The other thing that was weighing on me was some horrible news we’d heard on Saturday - that in the firestorm that overwhelmed Southern California this last weekend, one of our best friends had lost her house. Danielle and her fiance were in San Francisco for Jackie!’s party, so she wasn’t home at the time. Her parents WERE home, and the fire came so fast that they barely were able to save themselves and their dogs before their house was completely engulfed.

I can’t imagine how they feel. The house and all their irreplaceable items…gone. They have their memories, and they’ve gone back to the wreckage a few times and managed to pull some things out of the wet soot. She’s getting married in two months, and her grandmother is very ill. There’s a lot on her plate. My heart aches.

Flying back from San Fran, my seat on the plane was by a window. I had my iPod on with my eyes closed, and I tried to relax and not think about things. Then the pilot came on the loudspeaker to announce we were making our descent into Los Angeles, and that we shouldn’t be alarmed by the low visibility or the smell of smoke in the cabin. I looked out the window, and I was shocked by how dark and thick the smoke below me was. Those were homes lost. I cried.

I felt a lot better when I got home and saw Mike, Rigby, and Maddie. They all greeted me with BIG smiles, hugs, and kisses, but I could tell something was a bit off with Maddie. She was warm and very cuddly. She’s at the point now where she wants to be DOWN so she can crawl over things - she doesn’t like being held for too long. So I knew something was up.

Unfortunately, my bug bites were at an all-time high on the pain and itchiness scale. They were so swollen that my skin and joints ached, and the bites on my face were causing me a major migraine. So when Maddie wanted to sleep (something she NEEEEEEVER wants to do), I was more than happy to sleep as well.

We woke up the next day complete disasters. Like, call your parents and beg them to take care of you and their grandchild because your husband is INSANELY busy with a project disasters. So my parents swooped in and saved us. Their timing was impeccable because Maddie developed a high fever and the pukes. And let me tell you, the puke of a baby on solids was NOT something any of us were prepared for. I will spare you the foods she ate that that, but GAG they were gross. After that, my parents played nurse to both of us. Thank goodness they saved us! Thanks mom and dad!!! Without them, Maddie and I both would have ended up checked into the hospital. NO JOKE.

Luckily, Mike has completed his project and Maddie and I are both feeling MUCH better. And the best news is that Maddie doesn’t have any UGLY marks all over her face and arms. I am not so lucky. But that’s why there’s makeup, right? Maddie still has a bit of a cough - and she meets with her pulmonologist today. Great timing! Everyone keep your fingers crossed that Maddie has a good appointment. If she does, she might get taken off the oxygen!

Danielle, you can’t keep Maddie and me away! This little face can’t wait to see you again and make you smile!

To make it up to you, here is a picture of my delightful little fashion plate!

Kimono tops, floppy hats, and no pants will soon be the rage everywhere!

Believe me, it didn’t suck. Well, there was one teeny tiny little thing that sucked…more specifically DOZENS of little sucky things. Mosquitoes. And if you remember, I’ve mentioned how badly I react to bug bites. And if you don’t remember - I REACT VERY VERY BADLY. I have bites all over my arms, hands, fingers, stomach, hip, back, and face. and they are just as swollen and disgusting as ever. I didn’t take pictures this time but I have a feeling some of the other ladies did, because they are evil and want to blackmail me. Anyway, believe me when I say they were gross and really painful and itchy.

So, back to Napa! We went to gorgeous wineries and sampled yummy wines and sparkling varieties and we even went in a cave. I sang the Batman song in the cave because I am twelve. But doood…it was coooool.

And yes, those are just thousands of bottles of sparkling wine just SITTING THERE. Swoon.

The wineries are breathtaking. The grounds are impeccable and the weather was perfect.

If it wasn’t for the bug bites I would have made Mike, Maddie, and Rigby move to Napa. That’s how awesome it was. But those bug bites assured me that I am a city girl, so I was pretty glad when we went to San Francisco for the most awesome 30th birthday party ever. Jackie! throws an amazing party. And look at how many people came. I am pretty certain there won’t be that many people at my 30th birthday party (note to Mike - it’s only six months and eight days away so I hope you’ve picked a location, caterer, and band).

My favorite part of the weekend was spending so much time with Jackie! She started her next round of chemo this week AND went back to work. She makes my lazy butt look bad! She’s fancy.

