have done to start this post, are forced to clarify, explain and excuse the decisions you make for your own child’s health, as well as your own. You are doing the right thing- clearly!
On another note: I am so happy to hear that things are really settling in and looking up for you all. Especially you, Heather. You really are quite an inspiration to me, truthfully. After having an “oops” and getting pregnant with my son, my husband and I struggled for 3 years to get pregnant again. I don’t tolerate even he smallest pregnancy symptoms very well, but after following your journey all of these years, and seeing how you have remained so strong and steadfast and GOOD really forces me to reevaluate myself. Truly- you do motivate and inspire me!
Heather says:
Oh, thank you so much, JoAnn! That means so much to me.
shannon says:
You have to do what’s right for your situation, and that’s all that really matters. End of story. He’s adorable!
Tracy says:
Good for you!
sherri says:
Mommy knows best. My middle child cried all day every day for months. She didn’t sleep and ate all the time. FINALLY at 4 months we figured out she was lactose intolerant, and because of that she wasn’t nursing well or getting enough. Yes, she was gaining weight, but she was miserable. I stopped nursing cold turkey b/c I had my wisdom teeth out and was on meds…she took a full bottle of formula and was as happy as can be. I never nursed again, and I never leaked or became engorged…she obviously had NOT been getting enough to eat. I knew there was an issue, but no one ever listened to me. Sigh.
Priya says:
But why is James so worried all the time? ;P Seriously he is so cute and you are clearly doing a wonderful job.You got this! Hooray for 5 hours! Isn’t that the best feeling ever??? That’s a feeling you can’t understand until you become a parent!
Meg says:
I nursed successfully first two times but boy #3 was a “lazy sucker.” Once we started supplementing with a bottle, it was pretty much all over. But, he began to thrive, and I had a gin and tonic, and he is healthy today, the end. Good luck, go with your gut!
Colleen says:
I’m so glad you guys found a “groove” that works for you! Happy mama and happy baby is all that matters! He’s just adorable! You guys sure do make some beautiiful babies!
lilcg says:
I agree with Vic completely–stopping breast feeding was the best decision I made. I was so focused on the breast feeding which wasn’t working–numerous visits to the lactation consultant didn’t seem to help–that I wasn’t enjoying my baby and wasn’t happy. my daughter wasn’t sleeping very well and she was jaundiced. I started supplementing and pumping and everything changed. she started gaining weight, the jaundice went away, and she started sleeping better. And more importantly I could actually enjoy my baby and bond with her.
Breast feeding may work wonderfully for some women, but what really matters is what works well for YOU and YOUR baby.
Karen says:
Are you still reading these comments? lol. Might be best to skim them for a while. Any posts I or any of my friends ever did on Bfing were downright hostile in comments. You have s much bigger readership!
What is it about breastfeeding/motherhood that makes us all experts? I had an easier time (but I am looking back 7 years) with my first nursing and a tougher time with my little one. He just was a painful nurser and I had mastitis and other issues. I powered through it because he had mad allergies and reflux that made formula tough. In the end you do what works best for you and your family and it sounds like you are doing just that. Great job, Momma!
Heather says:
I am still reading them!! I am not bothered by the…more judgmental ones…but I did want to explain our decision more in case other people out there are in the same boat!
Vic says:
When I stopped breastfeeding the people who gave me most grief were other women… Complete and utter strangers in shopping centres/coffee shops etc thought it was appropriate to make snide remarks when they saw me bottle-feeding my baby. Oh and don’t get me started on the Lactation Consultants and the Maternal and Child Healthcare Nurses
Women…we need to stop judging and start listening.
Melissa says:
First, I’m so glad you are settling into a routine. For me, that was always the hardest part of having a newborn – I’m a planner by nature and never thrived with chaos. It takes time to get there, but it sounds like you are making good progress. Yay you! (and Yay James too.) Just wanted to thank you for passing along the information re HG sufferers and lack of milk – as soon as I read that a bell went off in my head. I had HG with boy#1 and nursing just never worked. I would pump and pump and pump and get such small amounts that I just gave up after a few weeks. Everyone’s quality of life was suffering. It makes me feel a little better (nearly 7 years later) to know that my lack of supply may have had to do with that. With boy #2 I had better success nursing (no HG,) but I had a lot of great support from our pedi, and a wonderful nurse at the hospital who helped me get over the hump. Also, my mom stayed with us for the first six weeks and woke me up whenever it was time to feed him – it REALLY helped and I don’t know that I would have been as successful at nursing him if I didn’t have all of that help. When she left, I started supplementing, and then went to exclusive formula at 3 months. The point is, you do what you can and when you can, with the resources you have available. Happy things are going better. Looking forward to watching him and Annie star in some videos
Heather says:
OH Melissa, I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been when you were trying to nurse your first son! I think it really shows that (even though it was seven years ago) there is so little known about HG. But since my appointment I’ve checked some of the HG message boards I read and it does seem to be a common problem.
