I’m in the part of pregnancy where (for me) I don’t get as many ultrasounds. I don’t think I’ll be scheduled for another one for at least a month, unless Dr. Risky wants to check me for something. I hate this part of pregnancy. I don’t feel any better, I’m not getting ultrasounds, and it’s too soon to feel the baby move. So I just have to trust that everything is going okay, and of course I have no reason to think it isn’t, except for, you know, history.
I’d forgotten how on-edge you are during pregnancy. I’ve done this before, I should know the difference between a cramp and ligament pain, but it still makes me pause. Is this headache normal? Is this weird off and on throbbing in my lower abdomen normal? Is it normal that every time I sneeze it feels like I’m being stabbed in the uterus? I can’t remember these things happening last time, or the time before. Well, I remember the sneezing thing, but it’s still weird.
I’m still doing my best to stay positive, but if I’m honest I’m also a bit detached. I know that will change once I can feel the baby moving. And I definitely know that will change once we find out if the baby is a boy or a girl. It will all feel more tangible at that point. But try as I might to be easy-breezy, my guard is still up a bit.
Yesterday was the due date for the pregnancy I miscarried earlier this year. I’d forgotten until I saw it marked on my calendar. I was a little sad thinking about how we’d have a two-week-old (or older) at home for Christmas. I was also wistful when I realized my hyperemesis would be over (also realized I would have had the pregnancy in one calendar year, so only one yearly deductible to meet DAMN IT). But it helps, a lot, to have this growing hope that we’ll have a baby home next Christmas. I do let myself think about what stocking I’ll hang for the Acrobat, or how cute s/he and Annabel will be sitting under the tree. You know I won’t be able to resist dressing them matchy-matchy. It’s a sickness and I am already infected.
It’s a big step that I’m already picturing a baby at the end of this…I don’t think I got to that point until I was at least 34 weeks pregnant with Annie. So maybe my guard isn’t as high as I thought.
But maybe I can convince Dr. Risky to give me an ultrasound sooner rather than later…you know, as a Christmas present.
I’m not as big as last time (and I’m further along than this pic)…not gonna worry, not gonna worry…
Becca Masters says:
I’ve been waiting for these photos to start! Can’t wait to see them continue. Wishing and hoping you have a healthy and happy pregnancy and that your HG starts to go away really soon!
Kayla says:
Yeah, I’m with the above poster – I’ve been anxiously awaiting the start of these photos! Yay!!
And I’m sure you probably know this, but being smaller than other pregnancies doesn’t mean anything; every pregnancy is completely unique and different. That being said, after everything you’ve been through, if another ultrasound would set you at ease I think it’s worth advocating for with Dr. Risky.
Also, don’t worry about not feeling 100% “there” right now with this pregnancy – you’re dealing with a lot at the moment and without a doubt, The Acrobat knows how much you love her/him.
Nicole says:
You didn’t have HG with Annie right? Maybe you look smaller because you’ve lost weight instead of gained so far this pregnancy? I think you look great! Can’t wait to see the progressive pics and the baby at the end of them
Annalisa says:
My understanding is that she had HG throughout other pregnancies, but this time around it’s worse than before. Do correct me if I’m wrong, Heather.
That said, every pregnancy is different, and not feeling the Acrobat yet shouldn’t be worrisome, either. I couldn’t really feel the ninja moving until nearly the end of my second trimester, in spite of her being super hyper at ultrasounds. I’d freak out more about it with every passing week after clearing 18 weeks. Turns out that the ninja was just small and dainty, and lots of amniotic fluid helped to muffle the movement. She more than made up for it later when she ran out of room, let me tell you.
Sara says:
This is my first pregnancy, but I have the sneezing causes stomach pain too. I just attributed it to the fact that the constant throwing up and gagging has tired out my stomach muscles and they hurt. While it’s still weird, I like knowing I’m not the only one. Hope you feel better soon.
