I spent the weekend with women who have definite goals. Long lists of thing that they want to accomplish in their lives.
I was never really certain about the point of a life list (or as some call them, bucket lists). It seemed a bit like a life-long new year’s resolution that followed you around forever with the potential to make you feel like a failure.
As I listened to these amazingly accomplished women, I reevaluated the things I wanted to do in my life. More specifically, the order. Sure, I still DO want to prank call the vice president, or find out who Billy Jean’s baby daddy really was. But I have some goals that I have set for myself that I want to complete in the next 365 days.
For those of you who don’t know, Friends of Maddie is the charity we started in honor of Madeline. There is a new thing we are going to start offering this year – grants. We want to start giving grants to families with babies in the NICU to help with the insane expenses that come with having a child in the hospital. That grant can be used for anything – buying groceries, paying for hospital parking, gasoline, whatever they need cash for – and they don’t have to pay us back. My first goal for this year is to help at least five NICU families with grants. As soon as we are set up to start accepting applications and nominations, I will let you all know. But that is something that is VERY important to us, and we hope to be able to roll it out ASAP.
The other thing I want to do – something that I hadn’t even told anyone until yesterday – is start a college scholarship for former NICU babies. I want it to be Maddie’s Scholarship – the money we would have used to pay for her college can instead go on to help pay for her peers to go and learn and hopefully figure out an end to prematurity. But, I have Noooooo Idea how to go about doing this. So if you’re a scholarship guru give me a holler.
If I don’t accomplish anything else in my life (other than raising happy children) I will be happy. It’s so important to me to give to others in Madeline’s name. To know Maddie made a difference in the lives of six families would be indescribable.
I’m refocused. We’re gonna make this happen.
{ 75 comments… read them below or add one }
Maddie’s already made a difference in so many people’s life. This will just further her legacy.
And that’s a pretty damn good bucket list. Especially better than mine (meet the President, escape from quicksand, marry Taylor Hanson.)
So excited about the scholarship thing and about the NICU grant thing. Don’t know much about setting up either just applying for them
. Good for you!
I think those are amazing ideas! What a wonderful way to honor your daughter and help others
Katrina´s last [type] ..Face Lift
Maddie and her story have influenced so many people…
Your bucket list is the mother of all bucket lists from now on… :0)))
catherine Lucas´s last [type] ..Birds of Prey in my viewfinder
This entry, like so many on your site, made me cry at my desk (embarrassing) – but this time they were real tears of happiness. I’m so excited for the future of your and Madeline’s projects. I’m going to go donate to FOM right away!
Great plan! I particularly like the scholarship idea. Of course I’m of no practical help at all but I’m a good cheerleader!
Lisa´s last [type] ..When the Cats Away
“To know Maddie made a difference in the lives of six families would be indescribable.”
Mark my words Heather, Maddie has ALREADY made a difference in a hell of a lot more families than just 6 families. To even know of Maddie, is to love her. To look at her pictures, hear her stories and especially, to watch her innocence in the videos brings one down to their knees in utter despair of her loss. I know for me, when I go to my infusions every 6 weeks, as they continually poke me with the needle in hopes of catching an usable vein, I think of all Maddie went through and I find more strength. She has touched ALL of our worlds, hearts and souls. As have you and Mike (and Rigby, your parents, etc)!!
I think your goals are amazing and I will do anything and everything to help you accomplish them, especially if Maddie’s Friends ever go International (or of course if we do move to Long Beach). I know Maddie is as proud of you as we are…..and Sweetie, that’s a whole LOT of PROUD!!!
With Love, Admiration & Friendship,
Jenn
A great plan! & I was excited to see that “Friends of Maddie” has the whole tax-deductible thing going now (it has been a while since I looked).
What a wonderful idea in honor of Maddie! When we were in the NICU for 15 weeks, I remember looking for programs that could help us get by or like you said, even pay for our monthly hospital parking! The only thing I ever found was a local program that helped with one mortgage payment while your baby was in the hospital. Emphasis mortgage payment. It was frustrating because people have babies in the NICU who are renters just as much as home owners. So, that is just wonderful that your idea would not have restrictions to it! You are going to make such a huge difference to those families!
