Finally some good news – my blood test came back with “low levels,” whatever that means, but it’s good, so yay! Dr. Hirisk’s theory is that I passed the remaining tissue on Saturday (the worst day of bleeding by far), and my body is recovering finally. That means I don’t have to take anything or have another D&C. Halle-freaking-lujah. Dr. Hirisk wants me to get an ultrasound to “check under the hood,” but now it’s not an emergency.
I feel like I can finally relax. It’s been over two weeks of not sleeping well, not eating much, and general crappiness. My physical restrictions have almost all been lifted, so I can get back to normal activity as soon as I’m up to it. I can stop worrying about my body and start letting my mind focus on other things.
I am still really upset that there wasn’t any tissue for the lab to test. I’m always going to wonder what happened, if it was chromosomes or my clotting disorder. My perinatologist was great about it. He listened to me (remember yesterday when I said my brain cut off my ability to speak to prevent me from saying things in anger? I did not have that problem today.), then talked me down. He was clearly not pleased by the lack of tissue for testing, but stayed professional about it. He told me the important thing was making sure I was OK so that there weren’t any more problems in the future. The best thing about my former OB is that she lead me to this man. He’s had to fill Dr. Risky’s big shoes, and he’s done a great job so far.
With the lack of definitive miscarriage cause, Dr. Hirisk is going to proceed as if it were caused by my clotting disorder. So, oral blood thinners while trying to conceive (low dose aspirin), then injectable blood thinners as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test. Sometime in the next month Mike and I will meet with the OB Dr. Hirisk wants us to work with. I want to meet her before I am pregnant, get a feel for her, see what she thinks of Dr. Hirisk’s plan, etc.
I’m tired. But I feel hopeful that things might turn out better next time…and if they don’t, well, at least I know we did everything we could. Thank you again for all of your wonderful comments and emails and cards. As always, you made us feel so much better about everything – and much more educated about this whole situation in general. Miscarriages are very common in women with Antiphosopholipid Antibody Syndrome, but that doesn’t mean you’re prepared, or know the right questions to ask. I think part of the reason I have been able to be so calm is because I knew I had all of you out there to take care of us. So thank you, again, a million trillion times.
Also – there is a story about Friends of Maddie in this week’s (June 4) issue of Woman’s World magazine. If you’re here because of it, HI. We’ve seen an increase in donations this week, which is SO amazing. Thank you to everyone who donated, and to Woman’s World for featuring us!
Jay- The Dude of the House says:
Godspeed, Heather. Hope you feel like yourself again soon.
While I am sorry there will always be some questions surrounding this, I am so grateful that you have a good doctor whom you can trust and who listens to you even (especially) when you are upset or ranting. Glad he has a plan in place and is hopeful for future pregnancies.
You continue to be in my thoughts & I hope you continue to heal both physically and emotionally and as a family.
Good news as far as not needing a second D&C. I am assuming they did a beta hCG blood test. I’d say if the bleeding gets worse again, have them do another to make sure the number is still going down sufficiently.
Many virtual hugs. My thoughts are still with you and your fam during this time.
And I’ll be picking up the WW issue this week!
I’m glad you’re starting to feeling better & hopeful!! Thinking of you.
I’m so glad to hear the blood work came back ok and that you are finally on the mend. I hope you are feeling much better soon. Keeping you in my thoughts as always.
I hope this new OB is the one for you and together with Dr. Hirisk you end up with a great team working with you and for you.
Expat Mom says:
So glad to hear that you are feeling better. Hang in there!
Heather, I’m so sorry you won’t get any definitive answers but it sounds like your doc has a solid plan. I hope and pray you never have to experience any type od baby loss again.