Abby Leviss says:
Hi Heather – My OB gave me a ultrasound every week – didn’t charge me or my insurance for it, just did it. I know you are most comfortable with your doctors and Risky sounds wonderful but I figured I would throw it out there. I live in LA and he did it with both babies. He gave me ultrasounds with every appointment I had with Max, when I was a blissfully ignorant mom that wasn’t even really worried if my baby would be ok, just wanted to see what he looked like. And he saw me every two week for the first two trimesters and every week of my third with ultrasounds every appointment during my pregnancy with Mo, when I was a complete nervous and grieving wreck. If you ever want to think about switch (maybe it’s too late?), let me know and I will give you his info. He is extremely well known and compassionate and has a huge LA following. I just love him. Regardless, I am glad you are doing better emotionally this time and making more progress every week.
Steph says:
You can always pay & go to one of those elective ultrasound places! We did that once & I considered going alot more! You can also rent a fetal Doppler so you can hear Acrobat’s heartbeat daily!
Sending positive vibes to you!
P.S. if you’re up to it or mike wants to, in woodland hills there are several streets of Xmas lights called candy cane lane!
Terra says:
I was just going to say this…go to one of those ultrasound places you went to before!
Kristen McD says:
You look good! Try not to stress too much about the size of your stomach. My last baby never looked very big from the outside. Midwives all predicted 6lbs. Even in labor – they said “oh, he’s a little guy”. Um. 9lb 10oz. So there. They fit in every nook and cranny.
So MAYBE stress a little bit about the size of your stomach… lol
Bria says:
I’m pregnant for the second time and my bump seems smaller too but my midwife says all is OK…and I’m sure all is OK for you too.
Bria says:
Weird…my comment has disappeared and another person’s info showed up in the name and email boxes….very strange. A bug maybe?
Editdebs (Debbie A-H) says:
Sending so much love and good thoughts your way.
Kim says:
Oh girl, I SO understand this. I have felt really detached from this pregnancy. I am always so excited, and this time I am just not. I am also not sick at all which is weird and has me worried. I know you’d trade me for not being sick, I always thought I’d love it – but it worries me.
We are both going to come out with beautiful babies at the end of this. We will, we will, we will.
Elizabeth says:
Hi, Heather- Congrats on the bebe! Hey, is something up with your RSS feed? I’m not getting any updates, and I tried loading it again, and it gives me an error message.
lauren says:
I’m 15 weeks into my first pregnancy and I can’t get over how stressful EVERYTHING is. I didn’t get up to pee 87 times last night? Something’s wrong! I don’t feel sick? Something’s wrong! I can’t imagine how these thoughts compound when you have a history like yours. As for carrying different… I have seen plenty of healthy pregnancies that look nothing like the ones before and after so just try to breathe. The whole waiting nine month thing to find out if everything worked is a cruel joke!
Kenna says:
For what it’s worth at putting your mind at ease, I was barely showing with #3 at 7.5 months. Met a friend for lunch and she said “I thought you were 7.5 months pregnant?” and I said “I AM!”. Stinker ended up being half a pound heaver than #1 and a full pound heavier than #2 and 3 weeks earlier than either of them. I guess I just carried him differently….. or maybe it was a boy thing, I dunno.
I was also fortunate to have a doc who did ultrasounds every visit “because they are fun to see!” with #3. Necessary? No, but I sure did look forward to seeing him. Best one however was the day before he was born (scheduled c-section) where the staff said I HAD to come in and the doc asked my why I was there. She asked if I wanted to really SEE him and proceeded to get some of the most amazing 3-d u/s pics. Was really awesome to compare to him when I was holding him the very next day!
TracyKM says:
Every visit?! That’s a lot! I’ve had ultrasounds on my neck, and you can actually hear the high pitched noise the wand makes. I’ve heard that it’s worse for baby since there’s all the fluid, and there are some ultrasound pictures/videos that look like the baby is trying to move away from the wand. I’ve also heard that too many ultrasounds can cause complications later on, maybe it was hearing issues, I don’t really remember. I do remember my daughter “not passing” the hearing test at the hospital and thinking about all the extra ultrasounds I had had that time, but she turned out fine
OBs here in Canada don’t even do ultrasounds, you have to go to an ultrasound clinic where they’re done by techs, so they can’t tell you anything. Sort of sucks, since it can take a week or more to get in for a routine ultrasound. We’re lucky if we get three during the 6 months of care.