I think those are fantastic ways to honor Maddie!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last [type] ..I’m in love with a jailbird
You are such amazing people. I love how you honor Maddie and all the other premature children with your personal strength and courage and generosity.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last [type] ..Sometimes he’s just such a boy
I’m not an expert in charities or scholarship administration, but I do know that these things can get complicated quite quickly, and that administrative costs can quickly eat up a large portion of a charity / scholarship’s value.
In light of this, what I’d suggest for a scholarship is that perhaps it could be limited or focused; e.g., to a particular university or two — if only because universities already have people they pay to administer endowments, and would be more than happy to look after and dispense the money on behalf of Friends of Maddie. All you have to do is set out the terms of reference. So, you could always pick the university associated with Maddie’s hospital, or your alma mater, or a similar place, and that would ensure the bulk of the money would go to the student.
As for ‘bucket lists,’ a life-long list of goals is great for some people, but for others simply moving forward is a better personality fit. I’m one of these people who has just set a trajectory and kept going, without worrying too much about making too many detailed plans years in advance. It’s my view (and experience) that as long as one moves well along a particular path, one will become at least as accomplished as people who fixate on particular (usually material) goals.
I love this idea… I love you for thinking of it. Maddie is missed and never forgotten.
Wouldn’t it be also an option to offer grants or scholarship to NICU Nurses who want to do some extra training or so?
One of the easiest ways to set up a scholarship is to contact a local school and talk to them about naming one of their smaller scholarships in honor of Maddie, and that your foundation will be adding to that base money price so that the scholarship can continue to grow and even multiply. There are many schools out there that have scholarship money that isn’t from any particular person or named or anything, it just comes from the schools general funds. Pick a local college and start talking with the department of financial aid, as well as the university dean; they should get you started on the right track.
Miche@CoordinatedChaos´s last [type] ..Moon Dough
This focus will make you stronger, and make a difference for others . Your love for your Maddie is forever. Your Annie is the best! Be well.
I’m a senior in college now and what I’d do if I were you would be to contact a few colleges local colleges and high schools along with hospitals with big NICUs and try to go from there. I know that my college’s financial aid office deals with stuff like this and it’s a small school (1400 undergrads) Just try by making a few phone calls, it wouldn’t hurt. It would also be smart to research some of the scholarships available to high school and college students right now that are set up through smaller organizations (contact one of the local school’s guidance offices) then contact the organization and find out what they do to set up the scholarship. It wouldn’t hurt to check out http://www.collegeboard.com and do a search for scholarships there too. I hope that this helps!
Hi Heather! I work in Development for a college, so I can probably help you with the scholarship information, or be able to connect you with someone who can. You can e-mail me at margoith(at)gmail(dot)com.
PERFECT!
And I agree with the others–Maddie has already made a difference in many, many lives. I think your plans are wonderful.
Jen L.´s last [type] ..Comfort Food Saturday- Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
I love it! I think a scholarship is a fabulous idea and would mean so much to that family. You’re amazing, Heather. Keep doing what you’re doing.
What a wonderful idea! It’s so wonderful to have concrete goals and something specific to focus all of our energies on. I know that you will make this happen!
(((hugs)))
Deborah´s last [type] ..A Little Bit of This- A Little Bit of That
Hi Heather,
I work for Development at the University of Houston. First select the college where you want to establish the scholarship and contact their office of University Advancement. If you have $25,000 raised (that’s how much it is at UH anyway), you can set up an endowment, which gives scholarships based on the interest so you can give them year after year rather than a one-time scholarship. I think that would be your best bet to keep Maddie’s legacy living on through a scholarship. Feel free to contact me anytime for more information! Good luck!
Hi Heather, I’m not sure you really realize how many lives Maddie has already touched. I think about her all the time. Anyway, my suggestion for the scholarship would be to think about where she might have gone to school – either high school or college. And then talk to them about setting up the scholarship, you can set up the requirements for qualifying as you wish – spent time in NICU at birth (or maybe has a sibling who did?) and wants to study in a medical field. I know it’s way to early to think about what Annie wants to be (other than the movie star she is today of course) but someone like Annie might want to study medicine in honor of her sister, so no other little girl loses a sister as a result of prematurity. I think Annie has fabulous bedside manner nailed, don’t you? Although she may be more of an arty girl than a science girl, but who knows, maybe she’s both. If you chose a big school like UCLA there would likely be a number of people in every class who met your criteria. A small high school, maybe not. It is a fabulous idea!