Ali says:
I was never diagnosed with HG, but a bell went off for me, too. My milk never came in, and I had a horrible time through my pregnancy with sickness. I only netted out gaining 7 pounds because I couldn’t eat anything. I wonder if maybe I’d had a mild (ha!) case of HG, or even just an extreme enough case of “morning” sickness to contribute to no milk? I tried and tried and tried, became BFFs with the LC, and when my help wasn’t there during the day anymore, I had to throw in the towel (with kind support from the LC, which was a pleasant surprise!). It was so hard, I beat myself up for it – isn’t my body supposed to do this!?! I felt like I’d failed my baby, my body had failed my baby. But I came to realize that it was our job to feed and nourish our baby. How just didn’t matter, as long as he was getting the nourishment he needed. It’s hard to feel judged any time, but especially when you’re in the newborn haze, emotions high, sleep low. My son is a super healthy, happy almost 2 year old, so all those that judged me openly, or just with sly looks as I mixed up formula can suck it!!
You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing – loving and caring for your baby per his needs. Yay for sleep – isn’t it funny how a year ago, 5 hours would be a cause for crankiness, and now it’s an amazing feeling! Yay for daddy doing feedings!!
RG says:
My first reaction when I read about this breastfeeding issue was – good lord, after that pregnancy I’m surprised girlfriend has the energy and resources to even try!
I breastfed both my boys for a year – I also pump/bottled and also supplemented with formula most of that time (especially for the second one!) It’s such a blessing to have all these options, and to be able to cobble together a workable scenario that lets you recover from that awful pregnancy (love you James! But it was awful!)
But you’ll have to clue me into how you got your husband to do a night feeding. Because I’m still working on that one! (Love that husband of mine, but he is kind of a wimp when it comes to sleep).
Heather says:
Well, I think the fact that the baby was right next to my head, crying, and I didn’t even move was a good indication to Mike that I desperately needed sleep! LOL.
Jennifer Dawn says:
He is too cute for words. So glad you have found a routine that is working.
Jessica Stringer says:
So happy you’ve found what works for you and your family!
Jill says:
It sounds like you may have gotten some major backlash from your last post about supplementing with formula. I’m happy to hear you have a good attitude and are moving forward with your plan and James is getting plenty to eat now. I had the same struggles with both of my children. My first lost weight at his 2 week check up instead of gaining. Do what is best for your child and your family. Formula is not a horrible thing, and it’s okay if you use it. Don’t let people get you down about not breastfeeding 100% (and if you quit all together). It’s okay if it doesn’t work out, as you know. Great job working at finding what works for you guys and getting into a routine! I hope that things just continue to get easier from here on out. (And James is adorable! What beautiful children you have!)
Erin Welch says:
You guys just do what’s best for you! I found after the birth of my two kids that breast feeding has an abundance of loyal followers—rightfully so, however, its a very personal choice. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty.
James is GORGEOUS! The furrowed brow…he’s getting to know you, too, Mama! S cute!
ColleenMN says:
The first few weeks are both the best and the worst. I lived in a fog. Just enjoy that munchkin and I am glad you have the eating thing figured out. I agree with you about the scowl on his face; it’s a killer
Suzanne says:
Seriously…he is totally on to you. You can tell by his quizzical expression. He knows he has you wrapped around his little finger. What a great face. What a perfectly round head. You cooked a good one.
Trisha says:
Amen! to having options and being able to do what you feel was best for you, your son and your family.
I gave breastfeeding a try for a good 3 weeks or so with my last daughter and then we eventually went to pumping and supplementing as well. To each their own and I hope no one makes you feel bad or guilty about it.