Heather says:
It’s not dangerous for the baby.
Kenna says:
I was more concerned about the x-ray I had at about 8 months when I broke my ankle. My OB was fine with all of it (u/s and x-ray) and I trusted her decision.
He is quite fine and dandy at 7 years old, although he talks incessantly…..
Interestingly enough (ironically??), his older sister has hearing issues… and I had exactly one ultrasound with her.
Heather says:
YES! I was stressed about my x-ray and MRI that I had when I was pregnant with Annie (when they thought I had a blood clot). But my OB and the ER docs all discussed it and I trusted them as well!
Jaime says:
I was gonna say the same, being Canadian, if under 25 and normal pregnancy we get 1 single ultrasound at 20 weeks. Being high risk, I had a few more with my daughter, I had 3 in the first 35 weeks and then 1 a week from weeks 36-38 for Non Stress Tests. I do not think they are dangerous to babies at all…but I don’t doubt at all that they are not super pleasent for babies. I think it’s a catch 22…We can only do what we think is best.
Stefanie says:
You look fabulous! I remember feeling very detached during my pregnancy with my daughter. In fact, so much of my pregnancy with her and my pregnancy with my son were night and day different. The pain you talk about sounds like adhesions. I’m not a doctor, just someone who had them pretty bad before. I could barely walk from my desk to my door at work without doubling over in pain. My doctor said the only cure for them was to give birth, which sucked.
You’re doing great. So proud of you and thankful that I get to walk with you through this journey.
Courtney says:
If I were you, I would definitely ask Dr. Risky for an ultrasound as a special Christmas present Hopefully it will set your mind at ease a bit to enjoy the holidays! When do you guy get to find out if it’s a boy or girl?!
mel says:
Love it! Sending healthy baby vibes. Every pregnancy is different and I think you look great
Lisa F. says:
I know you’re going to worry no matter what anyone says (If I were in your position, I would worry, too, no matter what), but there are two things to consider:
1) Have you been more sick this time than the last pregnancy? Every pregnancy is different, and if you’ve lost a lot of weight because of being sick, that would affect how much you’re showing. (I kind of pulled this out of my butt — I’ve never had a baby, but friends who have say things like this, lol.)
2) My guess is you’re carrying lower than you were in the pic you took of you being pregnant with Annie — because I’m predicting you’re going to have a boy!
Hang in there, you have lots of stranger-friends supporting you!
Melissa Miller says:
Thinking of you guys (in a not-creepy way…is it creepier that I told you it wasn’t creepy??? Argh, internets!). Anyway, Merry Christmas to you and yours, wishing you peace and happiness and lots of love!
Amanda says:
Would it be awkward if I just gushed, ” I love you and am wishing for the best for you”? Cause that’s totally how I feel.
Diana says:
You look great! Congrats on your pregnancy and Merry Christmas to you all!
Karen says:
*hugs* my due date is this Friday from my may miscarriage. It has popped up in my thoughts a lot. Since we’ve had a seriously whirlwind month around here (new job for my husband, cross-country move!) I can at least tell myself that it all would have been much harder at 8 months pregnant, but that doesn’t help a lot.
Mommy says:
I know no matter what we all say you will worry a tiny but. .. But we are going to say it anyway!! Try not to worry!!! You are in great hands!!!!
Also, boy baby bumps seem to look smaller until the third trimester in my experience so I think the acrobat is a boy!
Lastly, if it will put your mind at ease maybe you could rent one of those stork radios where you can hear the baby’s heartbeat whenever you want? I did it and it made me feel so much better! Plus older brother got to put on his doctor dress-up stuff and “check” the baby for me!
