We saw Dr. Risky yesterday. I’ve been seeing her every two weeks, although she’s given me the option to come in every week if I prefer. My anxiety level has been much lower during this pregnancy than any of the other three…I think that’s partly because I’m making a very conscious effort to stay as chill as possible, and partly because I’m just too tired to get scared/stressed. There have been lots of times when I should have been crazy-anxious but instead I’ve been like, “can I take a nap on this table, please?” My exhaustion, it is powerful.

I think I also just really want to experience a normal pregnancy (or as normal as I can have), so I am freaking determined to force this pregnancy into normalcy. Which we all know is out of my control, but we all also know I am a control freak. Maddie’s pregnancy had complications right away, Annie’s was complicated by grief and my newly diagnosed clotting disorder, and my third pregnancy barely got off the ground. With that history I should definitely be stressing out, but I’m just…not. I’m ignoring or handing-off stressful situations, focusing on Annie, and sleeping whenever humanly possible (“It’ll be a twenty-minute wait for this prescription? Oh I don’t mind, I’ll just be right in that chair, napping.” Actual thing I said to a pharmacist this week. And then I napped in that chair.).

Dr. Risky’s nurses take my vitals at the beginning of every appointment. I was down 3.75 pounds from my last weigh-in almost two weeks ago. I’m down a significant bit of weight overall and I’m just really, really hoping that I can, at the very least, stop losing weight. It’s just not good. Dr. Risky is hoping that, now that I’m starting my second trimester, things will get better. That makes two of us. She’s more concerned over my ability to stay hydrated. She actually told me “You can go to the ER again for fluids if you want.” But um, no. I did not want. Who wants to go to the ER during cold and flu season? Not me.

The Acrobat looked all baby-shaped in my uterus.

the acrobat, 11w6d

As long as The Acrobat is growing well, I’m happy.

When we got home, we showed Annie the ultrasound picture. She said, “Ohhhhhh, my baby is so cute!” I asked her if she could point out the different parts of the baby, and this is what she said everything was:

She thinks the entire picture is the baby’s face. The baby’s mouth is the sac the baby is in. The baby itself is apparently the tongue, and then the random black circle at the bottom is the baby’s bottle. I can sort of see what she’s going for, but really I can’t get past the baby being its own tongue.

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