I keep reading these stories coming out of Venezuela about them possibly banning the sell of baby bottles and scratching my head. It’s crazy!
Jana Frerichs says:
How cute!!! I think you have a deep thinker on your hands.
Michelle says:
That sounds like an AWESOME plan, simply because it’s working for YOUR family! I’m happy that you guys have found something that seems to be working out for both you and little James. Man, he’s SO stinking adorable!
Sara says:
Such an Annie face he’s making in that pic! Love it.
Glad to hear things are going more smoothly for you both in terms of your feeding routine!
MG says:
Bottom line is…you have to do what works best for you and your family. So glad you have been able to do that now. Everyone’s ‘right’ will look different.
Expat Mom says:
You do what is best for you and your baby. I felt so horrid that I couldn’t breastfeed my first two well that I tried SO hard with the third and it ended up with a very unhappy baby because he was always hungry. If you have to supplement (or even switch completely), DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! You are such an awesome mom and while breastfeeding is optimal, you’ve already seen that babies raised on formula are absolutely fine. I really wish someone had told me that when I was crying over my first baby’s hatred of the breast.
Your sweet little man needs love and he’s getting that in droves. He’s going to be just fine.
Lesley says:
I am so happy you and your little man are doing well! The other posters have already said it much better than I could, so I’ll just say that I’m sure you’re a fabulous momma to him and am glad you’re able to get more rest and settle into a routine. A mom has to take care of herself or how can she take care of her baby?
Bridget says:
I give you creidt for honestly sharing your feeding decision so openly. I had similar visits with my 2 boys at 2 weeks and I HATED having to supplement. But, I think the reason I hated it was because people (probably like ones that commented on your last blog post) made me feel bad about it. My prediatrician just wanted to see a weight gain. And the lactation consultant didn’t find any obvious reason he was not gaining. It is a frustrating journey for those of us in the club of no weight gain. Luckily you have tons of fellow club members that can reassure you that you are not alone on the formula supplementation. Happy mom = happy baby. And vice versa. Fill up that tummy with whatever seems to work best for your situation and move in for some snuggles.
And a shout out to Mike for being such a helpful partner.
Amy says:
You’ve got this! You are an awesome mom! He is so freaking cute!!!
Tina says:
Hey, high five for even trying. After my pregnancy from hell I didn’t even try to breastfeed. My pregnancy took everything I had emotionally and
mentally. I had nothing left to give. I don’t regret that decision at all. We all know breast milk is optimal nutrition, but sometimes good nutrition just has to be enough.
James is just perfect Heather. He’s a beautiful boy. Enjoy him and try to rest and relax.
Rae says:
Every mother has to make the decision about what works for her and her baby. I felt breastfeeding was an important choice and that is the decision I made for me and my babies and I do not regret exclusive breastfeeding at all. I also did not care if I was stared at while nursing in public or called a breastfeeding “nazi” (one of the most hateful words EVER!) just for nursing around around other mothers. But too bad for them. My nursing was not open to discussion. It was what it was. I was not going to stop nursing because some random person thought it was wrong. If they didn’t like it, they could leave or STFU.
If your choice is to combo feed and that works for you and your family, great! Own it, don’t let anyone make you doubt your choice.
If your choice is to formula feed, great! Again, own it.
With any parenting choice, we open ourselves up for criticism. I do not care what anyone else has to say about how I feed my children. I hope you get to that point also.
Heather says:
Oh, I was at that point before James was born! Since he’s my third baby, he gets the benefit of me having been down this road twice before. But I know there are other people in this same boat, so hopefully explaining our thought process will help others feel more confident.
Erin L says:
I am so happy that you all have found a system that works. I wish I would have known about the HG and milk not coming in link, it would have saved me a lot of guilt :-). I had HG and my milk barely came in. I pumped around the clock for a month to only get an ounce at a time for my twins. My DH made me give up because I was so stressed and exhausted.
Heather says:
Oh Erin! That sounds so awful! You poor thing.
Erin L says:
You are so sweet. You really did lift a weight of my shoulders with the HG/milk link. My twins turned 5 last month and I still felt some sense of failure. Not anymore :-). We live in a small town with no Dr. Risky’s, now I really wish I would have had one. Your baby boy and daughter’s are lucky to have such wonderful parents.