Katrina says:
Heather, I know what you mean. This time around I rented a Doppler. I can listen to the little bugger whenever I want reassurance (until I feel movement). I try to limit my Doppler use to once a week, and only for 30 seconds per time. I’m 17 weeks this week, so I do feel the occasional “thump” every now and then, but I’m still not feeling regular movement that will set my mind at east. By the way, the blood test revealed a normal chromosome count and…. it’s a BOY! That makes 5 and 5 for us
(If my first miscarriage had made it, that little one would be two years old this year on Christmas. Every Christmas I will think of that little one and know how old he or she would have been. It does make it easier having another little one on the way.)
Lisa says:
You look great! And you have been so sick, so that is prob why you are not as big as last time. And because it is a boy. My Dr had an ultra sound machine in his office, so I got to see my baby like 8 times. And he didn’t bill insurance (of course). He’s just awesome! Plus he sends all of his patients no matter your age to a perinatologist, so I had the special scans & tests as well. Hardly any my friends had more than 2 ultrasounds b/c that is all most insurance companies pay for. Which is crazy!! I would have lost my mind. Thank god that I had the best doctor, he was so careful about everything. Not sure why others didn’t have the same experience as I did, I know I got lucky as I was not high risk or anything. Maybe you can go and get a 3D ultrasound that you pay for.
I think they have gotten less expensive, and some schools offer them for free I have been told. Good luck to you!
Valerie says:
Wishing you and your beautiful bump much love, peace, and LOTS of holiday cheer!!
Much love from Ohiooooooooo!
Valerie
Danielle says:
Thinking positive is the best way to go. We just found out we’re pregnant (been trying since April) and the ultrasound showed two babies. So twins. I’m having a hard time letting myself get excited because I know there are so many things that can happen or go wrong. It’s great that you have such a strong support system. I am looking forward to following along with your pregnancy!!
Debby Pucci says:
I am so happy for all of you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love your belly shot. ((HUGS)) Have a very Merry Christmas!!!
Tara says:
You look adorable and I know how you feel. I’m 17 weeks into my 3rd pregnancy, after losing a baby, and ugh it is tough trying to keep anxiety at bay. I can’t wait until you feel the baby move, know if you’re having a boy or a girl, and can hopefully feel a lot better!
((HUGS))
Molly says:
This must be such a stressful time to get through. Just take it one day at a time. Man, what unimaginable happiness is going to be on the other side of all this!!
KeraLinnea says:
Ugh, I remember those u/s deserts. I hated that…I’m a tiny bit of a control freak, and if you can think of a situation where you have less control over the outcome than pregnancy, let me know. I hope your HG lets up, and I hope the Acrobat starts busting some feelable moves soon. Thinking of you and yours, and wishing the very very best for you!
Andrea says:
Another vote for renting a doppler. It might give you piece of mind, especially before you can feel the kicks.
You look great!
Linn says:
No offense, but I’ve known people who were barely showing at your stage (no, I wasn’t one of them!). You look quite second trimester, and unfortunately the constant barfing has probably strengthened your stomach muscles as well as kept your “cushion” smaller. I know you’ve been through a lot, but I wouldn’t worry.
Nancy says:
You look great.
Karen says:
An at home Doppler is a two edged sword; reassuring when you can find the heartbeat but absolutely terrifying if you can’t. That being said, I have one I can lend you if you want. I’m in Northern CA (Sacramento area). We can become friends on FB so you can see I’m not a weirdo
Michelle says:
You might want to get a home Doppler. I have the sonoline and I love it! You can hear heart beat at about 12 weeks. I think it was about $30 on amazon.
TracyKM says:
Don’t you secretly hate those women that feel movement at 12 weeks?! I miscarried at 13 weeks and I can’t imagine having felt movement. For my first, I think it was 21 weeks, and just a week or two before that with my next two. All depends on where the placenta is compared to where baby kicks
I’m surprised at the number of people who get such frequent ultrasounds. Wasn’t there a study done that showed possible consequences, something like hearing issues? I know the sound waves are really annoying when I get it on my neck.
Heather says:
I’ve never heard of anyone feelin a baby that early!
And my two high-risk doctors say ultrasounds pose no risks to the baby. You would need hours of ultrasounds every day for there to be any risk.