It’s so hard to find doctors who are good and in tuned to us. Some of my doctors with the best personalities who seem to care the most just haven’t been good doctors, and some of the better doctors have been pretty jerky. Especially in the OB field. What’s up with that? It took me having an ovarian cancer scare to land the most precious, intelligent, perfect gynecologist. I wanted to cry when, six weeks post surgery, he said his goodbyes. I begged him to “keep” me, and he smiled the sad clown smile, winked, and said, “The only way you get to stay with me is if you have cancer. Be glad you can’t.” So I tried a new doctor who was a weirdo and ended up going back to my old doctor who had pretty much neglected me, leading to me needing an oncologist……I’m done having babies, so a gyno isn’t so important to me, but I do understand wanting to have that perfect one during your childbearing years. Hoping you’ve found the right one now!
Here’s to good doctors, feeling better, and nibbling Annie’s cheeks. Do that last one for me, please.
Hugs and prayers from Tennessee.
So glad you’re starting to feel better. And I’m glad you’re set up with another OB because that one? Piece of junk. xo
Emily E says:
Thank you for sharing your story, Heather. It’s easy to feel alone when going through miscarriage but if more people share their stories, it can help those going through it. I’m glad you are feeling better and wish you success in the future when it’s time to try again.
I’m so, so proud of you, Heather. You sound amazing (even if you aren’t). I can’t imagine the pain of a miscarriage (and all the after effects), but I can only hope if I ever had to understand the pain I could handle it as gracefully as you are.
I am so glad you’re feeling better and that things seem to be winding down- I hope you’re feeling better soon.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but when I dealt with my 3 miscarriages (all tied to my clotting disorder), I had to view them as steps I had to go through to get figure out (finally) what worked. Miscarriage #1 showed us that I had a clotting disorder, miscarriage #2 showed us that starting injectable blood thinners after my 1st appointment was too late and #3 showed us that Heparin didn’t work. While each miscarriage was devastating, I was able to see how they allowed us to put all the pieces in the puzzle together to finally give me my kids. Baby Aspirin daily + Lovenox started the day of my BFP = full term, healthy babies at long last. I certainly hope you don’t have to go through any more losses and I’m praying that Dr. Hirisk keeps leading you in the right direction!!
Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch says:
So glad you’re starting to feel better!!
I saw the story of Maddie in the Womens World. It was a very nice story. Take care of your self and REST!!!
Glad you’re feeling better. Thinking of you and Mike.
I’m so, so glad you have Dr. Hirisk. It sounds like you are in great hands. I hope you keep feeling better and stay optimistic about Dr. Hirisk’s plan for a future pregnancy.
I’m so glad to hear you’re on an upward curve again, and that you’ve found a brilliant doctor.
Desiree Durang says:
I was just turned onto your blog by a friend. I spent last night and this morning combing through your blog to read your story. What an emotional roller coaster. I feel for you in your time of pain. I feel for your loss. I appreciate so much mom’s who are brave enough to share their story like this. It makes the rest of us not feel so alone. (p.s. I love your doctor aliases) ((hugs))
Your post today just sounds so much more relaxed and like you’re a bit more at ease, which is fantastic. Hopefully the remainder of your recovery will go smoothly. Even though you’re “cleared” still listen to your body and take it easy when needed. Let nurse Annie take care of you.
Now, on to better, happier days!!
Auntie G says:
I am so sorry for your loss. If it helps you to hear a sympathetic miscarriage horror story with a somewhat comforting ending…(if not, delete and pls don’t give it a moment’s thought)…snapshot: subfertile, one IUI son, two back-to-back miscarriages, and the second was so horribly statistically unlikely AND ALSO mismanaged medically and with mexo — a very stressful, short-lived pregnancy that ended in a horrible way, and the only way we got through the waiting period was believing that our doctors had advised us correctly that the embryo was clearly, unquestionably genetically defective/not viable. And then they were able to analyze the tissue, and the official results (delivered to me via my work! voice! mail!) were: male, chromosomally normal. After my brain allowed me to form words, I had a very soothing conversation with the high-risk OB, who explained something to me about the chromosomal analysis/miscarriage tests that I’d never before understood, which I thought might comfort you: only about half of the miscarriages that are caused by chromosomal issues are detectable by post m/c chromosomal testing. The testing really only counts the chromosomes and matches them up; if the wrong number is found or they aren’t paired up right, you can get some info there – Trisomy 18, etc. BUT my doctor explained this: the tests are the equivalent of counting the books in a library. The tests can tell you if you have the right number of books in your library and if they are shelved correctly. However, they cannot tell you if the books’ PAGES are in the right order, or language, or free from typos, etc. And those kinds of errors are the equivalent of chromosomal problems that absolutely cause many miscarriages — they’re just not problems we have the ability to test for at this time. Based on how atypical my pregnancy had been from day one, he still strongly believed that chromosomal issues caused my miscarriage, even though the tests didn’t find any problems.