Leah says:
Isn’t it funny how newborns seem so wise? In one of the Mary Poppins books there was a bit where the little baby was able to talk to the birds, and the birds were so disappointed when she got to be an older baby/toddler and lost that ability. Newborns really do have a magical quality about them.
Mommy says:
No need to explain yourself, mama Spohr. That baby is thriving thanks to you and his daddy. That is all.
He’s adorable and lovely. So happy for you all!!
Brooke Robbins says:
You are doing exactly what is right for you!! My daugther had trouble latching on, the LC (a VERY large woman) told me not to worry that my baby’s weight was down and she was screaming 24/7…as I burst into tears, my mom, looks at her and says, “When was the last time you went 5 days without eating. I am giving that baby a bottle and it will take an army to stop me!” BEST. DAY. EVER.
Caroline says:
Your honesty, as always, is so refreshing!!! You are an amazing mom and appreciate your willingness to share these triumphs and tribulations of being a “new” mom, even though this is your third time around!
Mary says:
Perhaps this is a bit tangential, but I love his faces! The concerned look, the furrowed brow…so, so cute!
So glad that both appointments went well and that you’re finding a routine. Thanks, as always, for sharing your family’s lives with us.
twingles says:
No one ever wants to say it but some babies just can’t nurse and thank God we live in a country and a time where we have other awesome options.
That baby looks so much like Annie it makes me laugh!
Adrianne says:
Oh my! I see sooo much of Maddie in that sweet baby boy!
I felt sure I didn’t know the whole story yesterday, which is why I should not have even commented. So sorry if my comment came off as judgmental, as I didn’t intend it that way at all.
I remember when you announced your pregnancy, and I was so excited for you guys. But I knew you were guarding your heart and trying not to get your hopes too high. And then all you went through with your pregnancy. Oy! But look now. You have a perfect little man who looks so much like both of his sisters and is such a light in your lives. Breast milk, formula, some combination of both… it matters not even a little bit! What matters is that he’s here, he’s healthy, he’s loved, and he’s (very obviously) well taken care of.
Stephanie says:
Sorry – I just can’t believe people would comment on your personal choices. Yes, everyone knows that “breast is best,” but it doesn’t work for everyone.
My next door neighbor had an extreme case with her first child. At four months old she was barely one pound heavier than her birth weight. Talk about failure to thrive! Once she was on formula, she started gaining almost a pound a day.
Do whatever you deem is best for James and that’s it! And how nice for Mike to give you a break. At that age, getting five hours of sleep is amazing!
dawn says:
Glad you are doing better. My daughter was a lazy eater too. So stressful
dawn says:
Glad you are doing better. My daughter was a lazy eater too. So stressful
Glenda says:
So glad to hear that the past 5 days have gotten better and into your own groove. James is precious. Happy baby…happy mommy! Do what’s best for you and James. Both of mine were bottle fed and I have no regrets. It’s what worked for us. Best to you and your family always!
Maggie says:
My coworkers must wonder what I’m smiling from ear to ear about while I sit here and eat lunch, but when I read your stories about how things are going well, I can’t help but smile! I’m glad things are working out, and the most important thing is that you are doing what is right for your family. I was heartbroken with you when Maddie died, and I’ve enjoyed “watching” Annie grow, and now James! You really are a model and inspiration to so many people out there! I just hope I can handle parenthood as well as you and Mike when the time comes for me
Beth says:
I echo what others have said — glad that you are finding a plan that works for you and your family. James benefits from the wisdom of his parents.
His sweet baby face with the very smart eyes!! Clearly, he’s a genius. Oh, the happy days ahead for all of you! Blessings.
Jeanie says:
So glad you were able to figure it out so quickly and all’s well. What in the world is the little guy so worried about at such a young age?
Lisa says:
I think as long as your baby is getting fed somehow, it shouldn’t matter to anyone. Although, I have to say, when breastfeeding moms say they gave their baby a bottle and they “guzzled it down”, it annoys the crap out of me. They aren’t guzzling because they’re starved, sucking is a reflex. If you put a pencil in the baby’s mouth, it would suck on it.
Laurie says:
Heather, I’m sorry things have been so stressful and difficult. I’m very glad to hear that you’ve found a solution and that things are getting easier. You deserve all the joy you can get. ?