TracyKM says:
http://rixarixa.blogspot.ca/2012/10/first-prental-visit.html
I’ve had other mothers in my online groups who also say they felt movement by 14 weeks.
From http://www.nursingcenter.com/prodev/ce_article.asp?tid=704725
“In the early 1980s, the
National Institutes of Health (NIH, 1984) convened an expert panel to determine possible safety concerns related to exposure to ultrasound technology. This panel recommended against the routine use of prenatal scanning (embryonic and fetal), suggesting that although there are no known hazards, caution should be exercised regarding developing organisms. In June 1988, a subsequent professional group was convened by the NIH to start a 3-year process to develop standards for operation at higher levels of exposure to increase diagnostic capabilities. One result was the “output display standard,” which gives the operators information about possible temperature increases (thermal index) and mechanical damage (mechanical index) to use in clinical decision-making (AIUM, 1992). Findings from these groups resulted in the principle of exposure to ultrasound called ALARA (As Low As Reasonably Achievable), which is the current industry standard. This standard implies a level of knowledge about upper (or dangerous) levels of exposure and the effect on living tissue that may or may not be present in clinics and commercial venues.
The lack of scientific knowledge about the safety of multiple ultrasounds in pregnancy stands in stark contrast to the fact that women consistently express the desire to know their babies before they are born. Ultrasound has given them that opportunity.
”
It mentions that a fetus should not have more than 20 minutes of ultrasound, maximum.
It goes on to list four recent studies that have shown possible health implications of frequent ultrasounds (if you count boys who are left handed as a “health” implication, LOL). One of the studies indicated that women who had 5 ultrasounds were more likely to have babies with IUGR, compared to women who had only one. It seems that the general consesus is that experts just don’t know if there is risk, or not. And of course, we all define risk differently and have different tolerance levels and what I think of as risky, might be perfectly fine for you
Heather says:
Again, my doctors, who are the medical experts, have repeated stressed that there is no risk to the baby to have ultrasounds. Ultrasound machines are very different than when these studies were conducted 20-30 years ago.
I have to say that I think it’s a bit insensitive to post this here, especially in response to another woman who was sharing her story of a high-risk and high-anxiety pregnancy. Of course we all would have ultrasounds attached to our bellies 24/7 if we could, but a lot of the women here are sharing their experiences with their high-risk pregnancies and do NOT need something else to stress about, or feel guilty for.
Annalisa says:
If it helps, I’ll tell you what a genetic counselor told me about getting an amnio when I was freaking out about amino induced miscarriages (it really helped): “Yes there is a small risk of things going wrong if you do this. But if you don’t, I can tell you’ll be very stressed out with worry the whole entire pregnancy, and that will 100% affect your child. So it’s your choice, really, but a little risk is worth the piece of mind here, don’t you think?”
TracyKM says:
This is why I said that my risks are not your risks
You didn’t read the report, did you? The four studies mentioned are as recent as 2005, which concluded with “Although no untoward effects were noted, this finding underscores our current lack of understanding about this common practice in obstetrics. Fatemi et al. (2005) also stated that ultrasound can no longer be viewed as a passive procedure.”
Doctors should not be telling you there’s “no” risk with u/s. They just don’t know if there are risks. That’s different. But for most women, it appears the risks are worth it due to other circumstances. My point was that u/s should not be used for “fun” to “just see” the baby every week. You’re in a totally different boat and I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear
Auntie_M says:
Love the picture!!
Don’t worry about size: each baby is different. That being said: you totally have the look of someone carrying a boy! Low & centered!
And you are absolutely right in asking people to NOT post their negative opinions on your excellent doctor’s care of you and your baby! My sis did not have a high risk pregnancy but her OB happened to specialize in them. She did an ultra sound with every appointment. Especially after my sis got gestational diabetes (and then kicked its butt!). With each weekly stress test she had an ultra sound and my niece would turn toward the light and our voices during them. Super cute! Love having those videos!
And if you feel better asking for an extra U.S. for your peace of mind, do it!
Keeping you and your acrobat in my thoughts and prayers daily!