What wonderful ways to continue honoring Madeline’s legacy! She’s already touched so many people through the innernets, to have her legacy help NICU families and future college graduates is so sweet!! Keep us in the loop about what’s going on – I’d LOVE to do anything I could to help!!
Re: college scholarships, start with a 501(c)(3) grant. You can find it on the internet, check the Fed Govt’s website, and it takes about an hour to set up. We set up a college scholarship in my grandmother’s memory after she passed away in February. Send me an email (nikki.roberson@gmail.com) if you need more exact information.
Can’t wait to see Maddie make an impact on more people. What a TRULY special little girl and family!!
XOXO from GA,
Nikki
That is an inspiring bucket list. I’m so excited for the grants that Friends of Maddie is going to start giving away, amazing. And, the scholarships, what a fantastic idea.
Love and hugs. You inspire me, thank you.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Maya- at Almost 3
The work that your family and friends are doing in honor of Maddie’s life is amazing. I think you’re such a strong woman, it would be so easy to just give in to the grief and let nothing good from your loss but you are truly making a difference in the world-not something everyone can say! I can honestly say you inspire me to try & perform more random acts of kindness, give to more charities and generally try to be a more compassionate person, so thank you for your always eloquent words.
Such an amazing way to honor Maddie.
Heather, please know that Maddie touches and changes thousands of families everyday. When I kids are rotten and I am having a horrible day and want to run away, I think of Maddie and remember to be thankful.You are incredible for have the strength to create FOM and to do even more is awe inspiring.
Hi there, what a wonderful idea and it’s great to have goals when you’re feeling low. I’ve been reading your blog for ages and just want to say that, with respect, I have no kids nor any interest in having any, so ordinarily a blog like this wouldn’t interest me. But you write so beautifully I cant help but be involved and care about your little family. Keep up the amazing work!
wallspank´s last [type] ..As promised its giveaway time!
These are beautiful and honorable additions to your list. I’ve been thinking about making one, but I hate to set it and then feel like I have to do it- I am constantly changing my mind and some things that meant a whole lot to me a year ago mean nothing now, because my heart has thought of something else, or better. But yeah- there are certain things that you know that you know… that you know are what you’re meant to do. Especially if it will help others.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing´s last [type] ..For a minute there
You will make these things happen, I am certain of it! I wish I knew anything about creating a scholarship, but I’m afraid I don’t. What a wonderful idea though!!
Hi Heather. I work at a University (albeit in Illinois). The scholarship idea is a great one! I know that you are still in the idea stages of that one, but have you considered if you want the scholarship to be offered at a single university (maybe your alma mater) or do you want it to be available for anyone across the country. If you want to set it up at a single university, you can just contact their development office and start the process. If you want it to just be a scholarship from your organization, you could just start an application process (I applied for a lot of private grants/scholarships before college). Most of them had an application and an essay (you would probably also require some sort of documentation of their time in the NICU). I also had to participate in interviews with a panel of “judges” for a lot of them. Once I was selected for one, the non-profit or business would sent payment directly to my university to pay part of my tuition. I’m happy to provide you with more information or to put you in touch with someone that might be able to answer more questions for you. You can reach me at mking(at)siue(dot)edu
Michelle´s last [type] ..Day 9- A Photo You Took
Heather I think that is a great idea!! I too would like to help if possible. A very small group of ladies I know are making baby quilts to donate to area children’s hospitals for kids that need a little pick-me-up or to the tiniest sick babies in NICU. If you would like, we’d love to help in donating a quilt to each of the families that receive your grants. Please let me know if you will allow us to help! And of course they would all have a bit of purple somewhere on the quilt to help pass on Maddie’s legacy! Thanks!
Jennifer
purpleheartorijennals(at)yahoo(dot)com
I agree with the above comments that Maddie has touched so many lives already!
Both of your ideas are incredible!!! Good for you for making them happen in the next 365 days!
Maddie has changed the world and will continue to make an amazing difference through you.
Those sound like great things. I wish I had scholarship info I would so love to help. But I also want you to know Maddie made a difference in my life, I never knew her or even you for that matter. But your blog and everything about Maddie has made a huge difference in my life, your daughter(s) have touched so many people.