Linda says:
Good for you, Heather! You made an informed decision, and it is clearly the best decision for James and you.
Carol says:
I went through the same thing with my first child. Only reached his birthweight at age one month and that was with two weeks of formula supplement. I also tried everything under the sun but formula is not poison! My kids are successful, very smart and healthy adults now. I truly wanted to breast feed and was jealous of people who could but my body just wouldn’t produce enough milk to keep them from looking like they came from an impoverished country with starving kids! Do what is best for your health and James’ health and don’t feel guilty.
Rachel says:
Your posts make me feel so good, Heather. My little guy is doing great on a combination of boob and formula…he’s my first so I am VERY sensitive to judge-y comments…I’m trying to get past it, but it is hard when you already feel like you don’t have a clue in hades what you are doing!
Jessy says:
Congratulations to all of you! I am not a mom and am not personally invested in breast feeding versus formula feeding. I do, however, teach statistics, and have worked with enough mom friends (also science-savvy) to have researched this with them.
The evidence seems pretty clear – there are benefits to breast feeding. BUT, based on the best research (mostly meta-analyses, which aggregate across many many studies, all of which are imperfect) it ALSO seems clear, though, that the size of the benefits are “modest.” The people I consider my wisest, most well-informed friends came to some form of the following conclusion: “I will try breast feeding because I know it helps, on average, and I’ll give it a real, honest, good faith effort. But if it makes me absolutely miserable and makes the baby miserable, and he or she is not feeding, I’ll recognize that there are tangible, physical costs (such as higher levels of maternal cortisol, which are associated with more ‘fear behavior’ in breast fed infants) as well as mental ones that might offset the benefits, and consider stopping or supplementing.”
I’ve read your blog for a long time although I rarely or never comment, it seems clear to me that you are an informed and wise medical consumer. To think that you would make decisions about your children’s health lightly is ludicrous. You all sound happy and healthy right now, and I wish you many more years on that path.
Krista says:
Hi Heather,
I have not read through all of these comments and I’m sure it’s been said already. All that really matters is that James gets fed, it’s as simple as that. After the loss of our first daughter and the premature arrival of our second I have come to understand this; having a baby to hold in your arms and feed however it works, however you choose, is a gift. Keep filling James’ little belly with whatever method works and watch him grow!
Janey says:
Amen!
Janey says:
Breast/Bottle/Blah! So much pressure on mothers to breast feed. Do what works for you all and go with it guilt free.
I remember as a young mother feeling so tormented when I did not have the time or energy to breastfeed both of my twins. (One got boob, the other bottle. Rotate and switch! In hindsight I should have saved my sanity and formula fed them from day 1 darn it.)
I wish I knew then that in time IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! All the best with whatever you decide. You two make gorgeous babies
amourningmom says:
So glad that your appointment with Dr. Risky went well and that you got some sleep! Sleep makes such a difference.
Love, love the pictures – James does look like the perfect mix of Maddie and Annie!
I don’t have any real words of wisdom about breast feeding except for if you are pumping do you have a hands free bra? The hands free bra made pumping so much easier for me (my arms didn’t hurt from holding the bottles while I pumped and I could multi task – I am guilting of returning phone calls/emails while pumping . . .).
bella says:
We also struggled with nursing and had to supplement with formula. I was distraught at first but realized my baby’s health was most important. Now that my kids are 18 & 20, I understand that the path to successful parenting was paved with a foundation of adaptation and resilience. There are so many more important issues to address beyond how well our first year of breast feeding went.
May your family be blessed with the aura of love from family and friends.
Norma says:
He makes the most adorable faces…and I think he looks alot like Annie! Many blessings to the whole family!
Laura says:
it was brave of you to post about breastfeeding not going well and needing formula supplementation. you must have had some idea of what was coming “MAMA! you’re doing it RONG! try HARDER!!!11!” the number one rule is feed the baby. they need to eat to live and grow. the end.
Lisa says:
I am catching up on my blog reading today because I have been out of town since my daughter gave birth to my first grandchild on June 4. I love every post, every picture, because they remind me of my sweet grandson. This post especially struck a note. My daughter began breastfeeding but the baby had lost almost a pound and was very jaundiced at two days. The doctor recommended supplementing with formula. He began refusing the breast so she was offering the breast and pumping. Her milk never came in and she tired of feeding feeling like a battle so she made the decision to use formula. The LC at the hospital tried to make her feel guilty about her decision but in the end she had to do what she felt was best for her son. He is much more alert and satisfied now than he ever was when she was attempting to breastfeed.