So, I COMPLETELY understand how much we want ANSWERS after a miscarriage, and how much it can hurt not to get clear answers, or any at all. But since I was shocked to learn something so simple about the testing that I, in my infertility internet research obsession hadn’t once come across, I am passing it along, if only to say…there are so very many reasons for a pregnancy to go wrong that are just unknowable at this time, tissue or no. That helped me come to terms with what happened to us…eventually.
(Note that nearly two years later, typing this message made me cry a little.)
In the end, we were able to conceive another son via IVF, and I was on baby aspirin for the first trimester, FWIW. And I comfort myself with thinking that “at least” (ugh how I hate that term when carelessly flung about!) my two boys in heaven are keeping each other company and becoming best friends, just as their brothers here on earth are.
I wish you peace, and a happier ending, as soon as possible.
Barb in Michigan says:
So relieved you’ve made so much progress since the weekend.Grateful you appear to have found a good Doctor. You, Mike, Maddie and Annie continue to be in my thoughts and prayers every day.
Hard to believe it’s almost 5 years since you were here on our deck the morning after Lisa and Matt’s Wedding. You and Mike have had such a challenging journey since then. Your love for each other continues to shine through the tough times and good times. Love you both.
Rachel R. says:
I have Factor V, which is also a genetic clotting disorder, and after two early stage miscarriages I was put on baby aspirin and injections of low dose Heparin while trying to conceive. Thankfully I had two normal pregnancies (if you include daily injections in the realm of normal, which I do for me) and I now have an almost two year old and a four month old. I guess I am wondering why your doctors are wanting you to wait to start the blood thinner until after you’re pregnant? I was only on 40 mg of Heparin a day… maybe you’ll be on more? I was told to do the injections while we were trying and then if I didn’t get a positive pregnancy test I stopped until after my cycle. Then I’d start again when we were trying again. When I got a positive pregnancy test I continued the injections for the entire pregnancy (and 6 weeks after delivery… that was a shitty surprise the first go round for me let me tell you). I’m not familiar with the specifics of your issue or the reasons behind having you wait to do the injections after you are pregnant… but maybe ask more about that? (You likely already have, so feel free to roll your eyes here and ignore me Starting the injections prior to getting pregnant might be a bit risky (for you), but it also might increase the chances of the next pregnancy.
Hang in there. It’ll happen. I’m praying it does.
I’m a long time lurker, but first time poster.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Today, I saw my OB for an annual appointment and they were doing a study on anti-phosphlipid A.S. and I willingly participated today simply because of your blog. I know my blood sample won’t do much to help your cause, but I hope in some small way it’ll make a difference.
You are such an amazing woman.
So glad things are looking up for you.
I am so sorry that you all are going through this at but I am glad about the levels on your blood test. Having a plan has always helped me so I am glad that it sounds like you all have a good one. Take care. xo
Heather, I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Unfortunately a lot of women with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome do have miscarriages, however, a number of them also have successful pregnancies! Take it easy while you continue to heal and take care of yourself. If you ever need support for APS or additional information feel free to contact me. My husband also has APS. Take care!
So glad to hear you’re feeling better. Having just gone through a D&C myself I can’t even imagine the stress of possibly having to do it again right away.
I’m so sad to hear about your loss. Wishing you peace and healing now.
I’m glad you are able to start physically recovering Heather and wish you all the luck in the world as you start the next chapter.