Jessica says:
I was a nervous wreck with my pregnancy after we lost our daughter. The only thing that kept me sane was a doppler. I know so many say not to get one but it truly saved my sanity to be able to hear his heartbeat during that long phase with no ultrasounds. Hope these days pass quickly.
Leslie K says:
Let me preface this by saying that he suffered NO damage whatsoever…
When I was pregnant with Grayson following 6 miscarriages between him and his older brother, I would lie flat on my belly on the floor to feel him move before he was big enough for me to feel him otherwise. Worked like a charm to ease my worried mind. Try it!
staci says:
you look hot! hopefully you start feeling the same soon.
Meg says:
Maybe this one is a boy? I am tiny with this little guy compared to where I was with my daughter. So that is my professional medical opinion. You know, when I play a doctor on the internet.
Mommy says:
Agreed! It looks like a boy! My friend and I had the same due date and she was having a girl while I was pregnant with a boy. We took tons of belly pics together and her bump was always bigger! I started to get a complex that my baby was going to be underweight. (Good one, he was almost 9 pounds!). Moral of the story, every pregnancy so different, everyone carries different, and it does seem like boy bellies seem smaller for the first two trimesters. At least in my “expert” opinion!
You are in great hands. Please let the doctors do the worrying for you. That’s why they get paid the big bucks.
xoxo
Lori says:
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I also had a preemie (25wks)She’s doing awesome! 24 wk twins that died, and 2 subsequent pregnancies that were hellish but turned out fine. 6 months of bedrest each time, Lovenox shots, gestantional diabetes, low amniotic fluid so I definately feel your worry. Ask the dr.s for a quick US, I had one each week, then everyday in the hospital. They made such a difference to my mental wellbeing. I think about you often and LOVE hearing about adorable little Annie.
Paula says:
I, like many of the posters, rented a Doppler. I had quite a few ultrasounds cos of my age and two previous pregnancies that didn’t end well. There were days that Doppler saved my sanity.
Am wishing you well, and I hope the sickness eases for you very soon. Am a teeny bit jealous of you having a lovely wee baby in your arms – but jealous in a good way if that makes sense!
karen says:
Youre forgetting all that hard work you were putting in at the gym before Acrobat invaded! And that having HG and running around with a toddler will help to keep you slimmer.
Every pregnancy is different, if only because your life is different with every pregnancy.
Relax, as youve already said, what will be will be. And relaxing WILL help the bump grow!
Auntie_M says:
Love the picture!!
Don’t worry about size: each baby is different. That being said: you totally have the look of someone carrying a boy! Low & centered!
And you are absolutely right in asking people to NOT post their negative opinions on your excellent doctor’s care of you and your baby! My sis did not have a high risk pregnancy but her OB happened to specialize in them. She did an ultra sound with every appointment. Especially after my sis got gestational diabetes (and then kicked its butt!). With each weekly stress test she had an ultra sound and my niece would turn toward the light and our voices during them. Super cute! Love having those videos!
And if you feel better asking for an extra U.S. for your peace of mind, do it!
Keeping you and your acrobat in my thoughts and prayers daily!
Carli Wiese says:
The doctor I went to during pregnancy did ultrasounds at every appointment which was usualy every week throughout my pregnancy! It sure helped ease worries!
Helene h. says:
My first started coming at 20 weeks and showed up at 32 weeks (8 weeks early). With my second I got an ultrasound every week from the beginning to measure my cervix and I got to see the baby also. Every week until 37 weeks. Guess what? My daughter is a 14 month old bundle of intelligence and she is excelling at everything- otherwise just perfect!. I never worried because it wouldnt be done if it was unsafe- my perinatologist is high up in the washington DC area and would never put my baby in jeopardy!!!. Heather, I see no reason not to ask to see the baby if you are ever worried. We pay these doctors to take care of us- without us they would not have a job! I also would not worry about not showing so much- ever see that show ,”I Didn’t Know I was pregnant?” Some of those ladies were huge in a previous pregnancy and never showed in the next!! Lol PS- don’t get a Doppler- it will make you worry unnecessarily…