James is a beautiful baby and I am enjoying getting to know him through your posts.
Beth says:
Hi Heather. So glad you are feeling better. This breast feeding thing. Why do we – as mothers – get so het up about this? I read your last post (I read all your posts) and was sorry to hear feeding had become a struggle. You don’t need any more struggles! Also, though, I think most people in the comments were just trying to help. I can understand that that much advice and “encouragement” would feel overwhelming, but I’m sure they would feel horrible to know they made you feel bad. We are all on this journey with you and wish you the very best.
Heather says:
Oh, no one made me feel bad, although there were certainly comments and emails that tried to. This is my third kid and I am confident in my parenting and I always make researched and informed decisions. But, I have friends and readers who are on this path for the first time, and I want them to know that they aren’t alone in their struggles, and that judgey people and comments are the exception, not the norm.
Greis says:
So glad you have a routine down now and things are getting better. Glad James is eating and gaining like a champ now too!
A.E. says:
these are my favorite…baby can seamlessly go from breast to bottle & not be frustrated by “slow flow” of human nipple…bc synthetic nipple is same slow speed…i keep my babies on the “slow flow” speed synthetic nipple for a long time, don’t advance to “stage 2” and they stay content @ the breast! happy tiny baby phase to you…its oddly always my favorite…my friends think i am insane
http://www.amazon.com/The-First-Years-Breastflow-Bottle/dp/B001QVG9YS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1371811024&sr=8-2&keywords=breastflow+bottles
Auntie_M says:
I had know idea about the HG and the milk potentially not coming it–but in retrospect, not really surprising! Man! The things you know about alllll kinds of pregnancy things could fill several books!!!!
I love the very first commentator’s comment about how you have never been THIS baby’s mama before & learning how to mother a new baby always takes time. Sounds so simple yet it’s absolutely BRILLIANT!!!!
So, today on Birth Without Fear (a group I ran across on FB recently) they are honoring ALL ways of feeding babies: bottle (breast milk and/or formula) and/or breast fed and are asking for pictures on instagram–bet you have some cute ones of all your kiddos from your household!! You know, in your free time!!!
So glad you have found a good balance for your household!!! That must be a relief! For all of you! My baby brother James was born when I was almost 5…he was NOT a night-sleeper!!! I still remember being awake at night with him and mom & dad! I also remember them bringing him home the day after he was born & putting him in my arms and stroking his thick dark hair for the first time. (It later all fell out and when it grew back he was a tow head!) Awwww…memories!!! LOL That baby is 37 now. Still love him to death. And our baby sister who followed 2 years later.
Wonder if Annie will remember being allowed to give James a bottle for the 1st time…and holding him like mommy does. Such a special time for the whole family. I’m just so thrilled for you all!!!
https://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear?hc_location=stream
Today on our #birthwithoutfear Instagram, we are giving love to all our mamas who use bottles to nourish their children. We are hardly sent any or tagged in any adorable #bottlefed baby pics. We need to change that. This isn’t about debating what is best. Everyone knows #breastmilk is magic. This is about supporting the thousands of women that follow BWF that bottlefeed.
We are constantly sharing breastfeeding pictures and pushing for our rights for that to be accepted and REnormalized. We also need to #support and love our mamas who use pumped milk, donor milk, homemade formulas, and commercial formula. We can debate formula until we are all worked up and divided or we can give mamas support to breastfeed if they can and offer acceptance if they don’t/can’t.
We love you ladies. Email us pictures anytime or tag us on IG and Twitter! ? {January}
P.S. This will not turn into a debate. If you would like to simply leave some information or share an experience we would love that! #stopfbdiscrimination
Jennifer says:
Heather, James is adorable. I was not able to produce enough milk for my son and had to start supplementing on day 3. It is such a personal, stressful, and emotional issue. No matter what happens it sounds like you and mike will make a decision that will work for your family’s situation. Everybody has their own unique needs when the baby arrives…i get upset when people just say Breast is Best and don’t account for others factors a family may be dealing with.