Those are some great goals!
What amazing things Maddie is still doing with her life! You must be so very proud of your beautiful girl.
Maddie was a USC girl all the way, so I think you should start out with scholarships to USC! Keep up the good work, Heather. You are really honoring Maddie and it’s beautiful to see.
Adrianne´s last [type] ..Circa 1990
In a word you are awesome!
Jodee´s last [type] ..Boo & Chicken
Heather, it is so sweet of you not only to put in the time and effort to help NICU families, but also to finance scholarships with what would have been Maddie’s college money. I know you have had a tough few weeks and it is just so incredible that you are coming out of that with such positive ideas and the strength to help others. If everyone were a little more like you, the world would be a better place. Seriously. I look forward to donating to Friends of Maddie in honor of Maddie’s birthday this year.
This is great news! You are doing awesome things to remember Maddie. Please keep up the good work, it’s very inspiring to hear about!
This is wonderful Heather! I admire your drive to give to others in the name of Maddie. You help so many people in so many ways.
I am so touched by this post. I have a set of twins that were in the NICU. Their stay was short in comparison to the 16-20 weeks I know many babies and families endure. I am now a NICU nurse and I know the ups and downs that families go through while their little miracles fight to live and grow. The financial strain is very real – we felt the pinch even though we were only dealing with it for 15 days. The gas, the food expense, the deductibles…
What a noble thing to do in Maddie’s name!
I already knew you guys were amazing…………now I know for sure you’re the absolute most amazing parents on this entire earth! Maddie is smiling in Heaven. God is smiling on all of you.
After everything you have lost you are so generous. You are a special family.
xx
What a seriously awesome thing to do. My second son was inexplicably born 5 and a half weeks early, and it was absolutely terrifying for our family when he was in the NICU as a newborn. Since then I have really begun researching premature birth and was stunned to find out how common it is, and yet, in our advanced society, we have no way to prevent it once labor has started. I think you are doing something so beautiful for both the families affected by prematurity, as well as for Maddie’s memory.
Mama in the Moon´s last [type] ..- -
If you have a specific college/university in mind, contact their development officers. They can get everything going and set up an endowed account or whatever is needed. If not, I have no idea.
Alicia´s last [type] ..Haircuts
This is so wonderful!! You and your family are amazing. You will bless so many people lives from your bucket list!
Usually you can also contact the local high school for help with setting up a scholarship. There is almost always one counselor that is the “go to” for scholarships.
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and don’t think I’ve ever commented. But I wanted to come out of the woodwork today and say that you are amazing, Heather. What a great way to honor your daughter.
Rebecca (Bearca)´s last [type] ..I cant believe Im posting this
Love, love, love these ideas. So awesome, and what a tribute to Maddie. Still changing the world, that one….
Those are such wonderful goals, and a beautiful way to honor precious Maddie.
Heather,
Both are wonderful ways to expand Maddie’s already wonderful legacy. Because of her, I hug my kids more. I give thanks more. I pray for other families more. Those things are HUGE.
Three of my babies have spend time in the NICU, both for about 5 days each. My daughter had WPW, a syndrome of the heart, and my son, a seizure at birth followed by a seizure disorder diagnoses, and the last little guy had an infection from meconium aspiration. While the stays were brief (felt like 1000 years at the time), they left us crippled with debt. We even had insurance, but still owe thousands for doctors fees, the copays for the hospital, medications, tests, and on and on. A grant to help with this sort of thing will mean the world to families, as I know you already know. God Bless you in all your endeavors! They are truly worthwhile, and needed! Megan
Megan Jeffery´s last [type] ..Just like my very own
when one of my best friend’s died, i helped his parents set up a scholarship at our university in his name. it was mostly them, but i did some of the contact work. some things to consider are if you want this to be a renewable scholarship, or a one time deal. if you want it to be for a specific university or if you want it to be for any school. we set his memorial scholarship up through the department (biology) at our university. people can win it multiple years, and it is renewed through private donors and department fundraisers. i am not sure of the amount his parents donated. you might want to start by talking to your alumni associations. even if you don’t want it to be through that school in particular, they will most likely be able to point you in the right direction.
sara´s last [type] ..The Challenge Has Been Accepted
I think those are two amazing goals to set for yourself. I love the Friends of Maddie charity that you and Mike started. My son was born 10 weeks premature in June of ’08. He was in the NICU for 5 weeks. He was our first.