Even though I had tons of fun, I couldn’t wait to see Mike, Maddie, and Rigby. And while it was great to see them, things were not so great in Southern California….

And yeah, I’m writing this in two parts. SUE ME. I’m tired from all the to be continued stuff!!!

I’m hoping she gained weight, because whenever I eat a cream puff, I gain like 12 pounds.

Right now I’m in Napa Valley. Today is Jackie!’s 30th birthday and a bunch of her friends are here to celebrate another year. After celebrating one miracle year, I’m hoping to pay it forward to someone I love a million times over. AND, it’s another EXTREMELY special birthday. In the end, November 13th is an amazing day.

Jackie! and I raise a glass to another year!!!

Then I started bleeding. My OB was called again. The blood came out in gobs. I wasn’t scared, because the doctors had told me to relax. I was alone in the hospital room, talking to Jackie! on the phone, when my nurse came in and said I was going to have a C-Section and you’d be here ASAP. I called Daddy and told him to come back to the hospital right away.

When I was wheeled into the operating room, everyone who already loved you was waiting with baited breath for you to arrive. The neonatologists came in and told me and your daddy not to worry if you didn’t cry, because your lungs had been through such a hard time. As I laid there on the operating table, I said a prayer to my grandmas and great grandma, asking them to give you air in your lungs.

When you were born at 4:22 pm, you cried, and your daddy and I cried, too.

I wanted them to put you on my chest, but you were very small and sick. Daddy and the nurses took you to the NICU, but before they left they told me to give you a kiss. Because of the way they held you, I only managed to kiss your little hat. I didn’t get to give you a kiss on your soft skin for two weeks.

While the doctors worked on us, your daddy took pictures so I could see you. He came back to where I was recovering and said how beautiful you were. Your daddy and I were so happy. Then your doctors came back and told us how sick you were, so sick that you needed to go to another hospital. And even though I’d known for months that you were likely to be sick, I still cried. I cried as hard as my sewn up body would let me, and I cursed it for letting you down.

The nurses said I could wait in the hallway outside of the NICU, so when the transfer team wheeled you by I could get a glimpse of you. They said you’d be out in 15 minutes. It took two hours for the transfer team to get you stable enough to be moved. The nurses offered to take me back to my room, but I waited for you in that hallway. When they wheeled you by, I told you to be strong, and that I loved you. I didn’t know if I’d see you alive again.

Since that day, your strength and bravery have amazed me. You made me a mommy, and it’s been such an honor to be YOUR mommy. You’ve been through so much but you are so happy, it blows me away. You have a smile for everyone - you bring out the best in people.

On November 11th, I stopped loving the idea of you and started loving you. Happy birthday, my beautiful, smart, happy little girl. You’re my dream come true.

November 11, 2007 - 3 lbs, 1 oz, 15 3/4 inches

November 11, 2008 - 13 lbs, 14oz, 26 1/2 inches, giant head

I’ve been trying to get her to stand for weeks by locking her knees and leaning her against me. Then over the weekend, my friend Brianne held Maddie by the hips and MAGIC! Seeing someone so teeny tiny standing up is so adorable I can hardly stand it. Of course, after standing comes walking, and then even the Crawling Corral tm won’t be able to contain her. Crap.

Last week Maddie was sleeping even worse than usual. Crying, fussy, sweaty, tossing & turning, you name it. Mike and I were pulling our hair out. We felt so badly for Maddie because she was clearly uncomfortable, and we felt badly for each other because we were getting NO sleep. Then, one night, she only woke up once. We rejoiced! That morning, I was cuddling Maddie when she pulled my finger into her mouth and bit down…and I yelped because TINY KNIVES SANK INTO MY FLESH!!!

She has teeth, she’s standing…she’s becoming such a little person! With her first birthday less than a week away, it’s hitting me that she’s not my little baby anymore. Well, she’s still LITTLE, but she’s no baby. Her personality is strong, she is determined, and soon there’ll be no stopping her. It’s everything I wanted for her…even if I’m not quite ready.

Jackie! came down to LA on Halloween to spend the weekend with us and all our LA-based friends. She came along to take Maddie trick or treating for the first time. At Maddie’s birthday party she was Pebbles Flintstone, but on Halloween it was very cold, so Maddie dressed as a sock monkey. Maddie was way more excited about Auntie Jackie! than getting candy that her mom and dad would eat.