I was terrified. We practically lived at the hospital and it was a stressful and turbulant time. One day when I arrived at Jackson’s incubator, there was a small gift waiting. A book, a few diapers, and a small stuffed toy. A local group from a church donated gifts to all the NICU babies. It brightened my day and made me feel like a normal parent with a new born instead of the situation we were in.
Today Jackson is 2 and thriving. Our time in the NICU was hard but we also met wonderful doctors and nurses who took the time to explain things to us. I will always remember the kindness of that church as well….which is why I have donated to Friends of Maddie in the past. It’s truly a wonderful charity you have set up to honor your sweet Madeline.
All my best to your beautiful family.
amy d´s last [type] ..Au Revoir Summer
I dream about Maddie all the time.
Wow, good for you! If anybody can make it happen, you can!
You’ve gotten some great scholarship advice. Follow your heart with how to proceed and you won’t go wrong. I love the idea of the grants to help with the insane expenses–no strings attached.
You are all kinds of awesomeness!
The scholarship for former NICU babies is an amazing idea. You’re amazing Heather!
Rebecca´s last [type] ..Oh My Lovies
I want to help…in anyway you need me. Put me to work. Seriously.
Love you.
The college scholarship is an amazing idea! Reading the words “NICU & College” made me cry. My daughter was born at 25 weeks and they threw so many warnings about development delays, neuro deficits etc that it almost seemed like having my daughter ever go to college, let alone make it through primary school, is just not realistic. Just the thought of there being a scholarship available for my daughter makes my heart happy. Thank you!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!
Maddie has made a difference in more than six families’ lives. I’m just happy that six MORE will be positively influenced by your golden-curly-haired, blue eyed baby girl.
Let me know if or how you want help.
<3 – c
you can add my family to the list of families that Maddie has made a difference in the lives of : )
What a great idea! My son only spent 8 days in the hospital for his birth defect, but it nearly killed us financially because we lived two hours away (by bus) and we had virtually nothing at the time.
Expat Mom´s last [type] ..Our New School Space
Heather,
When I read “Maddie Scholarship”, I started to cry. This will be an awesome tribute to your wonderfully beautiful daughter!
I know Friends of Maddie’s is going to affect so many families as well!
Good luck in all your present (and future) adventures to preserve Maddie’s memory!
Dawn @ What’s Around the Next Bend?´s last [type] ..How are THEY affected
Oh Heather,
Maddie has already made a difference in so many lives. When you’re ready for donations, just say the word and I’d be proud to contribute to such a worthy cause.
Keep yer’ chin up, Heather. You’re coming along just fine.
Angela
you are amazing
Nicu Grant Plan = AWESOME! While my daughter was at UCLA NICU for 11 weeks, and me 3 hrs from home never once returning home -things got hard, financially! Absolutely LOVE the idea Heather. Your such and awesome person and writer – with 2 adorable girls.
(((hugs)))
Love,
Michele
I’d suggest getting in touch with someone at USC if you want to create a scholarship there? They’d be able to manage it, and allow incoming freshmen who were NICU babies to apply online – require them to write an essay etc and then you guys can choose who “deserves it the most” or alternatively, just put the names in a hat and draw one.
You can do it and I have no doubt it will be a raging success.
Kristin´s last [type] ..Winner of the Die-Cut Business Cards
Good Luck I know you can do it.
Maddie has made SUCH a difference. And I want to thank you for sharing her with us and allowing me to be involved with Friends of Maddie.
Good luck with the scholarship – I wish I knew where to start to help you!
~a´s last [type] ..This post does not do the trip justice
Those are amazing goals. And I’ll know you’ll accomplish each and every one of them. Lots of love to you and yours. <3
After the death of my daughters friend in high school a scholarship fund was set up. This was done through the high school counselors office. Why not check with your counselor from high school about how this was done. I am sure they would love to help you. You are an amazing young women with wonderful and thoughtful ideas for helping others.
I, um, actually am a scholarship guru of sorts. If you are over me calling you “whore-tastic” (which I SWEAR I meant in a funny, benign way), e-mail me. I can give you advice.
Hee hee. I would LOVE any advice you have, PLEASE!
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