I can’t blame her, since I felt the same way.

On Saturday, Jackie! and I planned to meet up with the rest of our friends at our University’s homecoming. However, I got a call from our friend Matt late Friday night telling us that our dear friend, his wife, was in labor with their first baby. We altered our plans and visited Leslie in the hospital before homecoming. When it was determined that she wouldn’t deliver until the afternoon, we went to homecoming so we could visit with our far-flung friends and cheer for our friend Danielle, a returning USC Song Leader who was performing at halftime. As soon as we got word that Leslie had delivered (exactly at kick off), we left the game to meet our newest “nephew.” He’s so beautiful.

Jackie! couldn’t keep her lips off of him.

I really couldn’t blame her.

The day after our new darling entered the world was Maddie’s birthday party. Jackie! and I and our other old roommate Bella have an inside joke involving Monchhichi dolls. I dared Jackie! to wear a monchhichi costume to Maddie’s party…and she did. Fur and all.

Seriously people! That’s how awesome Jackie! is.

My only regret is that Jackie! couldn’t stay longer and have more moments like this:

We all gave Jackie! tons of hugs and kisses before she flew back to Northern California. On the morning of Monday the 3rd, she had her post-treatment MRI to see how effective the radiation and chemo had been. I held my breath all day. I had high hopes but I didn’t want to be blindsided like we all were by her stage three diagnosis.

I finally heard from Jackie! about two hours after her meeting with her doctor. It was all good news. The tumor hadn’t grown, and while the results couldn’t say definitively, the oncologist thought that the tumor might have actually shrank in some areas. This was the best news we could have hoped for. This means that Jackie! moves on to “maintenance chemo.” She’ll take INTENSE chemo for five days a month, then be off for three weeks. And while it’s AMAZING the tumor hasn’t gotten worse, it doesn’t mean she’s cured. Far from it. Things are still not hunky dory (if you read her sister’s updates, you might not realize the magnitude as she tends to sugarcoat things). It’s a waiting game to see when her tumor will come back. However, Jackie! is determined to live her life ignoring her cancer as much as possible. She will still think about it every day (how can she NOT?), but she won’t allow it to run her life. That’s why she’s AMAZING.

Cancer is a part of Jackie!’s life for the rest of her life, but she isn’t going to let it BE her life. She still needs good wishes and prayers. Maddie and Mike and I support and love her with all our heart.

As the party hosts, we got into the full spirit of the party. Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones!

Yep, that’s me as Wilma, Mike as Fred, Maddie as Pebbles, and Rigby as Dino!

All of our families and friends got into it as well. We had a hippie, cat burglar, tacky tourist, chefs, pirates, Sarah Palin, pizza delivery man, USC football fan, Presidential ballot, cowboys, baseball player, bumble bee, Dr. Frankenstein, and a Monchhichi, just to name some of the guests. The kids, however, were adorable. Dorothy & the Scarecrow, Ariel the Mermaid, a flower, a lion, Buzz Lightyear & Woody, a UCLA Cheerleader, a prisoner, Superman, and of course, our little Pebbles.

It was a blast to watch the kids play. Some were too little to run around, but it was cool to know that they’ll all be chasing each other next year at Maddie’s second birthday party.

As is the custom at all first birthday parties, Maddie had a special cake that was all for her. She wasn’t sure what to do with it at first.

I was really hoping she’d go nuts and just eat it like crazy, but she was far more interested in grabbing the frosting. She DID eventually she taste the sweet sweet sugar…

…but didn’t seem too into it.

So much for my dreams of her gaining a couple pounds via birthday cake.

As much as Maddie’s party was a celebration of her life, it was a thank you to everyone who took care of me on bed rest, started prayer chains, cooked us dinner, and loves our daughter. Our only regret is that we couldn’t invite every single person that’s touched our lives. That, and we couldn’t fly all of Maddie’s world-wide fans to the party, too!

With the invitations to Maddie’s party, we included the following note: To our dear family and friends - You have given us the greatest gift, your support when Maddie was sick. Maddie is blessed, she has her health and everything else she could need. We ask, in lieu of gifts, that you please donate to the March of Dimes in Madeline’s name. Please help other babies like Madeline. Mike and I wanted to give back to other babies like our Maddie. Babies who would have never made it without the advances the March of Dimes has funded. We asked that the party guests sign a book for Maddie with their wishes for her. When Maddie is 13, 18, 30 years old, she won’t care what toys she received on her first birthday. But she WILL love to read all the special notes written to her. And, if Mike and I do our jobs right, she’ll be so happy to know that when she turned one, she made a difference in the lives of babies that had a rough start like her. Babies who went on to have fabulous first birthday parties just like her.

Besides being a damn good uncle and brother, he’s also an amazing friend, a lover of animals, an extremely brilliant scholar (he only missed three questions on the SATs), hilarious writer, and he happens to be gay. I was at his house the other day and I was saying random things, as I am wont to do, and I started a sentence by saying, “oh, when you get married, you HAVE to…” and then I trailed off. I’ve never been able to say that to my brother before and know that it could actually happen - that, like me, he could one day be married to his best friend and love of his life. And I almost cried, because there is a discriminating proposition on the California ballot that could prevent that from happening.

A lot of people think they don’t know someone who is gay. Well, now you do. You know Maddie’s uncle. And he has something to say.

Hey folks! This is Kyle, Heather’s twin brother. Heather has cruelly neglected to tell you guys all about me despite devoting lengthy blog posts to all of her ex-sorority friends, Matt Lauer, stuffed animals, the mailman, and (when pressed for a blog topic) some guy she saw outside. However, I am assured that this situation will change soon, and maybe this little missive will help us break the ice.

Heather asked me to talk to you guys about something on the ballot in California this Tuesday called Proposition 8 (non-Californians, I promise this involves you, too). Prop 8 is a measure designed to take away equal rights that were awarded earlier this year by the (majority Republican) state supreme court, which allowed same-sex couples to marry. I’ve been doing a lot of volunteering and phone banking to get Californians who believe in equal rights to vote NO on this hurtful measure.

I know a lot of you are parents, so let me draw an analogy. You know how you want your kids to grow up thinking that they can be whoever they want to be? Despite having a loving family, I did not grow up thinking that. I grew up gay, and I knew in the back of my mind that some of the things people take for granted, like marriage, were things I would never be allowed to have.

When prejudice and discrimination is sanctioned like that (and for what? love?), it can have a profound effect on a person. I’ve been lucky, but let me quote my friend John for a moment: “I volunteer as a counselor for the Trevor Project, a suicide and crisis helpline for gay youth. Many of the young people I talk to are hopeless and considering suicide, because they are being bullied in school and/or their families have rejected them simply because they are gay. Some of them have been kicked out of their homes, others have been sent to conversion camps, and others are being physically and verbally abused. Taking these calls has been a grim reminder to me that we still live in a world where a child can be driven to take their own life because of our cultural negativity toward homosexuality. Taking steps toward equal rights sends a signal to everyone that it is not OK to attack others just because you don’t identify with them. Voting NO ON PROP 8 takes that step.”

Look at the face of your child. Do you want your child to grow up with a heart filled with intolerance, or a feeling that he or she is not equal?

You know, I was reading a lovely obituary today about this really rad lady who accomplished a lot before she died, and her family wrote this: “Hester embraced life and she is remembered for her infinite capacity to LOVE, to SHARE, to be CREATIVE, to SUPPORT and to show unlimited ACCEPTANCE & COMPASSION.” Now, maybe I’m just a sucker for capital letters, but for some reason, that description really hit me as something we should all aspire to. Why let hate and fear trump love and compassion? Why take away a minority’s legal rights? Where does that lead to?

If you live in California, vote no on Prop 8. If you don’t, but you know people who do, please tell them to vote no. I remember how we all grew up reading in our history books about segregation and concepts like “separate but equal,” and thought to ourselves, “If I had been around then, I could never have stood for that.” You are around it, right now. So what will you do?

Heather again. I don’t like politics, but this is something that will TRULY effect me and the future of my family. It’s beyond politics - it’s about people. Someday when Maddie asks me what discrimination is, I hope gay rights will be a PAST example and not a current one.

And besides - a girl as cute as Maddie deserves to be the flower girl at her uncle Kyle’s wedding.